1. Whoo-hoo! Yeah!Copy !req
2. Whoa! Ah!Copy !req
3. Shman! The great rad spot
is mega-sweet for party-boarding!Copy !req
4. Indeed.Copy !req
5. Any calls while I was out?Copy !req
6. Yeah.Copy !req
7. You got a telesonic transmission
from Kif a couple hours ago.Copy !req
8. My Kiffy called?Copy !req
9. Kif?Copy !req
10. Ooh, Amy, you're back!Copy !req
11. Another hour and I would have
thought about hanging up.Copy !req
12. Why didn't you just
leave a message, sweetie?Copy !req
13. Well, um, I've left hundreds of messagesCopy !req
14. with your answering machineCopy !req
15. but you never seem to get them.Copy !req
16. Bender!Copy !req
17. It's not my fault if you don't check me.Copy !req
18. Messages erased.Copy !req
19. Oh, dearest,
this long distance relationshipCopy !req
20. is too much to bear.Copy !req
21. When even an inch separates us,
I quiver with misery.Copy !req
22. So you can imagine how I feel
when it's a billion light-years.Copy !req
23. Kif, don't cry,
or you'll get a tummy ache.Copy !req
24. Lieutenant, some things came off me
and clogged the drainCopy !req
25. so if you could... Oh-ho!Copy !req
26. What's this?Copy !req
27. Well, well, well.Copy !req
28. Do my eyes believe me
or it that my bosomy swan, Leela?Copy !req
29. Say again? You're breaking up.Copy !req
30. Oh!Copy !req
31. Good news, everyone!Copy !req
32. You'll be delivering pain medicine
to the Hive Mind of Nigel 7.Copy !req
33. Scruffy's rolling out a large pill.Copy !req
34. You're going to Nigel 7?Copy !req
35. Kif's on patrol near there.Copy !req
36. You could drop me off on the way.Copy !req
37. We could, but we won't!Copy !req
38. It's a spaceship, damn it,
not a prom limousine.Copy !req
39. Ooh! If anyone needs me,
I'll be in the angry dome.Copy !req
40. This is a very long trip,Copy !req
41. so we'll all have to go into
hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.Copy !req
42. Aw, I don't even breathe oxygen.Copy !req
43. Here I come, Kif.Copy !req
44. They jumped right out of their pants.Copy !req
45. Oh, what now?Copy !req
46. Activate glass window.Copy !req
47. Kif, I'm sensing a very
sensual disturbance in the force.Copy !req
48. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy.Copy !req
49. Yes, sir, Captain.Copy !req
50. How about I help you finish that dream
you were having about me?Copy !req
51. Okay. I was just at this part.Copy !req
52. Oh, eh, let's try that
a little lower and a lot softer.Copy !req
53. Imagine you stowing away
and stealing a licensed starship!Copy !req
54. Oh, it's so romantic,
it gives me the shivers!Copy !req
55. I don't care how much trouble I get in.Copy !req
56. I needed to feel my lips
pressed against your lipless beak.Copy !req
57. Oh, Amy, I can't stand having
a whole universe between us.Copy !req
58. I've been thinking a lot about this
and, well, would you move in with me?Copy !req
59. Here? But, uh...Copy !req
60. Wouldn't it be crowded?Copy !req
61. Well, no, no. It's really twice the size.Copy !req
62. You can use the floor,
and I'll have the ceiling.Copy !req
63. See?Copy !req
64. Kif, you have so much
creativity and niceness,Copy !req
65. but I'm not sure if I...Copy !req
66. Hush. Before you answer, come thither.Copy !req
67. This is the Holo-Shed.Copy !req
68. It can simulate anything you desireCopy !req
69. and nothing can hurt you,
except when it malfunctionsCopy !req
70. and the holograms become real.Copy !req
71. Well, that probably
won't happen this time.Copy !req
72. I wanted to show you what life
could be like if we were together.Copy !req
73. Computer, run program "Kif One."Copy !req
74. This is so beautiful!Copy !req
75. Spirit!Copy !req
76. Kif, that's the pony I always wantedCopy !req
77. but my parents said
I had too many ponies already.Copy !req
78. Yes, I programmed it in for you.Copy !req
79. Four million lines of BASIC.Copy !req
80. And... And if this isn't the life
you want, how about this?Copy !req
81. Run program "Kif Two."Copy !req
82. Oh, Kif!Copy !req
83. We could live here at the shore
of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a time-share.Copy !req
84. And I would pluck the moon from the skyCopy !req
85. just to see you smile.Copy !req
86. Almost got it.Copy !req
87. It seems to be sort of stuck.Copy !req
88. I love you!Copy !req
89. Ooh!Copy !req
90. Run program "Kif colon slash slash three."Copy !req
91. This isn't bad.Copy !req
92. My aunt had a place like this.Copy !req
93. Amy, we could live in
a bus station bathroom for all I care.Copy !req
94. As long as we're together,
it'll feel like a castle to me.Copy !req
95. Kif, I'd love to live with you... Someday.Copy !req
96. But before then, there's still lots
I want to do on my own.Copy !req
97. What was that?Copy !req
98. Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed
might be broken again.Copy !req
99. Well, as long as we don't
cross paths with Attila the...Copy !req
100. Look... Spirit!Copy !req
101. And there's Professor Moriarty.Copy !req
102. Jack the Ripper.Copy !req
103. Evil Lincoln.Copy !req
104. Right-o, gents.Copy !req
105. It's another simulation gone mad,
so murder and mayhem.Copy !req
106. Standard procedure.Copy !req
107. Real holographic simulated
evil Lincoln is back!Copy !req
108. The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again.Copy !req
109. The characters turned real!Copy !req
110. Damn! The last time that happened,
I got slapped with three paternity suits.Copy !req
111. - Oh, my God!
- I want Daddy!Copy !req
112. Listen up, history's greatest villains.Copy !req
113. Get back into the Holo-Shed
before I start blasting.Copy !req
114. Stop!Copy !req
115. No shoot fire stick in space canoe!Copy !req
116. Cause explosive decompression!Copy !req
117. Spare me your space-age
techno-babble, Attila the Hun.Copy !req
118. Oh!Copy !req
119. Hey!Copy !req
120. Kif, hold on!Copy !req
121. I totally want to!Copy !req
122. Grab on!Copy !req
123. - Over here!
- Please hold me. Oh, dear.Copy !req
124. Have a good one.Copy !req
125. Ow! Oh...Copy !req
126. Aw, man!Copy !req
127. Whew! After all that,
I could use some relaxation.Copy !req
128. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.Copy !req
129. Well, except for a few broken bones,
some internal hemorrhagingCopy !req
130. and a partially barfed-up heart,
everyone appears fine.Copy !req
131. Whew!Copy !req
132. Oh, and Kif is pregnant.Copy !req
133. Oh, joy!Copy !req
134. Amy, isn't it wonderful?Copy !req
135. I'm pregnant.Copy !req
136. Yes, it's great.Copy !req
137. A great miracle.Copy !req
138. And not one of those bogus
everyday miracles like a sunrise.Copy !req
139. Aren't you a male?Copy !req
140. Yeah, what's the deal?Copy !req
141. Just when I thought
I figured out you biological creatures,Copy !req
142. it's something else!Copy !req
143. Let me at him!Copy !req
144. I'm going to take...Copy !req
145. Look, I'm sure we're all a little unclear
on how anyone gets pregnant.Copy !req
146. So, Kif, pray explain,Copy !req
147. and don't spare the dirty words
where appropriate.Copy !req
148. Well, it's quite simple, really.Copy !req
149. When one of my species
experiences deep feelings of love,Copy !req
150. we enter a so-called "receptive state."Copy !req
151. You disgust me. Go on.Copy !req
152. At that point,Copy !req
153. our skin becomes a semi-permeable membraneCopy !req
154. which allows the passage
of genetic material.Copy !req
155. I held Amy's hand, and voilà.Copy !req
156. Well, okay,
but that better be all there is.Copy !req
157. Oh, Amy, you'll be a mother!Copy !req
158. What a wondrous affirmation of our love
and all from the touch of your hand.Copy !req
159. Dude, hold up.Copy !req
160. Remember when Zapp
blew a hole in the ship?Copy !req
161. Indeed.Copy !req
162. Kif touched everybody there.Copy !req
163. Couldn't any one of us be the mother?Copy !req
164. Hey, yeah!Copy !req
165. I mean, what about that, Kif?Copy !req
166. Well, I suppose I might have
gotten pregnant that way,Copy !req
167. or even from a toilet seat,Copy !req
168. though that's impossible
since I have a private washroom.Copy !req
169. Ah, my home away from home.Copy !req
170. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be
set on "stun," not "kill."Copy !req
171. Look, Kif, I probably am the mother
although maybe I'm not.Copy !req
172. Of course, I hope I am,Copy !req
173. but just in case I'm not,
maybe we should have a test.Copy !req
174. A test!Copy !req
175. I demand a test!Copy !req
176. Even I laughed at meCopy !req
177. when I built this alien
cross-species genetic analyzer,Copy !req
178. but I guess I showed myself.Copy !req
179. Subjects, please enter the chamber.Copy !req
180. Now to take a DNA sample.Copy !req
181. When I pull this switch,Copy !req
182. the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 RPM,Copy !req
183. separating out everyone
who isn't the mother...Copy !req
184. Father... Whatever.Copy !req
185. Faster, faster!Copy !req
186. Good! Fry's ejection indicates
that he is not the man-mama.Copy !req
187. Nor is Captain Brannigan.Copy !req
188. Oh, thank you, merciful God.Copy !req
189. Zoidberg? What the hell
were you doing in there?Copy !req
190. That's where I live.Copy !req
191. I have no home.Copy !req
192. Amy? But that means...Copy !req
193. Leela must have impregnated me
when she grabbed my ungloved hand.Copy !req
194. That explains the poster
in hygiene class...Copy !req
195. "No glove, no love."Copy !req
196. Wow, this is all so confusing.Copy !req
197. Leela, how could you?Copy !req
198. Our love has had to endure
your constant hatred,Copy !req
199. and now this?Copy !req
200. Stop testing our love!Copy !req
201. Oh, please, Captain.Copy !req
202. I thank Leela for the DNA she gave me,Copy !req
203. but in my species,Copy !req
204. the true parent is the one
who inspired the initial feeling of love.Copy !req
205. We call that person the Smizmar,
and my Smizmar is Amy.Copy !req
206. So the toilet seat is like
the uncle or something?Copy !req
207. Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant.Copy !req
208. That's okay.Copy !req
209. At least Kif's baby shower should be fun.Copy !req
210. I better put it on my calendar.Copy !req
211. Thursday, baby shower. Enter.Copy !req
212. Might as well plan
for my new life while I'm at it.Copy !req
213. Set motherhood mode.Copy !req
214. To motherhood.Copy !req
215. Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but...Copy !req
216. Yeah, yeah, we don't care how
squishy alien get pregnant.Copy !req
217. All we care is that
we have grandchild now.Copy !req
218. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong.Copy !req
219. Hey, you call her Grandma now.Copy !req
220. Call me Grandma like crazy. All the time.Copy !req
221. Check it out, y'all.Copy !req
222. Everyone we invited is here...Copy !req
223. Also Zoidberg!Copy !req
224. so let's open the gifts!Copy !req
225. Can't wait.
We'll start with this one from Bender.Copy !req
226. It's my booties from when I was a kid.Copy !req
227. Uh, they're already bronzed.Copy !req
228. They are bronze.Copy !req
229. And this one's from Leela.Copy !req
230. Oh, I just love the bow.Copy !req
231. I wonder what it is.Copy !req
232. Yes, I wonder what we got you.Copy !req
233. It's a basket.Copy !req
234. For picnics?Copy !req
235. It means a lot to me.Copy !req
236. It's the basket my parents left me in
at the Orphanarium.Copy !req
237. You could use it for picnics.Copy !req
238. Here, Amy. We get this one for you.Copy !req
239. Oh, is it a new party-board?Copy !req
240. It's a board, all right.Copy !req
241. An ironing board.Copy !req
242. We had your old party-board converted
now that you not be partying anymore.Copy !req
243. You... You trashed my party-board?Copy !req
244. Damn right.Copy !req
245. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do
is under a big wave of responsibility.Copy !req
246. Oh, this is the happiest
moment of my life.Copy !req
247. You all brought such wonderful gifts,
but the greatest gift...Copy !req
248. Mine!Copy !req
249. is the bond I share
with my Smizmar Amy,Copy !req
250. for soon, the quivering
mass of life within meCopy !req
251. will depend upon us both.Copy !req
252. Even now, I can sense itCopy !req
253. feeding, squirming, searching, questing,Copy !req
254. and shortly,
it will rend my loins in twain,Copy !req
255. burst forth and pull us down, down, downCopy !req
256. into the deep, dark waters of commitment.Copy !req
257. That's so beautiful.Copy !req
258. Yes, it's... It's...Copy !req
259. No, I can't do this!Copy !req
260. Oh, how could Amy leave me?Copy !req
261. When will women learn
to take responsibilityCopy !req
262. for the children they've helped create?Copy !req
263. The quickening! My time is near!Copy !req
264. I must return to my homeworld
to perform the ancient birthing rites.Copy !req
265. Let me know how that turns out.Copy !req
266. I must now embark on a perilous journeyCopy !req
267. to give birth in precisely the same swamp
in which I was born.Copy !req
268. If it's so dangerous,
I'd better go with you.Copy !req
269. A gal has to protect her DNA.Copy !req
270. No, Leela.Copy !req
271. Tradition demands that
I make this journey with my Smizmar,Copy !req
272. and since Amy isn't here,
I must go it alone.Copy !req
273. Farewell, for we may never meet again.Copy !req
274. My scrapes feel a little better now.Copy !req
275. Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing?Copy !req
276. A frog, a toad, or yo' mama?Copy !req
277. It's a poisonous froad!Copy !req
278. No one move.Copy !req
279. I'm back, baby.Copy !req
280. Behold...Copy !req
281. The sacred ancestral
birthing grounds of my family.Copy !req
282. Smells like a jockstrap.Copy !req
283. I am the Grand Midwife!Copy !req
284. Hi.Copy !req
285. I am Kif of the clan Kroker,
come to bear my young.Copy !req
286. Then let the tea of new life be brewed.Copy !req
287. As it is writ,
"And both shall lift the jug together."Copy !req
288. Where is your Smizmar?Copy !req
289. She is not with me.Copy !req
290. Oh, the sorrow!Copy !req
291. Oh, the shame!Copy !req
292. I'm sorry. I'm probably just
making you feel worse.Copy !req
293. As long as Amy is with me in my heart,Copy !req
294. I will have the strength of two.Copy !req
295. Apparently Amy hasn't been
working out much lately.Copy !req
296. As the tea boils,Copy !req
297. please join hands
with your beloved Smizmar.Copy !req
298. Oh, right.Copy !req
299. Sorry, but I've memorized
the ceremony by roteCopy !req
300. and it mentions her a lot.Copy !req
301. I'll try to endure.Copy !req
302. Good, 'cause I'm not changing it.Copy !req
303. Now turn, ye two,
and gaze deeply into each other's eyes.Copy !req
304. What are you looking at?Copy !req
305. May the love I sense
between you at this momentCopy !req
306. remain with you both
through all your days.Copy !req
307. The tea of new life is ready.Copy !req
308. Let those whose love created this lifeCopy !req
309. speak each other's names, then drink.Copy !req
310. Amy.Copy !req
311. Kif!Copy !req
312. Amy, is it you
or have I gone crazy with loneliness?Copy !req
313. Both!Copy !req
314. I still don't know if I'm ready for this,Copy !req
315. but I do know I love youCopy !req
316. and I want to be here beside you.Copy !req
317. Great, now I lost my place.Copy !req
318. I'm starting over.Copy !req
319. Oh, no time.Copy !req
320. It is begun.Copy !req
321. Oh, my...Copy !req
322. Ew.Copy !req
323. Neat!Copy !req
324. You can do it, Kif.Copy !req
325. Ooh, nilly!Copy !req
326. Oh, man!Copy !req
327. Amy, my love, tell me,
are they making it to the water?Copy !req
328. Amy!Copy !req
329. Shoo!Copy !req
330. Stay away from my babies!Copy !req
331. The birthing is complete.Copy !req
332. Oh, thank goodness.Copy !req
333. I will now take my leave.Copy !req
334. I live here, so I won't actually
be going anywhere,Copy !req
335. but you don't have to talk to me anymore.Copy !req
336. - Congratulations!
- Nice work.Copy !req
337. Way to go, squishy!Copy !req
338. There goes my DNA.Copy !req
339. What a disgusting and beautiful process.Copy !req
340. That's birth for you.Copy !req
341. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy,Copy !req
342. and in 20 years, they'll sprout legs
and crawl back onto land as children.Copy !req
343. I'll be ready then.Copy !req