Ghost Stories: Season 1, Episode 17

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The gang takes a trip to the mountains to stay at a resort run by Satsuki's cousin Miyuki. However, upon arrival, a young girl tells them that Miyuki is dead. It seems that her ghost still haunts the frozen lake, turning it blood red. But this story might not be as simple as it seems...

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1. I just love your "Grease" Pink Ladies bag.

2. I am gonna look so hot snowboarding.

3. You're as fat as Queen Latifah.

4. One-time-cool rapper needs to quit doing

5. those Pizza Hut VOs.

6. She was nominated for an Oscar, you dope!

7. She's being punished.

8. The only royalty is Jesus and Black rap is satanic.

9. Why do I have to sit next to her?

10. Remember, we drew straws and you lost.

11. On the way back, Leo gets her.

12. Can't wait to see the holy war then.

13. You drew that straw.

14. You're the one who's supposed to sit next to Leo.

15. Is anyone talking to you?

16. No!

17. Wow!

18. Look at all the snow!

19. Praise God.

20. He's covered the world in the white blanket of holiness.

21. The ski area's right around here.

22. Why aren't there more people?

23. Is Claudine Longet around?

24. Come on!

25. Let's make a snowman!

26. - You okay, little lamb? - I'm good.

27. - Bitchin' ski resort. - I'm gonna make a snowman-

28. So, where are all the hot snow bunnies at?

29. - And a snowwoman- - I have yet to be thanked

30. for all the money I saved us by booking on Priceline.

31. - Thank you. Shut up. - I guess I'll have

32. to make the snowwoman dead

33. - 'cause my mom's dead. - Where the hell

34. is the driver?

35. No wonder the tickets were so cheap.

36. Hey, isn't it some relative of yours?

37. Yeah, but this is from dad's side of the family.

38. Bunch of degenerate alcoholics.

39. Hope he hasn't killed someone on the way up here.

40. Let me ask you something.

41. If I slip some cognac into Momoko's thermos,

42. you think maybe I could just possibly

43. get her to give me a little cranium?

44. Maybe I'll try giving them a call.

45. Duh.

46. I have a cell phone.

47. but we're out of range.

48. "I have a cell phone."

49. Rich Jesus skag.

50. The number you've dialed

51. is no longer in service.

52. Hey!

53. Maybe if they paid their fuckin' phone bill

54. you could call again!

55. Asian trash, can't pay their phone bill.

56. Huh?

57. What the hell's going on?

58. Last bus to the skiing area today,

59. so if you wanna get on before I get off

60. you better move it.

61. What?

62. We've been married about six years now.

63. Nobody's talking to you,

64. just drive the bus, bus driver.

65. Fucking nosy.

66. I mean, I think I'm still a good looking man.

67. What do you think, sweetheart?

68. You're still talking.

69. Finally.

70. I was sick of that lonely-ass bus driver.

71. He was so fucking nosy.

72. Hello!

73. Like Sodom and Gomorrah.

74. No hospitality.

75. Worst trip ever.

76. It's not locked or anything.

77. Lame museum.

78. How in the world could someone do that

79. to God's gentle creatures?

80. blowjob.

81. These must be the priceless possessions

82. of some wealthy Jewish philanthropist collector.

83. A bird and a bear?

84. I ain't paying for this.

85. I didn't know the hotel had a zoo.

86. It's no Madam Tussauds.

87. None of those people

88. look like they're supposed to, either.

89. Maybe your friend was the victim

90. of the dreaded abominable snowwoman of the mountain.

91. Does anyone else feel a little chill?

92. I feel cold, and a little watched.

93. There she is!

94. - Konnichiwa. - Konnichiwa.

95. Konnichi-whatever.

96. Konnichi-lingus.

97. Hey, wait a minute.

98. Miyuki?

99. Miyuki is my older sister.

100. I'm her younger, cuter sister, Yuki.

101. Oh.

102. Sorry, all you little yellow people look alike to me,

103. and African Americans, but not the Mexicans.

104. Why do you think that is?

105. I mean, don't you find that just the weirdest thing?

106. Not really.

107. You don't?

108. No, but I do notice something else.

109. Black men have larger penises

110. than either Asians or Mexicans do,

111. and I'm a size queen from the word go,

112. you know what I'm saying?

113. Did I happen to mention how hung I am?

114. Romans 1:26.

115. "God gave them over to shameful lust."

116. I'd like to be given over to shameful lust.

117. And they shall be white as snow,

118. except you, you're all heathens.

119. Whoa.

120. Now that's a view.

121. A view of the Bloodstained Lake.

122. Bloodstained Lake?

123. Despite it being blue?

124. Oh, it may be blue now,

125. but soon it will be redder than Republican Texas.

126. I can't even look at it.

127. See, right now I'm even turning away not looking at it.

128. You're weird.

129. No, I'm serious, bitch.

130. I swear to god, blue.

131. I have to see something else, to forget.

132. An extra large black penis, maybe.

133. Hmm.

134. You know, guys, maybe I would've gotten an even better deal

135. if I would've gone to Orbitz instead of Priceline.

136. We go through this every episode.

137. Sometimes travelers tend to hide money

138. in their hotel rooms

139. and forget to take it with them when they check out.

140. Behind the picture?

141. This picture?

142. Maybe this vase isn't nailed down.

143. I'd put that down if I were you.

144. All our furniture and electronics have tracking devices.

145. I've seen your kind here before, Jew.

146. Hello, I'm Reiichirou Miyanoshita's daughter.

147. Oh, the ex-lesbian!

148. I haven't seen you since that funeral

149. when your little retarded brother

150. cried the whole time.

151. So, did you find Miyuki all right?

152. Never showed up.

153. Service here sucks.

154. Love to stay and chat, but there's the phone.

155. Gotta go!

156. Gotta email that awful Great Hotels bitch.

157. I hate her.

158. She's so perky.

159. Let's just look at the bright side.

160. We're gonna save a bundle

161. on not having to tip any of these losers.

162. I never tip maids.

163. It's their job to clean up.

164. And I don't recycle towels.

165. This is one step above a goddamn Days Inn.

166. I'm hung!

167. Is anyone going to feed me?

168. I think a saw a fruit bowl in the lobby.

169. Go knock yourself out.

170. I'm gonna go find a bar.

171. After "I Am Sam" eats let's hit the slopes.

172. Cowabunga!

173. - Man, that was awesome. - You ate the head.

174. Head.

175. Thank god there was a Long John Sushi's nearby.

176. The hotel dining room is way too sketchy.

177. I need a nap and some room service.

178. Just imagine our good fortune.

179. You know, this must be the only ski lodge

180. with an off-season in December.

181. Roger that.

182. I bet there's gonna be a mandatory timeshare meeting soon.

183. - Uh-oh. - What?

184. It's my sister, she.

185. She what?

186. What?

187. What was she, four?

188. That's really funny,

189. "What was she, four?"

190. It'd be even funnier if she wasn't dead.

191. Dead?

192. Yeah, dead, don't you know, Christian?

193. Why?

194. I mean, can't you feel it, too?

195. An evil presence?

196. God, shut up, Jennifer Love Hairdo.

197. It's the Lord.

198. I'm so close to his gentle spirit,

199. I can feel when he's disturbed

200. over the presence of evil!

201. You're right.

202. We're 10 minutes into the episode and no ghosts yet.

203. Where's the bar?

204. Don't do that!

205. I can't help it.

206. Can't you see what's happened to the picture?

207. The one beside the bunny, asshole!

208. I know how she died.

209. What?

210. She was so beautiful and popular,

211. and then one day, plop!

212. She just fell into the lake.

213. Everyone missed her.

214. They loved her.

215. Did I tell you she was really popular?

216. The blue Bloodstained Lake?

217. Okay, that is nasty.

218. I have some nail polish that color.

219. Pantone 106, I believe.

220. Shut up, Leo.

221. Pantone 107.

222. Oh, by the way, I might've failed to mention something

223. about the Bloodstained Lake.

224. Sorry about that.

225. When the lake turns from a beautiful blue to a bloody red,

226. it means she's coming back to take someone with her

227. into the spirit world.

228. So, she's coming after us?

229. That would explain why nobody comes here.

230. Maybe it's like Moses turning the sea to blood.

231. Well, Mrs. Moses looks like she lost her bonnet.

232. It's her hat!

233. She was so popular!

234. We need to check the hell out of here!

235. Where's the bellboy?

236. What good are you?

237. God, you're pissing me off.

238. I saw a payphone in the hall.

239. And I don't have any change.

240. What?

241. Bells?

242. A cat?

243. Oh, of course.

244. Wow, cool boots.

245. Get away from me, you freak!

246. It's her!

247. No solicitors!

248. - Don't you let that bitch in! - Hey!

249. Don't just stand there, get a chair!

250. They'll charge us if someone else stays in our room!

251. Hey, stupid!

252. Get me a chair!

253. Stay there!

254. I'll stand very close behind you.

255. - Open the door! - I'll help, yeah.

256. Well, if you're gonna stand close behind me-

257. Open the door!

258. - Open the door! - Stand closer,

259. I can't even feel it!

260. And they wonder why I like Black men!

261. - Open the door! - I feel a very evil presence

262. in our midst.

263. I kept her out.

264. Thank goodness for Power 90.

265. Whatever.

266. Oh my god, I forgot the back door!

267. Goddammit!

268. Wait!

269. I'll go stand right behind you.

270. No, no, no, that's okay, I got it.

271. Wait!

272. Hello?

273. The paper.

274. They could've at least brought it to my room.

275. Say what?

276. You don't have any change?

277. Leo?

278. There's no signal on my expensive phone.

279. I told you you should've gotten

280. a friends and family plan.

281. This way!

282. This way to safety!

283. Come on!

284. Move your ass!

285. God!

286. Outside in the freezing cold!

287. Hurry!

288. Man, are you guys out of shape, or what?

289. Where's perv?

290. Huh?

291. God finally did it.

292. He killed him as punishment for his wickedness.

293. Maybe my sister got him

294. and took him into the spirit world.

295. What?

296. But maybe it's not too late.

297. If we made peace with this very popular girl

298. we might just be able to save the poor bastard.

299. Screw him, what about me?

300. Oh yeah, I guess that's a good point.

301. Hey, hold on a second.

302. I know, I've got just the thing.

303. Thank goodness I remembered the bloody picture.

304. Okay, now you guys chant after me.

305. I'll tell you what to say, and you repeat exactly.

306. Got it.

307. Okay then.

308. Now, we go with the snow, but not the snow that is yellow.

309. See, it's really powerful, and it works.

310. Okay, everybody, let's hit it.

311. Hey, look, here she comes!

312. She's coming.

313. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's coming.

314. Chant the spell.

315. But I can't spell well.

316. Snow.

317. O-S-W-N-E?

318. Oh, you.

319. Oh, no.

320. - Let's do this! - Don't talk,

321. just shut up and do it!

322. Let's hurry up!

323. I'm freezing my ass off!

324. We go with the snow,

325. but not the snow that is-

326. Stop!

327. Stop it!

328. Stop it!

329. Perv's here.

330. Don't finish the spell!

331. Why the hell not?

332. It's practically poetry, you jerk.

333. Because.

334. Because the ghost is

335. her!

336. Wowzers!

337. Price half Macy's day sale.

338. No, you idiot, the other headline!

339. Yuki Shirogane, age 10, stumbled,

340. plunged into the lake and died 40 years ago.

341. They forgot to say popular!

342. An old Yuki Shirogane would've gotten away with it, too,

343. if it wasn't for us meddling kids

344. and our trusty retarded sidekick, Keiichirou.

345. I've been waiting five volumes for that joke.

346. there's the damn bell!

347. Somewhere an angel just got their wings.

348. I was freezing out here.

349. Go figure, some loser waitress' kid

350. who fell in the lake 40 years ago

351. is pinning me for the fall.

352. What a bitch.

353. I was so popular!

354. Why didn't anyone come for me?

355. I waited and waited, and no one came.

356. That really pissed me off.

357. I got so lonely waiting out there,

358. and then death, well, that's really lonely.

359. And so, I

360. I, I really wanna take you with me, Miyuki.

361. This bitch is nuts!

362. And ugly as Nicky Hilton!

363. I wanted to go to Acapulco.

364. "Let's go skiiing, let's go skiing!"

365. Dammit.

366. Even New Orleans, AKA Chocolate City,

367. would be better than this Arctic fuckfest!

368. Hell, I could've just stayed home

369. and have a ghost attack me.

370. This show's so damn predictable!

371. - My peepee's cold. - Mine, too!

372. Get back here!

373. This is all your fault!

374. Come on.

375. Death isn't so bad, Miyuki.

376. I hate cold weather.

377. And I used to think she was hot.

378. Holy snowball and circle jerk.

379. That's it!

380. What?

381. Well, do it!

382. They forgot popular!

383. We go with the snow,

384. but not the snow that is yellow.

385. We go with the snow, but not the snow that is yellow.

386. We go with the snow, but not the snow that is yellow.

387. We go with the snow, but not the snow that is yellow.

388. We go with the snow, but not the snow that is yellow.

389. We go with the snow- - Is she dead yet?

390. I was popular.

391. She must be one of God's chosen, like me.

392. Do you know how many bathing suits

393. that damn red lake has ruined for me?

394. Goddamn fortune.

395. I mean, I had to wear red suits.

396. I look awful in red.

397. Dear Lord, I just thank you

398. that I look good in red.

399. Where is your mother?

400. Oh, my mother's at a relative's place.

401. She sent me to collect.

402. Your card was denied.

403. We're not paying!

404. "My mother's at a relative's place."

405. I hate her.

406. I'm gonna write William Shatner

407. and Priceline a nasty letter.

408. Here it is, a waitress at this sketchy inn

409. abandoned her child here and disappeared.

410. The girl was always waiting for her mother to return,

411. but she never did.

412. They found her blue and purple bloated carcass

413. of a body holding a soggy crust of bread

414. at the bottom of the lake.

415. They took her out with fishhooks.

416. Did I leave the iron on?

417. Speaking of William Shatner,

418. did you hear that he sold his kidney stone for 25 grand?

419. And he gave the cash to Habitat for Humanity.

420. So, some Trekkie just built a poor person a house

421. Ah.

422. This is so gay.

423. Blah!

424. You're all going to die.