1. Babe! Where are you?Copy !req
2. - You just walked off!
- I know.Copy !req
3. There was this woman next to me
in a veil, fiddling with her shoeCopy !req
4. and I thought,
"Oh, my God, terrorist!"Copy !req
5. Oh, right. So you were gonna just
leave me here to get bombed.Copy !req
6. I know. And I do feel bad.
But I WAS gonna text you.Copy !req
7. Oh, well, that's all right, then...Copy !req
8. - Look, where are you?
- By Nothing To Declare.Copy !req
9. Have we got anything to declare?Copy !req
10. I don't think so. Are you sure
you don't want to get Nessa any fags?Copy !req
11. No. She's given up.Copy !req
12. - What? Since when?
- Oh, I dunno.Copy !req
13. Anyway I got her a Greek flag for
her collection, that's what she wanted.Copy !req
14. - Come on, I'm excited!
- Why?Copy !req
15. I just love walking through
and all the people Iooking.Copy !req
16. I pretend like I'm really famous.Copy !req
17. - What you doing?
- Oh, come on, join in!Copy !req
18. Lift it up! They won't see it!Copy !req
19. Why can't you just hold it?
I feel like a right pillock.Copy !req
20. Oh, that's Iovely, that is.Copy !req
21. Your son and his wife have been
away for over three weeks.Copy !req
22. 22 days.Copy !req
23. I am not going over this again,
Michael... Mick!Copy !req
24. Mick! Michael! Will you look at me?Copy !req
25. Everybody's staring at us.Copy !req
26. Yes! And you know why?Copy !req
27. Because they're thinkin',
"Look at that Ianky mardy-arseCopy !req
28. "who can't even be bothered
to hold up a banner,Copy !req
29. "a BEAUTIFUL banner,Copy !req
30. "that his wife spent three hours
preparing last night!"Copy !req
31. It only took three hours
cos you couldn't spell Stacey!Copy !req
32. I KNOW how to spell it.
I just got confused.Copy !req
33. - What?
- Because of the big pen.Copy !req
34. Gav, oh, come here,
my Iittle prince!Copy !req
35. All right, Mum?Copy !req
36. - Hiya, Stacey.
- Hiya!Copy !req
37. Welcome home!Copy !req
38. All right, Dad? Nice banner.Copy !req
39. Oh, do me a flavour.Copy !req
40. - So, good time?
- The best!Copy !req
41. - Yeah, fantastic.
- How was the hotel?Copy !req
42. - Was the hotel nice?
- Yeah, really nice.Copy !req
43. - And was the pool nice?
- Yeah, there were four!Copy !req
44. - And the food, was it nice?
- What about the food?Copy !req
45. It was really nice,
but a lot of fish.Copy !req
46. Really? We had mackerel last night,
didn't we?Copy !req
47. Yeah, we did.
And a tuna sandwich for Iunch.Copy !req
48. Weird! And what about the staff?
Were the staff nice?Copy !req
49. - Yeah, the staff make a hotel.
- They were OK.Copy !req
50. Tell you what, Stacey, when we were
in Corfu, oh, those Iittle shits...Copy !req
51. - Have I told you this already?
- No, go on.Copy !req
52. We asked them to change the bedding
every day,Copy !req
53. which personally
I don't think is a big ask.Copy !req
54. I mean, we're talking
four-star hotel.Copy !req
55. - It was five AA diamonds.
- Yeah.Copy !req
56. Well, one night me and Mick
got into bed and I said to Mick,Copy !req
57. "There is no way
these sheets are fresh,"Copy !req
58. and I've rung down to reception.Copy !req
59. I just didn't believe him,
so I've decided to Iay traps.Copy !req
60. So I've put two wine gums
inside the pillow case, Mick's side,Copy !req
61. come back this one afternoon...
Mick's been snorkelling,Copy !req
62. I've had a hot-stone massage
and I've Iooked at the bedCopy !req
63. and I knew straight away, cos you know
when you know, don't you?Copy !req
64. - Yeah.
- So Mick's reached in,Copy !req
65. and he's pulled out
the very same wine gumsCopy !req
66. that I had placed there
not three hours earlier.Copy !req
67. I hit the roof, didn't I, Mick?Copy !req
68. I'll say!Copy !req
69. So I've got him by the throat,
this Stelios Cycliades,Copy !req
70. and I'm saying, "Look me in the eye
and tell me that those sheets..."Copy !req
71. Hang on a minute, it's Bryn. Hello?Copy !req
72. - Come in, London. Can you hear me?
- Hiya!Copy !req
73. - Whereabouts are you?
- We've just got onto the M25.Copy !req
74. And according to the nav,
we are an hour and ten minutes away.Copy !req
75. - Hello, Mrs Shipman!
- Hiya, Gwen!Copy !req
76. Oh, no, Pam, I meant Stacey.Copy !req
77. - Oh, sorry! I thought you meant me!
- So did I! Hiya, Mum!Copy !req
78. Hiya, Stace! Hiya, Gav!Copy !req
79. Hiya, Gwen. All right, Bryn?Copy !req
80. Welcome home, young man.
Do you have a tan?Copy !req
81. - Are you bronzed?
- A Iittle bit, yeah.Copy !req
82. Oh, I can't wait to see it!Copy !req
83. Hiya, Ness!Copy !req
84. Nessa's not here, love!Copy !req
85. Where is she?
Have you spoken to her? Is she OK?Copy !req
86. Fine, but there wasn't room
for all your stuff in the car.Copy !req
87. In the Picasso. So she's following on.
I'll try her on the radio.Copy !req
88. Nessa? Come in, Nessa,
do you read me?Copy !req
89. 1-9 Rubber Duck. Ho, Bryn...
I'm not gonna tell you again,Copy !req
90. you can't call me "Nessa"
on the airwaves.Copy !req
91. - You gotta use my handle.
- What is that?Copy !req
92. My code name - Robert Mugabe.Copy !req
93. I'm sorry, Robert. I keep forgetting.
What's my name?Copy !req
94. Bryn.Copy !req
95. No, my handle. I know
we're in the car, but we did say...Copy !req
96. - Dame Judi Dench.
- That's it! That's it.Copy !req
97. Dame Judi Dench. Now, I'm on
the line to our London contingentCopy !req
98. and I've given them an ETA of
ten past five. Is that do-able for you?Copy !req
99. Well, I got my foot down, Jude.
I can do no more. 10-4.Copy !req
100. Well, here we are! Home, sweet home!Copy !req
101. Ah, let's take a look at you
in the daylight...Copy !req
102. Oh, you have gone a nice colour...
haven't they, Mick?Copy !req
103. - Yeah, it suits you.
- I am jealous.Copy !req
104. When are you takin' me away?
Sardinia, I fancy.Copy !req
105. Give us a chance.
I'm still paying off the wedding!Copy !req
106. It was a Iovely day, wasn't it, Gav?Copy !req
107. - Yeah.
- It was Iush.Copy !req
108. But your Auntie Christine still
hasn't spoken to your cousin JohnCopy !req
109. after all that business
with the dessert.Copy !req
110. - Really?
- It was just a joke.Copy !req
111. There's a joke, then there's smearing
somebody's face in cakeCopy !req
112. till they nearly choke to death.Copy !req
113. - She didn't choke!
- The woman's diabetic, Gav!Copy !req
114. - She was terrified.
- He did look vicious as he did it.Copy !req
115. He gets like that, John.Copy !req
116. But nothin' else happened
with Smithy or...?Copy !req
117. Oh, he was absolutely...
Wasn't he, Mick?Copy !req
118. Poleaxed. BIotto.Copy !req
119. Him, Dirtbox, and Chinese AIan
fell asleep in the Iift.Copy !req
120. Up and down they was going
for an hour.Copy !req
121. And they all had rooms.
What a waste of money!Copy !req
122. I'm putting the kettle on.
Who's for tea?Copy !req
123. I'll have a coffee, please.Copy !req
124. But he's all right, though,
Smithy, is he?Copy !req
125. You know what he's like.
Always a drama.Copy !req
126. - Why, what's happened?
- Nothing serious.Copy !req
127. - He's been pining for HIM!
- What?Copy !req
128. - But nothing... y'know... big?
- No, I don't think so.Copy !req
129. - Oi! Where d'you think you're going?
- What?Copy !req
130. Come here.Copy !req
131. I mean, it IS weird...
gettin' used to being Stacey Shipman.Copy !req
132. Yeah.Copy !req
133. I remember being very disappointed
the day I lost my maiden name.Copy !req
134. - What was it?
- Griggell-Eschefska.Copy !req
135. Pamela Andrea Griggell-Eschefska.Copy !req
136. Which, you know, always felt
quite glamorous.Copy !req
137. And then in the space of one day,
to go from that to Shipman...Copy !req
138. You know, Ship Man.Copy !req
139. I felt quite flat, if I'm honest with you,
the day after we got married.Copy !req
140. Felt like I'd lost my identity.Copy !req
141. You know, like Anne Frank,
after they found her.Copy !req
142. - I've put your cases in your room.
- Cheers, Dad.Copy !req
143. And sort your washing out ASAP.Copy !req
144. I've got a white wash
ready to go on tonightCopy !req
145. cos your dad's run out of pants.Copy !req
146. You've had to go commando today,
right, Mick?Copy !req
147. - What?
- You've no drawers on.Copy !req
148. Mum!Copy !req
149. She's right. I'm flappin' around
like an elephant's trunk down here.Copy !req
150. - Dad!
- EIephant's trunk? I should be so Iucky!Copy !req
151. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
152. Oh, here they are.Copy !req
153. Hiya.Copy !req
154. - Hello, Gwen!
- Kalimera!Copy !req
155. Ooh, Continental!Copy !req
156. - Hello, Bryn!
- Kalimera!Copy !req
157. Oh, yes.Copy !req
158. That's Greek for good morning.
I Iearnt it!Copy !req
159. - Hiya!
- Oh, Gavin!Copy !req
160. Oh, kalimera!
And look what I've had done!Copy !req
161. "My niece went to Greece and
all I got was this lousy T-shirt"!Copy !req
162. But she DIDN'T get it for you.Copy !req
163. Yeah, we got you a bottle of Cinzano.Copy !req
164. - I know! I got it printed for a joke!
- Where d'you get it done?Copy !req
165. Online! I did it five weeks ago.
For a joke!Copy !req
166. Before the wedding?Copy !req
167. Yes! For a joke!Copy !req
168. That'll be Nessa.Copy !req
169. Hiya, Ness!Copy !req
170. - All right?
- You made good time, then?Copy !req
171. Yeah. The road's been kind to me,
I won't Iie to you.Copy !req
172. She can be a cruel mistress,
the M25, but today I've been Iucky.Copy !req
173. All right, Bryn? Pam? Gav? Mick?Copy !req
174. Gwen? Stace?Copy !req
175. Don't you need a special Iicence
to drive one of them?Copy !req
176. Not for the 7.5 tonne, you don't.Copy !req
177. But I've driven them
bigger than that, Mick.Copy !req
178. I used to drive the sets for The Who
on their world tours. Great days.Copy !req
179. Till I found out things about
Pete Townshend I didn't like.Copy !req
180. And all I'll say is -
and I said it to his face -Copy !req
181. where is the book?Copy !req
182. Right... cup of tea.Copy !req
183. Yeah! Cup of tea!Copy !req
184. - How did the T-shirt go down, Bryn?
- Mixed reviews.Copy !req
185. Yeah, it was March '89 I quit.
That's when I went Stobart's.Copy !req
186. - Eh?
- Eddie Stobart's.Copy !req
187. Really?Copy !req
188. Yeah. I was with Eddie and the boys
for 18 months, all told.Copy !req
189. You had a Iittle soft spot for him,
didn't you?Copy !req
190. I did, Bryn, I'm not gonna Iie to you.
But I wasn't his type... apparently.Copy !req
191. Since when has a great rack and
an open mind not been a man's type?Copy !req
192. Is he still alive, Eddie Stobart?Copy !req
193. I think so. He's a deeply religious man.
Very generous.Copy !req
194. Gave you two trucks, didn't he?Copy !req
195. He did. And I regret selling them now,
Bryn, to be honest,Copy !req
196. but they were a bugger
to park around Barry.Copy !req
197. Everyone all right with Chinese tonight?
We thought we'd get a takeaway.Copy !req
198. - You don't want to be cooking.
- It's just easier, innit?Copy !req
199. We could go out.Copy !req
200. Yeah! Can we go to that Italian?Copy !req
201. - Capriccio's?
- Yeah, let's go to Capriccio's!Copy !req
202. Hey! Smithster!Copy !req
203. Smith?Copy !req
204. - Hello, Smithy, darling.
- Hello, everyone.Copy !req
205. Heh-heh-heh! Hello, Smithy.Copy !req
206. All right, Bryn?Copy !req
207. What's going on?Copy !req
208. What's going on?Copy !req
209. I've been asking myself
the same questionCopy !req
210. over and over again in my head.Copy !req
211. First thing in the morning,
last thing at night.Copy !req
212. - What IS going on, Gavin?
- What?Copy !req
213. I've been ringing you every day for
three weeks. Your phone's been off!Copy !req
214. Is that all?Copy !req
215. - You haven't told him, have you?
- I was on my honeymoon!Copy !req
216. Right. Can we all stop calling it
a honeymoon, right?Copy !req
217. It's just a holiday!Copy !req
218. Yeah, but it wasn't just a holiday.
It was... the best time of my life.Copy !req
219. When I went to Malaga
with Lucy and her nanna,Copy !req
220. I called you every day,
sometimes twice.Copy !req
221. - Sometimes thrice!
- Back off, Mick.Copy !req
222. You were only ringing
for the West Ham scores!Copy !req
223. That was an excuse, you fool!Copy !req
224. I was getting the updates on my mobile.
I was ringing you cos...Copy !req
225. I was ringing you cos I missed you.Copy !req
226. Smithy!Copy !req
227. I missed you these last three weeks
an' all. It's been horrible.Copy !req
228. I ain't been myself,
I've been off my food.Copy !req
229. He's been round here every day.Copy !req
230. No-one's been out. They're all
shacked up with their birds.Copy !req
231. - What about Lucy?
- She's been grounded for two weeks.Copy !req
232. - Why?
- Her dad found ten B&H in her bag.Copy !req
233. Went ape-shit. I'm gonna go. I just
wanted to check you're all right.Copy !req
234. - Smithy!
- He DID miss you, Smithy!Copy !req
235. He did.Copy !req
236. He talked about you every day.Copy !req
237. Give him the present.Copy !req
238. What, now?Copy !req
239. Yes.Copy !req
240. It's the one we read about.Copy !req
241. In Nuts magazine.Copy !req
242. Yeah.Copy !req
243. Well, thank God for that.Copy !req
244. Look, we're going out to dinner.
You coming?Copy !req
245. - Capriccio's?
Yeah!Copy !req
246. Course I'm coming!Copy !req
247. - It's Iovely to see you, Bepe.
- Always a pleasure.Copy !req
248. And congratulations
to the new couple, eh?Copy !req
249. - Dawn? Mum, it's Dawn!
- Ohhh!Copy !req
250. - Hi, Dawny!
- Hello, you two!Copy !req
251. Fancy seein' you here!Copy !req
252. Hi.Copy !req
253. Hello!Copy !req
254. You remember Bryn, don't you?Copy !req
255. Stacey's uncle from the wedding?Copy !req
256. Yes.Copy !req
257. Lovely! Look, they're back!Copy !req
258. Came back this afternoon,
didn't you?Copy !req
259. Did you have a nice time?Copy !req
260. Oh, it was fantastic.Copy !req
261. Yeah, and thanks for those vouchers.
Really kind.Copy !req
262. Not a problem.Copy !req
263. - This is Seth.
- Hello.Copy !req
264. - He works at the butchers.
- He's a colleague of mine from work.Copy !req
265. I never knew you were a butcher, Pete.Copy !req
266. Yes. Yes, I am.Copy !req
267. Don't let us hold you up.Copy !req
268. Right! Well, enjoy your meal.
We'd better...Copy !req
269. Yeah.Copy !req
270. And no olives. Thanks, Bepe.Copy !req
271. Ooh.Copy !req
272. Now. This is a tough one.Copy !req
273. I'm in a bit of a pickle here.Copy !req
274. You might have to come back to me.Copy !req
275. No, no! I've got it!Copy !req
276. It's a toss-up between the gnocchi,Copy !req
277. the carbonara,Copy !req
278. the pollo tagliatelle...Copy !req
279. or the risotto.Copy !req
280. I'll come back to you.Copy !req
281. I'm having the gnocchi.
There it is, Pam. It's the gnocchi.Copy !req
282. Apologies for the wait,
these things take time. Hey, Gwen!Copy !req
283. I've gone with the gnocchi!Copy !req
284. Mick, I'm having a wonderful time.Copy !req
285. - And for you?
- Si. Buona sera.Copy !req
286. - Buona sera.
- Voglio ordinare bruschetta per tutti.Copy !req
287. E qualcosa da bere?Copy !req
288. Eh... due bottiglie di vino rosso,Copy !req
289. due di vino bianco
e acqua minerale per me.Copy !req
290. E per pranzo?Copy !req
291. Prendo... I'osso bucco alla milanese
con verdure e patate.Copy !req
292. - Certo.
- Tidy.Copy !req
293. Signor Smithy?Copy !req
294. Um... just a Caesar salad, thanks.Copy !req
295. No dressing.Copy !req
296. I'm joking. I'm having a steak!Copy !req
297. Medium.Copy !req
298. So, in the second week,
Gavin organised this boat trip.Copy !req
299. This company pick you up,
and they give you a hamperCopy !req
300. and take you to this island,
this deserted island.Copy !req
301. Yeah, there's nobody there. Just us.
It's like being on Lost.Copy !req
302. We went skinny-dipping
completely in the nuddy.Copy !req
303. - Didn't we?
- Yeah.Copy !req
304. And in the last week
we went paragliding.Copy !req
305. - I'm going to the toilet.
- I've always wanted to do that!Copy !req
306. We did it, didn't we? In Santorini.Copy !req
307. Oh, yeah. Gwen, it is horrible.Copy !req
308. What is it? I want to know!
Para what?Copy !req
309. - I'll be back in a minute.
- Paragliding.Copy !req
310. You're sat in the sea, then this boat,
a speed boat which you're attached to,Copy !req
311. slowly moves off and gathers speed
and you move up with it.Copy !req
312. Good God! Into the sky?Copy !req
313. - All right, Stace?
- What's occurring?Copy !req
314. - What you on about?
- You know what I'm on about.Copy !req
315. Smithy.
You haven't told him, have you?Copy !req
316. - No.
- Why?Copy !req
317. I thought about it
and I decided not to.Copy !req
318. Look, I barely knows the kid.
And what I do know, I don't like.Copy !req
319. You said you were going to tell him
that night, at the wedding.Copy !req
320. I nearly did.Copy !req
321. But I took one look
at his disgusting face...Copy !req
322. - He's not, he's cute in his own way!
- He's vile. And he's English.Copy !req
323. - Well, now you're just being racist.
- It's not racism, it's xenophobia.Copy !req
324. Stop being so childish.
These aren't reasons, they're excuses.Copy !req
325. Look, I don't want to tell himCopy !req
326. cos then I'd have to admit it was
really happening. And I can't.Copy !req
327. But it IS happening.Copy !req
328. And whether you like it or not,Copy !req
329. Smithy's sat out there
eating bruschetta,Copy !req
330. totally unaware that you're pregnant
with his child.Copy !req
331. What?Copy !req
332. So. Now, let me get this straight.Copy !req
333. I'm attached to a boat...Copy !req
334. but... I'm in the air...Copy !req
335. flying...Copy !req
336. holding on to a parachute?Copy !req
337. - Yeah, that's it.
- It's quite safe!Copy !req
338. Well, stone me, Mick,
I've heard it all now!Copy !req
339. That's nothing. First time
we went away, to Magaluf,Copy !req
340. Budgie... You remember Budgie?
He was at the wedding?Copy !req
341. The ears? He ain't been
out of Essex before,Copy !req
342. he's barely been out of Billericay.Copy !req
343. We get there, and there's
this cliff hanging over the sea.Copy !req
344. What was it, like, 500 feet up?Copy !req
345. It was about 80 feet.Copy !req
346. We've just got off the coach,
and fully clothed, Budgie justCopy !req
347. runs off the cliff
and jumps in the sea.Copy !req
348. Comes up to the surface.Copy !req
349. - Spittin' water everywhere.
- He looks up and shouts...Copy !req
350. "Someone's spilt some salt
in here!"Copy !req
351. - He'd never been in the sea before!
- Gnocchi?Copy !req
352. - Gnocchi? Who's for the gnocchi?
- You are!Copy !req
353. Of course! Sorry, yes!Copy !req
354. I thought I'd gone risotto!
I am the gnocchi!Copy !req
355. - That's Gwen's. I'll go and get them.
- That looks good, Bryn.Copy !req
356. Oh, Ness, it might not feel like it now,
but this might be the making of you.Copy !req
357. Cheers, Gwen. Genuine.Copy !req
358. Come on, you lot,
your food's getting...Copy !req
359. Everything OK?Copy !req
360. - You'd better come in.
- What's happened?Copy !req
361. - Shall I tell her?
- Tell me what?Copy !req
362. Dawn!Copy !req
363. What's the matter, Dawny?Copy !req
364. Dawn!Copy !req
365. Oh, stop it!Copy !req
366. Dawn! Dawn, stop it!Copy !req
367. Seth's gone.Copy !req
368. Who's Seth?Copy !req
369. The fella. We met on the internet.Copy !req
370. Our counsellor said we could inject
some passion into our relationshipCopy !req
371. if we introduced a third party
to the bedroom.Copy !req
372. Fair play.Copy !req
373. So we've been e-mailing
each other for weeks.Copy !req
374. All Ieading up to tonight.Copy !req
375. It was all going so well, Pam.Copy !req
376. But as soon as we start discussing
the whys and the wherefores, y'know...Copy !req
377. - Boundaries.
- Code words.Copy !req
378. As soon as we start talking
about that, he says...Copy !req
379. He says...Copy !req
380. he's very sorryCopy !req
381. but our photo is not representative
of the two of us as a couple.Copy !req
382. He feels he's been misled.
He can't go through with it.Copy !req
383. I mean, the shame of it, Pam!Copy !req
384. Yes, it was an old photo.Copy !req
385. But have I changed that much
in 15 years?Copy !req
386. No, Dawny! You're beautiful.Copy !req
387. Thank you, Pam.Copy !req
388. What are you lot doing in here anyway?Copy !req
389. Nessa's pregnant.Copy !req
390. What?Copy !req
391. And Smithy's the father.Copy !req
392. Oh, my Christ!Copy !req
393. Right, I'm gonna start. This is
ridiculous. Bryn, pass the pepper.Copy !req
394. Cor, that's a big one.Copy !req
395. I can barely get my hand around it.Copy !req
396. Should have seen this one in Greece,
in this restaurant.Copy !req
397. - Oh, will you please give it a rest?
- What?Copy !req
398. Is that gonna be it now?
"In Greece" this, "in Greece" that?Copy !req
399. I only got back today.Copy !req
400. - It's like I don't know him any more.
- Eh?Copy !req
401. You're paragliding, eating hampers,
you're not even having beer -Copy !req
402. you're drinking wine for some reason.Copy !req
403. - Well, beer is quite fattening.
- Says who - your wife?Copy !req
404. Oh, come on, mate. I'm back now.Copy !req
405. Did you think of me once
when you were away?Copy !req
406. - Course I did.
- When?Copy !req
407. - What d'you mean?
- When did you think of me?Copy !req
408. Tennis.Copy !req
409. We were gonna play tennis,
but Stacey's rubbish, so we didn't.Copy !req
410. But I thought, "If Smithy was here now,
we'd have a great game."Copy !req
411. We would, an' all.Copy !req
412. D'you wanna play tomorrow?Copy !req
413. - Can't. I'm picking up wedding photos.
- For God's sake!Copy !req
414. I'm gonna find out where
they've got to. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
415. You all right, Pete?Copy !req
416. Michael Shipman!Copy !req
417. Mick Shipman!Copy !req
418. What's it like to be you?Copy !req
419. Where's Dawny?Copy !req
420. I mean, you've got the looks,
you've got the wife, you've got the girth.Copy !req
421. What?Copy !req
422. Would you say
I was a good-Iooking bloke?Copy !req
423. Do you think I'm attractive?Copy !req
424. Well, right now
you've got black teeth.Copy !req
425. Have I really?Copy !req
426. Mick! Mick!Copy !req
427. Pete is absolutely battered!Copy !req
428. - Never mind that! Just get in here.
- What?Copy !req
429. What's going on?
We're sat out there...Copy !req
430. Dawn? Are you all right?Copy !req
431. - Seth's gone.
- Who's Seth?Copy !req
432. The big black fella.Copy !req
433. They met him on the internet.Copy !req
434. They were gonna have a threesome,
but he took one look at them and bolted.Copy !req
435. - BIimey!
- And Nessa's pregnant.Copy !req
436. What?Copy !req
437. And Smithy's the father.Copy !req
438. Shit a brick!Copy !req
439. - Does he know?
- No.Copy !req
440. Where's Pete? Mick,
is he all right? Have you seen him?Copy !req
441. Well... Yeah, I saw him just now.Copy !req
442. He's sat there, drinking.
And Iaughing.Copy !req
443. Oh.Copy !req
444. Will you go and get him for me, please?
I need my Pete.Copy !req
445. - Go on.
- All right.Copy !req
446. You're very Iucky, you two.Copy !req
447. I've never had what you'd call
a BEST friend.Copy !req
448. I've had acquaintances, many.
But never anyone...Copy !req
449. you know, "best". And I suppose
that's because I always had Trevor,Copy !req
450. God rest his soul.
But of course, he was my brother.Copy !req
451. So that didn't really count.Copy !req
452. And I've always been very close
with Nessa...Copy !req
453. But that's as far as it goes.
I'll be back in a minute.Copy !req
454. - You all right, Dad?
- Yeah. Give us a hand, will you?Copy !req
455. I said we should've got a new photo
done - been honest, warts an' all.Copy !req
456. But what do I know?Copy !req
457. Where we going?Copy !req
458. - Ladies' toilets.
- What?Copy !req
459. So... are you gonna keep it?Copy !req
460. - Yeah.
- Are you?Copy !req
461. Yeah. I am, as it goes.Copy !req
462. I thought about it long and hard,
no word of a Iie,Copy !req
463. but then I watched Vera Drake,Copy !req
464. twice, and I thought,
no, I can't be doing with all that.Copy !req
465. - In that case, you have to tell him.
- She's right.Copy !req
466. - But I don't want him involved.
- That's not up to you, my love.Copy !req
467. There's two of you in this.Copy !req
468. Oh, my Pete! Are you all right?Copy !req
469. - Seth's gone.
- I know.Copy !req
470. - Who's Seth?
- The black fella.Copy !req
471. They met on the internet.
They were gonna have a three-wayCopy !req
472. but he didn't want to.
He changed his mind.Copy !req
473. - And Nessa's pregnant.
- What?Copy !req
474. And Smithy's the father.Copy !req
475. I'll be your best mate.Copy !req
476. Will you?Copy !req
477. Well, I sure as shit ain't got one
any more, have I?Copy !req
478. Come on, Smithy...Copy !req
479. You're a young man. You've got
your whole life ahead of you.Copy !req
480. You don't want to be tied down
to an old fogey like me.Copy !req
481. You're not old, Bryn.Copy !req
482. Are you? How old are you?Copy !req
483. That, young man,
is a gentleman's prerogative. Anyway,Copy !req
484. it's not how old you are,
it is how you are old.Copy !req
485. You are so funny, Bryn.
You know that?Copy !req
486. You crack me up every time!Copy !req
487. Not like him,
the useless sack of shit.Copy !req
488. Hey, now, come on.
You're crossing the line there, son.Copy !req
489. He's in love.Copy !req
490. And there's nothing
you can do about it.Copy !req
491. I love you, Bryn-Ia, I do.Copy !req
492. Let's meet up.Copy !req
493. Every weekend. In Swindon.Copy !req
494. - Just me and you.
- Really?Copy !req
495. - Yes!
- All right, you're on!Copy !req
496. Do you want some of Gwen's Iasagne?Copy !req
497. - Bring it on!
- All right, let's do it! Come on!Copy !req
498. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
You've got to tell him tonight.Copy !req
499. - You've got to tell him now.
- I know.Copy !req
500. - How long have you known about this?
- About three weeks.Copy !req
501. You've known for three weeks
and didn't tell me?Copy !req
502. - I tried!
- Not that hard.Copy !req
503. Don't argue, my loves,
it's not worth it.Copy !req
504. I love you, Dawny.Copy !req
505. You know when we were away and
I said I had something to tell you?Copy !req
506. Yeah.Copy !req
507. I told you Nessa was in
the original line-up of All Saints,Copy !req
508. but left cos she didn't
get on with Shaznay?Copy !req
509. - I was trying to tell you then.
- So you made all that up?Copy !req
510. - No.
- That was true.Copy !req
511. It was a power struggle.Copy !req
512. Look, none of this matters,
who told you when, and what have you.Copy !req
513. What matters is, the only person
who HASN'T been toldCopy !req
514. is the person that SHOULD'VE been,
and he's sat out there.Copy !req
515. Who, Bryn?Copy !req
516. No.Copy !req
517. Smithy.Copy !req
518. I'll come to Wales,
you can come up here.Copy !req
519. I'll go to church with you.Copy !req
520. We'll just hang out.
You know, like best mates do.Copy !req
521. Do you think Mick will mind
if I finish his last slice of pizza?Copy !req
522. So what if he does? I'll back you up.Copy !req
523. Cos that's what best mates do.Copy !req
524. Oh, Smithy.Copy !req
525. - I got something to tell you.
- What?Copy !req
526. I'm pregnant.Copy !req