1. ( papers rustling )
Copy !req
2. ( door opens )
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3. - MISS SLOAN?
- OH, DR. BRAAM.
Copy !req
4. I WAS JUST CATCHING UP
ON SOME LAST-MINUTE FILING,
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5. THE TRANSCRIPTS
FROM TODAY'S PATIENTS.
Copy !req
6. SUCH DILIGENCE DESERVES
TO BE REWARDED.
Copy !req
7. I CAN DO IT
IN THE MORNING.
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8. GOOD NIGHT,
DOCTOR.
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9. GOOD NIGHT.
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10. ADMIRAL WEIFER'S FILE.
Copy !req
11. SO THAT'S IT.
Copy !req
12. WHAT A PITY.
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13. TAKE CARE OF HER,
GEORGE.
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14. ( phone rings )
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15. - HELLO.
- ( ringing continues )
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16. - HELLO.
- ( ringing continues )
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17. HELLO.
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18. ( ringing continues )
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19. HELLO.
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20. ( ringing continues )
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21. HELLO.
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22. IS THIS MAXWELL SMART
THE SECRET AGENT?
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23. YES, THIS IS
MAXWELL SMART.
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24. BUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M A SECRET AGENT?
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25. I LIVE IN YOUR APARTMENT
HOUSE, MR. SMART,
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26. AND ONCE I SAW YOU
TALKING INTO YOUR SHOE.
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27. WHO IS THIS?
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28. MY NAME IS
JOANNA SLOAN
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29. AND I HAVE SOME INFORMATION
THAT SHOULD BE VITAL TO OUR GOVERNMENT.
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30. I'M A SECRETARY
TO DR. MYRON BRAAM, THE PSYCHIATRIST.
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31. WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MISS SLOAN,
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32. BUT I'M HANDLING
MY PROBLEMS PRETTY WELL.
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33. NO, YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND.
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34. I HAVE REASON
TO BELIEVE
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35. THAT A SECRET ORGANIZATION
CALLED KAOS IS RECEIVING INFORMATION—
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36. ( water rushing )
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37. MR. SMART, THEY'RE
TRYING TO DROWN ME!
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38. WELL OF COURSE
THEY'RE TR—
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39. THEY'RE TRYING
TO DROWN YOU?
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40. WHERE ARE YOU?
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41. I'M IN A PHONE BOOTH
IN THE HANCOCK BUILDING!
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42. YOU'RE DROWNING
IN A PHONE BOOTH?
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43. MR. SMART,
THE PHONE BOOTH'S FILLING UP WITH WATER!
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44. WELL WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE
AND CALL ME FROM ANOTHER BOOTH?
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45. I CAN'T GET OUT!
IT'S LOCKED!
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46. NOW LOOK, MISS SLOAN,
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47. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE
OR WHAT YOUR LITTLE GAME IS
Copy !req
48. BUT I DO KNOW THIS MUCH—
NOBODY CAN DROWN IN A PHONE BOOTH.
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49. MISS SLOAN?
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50. MISS SLOAN?
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51. ( clicking
phone cradle )
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52. Yes sir?
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53. OPERATOR,
I'VE BEEN CUT OFF.
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54. Sorry, sir.
Your party has been drowned.
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55. ( theme music playing )
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56. YOUR EMERGENCY REPORT
LAST NIGHT
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57. HAS BEEN CORROBORATED
TO SOME EXTENT, 86.
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58. A MISS JOANNA SLOAN WAS
FOUND DROWNED—
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59. IN A RIVER.
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60. BUT I'M TELLING
YOU, CHIEF,
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61. SHE WAS DROWNED
IN A PHONE BOOTH.
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62. MAX, BE REASONABLE.
HOW COULD A GIRL DROWN IN A PHONE BOOTH?
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63. HOW DO I KNOW?
MAYBE SHE COULDN'T SWIM.
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64. MAX, FORGET
THE PHONE BOOTH.
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65. YOU REPORTED
THAT MISS SLOAN MENTIONED A POSSIBLE LINK
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66. BETWEEN HER EMPLOYER
AND KAOS.
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67. WHAT WAS THE MAN'S NAME?
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68. MAYBE WE HAVE SOMETHING
ON HIM IN OUR OMNIFILE.
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69. WAIT A MINUTE NOW, CHIEF.
I THINK IT WAS JAAM. THAT'S IT— DR. JAAM.
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70. JAAM, CHIEF.
THAT'S WITH A "J."
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71. "J."
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72. JAAM, JAAM...
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73. ON THE OTHER HAND,
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN "SHAAM."
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74. NO, MAYBE
IT WAS "USHAAM."
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75. NO, I THINK
IT WAS "BRAAM."
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76. "BRAAM"?
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77. OH, HERE IT IS.
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78. DR. MYRON BRAAM.
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79. ON THE OTHER HAND
IT COULD HAVE BEEN "CRAAM."
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80. MAX!
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81. SORRY ABOUT
THAT, CHIEF.
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82. DR. MYRON BRAAM.
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83. HE'S ONE OF WASHINGTON'S
TOP PSYCHIATRISTS.
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84. IF HE'S BEEN
GETTING CLASSIFIED DATA FROM GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
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85. AND PASSING IT ON
TO KAOS—
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86. IT COULD DESTROY
OUR NATIONAL SECURITY.
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87. WELL, HOW ARE WE
GOING TO PROCEED, CHIEF?
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88. I HAVE A PLAN.
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89. THIS IS STEP ONE.
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90. OH, DR. BRAAM, THIS
IS GENERAL McFARLAND AT THE PENTAGON.
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91. WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU
IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION, OF COURSE.
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92. WE HAVE AN OFFICER IN OUR
SPECIAL WEAPONS BRANCH NAMED COLONEL SMART.
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93. HE'S BEEN ACTING IN A VERY
DISTURBED MANNER LATELY
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94. AND IT'S SEVERELY
AFFECTING HIS WORK.
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95. Would you be able
to see him later?
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96. YES, I CAN SEE HIM
AFTER MY LAST PATIENT TONIGHT.
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97. TELL HIM TO BE HERE
AROUND 6:00.
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98. THE BUILDING WILL BE LOCKED,
BUT THE JANITOR CAN LET HIM IN.
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99. Thank you, Doctor.
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100. FORGIVE ME, ADMIRAL.
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101. LET'S SEE NOW...
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102. AH, YES.
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103. YOU WERE TELLING ME
YOU FELT VERY GUILTY
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104. ABOUT THE THIRD FLEET.
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105. YES...
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106. WITHOUT ANY WARNING
TO THE FAMILIES OF THE CREW
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107. I HAD TO ORDER THE THIRD FLEET
TO THE MEDITERRANEAN.
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108. - NOW HERE IS STEP TWO—
- WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
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109. THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION
I WOULD LIKE TO ASK.
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110. YES?
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111. WHO IS THIS
COLONEL SMART?
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112. I DON'T BELIEVE
I KNOW HIM.
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113. MAX, YOU'RE
COLONEL SMART.
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114. OH.
I AM?
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115. YES. NOW, MAX,
I WANT YOU TO GO TO DR. BRAAM
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116. AND POSE AS
A DISTURBED ARMY OFFICER.
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117. 99 WILL GO ALONG
AS YOUR WIFE.
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118. NOW YOU ARE TO KEEP
DR. BRAAM BUSY
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119. WHILE SHE'S SEARCHING
THROUGH HIS FILES IN THE OUTER OFFICE.
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120. OH, I GET IT.
AND THEN WHILE HE'S TALKING TO HER
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121. I'LL BE SEARCHING HIS DESK
IN THE INNER OFFICE.
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122. EXACTLY.
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123. NOW, MAX, THIS IS
A DIFFICULT ASSIGNMENT.
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124. YOU'VE GOT TO CONVINCE
THE DOCTOR THAT YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED.
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125. NOW JUST A MINUTE.
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126. THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS
I'D DO FOR CONTROL, CHIEF,
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127. BUT THIS IS A LITTLE
OUT OF THE QUESTION.
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128. 86, THIS IS AN ORDER.
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129. NOW I WANT YOU TO GET
IN TOUCH WITH DR. STUEBEN
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130. IN OUR PSYCHOLOGICAL
WARFARE LAB.
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131. HE MAY BE ABLE
TO GIVE YOU A FEW IDEAS
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132. ON HOW A REALLY
DISTURBED PERSON MIGHT ACT.
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133. WELL, ALL RIGHT.
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134. BUT HONESTLY, CHIEF...
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135. CAN YOU PICTURE ME
AS A MENTAL PATIENT?
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136. ( knock on door )
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137. - DR, STUEBEN?
- YES.
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138. YOU MUST BE 86.
SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
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139. THE CHIEF ASKED ME
TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE KIND OF QUESTIONS
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140. YOU MIGHT BE ASKED
BY DR. BRAAM—
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141. SO THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE
TO MAINTAIN YOUR COVER.
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142. ARE YOU A PSYCHOLOGIST,
DR. STUEBEN?
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143. I'M THE PRESIDENT OF
THE PSYCHOLOGISTS' SOCIETY
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144. FOR MENTAL
HEALTH AND ADJUSTMENT THROUGH FULFILLMENT.
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145. AND WHAT KIND OF
AN ORGANIZATION IS THAT?
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146. WE'RE A HATE GROUP.
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147. A HATE GROUP?
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148. IN THE SENSE THAT
WE CURE HATE AND FEAR.
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149. WE HATE HATE.
HATE IT.
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150. NOW, MR. SMART,
I'M GONNA SEE YOUR RESPONSES TO A WORD ASSOCIATION TEST.
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151. I'M GOING TO SAY A WORD
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152. AND THEN YOU'LL RESPOND
WITH THE FIRST WORD THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND.
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153. ARE YOU READY?
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154. - BOY.
- GIRL.
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155. - BLACK.
- WHITE.
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156. - WIN.
- LOSE.
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157. - VERY GOOD.
- VERY BAD.
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158. - STOP!
- GO.
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159. - NO NO!
- YES YES.
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160. ALL RIGHT!
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161. ALL WRONG.
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162. NOW, MR. SMART,
I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU SOME INKBLOTS
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163. ON THESE CHARTS HERE
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164. AND I WANT YOU
TO TELL ME WHAT THEY REMIND YOU OF.
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165. ARE YOU READY?
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166. A MAN AND A WOMAN
HUGGING.
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167. HMM.
NEXT.
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168. ANOTHER MAN AND
A WOMAN HUGGING.
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169. NEXT.
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170. A MAN AND A
WOMAN KISSING.
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171. MR. SMART,
YOU SEEM TO SHOW A DEFINITE PREOCCUPATION
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172. WITH MEN AND WOMEN
HUGGING AND KISSING.
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173. ME?
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174. YOU'RE THE ONE
WITH THE WEIRD PICTURE COLLECTION!
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175. NOW FOR OUR FINAL TEST.
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176. SIT OVER HERE,
WILL YOU PLEASE?
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177. THIS IS A TEST
THAT MEASURES YOUR TOLERANCE TO DISTRACTION.
Copy !req
178. AS YOU CAN SEE, THESE WOODEN
PEGS FIT INTO THE HOLES ON THIS BOARD.
Copy !req
179. NOW FIRST YOU'RE GOING
TO INSERT THE PEGS IN THE HOLES
Copy !req
180. AND THERE WILL BE
NO DISTRACTIONS.
Copy !req
181. THAT'S SIMPLE ENOUGH,
ISN'T IT?
Copy !req
182. THAT SEEMS
FAIRLY SIMPLE.
Copy !req
183. AH, BUT THEN
YOU'LL DO IT AGAIN
Copy !req
184. AND THE SECOND TIME
YOU'LL HEAR A SYMPHONY PLAYING IN ONE EAR,
Copy !req
185. A VOICE SPEAKING
TO YOU IN THE OTHER
Copy !req
186. AND THERE'LL BE
A BRIGHT LIGHT FLASHING IN YOUR EYES.
Copy !req
187. BUT FIRST WE'LL TIME YOU
WITHOUT ANY DISTRACTIONS.
Copy !req
188. - ARE YOU READY?
- MM-HMM.
Copy !req
189. - GO!
- ( timer ticking )
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190. DOES THAT THING
HAVE TO BE TICKING?
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191. I CAN'T THINK WITH
THAT THING TICKING.
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192. BUT THAT'S
THE TIMER.
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193. IS THERE A WINDOW SHADE
FLAPPING IN HERE SOMEWHERE?
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194. I CAN'T CONCENTRATE
WITH ALL THESE DISTRACTIONS.
Copy !req
195. DOC, THESE THINGS JUST
DON'T FIT IN THE HOLES.
Copy !req
196. CAN'T I FORCE THEM IN?
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197. OF COURSE
YOU CAN'T FORCE THEM.
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198. THIS IS
CHILDISHLY SIMPLE.
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199. SEE? HERE.
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200. WAIT A MINUTE.
THE SQUARES ARE MINE.
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201. YOU USE THE ROUND ONES.
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202. WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK I'LL USE THE ROUND ONES.
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203. YOU USE THE SQUARES.
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204. ( whistling )
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205. WILL YOU STOP
THAT WHISTLING?
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206. I CAN'T CONCENTRATE!
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207. AH, YOU MUST BE
COLONEL SMART.
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208. I TOLD YOU THIS
WAS THE OFFICE.
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209. THIS IS MY WIFE.
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210. - HOW DO YOU DO?
- HELLO.
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211. - I WANTED TO COME ALONE,
BUT SHE WOULDN'T LET ME. - HA!
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212. I HAD TO DRIVE HIM HERE.
HE'S TERRIFIED BEHIND THE WHEEL.
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213. IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I'VE BEEN
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214. HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE
WITH MY DRIVER'S TEST.
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215. ALMOST PASSED IT
THE LAST TIME.
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216. JUST MADE ONE
LITTLE MISTAKE—
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217. SLAMMED THE DOOR ON
THE INSTRUCTOR'S HAND.
Copy !req
218. - WOULD YOU MIND WAITING
FOR US OUT HERE? - NOT AT ALL.
Copy !req
219. COME ALONG, COLONEL.
WE'LL GO INSIDE.
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220. SIT DOWN, COLONEL.
Copy !req
221. YOU REALIZE
OF COURSE, DOCTOR,
Copy !req
222. THAT THIS IS QUITE
EMBARRASSING FOR ME,
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223. I MEAN, HAVING TO
CALL ON A PSYCHIATRIST.
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224. NONSENSE, COLONEL.
Copy !req
225. MEN LIKE YOURSELF,
RESPONSIBLE MEN IN OUR GOVERNMENT,
Copy !req
226. - MAKE UP THE BULK
OF MY PRACTICE. - YOU DON'T SAY.
Copy !req
227. DO YOU REALIZE
THAT A HIGH-RANKING AMERICAN OFFICIAL
Copy !req
228. BREAKS DOWN EVERY DAY?
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229. MY GOODNESS.
Copy !req
230. HOW DOES HE STAND IT?
Copy !req
231. NOW I USUALLY FIND IT MORE
HELPFUL WITH MY PATIENTS
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232. IF WE USE THE COUCH.
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233. - DO YOU MIND?
- CERTAINLY NOT, DOCTOR.
Copy !req
234. MAKE YOURSELF
COMFORTABLE.
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235. NO, NOT ME.
FOR YOU, COLONEL.
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236. OH.
YES, OF COURSE.
Copy !req
237. NOW COLONEL, THIS IS
PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME
Copy !req
238. YOU'VE EVER HAD
A PSYCHIATRIC EXAMINATION,
Copy !req
239. - RIGHT?
- WRONG.
Copy !req
240. - WRONG?
- RIGHT.
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241. - RIGHT?
- LEFT.
Copy !req
242. - PLEASE.
- THANK YOU.
Copy !req
243. - COLONEL—
- MAJOR.
Copy !req
244. NOW, COLONEL, TELL ME,
WHAT IS REALLY DISTURBING YOU?
Copy !req
245. WELL, DOCTOR, YOU SEE,
I KEEP GETTING THESE FANTASTIC DREAMS.
Copy !req
246. OH?
TELL ME ABOUT THEM.
Copy !req
247. WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME
DREAM. I DREAM THAT I AM SECRETARY OF THE ARMY
Copy !req
248. AND I'M SITTING
IN THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE
Copy !req
249. AND WORD COMES
THAT ALL OF MY MEN HAVE BEEN CAPTURED.
Copy !req
250. AND IN A FLASH
I REALIZE THAT I'M OUT OF A JOB.
Copy !req
251. WELL, PEOPLE OFTEN DREAM
OF HAVING GREAT POWER.
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252. I MYSELF
FREQUENTLY DREAM
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253. THAT I AM A RULER
OF A LATIN AMERICAN COUNTRY.
Copy !req
254. DO YOU NEED
A SECRETARY OF THE ARMY?
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255. A GREAT MANY MEN
WHO BEAR
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256. A GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR THEIR NATION'S SAFETY
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257. FIND THE BURDEN
TOO GREAT AT TIMES.
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258. NOW MANY OF MY PATIENTS
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259. FIND CERTAIN RELIEF
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260. BY SHARING THESE BURDENS
WITH THEIR PSYCHIATRIST.
Copy !req
261. YOU REALLY THINK
THAT WILL HELP, DOCTOR?
Copy !req
262. I KNOW IT WOULD.
Copy !req
263. NOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WORK?
Copy !req
264. ALL RIGHT, DOCTOR.
YOU KNOW, I'M WITH MISSILE RESEARCH
Copy !req
265. AND WE JUST SENT
A ROCKET UP YESTERDAY.
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266. - IS THAT SO?
- YES.
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267. DO YOU KNOW, DOCTOR,
THAT THAT ROCKET REACHED A MAXIMUM SPEED
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268. OF 185,000 MILES
PER HOUR?
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269. FANTASTIC!
AT WHAT STAGE DID IT REACH THAT SPEED?
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270. JUST BEFORE IT CRASHED.
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271. WHERE WAS THAT?
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272. DOWNTOWN ALBUQUERQUE.
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273. I SEE.
HOW VERY UNFORTUNATE.
Copy !req
274. YES, AND I'D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULDN'T MENTION IT, DOCTOR.
Copy !req
275. YOU KNOW HOW THE PRESS IS—
GET AHOLD OF SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
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276. RIGHT AWAY THEY'LL TRY
TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT.
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277. I HAVE A FEELING
THE PUBLIC WILL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER, THOUGH.
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278. WHY IS THAT?
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279. IT WAS TELEVISED.
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280. I SEE.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
Copy !req
281. LET ME SEE...
YES, DOCTOR.
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282. YOU SEE, I'M WORKING
ON A TOP SECRET SPACE VEHICLE OF MY OWN.
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283. WHAT IS
THIS SPACE VEHICLE?
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284. GOSSAMER WINGS.
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285. GOSSAMER WINGS?
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286. A TRIP TO THE MOON
ON GOSSAMER WINGS.
Copy !req
287. AND WHAT HAPPENED?
Copy !req
288. IT WAS JUST ONE
OF THOSE THINGS.
Copy !req
289. - COLONEL SMART—
- ( file drawer bumps )
Copy !req
290. EXCUSE ME.
I MUST SEE WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE.
Copy !req
291. I'LL BET THAT'S MY WIFE.
SHE HAS A CLEANING FETISH!
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292. MRS. SMART.
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293. YOUR FILES ARE FILTHY.
Copy !req
294. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE
CONDITION OF MY FILES, MRS. SMART,
Copy !req
295. BUT I LOST MY SECRETARY
ONLY YESTERDAY.
Copy !req
296. THAT WAS VERY
CARELESS OF YOU.
Copy !req
297. NO DOUBT.
NOW WOULD YOU MIND SITTING DOWN?
Copy !req
298. ( sighs )
Copy !req
299. AND YOUR CHAIR IS DUSTY.
Copy !req
300. PLEASE RELAX,
MRS. SMART.
Copy !req
301. I MUST GET BACK
TO MY PATIENT.
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302. I had to order the Third Fleet to the Mediterranean.
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303. IS MY WIFE ALL RIGHT?
Copy !req
304. YES, COLONEL SMART,
Copy !req
305. IF THAT'S REALLY
YOUR NAME.
Copy !req
306. YOUR WIFE'S
ALL RIGHT.
Copy !req
307. BUT I'M AFRAID
YOU'RE NOT.
Copy !req
308. - MARKOVICH?
- Yes, sir?
Copy !req
309. THE YOUNG WOMAN IN
THE FRONT OFFICE—
Copy !req
310. BRING HER IN HERE.
Copy !req
311. Right.
Copy !req
312. WHAT IS THE
MEANING OF THIS?
Copy !req
313. I SAW YOU SEARCHING
MY OFFICE, COLONEL.
Copy !req
314. - THAT'S PART
OF MY NEUROSIS. - YEAH?
Copy !req
315. WELL, IT'S A NEUROSIS THAT
YOU'LL NEVER LIVE TO CURE.
Copy !req
316. THERE'S NO ONE
OUT HERE.
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317. WELL, THE BUILDING'S LOCKED.
SHE CAN'T GET AWAY.
Copy !req
318. WE'LL TAKE CARE
OF THE COLONEL FIRST,
Copy !req
319. THEN WE'LL GET THE GIRL.
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320. DR. BRAAM,
YOU'RE A SICK MAN.
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321. MAX, IN HERE.
Copy !req
322. THEY'RE BOTH
IN THE PHONE BOOTH.
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323. HOW CONVENIENT.
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324. GOOD WORK, 99.
YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.
Copy !req
325. THEY'LL NEVER THINK
OF LOOKING IN HERE. AFTER THEY'VE GONE BY
Copy !req
326. WE CAN SNEAK BACK
AND GET OUT A WINDOW.
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327. RIGHT. THERE'S NO PLACE
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328. SAFER IN THE WORLD TO HIDE
THAN A PHONE BOOTH.
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329. MAX, WATER!
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330. LET'S GO.
Copy !req
331. - 99, WE'RE LOCKED IN.
- BUT HOW?
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332. I DON'T KNOW. THE DOORS
MUST SEAL AUTOMATICALLY
Copy !req
333. - WHEN THE WATER
IS RELEASED. - OH!
Copy !req
334. THIS IS SOME KIND
OF SHATTERPROOF GLASS.
Copy !req
335. 99, THIS IS NO
ORDINARY PHONE BOOTH.
Copy !req
336. MAX, WHAT DO WE DO?
Copy !req
337. I DON'T KNOW.
IF I HAD A GUN WE COULD BLAST OUR WAY OUT.
Copy !req
338. - I'VE GOT A GUN!
- OH GOOD, GIVE IT TO ME!
Copy !req
339. OH, NO, I LEFT IT IN
MY PURSE IN DR. BRAAM'S WAITING ROOM.
Copy !req
340. MAX, YOUR TELEPHONE SHOE!
WE CAN CALL THE CHIEF!
Copy !req
341. RIGHT!
Copy !req
342. - SHORT CIRCUIT, 99.
- OH NO.
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343. IF WE COULD ONLY
CALL THE CHIEF.
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344. WAIT. WE'RE IN
A PHONE BOOTH.
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345. OF COURSE WE'RE—
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346. RIGHT, 99.
Copy !req
347. 99, DO YOU HAVE ANY CHANGE?
ALL I HAVE IS A QUARTER.
Copy !req
348. OH, MAX,
USE THE QUARTER!
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349. USE A QUARTER
FOR A 10¢ PHONE CALL?
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350. 99, IF YOU THROW YOUR MONEY
AROUND LIKE THAT
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351. YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING LEFT
FOR A RAINY DAY.
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352. MAX, HURRY!
Copy !req
353. OH, ALL RIGHT.
Copy !req
354. OH...
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355. Operator.
Copy !req
356. HELLO, OPERATOR?
NOW LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN CAREFULLY—
Copy !req
357. I WANT YOU TO GET ME
A SPECIAL WASHINGTON PHONE NUMBER.
Copy !req
358. THIS IS A
TOP-SECRET NUMBER.
Copy !req
359. ONLY A FEW PEOPLE
KNOW IT.
Copy !req
360. I WANT YOU TO FORGET IT
THE MINUTE THAT I TELL IT TO YOU.
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361. THE NUMBER IS 628-3097.
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362. Oh, you want Control.
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363. - One moment please.
- ( line ringing )
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364. Hello?
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365. HELLO, CHIEF.
THIS IS MAX.
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366. LISTEN, CHIEF, YOU WANT
TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
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367. I'M DROWNING
IN A PHONE BOOTH.
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368. DROWNING
IN A PHONE BOOTH?
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369. YES, CHIEF.
YOU SEE, WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT MISS SLOAN—
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370. THAT WAS RIGHT.
SHE DIDN'T DROWN IN THE RIVER.
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371. MAX, PLEASE TELL
HIM WHERE WE ARE!
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372. OH, RIGHT, 99.
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373. CHIEF, I THINK WE'RE GONNA
NEED HELP IN A HURRY.
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374. - WHERE ARE YOU, MAX?
- UH—
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375. I'm sorry. Your time is up.
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376. Insert 10¢ more, please.
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377. BUT, OPERATOR, I DON'T
HAVE ANY MORE CHANGE
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378. AND THIS IS A MATTER
OF LIFE AND DEATH.
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379. That's what
they all say, sir.
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380. ( click )
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381. MAX, THE WATER, IT'S RISING.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
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382. TAKE BIG SWALLOWS.
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383. LISTEN, 99, I THINK
WE CAN BUY SOME TIME
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384. IF ONE OF US
HELPS THE OTHER ONE UP ON THEIR SHOULDER.
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385. - GOOD THINKING, 86.
- GIVE ME A BOOST UP.
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386. NO, MAX, WOULDN'T IT
BE BETTER IF I GOT ON YOUR SHOULDERS?
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387. RIGHT, 99, OKAY.
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388. WHAT'S WRONG, MAX?
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389. 99, I THINK YOU'D BETTER
GIVE ME A "ONE-TWO-THREE, UP."
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390. ( groans )
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391. ONE-TWO-THREE,
UP!
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392. NOW WHAT'S WRONG?
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393. WELL, YOUR "ONE-TWO-THREE"
WAS NICE,
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394. BUT YOUR "UP"
WAS A LITTLE SLOPPY.
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395. OH, MAX, HURRY!
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396. RIGHT.
AND BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR RING, 99.
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397. - OH, MAX!
- WHAT?
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398. MY RING—
IT'S A DIAMOND!
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399. SO WHAT?
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400. ( gasps )
IT CUTS GLASS.
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401. THAT FILING CABINET
NEARLY EMPTY, MARKOVICH?
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402. JUST ABOUT, DOCTOR.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
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403. I'M GOING TO GET
THESE PAPERS BACK TO KAOS
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404. THEN I'M GETTING OUT
OF THE COUNTRY.
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405. WHAT ABOUT ME?
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406. YOU'LL STAY HERE,
GET RID OF THE BODIES
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407. AND JOIN ME
AT THE AIRPORT TONIGHT.
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408. ANYBODY GOT A TOWEL?
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409. - SMART!
- THAT'S RIGHT.
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410. NOW JUST TAKE IT EASY,
GET UP, AND RAISE YOUR HANDS.
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411. COME ON, YOU TOO.
UP!
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412. WELL, DR. BRAAM,
IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR LITTLE GAME IS OVER.
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413. AND SO IT MUST
ALWAYS END
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414. FOR THOSE WHO USE
THE HUMAN BRAIN FOR EVIL
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415. INSTEAD OF
FRIENDLINESS.
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416. HOW DID YOU GET OUT
OF THAT BOOTH?
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417. AS A PSYCHIATRIST,
DR. BRAAM,
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418. YOU SHOULD HAVE REALIZED
THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WERE DEALING WITH—
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419. RESOURCEFUL, CUNNING,
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420. A MAN WHO THINKS FAST
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421. AND DOES A VERY NICE
JOB UNDER PRESSURE.
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422. I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU
GOT OUT OF THAT BOOTH.
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423. 99 USED HER DIAMOND RING
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424. TO CUT OUR WAY THROUGH
THE GLASS OF THE BOOTH.
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425. VERY CLEVER, SMART.
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426. THANK YOU.
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427. YOU SEE, DR. BRAAM,
YOU NEVER REALLY HAD A CHANCE.
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428. BEHIND YOU STANDS
THE KAOS HIGH COMMAND,
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429. BUT BEHIND ME
IS THE CHIEF—
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430. A SILENT,
DEDICATED MAN
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431. WHO WOULD WILLINGLY
SEND MEN TO THEIR DEATH TO OVERCOME YOU.
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432. THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION
I'D LIKE TO ASK, DR. BRAAM.
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433. YEAH?
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434. AS A PSYCHIATRIST,
DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HELP HIM?
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435. COME IN, MAX.
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436. - THAT WAS GOOD WORK
YOU DID LAST NIGHT. - THANK YOU, CHIEF.
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437. TELL ME, DID YOU FIND
ANY FIRM EVIDENCE OF ESPIONAGE
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438. THAT WILL STAND UP
IN COURT?
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439. I CERTAINLY DID.
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440. WAIT TILL YOU
HEAR THIS, CHIEF.
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441. Max's voice:
But behind me is the Chief—
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442. a silent,
dedicated man
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443. who would willingly
send men to their death—
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444. UH, THERE'S A LOT
OF GOOD STUFF IN THERE, CHIEF.
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445. SO I SEE.
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446. WELL, THAT BUSINESS ABOUT
SENDING MEN TO THEIR DEATH—
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447. I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, CHIEF.
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448. BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
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449. I DID NEARLY SEND YOU
AND 99 TO YOUR DEATHS.
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450. BUT THAT IS MY JOB,
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451. AND IT'S A FILTHY JOB.
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452. I WONDER HOW
IT ALL STARTED.
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453. WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME ABOUT IT, CHIEF?
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454. WELL, I GUESS IT ALL
STARTED WHEN I WAS A CHILD.
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455. I WAS DIFFERENT SOMEHOW
FROM OTHER CHILDREN—
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456. SORT OF AN OUTCAST.
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457. THEN I STARTED HAVING
THIS RECURRING DREAM
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458. THAT I WAS
SECRETARY OF THE ARMY
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459. AND I WAS IN
THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE
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460. AND WORD CAME TO ME
THAT ALL MY MEN HAD BEEN CAPTURED.
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461. IN ONE BLINDING FLASH
IT CAME TO ME THAT...
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462. YOU WERE
OUT OF A JOB.
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463. HOW DID YOU KNOW?
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464. I LOST MY JOB
THE SAME WAY, CHIEF.
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465. ( theme music playing )
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