1. As Mayor, it is my
deeply tedious pleasureCopy !req
2. to kick off the 83rd
or 84th Annual E-Waste
Recycling Festival!Copy !req
3. Down in front!Copy !req
4. Sorry.
I get aroused in crowds.Copy !req
5. I will now throw out
the ceremonial first dump,Copy !req
6. this old,
inefficient vote-rigger!Copy !req
7. These old doomsday devices
are dangerously unstable.Copy !req
8. I'll rest easier not
knowing where they are.Copy !req
9. So long,
overly complicated
Japanese toilet.Copy !req
10. Please, not to
throw away. I give you
a happy poopie time.Copy !req
11. Sorry,
you know too much.Copy !req
12. Seems like a good place
to ditch some evidence.Copy !req
13. Flexo?Copy !req
14. What are you doing
in a hazardous-waste bin?Copy !req
15. Haven't you heard?Copy !req
16. Us bending units
are dangerously outdated.Copy !req
17. We overheat,
we're radioactive,
we cause erectile...Copy !req
18. Who were you talking to?Copy !req
19. No one. Your mama.
Shut up. Take your pick.Copy !req
20. Scoop Chang,
New New York TimesCopy !req
21. online podcast
blog comments editor.Copy !req
22. Mr. Mayor, isn't this
e-waste dangerous?Copy !req
23. Not at all, Scoop.Copy !req
24. Not after it's hauled
off to the third world
by an expendable teamCopy !req
25. of minimum-wage nobodies.Copy !req
26. Good news, nobodies!Copy !req
27. Greetings, my friends!Copy !req
28. It shan't take long
to strip down your clunker.Copy !req
29. There's nothing wrong
with our clunker.Copy !req
30. Really?
Because we can smelt out
the deadly, deadly chromiumCopy !req
31. to make rat poison
and artificial sweeteners.Copy !req
32. No, thanks.
We're delivering e-waste.Copy !req
33. Pity.
We're halfway done.Copy !req
34. This thing is 40% chromium!Copy !req
35. Gentle now. Gentle with
the hover dumpster.Copy !req
36. Ready for processing!Copy !req
37. What smells like
bloody sinuses?Copy !req
38. We burn your e-waste down
to the usable metals,Copy !req
39. safely releasing
the toxins into our air
and drinking water.Copy !req
40. That's the
worst thing I've ever seen!Copy !req
41. Really?
Then don't look over there.Copy !req
42. Whee!Copy !req
43. Okay, kids.
Let's play "find the shiny."Copy !req
44. That's even more horrific!
Is all the work done
by children?Copy !req
45. No, not the whipping.Copy !req
46. Granted, we later learned
some positive things
about recycling,Copy !req
47. but a better solution
is to use our electronicsCopy !req
48. as long as possible
instead of throwing them out
in the first place.Copy !req
49. I'm gonna start by keeping
my old cell phone,
even if it is outdated.Copy !req
50. Hello, Miss Turanga.
Your call to St. Louis
has gone through.Copy !req
51. Well, let's at least
throw this TV out.Copy !req
52. The batteries in the remote
are getting low.Copy !req
53. No! Put that back
and turn it on!Copy !req
54. I was just trying
to help.Copy !req
55. More on this
breaking puff pieceCopy !req
56. after a word
from our sponsor.Copy !req
57. With the new eyePhone,
you can watch, listen,Copy !req
58. ignore your friends,
stalk your ex,Copy !req
59. download porno
on a crowded bus,Copy !req
60. even check your e-mail
while getting hit by a train.Copy !req
61. All with the new eyePhone.Copy !req
62. From Mom.Copy !req
63. A new eyePhone?
Forget this junk.Copy !req
64. Well, this is a fine
how-do-you-do!Copy !req
65. So long!
Sayonara.Copy !req
66. Bye-bye!
Good riddance!Copy !req
67. Yup!
Toodle-oo.Copy !req
68. Come on,
let's buy some
eyePhones online.Copy !req
69. Wait.
I thought we were buying
our eyePhones online.Copy !req
70. We are on line.Copy !req
71. But I thought
the Mom Store
was across town.Copy !req
72. It is across town.Copy !req
73. But I thought...
Stop thinking, Fry!Copy !req
74. I feel like
a mindless zombie.Copy !req
75. I wish I knew how long
we've been waiting.Copy !req
76. The eyePhone has
an app for that!Copy !req
77. Is there an app
for kissing my
shiny metal ass?Copy !req
78. Several!Copy !req
79. Ooh!Copy !req
80. No, the light!
I guess I'm off to hell.Copy !req
81. That's the store, Professor.Copy !req
82. Wow! It's that
obscure underground songCopy !req
83. that's constantly
playing everywhere.Copy !req
84. Hello, dearies.
Welcome to the Mom Store.Copy !req
85. The new eyePhones
are in short supply,
so please form an orderly...Copy !req
86. Out of the way!
I need...Copy !req
87. Move!Copy !req
88. Are there any left?Copy !req
89. There may be one.Copy !req
90. Okay, it's $500,
you have no
choice of carrier,Copy !req
91. the battery can't
hold a chargeCopy !req
92. and the reception
isn't very...Copy !req
93. Shut up and take my money!Copy !req
94. The new eyePhone
is wonderful.Copy !req
95. I use it to check recipes
and send threatening e-mailsCopy !req
96. to unauthorized
third-party app developers.Copy !req
97. Say, you're from one
of those ethnicities
that knows about technology.Copy !req
98. Why is it called
an eyePhone?Copy !req
99. I'll explain
after I install it.Copy !req
100. Neat.Copy !req
101. Now for the earpiece.Copy !req
102. But my favorite app
is called Twitcher.Copy !req
103. Twitcher lets you
send and receiveCopy !req
104. short messages or videos
called twits.Copy !req
105. Why, here's a twit now.Copy !req
106. Hi, Mom.
I love you more than...Copy !req
107. Low battery.Copy !req
108. But don't take
my word for it.Copy !req
109. Unbiased-Reviews. Mom says
Twitcher is the killer app.Copy !req
110. And when I say killer app,Copy !req
111. I mean killer app!Copy !req
112. Ow!Copy !req
113. And now,
another downloadisodeCopy !req
114. of The Real
Housewives of Sim City.Copy !req
115. She needs to reset.
I'll say it to her face.Copy !req
116. No wonder
traditional media is dead.Copy !req
117. Check out this
webisode of Hypnotoad.Copy !req
118. Enjoy your outdated format,
Grandpa.Copy !req
119. Nowadays, cool kids like me
mash up our own phone-isodes.Copy !req
120. It's from the kidnappers.
My nephew is alive!Copy !req
121. And he's in this envelope.Copy !req
122. They cut off one
of my dimensions!Copy !req
123. No! No!Copy !req
124. Oh, my God, it's Bender!
He'll save us!Copy !req
125. What's happening to me?
Is it puberty?Copy !req
126. It's a phone call, dingus.Copy !req
127. These eyePhones
are phones, too?Copy !req
128. Duh!Copy !req
129. Fry-lo.
Hi, Fry.Copy !req
130. Did you know these eyePhones
are phones, too?Copy !req
131. Duh! Hey, is it safe to
talk while you're flying?Copy !req
132. Oh, totally.
This thing's hands-free.Copy !req
133. That's how
I can eat this taco
and this spaghetti.Copy !req
134. I'm hanging up now.Copy !req
135. Hey, check out this
Internet video of some idiot
crashing her spaceship!Copy !req
136. You recorded that?Copy !req
137. The eyePhone
records everything.Copy !req
138. All I did was add
a laugh trackCopy !req
139. and twit it to my
10,000 followers.Copy !req
140. That reminds me.
It's time to twit
my hourly twupdate.Copy !req
141. What's up, followers?
Fry here.Copy !req
142. Burping eggs,
scratching my
underarm fungus,Copy !req
143. looking for love.
Send.Copy !req
144. Underarm fungus?Copy !req
145. Too much information.Copy !req
146. It's exactly the right
amount of information!Copy !req
147. For years,
I've collected personal data
with old-fashioned methods,Copy !req
148. like spybots
and info-squitos.Copy !req
149. This guy sure loves porno.Copy !req
150. But now,
thanks to Twitcher,Copy !req
151. morons voluntarily
spew out every fact
I need to exploit them!Copy !req
152. Target acquired, Mother.Copy !req
153. Fire direct
marketing algorithm!Copy !req
154. Do you suffer from
the heartbreak of...Copy !req
155. My underarm fungus.Copy !req
156. Then you,
Mr. Or Mrs...
Need the soothing reliefCopy !req
157. of Mom's Caustic
Anti-Fungal Bleach!Copy !req
158. Can I somehow charge it
to my eyePhone for
an additional fee?Copy !req
159. Hell, yes!Copy !req
160. Hey, fatso,
stuffa you face!Copy !req
161. This thing
always seems to know
when I got the munchies!Copy !req
162. Attention, followers.Copy !req
163. It's free topping day
at the pizza place
across the street! Send.Copy !req
164. Duh! That's why we
all came over here
for lunch. Send.Copy !req
165. Greetings, followers.Copy !req
166. This is day five of
my solo kayak journey
around the world. Send.Copy !req
167. Can you believe 50,000 idiots
swallow that crap? Send.Copy !req
168. Oops.Copy !req
169. Wait.
You have 50,000 followers?
I only have three. Send.Copy !req
170. I unsubscribed yesterday.Copy !req
171. I got the most followers
'cause I give the people
what they want.Copy !req
172. Like this video
of you doing karate
in your underpants.Copy !req
173. Help! Police!
Send.Copy !req
174. That is low, Bender,
even by your standards.Copy !req
175. My what now?Copy !req
176. Since when is the Internet
about robbing people
of their privacy?Copy !req
177. August 6, 1991.Copy !req
178. I'll bet I can get
as many followers as youCopy !req
179. without sinking
to your level.Copy !req
180. What do you say?
First one to a million
followers wins a buck.Copy !req
181. You're on!Copy !req
182. Send.Copy !req
183. What happens to the loser?Copy !req
184. Let's make it interesting.Copy !req
185. Why is Mr. Chunks doing that?Copy !req
186. Because the loser of our bet
has to do a double somersaultCopy !req
187. into a tub of
alien goat vomit.Copy !req
188. Wait, let's make it
interestinger.Copy !req
189. Vomit and diarrhea.Copy !req
190. Good idea. That way
we don't waste an end.Copy !req
191. It's putrid.
What do you feed him?Copy !req
192. What comes out one end,
we feed to the other.Copy !req
193. Also Indian food.Copy !req
194. Let the contest begin!Copy !req
195. Amazing.Copy !req
196. Some dumb bastardCopy !req
197. has nearly a million
other dumb bastards
following his every twit!Copy !req
198. Are you dumb bastards
listening to me,
you dumb bastards?Copy !req
199. Why are you
so angry, Mommy?Copy !req
200. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
201. I guess I'm just
a little nervous
about my evil plan.Copy !req
202. You dumb bastards!Copy !req
203. You see,
the plan is about
to enter phase two.Copy !req
204. As soon as someone
reaches a million followers,Copy !req
205. I'll use them to transmitCopy !req
206. the twit-worm.Copy !req
207. Mother, you devious hag.
Tell us more about
this twit-worm.Copy !req
208. It's a very special
computer virus,Copy !req
209. for instead of
infecting computers,Copy !req
210. it infects
the human brain.Copy !req
211. I like it.Copy !req
212. The million followers
will become an army
of zombiesCopy !req
213. eager to obey
my every command!Copy !req
214. The important thing is,
we're a family.Copy !req
215. No, it's not!Copy !req
216. Ew! He sneezed in it.Copy !req
217. Oh, God,
I'm going to lose the bet.Copy !req
218. I'm gonna have to swim
in the juice of the
Puke-Me-Poop-You.Copy !req
219. Don't give up.
You just need more
titillating twits.Copy !req
220. Trust me,
I want twits that tittle.Copy !req
221. Then you're
gonna have to sink
to Bender's level.Copy !req
222. Stop acting like
the Queen of England.Copy !req
223. Who's that?
The Queen of England?Copy !req
224. Excuse me.
I have to... Someplace.Copy !req
225. That was odd.
Where'd that
singing come from?Copy !req
226. It wasn't the goat.
All of its orifices
are in use.Copy !req
227. I dreamed
a dream in time gone byCopy !req
228. When hope was high
and life worth livingCopy !req
229. I dreamed that
love would never dieCopy !req
230. I dreamed that God
would be forgivingCopy !req
231. What the hell is that?
Nothing.Copy !req
232. I'm not nothing.Copy !req
233. All my life,
everyone's called me nothing.Copy !req
234. You have a boil on your butt
that sings show tunes
with you?Copy !req
235. Don't look at me.
I'm a freak.Copy !req
236. No, no, well...Copy !req
237. I've been ashamed of Susan
as long as I can remember.Copy !req
238. You named your boil Susan?Copy !req
239. A boil kinna have a name?
They also said
a boil kinna sing, but...Copy !req
240. Amazing grace
How...Copy !req
241. Ew! She's Scottish.Copy !req
242. I lance her every few months,
but she always grows back.Copy !req
243. It's hard enough
being a Cyclops,Copy !req
244. but if anyone
found out about Susan,
I'd be devastated.Copy !req
245. Amazing grace
How...Copy !req
246. Whoa! Gross.
Million-follower gross.Copy !req
247. Fry, delete that.
Delete that right now!Copy !req
248. What? Oh. Okay.Copy !req
249. So much for
a pleasant swim in vomit.Copy !req
250. Send.Copy !req
251. Did you delete it?Copy !req
252. Uh...Copy !req
253. Thanks, Fry,
you're a good friend.Copy !req
254. Amazing grace
How...Copy !req
255. Hey, there she goes
in the genuine.Copy !req
256. Let's get to hooting.Copy !req
257. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
258. If it ain'ts
the world's number ones
Internet sensation.Copy !req
259. Where? Also, what?Copy !req
260. Amazing grace...
How...Copy !req
261. Play it one more time.
No!Copy !req
262. It's humiliating
and degrading to Leela.
Play it 10 more times.Copy !req
263. I know I shouldn't
have twitted that,Copy !req
264. but not swimming in barf
might ease my conscience.Copy !req
265. But if Leela should find out,
her dignity sac will rupture.Copy !req
266. That's why we can't
let her see this.Copy !req
267. Leela, lock the door
so Leela doesn't...Copy !req
268. How could you do this?Copy !req
269. Poor Mr. Chunks.
At least he died
doing what he loved.Copy !req
270. He's in a better place now.Copy !req
271. There,
I turned a regular board
into a diving board.Copy !req
272. Impending news, everyone.Copy !req
273. We're about to learn
the winner of the bet.Copy !req
274. Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy.Copy !req
275. I hope it's me.Copy !req
276. Wait a minute.
There's a chance
I could lose?Copy !req
277. That wasn't
part of the deal.Copy !req
278. Sweet Georgia Brown
of Kingston Town.
It's a tie.Copy !req
279. Since no one lost,
no one has to jump.Copy !req
280. All right, a tie!
I win again!Copy !req
281. I'm a scuzzball.Copy !req
282. Don't feel bad.
At least you're not Leela.Copy !req
283. A tie?Copy !req
284. This worked out better
than I could have hoped.Copy !req
285. Now I'll have two
million zombies.Copy !req
286. Actually, Fry and Bender
may share some of
the same followers.Copy !req
287. All we can say
for sure is thatCopy !req
288. there will be
between one million
and two million zombies.Copy !req
289. All I can say
for sure is...Copy !req
290. Now, stop getting slapped
and power up the twit-worm!Copy !req
291. It's both
disgusting and inspiring,
like Jared from Subway.Copy !req
292. Okay, I'm a freak
with a singing butt boil,Copy !req
293. but I'm still a human being,
more or less.Copy !req
294. Singing butts boil?
That's yesterdays's news.Copy !req
295. Like that giant caterpillar
what ate Jared from Subway.Copy !req
296. Nows us Internet geeks
gots a whole new
video sensation.Copy !req
297. So, my humiliation
is over?Copy !req
298. Who are you?Copy !req
299. And now, to create
an unstoppable armyCopy !req
300. of between one and two
million zombies!Copy !req
301. Shouldn't you
wait for the weather
to clear up?Copy !req
302. No. I give you
the twit-worm!Copy !req
303. Send.Copy !req
304. I'm sick of my head
doing things.Copy !req
305. Leela!Copy !req
306. Fry,
I came to talk to you.Copy !req
307. No,
I came to talk to you.Copy !req
308. It looked like you
were just sitting there,
but whatever.Copy !req
309. I am so, so sorry
for what I did,Copy !req
310. and I know I can never
make it up to you.Copy !req
311. You don't have to apologize.
In fact, I came to thank you.Copy !req
312. I think you mean hit me.Copy !req
313. Everyone knows my secret,
but no one cares.Copy !req
314. I have nothing
to hide anymore.Copy !req
315. Fry, thanks to
your selfish rudeness,Copy !req
316. a terrible weight has been
lifted from my heart.Copy !req
317. That's not
the only place you need
a terrible weight lifted.Copy !req
318. Susan and I are agreed.Copy !req
319. For the first time
in our lives, we're not
ashamed of who we are.Copy !req
320. I was never ashamed.Copy !req
321. Come here.Copy !req
322. What stinks?
Were you rolling
around in New Jersey?Copy !req
323. Leela, I knew I could
never make it up to you,Copy !req
324. so I did the next best thing.Copy !req
325. I put myself through
the same humiliation
I put you through.Copy !req
326. Aw. You didn't
have to do that.Copy !req
327. I didn't? Damn.Copy !req
328. Don't worry. By tomorrow,
no one will remember.Copy !req
329. Can I have another hug?
No.Copy !req
330. Hold your nose
and give it a go.Copy !req
331. Introducing
the all-new eyePhone 2.0.Copy !req
332. Dumb bastards.Copy !req