1. Item one... Duck!Copy !req
2. Cubert, you crapscallion!Copy !req
3. Why aren't you in school?Copy !req
4. I couldn't get past
the protestors.Copy !req
5. A bunch of smiling,
angry peopleCopy !req
6. were handing out
these anti-evolution flyers.Copy !req
7. Evolution is under attack
in our schools?Copy !req
8. To the Science Mobile!Copy !req
9. You mean the ship?
Yes. The Science Mobile!Copy !req
10. It's just that you've
never called it that
before, but okay.Copy !req
11. I don't understand evolution,Copy !req
12. and I have to protect my kids
from understanding it!Copy !req
13. We will not give in
to the thinkers!Copy !req
14. You people are as loud
as you are ignorant.Copy !req
15. Now, get back
on your turnip trucks
and go home!Copy !req
16. That is
an insultingly
accurate stereotype, sir!Copy !req
17. As a professor of science,Copy !req
18. I assure you that we did,
in fact, evolve
from filthy monkey-men!Copy !req
19. I cannot speak for you, sir,Copy !req
20. but my ancestors
were not monkeys.Copy !req
21. They were orangutans.Copy !req
22. Hard-working,
patriotic orangutans.Copy !req
23. Dr. Banjo?Copy !req
24. In the fur.Copy !req
25. And I remind you
that evolution is
merely a theory,Copy !req
26. like gravity,
or the shape of the Earth.Copy !req
27. Hey, Professor,
I'm a flying
spaghetti monster.Copy !req
28. You seriously believe
I'm descended from some
kind of flightless manicotti?Copy !req
29. Yes!
Oh, please.Copy !req
30. A far more logical
explanation isCopy !req
31. the undisprovable
science of Creatureism.Copy !req
32. All life was created
in its present form
7,000 years agoCopy !req
33. by a fantastical creature
from outer space!Copy !req
34. Bunk!
Oh!Copy !req
35. If your elitist East Coast
evolution is real,Copy !req
36. why has no one found
the missing linkCopy !req
37. between modern humans
and ancient apes?Copy !req
38. We did find it.Copy !req
39. It's called Homo erectus.Copy !req
40. Then you have proven
my case, sir,Copy !req
41. for no one has found
the link between apes
and this Homo erectus.Copy !req
42. Yes, they have!
It's called Homo habilis.Copy !req
43. Ah-ha!Copy !req
44. But no one has found
the missing linkCopy !req
45. between ape
and this so-called
Homo habilis.Copy !req
46. Yes, they have!Copy !req
47. It's called
Australopithecus africanus!Copy !req
48. Oh-ho! I've got you now.Copy !req
49. Fair enough,
but where, then,
is the missing linkCopy !req
50. between apes
and this Darwinius masillae?Copy !req
51. Answer me that,
Professor!Copy !req
52. Okay, granted,
that one missing link
is still missing,Copy !req
53. but just because we haven't
found it doesn't mean
it doesn't exist!Copy !req
54. Things don't exist
simply because
you believe in them.Copy !req
55. Thus sayeth
the Almighty Creature
in the Sky!Copy !req
56. I'll show
that banana-swilling
poop-slinger!Copy !req
57. We just need to find
that last missing link.Copy !req
58. I found a missing link.
It seems to be half man,
half toucan.Copy !req
59. Not what we're looking for.
Throw it in the soup.Copy !req
60. And here's something.Copy !req
61. Uh-oh. It's another one
of Fry's dogs.Copy !req
62. You find something, Hermes?
Ah, no.Copy !req
63. I hate chiseling
right after a manicure.Copy !req
64. Oh! Darn it!
I broke off
one of my fingers!Copy !req
65. Look, Cubert.
The neck on this one.Copy !req
66. I bet he spent
a fortune on ties!Copy !req
67. What, too soon?Copy !req
68. I highly doubt
a Jurassic elaphrosaurid
had access to neckwear.Copy !req
69. I knew I should have
gone with the
ring-around-the-collar joke.Copy !req
70. Hey, look!
I found a robot fossil!Copy !req
71. That's a bedspring,
you dumb bedspring!Copy !req
72. There are no robot fossils.Copy !req
73. What? Who says
I didn't evolve?Copy !req
74. Everybody!Copy !req
75. Robots were created
quite recently.
It was in all the papers.Copy !req
76. Then explain this!Copy !req
77. I've hit
a rich vein of missing links.Copy !req
78. Java man, Piltdown man,
Manfred Mann.Copy !req
79. Eureka!Copy !req
80. It's the elusive
missing missing link.Copy !req
81. This will show Banjo,
once and for all.Copy !req
82. Yeah!Copy !req
83. What the...
Oh, That's mine.Copy !req
84. Hmm. My tux doesn't fit.Copy !req
85. Probably because
I've grown so much
since I last wore it.Copy !req
86. Or evolved,
one might say.Copy !req
87. One might not say that.Copy !req
88. Your tux doesn't fit
because you stole it
from a boy.Copy !req
89. You mean a man.Copy !req
90. It was his Bar Mitzvah.Copy !req
91. Welcome, museum members.Copy !req
92. Or, as I like to call you,
future exhibits.Copy !req
93. He's good.Copy !req
94. Tonight we have a new resident
here in the Hall of Hominids,Copy !req
95. generously donated
by its discoverer,
Hubert Farnsworth.Copy !req
96. Ladies and gentlemen,
Homo Farnsworth.Copy !req
97. Once again,
science saves the day.Copy !req
98. The end.Copy !req
99. And now, to discuss the
scientific implications
of this discovery,Copy !req
100. our new museum curator,
Dr. Banjo!Copy !req
101. Thank you,
Professor Farnsworth,
for your generous gift,Copy !req
102. which has, once and for all,
disproven evolution.Copy !req
103. Behold! Homo Farnsworth,Copy !req
104. frolicking with dinosaurs
at the moment of creation.Copy !req
105. I don't want to live
on this planet anymore.Copy !req
106. Faster! Faster!Copy !req
107. Just drop me off
at that asteroid over there.Copy !req
108. Wow, this planetoid
is completely lifeless.Copy !req
109. Not lifeless enough!Copy !req
110. Set up my shack
so I can kick you
out of it!Copy !req
111. Professor, is this
your only water source?Copy !req
112. It looks like
Diet Dr. Pepper.Copy !req
113. It's not that bad.
It's just laden
with toxic minerals.Copy !req
114. But not for long.Copy !req
115. What's in the tube?
Microscopic Nanobots.Copy !req
116. They're tiny robots I designed
to eat up nasty irritants.Copy !req
117. Speaking of nasty irritants,
what's gonna become of Cubert?Copy !req
118. Who? Oh, my son.Copy !req
119. Don't worry.
He's been safely abandoned
with his godfather.Copy !req
120. Cubert, I felt we needed
some father-son bonding time,Copy !req
121. so I found a couple
of baseball gloves and
boiled them up for lunch.Copy !req
122. Why don't you
just go to hell!Copy !req
123. Wait! We still have to
discuss the facts of life.Copy !req
124. What are they?Copy !req
125. Okay, I finished moving
the last grand piano.Copy !req
126. Now can we have our pizza?Copy !req
127. You'll get
your damn pizza,
you parasite!Copy !req
128. First, let's see if
my Nanobots have purified
the water yet.Copy !req
129. The water's as sterile
as my milkman-trusting father.Copy !req
130. But what's this?Copy !req
131. The Nanobots have
gotten more complex.Copy !req
132. What's that you say?Copy !req
133. Those robots evolved
all by themselves, you say?Copy !req
134. It wasn't by themselves.
I put them there.Copy !req
135. I'm a genius.
Get over it!Copy !req
136. Hey, look.
Now they got bigger.Copy !req
137. Good heavens!
Trilobots!Copy !req
138. Oh, no!
My sunglasses
were in there!Copy !req
139. Get off!Copy !req
140. Let's get the pizza
out of here!Copy !req
141. Look, there's a cave-like hole
in that mountain.Copy !req
142. It might be a cave.Copy !req
143. Does anyone have
a lighter?Copy !req
144. Hang on.Copy !req
145. Okay, we have shelterCopy !req
146. and just enough precious food
to ward off starvation.Copy !req
147. It's pizza time!Copy !req
148. Pineapple?Copy !req
149. Oh, man!
So much for that.Copy !req
150. Hello. I remembered
you liked superheroes,Copy !req
151. so I painted you a mural
on your wall.Copy !req
152. This is Father-Man.Copy !req
153. He fights crime
to earn Son-Boy's
respect.Copy !req
154. Is it working?
This is sucky!Copy !req
155. You suck! Who taught you to do
three-point perspective?Copy !req
156. I could make a better mural
with my butt!Copy !req
157. Father-Man away.Copy !req
158. Nothing like a cave
for a good night's sleep.Copy !req
159. So, what do we got to eat
that's not poisoned
with pineapple?Copy !req
160. I packed plenty of food,
but it's all in
dehydrated pill form.Copy !req
161. Then we need water
from that pond.Copy !req
162. We'll have to fight our way
past the Trilobots.Copy !req
163. Go! Go!
Hit anything
that moves!Copy !req
164. Whoa.
Wow.Copy !req
165. A whole forest
grew overnight.Copy !req
166. All these trees are robotic.Copy !req
167. I can't believe how quickly
they sprung up.Copy !req
168. I can.
Robots do everything faster,
including evolvingCopy !req
169. and believing
how quickly things
spring up.Copy !req
170. One thing about
Bristol-Myers Squibb, they
know how to cook a steak.Copy !req
171. Hey, look at me.
I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man.Copy !req
172. I own a yacht,
and everybody poops on me!Copy !req
173. Help! Police!Copy !req
174. Everybody grab a club.Copy !req
175. Oh, big, tough water guy,
why don't you come up here
on land and...Copy !req
176. Look out for the next thing!Copy !req
177. Great Scott,
a Tricycle-tops.Copy !req
178. Throw down,
dinosaurs of the land and sea.Copy !req
179. This is a cool way to die!Copy !req
180. Dr. Zoidberg?Copy !req
181. I'm sorry for treating
you like a total Zoidberg...Copy !req
182. I mean, loser.Copy !req
183. Go on.Copy !req
184. It's just that
I get bullied a lot.Copy !req
185. I guess I kind of
make fun of people as
a defense mechanism.Copy !req
186. Hey, Cubert,
is that your family mansion?Copy !req
187. Why don't you ask your mom?
She's coming over
for a sex visit.Copy !req
188. Don't worry,
I know how
to handle bullies.Copy !req
189. Just pretend like
you're pathetic.Copy !req
190. Help, I'm scared!
I wet myself.Copy !req
191. I'm crying like a baby
and I'm soaking in pee,Copy !req
192. but what else is new?Copy !req
193. The pee-babies
peed themselves.Copy !req
194. I'm off to pottery class,
dorkwads.Copy !req
195. And that's that.Copy !req
196. Whoa! You're
like some kind
of dumpster Jedi.Copy !req
197. So, you want to
come in maybe?Copy !req
198. I've got a nice pound cake
with a footprint on it.Copy !req
199. Don't eat my butt!Copy !req
200. If this is anything like
killing that pigeon
on my balcony,Copy !req
201. we've got our work
cut out for us.Copy !req
202. Look out, a solar flare!Copy !req
203. What the shmell happened?Copy !req
204. A mass extinction.Copy !req
205. That solar flare
created a huge
electromagnetic pulseCopy !req
206. that, while harmless
to organic life,Copy !req
207. short-circuited
the robo-dinosaurs.Copy !req
208. Convenient.Copy !req
209. Only puny mammal-like robots
cowering in cavesCopy !req
210. could survive such
a catastrophe.Copy !req
211. Guys, guys!
I taught myself to knit.Copy !req
212. Wait a moment.Copy !req
213. If we could scavenge
the right parts
from these robo-dinos,Copy !req
214. I might be able to construct
a rudimentary spaceshipCopy !req
215. to get us off this planet!Copy !req
216. Oh, well, it took
almost two hours,
but it's finished.Copy !req
217. Now let's go to sleep.Copy !req
218. It's solar powered,
so we can't take off
until sunrise.Copy !req
219. Well, let's find something
comfy to bed down on.Copy !req
220. Hey, looky here.Copy !req
221. Sweet robot swan
of Botswana!Copy !req
222. Looks like the fittest
did a little surviving
last night, huh?Copy !req
223. Whatever.Copy !req
224. Hey, looky there.Copy !req
225. Those robo-cavemen
have kidnapped our
human regular-women.Copy !req
226. We gotta save them!Copy !req
227. But the only weapon we have
is my fan dance.Copy !req
228. Hmm. I believe I can
fashion a slingshot using
this robot wishboneCopy !req
229. and this elastic
from my pants.Copy !req
230. I think they want wives,
so just play along.Copy !req
231. If it doesn't work out,
we'll still get
half their rocks.Copy !req
232. I can earn my own rocks.
Also, I don't want any rocks.Copy !req
233. Well, it took almost 12 hours,
but it's finished.Copy !req
234. It's too dark now,Copy !req
235. but first thing tomorrow,
we'll slingshot themCopy !req
236. like they've never
been slangshat.Copy !req
237. What's going on?
How did we save you?Copy !req
238. It was
the weirdest thing.Copy !req
239. We went to sleep,
and when we woke up,
our cave husbands were gone.Copy !req
240. I'm gonna miss Spencer.Copy !req
241. Don't be afraid, little guys.
I'm not going to hurt you.Copy !req
242. Nice net.Copy !req
243. You can speak?Copy !req
244. Dread my locks!Copy !req
245. A fully-evolved robot human!Copy !req
246. I'm Dr. Widnar,
a naturalist.Copy !req
247. And I'm Bender, baby.Copy !req
248. My human slaves and I
come from a planetCopy !req
249. where organic life
and robotic life evolved
side by side.Copy !req
250. Oh, shut up!Copy !req
251. Amazing.Copy !req
252. I've theorized
that carbon-based,
fat-filled life could exist,Copy !req
253. but until today,
I never had any proof.Copy !req
254. Good for you.
Can we go home now?Copy !req
255. Welcome, museum members,Copy !req
256. or as I like to call you,
future exhibits.Copy !req
257. I now present
my latest discovery,Copy !req
258. the amazing
non-mechanical man,
Homo Farnsworth.Copy !req
259. Thank you.Copy !req
260. I must say,
I'm so proud to see
what you've blossomed intoCopy !req
261. since I first created
your ancestors.Copy !req
262. What?
I thought you knew.Copy !req
263. You all evolved
from some filth-gobbling
Nanobots I designed.Copy !req
264. I dumped them
in one of your ponds
a few days ago.Copy !req
265. But this is
creationist talk.Copy !req
266. He speaks lies!Copy !req
267. The Earth was created
in eons, not days.Copy !req
268. Yes, relative to you,
it was eons,Copy !req
269. but, well, look at
this hologram I took
the day before yesterdayCopy !req
270. of a robot frolicking
with a robo-dinosaur.Copy !req
271. I don't want to live
on this planet anymore.Copy !req
272. You're under arrest
for crimes against science.Copy !req
273. No!Copy !req
274. Could you drag me
by the restroom?Copy !req
275. Go back to Roboklahoma!Copy !req
276. Order!
In the matter of
Everyone v. Farnsworth,Copy !req
277. the alleged creationist
faces a sentence
of death by melting.Copy !req
278. Who is representing
the accused?Copy !req
279. I am.
I am, Your Honor.Copy !req
280. Bender, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
281. Shut up,
I'm billing you
by the hour!Copy !req
282. Besides, I'm a robot,
they'll listen to me.Copy !req
283. Ladytrons and gentlebots...Copy !req
284. Objection. In the absence
of pants, defense's suspenders
serve no purpose.Copy !req
285. I'm going to allow them
for now.Copy !req
286. Thank you.
Your Honor, this meat-man
does not denyCopy !req
287. that we robots
are the glorious product
of evolution.Copy !req
288. He claims only to have played
a small role in supplying
the initial machinery.Copy !req
289. I ask you,
is that so crazy?Copy !req
290. Yes, it's completely crazy,Copy !req
291. and that is why you must
find him not guilty
by reason of insanity!Copy !req
292. Objection! I'm not crazy.Copy !req
293. I created you all,Copy !req
294. and I came here
in a homemade spaceship
and lived in a cave.Copy !req
295. If you don't believe me,
ask my uncle.Copy !req
296. Prosecutor,
your opening statement?Copy !req
297. Yeah, honey,
I'll be home for dinner.Copy !req
298. The prosecution rests,
Your Honor.Copy !req
299. Very well.Copy !req
300. We will reconvene
when the jury reaches
a verdict.Copy !req
301. Son, you in
a whole mess of trouble.Copy !req
302. What?Copy !req
303. Has the jury reached
a verdict?Copy !req
304. No, we have not,Copy !req
305. for we have evolved
to a higher state
of consciousness.Copy !req
306. In the grand scheme,
all physical beings
are but yokels.Copy !req
307. Now, settle your
petty squabbles and
get the hell out.Copy !req
308. That'll be $10,000.Copy !req
309. Well, digital photographs
don't lie.Copy !req
310. I admit that what you
witnessed may have been
some form of evolution.Copy !req
311. I'm glad you agree,
Dr. Banjo.Copy !req
312. Evolution set in motion
by a wise and
all-knowing creator.Copy !req
313. You.Copy !req
314. Well, I don't know
about all-knowing.Copy !req
315. And I admit it's possible,
however unlikely,Copy !req
316. that some wise
and all-knowing alien monsterCopy !req
317. set evolution in motion
here on Earth.Copy !req
318. Oh, oh, and the creator
could also be a robot.Copy !req
319. Then who built
this so-called creator robot?Copy !req
320. Some magical bearded robot
in the sky?Copy !req
321. I guess that
would be stupid.
Never mind.Copy !req
322. Then it's settled.Copy !req
323. Finally, a world
in which I'm happy
to raise my son.Copy !req
324. Good, 'cause I'm
sick of him.Copy !req
325. I'm serious.
He's a terrible person.Copy !req