Ghost Stories: Season 1, Episode 2

Directed by Shigenori Kageyama

Something is stinking up the town, and it isn't just urban reconstruction! A ghost has invaded the school's bathrooms, and it's up to Satsuki and the gang to find out how to put it back to sleep. The old book left by Satsuki's mom just might be the ticket.

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1. I can't believe it, they're destroying this gorgeous land

2. for overpriced condos.

3. A monorail, there'll be Starbucks, another Walmart.

4. God, what the hell is this country coming to?

5. I think I'm gonna move.

6. What are you city council?

7. Shut your yap and get back to work!

8. And the well?

9. You still haven't told me what we're gonna do with that.

10. Whatever, just fill the hole, hole filler.

11. Sure! Jackass.

12. Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have had Mexican for lunch.

13. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!

14. Do you want red paper or blue paper?

15. Dad, Keiichirou, it's time to eat!

16. Well, it's about damn time.

17. What do you think you're doing, cat?

18. I was eating!

19. This is dad's breakfast.

20. Yours is right over there, down there!

21. I don't think so.

22. What you say?

23. Listen kid, we need to lay a few ground rules around here.

24. I'm not eating cat food.

25. I'm not chasing mice.

26. There'll be no collars.

27. And if my fur needs to be licked, you're gonna do it.

28. Just because you and your nerd friends turned

29. my long slumber into this feline nightmare

30. doesn't mean I have to be happy about it!

31. Well, when we did that spell,

32. I never thought for a minute you were gonna go

33. into my cat's body.

34. Get outta my cat, you fat, stinky, ugly demon!

35. Let's get something straight here little missy!

36. I may be furry, but I am still Lord Amanojaku!

37. Which means I still have enough spiritual power to kill you.

38. Hi.

39. Something wrong, Satsuki?

40. It's nothing, I'm sorry.

41. Don't worry dad,

42. I'll fix you something else for breakfast right away.

43. No need to let it go to waste,

44. how about you just give it to Kaya?

45. Sure.

46. What are you doing?

47. Quit following us!

48. You two morons are just walking in front of me.

49. Watch for dogs.

50. Go home, we're going to school.

51. Sounds good, I don't have anything better to do.

52. You're a cat now stupid.

53. For your information,

54. I've been haunting that school

55. before you two blew into town.

56. I think he's got a point.

57. Don't take his side if you know what's good for you.

58. I can't believe our sweet, precious cat

59. is now possessed by Keebler Elf reject, with bad gas.

60. That'll teach you to make fun of me, The Lord Amanojaku.

61. This is fascinating.

62. Even though trapped in a cat's body,

63. he still possesses ghostly powers,

64. kinda like David Blaine.

65. Save it for the science fair!

66. You're just jealous of my psychical research.

67. And you know what Harvard's president said

68. about girls in science.

69. You may know about science,

70. but you don't know diddly about girls.

71. I'm just waiting for a nice Jewish girl, yeah.

72. Break it up, ladies.

73. Hey wait, shouldn't you two guys know how to do it?

74. I mean how to turn Kaya back to normal?

75. What?

76. That's right.

77. You're the psychical researcher, aren't you?

78. That is my area of expertise,

79. but except for a few pale Trekkies,

80. this is the creepiest thing I've ever come in contact with.

81. Well then, what good are you?

82. You're not coming up with ideas.

83. If I could, I would have said my goodbyes long ago.

84. Well, we have learned one thing.

85. What did we learn? What did I miss?

86. Yes, one thing.

87. What?

88. Your light blue Hanes are total chubb material.

89. My name is Satsuki, it's nice to meet you.

90. Friendly greeting once, nice change.

91. Let's see, let's put you next to Mr. Aoyama, yeah.

92. What?

93. What in the hell?

94. What happened to you?

95. I got beat up by an apparition of Gloria Steinem.

96. Who are you calling an apparition?

97. You're in the same class as your next door neighbor,

98. that's great, God's great.

99. Nothing great about it.

100. It's just like living next to Charlie Sheen.

101. Serious, the real problem is that demon,

102. it's pulling a Linda Blair with my cat.

103. I don't suppose you know a good exorcist

104. or Al Sharpton, do you?

105. I don't think he's a real reverend.

106. What about your mother's book?

107. Oh!

108. There was a way to defeat Amanojaku inside the book.

109. Maybe there's a way to get rid of him in here too

110. and I just haven't found it.

111. When I met her,

112. she was a homosexual destined for eternal damnation.

113. Then she was blessed with holy power, who knew?

114. I didn't know she did either to be completely honest.

115. It's weird.

116. Wait, look here!

117. If you destroy the object a ghost

118. in spiritual sleep is occupying,

119. that ghost will begin haunting again!

120. Like a soul who doesn't know Jesus,

121. floating without purpose.

122. You're right.

123. However, if you try to put the ghost

124. back into a spiritual sleep

125. that ghost will take possession of a person or animal.

126. Decide the spot where you will make it go

127. to spiritual sleep.

128. If you do not follow this

129. it will be impossible to turn the one who is possessed

130. back to normal until all the ghosts

131. in the school are put back into spiritual sleep.

132. I hate you mother.

133. Oh no, the mountain, your mother was so full of Jesus.

134. She saved those souls from hell

135. by banishing them into the forest.

136. But if the mountain's under development,

137. then that means they.

138. The ghosts, all the banished ones are going to come back.

139. Once again, she's the one who flashed me,

140. she's a tease.

141. And you know what kinda tease I'm talking about?

142. Um, can we not talk about this while I'm,

143. you know, doing.

144. She's undersexed, that's not my fault!

145. She's in elementary school, of course she's undersexed.

146. I can relate.

147. Other girls at this school are getting plenty.

148. Yogurt comin' to get me.

149. I'm too young to be lactose intolerant.

150. You're taking a dump?

151. I prefer dropping the kids off at the pool.

152. I've gotta find other friends.

153. Holy crap!

154. What the hell?

155. Dude, this is the coolest thing

156. I've ever seen.

157. Oh no.

158. Okay kids, I'm a little fuzzy on the details,

159. but we've got plumbing problems.

160. Which means the school has no running water.

161. If you need to pee or anything,

162. just use the one at the old haunted schoolhouse.

163. Settle down, I was just kidding!

164. There's no such thing as ghosts,

165. and don't even think about holding it in,

166. it isn't healthy.

167. All your butts will explode.

168. What, I can't believe I'm gonna have to wait

169. - all day to go to the bathroom. - But there is a Hanako.

170. Do you think the teachers know?

171. Euw, what's that smell?

172. Hajime may have had a little accident in the bathroom.

173. I'm gonna beat your ass.

174. Too much coffee.

175. I should've just pissed in the sink in the teacher's lounge.

176. No one would've known, or maybe in Mrs. Hadley's thermos.

177. Do you want red paper?

178. - Or blue paper? - No way.

179. I can't believe you're sinking this low for a joke.

180. Who is this, Hadley?

181. Do you want red paper or blue paper?

182. Shut up!

183. I can hear this class all, wait, where's your teacher?

184. Well, he went to the bathroom.

185. He went to the bathroom and he hasn't come back yet.

186. It must be a Hanako's curse.

187. I saw him, I saw him go

188. into the old school house's restroom.

189. Hanako the bathroom ghost got him!

190. - Get out! - What?

191. It's a ghost.

192. And you know, you're behind the conspiracy.

193. I'm gonna beat your ass.

194. You've been talking about my butt an awful lot.

195. Calm down,

196. Hanako the bathroom ghost is just a superstition.

197. Now, open your books and turn a page, whatever.

198. Now, where's Sakata, better check the girl's locker room.

199. What are we gonna do with

200. this bathroom situation?

201. They made fun of the ghost.

202. That's why he ended up like that.

203. What?

204. You were right kid, your teacher was attacked by a ghost.

205. I wonder who the next victim will be?

206. Oh, could I be so lucky, could it be you?

207. Not me cat, all I have to do

208. is stay away from the bathroom.

209. I'll just hold it and not drink fluids.

210. Three, two, one.

211. Keiichirou?

212. What's the matter?

213. It's cold.

214. You silly, why didn't you just go to the bathroom?

215. Can't go.

216. You have your gym clothes, right?

217. Go change, it'll be all right.

218. Hey, where are you going?

219. Where do you think I'm going?

220. The old school house!

221. Of course you are, gotta be outta your panty-wearing mind

222. to go in there.

223. I think I'm gonna have to.

224. If we can't use the bathroom, what are we gonna do?

225. Plus, I have to find a way to turn my cat back.

226. Not the cat again.

227. My mom's book told me how.

228. If I don't put all the ghosts back to sleep

229. then that damn demon will be around

230. till I graduate from Faster.

231. Don't do it.

232. Don't you worry about a thing,

233. every little thing's gonna be all right.

234. What do you mean by that?

235. Listen to more Bob Marley!

236. Wait for me!

237. Well, what do we have here?

238. A class cutter.

239. All the bigger boys in detention are gonna love you.

240. I thought you were the girl's track coach.

241. Here we are again.

242. Well, just don't stand there.

243. We're totally

244. on the same page.

245. What?

246. Don't be coy with me,

247. you know what I'm talking about.

248. Don't make me say it out loud.

249. You what?

250. Well, it's just, I don't know.

251. I've been holding this in too long.

252. It's time this came out.

253. I gotta poop.

254. What?

255. I was gonna go sneak out

256. behind the school during lunchtime,

257. but you know, the whole paper thing, kinda awkward.

258. And like the teacher said, it's not healthy.

259. I sure don't want my butt to explode.

260. What was I thinking?

261. I don't even like him that much anyway.

262. Perfect.

263. Hey, hold up!

264. I told you I gotta go.

265. Suck it up weeny.

266. I bet you're glad I'm here to protect you.

267. You couldn't protect crumbs

268. from the gang of drunk roaches.

269. Wait, this could be your chance, something's coming.

270. What?

271. A ghost!

272. Are you okay?

273. Yeah, I can't believe I'm still holding it in.

274. This was it.

275. The place where a Hanako appeared the other day.

276. What is it?

277. Let's check it out.

278. It's the fourth door,

279. the spiritual spot where Hanako appears from.

280. Well, go ahead.

281. Excuse me!

282. It's the girl's restroom, I can't go in there.

283. Oh good Lord.

284. Momoko!

285. What the hell is your problem?

286. No problem, what do you mean?

287. What's going on?

288. Hello, Mr. Sakata was-

289. He was attacked by Hanako the bathroom ghost.

290. So that was it!

291. So what was what?

292. At first I thought I just had to go to the bathroom

293. but now I realize it was the Holy spirit.

294. Wow, convulsion, that was weird.

295. Okay, I'm sorry, what are you saying?

296. You came in here alone?

297. Are you a moron?

298. Yes, but that's beside the point.

299. God bless you.

300. According to your dead mother's spook book,

301. Hanako shows up from the fourth door,

302. like, let's make a deal.

303. And hello, doors one through four are all open.

304. Wow, you're right.

305. But I cast out Hanako in the last episode, remember?

306. Hanako, are you here?

307. Yes.

308. Look I'm on top.

309. Shut up, she's saying something, stupid!

310. Speak!

311. Don't go, don't go in there.

312. Don't go.

313. Okay, I didn't nee to hear that.

314. Do you want red paper

315. or blue paper?

316. Pull!

317. Hajime!

318. Ow.

319. What in the fizzidy yuk is that?

320. Are we having fun yet?

321. You stupid cat, what is that thing?

322. Oh him? He's just Akagami Aogami.

323. Ikegami Origami?

324. You've got that damn book, look it up yourself!

325. Look it up yourself, fine.

326. Akagami Aogami, it is a ghost who appears from a toilet

327. and asks if you want red paper or blue paper.

328. Gimme a break!

329. What the hell color should I ask for then?

330. Answer red and blood will rain from the ceiling

331. and you'll turn all red, okay that's gross.

332. Answer blue and you'll turn blue

333. because you'll be strangled, these are our options?

334. - What? - Lord, God, guide us.

335. Do you want red paper or blue paper?

336. Yellow, I'll take yellow Sharmen!

337. Yellow?

338. Yeah, yellow, yellow Sharmen.

339. Oh God, you're so stupid.

340. Do I have to tell you kids everything?

341. You're making it worse when you ask for another color.

342. Huh?

343. Yellow it is!

344. My God!

345. No, Hajime!

346. Just hang on!

347. Hang on, why didn't I think of that?

348. That place is connected to the spirit world.

349. If you answer with some color other than red or blue,

350. you're toast kid.

351. You get dragged into the spirit world

352. and you never come back.

353. Nice knowing ya.

354. Don't just stand there, do something Satsuki!

355. I'm sorry, I'm kinda locked up here.

356. I forgot my Bible,

357. so maybe you should look at your mother's book.

358. Oh yeah.

359. November eighth, I discovered Akagami Aogami.

360. I drew a shinto shrine gateway on a jar,

361. filled it with water and chanted,

362. I'll be borrowing your restroom!

363. And it went into spiritual sleep.

364. A jar!

365. God will supply all of your needs according to his riches,

366. Philippines 4:19.

367. What?

368. I'm too young to die.

369. The only person I've had sex with is my babysitter.

370. Is that it?

371. Is that good enough?

372. I failed art.

373. It's fine!

374. Ya think?

375. What if I shaded it?

376. Maybe drew some cherry blossoms.

377. Do it!

378. I'll be borrowing your restroom,

379. I'll be borrowing your restroom,

380. I'll be borrowing your restroom!

381. You're killing me!

382. I wish.

383. Oh shoot, we need water.

384. That's right, the book of spells said

385. to put water in the jar!

386. Where are you gonna get the water?

387. The school's plumbing system is broken.

388. You're gonna have to run to the store.

389. I really don't think you'll make it back in time,

390. but while you're out,

391. pick me up a bottle of Osaka will you?

392. Will you give me a hand here!

393. Satan, you bastard.

394. When I said, give me a hand, this isn't what I meant!

395. Hajime, no!

396. Hajime!

397. Oh come on!

398. I'll be borrowing your restroom,

399. I'll be borrowing your restroom,

400. I'll be borrowing your restroom!

401. I'll be borrowing your restroom!

402. Whoo hoo.

403. Hajime!

404. Hey, I can't believe you did it.

405. Amen, faith moves mountains.

406. Yeah, yeah.

407. What the hell are you kids staring at?

408. Go get Hadley!

409. You were in the toilet.

410. So, Hanako didn't attack Mr. Sakata after all.

411. When a stronger spirit appears,

412. the weaker spirit cowers.

413. But all evil spirits cower before Jesus!

414. Then what about all the Johns exploding?

415. Maybe Hanako was just asking for help?

416. I mean, she doesn't have a real estate agent, does she?

417. Hey, the toilets are fixed now,

418. but boy are the lines long.

419. Euw.

420. I guess you couldn't hold it forever, could you?

421. I'm gonna beat your ass!

422. Hey, there's Kaya.

423. Not bad this time,

424. I was actually betting against you.

425. Good thing I didn't have any cash on me.

426. Let's see if you can keep it up.

427. Hold it right there!

428. If I remember correctly,

429. you wanna get out of that body, right?

430. If I were you, I'd quit criticizing

431. and help us put these ghosts back to sleep.

432. Dream on princess.

433. Hey!

434. I'd rather cut off my left hand, I mean, paw

435. or die than lend a hand to you brats.

436. But, you're already dead, aren't you?

437. That's not the point!

438. Listen to me, I've got nine lives now

439. and I'm going to use 'em all up dying

440. to make sure you kids pay for what you've done to me!

441. Man, it's times like this

442. I wish we would've got a pet gerbil.

443. What? What you say comes true?

444. Hurry, if we don't put that thing

445. into spiritual sleep soon, everyone will die!

446. There's a curse

447. on the school fine arts festival.

448. Don't look!