1. Aw. He's using his jacketCopy !req
2. as some kind of security blanket.Copy !req
3. That's so cute and pathetic.Copy !req
4. It really is. You do you, weirdo!Copy !req
5. Oh, hey, guys.
I'm just sucking on my jacket.Copy !req
6. A Clump-O-Honey candy
got stuck right thereCopy !req
7. over a thousand years ago,
and I can still taste it.Copy !req
8. You know who I bet
would like some of that?Copy !req
9. Me! Zoidberg.Copy !req
10. Oh, no!Copy !req
11. Zoidberg, you residue hog!Copy !req
12. Now all I taste is crab juice.Copy !req
13. So, buy another jacket candy.Copy !req
14. I can't. They stopped making itCopy !req
15. after it got reclassified
as industrial glue.Copy !req
16. Ah. Then I, Bender,
will recreate the recipe.Copy !req
17. Don't forget, I came in third
on MasterChef Junior.Copy !req
18. May I have a taste?Copy !req
19. Sure. You seem like the kind
of guy who has a mouth.Copy !req
20. Whoa! Diabetic coma!Copy !req
21. Hm. I better add some sugar
to make it less sweet.Copy !req
22. And just a touch of treacleCopy !req
23. to remind me of my dear
departed Aunt Juanita.Copy !req
24. She drowned in treacle.Copy !req
25. You know I'm dying on the floor.Copy !req
26. Mm. Yum.Copy !req
27. So, what do you think?Copy !req
28. Mm! It's perfect, Bender.
Totally jacket worthy.Copy !req
29. It's a little sticky.Copy !req
30. It's a lot sticky!Copy !req
31. And there's something hard in it.Copy !req
32. Luckily, I'm an expert
at fixing human beak bones.Copy !req
33. Are you free Friday
for an expensive appointment?Copy !req
34. Let me check. Open calendar!Copy !req
35. Shmeird. There's some old alertCopy !req
36. I set up 20 years ago.Copy !req
37. Our babies?Copy !req
38. It's time, my love.Copy !req
39. Oh, Kif!Copy !req
40. The hell are you talking about?Copy !req
41. Something to do
with the meatbag life cycle?Copy !req
42. That's right, Bender. Many years ago,Copy !req
43. I gave birth to a clutch of tadpolesCopy !req
44. with Amy by my side.Copy !req
45. I have video of the birth. Wanna see it?Copy !req
46. No!Copy !req
47. That is the wrong kind of delivery!Copy !req
48. Oh, Nelly! Oh!Copy !req
49. Life is disgusting.Copy !req
50. No, it was beautiful.Copy !req
51. But I was so not prepared to be a mother.Copy !req
52. In 20 years, they'll sprout legsCopy !req
53. and crawl back onto land as children.Copy !req
54. I'll be ready then.Copy !req
55. Well, Amy, are you ready now?Copy !req
56. Having a family with youCopy !req
57. is the only thing
I want in the whole world.Copy !req
58. Then can I have your car?
- No!Copy !req
59. Too late. I already crashed it.Copy !req
60. Oh, this is so exciting!Copy !req
61. The birth ceremony will begin any minute.Copy !req
62. Thanks for the warning.Copy !req
63. And don't describe it to me!Copy !req
64. We're here!
- Mom! Dad!Copy !req
65. Oh, I'm so glad you made it!Copy !req
66. Oh, we wouldn't miss the birth
of our grandbabiesCopy !req
67. for a million dollars.Copy !req
68. 'Cause we're so rich, that's like a penny.Copy !req
69. Oh, my. It's the Grand Midwife.Copy !req
70. I am the Grand Midwife!Copy !req
71. Big fan!Copy !req
72. I am Kif of the clan Kroker.Copy !req
73. I know. I recognize your head.Copy !req
74. And this is my smizmar, Amy.Copy !req
75. We have come to receive our offspring.Copy !req
76. As you transition to parenthood,Copy !req
77. I shall be your counsel and guide.Copy !req
78. I do so out of solemn respect
for our traditionsCopy !req
79. and not for any optional cash donationCopy !req
80. people sometimes place in that basket.Copy !req
81. - Thank you.
- It's green,Copy !req
82. and there's a little sign on it.Copy !req
83. Found it!Copy !req
84. Then the Emergence shall now commence!Copy !req
85. Or not. It's unpredictable.Copy !req
86. Guess I'll have to wing it.
Anybody here from out of town?Copy !req
87. O-oh! Here they come.Copy !req
88. Oh my. I'm so anxious,Copy !req
89. my camouflage reflex is kicking in.Copy !req
90. No, it's helpful.Copy !req
91. I wanna look cute
for our hundreds of kids.Copy !req
92. We shall now stand by,
without interfering,Copy !req
93. as we observe the sacred process
known as...Copy !req
94. the Winnowing.Copy !req
95. What's that mean?Copy !req
96. It means don't start naming them yet.Copy !req
97. Four of them made it!Copy !req
98. Well, three and a half.Copy !req
99. Young creatures of the Black Lagoon,Copy !req
100. go now to your parents.Copy !req
101. Uh, can I help you?Copy !req
102. Over here!Copy !req
103. They're perfect.Copy !req
104. Ew. She's touching them.Copy !req
105. Cherish these children, Kif and Amy,Copy !req
106. for they are beautiful.Copy !req
107. Eh...Copy !req
108. Well, in-in the sense thatCopy !req
109. all children are beautiful.Copy !req
110. The transformation is complete!Copy !req
111. We welcome these new beings of the land.Copy !req
112. They can call me Captain Uncle.Copy !req
113. Uh, I'll go dispose of this medical waste.Copy !req
114. With a little butter and lemon.Copy !req
115. - Want a picture with the kids?
- No need.Copy !req
116. The way they look is burned into my mind.Copy !req
117. They're nice, you know?
Just a kinda little—Copy !req
118. Super gross.Copy !req
119. But, you're finally grandparents.Copy !req
120. That'll be our little secret.Copy !req
121. Oh my.Copy !req
122. Thanks for bringing the kids by
for my lunch break.Copy !req
123. They're the sweetest thing on the menu.Copy !req
124. Not even close!Copy !req
125. Uh, question.Copy !req
126. These three babies
are totally different sizes.Copy !req
127. Question mark.Copy !req
128. Oh, well, they grew at varying ratesCopy !req
129. depending on the temperature
of the water they were in.Copy !req
130. Little Newt here was in a cold, deep area.Copy !req
131. - Mama!
- Wrong again.Copy !req
132. Mandy is from the temperate middle depths.Copy !req
133. He's shrively!Copy !req
134. You haven't seen the half of it.Copy !req
135. And Axl is from the warm shallows,Copy !req
136. just like his old man.Copy !req
137. Do you always
have to talk about me?Copy !req
138. So why does this one keep calling me Mama?Copy !req
139. And what's with the big weird eye?Copy !req
140. It's not weird. It looks like yours.Copy !req
141. It's pretty weird.Copy !req
142. Why would he look like me?Copy !req
143. Don't you remember?Copy !req
144. Twenty years ago, you impregnated Kif.Copy !req
145. Seriously? Oh, my God.Copy !req
146. I must have been super drunk.Copy !req
147. Leela, you bone brain!
You didn't have sex.Copy !req
148. Bone.Copy !req
149. Luckily, there's an educational movieCopy !req
150. that explains how
Kif's species reproduces.Copy !req
151. And it's filthy.Copy !req
152. YowzaVision Educational FilmsCopy !req
153. presents Sex Across The Universe.Copy !req
154. Oh, yeah! Educate me, baby.Copy !req
155. This week, the Amphibiosans.Copy !req
156. For every organism across the universe,Copy !req
157. reproduction is a steamy, erotic process.Copy !req
158. Except the Amphibiosans.Copy !req
159. They just barely touch handsCopy !req
160. while the rest of us are gettin' it on.Copy !req
161. Yowza.Copy !req
162. Eh, that was pretty hot.Copy !req
163. So, you see, Amy was my smizmar,Copy !req
164. the one whose mere presence
made me receptive to pregnancy.Copy !req
165. Which makes me their smizmama.Copy !req
166. But it was Lila who contributed the DNACopy !req
167. when she accidentally touched Kif's hand.Copy !req
168. Are you sure I wasn't drunk?Copy !req
169. I-I mean, I'm drunk now.Copy !req
170. Mwah!Copy !req
171. Ew! Mom, Dad!Copy !req
172. Leela!Copy !req
173. Let's reinflate my head and go home.Copy !req
174. Yeah. Maybe they'll conk out
and we'll get a little us time.Copy !req
175. Those little guys are the best,Copy !req
176. but they're a lot.Copy !req
177. Well, luckily, there's
two of us to split the work.Copy !req
178. Captain Brannigan! At your service, sir.Copy !req
179. With ease, Lieutenant.Copy !req
180. I have a bit of news to say at you.Copy !req
181. Is it about the baby giftsCopy !req
182. you claim you sent?
Because we still haven't—Copy !req
183. I'm afraid there's no time to discussCopy !req
184. the many presents I bought,
some of which are large.Copy !req
185. Soldier, you are ordered
to report for duty.Copy !req
186. - Is it war?
- I hope so, but we're not sure.Copy !req
187. All we know is that DOOP
has lost radio contactCopy !req
188. with a remote outpost in Ursa Major.Copy !req
189. Over and under.Copy !req
190. I'm sorry you'll have
to handle the kids alone.Copy !req
191. I'm not worried.Copy !req
192. I love you!Copy !req
193. Roll call!Copy !req
194. "Four eyes."One-eye."Crab man."Copy !req
195. "Can man."Who cares?"Copy !req
196. Dammit! Where's Amy?Copy !req
197. What do I need, a bigger antler?Copy !req
198. Oh, I'm so, so sorry.Copy !req
199. The babysitter didn't show up.Copy !req
200. Ah!Copy !req
201. - Finally. Where are you?
- Sorry, toots.Copy !req
202. I must have the address wrong.Copy !req
203. 784 West 28th Street?Copy !req
204. Uh-huh. Weird, th-that's what I got.Copy !req
205. Oh, Earth! Ah!Copy !req
206. Coulda swore you said Kepler 10B.Copy !req
207. Guess I'll catch the next
generation ship back to Nutley.Copy !req
208. Oh...Copy !req
209. Mom, Mom, Mom! Can you judge
our whispering contest?Copy !req
210. Okay. You ready?Copy !req
211. I lose!Copy !req
212. Oh, come on! Oh—Copy !req
213. Look at me, chugging
mineral water on a weeknight!Copy !req
214. So wild and free!Copy !req
215. I miss them so.Copy !req
216. I feel you, soldier.Copy !req
217. And not in a handsy way this time.Copy !req
218. Mm.Copy !req
219. Sticky...Copy !req
220. Bring a bowl of these candies
to my quartersCopy !req
221. when you're done crying.Copy !req
222. Thanks for offering
to watch the kids, Leela.Copy !req
223. I need a break so bad. You have no idea.Copy !req
224. No, it's clear you're a wreck,
and I get it.Copy !req
225. They're a nightmare.Copy !req
226. A-A sweet, adorable nightmare.Copy !req
227. That's fair. Kids!Copy !req
228. Mommy's gonna go nap-nap.Copy !req
229. Don't be scared of Leela. She's very—Copy !req
230. Yay! Mommy Leela!Copy !req
231. Cowabunga, dude!Copy !req
232. The Clump-O-Honeys
you requested, Capt— Oh jeez.Copy !req
233. - If there's nothing further, I will—
- Oh no, you willn't.Copy !req
234. These delicious Clumps
aren't for eating. Mm!Copy !req
235. Mm...Copy !req
236. They're for manscaping.Copy !req
237. Manscape me, Kif. That's an order.Copy !req
238. Owooga!Copy !req
239. Ooh!
- Whoa! What's that?Copy !req
240. I never saw one of those before,Copy !req
241. and I was born, like, four days ago.Copy !req
242. It's a ship loader.
Any hyperactive kids hereCopy !req
243. up for a nice, exhausting treadmill race?Copy !req
244. Oh wow! Cool! I mean, cool.Copy !req
245. God, I hope this works.Copy !req
246. Approaching the outpost, sir.Copy !req
247. Still no response on any frequency.Copy !req
248. My God.Copy !req
249. What the hell happened down there?Copy !req
250. It looks like the whole planet
has psoriasis.Copy !req
251. You're looking at the back
of my head, sir.Copy !req
252. Welcome to Exobiology Station 38.Copy !req
253. Dammit! I'm outta laser!Copy !req
254. Um, hello, sir. Is this outpost secure?Copy !req
255. The DOOP hasn't received
any response from you in months.Copy !req
256. Oh, yeah. Transmitter got
ripped up by bears.Copy !req
257. That's what we study here. Bears.Copy !req
258. I'm a bear biologist.Copy !req
259. Sounds like a fun job that pays bad.Copy !req
260. I used to be a whale biologist,Copy !req
261. but I hate whales.Copy !req
262. Hate them.Copy !req
263. Well, then it's good you found
an animal you like.Copy !req
264. Nope. Still looking.Copy !req
265. This bear speciesCopy !req
266. is known as tardigrades.Copy !req
267. It's a fancy word for ugly.Copy !req
268. Oh, shut up, you stupid bear!Copy !req
269. They're also stupid, by the way.Copy !req
270. I discovered that. Bear biologist.Copy !req
271. I fixed the transmitter.Copy !req
272. Now, may I please head home to my family?Copy !req
273. Without delay. But first,Copy !req
274. candy break?Copy !req
275. Are you bat crackers?Copy !req
276. If they smell human food,
they go bat crackers!Copy !req
277. It seems they recognize
a fellow apex predator.Copy !req
278. Well, four can play at that game.Copy !req
279. Kif! Help!Copy !req
280. Let's go! Faster! Faster!Copy !req
281. Go, horseface, go!Copy !req
282. Neigh!Copy !req
283. Now, buy us ice cream!Copy !req
284. Rum raisin tastes just like caterpillars!Copy !req
285. We love you, Leela.Copy !req
286. Aw, hell no! You're not the mom of them!Copy !req
287. - What?
- Are you done spoiling my kids rottenCopy !req
288. so they'll love you more?Copy !req
289. I'm just a beaten-down horse.Copy !req
290. Well, you can trot back to the barn now!Copy !req
291. Kif's coming home soon,
and you are not their mom!Copy !req
292. Uh, actually, I sort of am.Copy !req
293. Go on! Git! Hyah!Copy !req
294. Oh God, they're nuzzling me!Copy !req
295. Hello?Copy !req
296. Please come home, Kiffy!Copy !req
297. The kids like Leela more than me,Copy !req
298. and it really hurts.Copy !req
299. I'm the worst mom ever.Copy !req
300. Except for my own mom.Copy !req
301. Stop licking my velour!
It's dry clean only!Copy !req
302. Amy, darling, the children love you.Copy !req
303. And I love you.Copy !req
304. And stay away from my scrotums!Copy !req
305. You're their mother,
and you always will be.Copy !req
306. Nothing can change that.Copy !req
307. Amy Wong, a challenge has been filedCopy !req
308. for the motherhood of these children.Copy !req
309. No...Copy !req
310. Amy?
Amy, I'm coming home, I swear.Copy !req
311. I have to leave right now, sir!Copy !req
312. No, Kif! The DOOP
never leaves a man behind!Copy !req
313. Not when I'm the man!Copy !req
314. Alright, bears.
Daddy's coming to tuck you in...Copy !req
315. to your graves.Copy !req
316. I'll be out here.Copy !req
317. Nobody's taking my babies!Copy !req
318. They're everything to me!Copy !req
319. I appreciate your emotional
shouting in my ear hole,Copy !req
320. but I must interveneCopy !req
321. whenever parenthood
is called into question.Copy !req
322. Grand Midwife?Copy !req
323. Oh, drop the surprised act, Leela.Copy !req
324. - How could you do this?
- Do what?Copy !req
325. Suck the jelly out of
the jelly donuts with a straw?Copy !req
326. This jelly hound did not summon me.Copy !req
327. The challenge is automaticCopy !req
328. when tests show the smizmarCopy !req
329. contributed no DNA.Copy !req
330. The children inherited genesCopy !req
331. only from Kif and Leela,Copy !req
332. plus trace DNA from a certain Scruffy.Copy !req
333. Scruffy's stuff gets around.Copy !req
334. Should the challenge indicate
someone else is the mother,Copy !req
335. then that person...Copy !req
336. eh, or whatever...Copy !req
337. shall raise the children.Copy !req
338. But... But...Copy !req
339. You and Kif must be presentCopy !req
340. for the challenge tomorrow. Good day.Copy !req
341. Yeah, FYI,Copy !req
342. y-you've got a little jelly right there.Copy !req
343. Did somebody call an exterminator?Copy !req
344. It's been a blast.
Help me, Kif!Copy !req
345. They found the secret candy in my girdle!Copy !req
346. I'm a camouflaged killing machine.Copy !req
347. I'm...Copy !req
348. I'm sorry I got so jealous, Leela.Copy !req
349. - I just kinda lost it.
- It's okay.Copy !req
350. The bond parents feel
with their kids is intense...Copy !req
351. so I hear.Copy !req
352. I'm just proud I helpedCopy !req
353. you become a mom.Copy !req
354. I hope it works out for you tomorrow.Copy !req
355. And if it doesn't,Copy !req
356. I'm sure
you'll take good care of them.Copy !req
357. I refuse to die groveling.Copy !req
358. But I'm open to sniveling.Copy !req
359. Naked Kif,Copy !req
360. you saved my life!Copy !req
361. You have my undying loyalty.Copy !req
362. Eat Kif! He's boneless!Copy !req
363. This one's for Axl, Mandy,Copy !req
364. and little what's-his-name.Copy !req
365. I am the Grand Midwife from the other day,Copy !req
366. inquisitor for the challenge of Amy Wong.Copy !req
367. Amy, where is your smizmale?Copy !req
368. He isn't with me.Copy !req
369. Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame!Copy !req
370. There he is!Copy !req
371. Okay, but it doesn't lessen the shame.Copy !req
372. - Kif!
- Amy!Copy !req
373. MANDY/AXL: Daddy!Copy !req
374. I don't remember him.Copy !req
375. So, like, did you do war stuff?Copy !req
376. I did what a Daddy had to do.Copy !req
377. Bear number 23 was also stupid,Copy !req
378. fighting for scraps
while I dined on salmon tartare.Copy !req
379. None for you, losers!Copy !req
380. Oh!Copy !req
381. The challenge may play out
over days or weeksCopy !req
382. within the brutal confines
of the Inquisidome.Copy !req
383. Some call it a tiki hut.Copy !req
384. Leela's gonna watch you guys
while we're in there.Copy !req
385. And maybe a little longer.Copy !req
386. But whatever happens,Copy !req
387. you're going to be okay.Copy !req
388. You are, too.Copy !req
389. The challenge is a challenging challenge,Copy !req
390. dating from when our language
had few words.Copy !req
391. It will incorporate
a battery of genetic testsCopy !req
392. and a full neuropsychological
obstacle course,Copy !req
393. but it begins with a simple question.Copy !req
394. Amy Wong.Copy !req
395. Do you or do you not love those children?Copy !req
396. More than I knew I could love anything.Copy !req
397. Which is all that truly matters.Copy !req
398. The challenge is over.Copy !req
399. You are their motherCopy !req
400. and always will be.Copy !req
401. Oops! That wasn't supposed to happen.Copy !req
402. Cheap, lousy wall.Copy !req
403. Children! You may now come hug
your mother and father.Copy !req
404. For only a small additional fee.Copy !req
405. You're my favorite mommy.Copy !req
406. Who wants treacle?Copy !req
407. Strong stuff, huh?Copy !req