Future Man 1x8

1. Previously on Future Man:

2. I'm gonna run this through

3. every DNA database in the world.

4. I'm coming for you.

5. Okay, this is my life.

6. Leave me the fuck alone.

7. We got three bio slags

8. and an asset to interrogate.

9. The kill team is going to descend on this house.

10. They will hunt you down and find you,

11. no matter where you are.

12. All right, we use our last jump,

13. we go back, we kill baby Kronish.

14. That is the new mission.

15. Absolutely not, you cannot kill a baby.

16. You just find out when and where Kronish was born,

17. we'll take care of the rest.

18. Consider your savior duties complete, Future Man.

19. What's happening?

20. Feels like my dick's getting ripped off!

21. Oh, shit.

22. What was that?

23. Why are you looking at me like that?

24. Where's your scar?

25. Huh?

26. Whoa.

27. Oh, it's on your arm!

28. Oh God.

29. Where's mine?

30. Ah, what the?

31. It's the Cameronium.

32. It's unstable in its raw form.

33. Our bodies got scrambled in the jump.

34. Oh, was that all?

35. You had a rough 10 minutes.

36. First you die, and then this.

37. Let's just say you're initiated.

38. Really?

39. All right.

40. Let's hop to it.

41. Wait, wait, wait, stop.

42. What?

43. Holy shit, this dick is huge!

44. - What's this thing? - Ah, it's so hairy.

45. That is a pathetic cock.

46. It's lacking its warrior's mane.

47. Oh my God, the girth.

48. Give me back my dick, you fucking cock pirate.

49. - Go fire up the TTD, we gotta jump again. - No. No. No!

50. No, we are not jumping again.

51. Well, that's easy for you to say,

52. you still got your vag.

53. - Yeah, we're good. - See?

54. No, we're not— it's too dangerous.

55. I mean, what could be next, our hearts, our brains?

56. I don't care. I want my dick back.

57. How do you walk with this thing?

58. Oh!

59. So that's what corpses smell like.

60. What a waste of deviled eggs.

61. Anyone else not in the mood to chop bodies up?

62. No.

63. We've come a long way.

64. Almost there, just one more mission.

65. Get us that date, we'll take care of the rest.

66. I just can't believe it still comes down to this.

67. Hey, remember,

68. you're not killing a baby.

69. We're killing a baby.

70. It's a first for me.

71. Yeah, that doesn't really help.

72. I mean, people throw terms around,

73. like "for the greater good,"

74. but I just feel sick to my stomach.

75. That probably means your humanity's intact.

76. Congratulations.

77. Wise words from Corey Hart.

78. We'd all do well to heed them.

79. You're not bringing anything?

80. Intense focus,

81. sense of purpose,

82. shutter blade.

83. Why do you need that?

84. Moruga scorpion?

85. It's only the world's spiciest chili powder.

86. Don't eat it if you're not interested

87. in shitting blood.

88. Man, when you're in a jam,

89. a pinch of this will save the dish.

90. Okay, we're not here to pleasure scavenge.

91. Return this junk to Gabe.

92. That's my keep sack.

93. That's my return sack.

94. We're not keeping anything.

95. Okay, these things, they're not our things,

96. and as much as you might want them to be,

97. these people, they're not our people.

98. I—I just wanna bring my cookbook.

99. The only thing we're bringing back

100. is our team.

101. It's a mistake to think we have any connection

102. to this time.

103. Dump it out.

104. The future we're going back to, Wolf,

105. it is going to have all this and more.

106. Imagine plump cats, not just on Festivus,

107. but every meal.

108. Okay, different pairs of socks for each day of the week.

109. Water the color of fresh tea.

110. Electricity.

111. After we kill this baby,

112. the only thing you're ever gonna have to kill again

113. is rampaging alligators, and it will not

114. be for survival,

115. it'll be for sport.

116. Okay?

117. Grab your return sack and let's go.

118. Hey, Dr. Kronish.

119. Futterman, what are you doing here?

120. Working.

121. Oh, I gave everyone the week off.

122. Thanks to our holiday party debacle,

123. half the office is still hospitalized.

124. Oh.

125. Are you okay?

126. Stu is suing me for wrongful termination,

127. Marigold's got me sleeping on the couch,

128. and to top it off,

129. my house is in the path of the Loma Linda Fire.

130. The what?

131. Where did it go wrong, Futterman?

132. It's all gonna be over soon.

133. Not soon enough.

134. Well, it might be hard for you to understand,

135. you're a young man.

136. What is our age difference?

137. I'm 23 and you're...

138. Too old for this shit.

139. I was like you once,

140. full of hopes and dreams.

141. I was quite a dancer back in the day.

142. You don't say?

143. That dancing, where— where would you say

144. you picked that up?

145. - On the streets of— - Hard knocks.

146. Hard knocks California or like hard knocks Chicago.

147. Hawthorne, born and raised.

148. But I—I gave up on the dancing,

149. gave up on a lot of things.

150. I was in love once.

151. Many, many years ago.

152. - With Marigold? - No.

153. That is, as it's always been,

154. a loveless relationship.

155. I'm pretty sure she cheated on me.

156. And I too was tempted by the fruit of another.

157. Leslie.

158. Sweet, sweet Leslie.

159. That boat was Leslie's 36th birthday present to me.

160. And with it came an offer to sail away into a new life.

161. We were to set sail that day.

162. So your birthday, that— was that the summertime?

163. I mean, you don't really embark

164. on a journey like that during the winter.

165. June 24th, but you're missing the point.

166. I could've had a little scuba shop in the Seychelles,

167. living a quiet life.

168. You ever taste conch fritter, Futterman?

169. Woo, God damn delicious.

170. Well, you can still enjoy those.

171. You can't get good conch in L. A.

172. And you definitely can't find Leslie.

173. Why didn't I listen to my heart?

174. Now I'm just a 68-year-old quilt of regret,

175. stitched together with herpes and inertia.

176. Ah, I'm just wallowing.

177. Tomorrow, back to work.

178. Can I take a photo with you?

179. If it's for the World's Greatest Boss mug, then yes.

180. Thank you, it's a keepsake.

181. Oh, another one, but—but goofy.

182. - It'll cheer us both up. - Okay.

183. This blaze started in the Loma Linda area

184. and has quickly jumped around

185. threatening homes and neighborhoods.

186. A spokesman for the LA Fire Department said the cause of the blaze

187. was unknown at the time,

188. but they hope to have further information

189. later today.

190. Mayor Garcetti is scheduled

191. to have a press conference at 3:00pm but at the moment...

192. Gabe, Gabe...

193. have you been attacked?

194. They took her.

195. They took my cupcake.

196. Said there was a murder,

197. something about a cop in 1969, some drug dealers,

198. it didn't make any sense.

199. - Who took her? - The cops!

200. They said they had her DNA,

201. some DNA test she took, it all happened so fast.

202. Okay.

203. All right, Dad, I'm gonna ask you

204. a very important question, all right?

205. How good looking were the cops?

206. What?

207. Like, were they hot or not?

208. On a scale of 1 to 10,

209. were they a 9 or higher?

210. I don't know, it's kinda tough for me to gauge.

211. Okay, um...

212. Okay, who's the hottest person you can think of?

213. Your mother.

214. Okay, Dad,

215. Mom isn't here right now,

216. you can be honest with me.

217. Your mother is a 10.

218. She's a 6 at best!

219. You take that back.

220. Dad, Dad, you—listen to me,

221. okay, listen to me.

222. Now, tell me, were the cops hot or not?

223. I don't know, maybe one of them had a certain

224. way about them.

225. It had to be Biotics.

226. Guys, Jerry said a strike team was coming.

227. And now they've taken my mom as bait!

228. - It's not Biotics. - It could be.

229. For all we know she's dead.

230. It's okay, Gabe!

231. You just have to replace her.

232. Perhaps with Wanda!

233. I don't want to replace her.

234. She gives great blow jobs.

235. Guys, my mom is gone,

236. and I'm responsible for that.

237. Okay, if we can't get her back,

238. if something happens to her, that's—

239. that's all my fault!

240. I can't live with myself.

241. We have to rescue Diane.

242. - What? - Look around.

243. They welcomed us into their family,

244. and we are just tearing it apart.

245. What happened to forgetting these people

246. and getting back to Festivus cats

247. and sport gators?

248. Give us the date.

249. If Biotics have Diane, the last thing we wanna do

250. is walk into that trap.

251. - Give me the date. - No, no!

252. I'll cut it out of your stomach.

253. Wolf, stop.

254. Fuck.

255. I couldn't swallow it.

256. We're going to rescue Diane.

257. Whether it's police or it's Biotics,

258. we are not leaving her behind,

259. and that is the true meaning of Festivus.

260. What?

261. Let me tell you a little story about a girl

262. named Diane, Diane.

263. It was the '60s.

264. A lot of ideas in the air.

265. Some people wanted to create a great society,

266. some wanted to watch it burn.

267. I was in the Peace Corps.

268. Which is exactly where you learned

269. to hate black people.

270. In South America?

271. Fine, Latinos!

272. People with names like, I don't know,

273. Jorge Santiago.

274. Jorge was your partner, the one you lost?

275. And how would you know that?

276. Well, you've mentioned it several times.

277. I don't even think you know you're doing it.

278. I'm gonna keep doing it until you help me add up

279. one plus one!

280. 'Cause I keep coming up with three!

281. You've aged magnificently, by the way.

282. Well, that's not me.

283. Tell that to the DNA you left at the meth lab.

284. It matches perfectly to the DNA

285. that you submitted to DN-Yay.

286. DN-Yay?

287. Well, I never did a test.

288. Don't lie to me, Diane.

289. I've spent 48 years waiting for a slip.

290. And, boy, did you hit the banana peel.

291. Why don't we both just take a nice, deep breath.

292. I know it must be incredibly frustrating

293. trying to make sense of your partner's death,

294. but this is all a big mistake.

295. DNA don't lie.

296. What's in this, huh?

297. Are you looking for someone?

298. Protecting someone?

299. Rita in San Bernardino?

300. Gavin in Prescott, Arizona?

301. Why do the test when you know you're on

302. the FBI's Most Wanted list?

303. You may want to, uh, pump the brakes, Detective.

304. Excuse me.

305. I ran the cheek swab and it doesn't match.

306. Impossible!

307. Run it again.

308. DNA don't lie.

309. Okay, guys, let's go get Mom back.

310. - Dead or alive. - No, Corey, alive.

311. Shouldn't I just call a lawyer?

312. Dad, look, things in there

313. might get a little bit hairy, okay?

314. Why don't you just stay out here

315. and keep the car running?

316. What are you talking about?

317. All right, guys...

318. time to get ready for the fight of our lives.

319. Joshy!

320. Oh, you all came.

321. Oh my God, cupcake, I thought I'd lost you.

322. I'm never letting go again.

323. What has gotten into the three of you?

324. What are you mixed up in?

325. They have got sketches of all of you in there,

326. and they've got your DNA test results

327. and a whole list of your relatives.

328. This is—this is my fault, Diane, okay?

329. But you don't have to worry, because after today,

330. you're not gonna see us ever again.

331. Neither is your son.

332. Well, that's a bit extreme.

333. I mean, I was just telling you all of this

334. 'cause I care about you.

335. I know you do.

336. I do too.

337. Let's—let's get out of here, go home.

338. Just give us a second.

339. Diane's secure.

340. Now, how about that date?

341. Guess this is goodbye.

342. Yup.

343. Who would've thought that three years ago

344. when I walked into that video game store

345. and I saw Biotic Wars there on the shelf

346. and I took it home and I starting playing—

347. What are you— what are you doing?

348. I was building up for, like, a heartfelt farewell.

349. You know what, to be honest, Future Man,

350. where we come from, if you show up you're alive,

351. if you don't, you're dead.

352. Hellos and goodbyes, they kinda went

353. the way of hygiene.

354. I guess that's kinda consistent with your whole deal.

355. For you, we're gonna make this quick.

356. Execution style.

357. Little baby Kronish, he's not gonna see it coming.

358. - Bye. - All right.

359. So, who wants Blizzards?

360. This isn't a Blizzard moment, honey.

361. Hey, Gabe.

362. Meeting you has been good,

363. which makes it hard to say goodbye.

364. I care about you.

365. Really?

366. Cock pirate.

367. What a nice young man.

368. So, you wanna tell us what's going on?

369. Yeah.

370. You know, but first, Mom, I need to apologize to you.

371. I was so unfair with you the other night,

372. and you did not deserve that.

373. Oh, honey.

374. You never rebelled as a kid,

375. so it's about time you told your parents

376. to fuck off.

377. I punched my dad when he tried

378. to get me to enlist.

379. I had no quarrel with the Viet Cong.

380. - No quarrel! - Hmm.

381. But I am concerned about the meth lab.

382. - Yeah. - Meth lab?

383. Someone's out of the loop.

384. Look who's pleasure scavenging now.

385. You took a DNA test?

386. It was a moment of weakness.

387. You lecture me about chili powder!

388. Tell me these aren't our people.

389. Who are you looking for?

390. What are you looking for?

391. No more questions!

392. That's an order.

393. You're a fucking hypocrite.

394. I'm not the one who threw the mine

395. that killed the cop.

396. I didn't break the gas station

397. attendant's fingers bringing the biker gang

398. to the frat house, which led to a riot.

399. I didn't do all the meth,

400. and then shoot up drug dealers in the lab.

401. You shot up some of them!

402. Okay. We both shot up the drug dealers.

403. Ho-ly shit.

404. It's time to put those demons to bed.

405. Impossible.

406. Just when I thought I was out,

407. the fax machine pulls me back in.

408. You know, I just— I thought I was

409. doing the right thing, and...

410. now I don't even know what that is anymore.

411. Joshy, do you know what's so special about you?

412. You never give up on anything.

413. You're a fighter!

414. And on top of that, you are good.

415. You're the most loving boy a parent could ever wish for.

416. Whatever you're going through right now,

417. just lead with that, okay?

418. Follow your heart.

419. You're right.

420. You're right.

421. It's time for me to be strong.

422. What?

423. If I'm gonna be home after 11:00, I'll text.

424. You are not gonna believe what I just saw.

425. You give me shit for taking this much pleasure

426. from this world.

427. And behind my back,

428. you're trying to become part of it?

429. Speak of the demons.

430. Tiger!

431. Wolf!

432. I knew it.

433. Now, that's a 10.

434. Shit.

435. What are you doing here?

436. What are you guys doing here?

437. Yeah, Tiger, what are we doing here?

438. I thought— why didn't you jump?

439. We got TTD JJ'd— jump jammer.

440. The Biotics are blocking our signal.

441. Wouldn't have happened if we left when we were supposed to.

442. - Don't start with me. - Oh, I'm gonna start.

443. Then there's gonna be a middle, then an end.

444. - You're not gonna— - Then you're gonna

445. think it's over, then I'm gonna start again.

446. You are not gonna start again 'cause you're never gonna

447. - start to begin with. - Already started.

448. - Guys! - What are you even doing here?

449. I'm coming with you.

450. - You sure about that? - Yes.

451. I wanna see this thing to the end.

452. Not if we don't get out of range.

453. Maybe if you, like, move it a couple of inches.

454. A couple of inches don't matter...

455. in terms of the TTD.

456. Hey, guys, we gotta move.

457. Don't move, don't move.

458. Guys, don't, she can't see us.

459. No Biotics in the police station, huh?

460. - I guess Tiger was wrong again. - I wasn't wrong!

461. They probably just followed us here from the house.

462. If you hadn't made me return all my awesome stuff,

463. that wouldn't have even happened.

464. Ugh!

465. - Heart stab. - Neck plunge.

466. Great teamwork.

467. Guys, I saw a few more out there.

468. Smoke wave only bought us four minutes.

469. - Let's move. - No.

470. We're keeping this defensive position.

471. Tactical advantage.

472. Bullshit, it's hardly defensive.

473. We're outgunned and blind.

474. We're fucking target practice.

475. Guys, I think you're both in defensive positions.

476. Right, I didn't come back here to watch you two

477. tear each other apart.

478. I already died for you once,

479. I'm not doing it again.

480. Now, listen, I'm gonna get us out of here

481. on my lead.

482. Once a janitor always a janitor.

483. - Stu? - You know how much it cost me

484. to get all that puke out of this coat?

485. Two grand!

486. Stu, I don't really have the time right now—

487. Shut up!

488. You ruined me.

489. You ruined my company,

490. and I'm going to ruin you.

491. If I don't get the truth,

492. I will cut you, Janitor.

493. - Jesus Christ. - Start talking!

494. Stu, what—what the hell happened to you?

495. You happened to me!

496. And now Stu is gonna happen to you!

497. All right, we don't have time for this shit.

498. Sweet ride.

499. - I'm driving. - No, I'm driving.

500. What, so we can see cousin Sophie in Wichita?

501. Well, what do you wanna do, go get the hamburgers

502. from the Burger King?

503. Hey, assholes.

504. Get in, I'm driving!

505. What the hell?

506. What's happening?

507. Whatever it is, it's her fault.

508. Okay.

509. Shit, shit.

510. Run, run!

511. That's right, you better run.

512. (emergency sirens) Request that all civilians,

513. I repeat, all civilians evacuate

514. the park immediately. (helicopter whips overhead)

515. That's my collar!

516. We're running into a fire.

517. We're not.

518. We're running away from Biotics.

519. Yeah, into a fire.

520. - Shit. - God.

521. What the fuck is that?

522. It's microwire.

523. Moruga scorpion.

524. Holy shit.

525. Looks like you saved the dish.

526. And the mission.

527. I got a knife!

528. Whoa.

529. That's not a knife.

530. That's a knife.

531. It's a sword.

532. You're under arrest for the murder

533. of Jorge...

534. Oh, shit.

535. Fire's closing in, let's get the fuck out of here.

536. Where did they go?

537. Where did they go?

538. Give...

539. My dick back.

540. Oh, cock pirate.

541. (zap)

542. Fuck, that doesn't get any easier.

543. God dammit.

544. Oh, that feels weird, my foot feels weird.

545. Why does my foot feel weird?

546. Huh.

547. Why do I keep getting screwed?

548. Let's go, let's finish this.

549. Kill baby Kronish.

550. '40s were weird.

551. Wait a second.

552. All right, guys, we have to decide something.

553. What kind of heroes are we gonna be?

554. The kind who save the world by killing a baby?

555. Or the kind that save the world by sending

556. a man down a path towards a better life?

557. Guys!

558. What have you done, Futterman?

559. There's a boat leaving tonight,

560. and we're gonna make sure Elias Kronish is on it.