1. - I'm surprised you didn't
call in sick this morning, Fry.Copy !req
2. Isn't it a special day?Copy !req
3. - No, just my birthday.Copy !req
4. All I want is to enjoy
the quiet desolation of spaceCopy !req
5. for a few peaceful hours.Copy !req
6. Surprise!Copy !req
7. - Uh, 'kay.
This really wasn't—Copy !req
8. - Happys birthdays!
- Happy whatchacallit!Copy !req
9. - Surprise!
- Surprise!Copy !req
10. - Happy B-day, Fry.Copy !req
11. - Jeez. How many people did you invite?Copy !req
12. - Only a few. Less than 40.Copy !req
13. Surprise!Copy !req
14. - Surprise, sailor.Copy !req
15. - Thanks, everyone.Copy !req
16. - What's the matter, Fry?Copy !req
17. You look sick and so darn blue.Copy !req
18. - Chicken cordon bleu! B'kaw!Copy !req
19. - I don't wanna talk about it.Copy !req
20. - Attention, party people.Copy !req
21. We got a code 99.
Birthday boy unresponsive.Copy !req
22. - We need backup.Copy !req
23. So, I'ma turn the music back up.Copy !req
24. - Hey! Please, just—Copy !req
25. - Emergency!
All butts to battle cushions!Copy !req
26. We're being pulled off-courseCopy !req
27. by some huge gravitational force!Copy !req
28. A black hole!Copy !req
29. - Scruffy begs to differ.Copy !req
30. I see it as more of a gray-brown,Copy !req
31. or perhaps toasted umber.Copy !req
32. - Impact in three!Copy !req
33. I mean, one!Copy !req
34. - Is everybody okay? 'Cause I'm not.Copy !req
35. - Coming out!Copy !req
36. Ow!Copy !req
37. - We heard a girlish scream.
Are you okay?Copy !req
38. - Did anyone else see that?Copy !req
39. - No. I was busy making a tourniquetCopy !req
40. out of my tiny, tiny shirt.Copy !req
41. - What kind of hellhole has
Leela brought us to this time?Copy !req
42. - A barren wasteland devoid of life.Copy !req
43. Like Fire Island after Labor Day.Copy !req
44. There's literally nothing here.Copy !req
45. Except that tasteless suburban teardown.Copy !req
46. - That's the tasteless
suburban teardown I grew up in!Copy !req
47. Whoa, weird.Copy !req
48. I was just repressing a memory of this.Copy !req
49. It's set up exactly like
my 8th birthday party.Copy !req
50. The theme was Game Night Afternoon.Copy !req
51. - What's wrong, son?Copy !req
52. Worried about our boys in Grenada?Copy !req
53. - No. It's just I-I'm not
very good at games, Dad.Copy !req
54. I don't wanna lose on my birthday.Copy !req
55. - Oh, don't worry.Copy !req
56. Not everything in life is about winning.Copy !req
57. But most things are.
Almost everything.Copy !req
58. Whoa! Happy birthday!Copy !req
59. - Here's Josh Gedgie!Copy !req
60. High five, best bud!Copy !req
61. - Oh! So close!Copy !req
62. I can't believe it.
Everything is exactly how it was,Copy !req
63. right down to the two-liter bottle
of Dr. Peeper.Copy !req
64. - What kind of weirdos
would go to the troubleCopy !req
65. of recreating a low-budget
store brand birthday party?Copy !req
66. - It was we!Copy !req
67. - He meant us. It was us!Copy !req
68. - I don't know.
I thought "we" sounded better.Copy !req
69. - Look, never mind the grammar.Copy !req
70. How did you big-heads
get my old house here?Copy !req
71. - I'ds likes to hears about the grammars.Copy !req
72. - Recreating Fry's house
was mere child's play,Copy !req
73. thanks to the power of our machine.
Behold!Copy !req
74. It scours the minds of visitorsCopy !req
75. for powerful memories of conflict.Copy !req
76. - And recreates those conflictsCopy !req
77. in every detail!Copy !req
78. - Today, we shall reenactCopy !req
79. Philip J. Fry's 8th birthday party,Copy !req
80. including all the thrilling
children's games he played!Copy !req
81. - I do enjoy Twister.Copy !req
82. - No Twister! You wouldn't believe
what the mean kids used to twist.Copy !req
83. - Then, we shall begin with the classicCopy !req
84. yet copyright-free gameCopy !req
85. Barrel of Primates!Copy !req
86. - Who's ready to link monkey parts?Copy !req
87. I am! Me!Copy !req
88. - They call me Monkey Breath for a reason.Copy !req
89. - Longest chain wins.Copy !req
90. Players, start your chains!Copy !req
91. - You shall play as two traditional teamsCopy !req
92. of 17!Copy !req
93. - Only instead of boring plastic pieces,Copy !req
94. you shall be the primates.Copy !req
95. Kindly enter the barrels when ready.Copy !req
96. - I'm ready now.Copy !req
97. - Let the game begin!Copy !req
98. - Uh, okay.Copy !req
99. We should probably obey the heads.Copy !req
100. - This is kind of fun.Copy !req
101. - Dang. You must work out a lot.Copy !req
102. - I'm a leg. Every day is leg day.Copy !req
103. - I don't remember this being
so hard when I was 8. Oh...Copy !req
104. - Did we mention there's a twist?Copy !req
105. - I knew you were twist guys!Copy !req
106. - Oh, great. A pool of acid?Copy !req
107. - No. We're not monsters!Copy !req
108. - It's actually a highly alkaline liquid.Copy !req
109. That's the twist!Copy !req
110. It'll dissolve you twice as fast as acid!Copy !req
111. - But I have a fear of dissolving!Copy !req
112. How do we get down from here?Copy !req
113. - By falling, of course.Copy !req
114. For in another twist,Copy !req
115. these party games shall be...Copy !req
116. to the death!Copy !req
117. MRS. Although
we kinda guessed that from the bones.Copy !req
118. - Ooh, and it's a real barn-burner!Copy !req
119. Phil's the sentimental favorite,Copy !req
120. but the smart money's on four-eyes.Copy !req
121. - The name's Gedgie,
and it may look close,Copy !req
122. but I've got the Gedge.Copy !req
123. - Fry's still in it!Copy !req
124. Ah-choo!Copy !req
125. - Look at him hook!Copy !req
126. - Impressive,
but my superior dexterity will—Copy !req
127. Aah!Copy !req
128. - I... w-won at something?Copy !req
129. I hope my grandma's
proud of me down in Hell.Copy !req
130. - Nice job, Phil,Copy !req
131. but I'll Gedge you next time.Copy !req
132. - That never gets old.Copy !req
133. - I say, I say,
I don't know how much longerCopy !req
134. these old hollow bird bones can hold out.Copy !req
135. - Why did you monsters dream this up?Copy !req
136. And are the streaming rights available?Copy !req
137. - Our motivations are three.Copy !req
138. Mine is to gain knowledgeCopy !req
139. by making people crash on our planetCopy !req
140. and subjecting them
to bizarre experiments!Copy !req
141. - As for me, I don't have any motivations.Copy !req
142. - And I have two motivations!Copy !req
143. Gambling, and making these cool masks.Copy !req
144. Let the gambling begin!Copy !req
145. - Fifty quids on the red team.Copy !req
146. - A hundred quids on blue!Copy !req
147. - Listen up, people!Copy !req
148. If we're going to survive,
we all need to work together!Copy !req
149. - Or we can shake the other team's barCopy !req
150. and make those losers fall first!Copy !req
151. - I vote for the shaking thing.Copy !req
152. - Cut it out, Bender!
Cheating is against the rules!Copy !req
153. - There are no rules.Copy !req
154. Oh wait. Here are the rules.Copy !req
155. It just says, "Fun for ages 3 to 99."Copy !req
156. - No wonder I'm not enjoying it!Copy !req
157. - Now, hold on a minute.Copy !req
158. According to the laws of calculus,Copy !req
159. we might just be able to link chainsCopy !req
160. to form a stable structure
known as a catenary.Copy !req
161. Damn! My dribbling
and differentiating arm!Copy !req
162. - Ah!Copy !req
163. - Is okay. Is only water.
Just as I foresaw.Copy !req
164. Oh. Oh, wait.Copy !req
165. - That game was not fun!Copy !req
166. - Congratulations to the red team!Copy !req
167. I'm sure you'll all want to celebrate
with some birthday cake.Copy !req
168. - My parents and my grandmother
a-are dead!Copy !req
169. - I'm so sorry for your loss, Leela.Copy !req
170. Can I have their cake?Copy !req
171. - Where'd you get the snazzy candles?Copy !req
172. - Our machine made them!Copy !req
173. - Oh, right, right.Copy !req
174. The next game is a simple one.Copy !req
175. Fry must blow out all the candlesCopy !req
176. in a single breath.Copy !req
177. - I can do that.Copy !req
178. - But, there's a twist.Copy !req
179. - I like a good twist.
That's what keeps the audience watching.Copy !req
180. - For each candle Fry doesn't blow out,Copy !req
181. the corresponding player will die!Copy !req
182. - W-Wait, what, what, what?Copy !req
183. - Don't worry, guys.
I'm actually, like, really good at this.Copy !req
184. - That's a lot of candles,
old man.Copy !req
185. You'll never do it.Copy !req
186. - Good going, brother!Copy !req
187. - Come on, gas bag! Blow your face off!Copy !req
188. - No fair! I got about 12 wicks!Copy !req
189. - Uh... look!Copy !req
190. He's still blowing somehow!Copy !req
191. It's going out!Copy !req
192. My only regret is not getting any cake!Copy !req
193. - And the winnerCopy !req
194. of the Tri-State Musical Chairs
ChampionshipCopy !req
195. is Philip J. Fry!Copy !req
196. Yay!Copy !req
197. - It's been six hours.Copy !req
198. Can't you at least play
something a little catchier?Copy !req
199. - No. We have one song,
and we really like it.Copy !req
200. - Oh, breadcrumbs.Copy !req
201. - Nobody panic! Two to a seat!Copy !req
202. - You heard her! Start panicking! Ah!Copy !req
203. - Oh! Oh!Copy !req
204. - Ow! Mom!Copy !req
205. - Ah! B'kaw!Copy !req
206. - Who likes piñatas?Copy !req
207. - Good try, Bartholomew.Copy !req
208. - No, it wasn't.Copy !req
209. - That's impossible.Copy !req
210. It'd take all three Hulks to break that.Copy !req
211. Incredible, She, and Hogan.Copy !req
212. - That's the first time
I ever swung a bat and hit something!Copy !req
213. Since no one likes candy,Copy !req
214. we have filled our piñata with quids!Copy !req
215. - I like candy.Copy !req
216. - My husband is dead!Copy !req
217. I can't go on!Copy !req
218. - Okay.Copy !req
219. - That wasn't candy.Copy !req
220. - I didn't realize you were still alive.Copy !req
221. - Less yakking, more whacking!Copy !req
222. Oh! Ow...Copy !req
223. - Guys, I'm good at this.Copy !req
224. The secret is backswing...
- Ouch!Copy !req
225. - ... and follow-through.Copy !req
226. Whoop. Sorry.Copy !req
227. - I'm rich! Finally, I can give up limboCopy !req
228. and start a professional sex league.Copy !req
229. Ah, hey, mon!Copy !req
230. - Oh no! My side piece!Copy !req
231. - And now for the penultimate game!Copy !req
232. - And then it will be over?
Th-This is the last game?Copy !req
233. - Penultimate means next to last.Copy !req
234. You lose the vocabulary game!Copy !req
235. - Kiffy! No!Copy !req
236. - This fiendish game
will be a treasure huntCopy !req
237. for these orbs of horsehide!Copy !req
238. - Blernsballs?
- No, baseballs.Copy !req
239. My mom had balls signedCopy !req
240. by her favorite members of the 1962 Mets.Copy !req
241. She hid them all over the house,
and we had to find them.Copy !req
242. - There are seven of you,Copy !req
243. but only four hidden baseballs!Copy !req
244. That's all we had.
And the machine can't make baseballs.Copy !req
245. It's not magic, for God's sake.Copy !req
246. - Let the hunt begin!Copy !req
247. - I found a baseball
in the moldy tangerines!Copy !req
248. Ah-choo! Ah-choo!Copy !req
249. - One ball left, kids!Copy !req
250. And it's the grand prize,Copy !req
251. signed by Choo-Choo Coleman himself.Copy !req
252. - It's as good as Gedgie's.Copy !req
253. Don't bother.
I already checked the fridge.Copy !req
254. - Yeah, but things get lost in there.Copy !req
255. Just last night,
we had bicentennial meatloaf.Copy !req
256. Red, white, and green.Copy !req
257. A-ha!Copy !req
258. - Way to go, Phil!
- That's my boy!Copy !req
259. - B-B-But, I searched
every inch of that fridge.Copy !req
260. Fry must be cheating!Copy !req
261. - That would explain why
he's winning everything.Copy !req
262. - I am not a cheater! I'm not!Copy !req
263. - Come on, Fry. This was your house.Copy !req
264. Please tell me where the baseballs are.Copy !req
265. - You want me to cheat?Copy !req
266. I can't do that, Leela.Copy !req
267. I am not a cheater. I'm not.Copy !req
268. - Ooh, lookie-see what
I found in the crawlspace!Copy !req
269. Signed by both Bob Millers.Copy !req
270. - There's only one left!Copy !req
271. Please, Fry!Copy !req
272. I know you don't wanna cheat,
but it's me. Leela!Copy !req
273. The woman you occasionally say you love.Copy !req
274. - I always love you, Leela,Copy !req
275. but there are two things I just can't do.Copy !req
276. Almost anything, and cheat.Copy !req
277. - You're right.Copy !req
278. You're sticking to
your principles.Copy !req
279. I'm proud of you.Copy !req
280. - I've never cheated in my life. Never.Copy !req
281. But I'll do it. This once.Copy !req
282. - Well, he cheated.
You win that bet.Copy !req
283. - Time to celebrate with a new mask!Copy !req
284. - Please remember me as a guy who never,Copy !req
285. ever cheated. Until now.Copy !req
286. - As the last orb has been found,
the hunt is over.Copy !req
287. Winners, step forward.Copy !req
288. You're not the winners.
Who said you were the winners?Copy !req
289. - I forgot to mention the winners
are the onesCopy !req
290. who don't find the baseballs!Copy !req
291. That's on me, guys.Copy !req
292. - Ooh. That was some impressive
reverse cheating, Fry.Copy !req
293. - For the last time, I'm not a cheater.Copy !req
294. Just shut up, Gedgie.
I-I mean, Bendy.Copy !req
295. - How dare you
mangle my blessed name!Copy !req
296. - Whoa, whoa! Save it for the finale.Copy !req
297. A game which will be played...
to the death!Copy !req
298. - They were all to the death!Copy !req
299. - The final game shall be a testCopy !req
300. of raw physical prowess!Copy !req
301. Prepare yourselvesCopy !req
302. for a brutal, no-holds-barred match of...Copy !req
303. Pin the Tail on the Donkey!Copy !req
304. - Aw, he's a cute little whatchacallit.Copy !req
305. Donkey.Copy !req
306. - The beast is clad in armor,Copy !req
307. save for this tiny area on its rear.Copy !req
308. - It is the donkey's Achilles butt.Copy !req
309. All its vital organs are clustered there.Copy !req
310. - Just like me!Copy !req
311. Simply pin the tail on the buttCopy !req
312. to slay the donkey and claim victory.Copy !req
313. - I'm shivering with excitementCopy !req
314. because this game involves...Copy !req
315. masks!Copy !req
316. - Phil, Semitic kid,
it's down to you two.Copy !req
317. - Yes!
- Go, Gedgie!Copy !req
318. - Woo-hoo!Copy !req
319. - Yes! Everything's coming up Gedgie.Copy !req
320. Beat that, REO Cheatwagon.Copy !req
321. How's this for cheating?Copy !req
322. - Oh, well. I guess you can't win 'em...Copy !req
323. all?
- Look at my boy!Copy !req
324. You stabbed that donkey
like a professional donkey stabber!Copy !req
325. - I'm so proud of you.Copy !req
326. We'll go get your presents,
so you can open them.Copy !req
327. - Aw!
- This party sucks!Copy !req
328. - Told you Fry was a cheater.Copy !req
329. - Happy birthday, Fry.Copy !req
330. I hope you had fun cheating
'cause nobody else did!Copy !req
331. - But I didn't cheat!Copy !req
332. - I lost a best friend a long time ago
'cause he thought I was cheating,Copy !req
333. and I'm not gonna let it happen again.Copy !req
334. - I don't wanna lose you either, Fry.Copy !req
335. - So I'm gonna prove I'm not cheating.Copy !req
336. Gouge out my eyes!
- Good idea!Copy !req
337. - Fry's suggestion is beyond horrific.Copy !req
338. Therefore, we shall do it!
- But, to make the game fair,Copy !req
339. we shall remove the eyes
of all the players!Copy !req
340. - Wait, hold on. What, what?
- Fear not.Copy !req
341. Our machine can remove eyes painlessly.Copy !req
342. Oops! Sorry. I stepped on your foot.Copy !req
343. - It's okay. I'm fine.Copy !req
344. - Let the animal abuse begin!Copy !req
345. - Alright, you monster whosit.Copy !req
346. I'm gonna stick this doohickey
where the dealy don't whatsit.Copy !req
347. - I'm sorry I called you a cheater, buddy.Copy !req
348. - Thanks, Bender.Copy !req
349. What do you say we team up
and go out fighting?Copy !req
350. - I say, aw yeah, baby!Copy !req
351. Friends to the end!Copy !req
352. My vital ass organs!Copy !req
353. You are a cheater!Copy !req
354. - Bender? Bender?Copy !req
355. - Congratulations, Philip J. Fry.Copy !req
356. You are the winner!Copy !req
357. - Return his eyes that he might gaze uponCopy !req
358. the horror he has wrought!Copy !req
359. And the confetti.Copy !req
360. - Well, that's that.
I gotta get to church.Copy !req
361. - The games are now complete.Copy !req
362. The winner is... her. Whoever she is.Copy !req
363. We thank the players for their efforts.Copy !req
364. - How the shmeck are we alive?Copy !req
365. - The machine can easily
bring people back to life.Copy !req
366. Did I not mention that either?Copy !req
367. - Farewell!Copy !req
368. - Well, that was the second
worst birthday party I ever had.Copy !req
369. All I ever wanted was for people
to believe I'm not a cheater.Copy !req
370. - We believe you, Fry.Copy !req
371. - Yeah, seeing as how that
old lady killed you so easy.Copy !req
372. - He went down like a sack of shoes.Copy !req
373. - I sure did. Thank you, everybody.Copy !req
374. - Group hug. Come on! Group hug!Copy !req
375. - Eh, you really think
a games party is a good idea?Copy !req
376. I mean, Phil's not much of a competitor.Copy !req
377. - Yeah, I know.
He still can't work a zipper.Copy !req
378. But, he's my son, and I love him,Copy !req
379. and I wanna give him a birthdayCopy !req
380. that'll leave him feeling
like a winner for once.Copy !req