George Lopez 2x17

Jacqueline Obradors as Gloria • Emiliano Díez as Vic Palmero

As a surprise for Angie's birthday, George arranges for her father Vic and sister Gloria to visit for the celebration. Upset about her upcoming divorce and jealous of her sister's marriage to a good man, Gloria makes an inappropriate advance towards George-which Max witnesses.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. OKAY, HERE IS THIS WEEK´S SCHEDULE.

2. MONDAY IS MAX´S SOCCER GAME...

3. TUESDAY IS CARMEN´S DANCE CLASS...

4. WEDNESDAY´S MY BIRTHDAY...

5. THURSDAY´S THE DAY AFTER MY BIRTHDAY...

6. FRIDAY IS TWO DAYS AFTER MY BIRTHDAY...

7. AND SATURDAY,

8. IF WE HAVE NOT CELEBRATED MY BIRTHDAY BY THEN,

9. I´LL BE KNOWN AS THE WIDOW LOPEZ.

10. ANGIE, I KNOW WEDNESDAY´S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

11. YEAH, I KNOW IT IS, TOO.

12. I SAW A BUNCH OF EMPTY BOXES OF HAIR DYE IN THE TRASH.

13. KIDS, NOTICE HOW AT FEEDING TIME,

14. THE OLD, DOMINANT CHIMP

15. CHALLENGES THE YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL ONE.

16. YOU KNOW WHAT? CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT.

17. I´M EATING YOUR FOOD, I´M DRINKING YOUR BEER,

18. I´M WATCHING YOUR TELEVISION.

19. YEAH, I´M THE MONKEY.

20. SO...

21. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED FOR MY BIRTHDAY?

22. ANGIE, PLEASE, I GOT —

23. DON´T SAY, "I GOT THIS."

24. [ High-pitched voice ] I WILL DO MY BEST TO GET THIS!

25. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET HER, DAD?

26. I HAVE NO IDEA.

27. GEORGE, THAT WAS A GREAT BIRTHDAY DINNER...

28. BUT I STILL THINK YOU SPENT WAY TOO MUCH MONEY.

29. COME ON — THAT PLACE WAS A BIG RIP-OFF.

30. THE WHOLE STEAK... IS STUCK RIGHT HERE IN MY TOOTH.

31. GRANDMA, IF YOU FINISHED YOUR STEAK,

32. THEN WHAT´S IN THE SWAN?

33. I DON´T KNOW.

34. SOME LADY WAS DUMB ENOUGH TO LEAVE IT ON THE BATHROOM SINK.

35. YOU´RE JUST A BIG MEXICAN HILLBILLY, AREN´T YOU?

36. ANGIE, WHY DON´T YOU COME OVER TO THE COUCH, MY LOVE?

37. IT´S TIME TO OPEN GIFTS. YOUR BIRTHDAY´S NOT OVER.

38. WHO´S FIRST?

39. I´LL GO! I´LL GO!

40. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM.

41. OH, HONEY.

42. OH, YOU WROTE ME A POEM.

43. MM-HMM. OH!

44. A SINGLE-SPACE...

45. 30-PAGE POEM.

46. HEY, ALL RIGHT. GOOD STUFF. WHO´S NEXT?

47. I´LL GO LAST.

48. I´LL GO GET MY GIFT.

49. MOM, WHY DON´T YOU GIVE ANGIE YOURS?

50. OH.

51. WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, IT´S STILL WARM.

52. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

53. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY.

54. WHAT IS THAT?

55. IT´S A HOMEMADE VIDEO.

56. IS THAT OUR TRIP TO THE LAKE?

57. ´CAUSE THE KIDS CAN´T SEE THAT.

58. JUST WATCH.

59. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MI HIJA!

60. OH, IT´S DADDY!

61. YOUR MOTHER WANTED TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOO,

62. BUT SHE´S VOLUNTEERING

63. AT A DERMATOLOGY CLINIC IN GUATEMALA.

64. THERE IS SOMEBODY ELSE HERE, THOUGH.

65. HEY, SIS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

66. OH, MY GOD — MY SISTER!

67. HOW DID YOU GET HER TO DO THIS?

68. WE´RE NOT EVEN TALKING.

69. IF WE WERE, I´D TELL HER THOSE BANGS WERE A BAD IDEA.

70. AND ALL YOUR COUSINS FROM SARASOTA SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

71. OH, YEAH?

72. HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR DAD LOOKS?

73. IF THAT MUSTACHE WERE ANY BIGGER,

74. HE COULD SMUGGLE CUBANS IN IT.

75. I KNOW WE HAD THAT SPAT AT MY WEDDING,

76. BUT THIS NO TALKING IS RIDICULOUS.

77. I MISS YOU... AND GEORGE CALLED

78. WITH THIS FABULOUS IDEA FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY,

79. SO TURN AROUND AND YOU´LL SEE YOUR PRESENT.

80. TURN AROUND?

81. JUST TURN AROUND AND KISS YOUR HAIRY FATHER.

82. OH, PAPI!

83. GLORIA!

84. OH!

85. I CAN´T BELIEVE YOU´RE HERE.

86. YEAH, GEORGE FLEW US OUT... COACH.

87. DON´T ANYBODY MOVE. I´M GONNA GET MY CAMERA.

88. OKAY, THIS IS KIND OF A COMBINED BIRTHDAY/"LET´S MAKE UP" GIFT,

89. SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANGE.

90. JEEZ.

91. OH, MY GOD.

92. IT´S BEAUTIFUL.

93. IT´S CHANEL.

94. I CAN´T WEAR IT AGAIN.

95. I WORE IT AT A BENEFIT, AND I WAS PHOTOGRAPHED IN IT.

96. OH, YOU SHOW UP ON FILM NOW?

97. LISTEN...

98. WHAT I SAID ABOUT RICHARD — I´M REALLY SORRY.

99. ANGIE — NO, LET ME SAY THIS.

100. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM MARRYING HIM,

101. AND I WISH HE WAS HERE

102. SO I COULD APOLOGIZE TO HIM, TOO.

103. WELL, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE,

104. BUT, UH, HE´S KIND OF BUSY — DIVORCING ME.

105. WHAT?

106. OOOOOH HAH!

107. HERE YOU GO.

108. NO.

109. I DON´T GET IT.

110. IT WAS ONLY TWO YEARS.

111. RICHARD WAS PERFECT — PROFESSIONAL, WEALTHY,

112. HANDSOME...

113. CUBAN.

114. I´M STUPEFIED.

115. HOW CAN YOU AND RICHARD BE GETTING A DIVORCE

116. WHEN THESE TWO ARE STILL TOGETHER?

117. GO AHEAD AND COMPLAIN,

118. BUT I´M ALL YOU GOT LEFT, PAPI.

119. THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME WAY YOU COULD HAVE WORKED THIS OUT.

120. HOW DO YOU WORK IT OUT WHEN YOUR HUSBAND´S NEVER HOME,

121. WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE THERE´S A STRANGER IN YOUR BED?

122. HOW DO YOU WORK IT OUT WHEN YOU´RE CHANGING THE SHEETS

123. AND YOU FIND THE STRANGER´S PANTIES?

124. I´M A LITTLE CONFUSED HERE. WERE THEY HIS PANTIES?

125. GLORIA, YOU KEEP GOING FOR THESE HOT, SEXY, RICH GUYS

126. WHEN YOU SHOULD BE GOING FOR A GUY LIKE GEORGE.

127. THAT´S RIGHT — COSMO SAYS "BORING" AND "HARDWORKING"

128. IS THE NEW HOT AND RICH.

129. IT IS FOR ME.

130. MMM. MAMA.

131. HEY, STOP IT.

132. I MEAN, YOUR SISTER HAS A BROKEN HEART.

133. COME ON, GLORIA.

134. EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING.

135. REMEMBER WHAT DAD SAID TO US

136. WHEN HE WALKED US DOWN THE AISLE?

137. "HOLD ON TO THIS ONE, AND NEVER LET HIM GO"?

138. YOU SAID TO ME,

139. "WHEN YOU MAKE WAFFLES, YOU ALWAYS THROW OUT THE FIRST ONE."

140. I TAILOR MY MESSAGE TO THE MOMENT.

141. WELL, DAD GOT IT WRONG.

142. I´D BE HAPPY TO HAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

143. I´M SORRY. I GOT TO STOP THIS.

144. THIS IS ANGIE´S DAY.

145. LET´S ALL GO OUTSIDE AND MAKE THIS A PARTY.

146. DAD, HELP ME WITH THE PLATES.

147. GEORGE, CAN YOU BRING OUT THE REST OF THE CAKE?

148. SURE.

149. I´LL BE RIGHT OUT. OKAY.

150. GEORGE, YOU HAVE A LITTLE ICING THERE.

151. WHERE?

152. RIGHT THERE.

153. MMM.

154. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

155. WHAT? WHAT SHE JUST DID.

156. "YOU GOT ICING THERE.

157. MMM."

158. DUDE, THAT´S MY SISTER-IN-LAW.

159. OH, YEAH. RIGHT.

160. HEY! GLORIA!

161. WHY ARE UNCLE RICHARD AND AUNT GLORIA

162. GETTING A DIVORCE?

163. OH, WELL, MAX, IT´S COMPLICATED.

164. SOMETIMES PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER,

165. BUT IT JUST DOESN´T WORK OUT.

166. THAT´S SAD.

167. IT CAN ALSO BE PRETTY FUNNY,

168. LIKE THAT TIME MRS. ORTEGA

169. CHASED MR. ORTEGA DOWN THE STREET WITH A PLUNGER.

170. THAT´S MY FIRST NAKED LADY.

171. YEAH, I´M SORRY ABOUT THAT, MAX.

172. AT LEAST HER BREASTS COVERED MOST OF HER BODY.

173. ALL RIGHT. IT´S GETTING LATE.

174. WE´LL FINISH THIS TOMORROW, SO GET UP TO BED.

175. I´M IN HERE!

176. OH, HEY, HEY, LINGERIE.

177. I´M SORRY.

178. I JUST CAME OUT FOR A SMOKE, AND I SAW THE LIGHT WAS ON.

179. I THOUGHT YOU QUIT SMOKING.

180. I THOUGHT RICHARD QUIT SECRETARIES.

181. GOT IT.

182. SINCE WE´RE HERE...

183. CAN I CONFESS SOMETHING?

184. YOU WORE THE CHANEL DRESS MORE THAN ONCE,

185. DIDN´T YOU?

186. A MAN KNOWS.

187. WHEN ANGIE FIRST BROUGHT YOU HOME,

188. I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HUGE LOSER.

189. OKAY, I´LL CONFESS SOMETHING, TOO.

190. I WAS IN THE KITCHEN, AND I HEARD YOU SAY,

191. "ANGIE, THIS GUY´S A HUGE LOSER."

192. WELL, I JUST WANT TO SAY I WAS MOSTLY WRONG.

193. THANKS.

194. I´M, UH, I´M ACTUALLY A LITTLE JEALOUS OF HER.

195. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?

196. I THINK SHE´S ACTUALLY A LITTLE JEALOUS OF YOU, TOO.

197. ARE YOU INSANE?

198. YOU´RE RIGHT. I SHOULD TURN OFF THE LIGHTS. NO.

199. YOU WANT THE LIGHTS ON? NO!

200. YOU WANT ME UP ON THE BENCH? NO!

201. I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER I´M MARRIED TO YOUR SISTER.

202. OH, MAN.

203. ORALE! NOT YOU, TOO.

204. MOM, I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY.

205. BUT SINCE YOU´RE HERE, LOOK...

206. SOMETHING HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

207. OH, JUST FLIP THE MATTRESS OVER. NO ONE KNOWS.

208. ANGIE´S SISTER CAME ON TO ME.

209. WHAT?

210. I´M SERIOUS. GLORIA TRIED TO KISS ME LAST NIGHT.

211. OH, MY GOD!

212. I DON´T BELIEVE THIS!

213. YOU´RE SAYING MY GLORIA TRIED TO KISS YOU? VIC —

214. I DON´T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU GOT ONE PALMERO WOMAN,

215. AND YOU THINK TWO ARE AFTER YOU?

216. WHERE´S MY WIFE? IS SHE IN YOUR PANTS?

217. JUST KEEP YOUR LITTLE FANTASIES TO YOURSELF.

218. I DON´T WANT MY GIRLS FIGHTING BECAUSE YOUR EGO IS SO BIG

219. YOU THINK EVERYONE´S TRYING TO KISS YOU.

220. ARE THESE KISSES, HUH?

221. IS THIS GOOD FOR YOU?

222. I THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULD BUY ME DINNER NOW

223. BECAUSE WE ARE KISSING.

224. IMAGINE — THERE´S AN ISLAND OF PEOPLE JUST LIKE HIM.

225. YOU BELIEVE GLORIA KISSED ME, RIGHT?

226. OH, YEAH, I BELIEVE YOU. SHE FLIRTS WITH EVERYBODY.

227. SHE WOULD TONGUE A COW FOR CREAM IN HER COFFEE.

228. SO, WHAT DO I DO?

229. IF I TELL ANGIE,

230. I RUIN HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER SISTER,

231. AND IF I DON´T TELL HER AND SHE FINDS OUT FROM GLORIA,

232. THEN IT LOOKS LIKE I WAS TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING.

233. I SAY DON´T TELL HER.

234. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LIE IN ORDER TO PROTECT SOMEONE.

235. REMEMBER THAT LITTLE DOG, MUSKY, YOU HAD,

236. AND ONE DAY IT WAS GONE,

237. AND I TOLD YOU THAT HE GOT HIT BY A CAR?

238. YEAH?

239. WELL, THAT WAS NOT TRUE.

240. HE RAN AWAY.

241. SO HE COULD STILL BE ALIVE?

242. WELL, HE CAME BACK,

243. BUT I HAD TO TAKE HIM TO THE POUND

244. BECAUSE I DIDN´T WANT YOU TO THINK

245. THAT YOUR MOTHER WAS A LIAR.

246. GLORIA´S NOT DOWN HERE YET?

247. MAN, YOU CANNOT GET THAT GIRL OUT OF BED.

248. NO KIDDING.

249. LOOK, ANGIE, ABOUT YOUR SISTER —

250. I KNOW, SHE´S GOT HER PROBLEMS.

251. BUT LAST NIGHT AFTER YOU WENT TO BED,

252. WE STAYED UP TALKING.

253. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN I DON´T KNOW HOW LONG,

254. I FELT LIKE I HAD A SISTER AGAIN.

255. AND I HAVE YOU TO THANK FOR THAT.

256. SO, YOU´RE HAPPY?

257. I´M REALLY HAPPY.

258. WELL, THAT´S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

259. I´LL GO GET MAX, AND WE´LL FINISH HIS SKATEBOARD.

260. CAN YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME?

261. SURE.

262. WHILE GLORIA´S OUT HERE,

263. I REALLY WANT YOU TWO TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.

264. I THINK THAT´S HAPPENING, ANGIE. I REALLY DO.

265. DUDE, READY TO FINISH THAT SKATEBOARD?

266. I DON´T CARE ABOUT THE SKATEBOARD ANYMORE.

267. THE SKATEBOARD´S GONNA GO 40 MILES AN HOUR.

268. THE GUYS FROM "JACKASS" WOULDN´T EVEN RIDE IT.

269. WHY WERE YOU KISSING AUNT GLORIA?

270. WHAT?

271. I SAW YOU.

272. MAX...

273. I WASN´T KISSING AUNT GLORIA.

274. SHE KISSED ME.

275. I LOVE YOUR MOTHER,

276. AND THIS FAMILY IS EVERYTHING TO ME,

277. AND I WOULDN´T DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU GUYS, OKAY?

278. OKAY.

279. GOOD.

280. NOW, COME ON, LET´S GO DOWN AND WORK ON YOUR SKATEBOARD.

281. ARE YOU AND MOM GONNA GET A DIVORCE?

282. NO.

283. YOU KNOW WHAT? WAIT RIGHT HERE.

284. OH! DON´T YOU EVER WEAR CLOTHES?

285. DID YOU KNOCK ON MY DOOR TO FIND OUT?

286. MAX SAW YOU KISS ME LAST NIGHT.

287. HE WANTS TO KNOW IF ANGIE AND I ARE GETTING A DIVORCE.

288. OH, MY GOD. GEORGE, I´M SORRY.

289. I´M NOT LETTING YOU MESS UP MY FAMILY,

290. SO PUT ON ALL THE CLOTHES YOU HAVE

291. UNTIL IT RESEMBLES A TASTEFUL PANTSUIT,

292. AND GO DOWN AND TALK TO MAX NOW.

293. HEY. CAN I COME IN?

294. YOU DON´T HAVE TO TALK TO ME. MY DAD ALREADY DID.

295. OKAY. YOU´RE MAD AT ME.

296. WHY´D YOU KISS HIM?

297. I DON´T KNOW.

298. WHY DID I MARRY CHARLIE SHEEN FOR A WEEK?

299. YOU HAVE TO ASK MY THERAPIST.

300. HEY, MAX, I WASN´T TRYING TO TAKE YOUR DAD AWAY

301. OR HURT YOUR MOM.

302. I JUST BROKE UP WITH MY HUSBAND,

303. AND, I DON´T KNOW, MAYBE I´M SAD.

304. AND SEEING HOW HAPPY YOUR DAD MAKES YOUR MOM,

305. I GUESS I WANTED SOME OF THAT... HAPPINESS.

306. OKAY.

307. HEY!

308. SOMEONE COULD SEE.

309. I´M SORRY, MAX. I COULDN´T HELP MYSELF.

310. YOU ARE SO CUTE.

311. MY DAD SAYS IT´S THE HAIR.

312. HOW´D IT GO?

313. GOOD.

314. BUT, UM, I THINK I SHOULD LEAVE.

315. YEAH, I THINK YOU SHOULD.

316. OH!

317. GEORGE, SHE WALKED RIGHT BY YOU.

318. WAS THAT A QUICKIE?

319. MAX...

320. I GET IT — NOTHING HAPPENED!

321. GOOD.

322. LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY

323. ABOUT YOUR MOM AND ME GETTING A DIVORCE.

324. I GREW UP WITHOUT A DAD,

325. AND I WOULD NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU.

326. ARE WE GONNA TELL MOM?

327. YEAH, I THINK WE SHOULD.

328. OKAY. LET´S GO.

329. WHOA-HO-HO!

330. I DIDN´T FINISH.

331. I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER

332. TO WAIT TILL AUNT GLORIA LEAVES.

333. OKAY.

334. YOU KNOW, SHE TRIED TO KISS ME, TOO.

335. SHOULD I TELL MOM THAT?

336. NO, BUT, UH, WHY DON´T YOU TELL GRANDPA VIC?

337. I THINK HE MIGHT GET A KICK OUT OF IT.

338. I WISH YOU DIDN´T HAVE TO GO.

339. WE WERE HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME.

340. I KNOW, BUT THE POLICE

341. WANT ME TO FILE A REPORT ON THE BREAK-IN.

342. IT´S A BIG HASSLE, BUT I NEED TO BE THERE.

343. YEP, GOTTA GO. BIG EMERGENCY.

344. CARMEN, MAX! COME SAY GOODBYE.

345. THAT WAS A KISS GOODBYE.

346. HERE´S A HUG.

347. AY!

348. COME ON, DADDY.

349. BYE.

350. AUNT GLORIA KISSED DAD!

351. THAT´S HOW PEOPLE SAY GOODBYE, MAX.

352. NO — IN THE GARAGE, LAST NIGHT.

353. OH! WHAT?

354. IN HER NIGHTGOWN —

355. THE RED ONE, NOT THE BLACK ONE.

356. DAD SAID WE SHOULD WAIT TILL SHE LEFT TO TELL YOU.

357. LEFT THE CITY, MAN — NOT THE PORCH!

358. IS THIS TRUE?

359. Yeah.

360. GLORIA!

361. WHAT´S GONNA HAPPEN?

362. WELL, THE NEIGHBORS ARE GONNA CALL THE POLICE,

363. AND THEN PEOPLE ARE GONNA WALK BY THE HOUSE

364. AND SAY, "YEAH, THAT´S WHERE THOSE PEOPLE LIVE."

365. THEN THE PROPERTY VALUES ARE GONNA DO DOWN,

366. AND EVENTUALLY THE COPS ARE GONNA ARREST ME

367. IN THE FRONT YARD WITH NO SHIRT ON.

368. SO, I DIDN´T HEAR A LOT OF YELLING.

369. WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE?

370. WE TALKED.

371. SHE CONFESSED, SHE APOLOGIZED,

372. AND THEN I GAVE HER HER HAIR BACK.

373. YOU KNOW, I WAS GONNA TELL YOU AS SOON AS SHE LEFT.

374. GEORGE, IF THERE´S ONE THING I KNOW,

375. IT´S THAT I CAN TRUST YOU.

376. ANGIE, I´M SO SORRY YOUR BIRTHDAY TURNED OUT LIKE THIS.

377. OH, IT´S NOT YOUR FAULT. IT´S GLORIA´S.

378. SHE´S SO COMPETITIVE. IT´S DISGUSTING.

379. SO... WHO´S A BETTER KISSER?

380. MR. NEEDLES.

381. ONCE YOU GET PAST THAT BREATH, IT´S A WILD RIDE.

382. GET AWAY.

383. YOU KNOW, ERNIE, I COULD GO FOR SOME MUSIC.

384. I´M FEELING NOSTALGIC. HOW ABOUT A CLASSIC?

385. ALL RIGHT. "IRON MAN" BY BLACK SABBATH?