George Lopez 1x2

Directed by Andy Cadiff

Dagney Kerr as Claudia • Jonathan Jones as Duncan • Paige Segal as Jessica • Kenneth Schmidt as Boy #1 • Sam Saletta as Luke

George worries about Carmen when she brings a boy home for the first time. He persuades Max to spy on them, but despite finding no impropriety, George threatens Duncan, embarrassing Carmen. Later, George replies to instant messages on Carmen's computer, pretending to be her. Although this infuriates both Carmen and Angie when they find out, George then goes to a party and further humiliates Carmen with his overprotectiveness. Finally, Carmen sadly ends the relationship with Duncan, not because of her father, but because Duncan tried to pressure her into having sex too soon. Carmen forgives George, who realizes that she is more responsible than he thought.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I LOVE THIS EXHIBIT.

2. LUNCH LADY OF THE PAST... AND LUNCH LADY OF THE FUTURE.

3. WE´RE DYEING OUR HAIR.

4. YEAH. NOW, MOVE IT, GEORGE!

5. I NEED THE SUN TO COOK THE JUICES,

6. AND YOUR HEAD´S MAKING AN ECLIPSE!

7. I SMELL BARBECUING HAIR. YOU MUST BE DONE.

8. WHAT COLOR ARE YOU DYING YOUR HAIR?

9. WE´RE PUTTING RED STREAKS IN IT.

10. MOM, CAN YOU TALK TO ME BEFORE YOU START PAINTING MY KIDS?

11. REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE 13, AND YOU SHAVED YOUR HEAD?

12. NOW WE´RE EVEN.

13. MOM! THE SCHOOL MADE ME SHAVE MY HEAD!

14. I HAD LICE!

15. YOU DIDN´T HAVE LICE.

16. YOU WERE A THINKER,

17. SO YOU SCRATCHED YOUR HEAD A LOT.

18. HEY, CARMEN.

19. OH, MY GOD, GO AWAY! DON´T LOOK AT ME!

20. WHAT´S UP?

21. I´D SHAKE HIS HAND,

22. BUT I THINK THAT´S WHAT´S HOLDING UP HIS PANTS.

23. PUT YOUR ASS AWAY!

24. GEORGE, THIS IS DUNCAN.

25. SO, EVERYBODY...

26. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

27. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU FELL ASLEEP IN KETCHUP.

28. GEORGE, STOP!

29. CARMEN, IT LOOKS GREAT.

30. THANKS, MOM.

31. WE´RE GONNA GO STUDY.

32. WA-A-A-IT A SECOND...

33. JUST THE TWO OF YOU?

34. DON´T MAKE A BIG DEAL. THEY´RE JUST FRIENDS.

35. THANKS, MOM.

36. OKAY, LET´S GO.

37. SO, UH...

38. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY HAIR?

39. I THINK IT LOOKS GOOD, BABY.

40. OH, STOP!

41. SHE´LL BE PREGNANT IN A WEEK.

42. HOW´S IT GOING, ERNIE?

43. YOU´RE WORKING AGAIN. WHAT TIME THEY FIX THE MACHINE?

44. ERNIE, YOU KNOW YOU CAN´T EAT ON THE SHOP FLOOR.

45. IS THAT LETTUCE ON YOUR CHIN?

46. OPEN YOUR MOUTH!

47. OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

48. ERNIE, DON´T MAKE ME OPEN YOUR MOUTH!

49. IF I CAN DO IT TO A DOG, I CAN DO IT TO YOU.

50. I GOTTA EAT!

51. I´M DEPRESSED. MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME.

52. I HAVE THIS EMPTY SPACE INSIDE THAT ONLY HAM CAN FILL.

53. YOU CAN´T KEEP DOING THIS EVERY TIME YOU GET HURT, DUDE.

54. HAM CAN´T REPLACE THE LOVE OF A WOMAN.

55. ONLY BEER AND GOLF CAN DO THAT.

56. HEY, "BOB´S BIG BOY," YOU EATIN´ AGAIN?

57. LEAVE HIM ALONE, MOM. HE´S GOT WOMAN TROUBLE.

58. HOW CAN HE HAVE WOMAN TROUBLE?

59. HE CAN´T GET ONE.

60. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KICK PEOPLE WHEN THEY´RE DOWN?

61. YOU NEVER HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SAY.

62. YOU´RE RIGHT. WE SHOULD BE CELEBRATING.

63. YOU´RE GONNA BE A GRANDPA.

64. ANGIE AND I DISCUSSED IT. THEY WERE JUST STUDYING.

65. RIGHT — JUST STUDYING.

66. REMEMBER HOW, WHEN YOU WERE 13,

67. YOU WENT IN THE BATHROOM TO STUDY THE SEARS CATALOG?

68. ONE DAY I´M GONNA WALK INTO A SHRINK´S OFFICE

69. WITH A WHEELBARROW FULL OF CASH

70. AND TALK UNTIL HE BEGS ME TO LEAVE.

71. HEY, CLAUDIA.

72. HI, BOSS MAN.

73. I HOPE THIS ISN´T TOO PERSONAL A QUESTION, BUT...

74. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED DATING?

75. UH... I WAS ALMOST 14.

76. SO, IT WAS KIND OF INNOCENT. YOU WERE JUST HANGING OUT?

77. YEAH, UNTIL MY PARENTS WENT TO BED.

78. OOH!

79. THEN WE WENT AT IT LIKE A COUPLE OF BABY MONKEYS.

80. OH, MAN.

81. WHAT? WELL, HOW OLD WERE YOU?

82. 17.

83. SHUT UP!

84. OH, YOU WEREN´T KIDDING. I´M SORRY.

85. NO. MY MOM NEVER LET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.

86. SHE TOLD ME,

87. "YOU´LL NEVER FIND A WOMAN AS WONDERFUL AS YOUR MOTHER."

88. SO I FIGURED, IF THAT´S THE BEST I´M GONNA DO, WHY LOOK?

89. OH, MAN!

90. HEY, DAD.

91. HEY, ERNIE, WHAT´S UP?

92. HE´S LONELY. I CAN´T SHAKE HIM.

93. MY GIRLFRIEND DUMPED ME.

94. THAT´S HER LOSS, ERNIE. YOU´RE A CATCH.

95. IF I HAD ANY SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS, I WOULD SET YOU UP.

96. WHAT ABOUT ELIZABETH?

97. THAT´S NOT GONNA WORK OUT. OKAY.

98. SO, WHERE´S CARMEN?

99. OH, SHE´S UPSTAIRS STUDYING WITH DUNCAN.

100. UPSTAIRS? DUNCAN´S IN HER ROOM?

101. MAX WOULDN´T LEAVE THEM ALONE.

102. CARMEN SAYS THEY´RE STUDYING, AND I TRUST HER.

103. WHAT ABOUT DUNCAN?

104. ANGIE!

105. THAT KID WALKED IN OUR HOUSE WITH HIS PANTS HALF-OFF.

106. IF HE TRIPS, THEY COULD HAVE SEX BY ACCIDENT.

107. YOU KNOW, GEORGE, IT MIGHT BE BETTER

108. IF WE FILLED THAT GIANT HEAD OF YOURS WITH CANDY

109. AND JUST LET THE KIDS TAKE A SWING AT IT.

110. YOU GOT A BIG HEAD!

111. SHUT UP.

112. MAX, REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU GOT IN TROUBLE

113. FOR SPYING ON YOUR SISTER?

114. YEAH. YOU SAID IT WAS WRONG.

115. WELL, SON...

116. I THINK YOU´RE GONNA FIND THE OLDER YOU GET,

117. THE LINE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG IS GONNA MOVE AROUND A LOT.

118. GO SPY, AND TELL ME IF THEY DO ANYTHING WRONG.

119. LIKE WHAT?

120. LIKE SWEARING OR STEALING,

121. OR ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY

122. IN A WAY YOU DON´T UNDERSTAND.

123. MAN, WHAT´S WRONG WITH ME?

124. EVEN 13-YEAR-OLDS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS.

125. WHY CAN´T I KEEP A WOMAN?

126. I KNOW, DUDE.

127. JUST WHEN YOU START TO FALL IN LOVE,

128. YOU RUN OUT OF QUARTERS AND THAT LITTLE WINDOW GOES DOWN.

129. HEY, I´M SERIOUS.

130. IF I COULD GET A GIRL TO HANG ON JUST LONG ENOUGH

131. FOR ME TO DO MY MOVE, SHE´D BE MINE, LIKE, FOREVER.

132. MAN, WHAT´S YOUR MOVE?

133. AH! HEY!

134. HEY, MAN, DOES YOUR MOVE ALWAYS SMELL LIKE CHEE-TOS?

135. UH-OH, THAT WAS QUICK.

136. WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR ME?

137. WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR ME?

138. YOU GET TO EAT MY FOOD AND SLEEP IN MY HOUSE FOR ONE MORE DAY.

139. I COULDN´T SEE ANYTHING — HER BEDROOM DOOR´S CLOSED.

140. OH, MAN, I KNEW IT!

141. WHAT´S GOING ON?

142. WELL, IT´S HARD TO EXPLAIN, MAX.

143. YOU SEE, WHEN BOYS AND GIRLS GET OLDER, THEY START TO PAIR OFF

144. UNTIL THERE´S JUST ONE GUY LEFT.

145. THAT´S ME.

146. ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO!

147. DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

148. JUST MAKING SURE EVERYBODY´S GOT A PAIR OF PANTS

149. AND THEY´RE ON.

150. ALL RIGHT, THIS ROOM´S OKAY.

151. CARMEN, YOUR MOM WANTS YOU DOWNSTAIRS.

152. I DIDN´T HEAR HER CALL ME.

153. WHEN YOU´VE BEEN MARRIED AS LONG AS WE HAVE,

154. THERE´S ALMOST LIKE A TELEPATHY.

155. OKAY. OKAY, ANGIE, OKAY!

156. SHE´S ON HER WAY DOWN.

157. ANGIE, STOP YELLING AT ME!

158. OKAY, BUT IF YOU KILL HIM,

159. YOU´LL GO TO JAIL, AND YOU´LL HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

160. FIRST, YOU WANT TO DO YOURSELF A REALLY BIG FAVOR —

161. GET OFF THE BED.

162. YES, SIR.

163. LOOK...

164. WE WEREN´T EVER ALLOWED IN A ROOM WITH A GIRL.

165. AND I´M GONNA TELL YOU STRAIGHT — I DON´T LIKE IT.

166. AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I´M WATCHING YOU.

167. EVEN WHEN YOU DON´T THINK I´M AROUND,

168. I´M WATCHING YOU.

169. WHEN YOU´RE SLEEPING IN YOUR LITTLE RACE-CAR BED...

170. I´M WATCHING YOU.

171. EVEN IF YOU START TO THINK,

172. "HEY, MAYBE HE´S NOT WATCHING ME"...

173. I´M WATCHING YOU.

174. POP QUIZ — WHAT AM I DOING RIGHT NOW, DUNCAN?

175. WATCHING ME, SIR?

176. THERE YOU GO.

177. THAT WASN´T SO BAD, WAS IT?

178. OFF THE BED!

179. I´M SORRY MY DAD WAS SUCH A JERK YESTERDAY.

180. MAYBE WE SHOULDN´T BE TALKING ABOUT HIM.

181. HE KIND OF SCARES ME.

182. IT´S JUST THE BIG HEAD —

183. IT SCARES A LOT OF PEOPLE, BUT HE´S HARMLESS.

184. HEY, HONEY.

185. HANG ON, THE BIG HEAD JUST FLOATED IN.

186. DOING YOUR HOMEWORK?

187. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

188. WHAT´S WRONG WITH YOU?

189. NOTHING — I LOVE IT WHEN YOU EMBARRASS ME

190. IN FRONT OF MY BOYFRIEND.

191. DO YOU HAVE TO CALL HIM THAT?

192. WELL, THEN, HOW ABOUT IF I CALL HIM MY MAN?

193. WHY DON´T WE CALL HIM CAUCASIAN MALE

194. BECAUSE THAT´S WHAT´S GONNA BE ON THE CORONER´S REPORT.

195. YOU´RE BEING SO UNCOOL.

196. IT´S NOT MY JOB TO BE COOL.

197. I DON´T WANT YOU ALONE WITH DUNCAN.

198. GOT IT?

199. GOT IT.

200. COME ON.

201. NO.

202. COME ON. NO.

203. COME ON. IF YOU HUG ME, I´LL LEAVE.

204. OKAY.

205. THAT´S MY GIRL.

206. YOU SAID YOU´D LEAVE.

207. COME ON, HURRY UP. WE GOTTA GET YOU TO DANCE CLASS.

208. BUT WE HAVE ANOTHER 10 MINUTES.

209. BUT I WANT TO GET OUT BEFORE GRANDMA GETS HERE.

210. GOOD IDEA — GO OUT THE FRONT DOOR.

211. I´M SORRY, BENNY, BUT, UH,

212. USUALLY, THERE´S A COLD CHILL BEFORE YOU APPEAR.

213. CARMEN HAS A BOYFRIEND,

214. AND YOU´RE STILL LETTING HER OUT OF THE HOUSE!

215. MOM, I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.

216. I TALKED TO HER ABOUT DUNCAN, THEN WE HUGGED.

217. YOU HUGGED.

218. OH, THAT´S SO SWEET.

219. I WISH I´D BEEN THERE WITH A CAMERA

220. TO TAKE A PICTURE OF HOW STUPID YOU ARE.

221. WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD?

222. YOU SMOKING WITH THE PATCH ON AGAIN?

223. IF YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE,

224. YOU GOTTA KEEP AN EYE ON HER.

225. HAVE YOU SEARCHED HER ROOM YET?

226. NO.

227. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

228. HEY, HEY, HEY! THERE´S LIMITS.

229. JUST BECAUSE YOU SEARCHED MY ROOM

230. DOESN´T MEAN I´M GONNA SEARCH HERS.

231. YOU DID A LOT OF STUFF THAT WAS OVER THE LINE.

232. LIKE WHAT, "OVER THE LINE"?

233. EVEN AFTER I LEFT THE HOUSE,

234. YOU TRIED TO KEEP ME FROM GIRLS.

235. REMEMBER SYLVIA — YOU THREATENED HER.

236. SYLVIA? SHE WAS A SLUT.

237. I KNOW.

238. WELL, IF YOU´RE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO LOOK THROUGH HER STUFF, I AM.

239. MOM. MOM!

240. IT´S A CONDOM.

241. MOM, THAT´S A WET-NAP.

242. WHAT´S THAT?

243. THAT´S THE COMPUTER.

244. CARMEN´S GOT AN INSTANT MESSAGE.

245. "IS BIG HEAD STILL THERE?"

246. WHO´S "BIG HEAD"?

247. IT´S MOSTLY HAIR!

248. OH, IT´S A MESSAGE FROM DUNCAN.

249. HEY, YOU STILL THERE?

250. DON´T WORRY, BIG HEAD HAS LEFT.

251. I KNEW YOU WERE A LITTLE SCARED YESTERDAY,

252. BUT WASN´T THAT FUN?

253. "WHAT WAS THE MOST FUN FOR YOU?

254. PLEASE BE SPECIFIC."

255. WATCHING YOU DO IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN

256. UNTIL YOU GOT IT RIGHT.

257. OH, MY GOD!

258. HAS ANYONE SEEN MY DANCE BAG?

259. HEY, EXPLAIN THIS, YOUNG LADY!

260. WHAT´S GOING ON?

261. WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH DUNCAN OVER AND OVER AGAIN

262. TILL YOU GOT IT RIGHT?

263. YOU WERE TALKING TO DUNCAN AS ME?

264. I DON´T BELIEVE THIS!

265. ANSWER THE QUESTION! WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

266. WE WERE DOING HALF-PIPES.

267. OH, MY GOD! AND YOU´RE DOING DRUGS, TOO!

268. What?

269. ANGIE, DO YOU KNOW THIS KID DOES HALF-PIPES?

270. A HALF-PIPE IS WHERE YOU RIDE YOUR SKATEBOARD!

271. MOM WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

272. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

273. DAD WAS TALKING TO DUNCAN ON THE COMPUTER,

274. PRETENDING TO BE ME.

275. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

276. I DON´T BELIEVE YOU! YOU´RE THE WORST DAD EVER!

277. HOW CAN I BE THE WORST DAD EVER?

278. THERE´S MACAULAY CULKIN´S DAD, AND...

279. O.J.´S STILL OUT THERE.

280. OH!

281. YOU DON´T HAVE ANY GIRLFRIENDS, DO YOU?

282. NO WAY — I DON´T LIKE GIRLS.

283. GOOD FOR YOU.

284. BUT I LIKE MY TEACHER.

285. MRS. JOHNSON?

286. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT HER?

287. I DON´T KNOW.

288. THERE´S THIS SWEATER —

289. WHEN SHE WEARS IT, IT MAKES EVERYTHING OKAY!

290. GEORGE, CAN YOU COME IN THE KITCHEN, PLEASE?

291. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING — GOING ON THE INTERNET,

292. PRETENDING TO BE A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL?

293. THE FBI HAS A WHOLE DIVISION LOOKING FOR GUYS LIKE YOU!

294. I WAS SNOOPING ON CARMEN BECAUSE I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HER.

295. NO, YOU INVADED HER PRIVACY.

296. YOU CAN´T DO THAT. IT´S WRONG.

297. I REALIZE THAT.

298. I GOT CAUGHT, SO IT´S WRONG.

299. LOOK, I WORRY ABOUT HER, TOO, BUT I TRUST HER JUDGMENT.

300. WE CAN´T BE WITH HER EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY.

301. YES, WE CAN.

302. I SAW THIS CAMERA ON THE INTERNET —

303. IT´S THIS SMALL.

304. LISTEN TO ME — WE ARE RAISING HER RIGHT.

305. AND WHEN THE TIME COMES, SHE´LL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION.

306. NOW, I´M GONNA TAKE MAX TO KARATE,

307. AND WHEN CARMEN GETS BACK FROM THE MOVIES,

308. I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO HER.

309. CARMEN, ARE YOU THERE?

310. YES, I´M HERE. OVER.

311. I´M GLAD I GOT YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT.

312. WELL, HERE´S SOME SUCKY NEWS —

313. I´M GROUNDED, SO I CAN´T GO TO STACY´S PARTY TONIGHT.

314. YES, THAT IS SUCKY. GOOD THING I´M GOING, RIGHT?

315. YEAH.

316. DO YOUR PARENTS STILL THINK YOU´RE GOING TO THE MOVIES?

317. WHAT?

318. OF COURSE THEY DO — THOSE IDIOTS!

319. WILL THERE BE ALCOHOL THERE

320. EVEN THOUGH WE ARE UNDERAGE?

321. STACY´S PARENTS WON´T BE THERE, SO ANYTHING GOES.

322. HEY, COME ON, I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA WATCH A FIGHT.

323. OOH! A CHAT ROOM. ALL RIGHT!

324. HEY, I MET ALYSSA MILANO ON ONE OF THOSE.

325. DID YOU KNOW SHE RUNS A BODY SHOP IN ALBUQUERQUE?

326. I GOTTA GO — MY PARENTS ARE HERE.

327. GOOD LUCK WITH DUNCAN TONIGHT.

328. "GOOD LUCK WITH DUNCAN"?

329. HEY, WHY IS THERE A SMILEY FACE?

330. NO, IT´S A WINKING FACE. SEE, ´CAUSE IT´S WINKING.

331. UH, LIKE, UH, "GOOD LUCK WITH DUNCAN" — EH-EH.

332. MY GOD!

333. COME ON, WE´RE GONNA GO BREAK UP A PARTY.

334. OH, ALL RIGHT — BREAKIN´ UP A PARTY!

335. THIS WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY FOR ALYSSA MILANO.

336. OR MAYBE I SHOULD SAVE IT FOR LUCY LIU.

337. SHE´S IN EL PASO.

338. WHO IS IT?

339. I´M MR. LOPEZ, CARMEN´S DAD.

340. OPEN THE DOOR, OR I´M KNOCKING IT DOWN ON TOP OF YOU.

341. GO AWAY.

342. HEY, I´M JUST KIDDING.

343. I BOUGHT YOU GUYS SOME BEER.

344. ALL RIGHT!

345. SORRY, I LEFT YOUR BEER IN THE FUTURE.

346. OKAY, LISTEN UP!

347. THE PARTY´S OVER!

348. NOBODY GOES ANYWHERE UNTIL THEIR PARENTS PICK THEM UP.

349. THERE´S THE PHONE RIGHT THERE. START CALLING.

350. WHERE THE HELL IS CARMEN LOPEZ?

351. IT´S "CARMEN SANDIEGO," MORON.

352. DO ME A FAVOR —

353. GRAB SOME SCISSORS AND GO RUN AROUND THE YARD.

354. DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

355. WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?

356. NOTHING! WHERE´S DUNCAN?

357. HE LEFT.

358. HE´S LUCKY.

359. DID YOU THINK YOU WERE REALLY GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS?

360. YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, MAX IS GONNA GET PUNISHED

361. ´CAUSE THERE´S SO MUCH LEFT OVER.

362. ERNIE, CAN YOU STICK AROUND TILL ALL THE PARENTS COME?

363. YEAH. THANKS.

364. COME ON, LET´S GO.

365. ALL RIGHT, ERNIE´S IN CHARGE NOW.

366. SO...

367. WHO´S GOT A HOT, SINGLE MOM?

368. I SAID "HOT."

369. THIS ISN´T GONNA WORK, CARMEN.

370. YOU JUST CAN´T RUN UP TO YOUR ROOM AND HIDE...

371. ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU DON´T HAVE A KEY.

372. BEFORE WE GO IN THERE,

373. I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH THIS IS GONNA HURT YOUR MOTHER.

374. SHE TRUSTED YOU.

375. CRY ALL YOU WANT, BUT YOU´RE NEVER GONNA SEE DUNCAN AGAIN.

376. I DON´T CARE ABOUT DUNCAN! HE´S A JERK!

377. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT HAPPENED AT THE PARTY?

378. HE BROKE UP WITH ME.

379. YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

380. IT´S A LITTLE HARD TO BE HAPPY WITH ALL THE CRYING.

381. I DON´T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS.

382. JUST ´CAUSE I´M MAD DOESN´T MEAN YOU CAN´T TALK TO ME.

383. I´M YOUR FATHER.

384. WELL, WE WERE MAKING OUT —

385. OKAY, GIVE ME A SECOND.

386. DAD.

387. I´M HERE — I´M GOOD.

388. THEN, HE TRIED — HE TRIED TO DO SOME OTHER STUFF,

389. BUT I DIDN´T WANT TO GO THAT FAR, AND SO HE DUMPED ME!

390. I TOLD EVERYONE HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND!

391. LOOK WHAT I DID TO MY HAIR FOR HIM!

392. IT LOOKS GOOD.

393. I FEEL SO STUPID.

394. YOU´RE NOT STUPID.

395. I´M PROUD OF YOU, AND YOU´RE MOM´S GONNA BE PROUD OF YOU!

396. YOU DON´T UNDERSTAND!

397. THAT´S ALL HE WANTED!

398. HE NEVER LIKED ME... EVER.

399. NOT THE WAY I LIKED HIM.

400. I´M SORRY, CARMEN.

401. I WISH I COULD SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

402. YOU CAN´T.

403. MAYBE YOU COULD SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

404. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT HOW YOU´RE GONNA RAISE THE KIDS

405. AFTER I´M DEAD SOMETIME LATER THIS WEEK?

406. YOU´RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME.

407. I SWEAR, ANGIE, THIS KID´S GONNA KILL ME.

408. SHE´S 13 YEARS OLD. I CAN´T TAKE THREE MORE YEARS.

409. YOU KNOW WHAT, GEORGE...

410. EVERYTHING´S GONNA BE OKAY.

411. IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?

412. NO. GIVE ME A SECOND.

413. CARMEN REALLY LEARNED A LESSON,

414. AND SHE´LL NEVER LIE TO US AGAIN.

415. NOW YOU´RE TALKING.

416. YOU ARE THE BEST FATHER EVER, IN THE HISTORY OF PARENTHOOD.

417. UH-HUH.

418. OUR LAWN IS THE ENVY OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

419. DAMN STRAIGHT.

420. YOUR MOTHER WILL FALL INTO A DEEP HOLE,

421. WHERE SHE WILL BE VERY HAPPY, BUT SHE WILL NEVER BE ABLE

422. TO CONTACT US.

423. ME — I WANT ONE ABOUT ME.

424. YOU...

425. ARE THE BEST LOVER EVER...

426. IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.

427. MM-HMM.

428. TELL ME ABOUT MY MOM FALLING IN THE HOLE AGAIN.

429. I CAN´T BELIEVE I FELL FOR DUNCAN.

430. HE´S SUCH A JERK.

431. HONEY, WE´VE ALL BEEN THERE.

432. MY FIRST BOYFRIEND LEFT ME FOR MY BEST FRIEND

433. BECAUSE SHE HAD BIGGER BOOBS.

434. IF HE´D ONLY WAITED TWO MONTHS.

435. MY FIRST SWEETHEART KNIFED ME...

436. AND, UH,

437. THEN STOLE MY CAR.

438. BENNY, YOU ALWAYS WIN THESE THINGS.

439. WHY ARE WE BEATING AROUND THE BUSH?

440. ALL MEN ARE SCUM.

441. MM-HMM.

442. HELLO, LADIES.

443. WHAT?

444. I NEVER KNOW WHAT I DID!