1. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
2. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
3. There's no denying it, the future's crazy.Copy !req
4. Oh, well, don't want to stand out.Copy !req
5. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
6. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
7. There's nothing crazy about it.Copy !req
8. It's just Freedom Day.Copy !req
9. So, what is Freedom Day?Copy !req
10. Sounds like some kind
of feminine hygiene product.Copy !req
11. No. It's a fabulous, crabulous day!Copy !req
12. If you want to do something, you do it,Copy !req
13. and to spleck with the consequences!Copy !req
14. You know, like how I live every day.Copy !req
15. Happy Freedom Day!Copy !req
16. Oh, I think my wrist is broken.Copy !req
17. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom DayCopy !req
18. without the traditional freedom tub.Copy !req
19. - Ooh.
- Wow, baby.Copy !req
20. Mm, that'll feel nice
on my shattered bones.Copy !req
21. Wow, nude hot-tubbing?Copy !req
22. That's all I need to hear
about Freedom Day.Copy !req
23. Then consider
the following lecture a bonus.Copy !req
24. On Earth, freedom is a given.Copy !req
25. But on my planet,
we have to suffer for it.Copy !req
26. Sure, you can be a comedian
instead of a doctor,Copy !req
27. if you want your parents
to roll over in their graves!Copy !req
28. Sure, you can vote for Shknadel,Copy !req
29. if you want there should be a recession!Copy !req
30. Sure, you can go to medical school,Copy !req
31. if you've given up
on your dream of being a comedian!Copy !req
32. That's why I love Earth.
You can do what you wantCopy !req
33. and no one makes you feel guilty
because no one cares.Copy !req
34. We're not listening!Copy !req
35. That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
36. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
37. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
38. Excuse me, coming through!Copy !req
39. Freedom Train arriving on track one.Copy !req
40. - Ow, you broke my foot!
- Freedom!Copy !req
41. What's this next float, Linda?Copy !req
42. Representing our men, women
and children in uniform,Copy !req
43. it's Earth's greatest space hero,
Zapp Brannigan.Copy !req
44. Happy Freedom Day, ladies.Copy !req
45. Come on, let loose and show me something.Copy !req
46. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit.Copy !req
47. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Linda.Copy !req
48. You're welcome!Copy !req
49. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.Copy !req
50. If that is your Freedom Day wish...Copy !req
51. Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.Copy !req
52. My fellow Earthicans...Copy !req
53. We enjoy so much freedom,
it's almost sickening.Copy !req
54. We're free to choose which hand
our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.Copy !req
55. And if we don't want to pay our taxesCopy !req
56. why, we're free to spend a weekend
with the Pain Monster.Copy !req
57. See you April 15, folks!Copy !req
58. Cue the fireworks guy.Copy !req
59. - Ooh...
- Ah...Copy !req
60. Incidentally, tonight's
Freedom Day celebrationCopy !req
61. is brought to you byCopy !req
62. Shankman's Rubbing Compound.Copy !req
63. When something needs rubbing,
think Shankman.Copy !req
64. Yeah, Shankman!Copy !req
65. It costs a little more, but it's worth it.Copy !req
66. Our planet has been through
so much this past year,Copy !req
67. wars, droughts, impeachments,Copy !req
68. but we've never lost our sense
of what's truly important,Copy !req
69. the great taste of Charleston Chew.Copy !req
70. And now, let us saluteCopy !req
71. that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag,Copy !req
72. Ol' Freebie.Copy !req
73. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.Copy !req
74. In our darkest hour,Copy !req
75. we can stand erect
with proud, upthrust bosoms...Copy !req
76. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.Copy !req
77. knowing that,
with a shifty glance skyward,Copy !req
78. we will see by the rocket's red glareCopy !req
79. that our flag is still there.Copy !req
80. It's gone!Copy !req
81. Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag!Copy !req
82. And I did it with pride.Copy !req
83. For to express oneself by doing a thingCopy !req
84. is the very essence of Freedom Day.Copy !req
85. Bless this planet
and all its wonderful people.Copy !req
86. Kill him!Copy !req
87. Kill the traitor!Copy !req
88. Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!Copy !req
89. Stop that Red menace!Copy !req
90. Oh, I'm all scuttled out.Copy !req
91. What?Copy !req
92. My planet's embassy?Copy !req
93. They're paid to not kill me.Copy !req
94. I thought I understood this world.Copy !req
95. I thought I was fitting in.Copy !req
96. But I guess I don't belong here
any more than I doCopy !req
97. on our crappy home planet.Copy !req
98. Ooh, sorry.Copy !req
99. What, sorry? Our planet stinks.
We all know it.Copy !req
100. Enough with the persecution, I'm saying.Copy !req
101. Zoidberg, as Ambassador,
I promise you the full supportCopy !req
102. of our government already.Copy !req
103. Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?Copy !req
104. Ambassador Moivin,
you and your staff are so kind.Copy !req
105. I am truly humbled.Copy !req
106. What, no marshmallows?Copy !req
107. Let's storm the place!Copy !req
108. Without my prior knowledge.Copy !req
109. Coming through,
Freedom Train, step aside.Copy !req
110. You, too, Fatso, freedom!Copy !req
111. Cool your jowls, Nixon.Copy !req
112. You may not like it that
Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag.Copy !req
113. You may even find the image
of it festering in his bowelsCopy !req
114. somehow offensive,Copy !req
115. but the right to freedom of expressionCopy !req
116. is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution.Copy !req
117. Maybe so.Copy !req
118. But I know a place where
the Constitution doesn't mean squat.Copy !req
119. The Supreme Court hereby accepts
the case of Earth v. Zoidberg.Copy !req
120. Sock it to 'em!Copy !req
121. Two, four, six, eight,
eating the flag is bad.Copy !req
122. Now, your noose knot
has exactly seven twists.Copy !req
123. You can eat my dogCopy !req
124. You can eat my truckCopy !req
125. But you eat my flag
and you're out of luckCopy !req
126. She's a-waving proud around the worldCopy !req
127. From Dallas to Fort WorthCopy !req
128. Let me say it again...Copy !req
129. Don't mess with Earth!Copy !req
130. They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.Copy !req
131. Posers. I was hating Zoidberg
before it was cool.Copy !req
132. Where are we ever going to find
a lawyer to take his case?Copy !req
133. I'll ask the head of the ACLU,Copy !req
134. once he's done singing.Copy !req
135. Don't mess with EarthCopy !req
136. Kill Zoidberg! Good night!Copy !req
137. Howdy there.Copy !req
138. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like
to help your friend out of this pickle.Copy !req
139. Who are you, old man?Copy !req
140. Name's Old Man Waterfall,Copy !req
141. but most folks just call me "Old Man."Copy !req
142. I'll never remember that.Copy !req
143. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.Copy !req
144. Name a body part and a planetCopy !req
145. and I've taken a bullet in it, on it,Copy !req
146. all to keep our flag flyin' free.Copy !req
147. And you want to defend Zoidberg?Copy !req
148. Are you familiar
with the old robot saying...Copy !req
149. "Does not compute"?Copy !req
150. Son, to me, a robot's just a garbage canCopy !req
151. with sparks coming out of it.Copy !req
152. The sparks keep me warm.Copy !req
153. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg didCopy !req
154. but I'll fight tooth and nail
for his freedom to do it.Copy !req
155. Or, I would, if I hadn't lost
my teeth and nailsCopy !req
156. on Mars and Saturn, respectively.Copy !req
157. Wait, you're a lawyer? You're hired!Copy !req
158. You okay there in the Embassy, Zoidberg?Copy !req
159. No. There's no cocoa marshmallows.Copy !req
160. And every night, the rats eat
a little more of my foot.Copy !req
161. Oyez, oyez, oyez.Copy !req
162. All rise for the Honorable Chief
Justice Myrtle FuCopy !req
163. and the Associate Justices.Copy !req
164. Counsel, you may address
the court on behalf of EarthCopy !req
165. if you're ready.Copy !req
166. I was hatched ready.Copy !req
167. Honorable Judgeheads,
yonder crawdad done et up our flag.Copy !req
168. I was doing freedom of speech.
Earth's most sacred right.Copy !req
169. Your Honor, freedom of speech
applies to what comes out of a mouth,Copy !req
170. not what goes in.Copy !req
171. Can Counsel cite precedent?Copy !req
172. Uh, yes, darlin', I can.Copy !req
173. In State of Alabama
vs. Giant Space Iguana,Copy !req
174. chewing the corners off the Constitution
was deemed nonprotected speech.Copy !req
175. He shut you up, O'Connor.Copy !req
176. Mr. Waterfall,Copy !req
177. you may now present arguments
on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg.Copy !req
178. Oh, God, I'm nervous.Copy !req
179. Two of my three hearts are having attacks.Copy !req
180. Court's kind of fun
when it's not my ass on the line.Copy !req
181. Nachos?Copy !req
182. Oh, Land O' Goshen.Copy !req
183. Your Honors, I'm not
some slick, big-city lawyerCopy !req
184. like my opponent here...Copy !req
185. but I am a veteran
who has fought for his planet.Copy !req
186. You see this hand of mine?Copy !req
187. Yes, I do.Copy !req
188. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real handCopy !req
189. planting the flag
when we took back Halley's Comet.Copy !req
190. Yet it was worth it,
so much do I love that flag.Copy !req
191. Aw...Copy !req
192. I love it even more
than I love my seven wives.Copy !req
193. That's right, I'm a polygamist.Copy !req
194. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself,Copy !req
195. had I not used my intestine as a ropeCopy !req
196. to hoist a flag made of my own skin,Copy !req
197. if it would protect the freedoms
of the proud peopleCopy !req
198. who salute that flag.Copy !req
199. Freedoms such as polygamy.Copy !req
200. I rest my case.Copy !req
201. Whoa, geez.Copy !req
202. The Justices and I will now confer
using high-speed telepathy.Copy !req
203. By a vote of six to three,
we find that flag-eatingCopy !req
204. is not protected by the Constitution.Copy !req
205. Six to three? I beat the spread.Copy !req
206. The court orders
an immediate public apology.Copy !req
207. Apology accepted.Copy !req
208. Just don't let it happen again.Copy !req
209. She means you, you turkey of the sea.Copy !req
210. Me, apologize? Never!Copy !req
211. I came to this planet to learn
the meaning of freedom!Copy !req
212. But I say it's you
who should get a nice lesson!Copy !req
213. So, do your worst, because
no punishment could be biggerCopy !req
214. than denying me my freedom!Copy !req
215. You are hereby sentenced to death.Copy !req
216. Wait, let me finish!Copy !req
217. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision,Copy !req
218. the court finds polygamy constitutional.Copy !req
219. I can't wait to tell my husband.Copy !req
220. Remember, men, take him alive,
so there's something left to kill.Copy !req
221. Stay back!Copy !req
222. This Embassy is sovereign mud
of the mud planet Decapod 10.Copy !req
223. Invading these mud premises
is an act of war!Copy !req
224. Yeah? Well, what are you going
to do about it, shrimpy?Copy !req
225. You want to see, Mr. Bigshot?Copy !req
226. Attack Earth!Copy !req
227. Yes, I know it's a shlep, just do it!Copy !req
228. A-ha! Now the rubber band's
on the other claw!Copy !req
229. Ready? Retreat!Copy !req
230. Shh!Copy !req
231. Deny my freedom, will you?Copy !req
232. Well, we'll do to youCopy !req
233. what we did to the Squash Men
of the Squash Planet,Copy !req
234. squish them!Copy !req
235. - Charleston Chew?
- You bet.Copy !req
236. All right, Kif, let's show these freaksCopy !req
237. what a bloated, runaway
military budget can do.Copy !req
238. Bring me the activation codes
for our global defense network.Copy !req
239. Aye, aye, sir.Copy !req
240. Commence lip identification scan.Copy !req
241. No tongue.Copy !req
242. Mm...Copy !req
243. We can't be too careful with these codes.Copy !req
244. Rumor has it, a double agent
may be aboard this very ship.Copy !req
245. I'm watching you.Copy !req
246. You, Ensign, what's your name?Copy !req
247. Hugh Mann, sir.Copy !req
248. Hugh Mann.Copy !req
249. Now, that's a name I can trust.Copy !req
250. Run down to the central battle computerCopy !req
251. and enter these codes, chop-chop.Copy !req
252. Um, sir, there's something
about that Ensign...Copy !req
253. You're damn right there is.Copy !req
254. That strapping young lad's
gunning for your job,Copy !req
255. and he just might get it.Copy !req
256. The enemy approacheth.Copy !req
257. Lieutenant, fire missile one
and recommend me for another medal.Copy !req
258. Make it gaudy, I'm going clubbing later.Copy !req
259. Tick-tock.Copy !req
260. Sir, all planetary defenses
have been disabled.Copy !req
261. Perhaps the Decapodians
acquired our secret codes.Copy !req
262. Somehow.Copy !req
263. Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.Copy !req
264. Steady... Steady...Copy !req
265. Now!Copy !req
266. Dr. Zoidberg,Copy !req
267. how can you claim to love freedom
and then enslave all of Earth?Copy !req
268. Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedomCopy !req
269. until it learns what it is
to not have freedom.Copy !req
270. It's a lesson, I say.Copy !req
271. Ow!Copy !req
272. What the hell is this dirt pile
we're building, anyhow?Copy !req
273. None of your beeswax, slave.Copy !req
274. You'll find out soon enough.Copy !req
275. Just focus on globbing that mud.Copy !req
276. Glob!Copy !req
277. I'm not good at being a slave.Copy !req
278. I'm thinking about graduate school.Copy !req
279. You know, to become a barber.Copy !req
280. This can't go on.Copy !req
281. Today is the day we fight back!Copy !req
282. It's already 10:00.Copy !req
283. Oh, you're right.Copy !req
284. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.Copy !req
285. Yeah? Well, good luck, sister.Copy !req
286. All our modern technology is useless.Copy !req
287. I know I am.Copy !req
288. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things.Copy !req
289. You know, a headache with pictures.Copy !req
290. An idea?Copy !req
291. Back in my day,Copy !req
292. we didn't have your fancy
all-digital weapons,Copy !req
293. but we still managed
to kill each other just fine.Copy !req
294. Ah, the crossbow.Copy !req
295. A pitiless, elegant killing machine.Copy !req
296. The Bender of the 15th century.Copy !req
297. Not big enough.Copy !req
298. We need something that can
take out an entire army.Copy !req
299. Something you could commit
a war crime with...Copy !req
300. Ow.Copy !req
301. Earth's slaves,
behold the fruit of your labors...Copy !req
302. The Mobile Oppression Palace!Copy !req
303. Neat.Copy !req
304. I don't need to tell you
that occupation forces are expensive.Copy !req
305. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace,Copy !req
306. a few dignitaries can
oppress your entire planetCopy !req
307. for pennies a day.Copy !req
308. Warships dismissed!Copy !req
309. Do your worst you sea devils!Copy !req
310. I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie!Copy !req
311. You can crush me,
but you can't crush my spirit!Copy !req
312. Ah! My spirit!Copy !req
313. Great-Grandpa, no!Copy !req
314. Another victim of
the manocentric male-ocracy.Copy !req
315. Ambassador Moivin, you killed my lawyer.Copy !req
316. You're welcome.Copy !req
317. He defended my freedom
when no one else would.Copy !req
318. He was a good and honorable man.Copy !req
319. I request a satanic funeral.Copy !req
320. Is it possible that all this
slavery and oppressionCopy !req
321. is shmutzing up our freedom lesson?Copy !req
322. Oh, take a pill, Zoidberg.Copy !req
323. Begin again with the crushing!Copy !req
324. You haven't won yet, Moivin.Copy !req
325. You didn't expect us
to even go to a museum,Copy !req
326. much less steal this ancient
heat-seeking missile.Copy !req
327. I don't even know you.Copy !req
328. Oh, it's going to make such a mess.Copy !req
329. This is your secret plan?Copy !req
330. Meh!Copy !req
331. Heat-seeking missiles are useless
against the Mobile Oppression Palace.Copy !req
332. All Decapodian technology
is cold-blooded, like us.Copy !req
333. All eyes on Zoidberg!Copy !req
334. Ew!Copy !req
335. Hey, I need that to smoke!Copy !req
336. Zoidberg, how could you?Copy !req
337. I used to think you were cool.Copy !req
338. Wait, people of Earth, listen.Copy !req
339. Yes, I'm desecrating a flag,Copy !req
340. but to preserve the freedom it represents.Copy !req
341. Blech!Copy !req
342. Zoidberg, you set us free!Copy !req
343. I feel like I could stand to hug you.Copy !req
344. I can't, but you know
what I'm trying to say.Copy !req
345. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!Copy !req
346. Ah, if only they appreciated
freedom this muchCopy !req
347. on my home planet.Copy !req
348. Wait a second, they do!Copy !req
349. Because this is my home planet.Copy !req
350. And now, to raise
this beautiful new flag,Copy !req
351. a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner,Copy !req
352. Dr. John Zoidberg!Copy !req
353. You're a nice man, Nixon.Copy !req
354. Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite
of the flag for tomorrow's papers?Copy !req
355. Oh, I couldn't.Copy !req
356. No, no, go ahead.Copy !req
357. You've earned it.Copy !req
358. Well, maybe just a taste.Copy !req
359. Mm...Copy !req
360. Now, that's a grand old flag!Copy !req
361. I wonder what
the Shroud of Turin tastes like.Copy !req
362. Freedom.Copy !req