1. Oh, I fear
I may not survive this
war reenactment.Copy !req
2. I can't believe we're only
12 feet from the parking lot.Copy !req
3. This is
every bit as fun
as the real Civil War.Copy !req
4. Not the Civil War, Private.
We're reenacting
the Sith-il War.Copy !req
5. Sith? What the Hoth?Copy !req
6. Enemy invaders!
Up in yonder sky!Copy !req
7. I am Darth Stroyer.Copy !req
8. Darth Stroyer?
That's the stupidest
name I've ever heard.Copy !req
9. Let's hear the rest.Copy !req
10. Darth Trocious.Copy !req
11. Darth Sploder.Copy !req
12. Darth Urderer.Copy !req
13. Darth It-head.Copy !req
14. Company, attack!Copy !req
15. Don't fire until you see
the greens of their eyes!Copy !req
16. It saves on bullets.Copy !req
17. I shall rip out your heart
and show it to you.Copy !req
18. It is done.Copy !req
19. The candle that
burns twice as bright
burns half as long.Copy !req
20. You're dead.Copy !req
21. No, I'm just very old.Copy !req
22. Whoa. That's good acting.Copy !req
23. It's payback time,
Sploder.Copy !req
24. Tell my mother to pick me up
outside Quiznos.Copy !req
25. That's three dead.Copy !req
26. Let's pick up the pace,
people.Copy !req
27. At this point in
the actual war,Copy !req
28. the death toll
was 98 million.Copy !req
29. You humans
and your fragile organs.Copy !req
30. One little stab
to the goo, and...Copy !req
31. You're dead, Earth man.Copy !req
32. Cruel fate, I'm dead.Copy !req
33. They're putting me
in my Sunday suitCopy !req
34. and shoving me
in a wooden box.Copy !req
35. Now they're lowering me
into the cold, cold ground.Copy !req
36. Hello,
here come the worms.Copy !req
37. If you were really dead,
you wouldn't be
laughing so hard.Copy !req
38. Yeah, death's a big deal
to you flesh bags.Copy !req
39. But in case you
didn't notice,
I'm a robot.Copy !req
40. So? What if something heavy
fell on you, like a church?Copy !req
41. You could still die.Copy !req
42. Nuh-uh!Copy !req
43. My wireless backup unit
saves a copy of me every day.Copy !req
44. So, if my body gets killed,
big whoop,Copy !req
45. I just download
into another body.Copy !req
46. I'm immortal, baby.Copy !req
47. What? Then how come
you always screamCopy !req
48. so much when
you're in danger?Copy !req
49. I never said I wasn't
a drama queen.Copy !req
50. And the winner
of the war is...Copy !req
51. Let me just cross-check
my tabulation here.Copy !req
52. Factor in the corsages
for the widows...Copy !req
53. Hurry up,
you number-crunching
crumb-nuncher!Copy !req
54. Everybody but me
is dying of old age!Copy !req
55. Okay.Copy !req
56. The winners, at a net cost
of only $12 per life cut
tragically short,Copy !req
57. our Sith Overlords!Copy !req
58. Yeah!
Yes!Copy !req
59. Hot diggity. I mean,Copy !req
60. Supreme diggity.Copy !req
61. Good war,
good war, good war...Copy !req
62. It may have been a fake war,
but my scuffed knee
is all too real.Copy !req
63. I've got pains in joints
I had removed a century ago.Copy !req
64. Bender, bring me
my soft chair with
the wheels on it.Copy !req
65. Your wheelchair?
I don't need a wheelchair!Copy !req
66. The one with the wheels!Copy !req
67. Poor flimsy humans.Copy !req
68. Don't you wish you were
flawless like me?Copy !req
69. A towering inferno of
physical perfection?Copy !req
70. I hate to pop
your blimp-like ego,
but you are not perfect.Copy !req
71. Am so.
Are not.Copy !req
72. Is too!
Says who?Copy !req
73. Says the only human
whose opinion I even
remotely respect.Copy !req
74. Inspector 5,
the best inspector
a kid could want.Copy !req
75. The day I was built,
he looked me over,Copy !req
76. probably with tears
of pride in his eyes,Copy !req
77. and proclaimed
to all the world,Copy !req
78. by means of this
scrap of paper,Copy !req
79. that I was perfect and
infallible in every way.Copy !req
80. Hey, Mr. Perfect,Copy !req
81. you wet the chair.Copy !req
82. Huh? It wasn't me.
Must be some of that urine
you're all so proud of.Copy !req
83. That's not urine.
It's oil.Copy !req
84. Impossible.
I'm triple-sealed to
prevent any chance of...Copy !req
85. You call that
an ink defense?Copy !req
86. Goodbye, friends.Copy !req
87. What could have
caused the leak?Copy !req
88. Excessive heat,
on account of
I'm so hot?Copy !req
89. Alas, no.Copy !req
90. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's
a symptom of a fatal defect.Copy !req
91. Yeah, fatal, schmatal.Copy !req
92. If I die, I can just
download my backup copyCopy !req
93. into a new,
equally fabulous body.Copy !req
94. That's just it. You can't!
You were built without
a backup unit!Copy !req
95. There's no backup
copy of me?Copy !req
96. That's what I just said,
you mortal coil.Copy !req
97. So, if I die...Copy !req
98. You die.
Or as you put it...Copy !req
99. Excuse me for a moment.Copy !req
100. No!Copy !req
101. I can't believe it!
I'm gonna die!Copy !req
102. How much time
does he have left,
Professor?Copy !req
103. Between a minute
and a billion years.Copy !req
104. Well, at least you
can plan accordingly.Copy !req
105. Dying sucks butt!Copy !req
106. How do you living beings
cope with mortality?Copy !req
107. Violent outbursts.Copy !req
108. General sluttiness.Copy !req
109. Thanks to denial,
I'm immortal.Copy !req
110. Damn it,
I'm supposed
to be perfect!Copy !req
111. Inspector 5 gave me
his blessing!Copy !req
112. How could he bring me
into this world
knowing I would die?Copy !req
113. So you wish you
were never born, maybe?Copy !req
114. Yes, anything less
than immortality is
a complete waste of time!Copy !req
115. Then suicide it is.Copy !req
116. Step into my office.
I'll give you
a nice Kevorking.Copy !req
117. Not until I hunt down
Inspector 5 and beat
an explanation out of him!Copy !req
118. I'm all for a good beating,
but you'll never find him.Copy !req
119. Product inspectors
are bureaucrats,Copy !req
120. faceless bean-counters
who blend into the woodwork.Copy !req
121. I beg to differ.Copy !req
122. Stinking bureaucrats.
I hate them!Copy !req
123. Then again,
you might be able
to find Inspector 5Copy !req
124. with the help of another
seasoned bureaucrat.Copy !req
125. Hermes, old pal.Copy !req
126. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago,
you said you hated me.Copy !req
127. Time heals all wounds.Copy !req
128. You know what?
I will help you,Copy !req
129. but only to prove I'm not
just a paper-pushing
file jockey.Copy !req
130. Will you be taking your
portable filing cabinet?Copy !req
131. None of your beeswax.Copy !req
132. I'll only be away an hour,
but I'm counting on youCopy !req
133. to do the all-critical
filing in my absence.Copy !req
134. Shall we review
alphabetical order?Copy !req
135. A, B, C, D...Copy !req
136. Get out of my office!Copy !req
137. Yes, I'd like to request
a death certificate.Copy !req
138. Sorry,
that's Building C.Copy !req
139. The Central Bureaucracy
maintains records
on all bureaucrats.Copy !req
140. We should be able to
look up Inspector 5.Copy !req
141. Application for
ingress approved.Copy !req
142. And the other
potential entrant?Copy !req
143. He's my pencil sharpener.Copy !req
144. You betcha!Copy !req
145. Proceed.Copy !req
146. I maintain a cubicle here
for weekend getaways.Copy !req
147. Wow. Until now, I thought
giant cubes were exciting.Copy !req
148. I did like the part
where they screamed.Copy !req
149. This is mine,
right next to
the center square.Copy !req
150. Sorry, Hermes,
I drank all your Wite-Out.Copy !req
151. Once I log in, I can access
Inspector 5's profile.Copy !req
152. Damn it, it won't go on!Copy !req
153. That's because
you're not me.Copy !req
154. Hooray, it won't go on!Copy !req
155. The bureaucra-scan
won't let anyoneCopy !req
156. but the assigned
bureaucrat log in.Copy !req
157. Also, you have
a rectangular mass
in your colon.Copy !req
158. That's a calculator.
I ate it to gain its power.Copy !req
159. You locate Inspector 5
while I slip into my
ass-kicking feet.Copy !req
160. Sweet file-not-found
of Puget Sound.Copy !req
161. His record's been blanked.Copy !req
162. Oh, man!Copy !req
163. How am I gonna find
some anonymous guy
I don't know anything about?Copy !req
164. I recommend the men's room
at the TWA Terminal.Copy !req
165. Okay, just file it
alphabetically.Copy !req
166. A, B, C, D...Copy !req
167. Well, this requires
a little extra thought.Copy !req
168. I'm a natural.Copy !req
169. The information we need
will be here, in the
physical files.Copy !req
170. Those bastards won't know
what leafed through them.Copy !req
171. It's on.Copy !req
172. No! This is impossible!Copy !req
173. Quit blacking out
and look at this.Copy !req
174. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6."Copy !req
175. There's no trace
of Inspector 5!Copy !req
176. But 5's the one we want!Copy !req
177. Maybe if I kicked
the asses of Inspector 2,
plus Inspector 3...Copy !req
178. Addition never
solved anything, man.Copy !req
179. Let's cut our losses
and go home.Copy !req
180. So I'm doomed to die,Copy !req
181. and I'll never even
get to punch
whoever's responsible?Copy !req
182. What's the point?Copy !req
183. Bender, no! Suicide isn't
necessarily the answer.Copy !req
184. It's not a suicide booth,
you lard-ass.
It's a phone booth.Copy !req
185. They have phones
in booths now?Copy !req
186. Finally, I don't have to
lug this cell phone around.Copy !req
187. Who the hell is this?
How did you get this number?Copy !req
188. Is this the robot company?Copy !req
189. 'Cause I have a complaint
about a defective robot.Copy !req
190. His name is me!Copy !req
191. A defective robot, you say?Copy !req
192. Stay right there, dearie.Copy !req
193. I'll have tech support
take care of you.Copy !req
194. Well, things are
starting to look up.Copy !req
195. Look up!Copy !req
196. Who did you call?
Dial-a-bomb?Copy !req
197. No, I just told
the robot company
I was defective.Copy !req
198. You dumb cocktail shaker!Copy !req
199. Mom won't allow
a defective product
to tarnish her good name!Copy !req
200. She'll kill you!Copy !req
201. Big whoop. I'll just
download into a new...Copy !req
202. Oh, right.
If I die, I die.Copy !req
203. Speaking of which...Copy !req
204. You're right.
You're right.
You're right.Copy !req
205. That's what you get
for calling tech support.Copy !req
206. I can't run anymore.
I'll have to skip.Copy !req
207. Just a few more feet.Copy !req
208. We have to get to
that pile of dead bears
by 7:38.Copy !req
209. A pile of dead bears can
only mean one thing.
But what?Copy !req
210. It's the 7:38!Copy !req
211. Jump!Copy !req
212. Shoot!
Someone said shoot.Copy !req
213. Well, we're boned.Copy !req
214. No, we're not!Copy !req
215. We just got to limbo.Copy !req
216. But I'm not
designed to bend that low,
not without limbo music.Copy !req
217. That'll do it!Copy !req
218. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
219. We're gonna get fired.Copy !req
220. Someone said fire.Copy !req
221. We did it!Copy !req
222. Twelve straight hours
of limbo.Copy !req
223. I haven't done that
since my honeymoon.Copy !req
224. Hermes, Hermes,
remember that
flock of bats?Copy !req
225. I sure do.Copy !req
226. That was fun.Copy !req
227. Where are we?Copy !req
228. I have no idea.Copy !req
229. Hey,
we're just a stone's throw
from Tijuana.Copy !req
230. See?Copy !req
231. A rock has fallen here,
in the outskirts of Tijuana.Copy !req
232. Is it within
the city limit?Copy !req
233. I think, yes.Copy !req
234. Told you.Copy !req
235. Hey, you want to
celebrate our escape?Copy !req
236. Maybe grab a shot
of tequila and take in
a big-league cockfight?Copy !req
237. Sure. No, wait.
I was built in Tijuana.Copy !req
238. Maybe Inspector 5
still works there.Copy !req
239. He better do some explaining
before I mash up
some face guacamole.Copy !req
240. He's Mexican, I'm Mexican.
Let me handle this.Copy !req
241. Si!Copy !req
242. Ouch-o!Copy !req
243. Here are our passports,
visas,Copy !req
244. and Homeland Security
permission slips,Copy !req
245. notarized and starched.Copy !req
246. Okay. I also would
have accepted a bribe.Copy !req
247. Nice work, butterball.Copy !req
248. You know,
I was in Italy last week.Copy !req
249. My birthplace.
It's closed!Copy !req
250. There's not even
a shrine to me.Copy !req
251. With a gift shop,
selling piñatas of me!Copy !req
252. End of the line, man.Copy !req
253. Come on, we can still catch
a twi-night double cockfight.Copy !req
254. No, wait! What's that
in the Mexican garbage?Copy !req
255. Looks like
a half-eaten cheese diaper.Copy !req
256. No, next to that.Copy !req
257. A half-eaten
employee directory.Copy !req
258. Inspector 5's home address!Copy !req
259. His ass-ias is gracias!Copy !req
260. Where are you hiding,
you coward?Copy !req
261. Get out here and get
murdered like a man!Copy !req
262. Bender, I'm afraid
our search is at an end.
He's obviously long gone.Copy !req
263. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
264. Well, maybe this is
him in a costume!Copy !req
265. I'm gonna squeeze you
out of there like
Tijuana toothpaste!Copy !req
266. Okay, Bender,
you're mortal.Copy !req
267. And, okay,
Inspector 5 screwed up.Copy !req
268. But that just makes
the time you have left
all the more precious.Copy !req
269. Do you really want to waste
the rest of your life
in a bitter, homicidal rage?Copy !req
270. No! Yes!Copy !req
271. I don't know!Copy !req
272. Why?
Why did he do this to me?Copy !req
273. All I wanted was
a little quality control.Copy !req
274. But he didn't care enough.
And now I'm gonna die!Copy !req
275. I deserve better!
I'm Bender, damn it!Copy !req
276. I'm Bender!Copy !req
277. There, there, man.
It's gonna be okay.Copy !req
278. You are Bender,
which is something
Inspector 5 will never be.Copy !req
279. You know what?
You're right.Copy !req
280. He was just
a stupid bureaucrat.Copy !req
281. A stupid,
paper-pushing bureaucrat.Copy !req
282. A stupid l-dotting,
chair-squashing...Copy !req
283. Oh.Copy !req
284. No offense, Hermes.
You're not like that.Copy !req
285. I mean,
you're exactly like that,
but you're okay!Copy !req
286. In fact, I'm putting you
on the do-not-kill list.Copy !req
287. Come on, fellow mortal.
We're in Tijuana.Copy !req
288. I want to live a little.Copy !req
289. Help! I'm gonna die!
That's the opposite
of what I want!Copy !req
290. Quick, run out the back!Copy !req
291. I'll hack into
Inspector 5's terminal
and fake your death,Copy !req
292. so they'll call
off the kill-bots.Copy !req
293. You know that
terminal is unhackable!Copy !req
294. I'm not leaving you,
and that's final!Copy !req
295. Good luck, buddy.Copy !req
296. Bender terminated.Copy !req
297. Bender saved.Copy !req
298. Cease fire.
Mom called off the attack.Copy !req
299. Although I don't
see how it's her.
Someone said, "Howitzer!"Copy !req
300. Yeah!Copy !req
301. All right! Yeah!Copy !req
302. He did it!Copy !req
303. And he's not looking back
at that cool explosion.Copy !req
304. He's a hero!Copy !req
305. What's happening?Copy !req
306. The phone's
been disconnected,
the ship's repossessed,Copy !req
307. and Zoidberg's
getting overcooked!Copy !req
308. This place never changes.Copy !req
309. Leela, what in the name
of Jah happened?Copy !req
310. Too much papers!
Not enough hiding plants!Copy !req
311. It's all right.Copy !req
312. This place just needs
a one-hour bureaucratizing.Copy !req
313. You make it
look so easy.Copy !req
314. I've smoked a lot
of paperwork in my day.Copy !req
315. Hey, Bender,
did you ever findCopy !req
316. that inspector guy
you were looking for?Copy !req
317. Nah, but thanks
to this knucklehead,Copy !req
318. I did find a new
outlook on life.Copy !req
319. It's precious and sacred.Copy !req
320. And you only get
so many millions of
years on this Earth.Copy !req
321. So, let's get brick-faced!Copy !req
322. Little bird, little bird
Fly through my windowCopy !req
323. Little bird, little bird
Fly through my windowCopy !req
324. Find molasses candyCopy !req
325. Through my window,
my sugar lumpCopy !req
326. Fly through my window,
my sugar lumpCopy !req
327. Find molasses candyCopy !req
328. Chickadee, chickadee
Fly through my windowCopy !req
329. Find molasses candyCopy !req
330. Through my window,
my sugar lumpCopy !req
331. Fly through my window,
my sugar lumpCopy !req
332. Find molasses candyCopy !req