1. It was really weird going back there.
It was exactly the same.
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2. - Remember Dougie?
- Doughnut Dougie? Dougie Doughnuts?
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3. - He's had a heart attack. No-one told me.
- Oh, my God. Is he dead?
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4. I think so. Nobody seems to really know.
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5. Ohh. Do you miss it?
Do you wish you still worked there?
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6. Do you know what? Not at all.
I really don't.
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7. I won't have to come up again for ages.
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8. - Probably not for another six months.
- Oh, that's good.
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9. It's like the olden days, this, isn't it?
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10. Me down here, you up there.
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11. - It's only one night.
- I know that.
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12. I just mean it's like it used to be
when we first met.
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13. Yeah. God, all them phone calls.
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14. - And the phone sex.
- That was good, though, wasn't it?
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15. - Yeah.
- What you wearing?
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16. So you going out
with Smithy Iater, then?
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17. I don't know. Maybe.
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18. - It won't be a late one.
- Don't get drunk now, will you?
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19. You've got to drive back
in the morning.
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20. I'll be home by midday.
It's not starting till 3.00, is it?
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21. I know, but you've got to put your suit on
and your shoes and belt and everything.
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22. - How's Nessa feeling?
- She's all right.
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23. We're just having a girly night in
with Bryn.
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24. You know, bleaching and shaving
and general wedding prep.
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25. I just can't believe
she's getting married. Can you?
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26. Less than 24 hours to go now, babe.
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27. Right. That's the base coat.
Let that dry a minute.
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28. Now, are you sure you want them black?
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29. - Yeah. It's stylish.
- Is it, though? I mean...
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30. Oh, Stace. Stop stressing me out.
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31. I think what Stacey means, Ness,
is it's not very bridal.
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32. - Well, I'm not very bridal.
- Oh, yes, you are.
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33. I tell you what. Why don't we paint
the toenails black?
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34. That way you retain
a certain sense of individuality,
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35. a sense of "Ness-ness".
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36. But you keep it hidden away.
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37. No. Stick to the plan, Bryn.
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38. I want "Nessa" painted on my left foot,
"David" on the right.
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39. But you always call him "Dave".
You never call him "David".
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40. I do when he's sucking my toes.
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41. There we are. All done.
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42. - Oh, Mum. That looks Iush.
- That looks Iovely, Gwen.
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43. - What shoes will you wear with it?
- What?
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44. (LAUGHS) Joking, I am.
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45. (CHUCKLES) Oh, right.
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46. Are you sure you don't want to try it on?
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47. No need. If you got the measurements right
it'll be fine.
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48. If not, you'll ruin my day. Simple as.
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49. What?
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50. It's just so nice having you here
without Stacey.
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51. - Pam!
- Mum!
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52. Not like that. I love Stacey.
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53. It's just... Oh, I don't know. I just feel
I've got you back all to myself.
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54. Just for tonight.
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55. There's my Iittle prince,
my handsome king
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56. and me in the middle,
the Duchess of Cornwall.
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57. Oh, yeah. And here comes the court jester.
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58. - What's that?
- Nothing.
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59. Right. I am done.
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60. Romeo Dunn.
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61. I should think so. It's quarter to eight.
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62. - He didn't start till 4.00.
- How come?
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63. SIept in. Didn't wake up till 3.30.
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64. What were you doing last night?
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65. PIaying Rock Band with Rudi. It's amazing.
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66. We're thinking about
forming a proper band - a group.
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67. I've done your dinner, sweetheart.
It's in the oven.
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68. - Cheers. I can get it.
- You sure you don't want any veg?
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69. I had a banana earlier, so I'm all right.
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70. I'm going to get a bath and a face pack,
ready for tomorrow.
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71. Yeah, we'll clear this up.
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72. It's a shame you're not going to be there,
Smithy, at the wedding.
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73. - Is it?
- Well, yeah.
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74. It doesn't feel right somehow.
What are you gonna do with yourself?
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75. I'll pick up Neil, my boy,
and take him to Jungle Jim's.
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76. You know, the kids' play centre thing.
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77. - Bit young for that, isn't he?
- Nah, I checked it out on Monday.
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78. They've got a Iittle preschool bit,
you know - soft toys, Iittle train.
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79. It'll be nice.
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80. What? Have I got a bogey?
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81. No, darling. You're fine.
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82. So it's right, together. Left, together.
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83. Right, together. Left, together.
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84. OK. You have a go.
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85. - No, no, no. Not like that.
- You're going too fast!
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86. You're not doing "together,"
only "right, left".
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87. I don't see the point.
Why am I stopping for?
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88. I never walks like that.
I'm going from A to B, that's all.
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89. Why've I got to look like a dick?
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90. Well, I don't think
you do look like a dick, Ness.
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91. Well, I feels like a dick, Bryn.
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92. - Hola!
- Hiya, love.
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93. Sorry it took so long.
It was packed in Morrisons.
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94. Always is on a Friday, Jase.
A lot of people doing their big shop.
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95. I won't go near the place on a Friday.
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96. Me neither.
Won't give them the satisfaction.
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97. Where do you shop in Spain, Jase?
Do they have supermarkets out there?
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98. Yeah, it's Spain, not the Third World.
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99. Oh, Jase, enough jibber-jabber.
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100. It's meant to be my hen night.
What's the plan?
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101. Well, I'm doing pizzas and garlic bread.
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102. And I've got us a Iittle film.
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103. It's a new thriller
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104. starring two-time
Academy Award-winner Mr Kevin Spacey.
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105. Cracking.
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106. TV: Cooking doesn't
get tougher than this.
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107. - (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Oh, my Christ. Who's that?
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108. - I'll get it.
- I don't know, do I?
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109. - Yes, Rudi Rudester.
- All right, Gav? Is he here?
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110. - Yeah, yeah. Smithy, it's Rudi.
- Invite her in. Come in, Ruth.
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111. No, you're all right, Pam.
I forgot my keys.
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112. I thought Mum was home tonight.
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113. She is, but she's not answering.
I think she's asleep.
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114. I'll give you a Iift in a bit if you want.
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115. No, I'm fine. I've got my heelies.
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116. - Sure you won't stay for a drink?
- No, I'm fine, thanks, Mick.
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117. I would come out to see you, Ruth,
but I'm doing a face pack -
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118. Iavender and jasmine.
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119. - Nice. OK. Well, I'll see you Iater.
- Take it easy, Rudi.
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120. - Oh, my God. You were right.
- What?
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121. - You are Welsh.
- Eh?
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122. Your accent -
you're speaking Welsh.
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123. - What you on about?
- (MIMICS) What you on about?
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124. - Shut up.
- (MIMICS) Shut up. You're a traitor.
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125. You've betrayed your roots.
You'll be playing rugby next.
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126. - (LAUGHS) Told you!
- (LAUGHS) See you Iater.
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127. - Did you get a card?
- What?
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128. - For Nessa.
- Yeah.
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129. - Cool. See you, Gethin.
- (LAUGHS)
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130. - Got a card for Nessa?
- Yeah, why?
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131. Nothing.
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132. I really don't understand
why you've got to have Neil tomorrow.
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133. What?
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134. Yeah. Why doesn't Nessa
want the baby at the wedding?
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135. I dunno. She watched her own mother
get married nine times or something.
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136. - To three different men.
- Oh.
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137. - Ohhh.
- Oh, I see.
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138. TV: Not ready for it to stop yet,
but I'm afraid it's going to have to.
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139. Do you want to go out? Chinese
and Budgie are down at the Stag.
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140. They have a DJ on Friday
and Saturday nights now.
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141. - Nah.
- Oh, come on. Come out.
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142. Get your groove on, yeah?
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143. Ooh. (CLICKS FINGERS) That feels good.
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144. Get on down at the Stag and Hound...
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145. Cos Stacey's away, them mice gonna play.
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146. - What are you doing?
- I don't know. Let's not bother.
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147. So he was Keyser Söze the whole time?
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148. Yeah. And he didn't really have a Iimp
at all.
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149. - He was putting it on.
- That's very clever.
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150. Very clever.
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151. How do they think these things up, Gwen?
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152. - I know. They just do.
- Yeah.
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153. I've seen it three times now.
I still didn't think it was gonna be him.
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154. He's a good bloke, Kev.
I've got a lot of time for him.
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155. - He Ioved you, didn't he, Stace?
- Yeah.
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156. But imagine if I'd married him.
I'd have been Stacey Spacey.
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157. - (ALL CHUCKLE)
- (PHONE RINGS)
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158. On that note, I'm gonna turn in.
Jase, you coming over now?
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159. Yeah, OK.
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160. Hello? Oh, hiya, Dave.
How are you feeling?
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161. Yeah, I'll get her now.
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162. - Ness, it's Dave.
- What's he want?
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163. - He wants to talk to you.
- Ask him what he wants.
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164. What was it you wanted, Dave?
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165. He says he's missing you, sugar tits,
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166. and wants to hear your Iovely voice
before you become his bride tomorrow.
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167. Fair play. Hand him over.
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168. All right, Dave? How's it going?
All right?
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169. All right, Ness. How's it going?
All right?
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170. Oh, Gwen, give us a minute.
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171. Of course, love.
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172. My old man there yet?
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173. Yeah, just having a Iittle
game of cards with him and Noel.
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174. - Cracking.
- Pass the phone a minute.
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175. Hiya, Ness. How's my Iittle girl?
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176. - Who's this?
- It's your dad.
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177. All right, Dad? What's occurring?
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178. I'm good. I just come up.
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179. Been doing a stint on Holby.
Man in a coma.
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180. - Ah. That's an easy one.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
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181. They seemed happy with what I'd done.
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182. I kept it simple, you know?
Just Iay there.
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183. - Nice.
- So, how you feeling about tomorrow?
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184. Terrible. Nervous as shit.
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185. I'd be nervous marrying him.
The man's got blood on his hands.
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186. Listen, I'll hand you back to him.
See you tomorrow, sugar tits.
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187. Here he is.
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188. Only joking, Dave.
I know they never proved nothing.
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189. You all right, babe?
What are you nervous about?
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190. - Oh, this and that. Mainly Gwen.
- Oh, what's she done now?
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191. Well, she's finished the dress, like,
but she won't do a fitting.
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192. Christ knows what I'll look like tomorrow.
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193. You'll look like an angel
whatever you wears.
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194. I'm gonna go now. Bye.
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195. - Whoa! Hang on a minute.
- What?
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196. This time tomorrow you'll be my wife.
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197. I know. I can't wait.
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198. Sweet dreams, Miss Jenkins.
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199. You too, Mr Coach.
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200. Ooh! Sorry. Is that you, Ness?
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201. No, it's me, Mum.
- All right, love? Want a cuppa?
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202. Yeah, OK. I'll be down now.
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203. Oh, giving you gyp, is it, love?
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204. No. It's just a bit stiff in the mornings.
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205. Oh! That's what Trevor used to say.
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206. Don't cheapen yourself, Gwen.
You're better than that, come on.
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207. Sorry, love.
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208. You knocking me up an omelette
for the journey, like?
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209. Of course. I've got some onion,
bit of ham.
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210. - You can have cheese, tomato...
- Oh, Gwen, cut the chatter.
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211. I've got other things on my mind,
like my forthcoming nuptials.
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212. - Sorry, love.
- That's OK.
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213. I'll take the ham. Genuine.
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214. Where've you been? I've been calling.
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215. I'm sorry. I was just in the shower.
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216. - Why haven't you left yet?
- I'm just leaving now.
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217. It's only 8.30.
Mum, have you seen my keys?
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218. - Mum?
- Sorry, darling?
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219. It's all right. I've got them.
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220. Well, don't be long.
I just want to see you, that's all.
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221. I'm on my way.
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222. Ohhh, Ness! It's all so exciting!
Isn't it, Mum?
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223. - What's that, love?
- Good morning, one and all.
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224. - Especially the blushing bride.
- All right, Bryn?
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225. - Hiya. You sleep OK on that sofa?
- Like a Iog.
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226. - Right. We ready, then?
- Madam, your carriage awaits.
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227. Or should I say Picasso?
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228. - (BOTH LAUGH)
- There you are, love.
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229. - Cheers, Gwenno.
- Oh, Ness. It's going to be immense.
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230. - Are you excited?
- I am, yeah.
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231. It feels very emotional.
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232. Come on, Bryn, let's hit the road.
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233. - (TOOTS HORN)
- Hey-hey! (LAUGHS)
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234. All right? All right?
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235. Can't hear you.
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236. - Gavlar! Hey-hey!
- All right?
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237. - You stopping at Leigh Delamere?
- I wasn't going to.
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238. - Where you stopping?
- I don't normally. I go straight through.
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239. What, not even at Chieveley?
You don't stop at Chieveley?
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240. - No.
- Chieveley's the best. It's insane.
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241. - I've never been.
- It's great.
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242. - I took Lucy there for dinner once.
- And you wonder why she left you(!)
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243. (LAUGHS) Come on. Stop at Leigh Delamere.
You'll get to see Neil.
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244. OK. Just for five minutes.
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245. In a bit.
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246. Hey, hot dog!
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247. Bryn burger!
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248. How you doing?
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249. Ohhh! Ho, ho, ho!
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250. And who's this Iittle nugget?
What a treat!
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251. We just passed each other
on the motorway. How are you, Ness?
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252. - Tidy.
- We had a Iovely run down.
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253. - I just stopped at Leigh Delamere.
- Takes her mind off the big day.
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254. I saw Smithy and thought...
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255. I'll be Iiterally five minutes
and then I'm heading off again.
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256. OK.
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257. Love you.
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258. All right?
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259. Yeah.
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260. I've got a couple of changes of clothes
in there for him.
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261. - Yeah?
- And his special blanket.
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262. Oh, you've got your special NuNu blanket!
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263. (LAUGHS) Have you got your NuNu?
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264. He's not been sleeping well
the last few nights,
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265. so you may want to stay with him
till he gets off.
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266. Yeah. Yeah, course.
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267. - What are you gonna do with him?
- Oh, just hang out and stuff.
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268. Me and Rudi will take him to Jungle Jim's.
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269. We're gonna have fun, aren't we?
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270. Come on, then, Iittle fella.
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271. Come have a holiday with your daddy, eh?
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272. We'll be back next week.
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273. And I've put his mobile in there,
Copy !req
274. so get him to give me a ring,
just so I can hear his voice.
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275. Yeah, of course.
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276. We'll be fine, you know.
We'll be fine together.
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277. I know.
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278. Well, all the best for today.
Got good weather for it.
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279. I've got you something, actually,
in the car.
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280. Sorry - Bryn, will you take...
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281. It's not anything big or nothing.
It's just...
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282. Oh. Cheers.
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283. Thanks.
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284. I ain't got one of just me and him,
so, er...
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285. Look, when you get back, we'll work out
some kind of routine, you know?
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286. Bit more of a structure to everything,
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287. now that you and Dave are getting married.
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288. He's not replacing you or nothing,
you know - Dave.
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289. I never thought he was.
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290. No.
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291. There's only one of you, isn't there?
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292. Have a good one.
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293. - Cheers, Bryn.
- Oh! There you go.
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294. - Drive safe.
- Right, Gav, see you there.
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295. Ness, let's get you home
and get you married.
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296. See you.
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297. - You all right, mate?
- Yeah, I'm good.
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298. - I'm gonna get a tea. Do you want...
- No, I can't.
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299. - I really got to get back.
- (PHONE RINGS)
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300. Babe, I'm getting in the car right now.
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301. - Just go. Go on.
- I know.
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302. I really was only five minutes.
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303. Yeah, OK, but I don't see
what the rush is.
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304. We got Ioads of time.
Nessa's only just left.
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305. - OK.
- See you, mate.
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306. - Hiya.
- I gotta talk to you.
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307. Babe...
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308. - What's the matter?
- Sorry, Mum.
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309. - Stacey, what's going on?
- Sit down a minute.
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310. Right.
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311. The thing is, you know
we went to see the...
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312. God! Look, you know how much
we really want...
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313. Oh! (SIGHS) Gav, I can't...
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314. Stace, what's the matter?
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315. - (SIGHS HEAVILY)
- Just tell me.
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316. (SIGHS) God... Something's happened.
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317. - I don't want to tell you, because...
- What?
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318. It's nothing bad. It's...
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319. Oh, my God.
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320. There's 34 of them.
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321. I know it's expensive,
but I wanted to be sure.
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322. - You're not cross, are you?
- Cross? Why would I be cross?
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323. - You know what this means.
- Yeah.
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324. - I'm pregnant!
- My balls work.
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325. - We're going to have a baby!
- My balls work!
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326. - My balls work!
- (LAUGHS)
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327. This is amazing.
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328. - I've got to tell Mum.
- Not yet.
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329. Let's get the wedding
out of the way first.
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330. Stace! Nessa's back.
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331. OK.
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332. I love you so much.
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333. I love you too, baby.
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334. It's just the way it is.
- (PHONE RINGS)
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335. Smithy.
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336. - Oh, Gav, we've got to get ready.
- Yeah.
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337. Come on, then.
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338. Here she is.
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339. Ohh!
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340. Ness, you look absolutely gorgeous.
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341. I know. I feels it.
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342. And you definitely want to wear the boots?
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343. Yeah. They're comfy.
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344. Why suffer?
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345. Jase?
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346. I've never seen anything quite like it.
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347. Gav?
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348. Speechless. Absolutely speechless.
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349. Tidy. Is Dad here yet?
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350. Yeah. He just pulled up.
He's outside with Bryn.
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351. Right. Let's get this show on the road.
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352. Oi! Great place to stop, mate!
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353. Don't know what you're smiling at.
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354. - This is all your fault, this.
- (COOS)
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355. What, and you're travelling in there
as well?
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356. - Yeah!
- And the bridesmaid.
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357. I'm going on the beanbag.
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358. It just don't look too safe to me.
Copy !req
359. It's perfectly safe.
Copy !req
360. Ness, you sure you wouldn't be safer
actually in the car?
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361. No. Bryn, how many times
do you get married in this life?
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362. Twice? Three times?
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363. I wanna do it in style.
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364. Come on, Dad. Help me up.
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365. Oh, Gwen, I want to say something.
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366. Yes, love?
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367. There's a lot of people been asking
if my mother will be there today,
Copy !req
368. at the wedding, like,
and I said, "Yeah, she will, as it goes.
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369. "Cos my mother's called Gwen."
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370. That's you, not Gwen from Budgens.
Copy !req
371. Just wanna say thanks for everything,
Gwen.
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372. I'd have been lost, if truth be told.
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373. Right. Dad, come on. Let's do it.
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374. This is so exciting!
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375. Whoo! Whoo!
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376. How are you? Nice to see you. Cheers.
Copy !req
377. - Hi, Dave.
- Cheers, Dor.
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378. Go on. Help yourself to a seat.
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379. - Hiya.
- Hiya, Dave!
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380. - Look at you!
- Cheers, Pam.
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381. Where's your best man?
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382. Her name's Vanessa and she's on her way.
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383. Oh, that's sweet. See you in there.
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384. - Yeah, see you in a minute.
- Right, Dave.
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385. - Hi, Dave. Congratulations.
- Cheers, John. Nice to see you.
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386. How was that, then, girls?
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387. Freezing. It was a stupid idea.
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388. Right. Hiya, Ness.
You're Iooking, er, very Iovely.
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389. Everyone's in there all set to go.
Dave's Iooking handsome as ever.
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390. So, if we're ready,
I'll give him the nod...
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391. No.
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392. I want one final smoke as a single woman.
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393. Dad?
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394. (CHUCKLES) Go on, then.
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395. - Vic?
- Well, if we've got a few minutes.
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396. Why not?
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397. OK, we're in Wales now,
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398. which is where you Iive.
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399. Just because you Iive here
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400. and your mum's Welsh,
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401. when it comes to football,
you're English, right?
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402. You wanna play for England.
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403. Don't end up like Ryan Giggs.
You'll kick yourself.
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404. All right, Dave?
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405. You look amazing.
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406. Cheers.
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407. We are gathered here today
to witness the marriage between
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408. Vanessa Shanessa Jenkins
and David Lloyd Gooch.
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409. And now Michael Shipman will read
David's favourite poem.
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410. "Stop all the clocks
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411. "Cut off the telephone
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412. "Prevent the dog from barking
with a juicy bone
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413. "Silence the pianos
and with muffled drum
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414. "Bring out the coffin
Let the mourners come."
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415. We all have, as it were, our song...
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416. If anyone knows any just cause
or impediment
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417. why Vanessa and David should not be
joined together in holy matrimony,
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418. ye are to declare it now.
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419. (EXHALES) That's always a hairy moment.
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420. - (DOOR OPENS)
- Am I too late?
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421. No, we're just getting to the important
bit now.
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422. Grab yourself a seat.
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423. Vanessa and David...
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424. No, wait.
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425. - Has it happened - him and her?
Smithy...
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426. - Is it signed? Is it done?
- Mate, what are you doing?
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427. Come on. This is our day now.
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428. Is there something you wanted to say?
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429. Yeah.
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430. No.
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431. I don't know.
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432. I'm a bit confused, to be honest.
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433. I know what you're all thinking -
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434. like this is some big romantic gesture,
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435. like I'm declaring my love for her
or something, but I'm not.
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436. In fact, the weirdest thing is,
if anything,
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437. a lot of the time you repulse me.
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438. No... Honestly, it's not like that.
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439. I know that doesn't offend her.
It doesn't, does it?
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440. Cos I know you feel
exactly the same about me, right?
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441. Yeah. He's right. A lot of the time,
I find him disgusting.
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442. See?
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443. And yet we have these moments.
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444. These weird moments,
these things in common.
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445. And we've got him.
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446. And if you're marrying Dave just so
you've got a father for your son,
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447. someone to help you and support you
and be around,
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448. I'm saying you've already got that.
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449. Me. I can be those things.
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450. I just think if you're marrying him,
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451. you should do it for the right reasons.
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452. You should do it cos you love him.
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453. But I don't think you do.
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454. Well? Do you love him, Vanessa?
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455. Do you love David?
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456. Yeah.
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457. I do.
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458. Really?
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459. Yeah.
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460. OK.
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461. No, you don't.
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462. Oh, heck.
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463. What are you on about?
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464. He's right, Ness.
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465. It breaks my heart to admit it,
but I don't think you do love me.
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466. I think this last year
I've been kidding myself.
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467. Every time I'd tell you I Ioved you,
you'd say, "I know."
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468. And I thought you were saying
you Ioved me too, but you weren't.
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469. You were just saying, "I know."
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470. I know.
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471. No hard feelings, eh, Dave?
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472. It's been a blast, sugar tits.
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473. Gav, what time is it?
Famished, I am.
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474. Me too. Are we getting this takeaway
or what?
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475. Yeah, I'll ring 'em now in a minute.
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476. "Now in a minute"?
How can that possibly make sense?
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477. You're either doing it in a minute
or now. It can't be both.
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478. Yeah - I'm gonna ring the Chinese now
in a minute.
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479. That makes sense, doesn't it?
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480. Oh, Stace, I don't care. I just
want you to order the damn Chinese.
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481. - All right?
- We're deciding on food for tonight.
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482. Yeah. What's occurring?
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483. - Ooh! Welsh person!
- (LAUGHS)
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484. What? Oh, no!
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485. - Forget that even happened.
- You're Welsh.
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486. - Don't make a big thing out of it.
- You are. You're Welsh.
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487. No. Wait. It doesn't make me Welsh
just because I said...
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488. I didn't just say that.
It don't make me Welsh.
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489. - I'm telling you...
- (LAUGHS)
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