George Lopez 2x13

Directed by Amanda Bearse

Ismael 'East' Carlo as Uncle Joe • Tonantzin Esparza as Marisol • Alejandro Furth as Carlos • Izzy Diaz as Hector

The Lopez family finds out that Benny's estranged brother, Uncle Joe is dying. George and Angie convince Benny to reconcile with Uncle Joe-but Benny's more interested in getting Joe's Super Bowl tickets. Meanwhile, since Benny never taught George how to cope with death when he was younger, he has difficulty attending the funeral.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. COME ON, BOY. COME THROUGH THE TUBE.

2. COME ON, BOY. I´VE GOT A TREAT.

3. WHAT´S GOING ON, MAX?

4. I´M TRAINING MR. NEEDLES.

5. I WANT TO ENTER HIM IN THE DOG SHOW.

6. DOES MR. NEEDLES HAVE PAPERS?

7. OH, NO, ´CAUSE I DON´T THINK IT´S RIGHT

8. THAT MR. NEEDLES HAS PAPERS AND SOME OF OUR RELATIVES DON´T.

9. HEY, MAX...

10. MAYBE MR. NEEDLES NEEDS TO SEE YOU RUN THE COURSE,

11. YOU KNOW, SO HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO.

12. OKAY.

13. PAY ATTENTION, MR. NEEDLES.

14. I´M ONLY GONNA SHOW YOU THIS ONCE.

15. EW.

16. I KNOW WHERE THAT TONGUE´S BEEN.

17. I´M REALLY SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

18. OF COURSE WE CAN COME DOWN.

19. OKAY, TAKE CARE. BYE.

20. I´VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS.

21. OH, THAT´S GOOD — LOTS OF DRAMA.

22. LISTEN, WHEN YOU SAY IT, GO LIKE THIS,

23. NO.

24. THIS IS SERIOUS.

25. NOW, THAT WAS UNCLE JOE´S GIRLFRIEND.

26. YOUR BROTHER´S DYING, BENNY.

27. OH, MAN.

28. SO?

29. WHAT´S THE BAD NEWS?

30. COME ON, MOM! DON´T BE LIKE THAT!

31. BENNY, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT JOE,

32. BUT HE WANTS YOU TO GO DOWN TO SAN DIEGO TO SAY GOODBYE.

33. I SAID GOODBYE TO HIM 15 YEARS AGO

34. WHEN HE CHEATED ME OUT OF MY MONEY.

35. I DON´T BELIEVE HER!

36. THE MAN IS DYING AND SHE´S NOT GONNA TALK TO HIM

37. BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID GRUDGE OVER A SUPER BOWL BET?

38. THE LOPEZES ARE PROUD PEOPLE,

39. AND WHEN THERE´S PRINCIPLE AT STAKE, WE DON´T COMPROMISE.

40. THAT´S JUST THE LOPEZ WAY.

41. THEY´RE FIGHTING OVER $20.

42. WE´RE PETTY, TOO.

43. THIS IS SO SAD.

44. JOE´S NOT EVEN THAT OLD.

45. HIS GIRLFRIEND DIDN´T SAY WHAT HE HAD,

46. AND I DIDN´T WANT TO ASK.

47. I BET IT WAS THE BUMP.

48. THE BUMP?

49. YEAH, REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU HE VISITED TWO YEARS AGO,

50. HE HAD A HUGE BUMP ON THE SIDE OF HIS NECK?

51. GEORGIE!

52. UNCLE JOE!

53. WHOA!

54. GIMME A HUG.

55. HEY —

56. HEY!

57. WOW, IT´S BEEN A LONG TIME.

58. ANYTHING, UH, NEW GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE, JOE?

59. SAME OLD, SAME OLD.

60. SO NOTHING´S NEW.

61. I GUESS NOTHING´S POPPED UP?

62. NO, BUT I COULD USE A SODA, THOUGH.

63. LONG TRIP FROM SAN DIEGO, YOU KNOW?

64. HOW WAS THE TRAFFIC, JOE? WAS IT BUMP— UH...

65. BUMPER TO BUMPER?

66. A LITTLE BIT, BUT I HAD TO COME UP AND TALK TO YOUR MAMA.

67. I WANT TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.

68. OH, HEY, MAN.

69. WOW, HEARING THAT GIVES ME A LUMP IN MY THROAT.

70. OR A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.

71. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT COMING OUT OF YOUR NECK?

72. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU´RE GROWING A SECOND HEAD!

73. WHO TOLD YOU?

74. THE HEAD TOLD ME!

75. IT WENT LIKE THIS — ORALE.

76. IF YOU DON´T LIKE IT, DON´T LOOK AT IT.

77. JOE, THAT LOOKS SERIOUS. HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE DOCTOR?

78. I´M TREATING IT MYSELF. I DRINK WARM GINGER ALE.

79. WELL, IF IT GETS ANY BIGGER, JOE,

80. YOU CAN USE THE CAR-POOL LANE GOING HOME.

81. JOE?

82. BENNY, I´M READY TO SETTLE OUR BET.

83. I BROUGHT YOU YOUR MONEY.

84. WHERE ARE YOU KEEPING IT, IN YOUR NECK WALLET?

85. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?

86. IT´S FINE. DON´T WORRY ABOUT IT.

87. LOOK, I DIDN´T COME HERE TO FIGHT.

88. I CAME TO MAKE PEACE WITH MY ONLY SISTER.

89. I GOT YOUR MONEY.

90. THAT´S $10. YOU OWE ME $20.

91. I STILL DON´T THINK I OWE YOU ANYTHING,

92. BUT I´M WILLING TO MEET YOU HALFWAY, SO TAKE THE $10.

93. NO, IT´S $20 OR NOTHING.

94. WHY CAN´T YOU JUST CALL IT EVEN SO WE CAN BURY THE HATCHET?

95. SPEAKING OF HATCHET, JOE, YOU MIGHT WANT TO...

96. YOU KNOW, I DON´T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THE $20, OKAY?

97. YOU CHEATED ME.

98. OF COURSE, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

99. TO LET MY BROTHER BE MY BOOKIE.

100. I DID NOT CHEAT YOU.

101. YES, YOU DID.

102. NO, I DIDN´T!

103. OH!

104. LOOK, MOM, WHAT FELL OUT OF JOE´S POCKET.

105. IT´S A 20! SEE? THERE.

106. PROBLEM SOLVED. NOW KISS AND MAKE UP.

107. I´M NOT TAKING IT UNLESS HE GIVES IT TO ME.

108. I´M NOT GIVING IT TO YOU.

109. UH...

110. JOE, THAT´S MY 20.

111. NO, IT ISN´T.

112. COME ON, MAN, IT IS!

113. NO, IT ISN´T.

114. SEE? YOU SEE HOW HE IS, GEORGE?

115. AH, FORGET IT. YOU´RE NEVER GONNA CHANGE.

116. YOU´RE THE SAME NASTY, BITTER WOMAN YOU´VE ALWAYS BEEN,

117. EXCEPT NOW YOU´RE AN INCH SHORTER!

118. WELL, SCREW YOU AND THE BUMP THAT RODE IN ON YOU!

119. WONDER HOW BIG THE BUMP IS NOW.

120. WELL... GINGER ALE IS GOOD FOR TREATING GROWTHS...

121. AS LONG AS YOU TAKE IT WITH CHEMOTHERAPY!

122. LOOK, YOU HAVE GOTTA CONVINCE YOUR MOTHER TO VISIT JOE.

123. SHE NEEDS CLOSURE.

124. IF HE DIES BEFORE SHE GETS A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM,

125. SHE´S GONNA REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

126. ANGIE, MY MOM DOESN´T REGRET ANYTHING.

127. EXCEPT MAYBE NOT GETTING A BIGGER TV DURING THE RIOTS.

128. ALL RIGHT. I´LL TALK TO HER.

129. MOM, ANGIE WANTS ME TO TALK TO YOU.

130. SAVE YOUR BREATH. I´M NOT SEEING JOE.

131. BUT HE´S DYING.

132. I MEAN, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT,

133. TO GET CLOSURE.

134. CLOSURE? YOU KNOW WHAT?

135. I WOULD RATHER GIVE BIRTH TO YOU AS A GROWN MAN

136. THAN SEE THAT SNAKE.

137. HOW CAN YOU TREAT YOUR ONLY BROTHER THIS WAY?

138. HOW?

139. I´LL TELL YOU HOW — YOU DON´T SCREW FAMILY.

140. JOE AND I GREW UP TOGETHER. WE SHARED A ROOM.

141. OH, BUT NOW THAT HE´S GOT MONEY,

142. NOW THAT HE WEARS GOLD CHAINS

143. AND GOES TO THE SUPER BOWL EVERY YEAR,

144. HE CAN´T GIVE UP 20 FREAKIN´ BUCKS TO HIS OWN SISTER!

145. LOOK, YOUR MOM´S GONE AND YOUR DAD´S GONE.

146. HE´S ALL YOU HAVE LEFT! FORGET THE 20!

147. YOU SAID IT YOURSELF — YOU DON´T SCREW FAMILY!

148. I DON´T KNOW.

149. WE´RE A PROUD PEOPLE.

150. SAVE IT FOR SOMEBODY THAT DOESN´T KNOW US.

151. YOU HAVE A BIRTHDAY DINNER EVERY MONTH AT DENNY´S.

152. WE´RE NOT THAT PROUD.

153. WELL...

154. COME ON, MOM!

155. YOU KNOW...

156. HE MIGHT NOT BE USING HIS SUPER BOWL TICKETS THIS YEAR.

157. HE COULD GIVE THEM TO A FORGIVING SISTER.

158. YOU KNOW WHAT?

159. I NEED CLOSURE.

160. IS MY MOM STILL IN WITH JOE?

161. YEAH! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

162. I TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA GET SANDWICHES.

163. THAT WAS HOURS AGO!

164. I HAVE BEEN HIT ON BY FOUR OF YOUR COUSINS,

165. AND ONE OF THEM WAS SO OVERCOME WITH GRIEF,

166. HE COLLAPSED INTO MY LAP AND STAYED THERE.

167. HEY, JIMMY´S HERE! I TAUGHT HIM THAT MOVE.

168. WHERE´S JOE?

169. WE´RE HIS COUSINS FROM ALBUQUERQUE.

170. OH, I´M ANGIE, AND THIS IS HIS NEPHEW GEORGE.

171. JOE´S IN HIS BEDROOM WITH HIS SISTER.

172. OH, CRAP! SHE´S GONNA TAKE THE TICKETS!

173. WHAT TICKETS?

174. JOE´S SUPER BOWL TICKETS.

175. WHY DO YOU THINK WE DROVE ALL THE WAY HERE FROM ALBUQUERQUE?

176. GEORGE, DID YOUR MOM COME DOWN HERE FOR SUPER BOWL TICKETS?

177. TICKETS?

178. I DON´T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT TICKETS.

179. GENTLEMEN, WHAT IS THIS PERTAINING TO?

180. YOU OKAY?

181. THAT WAS TOUGH.

182. HE´S REALLY DYING.

183. I KNOW.

184. WE SAT THERE AND TALKED LIKE WE WERE KIDS AGAIN,

185. AND THEN I REALIZED WHEN JOEY GOES,

186. THERE´LL BE NO ONE LEFT TO REMEMBER MY CHILDHOOD BUT ME.

187. SO YOU GOT CLOSURE?

188. YEAH. OH, AND I GOT THE TICKETS.

189. YOU KNOW WHAT?

190. I DON´T EVEN REALLY CARE ABOUT ´EM NOW.

191. MOM, YOU DON´T HAVE TO DO THIS.

192. YOU DESERVE ´EM. YOU GOT ME DOWN HERE.

193. BENNY, I KNOW THIS WASN´T EASY FOR YOU.

194. WHAT IS IT WITH YOU?

195. ANYTHING TO GET A HUG!

196. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR KIDS.

197. GEORGE, DON´T YOU THINK WE SHOULD GO IN

198. AND SAY GOODBYE TO JOE NOW?

199. I DON´T WANT TO SEE HIM LIKE THIS, ANGIE.

200. I´LL CALL HIM.

201. GEORGE, YOU SHOULD SEE HIM.

202. I DON´T KNOW, ANGIE.

203. WHAT IF I´M IN THERE, AND IT´S DARK,

204. AND DEATH COMES IN AND TAKES THE WRONG MEXICAN?

205. HEY, GEORGE.

206. I HEARD YOU WENT DOWN TO SEE YOUR UNCLE AND HE´S REAL SICK.

207. SO I THOUGHT I´D KEEP YOU COMPANY TODAY...

208. OR TOMORROW... OR SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.

209. YOU HEARD I HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET.

210. YOU DO?

211. HEY, DON´T GIVE IT TO HIM, FOOL. I´M YOUR ASSISTANT.

212. I DO ALL THE CRAP YOU DON´T WANT TO DO.

213. GIVE ME THE TICKET.

214. LET´S SEE WHERE YOU ARE ON THE LIST.

215. OKAY, THERE´S ANGIE, ERNIE, EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET,

216. ALL THE DOGS AND CATS, AND THEN YOU.

217. SO, YEAH, IT COULD HAPPEN.

218. DUDE, YOU´RE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL.

219. THANK YOU, GEORGE!

220. YOU DON´T KNOW HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME!

221. THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!

222. THAT´S... THAT´S SAD, BRO.

223. ANGIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

224. JOE PASSED AWAY.

225. OH, DAMN.

226. IS BENNY AROUND?

227. YEAH.

228. MOM, COULD YOU COME IN HERE, PLEASE?

229. I´M SORRY, MOM. JOE´S GONE.

230. THEY CALLED ABOUT AN HOUR AGO. THE FUNERAL´S THIS SUNDAY.

231. WELL, AT LEAST HE´S NOT SUFFERING ANYMORE.

232. SUPER BOWL SUNDAY?

233. YEAH, I KNOW THAT SUCKS, BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

234. WE´LL ALL DRIVE DOWN TO THE FUNERAL TOGETHER.

235. I CAN´T GO TO THE FUNERAL.

236. YOU HAVE TO!

237. NO, I CAN´T.

238. OKAY, OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS —

239. YOU GO TO THE FUNERAL, YOU SEE JOE, AND THEN YOU CAN LEAVE

240. AND STILL GET TO THE GAME IN TIME FOR KICKOFF.

241. I´M SURE YOUR MOM WILL BE FINE WITH THAT.

242. NO, I DON´T WANT TO GO.

243. WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS?

244. ´CAUSE I DON´T WANT TO GO TO THE FUNERAL.

245. WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?

246. I DON´T WANT TO SEE DEAD PEOPLE,

247. AND I DON´T WANT TO SEE PEOPLE CRYING,

248. AND I DON´T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

249. HEY, I KNOW YOU.

250. YOU GOT ME THIS JOB.

251. THAT´S RIGHT.

252. I SHOULD KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT HERE!

253. I GOT THE KIDS SOME CLOTHES FOR THE FUNERAL ON SUNDAY.

254. YOU WANT ME TO PRESS YOUR BLACK SUIT

255. IN CASE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?

256. NO.

257. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES WHEN I SAY

258. I DON´T WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING,

259. IT MEANS THAT´S WHAT I REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE MOST.

260. YEAH, I HATE THAT ABOUT YOU.

261. COME ON, CARMEN AND MAX ARE BOTH GOING.

262. IT´S GONNA BE HARD TO EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY YOU´RE NOT.

263. WHY ARE YOU TAKING THE KIDS?

264. I DON´T THINK THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT.

265. GO THROUGH ALL WHAT?

266. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SEE THE COFFIN,

267. AND YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR BODY ROTTING AWAY

268. AND YOUR EYES SHRIVELING UP,

269. AND YOUR NAILS ARE STILL GROWING.

270. ANGIE, YOUR NAILS NEVER STOP GROWING!

271. GEORGE, THEY STOP GROWING.

272. IF THEY DIDN´T STOP GROWING, EVERYWHERE YOU WENT,

273. THERE´D BE FINGERNAILS SHOOTING UP OUT OF THE GROUND.

274. YOU DON´T GET IT.

275. WHAT´S HIS PROBLEM?

276. HE WON´T GO TO THE FUNERAL.

277. DAMN.

278. I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.

279. WHAT?

280. OH, HE´S SCARED OF DEATH EVER SINCE HE WAS A KID.

281. HE NEVER TOLD ME THAT. DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?

282. OH, JUST THE KIND OF STUFF

283. THAT REALLY IS OUT OF A PARENT´S CONTROL.

284. LIKE WHAT?

285. LIKE I LIED TO HIM

286. AND TOLD HIM THAT HIS DAD DIED WHEN HE WAS 4.

287. THAT PROBABLY DIDN´T HELP.

288. UH-HUH.

289. AND THEN HE WAS REALLY SCARED,

290. AND HE ASKED ME IF HE WAS EVER GONNA DIE.

291. AND WHAT DID YOU SAY?

292. I SAID, "NO."

293. I SAID, "WHEN YOU GROW UP,

294. "THEY WILL HAVE CURED ALL OF THE DISEASES,

295. AND YOU´RE GONNA LIVE FOREVER."

296. BUT THAT ONE WASN´T MY FAULT. SCIENCE LET ME DOWN.

297. BENNY, YOU MESSED HIM UP!

298. HE NEVER LEARNED HOW TO HANDLE DEATH AS A CHILD,

299. AND NOW HE CAN´T HANDLE IT AS AN ADULT.

300. I KNOW. I´M GONNA TALK TO HIM.

301. IT´S TIME HE WENT TO HIS FIRST FUNERAL.

302. HE NEVER WENT EVEN WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER?

303. WELL, THEY NEVER INVITED US.

304. I WAS ALWAYS HAVING FIGHTS WITH ALL OF THE RELATIVES.

305. YOU KNOW, EVEN MY COUSIN RUDY HAD IT PUT ON HIS TOMBSTONE —

306. "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, BENNY LOPEZ, YOU´RE TOO CLOSE."

307. GEORGE, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.

308. WHAT´S WITH THE DRESS?

309. THIS IS THE DRESS I WANT TO BE BURIED IN.

310. REALLY?

311. THAT´S THE DRESS YOU WANT GOD TO SEE YOU IN

312. THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET?

313. I´M NOT KIDDING.

314. THIS IS MY DEATH DRESS.

315. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WEAR FOR THE SWIMSUIT COMPETITION?

316. LISTEN, GEORGE, YOU HELPED ME GET THROUGH SOMETHING.

317. NOW I´M GONNA HELP YOU.

318. YOU KNOW, THE BEST WAY TO GET RID OF YOUR FEAR OF DEATH

319. IS TAKE CONTROL OF IT!

320. LIKE ME. I GOT EVERYTHING PLANNED.

321. MOM, I DON´T WANT TO DO THIS.

322. COME ON, GEORGE. COME ON, PAY ATTENTION.

323. YOU´RE THE ONLY ONE I TRUST,

324. AND I´M GONNA MAKE SURE THAT YOU´RE IN CHARGE

325. OF ALL OF MY ARRANGEMENTS, OKAY?

326. NUMBER ONE — MAKE SURE I´M DEAD.

327. NUMBER TWO —

328. MAKE SURE I´M DEAD.

329. NUMBER THREE — DO NOT LET THEM PUT ME IN THE GROUND

330. WITHOUT DOING MY EYE MAKEUP, OKAY?

331. AND I WOULD LIKE FOR IT TO BE POWDER BLUE TO MATCH MY GOWN.

332. OH, AND ALSO, YOU KNOW, HAVE THEM ARCH MY EYEBROWS,

333. BUT NOT TOO MUCH SO I DON´T LOOK LIKE I´M SURPRISED,

334. LIKE SOMEBODY GOT ME FROM BEHIND.

335. COME ON, MOM! YOU´RE CREEPING ME OUT!

336. YOU´RE NOT GONNA DIE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME!

337. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

338. THIS IS WHAT IT´S GONNA LOOK LIKE.

339. OH, BUT NOT EXACTLY.

340. I DON´T WANT TO BE BURIED IN A BRA.

341. THESE THINGS HURT AFTER FOUR HOURS.

342. COME ON, MOM, STOP IT. GET UP.

343. NO, NO, I´M JUST SAYING PICTURE THEM MORE TO THE SIDES.

344. OKAY, OKAY! I´LL GO TO JOE´S FUNERAL!

345. JUST GET UP!

346. MOM, I DON´T WANT TO PICTURE YOU DEAD.

347. GOOD.

348. YOU FEEL BETTER?

349. NO, BUT I´LL BE OKAY.

350. SO...

351. I GUESS YOU´RE GONNA BE SAD WHEN I GO, HUH?

352. OF COURSE. YOU´RE MY MOM.

353. BUT THAT´S A LONG, LONG WAY DOWN THE ROAD.

354. OH, YEAH, YEAH.

355. YEAH, I´M SURE YOU´RE RIGHT.

356. UH-OH.

357. WHAT´S THIS RIGHT HERE?

358. I GOT A — I GOT A LITTLE BUMP ON MY NECK.

359. OH, CUT IT OUT, MOM!

360. OH, I´M GONNA DIE.

361. I´M GONNA DIE.

362. KEEP IT UP, MOM!

363. YOU´RE THIS CLOSE TO WEARING BROWN EYE SHADOW

364. AND A HEFTY BAG!

365. UH-OH.

366. WELL...

367. THAT´S IT.

368. COME ON, GEORGE.

369. LET´S GO.

370. I THINK I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO JOE.

371. YOU SURE?

372. YEAH.

373. WELL, YOU KNOW, IT SORT OF REEKS OF DEATH IN HERE.

374. I´M GONNA GO OUT AND HAVE A SMOKE.

375. SO... JOE...

376. NICE RIDE.

377. WELL, I GUESS THIS IS IT.

378. GOODBYE.

379. OH, HELL.

380. WOW.

381. I SEE WHAT MY MOM MEANT ABOUT THE EYEBROWS.

382. JOE, YOU WERE AN ALL-RIGHT UNCLE.

383. THANK YOU FOR MAKING UP WITH MY MOM.

384. HEY, MAN, I KNOW YOU DIDN´T WANT TO MISS THE SUPER BOWL.

385. SO...

386. THERE YOU GO, TIO.

387. YES!

388. GO!

389. OH!

390. I´M NOT READY TO LEAVE HIM YET.

391. COULD YOU GIVE ME A MINUTE?

392. FUMBLE!

393. OH...

394. WHY?

395. HERE, JOE, LET ME FIX THE PICTURE FOR YOU.

396. THERE.

397. OH, YEAH!

398. WHOO!

399. FUMBLE!

400. OH!

401. WHERE´S THE FLAG?

402. OH...

403. NO FLAG!

404. OH...

405. HEY.

406. OH, HEY, THANKS.

407. YOU KNOW, SOME CHIPS WOULD BE NICE.