1. Tea. I got some bacon on, d'you want
a sandwich or will you have your fag first?Copy !req
2. Oh, I'll take the sandwich. Tidy.Copy !req
3. - So how you feelin, all right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
4. Excited, I am.
I can't wait to be honest.Copy !req
5. Are you going through with it then? No
more rows on the doorstep or nothin'?Copy !req
6. - Mum! Tell him!
- What?Copy !req
7. Jason, stop winding her up, you know
we're not to talk about the row.Copy !req
8. It was a little blip.Copy !req
9. Didn't sound like a blip to me.Copy !req
10. Hola Jose, como estas?Copy !req
11. I hope people aren't gonna
go on about it, Mum.Copy !req
12. We made up and that's all that matters.Copy !req
13. I know I've been engaged a lot but this
is my first actual wedding day, isn't it?Copy !req
14. I remember my first wedding day.Copy !req
15. I woke up in Vegas.
Didn't know where I was.Copy !req
16. Looked round, I was in bed with
two of Gladys Knight's Pips.Copy !req
17. - Where was your husband?
- I don't know.Copy !req
18. I still don't know to this day, that
annulment cost me a fortune.Copy !req
19. - Morning.
- Good mornin'.Copy !req
20. Aw, Mum, these are so lush,Copy !req
21. look at the little bridesmaids ones!Copy !req
22. You don't have to do anything
to them, they've been treated.Copy !req
23. Well, I'll just put them
upstairs out the way.Copy !req
24. Right, I'm gonna jump in the shower.Copy !req
25. Yeah, come on, Ness,
I've gotta put my veil on.Copy !req
26. - Yeah, me too.
- You're not wearing a veil.Copy !req
27. What?Copy !req
28. - What you doin'?
- Ey, ey, ey, ey!Copy !req
29. This ain't for you. You're not seeing
any of this till the speech.Copy !req
30. Yeah look, about the speech,
it's not too long, is it?Copy !req
31. If it's half as good as I know it is,
it won't be long enough,Copy !req
32. they'll be calling for more.
I did it for Gary and Simon.Copy !req
33. Absolutely rinsed themselves.
I'm gonna bang this in the car.Copy !req
34. Mate, it's gonna be all right, innit?Copy !req
35. - What?
- She's gonna turn up, isn't she,Copy !req
36. - after the row and that?
- Come on, get sat down. What's this?Copy !req
37. Pre-match nerves, eh?Copy !req
38. Silly sausage.Copy !req
39. Now look, no-one wants this
marriage to fail more than I do.Copy !req
40. But I look at you, I look at her,
you're like two peas in a bag.Copy !req
41. Stop your nonsense, all right?Copy !req
42. Here, I know what'll cheer you up.Copy !req
43. - Pamelar! Good moaning.
- What's all this?Copy !req
44. Just a bag full of comedy gold.
I'll be back in a minute, mate.Copy !req
45. You look lovely, Mum.Copy !req
46. House of Fraser.Copy !req
47. Hat cost more than the suit.Copy !req
48. Come here, sweetheart, let me do that.Copy !req
49. It only seems like yesterday I was
putting your school tie straight!Copy !req
50. Thanks, Mum.Copy !req
51. I'll be getting through these today...Copy !req
52. Oh, Gwen.Copy !req
53. - You got my sling?
- Yeah. It's all in here.Copy !req
54. You're looking lovely, Ness, very nice.Copy !req
55. Don't start, Bryn. You had your
chance, you never took it.Copy !req
56. Come on, we gotta get going.Copy !req
57. See you down there.Copy !req
58. - You ready?
- Yeah.Copy !req
59. Give us a drag of that.Copy !req
60. You're fine.Copy !req
61. Yeah, yeah. Er, this is Smithy.
Smithy, this is Jase, Stacey's brother.Copy !req
62. - And this is his partner, Jose.
- Hello, how are you?Copy !req
63. - Right, have a good one!
- Cheers, cheers.Copy !req
64. If I was gay, I think
I'd like to be like him.Copy !req
65. Yeah, me too.Copy !req
66. You?Copy !req
67. - Well, you'd have to lose a bit of weight.
- Why?Copy !req
68. Well, fat gays are like outcasts.Copy !req
69. No, they're not!Copy !req
70. Dale Winton, Graham Norton, George
Michael, who's not in their gang?Copy !req
71. - Russell Grant.
- Russell Grant's not gay!Copy !req
72. He is fat though.Copy !req
73. Don't do it, Gav!Copy !req
74. You'll regret it for the rest
of your life! Look at me!Copy !req
75. He regrets it! I bloody regret it!Copy !req
76. See what I have to put up with?Copy !req
77. It ain't worth it. Stay single.Copy !req
78. Do you know what, Pete? If it's so
bad, why don't you just leave?Copy !req
79. I had me bag packed three
weeks ago If you rememberCopy !req
80. but it wasn't me on the doorstep shouting,
'Come back, come back, what about the kids!'Copy !req
81. We'll have our work cut out
with them two today!Copy !req
82. Now, there's something I gotta give you.Copy !req
83. But I won't give it to you
if you don't want it.Copy !req
84. What? What is it?Copy !req
85. It's from your father it is.Copy !req
86. Now what it is, he wrote it
three weeks before he diedCopy !req
87. with strict instructions to give it
to you on your wedding day.Copy !req
88. I can't.Copy !req
89. Do you want me to read it to you?Copy !req
90. 'Dear Stacey.Copy !req
91. You want me to do it in your father's
voice? With the lisp and everything?Copy !req
92. Right. OK.Copy !req
93. 'Dear Stacey, if you are reading this
it must be your wedding day,Copy !req
94. 'but if it is not and Bryn
has just left it lying around,Copy !req
95. then tell him 'he's a waste of spaceCopy !req
96. and could never be trusted
to do anything properly.Copy !req
97. 'When I think back to the day you were born,Copy !req
98. 'I was the happiest man on the planet.Copy !req
99. 'I won't lie to you, Stace, and I'm not
ashamed to say it but I cried.Copy !req
100. 'Buckets.Copy !req
101. 'And I never imagined in a million yearsCopy !req
102. 'that I wouldn't be with you
on your wedding day,Copy !req
103. 'walking you down the aisleCopy !req
104. 'and giving you away.Copy !req
105. 'I tell you what, whoever he is,Copy !req
106. he's the luckiest man alive!Copy !req
107. 'I'm so sorry I'm not there
for you today, Stace,Copy !req
108. 'not in body anyway,
but I'll be there in spirit.Copy !req
109. 'And please remember,Copy !req
110. 'that whenever you need me,Copy !req
111. 'I'll be listening...Copy !req
112. '... cos you'll never stop being
my beautiful baby girl.Copy !req
113. 'Have a wonderful day, my darling.Copy !req
114. 'I love you always. Dad.'Copy !req
115. - You all right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
116. - You're absolutely sure about
this because... - Yeah.Copy !req
117. - Oh, my God! 'Mrs Shipman'!
- I know! I am!Copy !req
118. - Let's have a look at the ring.
- Fucking hell, Stace, that is immense!Copy !req
119. Well done.
My beautiful 'daughter-in-law'!Copy !req
120. Congratulations. Tidy.Copy !req
121. - Come here.
- Oh.Copy !req
122. You just got married.
That is disgusting.Copy !req
123. - Are we all right to follow you, Mick?
- Yeah, yeah... hang on a minute. Smithy!Copy !req
124. - Michael!
- You got those maps?Copy !req
125. - Shit! - Are you kiddin me?
- You pube!Copy !req
126. They're at Lucy's. She was colouring
them in. I can't believe this!Copy !req
127. - What's the matter?
- He's forgotten the maps!Copy !req
128. How will we get there?
We're supposed to sit down at three!Copy !req
129. Right, right! Not a problem.Copy !req
130. Two words, sat nav.Copy !req
131. - Everybody, follow me!
- Fantastic.Copy !req
132. That's the spirit Bryn.
Come on, baby!Copy !req
133. That is cracking.Copy !req
134. The thing is, Griff, I feel a fool.Copy !req
135. I bought that sat nav in good faith.
But it plainly doesn't work.Copy !req
136. That journey should be ten minutes,
it took us well over an hour.Copy !req
137. Those hors d'oeuvres were
supposed to be hot.Copy !req
138. Where did you get it, the sat nav?Copy !req
139. - Dic Powell. - Ah, well, you've only
got yourself to blame.Copy !req
140. - I know, I know, he's tricky.
- Smile!Copy !req
141. He gets away with it because
of the language barrier.Copy !req
142. OK, friends of the groom.Copy !req
143. Friends of the groom!
Friends of the groom, guys.Copy !req
144. And hold it!Copy !req
145. That is cracking.Copy !req
146. OK, now we just need one of the best
man and the maid of honour.Copy !req
147. All right, leave it out.Copy !req
148. Come on, you two,
get a bit closer together.Copy !req
149. - Put your arm round her, Smithy.
- No, you're all right.Copy !req
150. Bear with me.Copy !req
151. - How's it going?
- OK, I'm glad you brought it up.Copy !req
152. I've got a girlfriend and a lot of people
here know it. So I'd appreciate if..Copy !req
153. - Where to's she now then?
- What?Copy !req
154. - Where to's she now?
- Right.Copy !req
155. Either speak English or learn Welsh.
Cos I 'Where to's she'...Copy !req
156. - D'you mean where is she now?
- Yeah. - Say that, then.Copy !req
157. - Where is she now? - Sixth formers
netball tournament in Southend.Copy !req
158. She's wing attack.Copy !req
159. All right, guys, here we go.Copy !req
160. Big smiles.Copy !req
161. Cracking.Copy !req
162. Now, don't go drinking
too much tonight, Stace.Copy !req
163. There's nothing worse than
a pissed-up bride at her own wedding.Copy !req
164. - What's that supposed to mean?
- You know what I mean.Copy !req
165. I was not that drunk, was I, Pammy?Copy !req
166. Well, no, but you'd had a few.Copy !req
167. Any wonder, knowing I was gonna spend
the rest of my life married to that!Copy !req
168. I could've brought the waiter
in to consummate the marriage.Copy !req
169. She wouldn't have known!Copy !req
170. You've been a right nasty
bastard today, Pete, you know?Copy !req
171. Mr and Mrs Shipman.Copy !req
172. I mean, that's bad luck
by anyone's standards.Copy !req
173. What now?Copy !req
174. Well, she lives for the day she can
change her name from West,Copy !req
175. what with all the connotations and what
have you, and what does she become?Copy !req
176. A Shipman.Copy !req
177. Oh, that's very unfortunate.Copy !req
178. - I don't know which is worse.
- Surely Shipman!Copy !req
179. Well, it's six of one, and half
a dozen of the other.Copy !req
180. It was more than half a dozen, Griff!
It was in the hundreds!Copy !req
181. Hiya, I'm Louise.Copy !req
182. Craig. People call me Fingers.Copy !req
183. - What should I call you?
- Call me what you like.Copy !req
184. Oh, be quiet, will ya?Copy !req
185. Oh, shut up, don't drink too much.Copy !req
186. I'm feeling bad enough as it is, now you...Copy !req
187. Shut up!Copy !req
188. Where's your boyfriend today, then?Copy !req
189. - I wouldn't let him come.
- Why not?Copy !req
190. He refused to go to the church service.Copy !req
191. I said, 'You can't just turn up at the reception
without seeing the actual wedding.'Copy !req
192. And d'you know what he said?Copy !req
193. He said, 'The only church you'll
ever get me inside is Charlotte.'Copy !req
194. It is out of order, though, innit?Copy !req
195. Unforgivable.Copy !req
196. Drink your drink.Copy !req
197. - Pam, I'm gonna have to go.
- What?Copy !req
198. It's Pete.Copy !req
199. He has been eyein' up
every girl in this room.Copy !req
200. And young girls. I mean really
young, really, really young.Copy !req
201. Oh, come on! He's only human.Copy !req
202. I catch my Mick doin' that all the time.Copy !req
203. - We're all animals, Dawn.
- I know.Copy !req
204. But I just feel like I'm not enough
for him any more, Pam.Copy !req
205. I mean, sex-wise,
we're at an all-time low.Copy !req
206. We were in a car park
in Basildon last week,Copy !req
207. flashing the headlights,
no-one come over.Copy !req
208. I just wanna be involved.Copy !req
209. I feel like he'sCopy !req
210. looking at these girls, he's not thinking
'menage,' he's thinking 'hello.'Copy !req
211. Can I suggest something?Copy !req
212. Have you thought about role-play?Copy !req
213. Cos when my Trevor was alive,
it did us wonders.Copy !req
214. Saved our marriage, if truth be told.Copy !req
215. Oh, tell me about it.
I mean... I'm lucky, I am.Copy !req
216. My Mick, he's open to anything.
I mean, really mucky stuff.Copy !req
217. Even when we do Charles and
Camilla, he's first on with the ears.Copy !req
218. Can I have your attention, please,
ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
219. All right, calm down, we'll get
to my speech in a minute.Copy !req
220. First you got to listen
to these borin' bastards!Copy !req
221. I'm only dickin' around.Copy !req
222. Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for my best mate,Copy !req
223. who lost his virginity between two
wheelie bins at my mum's house in 1993.Copy !req
224. Mr Gavin Shipman!Copy !req
225. Thanks, Smith, for that
glowing character reference.Copy !req
226. - Well, I'll keep this short.
- Like your knob!Copy !req
227. Sorry.Copy !req
228. If someone had told me three months ago that
I'd be standing here today a married man,Copy !req
229. I'd have thought they were mad.Copy !req
230. Or really, really drunk.Copy !req
231. But nine weeks ago, I met
Stacey for the first timeCopy !req
232. and it's changed everything.Copy !req
233. Cos I remember people saying to me,Copy !req
234. 'You'll know when you meet the one.'Copy !req
235. And I'd always think 'how?'Copy !req
236. And I just didn't believe them.Copy !req
237. But the minute I met you,
Stacey, I did know.Copy !req
238. And I suddenly understood
what they were on about.Copy !req
239. And it's something I can't even put
into words, how I feel right now.Copy !req
240. All I can say is you're
beautiful and you're funnyCopy !req
241. and you're kindCopy !req
242. and there's just something in me that
tells me I'm going to be with youCopy !req
243. and look after you... forever.Copy !req
244. Cos I love you, baby.Copy !req
245. And that's just the way it is.Copy !req
246. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
247. please raise a glass to my beautiful wife.Copy !req
248. Stacey.Copy !req
249. Stacey!Copy !req
250. Now, I'll hand you over to
my best friend and best man,Copy !req
251. Smithy, who has apparently
prepared a blinder of a speech...Copy !req
252. Smithy.Copy !req
253. Right. Sorry.Copy !req
254. First of all, I'd like to raise a toast...Copy !req
255. I'll never forget...Copy !req
256. I'll never forget when me
and Gav was at the footballCopy !req
257. and we was eating these hot dogs...Copy !req
258. Smithy, it's all right, darling.
Smithy, come on.Copy !req
259. Gavin and Stacey, ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
260. Gavin and Stacey!Copy !req
261. - How's he doing, all right?
- He's all right. He's stopped crying.Copy !req
262. - He feels a bit of a prick, to be honest.
- It's such a shame.Copy !req
263. Cos that meal was gorgeous,
and the starter...Copy !req
264. - Beautiful.
- Yeah!Copy !req
265. And I've got to be honest, I wasn't
expecting it to be so good.Copy !req
266. But that woman, the widow,
what's her name?Copy !req
267. - Gwen. - I mean, she's obviously
spent a fortune.Copy !req
268. - And you can't fault that.
- Well, actually...Copy !req
269. - What?
- No...Copy !req
270. - Go on...
- No.Copy !req
271. Pam?Copy !req
272. Well, we paid for everything.Copy !req
273. - I said that!
- Everything except for the dress.Copy !req
274. Oh, here we go. Why didn't you
just announce it?Copy !req
275. It's only when she's getting
all the credit.Copy !req
276. - Everyone all right? - Hey.
- Hiya. - Hi.Copy !req
277. Testing. One, two.
One, two. Testing.Copy !req
278. - Ever seen one of these?
- What?Copy !req
279. No film in there. Digital.Copy !req
280. You're gonna turn my little sister
into an Essex girl, are you, Gav?Copy !req
281. Well, hopefully not, but yeah,
we're gonna live at mum and dad'sCopy !req
282. for a bit, save some money,
then try and get a place.Copy !req
283. I never thought I'd see the day
when you moved out of Barry.Copy !req
284. Oh, it's not gonna be that bad, we'll
be coming home every weekend.Copy !req
285. What?Copy !req
286. No, maybe like once a month or something.Copy !req
287. Well, I'm coming back every weekend.Copy !req
288. There he is! Best man.Copy !req
289. Don't start, mate. I messed up,
all right? Let's move on.Copy !req
290. - I'm having a nightmare.
- What?Copy !req
291. Getting people to sign this wedding book.Copy !req
292. It's like an albatross round my neck.Copy !req
293. When people were eating it
was fine, but now they're upCopy !req
294. and about, there's no cohesion.Copy !req
295. - Griff's signed it three times.
- I've signed it twice.Copy !req
296. I've got night mode,Copy !req
297. black and white,Copy !req
298. use that later, probably, for effect.Copy !req
299. Uh, sepia, sepia, sepia?
I don't know how you say it.Copy !req
300. I've got a feeling it's faulty.Copy !req
301. Just makes everything go brown.Copy !req
302. Ladies and gentlemen,
please gather round.Copy !req
303. The bride and groom are now
going to take their first dance.Copy !req
304. Uncle Bryn?Copy !req
305. You all right?Copy !req
306. Yes, thank you.Copy !req
307. - Oh, great day, isn't it?
- Best day of my life.Copy !req
308. Look...Copy !req
309. - Can we talk about what happened?
- I'd rather not. - On the fishing trip...Copy !req
310. I never told anyone, y'know.Copy !req
311. And besides, it wasn't a big deal,Copy !req
312. Lots of people do it.
It's not against the law.Copy !req
313. Jason, please.Copy !req
314. How can I ever forget that
look on your face?Copy !req
315. You gotta let it go, Uncle Bryn!Copy !req
316. You are a great man.Copy !req
317. You are. And you're a fantastic uncle.Copy !req
318. And you did us all proud today.Copy !req
319. Thank you very much.Copy !req
320. - You coming in?
- In a bit.Copy !req
321. Right, we got a special treat for
you now, ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
322. from the mother of the groom.
So big hand for... Pat!Copy !req
323. It's Pam, actually.Copy !req
324. All right, chill out, love.Copy !req
325. It's Pam.Copy !req
326. Go on, Pammy!Copy !req
327. Hi.Copy !req
328. I'm Captain Mark...Copy !req
329. Overmars.Copy !req
330. I've just flown in on the red-eye.
I got an eight-hour turnaround,Copy !req
331. I'm here for one night and one night only.Copy !req
332. Ooh... God.Copy !req
333. It must be...Copy !req
334. very...Copy !req
335. hard up there?Copy !req
336. All that... you know,Copy !req
337. pressure...Copy !req
338. You must really need to... unwind.Copy !req
339. So, shall we go somewhereCopy !req
340. - and have it off?
- No!Copy !req
341. Pete,Copy !req
342. he wouldn't say that.Copy !req
343. He'd woo me, you idiot.
He'd at least buy me a fucking drink.Copy !req
344. I'm trying my best! Dawn!Copy !req
345. - Nessa?
- What?Copy !req
346. - How comes you're not smoking?
- Oh, I just put one out.Copy !req
347. No, you never. I haven't seen
you smoking all day.Copy !req
348. And there's no Bacardi in there.
What's going on?Copy !req
349. Leave it, Stace.Copy !req
350. - Nessa!
- I said leave it.Copy !req
351. That was fabulous.Copy !req
352. Yep.Copy !req
353. Whoa!Copy !req
354. High five.Copy !req
355. Ness!Copy !req
356. You're pregnant, aren't you?Copy !req
357. - But you told me you wasn't.
- I know.Copy !req
358. You said you went to the doctor
and he said it was all clear.Copy !req
359. - Why didn't you tell me?
- Cos I didn't want to spoil your day.Copy !req
360. Oh, come 'ere...Copy !req
361. - What you gonna do?
- I dunno.Copy !req
362. - You've got to tell Smithy.
- I can't.Copy !req
363. - You've got to! - He's a twat.
- I know,Copy !req
364. but he's the father of your child.Copy !req
365. I just can't believe it, Stace.Copy !req
366. Of all the people I've slept with,
it's him gets me pregnant.Copy !req
367. Not Nigel Havers, not john Prescott,
not any of Goldie Lookin' Chain.Copy !req
368. No, some knob-head from Essex.Copy !req
369. You've still gotta tell him.Copy !req
370. Nessa?Copy !req
371. All right.Copy !req
372. Promise?Copy !req
373. Promise you'll tell him tonight?Copy !req
374. Cos you don't know
when you'll see him next.Copy !req
375. All right.Copy !req
376. Come on.Copy !req
377. We're missing the Grease Medley.Copy !req
378. - You ready, babe? Car's here.
- OK.Copy !req
379. I'll always be here for you, y'know?Copy !req
380. Cheers, Stace.Copy !req
381. Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin
and Tracey are about to leave,Copy !req
382. so let's give 'em a good Welsh send off.Copy !req
383. - We did it then.
- I know.Copy !req
384. It's brilliant.Copy !req
385. Come here, Mrs Shipman.Copy !req
386. - Smithy?
- Yeah?Copy !req
387. What?Copy !req
388. Don't matter.Copy !req