Game Changer 7x11

1. Oh wow. Okay.

2. Wait, did they totally rebuild it?

3. They're just gonna do B roll type stuff right now.

4. They're gonna cut this into like a video.

5. - Montage? Cool, cool, cool.

6. Get ready for a Change Gamer!

7. Tonight's guest, the CEO of - No!

8. - Sadism. The host of humiliation.

9. It's Sam Reich! - No!

10. - And your host for today

11. me.

12. I've been here planning this in secret for months,

13. if not years!

14. This is Change Gamer, the only Game Changer

15. where Sam Reich is in mortal danger.

16. I'm your captain,

17. Brennan Lee Mulligan. - What?

18. - I'm your captain, Brennan Lee Mulligan.

19. - The suit is the shirt!

20. The suit is the shirt!

21. - I'm your captain, Brennan Lee Mulligan.

22. and I'm joined today by this singular contestant.

23. Now Sam, you understand how the game works.

24. I hate-

25. The taste of my own medicine.

26. - Now, that's right.

27. Our player has no idea what game it is

28. he's about to play.

29. - The only way to survive is by playing.

30. The only way to win is by trying your best!

31. - That's consistent with Brennan's brand, not mine.

32. Bad job hosting my show!

33. - And the the only way to proceed is by proceeding.

34. So without further ado, guards!

35. No, no!

36. - Seize him! - No!

37. - What? - Let's go.

38. - Is happening? - Let's go.

39. - This way. - Am I being kidnapped?

40. Yes!

41. - The hour of the Change Gamer is upon us, Sam Reich!

42. See you at the Labyrinth of the Minotaur!

43. You're gonna get the horns, buddy.

44. Kaylin, you too?

45. - Yes, Sam.

46. - Buckle your seatbelt.

47. You deserve this. - Yes.

48. - After everything you've done.

49. - Yes. - This is justice?

50. - You made us popular and famous

51. and you're gonna get yours for it.

52. We're going someplace where there's a Minotaur

53. and if you don't solve all the puzzles,

54. you're gonna live there forever, dick.

55. - As in "the Minotaur's escaped

56. and you're gonna get the horns, buddy?"

57. - Oh, do you mean what's on our crest?

58. You're gonna get the horns, buddy.

59. This is like comeuppance

60. that I've been earning since season two.

61. - It's funny you mention that, Sam,

62. because actually I think this video

63. might explain a little more about what's going on here.

64. Sam Reich,

65. for years he's fed comedians face first

66. into the content machine.

67. Get ready!

68. For a Game Changer.

69. Oh, that's right.

70. Our players have no idea what game it is

71. they're about to play.

72. Sam says don't flinch.

73. Fuck you, dude!

74. Honestly, take the point.

75. - I hate this. - Shut the fuck up!

76. - You're making it worse.

77. In seven seasons,

78. Sam has spared no one,

79. least of all.

80. Brennan, that looks like

81. an additional point for you.

82. Bravo.

83. - Care to elaborate

84. on why that's an additional point for me?

85. You smug motherfucker.

86. Now the time has come for retribution.

87. - There is no corner of my heart

88. I would not turn over to the world for five points.

89. Do you wanna go?

90. - Sam?

91. - This is a test.

92. We're gonna pretend to not look.

93. - That's right, yeah. - But we are gonna look.

94. - I can't seem to reach it.

95. - Zero. Really? - I can't seem to reach it.

96. Oh!

97. Alright.

98. - They say never go to a second location.

99. Your Gods can't save you.

100. It's a freaking castle.

101. This is insane!

102. - It's time for you to go.

103. I am immediately scared.

104. Oh my God!

105. - Cross the lonely bridge, Sam!

106. - This is terrifying.

107. Do you know how the game works?

108. - Of course not. - That's the idea.

109. - This is terrifying.

110. Is that it?

111. I have no further instruction?

112. Camera people?

113. - Hi, Sam. - Oh, Jesus Christ.

114. Is that?

115. Hi, Katie!

116. Oh my God.

117. You scared the shit out of me!

118. Is that very comfortable?

119. - No. - Oh, okay.

120. A rubber duck and a key.

121. A wishbone and a key.

122. Oh, more keys.

123. Toilet water from Grant.

124. Fried chicken and waffles and a key.

125. Fruit Loops and a key.

126. Katie, you're walking eerily slow.

127. I think I'm in some version of an escape room.

128. We have a lock on the mouth.

129. - What you have is a fiendish puzzle, Sam Reich.

130. - Jesus Christ, Brennan!

131. You've gone full Jigsaw.

132. I left all the clues where you could find them,

133. Mr. Policeman.

134. Is that Saw or a different movie?

135. I don't remember.

136. - I think I'll just lay back and enjoy this matinee.

137. - Well, well, well, Sam.

138. What a fun couple years we've had,

139. so many amazing episodes of Game Changer

140. devised to specifically single out

141. and torment your friends,

142. collaborators,

143. your employees!

144. Oh, what a little tangled web we've weaved.

145. Games you cannot win.

146. Games in which you can only win

147. by not trying your best.

148. Games that are competitions

149. in which you are punished for competing.

150. But I've got something in mind just for you, Sam.

151. Something more fiendish

152. and twisted than you could ever have imagined.

153. A castle of completely

154. normal,

155. difficult,

156. straightforward challenges!

157. All you have to do is try.

158. - With all the options at your disposal, Brennan,

159. you came up with something merit-based?

160. Merit-based!

161. Try your hardest, Sam.

162. For once, trying will be

163. the secret to winning.

164. - Wanna take a look over here?

165. Ring for fairies?

166. Well, it's Chekhov's Gun

167. where there's sign that says ring for fairies,

168. you have to ring for fairies.

169. Mm-hmm.

170. - We're so glad we found you.

171. Oh my goodness.

172. We were looking everywhere for you.

173. This evil, evil Minotaur

174. with his stupid, stupid puzzle

175. has been scattered all throughout the castle.

176. It's horrible.

177. - You can solve them with honor,

178. but if the challenges ever get too hard,

179. you can hit one of these buzzes at any time

180. and do an alternate challenge instead.

181. However, it will cost you.

182. Your dignity.

183. Use it wisely.

184. Goodbye! Good luck! - Wow, Nico and Ash.

185. So I can choose an alternate puzzle

186. if these puzzles prove too tricky?

187. - And it will bring you shame.

188. - Okay, so some sort of tape recorder.

189. It doesn't seem to have a key connected to it.

190. Maybe it's where this all begins?

191. Yeah.

192. Next stop, Palm Springs.

193. Next.

194. Yeah, next stop, Palm-

195. - Next up, Palm Springs.

196. That's the official cast recording,

197. which I did with Zach and Justin Zeke.

198. - Next stop.

199. Palm Springs!

200. - This is obviously from Nom Nom Nom.

201. What key goes with the mouth?

202. Oh, well, Katie's cocaine factored into that same episode.

203. Does the duck like the cocaine?

204. - Hmm. - Yes, it does!

205. That's not the one. Okay.

206. Well Chomsky's is from so many different episodes,

207. - I feel like. - That's right.

208. - Wine and breadsticks. This is the Bachelor.

209. They're delicious. - Are they?

210. - Hot sauce, oh, that was the Erika Challenge

211. from Name A Number.

212. Down the hatch.

213. Wait a second. Tuna?

214. Oh, tuna!

215. Just a little bit of tuna fish.

216. - Mountport's famous train conductor dropped dead

217. from eating too much tuna fish.

218. - Just a little bit will do ya.

219. - A little bit will do ya.

220. Oh, that fits.

221. - That fricking fits! - Mm!

222. This one's for you Zach and Jess, and Zeke.

223. Still one of the best episodes we've ever done.

224. P-P-P-P-P-P-P.

225. Okay, this episode is a sponsored episode,

226. which I did with Rehka and Grant,

227. you would know them as the two guards,

228. as well as Trapp.

229. - If I wanted to write a simple email on this keyboard.

230. - Yes. - Something that said,

231. "Hi, did you get the memo?"

232. What would that look like?

233. - So now I have to find something from that episode.

234. Oh P-board! It's right here.

235. But so what?

236. Oh, wait a minute.

237. Do they want me to write these Ps?

238. Oh my God, this is so clever!

239. This is such good game design.

240. - Stop complimenting me and be terrified!

241. You are in danger.

242. You will never leave this castle.

243. - Well, at this point, why would I want to?

244. You know what I mean?

245. - No, don't enjoy it.

246. That ruins it for me!

247. This is revenge. - Okay, which P is it?

248. This one?

249. Ask!

250. Ask!

251. That one.

252. You feel a certain amount of pressure

253. when there are people holding heavy cameras

254. to like hurry up and solve the puzzle.

255. - This outfit is extremely heavy.

256. - The silence is also, you know what I mean? Like when you-

257. - Would you say you're feeling singled out?

258. - Okay, ask the armors.

259. - Almost like someone puts you in a game with your friends

260. and then made it so you couldn't win?

261. - Yeah, yeah.

262. And then your friends were in on it?

263. - Ask the armor's riddle.

264. Ask for the armor's riddle.

265. Knight Katie, may I please have your riddle?

266. - Only because you asked so politely.

267. On the wings of wax,

268. a goose can't save ya.

269. First, the gift from your friends in Arabia.

270. - Gift from friends in Arabia,

271. according to Brennan's monologue

272. is the goose egg or the fat zero.

273. So I'm guessing the answer is zero.

274. - No silver medal here for choosing.

275. Second, the place that counts as losing.

276. Two. Zero, two.

277. - Votes against you threaten survival.

278. Last is the count from your very first tribal.

279. - The count from the tribal in which,

280. Katie, you were voted off.

281. - Knight Katie wasn't a part of that.

282. But yes,

283. Katie was voted off. - Katie.

284. - Yes.

285. - And Katie might have feelings about that.

286. - Right, Katie might.

287. Knight Katie is very neutral. - Very neutral.

288. - Doesn't really care that much. Pretty chill.

289. - So there was one vote against you,

290. but seven players, meaning six of them

291. voted for me.

292. - Yet another time Sam Reich

293. has thwarted the will of the people.

294. - And so this code

295. is zero,

296. two, six? - Hmm.

297. - So now I just gotta find somewhere to-

298. - Where could you put that?

299. - Where could I put that?

300. - Also, I just wanna remind you,

301. you can press that button at any time and be shamed.

302. - Yeah, that's...

303. Not gonna happen. - Hmm.

304. - Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

305. Was this?

306. No, this requires a key.

307. Combination lock. Combination lock.

308. We call this in the world of escape rooms and escape design,

309. a search failure

310. when there's an obvious next step to the puzzle,

311. but you just don't know where it is.

312. Oh, oh, oh, oh!

313. Okay, zero is the goose egg, the gift from our friends.

314. Two is the second place

315. and six is the amount of votes hurled against me.

316. - What's this? - What is it, Sam?

317. - Oh, no. - Go ahead.

318. Oh, no.

319. - Tell me. - Oh no.

320. What do you think it might be?

321. Oh no.

322. What on earth would you be trying to spell?

323. - That's a great question.

324. Passed by a- - Absolute fucking maniac.

325. - Us trapped in our very own green room.

326. Now whenever we go to work,

327. we have to wonder if we're gonna be fucked with!

328. That lives with you now.

329. - Oh!

330. Katie, look.

331. There's letters!

332. Sam, how cool is that?

333. I'm having a great time.

334. - You stop having fun right this second!

335. - This fucking rules. - No!

336. - Oh, hiding the letters in the portraiture though.

337. Great work, team.

338. I mean, Nico. - Incredible, right?

339. - Hot damn.

340. Oh, wait a minute. But that doesn't even fit.

341. This is actually harder than, wait a sec.

342. - O, U! - He's gone mad.

343. - Okay, it doesn't click that way, which means it clicks.

344. That doesn't look like a thing.

345. "Are", that's gotta be it.

346. Now we're cooking with gas, Knight Katie.

347. That could be Y?

348. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

349. W maybe?

350. No, no, no, no, no, no.

351. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

352. Oh. This rules.

353. That's gotta be it.

354. Is that an F?

355. Wow. You're so close.

356. - So close.

357. And finally.

358. Sam, where are you from?

359. You motherfucker!

360. - Now Sam, where are you from?

361. Sam, where are you from?

362. - Now, Sam.

363. Where are you from?

364. - First of all, where are you from?

365. - Where are you from? - Where are you from?

366. - Sam, where are you from? - How dare-

367. - Where is Sam from?

368. - People walk up to me on the street,

369. they think I haven't heard it before.

370. I put on a big smile. - Hmm.

371. - As if it doesn't bother me at all.

372. - Yeah. - I say, "How dare you?"

373. And I laugh and I laugh,

374. Katie and I laugh.

375. - Answer the question.

376. - I'm from Cambridge, Massachusetts.

377. - Hmm.

378. Ah, my friends!

379. - That would have been bad for everybody.

380. - Yeah, that was really fun.

381. - That is true.

382. - I won?

383. - I won!

384. - And now, Sam.

385. - We have a gift for you. - A gift?

386. - Oh, God!

387. - Oh, I'm gonna get emotional.

388. - You can sing. - You can sing the song.

389. - Good luck, Sam. - Good luck, Sam.

390. - I'll save you. - Get us outta here, man.

391. - Get us outta here, Sam.

392. Absolutely.

393. We can all use an early wrap.

394. That'll be the best gift of all.

395. All right, I'll do it. - Goodbye, Sam.

396. - Goodbye. - Goodbye, Sam.

397. - Knight Katie. - I'm stuck in this room.

398. - No, but you've been so instrumental to my progress so far.

399. What am I gonna do without your wisdom?

400. - I don't know. I'm pretty smart.

401. Goodbye! - Goodbye, now.

402. - Well, well, well, Sam.

403. It seems you've bested the first of my puzzles.

404. Congratulations on escaping the Entrance Hall.

405. The next puzzle will be sure to defeat you!

406. It is next to impossible.

407. While still being fair.

408. Enjoy your journey, Sam,

409. into the Minotaur's castle.

410. One puzzle down.

411. But trust me, you're still gonna get the horns.

412. - Theoretically solvable puzzles are so much worse

413. because if I don't get them,

414. then the audience will know I failed.

415. If there's one thing more unnerving than an escape room,

416. it's an escape house.

417. Oh my God!

418. - Do my eyes deceive me?

419. - Samuel Re-chi?

420. Behold, my treasures.

421. Most of them are useless garbage

422. meant to be smashed and destroyed.

423. But beware,

424. for one is the mythical Minotaur's grail,

425. a rental so valuable,

426. it will cost the production $6,000 if you break.

427. - Oh no, not actually.

428. Your task is simple.

429. You must break all but the grail

430. using these clues to make your decision.

431. First grail is a bowl sitting south of a spout,

432. unless an egg is its neighbor, then choose a new route.

433. You must choose the bottle that smells of sea air

434. unless it's white or it's smiling or sits 'tween a pair.

435. You must choose the grail twixt the fish and the blue,

436. unless an egg sits below it, then that's the wrong hue.

437. You must choose the bird with water below,

438. unless a beast hunts above it within a stone's throw.

439. A beast and its neighbor, you must shatter next

440. and next to a handle is the beast you will vex.

441. It strides on its legs, smash it well and then go.

442. To smash all its neighbors accepting just those

443. with earrings set high or that swim to and fro.

444. - Zach, am I allowed to throw up

445. in any number of these grails?

446. - I don't care.

447. - This is what you face in Dimension 20 all the time.

448. - Yeah, but you know with five other people.

449. Oh!

450. North, south, east, west.

451. So the first is a bowl, south of a spout.

452. That's a bowl. It's not south of a spout.

453. That's theoretically a bowl, no spout.

454. In fact, there really aren't that many spouts

455. here except for this.

456. Unless an egg is its neighbor, then choose a new route.

457. Egg is its neighbor.

458. - Brother, I ain't got no idea.

459. You are so unhelpful.

460. You must choose the bottle that smells of sea air.

461. I think this is sea glass.

462. Is that helpful?

463. - I mean it wouldn't help to just start huffing bottles.

464. - Nah.

465. - Does one of you always lie

466. and one of you always tell the truth?

467. - Yeah, you got it. Exactly.

468. - Do both of you always lie?

469. - Exactly, we're doing the exact same thing.

470. - This has handles and that has handles

471. and next to the handle is the beast you will vex.

472. Okay, this is next to a handle, but this is also a beast

473. and also next to a handle.

474. It strides on its legs. This has legs.

475. Smash it well and then go.

476. Hey, guards, should I smash this?

477. - No. - Absolutely not.

478. That was lucky.

479. - A beast. Here's the beast.

480. And it's neighbors.

481. I think all these neighbors,

482. everything around it you should shatter next.

483. And next to a handle is the beast you will vex.

484. That's a handle. That's a beast.

485. It strides on its legs.

486. Smash it well, and then go to smash all of its neighbors

487. except those with earrings set high.

488. This guy.

489. Or that swim to and fro, fish.

490. - Wait.

491. Never mind.

492. - Oh my God! - This is a neighbor.

493. That thing was beautiful.

494. - This feels precious, but it is a neighbor.

495. And I'm assuming the handle

496. is also something we're smashing.

497. - I don't know.

498. Let's move on to the next one.

499. It's time to break many.

500. Be careful, but reckon.

501. To smash any twixt metals of first place and second.

502. Burn the beast of the forest and the cracked mouth.

503. Preserve the earrings, but burn all to their south.

504. Burn both the bowls and the treasures between

505. and smash up the grail with the light that's unseen.

506. - Simple. - It's so simple!

507. - That's silver for sure.

508. I mean that's kind of gold.

509. Beast of the forest and the cracked mouth.

510. Oh, it feels heavy though.

511. But this has gotta be the cracked mouth.

512. - It could be a- - I don't think so.

513. - Oh my God!

514. - Burn the beast from the forest.

515. Now I think the only beast and forest

516. is this beautiful one, which is so heavy.

517. - $6,000, Sam.

518. - I'm pretty sure.

519. - No, Sam, don't do it!

520. - Oh my God.

521. - Preserve the earrings, but burn all to their south!

522. I know where the earrings are.

523. This is south! - No!

524. Yeah.

525. - This is south. - No!

526. - Burn both the bowls and the treasure between.

527. Okay, if that is gold. - Ah-huh.

528. - Then we're referring to these two bowls

529. and the treasure between is this guy.

530. - Maybe. - These are just so big

531. for breakables, you know what I mean?

532. Yeah, don't break it.

533. - No! - Oh.

534. - Bowl. - Keep it.

535. - Treasure between.

536. Oh, but that could also be the bowl

537. and the treasure between. - Yeah. Maybe.

538. - You are not a helpful part of this operation.

539. And I'm sorry to give you that feedback.

540. - If you're like little brain can't handle it,

541. there's always the path of shame.

542. Shame!

543. - There was a path of shame this whole time?

544. - Sam, I'm gonna go ahead and give you your final clue.

545. So few now remain as we come to the end.

546. - I know, so few.

547. - Your true grail will surely have an orthogonal friend.

548. The true grail will mourn its twin long since gone

549. unless hands holding hands still remain dancing on.

550. Decisions, decisions, the games all but won.

551. Smash all but the true grail and remember, have fun.

552. I like the have fun reminder, that's really nice.

553. Orthogonal? - Like braces.

554. I don't think so.

555. - Yeah, haven't you ever been the orthogontist?

556. Silver?

557. Don't!

558. Power of friendship,

559. we love to shake hands.

560. - My grandmother made that one.

561. - Oh, this has light in it.

562. - It probably doesn't relate to an earlier

563. and already abandoned clue.

564. Ah!

565. - Wow. - Oh!

566. If ever there was a breakable, it's this one.

567. - No! - Zack, catch.

568. Oh!

569. - Oh, that feels heavy. I don't know.

570. Zach, when your eyes are dry,

571. you put in them an eye? - Drops?

572. - The path of shame for you!

573. That was the mighty grail.

574. This was so hard!

575. Sam, how does it feel that we made a challenge

576. technically solvable,

577. but so fucked up in terms of how hard it is?

578. - I would expect nothing less from you, Brennan.

579. - The path of shame. - We're so sorry.

580. You were brave. You tried your hardest.

581. - Thank you, fairies.

582. That dastardly Minotaur.

583. - Too familiar.

584. From the very first episode of Game Changer.

585. How does the machine claim to know things

586. that even his is creator does not know?

587. - That is a really good question, Brennan.

588. - You'll remember this, won't you?

589. I had just been hired

590. at good old CollegeHumor

591. and you tricked my then girlfriend

592. to come to the old IAC building.

593. Fucked up, Sam! - Yeah.

594. - And now the tables have turned.

595. Sam, have you ever edited your own Wikipedia page?

596. Holy shit.

597. Yes.

598. Listen, the picture was terrible.

599. And I went and I got a picture taken

600. with a photographer specifically to put up on Wikipedia,

601. and it was so hard to get up there.

602. - The lie detector has determined you're telling the truth.

603. Next question, Sam.

604. How much money did you spend on last year's Emmy campaign?

605. - Oh no. It wasn't nothing.

606. It was at least $50,000.

607. Holy shit.

608. Wow. - Listen.

609. As compared to most four year consideration campaigns,

610. that was a steal.

611. - That's another green light.

612. Be very honest, Sam.

613. Do you eat the same lunch at home every day?

614. - I'm beginning to think Elaine didn't go on that walk

615. with a friend this morning.

616. I eat the same thing for lunch,

617. most days,

618. like canned tuna and chickpeas

619. and cucumber and little chow mein noodles.

620. - And who do you tend to share that lunch with?

621. - I give bites of food to my cat even though I shouldn't.

622. - And that's a green light!

623. We'll make sure to send this one directly to Robert.

624. Did you put a stretch limo on your parents' credit card

625. without their permission?

626. Yes!

627. And I'm proud of it

628. because my girlfriend at the time

629. would one day become my wife and we had a prom to remember.

630. Ah!

631. Another green light.

632. - Better than the two of you can say.

633. - How many poems have you written about Beowulf

634. and is it more than zero?

635. I can go on.

636. Please don't!

637. And finally, Sam,

638. have you ever missed an international flight?

639. And if so, can you tell us why?

640. Oh, Jesus Christ.

641. This was early on in Elaine and my relationship.

642. We were living together for the first time in our lives

643. and we were due to fly to England

644. and we missed it

645. because we were having sex.

646. - This is an honest response,

647. but not the one we were looking for!

648. We were looking for,

649. you washed your passport in your pants.

650. - Oh, that one!

651. I also did that one. I also did that one.

652. - But rad that you boned, man.

653. Congratulations. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

654. They boned for a full day?

655. - Listen, we were like 18-years-old.

656. - You're never leaving this castle alive, Sam.

657. But don't worry.

658. I'm sure all your loved ones

659. are as safe and sound as can be.

660. - Do you have my wife, you monster?

661. What have you done with my wife?

662. Ta-ta, Sam.

663. - Okay. If I know how this works,

664. this lie detector is hooked up to my wife

665. and therefore it is through that door!

666. And through these guards!

667. Oh, I thought I was gonna have to like

668. defeat you or something.

669. - Don't worry, you'll never talk to us again.

670. - That's not reassuring. - Goodbye, forever.

671. - See you soon.

672. - Okay, court, court, court, court.

673. It's locked.

674. - Sam? - Elaine?

675. - The Minotaur locked me in here.

676. You need to get the key, but the guard has the key!

677. - The guards have the key?

678. - Yeah, but listen, one of the guards always lies

679. and the other guard is always wrong,

680. but it comes from an honest place.

681. The guard-

682. That lies has the key. - That is tricky

683. because those two things

684. are very closely related to each other.

685. - Ask as many questions to the guards as possible,

686. but you only have one chance to get a key.

687. I've been in here for so long!

688. - Yeah, I know you left so early this morning.

689. - I didn't go on a walk.

690. Kobe.

691. So is he the one that's wrong?

692. - This guy is right.

693. - I know everything.

694. - Is this the guy that lies?

695. - This is the guy who's always correct.

696. - Wait a second! Wait a second!

697. Is your real name Raph? - No.

698. - Is your real name Ross?

699. - That's absurd.

700. - Do you have a beard?

701. - No, I can't grow a beard.

702. I've been trying.

703. - How big is your penis?

704. - My penis is of totally average size.

705. - This is the guy who lies.

706. This is the guy who's wrong.

707. Do you have the key?

708. - I would never give the key to you.

709. - What?

710. The key? No!

711. I'm coming, honey.

712. Sam?

713. You're here.

714. You made it.

715. Listen, I can't get free of the chains

716. unless you help me complete the Bingo board.

717. - Oh my God!

718. I have no further instruction?

719. Camera people?

720. Oh, yeah.

721. - This is obviously from Nom Nom Nom.

722. We call this in the world of escape rooms and escape design

723. a search failure.

724. Fucker!

725. - That would've been bad for everybody.

726. What am I gonna do without your wisdom?

727. - Also, did you not bring the turmeric that I made you?

728. - Yes, I did! - Did you drink it?

729. - And I bet he's gonna pull out a jar of piss right now.

730. I bet he is.

731. Now. - Ew!

732. Drink some water!

733. - Oh, they're also gonna get a stamp here.

734. Can you do this one so then I'd be free?

735. Smacks butt with both hands and says "Meow."

736. - This is uh. - Yeah, I know.

737. We're gonna bring this into couple's therapy, for sure.

738. Here goes nothing.

739. - Meow! - Oh, thank you.

740. Oh my God. Okay, I'm free.

741. - You've been watching me this whole time?

742. - Have you not high fived anybody?

743. - I don't think so.

744. Is speechless "In order so that?"

745. - Yeah. - That is so rude!

746. - La la la, oh, you two love birds are loving it up.

747. Well, you happen to have rescued Elaine, Sam.

748. Congratulations.

749. - In this analogy, are you Bowser?

750. - You know what Bowser's got on his head, don't you, Sam?

751. - The fucking horns, buddy! - The horns.

752. - Yeah. - The final challenge awaits.

753. Cerberus below. Your doom is sealed.

754. Sam Reich, so help me!

755. Your doom is sealed!

756. - I love Brennan.

757. But I do worry about his blood pressure.

758. - I know he does have one vulnerability.

759. His heart.

760. And this might help you with it.

761. - The minotaurs armor. - Yeah.

762. In case you need it later. This way.

763. - Okay.

764. God, this castle's huge. - It's huge.

765. - Check that off, Bingo board players.

766. Well, well, well.

767. - Look who finally decided to join us!

768. - You can do it, Sam. - This is a nightmare!

769. - You better believe it.

770. - We're Cerberus and we've been here.

771. The whole time.

772. - Truly nightmare fuel.

773. - Just kidding.

774. - It's Izzy, Vic and Jacob. - Yeah, I can tell.

775. - Do you remember us? - Yes!

776. From various very well respected episodes of Game Changer.

777. - But most importantly. - Sam Says One, Sam Says Two.

778. And Sam Says Three.

779. Rub your eyes, buddy. Are you dreaming?

780. - You pissed us off so bad we fused into one person.

781. - So a lot of people are wanting to help you out

782. or hoping you get outta here.

783. Guess what?

784. We hope that this is where you die, I think-

785. - That is the lore.

786. - And the only way to begin is by beginning.

787. And the only way by knowing is.

788. - I don't think so.

789. - Sam says blow a kiss.

790. Eh, eh, eh!

791. - This is Cerberus says.

792. - You know we got that dog in us!

793. - That's one point away from Sammy.

794. - What?

795. - Bye-bye. - Sam says,

796. nod your head if you understand the rules.

797. Ah!

798. - Okay, Cerberus says,

799. shake your head if you understand the rules.

800. - That's two more points.

801. Cerberus says blow a kiss.

802. - Very good. - Okay.

803. - Spicy!

804. Cerberus says catch a kiss.

805. - You only said one.

806. Ah!

807. - Cerberus says coin a catchphrase and make it funny.

808. Samalamadingdong..

809. Uh-uh.

810. - Cerberus says take a deep breath.

811. Hold it.

812. Ah.

813. Clever girl.

814. - Cerberus says don't flinch.

815. - Cerberus says propose a visual effect to go here.

816. - All three of these, my former "Sam Says" contestants,

817. grow devil horns.

818. And then a devil's tail kind of like grows outta the back

819. and starts doing one of these

820. at the same time as flames start to appear

821. below the podium and smoke.

822. - Okay. - Okay, cool.

823. - Cerberus says please propose a sound effect

824. for your weapon to make.

825. - Samalamadingdong.

826. Samalamadingdong.

827. Samalamadingdong-day.

828. - Cerberus says are you sure?

829. - Yes?

830. - Cerberus says from now on, wait to do a command

831. until after you get the next head's command.

832. Cerberus says fake sneeze.

833. Fake sneeze.

834. - Cerberus says fake sneeze.

835. Clever girl.

836. - Cerberus says recite the virtuous economic cycle.

837. Ah.

838. - Cerberus says rub your tummy.

839. - Taxes. - Ah.

840. - Lead to government programs, lead to wages, lead to taxes.

841. - That's not what we have. - That's not what we have.

842. - It's close, but it's not exactly what we have.

843. Oh, take a point away here.

844. I say three points away.

845. Three points away from Sam.

846. - Cerberus says that you can now disregard

847. the rule about delayed instructions.

848. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

849. Cerberus says for this upcoming round,

850. we will each give you a command

851. and you must complete them at the same time.

852. - Wow. - Nod if you understand.

853. Yes. Oh.

854. - We got him.

855. - He's an idiot. - You do feel like an idiot.

856. - Cerberus says grind up on your podium.

857. - Cerberus says speak in a very deep voice.

858. - Cerberus says offer condolences.

859. I'm so sorry

860. for your loss.

861. - Crazy. - Crazy choice.

862. - That's gonna mean in a bad way.

863. - Unfortunately, we do have to give you a point for that.

864. - I feel bad about it, too.

865. - Cerberus says tell us something we don't know about you.

866. - Cerberus says do a yoga pose.

867. - Cerberus says speak in iambic pentameter.

868. - I had a dog with but an eye named Waffle.

869. I don't know what an iambic pentameter is.

870. - It's fine. Let's just give it to him.

871. One point.

872. - Cerberus says hop on one leg!

873. - Cerberus says keep your hands in your pocket.

874. - Cerberus says drink water.

875. - This one might seem a tad impossible!

876. How are you gonna do this one?

877. - Whoa. - Oh, wow.

878. Wow!

879. - We honestly didn't think you could do it.

880. I bet.

881. - And that's a point for you.

882. That's a point, give him a point.

883. Don't let it go to your head.

884. - Cerberus says Elaine,

885. whack Sam with

886. this fly swatter every time he uses an adjective.

887. - Cerberus says Sam, describe what you love about Elaine

888. in great detail. - Happily.

889. - Cerberus says moan every time you get hit.

890. - The things I love most about Elaine, her sense of humor,

891. heart, eyes, tenacity. - Doesn't know.

892. - No, no. - Spirit.

893. - No. - And that she's sexy,

894. sexy, sexy, sexy.

895. Ooh!

896. You did not moan! - Oh!

897. - You were supposed to act like you were.

898. In a porno!

899. - Cerberus says Sam whack Elaine

900. every time she uses a verb.

901. - Cerberus says Elaine,

902. describe in detail what you love about Sam.

903. - Oh, and Elaine, Cerberus says bark every time you get hit.

904. Sam is.

905. - Mm-hmm. Woof.

906. Hilarious.

907. He makes me laugh.

908. Every day.

909. And you're such a genius.

910. - Aw. - I mean,

911. like this is because of you.

912. - That's so nice. Again, you are your-

913. You get a point!

914. - Aw, that's nice. - Cerberus says

915. the rule about simultaneous instruction

916. is no longer in effect. - Okay.

917. - Cerberus says take this sword.

918. - Cerberus says use it wisely.

919. - Cerberus! - Only.

920. - Sometimes. - Says.

921. - Wiggles. - Go.

922. - Hinge. - Nipples.

923. - Hair. - Your.

924. - Underside. - Jump.

925. - Nose. - Sing.

926. - Laugh.

927. Ah!

928. Very well done, Sam.

929. You were only supposed to listen to my command.

930. Last thing is Cerberus says name this episode.

931. - Oh, wow. - Take your time.

932. - Brennan's Go?

933. Or Sam Gets Game Changered?

934. No, that's a little too long.

935. - What does your heart say?

936. - Samalamadingdong.

937. - Cerberus says it might be Samalamadingdong.

938. - My heart says Samalamadingdong, final answer.

939. - Lock it in that. - That was really huge.

940. - Good job. Let's get a hug in.

941. I wanna hug my bud. - That'd be cool.

942. - Yeah. - Eh, eh, eh!

943. - Cerberus didn't say. One point away.

944. - That brings us to the end of our game.

945. - You finished with 11 points.

946. In this world, points are real.

947. Whoa.

948. Oh God!

949. Oh my God! - It sucks, right?

950. - That's really bad. - It massively sucks.

951. - Yeah, it's really bad. - It's like a bad time.

952. It's kind of like scarring. - One point away from Sam.

953. - So that brings you to 10 points.

954. Sam, come take your reward.

955. - Does Cerberus say I can come take my reward?

956. - Cerberus says come and take your reward.

957. Good boy. Did you see this?

958. - Good boy. - Good boy.

959. - Yes. - I'm gonna pretend

960. I don't like that.

961. Cerberus says to retrace your steps.

962. - Retrace our steps this way?

963. - Yeah. - Oh my God.

964. I hope that the cards have been able to-

965. - The cards are here. - Like sit down

966. and drop the shields at least.

967. Speaking of the shields,

968. it might be good to grab one of them.

969. - This will not help you at all.

970. - Okay. Good luck.

971. - Thanks for the encouraging words.

972. - Or that, I don't. Are we against him?

973. - Am I about to LARP with Brennan? Oh, no.

974. - But you're ready for it.

975. He's out these doors.

976. You got this.

977. - You can do it, Sam. - We believe in you.

978. - We believe in you, Sam. - Wow.

979. Here goes nothing, fairies.

980. You got this.

981. Well, well, well.

982. You've solved my labyrinth, Puzzle Master.

983. Minotaur's watching you escape,

984. but you are still going to get the horns, buddy.

985. - No, you're so tall!

986. - No path of shame for you here, Sam Reich.

987. I am going to kill you!

988. In real life!

989. Any last words?

990. Want to try your hand at a monologue?

991. Maybe if you're lucky, we'll put it on a mug!

992. Like all the monologues

993. you've subjected me to making over the years.

994. Any last words before your destruction, Sam Reich?

995. - I've solved your labyrinth, Minotaur.

996. The Puzzle Master's escaped.

997. And you're gonna get my horn!

998. What?

999. Samalamadingdong.

1000. - You submit to destruction?

1001. You submit to the will of the Minotaur?

1002. The trickster is no more!

1003. You once told me

1004. there was no corner of your heart

1005. you wouldn't turn over for five points.

1006. - I've got ten.

1007. - Points. Please!

1008. No, please, let me.

1009. - Oh, oh, oh. - I'd do anything for them!

1010. - You want my heart? Here. - I want your heart.

1011. - Here. Ah points!

1012. Samalamadingdong!

1013. Samalamadingdong-day!

1014. I buffed it! I shitted it!

1015. - Ah, I'm fucking dead!

1016. - You did it. Thank you.

1017. For the points.

1018. - Thanks for a great game, buddy. That was awesome.

1019. - You got it, man.

1020. Check it out.

1021. The mug's still true.

1022. - You did it. You did it!

1023. - I defeated the Minotaur!

1024. - Come this way, come this way!

1025. - It's Cody's Program!

1026. - Not the Buzzer of Shame.

1027. Ah, I fucking buffed it.

1028. Can I just say,

1029. to be able to plan this entire thing behind my back,

1030. it's a testament to how far this show has come

1031. that this can happen without me.

1032. And from the bottom of my heart,

1033. go fuck yourself.