1. Congratulations,Copy !req
2. fellow citizens!Copy !req
3. 3023 will go down in historyCopy !req
4. as the year we triumphed over COVID-19!Copy !req
5. We interrupt the
triumph over COVID-19Copy !req
6. for a special report. A new virus—Copy !req
7. Oh, for Pete's sake.Copy !req
8. A new virus dubbed EXPLOVID-23Copy !req
9. has broken out among the mutantsCopy !req
10. who dwell beneath New New York.Copy !req
11. Symptoms include blinding,
uncontrollable anger!Copy !req
12. As well as a mild cough,
which I don't have. I'm fine.Copy !req
13. A complete travel ban
to and from the sewersCopy !req
14. is being enforced by the city's
fattest police officers.Copy !req
15. Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad! Love ya!Copy !req
16. Feh. Always with the love.Copy !req
17. We already hugged you.
Now, we gotta talk about it?Copy !req
18. Sorry I'm late... What?Copy !req
19. Let's move, you sofa snails!
We've got a delivery!Copy !req
20. And now, I'm proud to presentCopy !req
21. the city's highest award,Copy !req
22. the key to the Times Square
liquor cabinet,Copy !req
23. to the super spreader of truth himself,Copy !req
24. Bill Nye, the Science Head!Copy !req
25. Congratulations, Mr. Science.Copy !req
26. Lemme just bend that mic for you.Copy !req
27. Thank you for thisCopy !req
28. tremendously dubious honor.Copy !req
29. After what seemed like
1,000 years of COVID...Copy !req
30. But, was actually more!Copy !req
31. I declare the pandemic
to be officially over.Copy !req
32. Ugh. Watch where ya's coughin', bow tie!Copy !req
33. Ow-zers!Copy !req
34. For crying out loud!Copy !req
35. I'm using the principles of aerodynamicsCopy !req
36. to get the hell outta here!Copy !req
37. Do it again!Copy !req
38. An anger pandemic?Copy !req
39. Not to point fingers,
but Leela's spreading it.Copy !req
40. I am not, you jerks!Copy !req
41. I'm just running a couple degreesCopy !req
42. angrier than normal.Copy !req
43. Good news, infecter-inos!Copy !req
44. I've developed a test
to see who's got the virusCopy !req
45. and who's just naturally mean.Copy !req
46. You simply jam this Q-tip up your nose...Copy !req
47. way, way up your nose,Copy !req
48. and collect a brain matter sample.Copy !req
49. That looks kinda fun.Copy !req
50. I can't wait to do it hundreds of times!Copy !req
51. Now, we wait for a line to appearCopy !req
52. under the two control dots.Copy !req
53. If the line curves up, you're fine.Copy !req
54. Huzzah!Copy !req
55. Here goes nothing.Copy !req
56. This can't be right, Professor!Copy !req
57. Your test stinks,
and so does your ugly face!Copy !req
58. Oh no! She's got it!Copy !req
59. Quarantine her in the angry dome!Copy !req
60. Stupid, stinkin', lousy,
no good, son of a—Copy !req
61. While we don't yet know
how the virus spreads,Copy !req
62. we do know it's anger-based.Copy !req
63. I am therefore issuing an executive arooCopy !req
64. that everyone wear a mask over their earsCopy !req
65. to prevent the transmission
of upsetting remarks.Copy !req
66. Agnew! Come!Copy !req
67. Mr. President, how could this
possibly be of the slightest—Copy !req
68. Thanks, fellas.Copy !req
69. Since I don't hear any questions,Copy !req
70. this prrress conference is adjourned!Copy !req
71. Out of an abundance of caution,Copy !req
72. all work will hence forth go remoteCopy !req
73. using a new app called Gloom.Copy !req
74. In some ways,Copy !req
75. it will be better.Copy !req
76. Especially for those of us with families.Copy !req
77. Dwight, stop Gloom-bombing
your dad's meeting!Copy !req
78. And put on some britches!Copy !req
79. Hey, LaBarbara.Copy !req
80. How's your grandma? She improvin'?Copy !req
81. Yeah, she doing alright.Copy !req
82. Give her my best.Copy !req
83. I'm having trouble with my—Copy !req
84. Anybody hear—Copy !req
85. - Wi-Fi issues— hungry.Copy !req
86. Bender, you idiot!Copy !req
87. Do you have to eat those now!Copy !req
88. I don't have to eat anything ever.Copy !req
89. I'm warning you!Copy !req
90. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
91. Hi... yah!Copy !req
92. Wow, this technology's come a long way.Copy !req
93. I actually like working on Gloom.Copy !req
94. These hair filters save a ton of time.Copy !req
95. - Uh-wha...
- Professor, you're a teddy bear!Copy !req
96. I assure you I am not.Copy !req
97. Aw...Copy !req
98. Is this the Gloom roomCopy !req
99. where I can refill my prescriptions?Copy !req
100. No! This is a delivery company!Copy !req
101. Can you deliver my prescriptions?Copy !req
102. We could, but we won't!Copy !req
103. Oh, this is a dismal failure.Copy !req
104. Everyone report to the office in person.Copy !req
105. But, Professor! That is a violationCopy !req
106. of health and safety standards.Copy !req
107. Everything we do is a violationCopy !req
108. of health and safety standards!Copy !req
109. Just wear a mask!Copy !req
110. We are dealing
with a highly contagious virus,Copy !req
111. so we'll need to practice hygiene theater.Copy !req
112. You know, I heard there'sCopy !req
113. not really even a virus at all.Copy !req
114. It's just a big hoax,
like the moon landing.Copy !req
115. You were on the moon last week!Copy !req
116. You grew up on Mars!Copy !req
117. That's what they want you to think!Copy !req
118. Ugh. Enough with
the conspiracy theories, people!Copy !req
119. Let's look at the facts.Copy !req
120. Irrational rage,Copy !req
121. spread through saliva and spit,Copy !req
122. constant angry moaning.Copy !req
123. It's all the classic symptoms...Copy !req
124. of zombie-ism!Copy !req
125. That's completely unscientific, Hermes.Copy !req
126. EXPLOVID victimsCopy !req
127. move at way too normalCopy !req
128. a speed to be zombies.Copy !req
129. There are all speeds
of zombies out there!Copy !req
130. Fast ones. Slow ones. Brisk shufflers.Copy !req
131. But, the cure is always the same.Copy !req
132. - Voodoo.
- Balderdash!Copy !req
133. People stopped believing in
voodoo back in Fry's time.Copy !req
134. But, voodoo didn't
stop believing in them.Copy !req
135. Voodoo may not be well understood,Copy !req
136. but it gets results.Copy !req
137. You know what else gets results?Copy !req
138. Public ridicule.Copy !req
139. And yet, there are zombies.Copy !req
140. Oh shoot.Copy !req
141. I forgot to pick up a goat!Copy !req
142. Dwight, go across the hallCopy !req
143. and borrow goat from Mrs. Wilson.Copy !req
144. Pack your bags.
We are going to New New Orleans.Copy !req
145. For Mardi Gras?Copy !req
146. No. Well, I mean,Copy !req
147. it happens to be Mardi Gras,Copy !req
148. but that's beside the point!Copy !req
149. I believe there are people thereCopy !req
150. who could defeat this virus with...Copy !req
151. voodoo.Copy !req
152. Dwight, go to your room right now!Copy !req
153. You are messin' with powers
you don't understand, husband.Copy !req
154. - But, I do!
- Then come with me, woman!Copy !req
155. You must listen to meCopy !req
156. 'cause I grew up in a voodoo family,Copy !req
157. and zombie-ism killed my father!Copy !req
158. Then brought him back to life!Copy !req
159. Me don't want anymore
to do with that world.Copy !req
160. Then I'll have to seek outCopy !req
161. these practitioners of
the dark arts on my own.Copy !req
162. Hopefully, they are near that placeCopy !req
163. with the good beignets.Copy !req
164. Be very careful, husband,Copy !req
165. and promise me one thing. If you survive,Copy !req
166. you gonna bring me back
some of them beignets!Copy !req
167. What? It's my emotional support gun.Copy !req
168. Which section, sir? Business or fighting?Copy !req
169. - Uh, the first one.
- Right this way.Copy !req
170. - Hand sanitizer?
- No thanks.Copy !req
171. Eh, more for me.Copy !req
172. Ma'am? Ma'am?Copy !req
173. Please don't jam your husbandCopy !req
174. into the overhead bin.Copy !req
175. Don't you tell my wifeCopy !req
176. how to jam me into things!Copy !req
177. I know my rights.Copy !req
178. I'm recording you!Copy !req
179. And I'm recording youCopy !req
180. for recording him without permission!Copy !req
181. As your mayor, I'm proud to announceCopy !req
182. that our city's most prominent eggheadCopy !req
183. has developed a vaccine that will endCopy !req
184. my terrible poll numbers once and for all!Copy !req
185. Quite so.Copy !req
186. Thanks to cutting edge RNA technology,Copy !req
187. my vaccine is as potent as it is untested.Copy !req
188. Ha! My essentially identical vaccineCopy !req
189. is far superior!Copy !req
190. Wernstrom.Copy !req
191. - It's a two-shot regimen.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
192. Well, mine's three,Copy !req
193. and it makes your shouldersCopy !req
194. sore for a month!Copy !req
195. Mine makes your armCopy !req
196. shrivel and fall off!Copy !req
197. Big deal! Mine comes with a futuristic wayCopy !req
198. of knowing exactly who's been vaccinatedCopy !req
199. and who hasn't,Copy !req
200. A small scrapCopy !req
201. of easily-lost paper.Copy !req
202. I made your favorite, Leela.Copy !req
203. Chicken-shaped steak!Copy !req
204. "Wow, this is great Fry!"Copy !req
205. Is what I'd say if this
pan sauce weren't so bland!Copy !req
206. Yeah, well, I know that's
just the virus talking.Copy !req
207. How's the cream pie?Copy !req
208. Scoop Chang,Copy !req
209. New New Yorker Crossword Puzzle editor,Copy !req
210. Smartwatch Edition.Copy !req
211. Dr. Wernstrom,Copy !req
212. what do you say to reportsCopy !req
213. your vaccine has the side effectCopy !req
214. of magnetism?Copy !req
215. That's a feature, not a bug.Copy !req
216. Linda, Morbo and Linda.Copy !req
217. According to an anonymous internet post,Copy !req
218. your anti-anger vaccine causes sterility.Copy !req
219. - Care to comment?
- The sterility is essential!Copy !req
220. Studies show that kids are
what make people angriest!Copy !req
221. Everyone hates kids!Copy !req
222. Am I the only journalist hereCopy !req
223. who even bothered to bring my own facts?Copy !req
224. Dr. Banjo!Copy !req
225. Yes, the Dr. BanjoCopy !req
226. of The Dr. Banjo Experience
Podcast Experience Hour.Copy !req
227. Professor Farnsworth,Copy !req
228. how do you respond to rumors I'm startingCopy !req
229. that there are 5G chips in your vaccine?Copy !req
230. I would simply reassure youCopy !req
231. that the 5G chips are safeCopy !req
232. and purely for surveillance purposes.Copy !req
233. Dear God!Copy !req
234. But, that's how it works!Copy !req
235. The 5G chips track the virus particles,Copy !req
236. so the space lasers can shoot them.Copy !req
237. Keep that quackery away from me!Copy !req
238. May I take your tray, ma'am?Copy !req
239. No, you may not take my dang tray!Copy !req
240. Ow! Why do we have to serve shish kabob?Copy !req
241. Hey, don't make me come back there!Copy !req
242. - Sir, please go back to your seat.
- I'm the captain!Copy !req
243. Don't you pull rank with me, flyboy!Copy !req
244. Sit your tushy down, and drive this thing.Copy !req
245. Tushy my ass!Copy !req
246. This is the captain speaking.Copy !req
247. Passengers fighting in
the window seats will noticeCopy !req
248. we're careening past
scenic Lake Pontchartrain.Copy !req
249. Help... I can't move my legs...Copy !req
250. Ooh! I smell gumbo!Copy !req
251. Hello, madam. Is this the Voodoo HQ?Copy !req
252. Shh. You do voodoo?Copy !req
253. You misconstrue.Copy !req
254. Who do voodoo at the HQ?Copy !req
255. Entendu.Copy !req
256. But, such information won't come cheap.Copy !req
257. I found this quarter outside.Copy !req
258. Don't worry.
I wiped off most of the vomit.Copy !req
259. Then let us consult the tarot.Copy !req
260. The Key of Bones,Copy !req
261. the Hanging Man,Copy !req
262. the Man Being Crushed by a Big Beignet,Copy !req
263. and the Man Being Beaten
by the Saints Mascot.Copy !req
264. Which path do you choose?Copy !req
265. Hm.Copy !req
266. What's in that pot under the hanging guy?Copy !req
267. Boiling gumbo.Copy !req
268. I'll start with the gumbo.Copy !req
269. Hit me.Copy !req
270. Bam!Copy !req
271. Mm. Kinda mild.Copy !req
272. Guess I'll try this one instead.Copy !req
273. This damned pandemic would be overCopy !req
274. if only people would take my vaccine.Copy !req
275. Why is everyone but me so stupid!Copy !req
276. Splah. Because everyone
but you uses social media!Copy !req
277. These vaccine fascistsCopy !req
278. are taking away our freedom!Copy !req
279. I might as well be in a cage at the zoo,Copy !req
280. like my aunt!Copy !req
281. This confounded mask
is destroying my lungs.Copy !req
282. All this misinformation on FacebagCopy !req
283. is tearing us apart.
I wonder who's posting it.Copy !req
284. What else should I post, Dad?Copy !req
285. Who cares? The crazier the better.Copy !req
286. Tell 'em worm medicine helps!Copy !req
287. Those poor, easily manipulated fools.Copy !req
288. Soon, our time to invade will draw near!Copy !req
289. Sounds fun.Copy !req
290. I'll pack my scream-canceling headphones.Copy !req
291. Lousy, rotten, tiny angry dome!Copy !req
292. Leela? I'm really sorry.Copy !req
293. I tried shoving these
flowers where you said,Copy !req
294. but I just couldn't manage it.
Please take them.Copy !req
295. Don't come any closer, you dope!Copy !req
296. You'll get sick and probably beat up.Copy !req
297. I don't care.Copy !req
298. I can't stand being apart any longer!Copy !req
299. I'm coming in.Copy !req
300. That fortune teller must have been
jerking my chicken!Copy !req
301. There's nothing here!Copy !req
302. Nothing but us bones, mon ami.Copy !req
303. Sweet andouille of St. Louis!Copy !req
304. A robot made of bones!Copy !req
305. Je m'appelle Bonebot.Copy !req
306. Been bones-keepin' this boneyardCopy !req
307. for three bone-red years.Copy !req
308. Oh good! Because I am
on a bone-related errand.Copy !req
309. I'm looking for a secret
bone key to the Voodoo HQ.Copy !req
310. Huh. I ain't never seen no bone key.Copy !req
311. Have you checked that
prominently displayed skull?Copy !req
312. Well, huh. Guess I never reallyCopy !req
313. done looked 'round the place.Copy !req
314. Probably 'cause I got no eyes.Copy !req
315. Come on! I'll give you a ride.Copy !req
316. Go on and git from here, gar fish!Copy !req
317. That eighth bowl of gumbo
may have been a mistake.Copy !req
318. No amount of gumbo's a mistake, mon ami.Copy !req
319. Water's always choppy in there here partsCopy !req
320. on account of the force field levees.Copy !req
321. Y'all see a dugong from Macon,
run 'em down!Copy !req
322. He absconded with my daughter's dowry.Copy !req
323. This place gimme the heebie-jeebies,Copy !req
324. and not the boogie woogie kind!Copy !req
325. You're literally made of bones!Copy !req
326. And I aim to keep it that way!Copy !req
327. Bon voyage!Copy !req
328. Wh-Who goes there?Copy !req
329. Barbados Slim!Copy !req
330. People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.Copy !req
331. Come in, Hermes!Copy !req
332. Make yourself feel inadequate.Copy !req
333. Tonight, Earth is under attack.Copy !req
334. Alien invaders have taken advantageCopy !req
335. of our planet's internal divisionsCopy !req
336. to launch an all-out assault.Copy !req
337. Die, you disgusting freak!Copy !req
338. I just hope I kill
you before those invaders do.Copy !req
339. All hope is lost. Morbo?Copy !req
340. They must be destroyed!Copy !req
341. Both sides must be destroyed!Copy !req
342. I am so sick of you!Copy !req
343. Help!Copy !req
344. You're the head of the Voodoo HQ?Copy !req
345. - I can't believe it!
- Believe it, man.Copy !req
346. Me studied with the best of the best.Copy !req
347. She goes by the name of...Copy !req
348. LaBarbara.Copy !req
349. And she was good at voodoo, too.Copy !req
350. You stay away from her!
She's married to me now!Copy !req
351. You two are mostly ancient history.Copy !req
352. History has a way
of repeating itself, brother.Copy !req
353. Now, what brings you here?Copy !req
354. The virus. I believe voodooCopy !req
355. might be the only thing that can fight it.Copy !req
356. Well, that much is obvious.Copy !req
357. I thought it might be
a form of demonic possession,Copy !req
358. but the tests came back negative.Copy !req
359. But, consider this.Copy !req
360. My theory is the virus
is a type of zombie-ism!Copy !req
361. Sweet potatoes of Barbados!Copy !req
362. You don't see a lot of angry,
shouting zombies,Copy !req
363. but it would explain a lot.Copy !req
364. Hermes, you may have cracked this coconut.Copy !req
365. Stop naming foods! Getting hungry again.Copy !req
366. Sadly, curing zombie-ism
is the kind of voodooCopy !req
367. I don't do.Copy !req
368. There's only one person
with that expertise,Copy !req
369. and I'm afraid—Copy !req
370. Afraid she might be too sexually attractedCopy !req
371. to you to think straight?Copy !req
372. Well, you're mostly right.Copy !req
373. LaBarbara!Copy !req
374. Hermes, I couldn't let you do this alone.Copy !req
375. You were brave to come here,
and I love you.Copy !req
376. Well, hello, Barbados.Copy !req
377. But, how did you find us here?Copy !req
378. And why do you have
a key to Barbados' place?Copy !req
379. Eh, that's not important.Copy !req
380. I've also got a key to your place.Copy !req
381. Also not important.Copy !req
382. Come! Follow me to the inner sanctum.Copy !req
383. What darkCopy !req
384. well-lit sorcery is this?Copy !req
385. People of Earth! I am Lrrr,Copy !req
386. ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!Copy !req
387. Excuse me.Copy !req
388. I shall rule mercilessly
over your weak and divided—Copy !req
389. That's odd. I've never sneezed before.Copy !req
390. I don't even have a nose.Copy !req
391. Me neither.Copy !req
392. Stop interrupting meCopy !req
393. while I'm trying to dominate these people!Copy !req
394. You couldn't dominate a bowl of fudge!Copy !req
395. Although you sure try!Copy !req
396. - Oh yeah?
- Oh!Copy !req
397. It's better than that flavor-free dessertCopy !req
398. that you serve.
Is that right?Copy !req
399. Oh, it's just as I feared.Copy !req
400. The virus has mutated
with Omicronium NDNDNA.Copy !req
401. It's a highly contagious Omicron variant.Copy !req
402. You're a contagious variant!Copy !req
403. Go back where you came from,Copy !req
404. you Omi-clods.Copy !req
405. Everyone is so angry.Copy !req
406. Especially me!Copy !req
407. Ow! My schnookus!Copy !req
408. Kill all humans! Kill all humans!Copy !req
409. Can robots even get the virus?Copy !req
410. What virus?Copy !req
411. Now, the key is to produce a voodoo potionCopy !req
412. that tricks the body into
thinking it has the virus,Copy !req
413. but without actually getting the disease.Copy !req
414. Aha! So, the immune system
falls under its spellCopy !req
415. and produces anti-jujus
that attack the spike protein,Copy !req
416. thus inoculating against future infection.Copy !req
417. Precisely.Copy !req
418. You got some serious mental pecs, husband.Copy !req
419. My second favorite kind.Copy !req
420. Hey, cut that out!Copy !req
421. Why didn't I get a wink
for my mental pecs?Copy !req
422. Now, we gonna needCopy !req
423. an animal sacrifice.Copy !req
424. I-I mean, um, test subject.Copy !req
425. Not me. I'm too angry!Copy !req
426. Don't worry, man.Copy !req
427. The doll won't feel a thing.Copy !req
428. Ow! My calculator arm!Copy !req
429. I just hope it's got the mojoCopy !req
430. to defeat this anger virus.Copy !req
431. Come, let's run a test.Copy !req
432. Hm. I just feel a normal,
easy to repress rage.Copy !req
433. Then, perhaps we should test it
a bit more thoroughly.Copy !req
434. That's enough testing!Copy !req
435. Voodoo shots!Copy !req
436. Freshly conjured voodoo shots!Copy !req
437. Ow!Copy !req
438. Can you assure me there is absolutelyCopy !req
439. no science in this vaccine?Copy !req
440. Nothing but 100% Louisiana swamp voodoo.Copy !req
441. Ouchie!Copy !req
442. I was, uh, promised a lollipop.Copy !req
443. Uh, here.Copy !req
444. Mm, tastes a bit like wig glue.Copy !req
445. What a bunch of mumbo gumbo!Copy !req
446. Anything I can't understand is fake!Copy !req
447. Ooh!Copy !req
448. Ahh, that's better.Copy !req
449. Hermes, my friend.Copy !req
450. I owe you an apology
for being so anti-voodoo.Copy !req
451. It may seem bat-whack crazy to a layman,Copy !req
452. but I see now that voodoo methodsCopy !req
453. are built on centuries
of brilliant scholarship.Copy !req
454. It's okay, Professor.
And it's understandable.Copy !req
455. After all, any sufficiently advanced magicCopy !req
456. is indistinguishable from science.Copy !req
457. Ahh yeah...Copy !req