Futurama 5x8

Directed by Wes Archer

Still unable to impress Leela, Fry sadly suspects that he has no importance in life - until Nibbler takes him on a mission to prevent the brains from destroying the universe. In the process, Fry learns what really happened when he was cryogenically frozen on December 31, 1999.

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1. Delivery boy Philip J. Fry, reporting for duty.

2. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine.

3. What is the meaning of this?

4. We've got a delivery, people. Let's move, let's move.

5. Amy, mission profile.

6. Interesting.

7. Interesting.

8. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag?

9. Packed and ready, sir.

10. What's this?

11. This is the same toy surprise I got last time.

12. I can't work under these conditions.

13. And without me, there is no mission.

14. I am the mission.

15. We're back from the mission.

16. Wha... You went without me?

17. You were looking up curse words in the dictionary.

18. It seemed like a better use of your time.

19. But... But I'm the delivery boy.

20. Don't worry, everything went fine.

21. Better than usual.

22. We got medals.

23. Good work, team.

24. We really pulled together on this one.

25. Whoo-hoo!

26. They got medals.

27. I'm real sorry I missed the mission.

28. I wasn't there and you might have needed me.

29. Nope.

30. - But if I had been there... - Nope.

31. - Li... - Nope.

32. - Bender's great. - Nope.

33. Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight.

34. Nope.

35. I've got a date with Chaz.

36. Chaz?

37. I met him at that charity cockfight last week.

38. He's the mayor's aide.

39. Ooh, you go, mutant girl.

40. Ooh!

41. I do go. He's a very important man.

42. So? I'm just as important as him.

43. It's just that, the kind of importance I have,

44. it doesn't matter if I don't do it.

45. I'm nobody.

46. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics

47. who are more important than me.

48. Aw, buck up, meatloaf.

49. Bender will take you out tonight and cheer you up.

50. What do you want to do? And I mean anything.

51. You have the power.

52. Name it and I'm there.

53. You the man.

54. Well, okay.

55. Let's go bowling.

56. Nah.

57. Table for two?

58. Step right this way.

59. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation

60. but, um, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide.

61. Table for two, please.

62. Okay, then.

63. Bam!

64. It's okay, my man.

65. I got you covered on your next health inspection.

66. Aw, I really appreciate that, Mr. Mayor's aide.

67. Here you go.

68. Compliments of the house.

69. Wow, free bread at a restaurant.

70. Is there anything you can't do?

71. I can't fail the mayor.

72. Not ever.

73. Oh...

74. Oh, geez, better not let Leela see me.

75. Hey, I hear Fry.

76. Boy, am I glad you're here.

77. You are? So things aren't working out with what's-his-name?

78. Actually, they are.

79. Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight.

80. Could you walk Nibbler for me?

81. And bring a baggie in case he drops a steamer.

82. Have a great night.

83. Oh, no, please, no...

84. Oh, perfect.

85. Whoa-ho-ho, smells like a 2-8-9 in progress.

86. Failure to scoop.

87. Aw, yeah.

88. Wait, I'm trying.

89. It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

90. Don't worry, Fry.

91. I'll pull some strings, see if I can't get you tried as a juvenile.

92. Oh, Chaz.

93. I'm as worthless as this trash can.

94. You think I'm as worthless as you?

95. Try catching garbage in your head

96. and raising six kids, you dumb townie.

97. Oh, Nibbler, at least I'm important to you.

98. Even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop.

99. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.

100. Did you just talk?

101. Indeed.

102. And I have other amazing powers as well.

103. Like what?

104. Are you my mommy?

105. Negative.

106. Ooh...

107. Welcome, Lord Nibbler.

108. Welcome acknowledged.

109. I bring with me the Mighty One.

110. Huh?

111. At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition.

112. Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy.

113. Stop that!

114. Uh, please.

115. Your Mightiness.

116. Mightiness? Are you off your nut?

117. I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

118. - Does he not know? - He does not know.

119. - He knows not? - Knows not does he.

120. - Not he knows... - Enough!

121. Fry, it is my duty to inform you

122. that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race,

123. indeed, the fate of all that exists and ever will exist

124. rests with you.

125. You are the single most important person in the universe.

126. Oh, snap.

127. On this auspicious occasion,

128. let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast.

129. The feast of a thousand beasts is begun.

130. - You gonna eat that? - Maybe later.

131. The time has come to discuss matters of the gravest importance.

132. Fry, do you remember some months ago

133. when Earth was attacked by flying brains?

134. Hmm... I remember the square-dancing stomachs,

135. although that might have been a Mylanta commercial.

136. Wait, the brains! I do remember.

137. But no one else does. They said I was crazy.

138. On the contrary.

139. You remember because you were the only one immune

140. to the brains' mental attack.

141. Because I'm so smart?

142. Oh, my.

143. Anyway, your immunity is due to the fact

144. that you lack the delta brain wave.

145. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted

146. when you went back in time and performed certain actions

147. which made you your own grandfather.

148. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

149. Verily.

150. And that past-nastification is what shields you from the brains.

151. You are the last hope of the universe.

152. So I really am important?

153. How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?

154. Yes.

155. Except, the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

156. For a thousand years,

157. the evil brains have been constructing the "Info-Sphere,"

158. a giant memory bank twice the size of three ordinary memory banks.

159. What's so evil about that?

160. They plan to collect all the information in the universe

161. and store it within the sphere.

162. - So they're trying to learn things? - Right.

163. Those bastards!

164. Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything.

165. And soon they will.

166. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

167. Once their task is complete,

168. they will ensure that no new information arises

169. in the only way possible,

170. by destroying the universe.

171. Now it's personal.

172. Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere

173. and plant this Quantum Interphase Bomb,

174. blasting them into an alternate universe

175. from which there is no return.

176. Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff, Jr.

177. Okay, let's go through this once more from the start...

178. Brains!

179. Fear not, Mighty One.

180. Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them

181. so long as you avoid intense thinking.

182. Sorry, what?

183. I wasn't paying attention.

184. - That is most wise. - Who?

185. In a few seconds, the brains will finish scanning

186. the last bits of information in the universe.

187. "Beavers mate for life."

188. "Eleven greater than four."

189. "For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse."

190. Now the Info-Sphere will open its protective crust

191. so as to scan itself,

192. completing its thousand-year task.

193. This is your one chance to enter the Sphere.

194. Scoot! Scoot now!

195. I'm at the input console.

196. I'm a little nervous, and I've got brain in my butt crack.

197. Roger.

198. Once you press the detonator,

199. you will have 60 seconds for an exciting escape.

200. Hey, wait.

201. This brain knows everything about everything, right?

202. It will soon.

203. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb.

204. Yeah, yeah.

205. But I can't pass up a chance to learn the answers

206. to the greatest questions of all time.

207. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of...

208. Correct. Toad mucus!

209. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb.

210. Wait, wait, wait.

211. What really killed the dinosaurs?

212. Me!

213. Unauthorized data access.

214. Uh-oh.

215. Detecting trace amounts of mental activity.

216. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer.

217. Ew, gross. Cut it out.

218. Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack.

219. Impossible. We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove.

220. It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one.

221. But without his Scooty-Puff, Jr., he cannot escape.

222. Huh?

223. A Quantum Interface Bomb?

224. Are you insane in the membrane?

225. You got it, Poindexter.

226. Not good!

227. Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds.

228. You fool!

229. You'll be transported to the other universe with us,

230. trapped there for all eternity!

231. And we'll form a tightly-knit clique that you won't be part of.

232. Well, at least I did one important thing with my life.

233. Leading good to victory over evil!

234. - Hurray! - Yeah!

235. Exactly!

236. The Nibblonians, good?

237. Ha! During your last moments in this universe,

238. perhaps you should query our database

239. concerning the night of December 31, 1999.

240. The day I got frozen? What about it?

241. No. Uh, don't ask about that.

242. It would be, uh, boring.

243. Ah, forget it, then.

244. - Query! - Okay. Sheesh.

245. What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999?

246. Clarification request.

247. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth

248. or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A?

249. Earth, you fat idiot. Hurry up.

250. Hello?

251. Pizza delivery for, uh...

252. Oh, crud.

253. Ugh, I can't believe how fat I look.

254. Aah, Nibbler's there.

255. Wait, what!

256. What the...

257. I... I don't understand.

258. You made me go in the freezer tube?

259. Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds.

260. You little runts froze me.

261. You took away my life.

262. We can explain.

263. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap!

264. We had no choice.

265. You were the only one who could help us.

266. What is one life weighedagainst the entire universe?

267. But it was my life.

268. Detonation in two, one...

269. Will the owner of a white Pontiac Firebird...

270. Oh, never mind. Zero!

271. Well, here we are.

272. Trapped for eternity.

273. We could sing American Pie.

274. Go ahead. I deserve it.

275. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

276. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation!

277. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe.

278. You're not in charge anymore.

279. It is possible for the Philip Fry

280. to resume his life on December 31, 1999.

281. Really? I can go back in time?

282. There is a nexus point between universes

283. at the space-time where you entered the cryogenic tube.

284. You, and only you, can return there.

285. Interesting.

286. You could stop the Nibblonian from pushing you into the cryogenic tube.

287. That is interesting.

288. Why?

289. It will be as if you never came to the future.

290. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan

291. to understand and destroy the universe.

292. Everybody wins.

293. The human will be returned to the past.

294. Meanwhile...

295. I love rocket skating.

296. But the wait is always so long.

297. Poor Fry once stood on line six hours just to get me a ticket.

298. Six hours? Pfft. Sounds like a real nobody.

299. But now it's time for somebody, and some chick he's with, to go skating.

300. You reserved the whole rink?

301. Yep. Buzzed ahead, let them know whose aide was coming by.

302. The mayor's, that's whose.

303. Oh, Chaz!

304. Mm...

305. Mr. Vogel? I thought we was going skating.

306. No, we're not important enough.

307. Everybody just hold hands

308. until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.

309. Aw, let's let those kids skate with us.

310. What, seriously?

311. I'm trying to impress you with my clout here.

312. I know, and it's working.

313. But think how much skating would mean to those kids.

314. We came here instead of eating today.

315. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives.

316. Who are we to say they can't?

317. The mayor's aide, and this badge.

318. Beat it, kids!

319. Come back when you got connections!

320. All right, little ones.

321. Back to the Orphanarium.

322. You can slide around the gym in your socks.

323. What socks?

324. So, am I going to get lucky tonight, or what?

325. I hope your calculations are correct.

326. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains.

327. Initiate space-time transfer.

328. I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza.

329. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

330. I, period, C, period, Wiener.

331. Uh, talk a little louder.

332. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on you or something.

333. Hello?

334. Pizza delivery for, uh...

335. "I.C. Wiener"?

336. Oh, crud.

337. Gotcha!

338. I don't understand.

339. Yes, you do.

340. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer,

341. and now I came back in time to stop you.

342. I did not come back in time.

343. My people lack that ability.

344. But I know you in the future.

345. I cleaned your poop.

346. Quite possible.

347. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

348. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

349. Not if you don't freeze me.

350. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years,

351. for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you.

352. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now.

353. Well, why couldn't you just ask me?

354. We were afraid you would refuse.

355. Of course not. I love the future.

356. Then why are you choking me right now?

357. Because I don't like being used.

358. Well, now it's your choice.

359. Is there nothing in the future worth saving?

360. Hmm... Leela.

361. But she doesn't think much of me.

362. Ah, she must be the Other.

363. The... Wha...

364. You must not give up on her.

365. I am stationed on a distant world known as Vergon 6,

366. but if you return to the future,

367. I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

368. Ten...

369. You really think I would've had a chance with Leela?

370. - You must choose. - ... seven, six...

371. The present or the future.

372. To save yourself or save Leela.

373. two, one.

374. Yes! Here I come, future.

375. Oh, no. Wait!

376. I'm going to get trapped in the Info-Sphere again.

377. Just remember that Scooty-Puff, Jr. sucks...

378. In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

379. And so, a thousand years later,

380. Fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere

381. and set off his amazing bomb.

382. Only this time...

383. Thank you for saving the universe, Fry.

384. Here.

385. Wow, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask.

386. Oh, we will.

387. We will.

388. Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened.

389. Yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover

390. so I'm blanking your memory.

391. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

392. Oh, well. Let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

393. Bender, would you do the honors?

394. With gusto.

395. Hey, Leela.

396. I guess I got this for you.

397. Oh. Thank you.

398. You know what, Fry?

399. I don't care if you're not the most important person in the universe.

400. It really makes me happy to see you right now.

401. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

402. Yes!