1. Whoo!Copy !req
2. Two, three.Copy !req
3. Oh, my!Copy !req
4. Here we go, y'all!Copy !req
5. Zoidberg. Zoidberg.Copy !req
6. Z-Z-Z-Z-Zoidberg.Copy !req
7. This is a story
about all my friends.Copy !req
8. Why? Why?Copy !req
9. Previously on All My Circuits...Copy !req
10. I'm sorry, Father,
but somewhere along the way,Copy !req
11. I forgot how to be your son.Copy !req
12. Why, Antonio?Copy !req
13. Because I have amnesia!Copy !req
14. Calculon!Copy !req
15. But I thought you were...Copy !req
16. Egyptian?Copy !req
17. Before I kill you,
I must ask you one question.Copy !req
18. Who am I?Copy !req
19. For I have amnesia!Copy !req
20. Let me get this straight.Copy !req
21. Does anyone here not have amnesia?Copy !req
22. I don't know.Copy !req
23. This show is awesome.Copy !req
24. When I grow up, I'm going
to have so much amnesia.Copy !req
25. Me, too.Copy !req
26. I mean, I have it now, but I forgot.Copy !req
27. Well, mine's louder.Copy !req
28. Cram a ham in it, you twerps.Copy !req
29. Sorry.Copy !req
30. Nah, I had it coming.Copy !req
31. Welcome, swingers.Copy !req
32. Pull up a groove and get fabulous.Copy !req
33. Nude rock bands,Copy !req
34. big piles of what I assume
is talcum powder...Copy !req
35. It's quite a birthday party, Calculon.Copy !req
36. Cool!Copy !req
37. I'm going to have
a fabulacious birthday partyCopy !req
38. just like Calculon.Copy !req
39. Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm going to show up looking goodCopy !req
40. just like Monique.Copy !req
41. Do you two have to imitate
everything you see on TV?Copy !req
42. Um, we're 12, so yes.Copy !req
43. Hold up, Cubert.Copy !req
44. You're a clone of the professor.Copy !req
45. Do clones even have birthdays?Copy !req
46. Um, duh.Copy !req
47. Duh, what?Copy !req
48. Dad, do I have a birthday?Copy !req
49. Hmm.Copy !req
50. You didn't have a birth,
so technically, no.Copy !req
51. Oh, don't feel bad.Copy !req
52. We can celebrate the day
I extracted you from the cloning tank.Copy !req
53. Or the day I scraped your DNA
from that growth on my back.Copy !req
54. Ooh, that one!Copy !req
55. Ah, yes, it was 13 years ago next week.Copy !req
56. I used this very fork.Copy !req
57. Oh, well, isn't that...Copy !req
58. Hey, next week will be my birthday, too.Copy !req
59. That's true.Copy !req
60. If only there were a way to haveCopy !req
61. one party for both of you
here at the office,Copy !req
62. then write it off as a business expense.Copy !req
63. Wait! I thought of a way.Copy !req
64. The way I just said.Copy !req
65. - Yeah.
- Way to go, Pops.Copy !req
66. Something's happening
on television!Copy !req
67. Oh, Monique, why did we wait so many yearsCopy !req
68. to bathe in champagne?Copy !req
69. Father!Copy !req
70. I've discovered the shocking secret
Mother has kept from you for 200 years.Copy !req
71. No! No!Copy !req
72. Brace yourself,
for whenl speak these words,Copy !req
73. you may well suffer an attack
of explosive amnesia.Copy !req
74. For you see, the horrible secret is...Copy !req
75. Whoever's directing this
is a master of suspense.Copy !req
76. He's busteds.Copy !req
77. Let's get hims out of heres.Copy !req
78. We now join
America's most popular showCopy !req
79. already in progress...Copy !req
80. Everybody Loves Hypnotoad.Copy !req
81. This show's been going downhill
since Season 3.Copy !req
82. Look who's here, everyone.Copy !req
83. It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp.Copy !req
84. Since when are you performing
at children's parties?Copy !req
85. Performing? What?Copy !req
86. Please, if someone
could spare me money to buy shoes?Copy !req
87. This party pukes.Copy !req
88. Yeah, the guests were supposed to be here
three hours ago.Copy !req
89. Well, that doesn't mean
that no one is comingCopy !req
90. or that you two are total losers.Copy !req
91. Who gave you that idea?Copy !req
92. All right.
They must have all come as a group.Copy !req
93. Welcome, swingers.Copy !req
94. Pull up a groove and get fabulous.Copy !req
95. Uh?Copy !req
96. Huh?Copy !req
97. Good day, fellows.Copy !req
98. Someone dumped this invitation
in my begging cup.Copy !req
99. Happy growth-scraping day to all!Copy !req
100. Fire them all.Copy !req
101. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.Copy !req
102. Guys, guys!Copy !req
103. Something's happening on television again.Copy !req
104. Ooh!Copy !req
105. Welcome to Entertainment
and Earth Invasion Tonite.Copy !req
106. Across the galaxy,Copy !req
107. my people are completing
the mighty space fleetCopy !req
108. that will exterminate the human race.Copy !req
109. But first, this news from Tinseltown.Copy !req
110. Following Antonio Calculon, Jr.'s
breakdown on the set,Copy !req
111. the popular TV show All My CircuitsCopy !req
112. will hold an open casting call
for child robots to replace him.Copy !req
113. An open casting call for child robots?Copy !req
114. Tinny Tim, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?Copy !req
115. What's that, sir?Copy !req
116. That I, Bender, am perfect for the role.Copy !req
117. You raised my hopes and
dashed them quite expertly, sir.Copy !req
118. Bravo!Copy !req
119. Bender, your swarthy Latin charm
will only get you so far.Copy !req
120. There's a lot of famous
child acting units here.Copy !req
121. Look! There's Macaulay Cul-Con.Copy !req
122. He's just not cute
since he got puberty installed.Copy !req
123. Psst! There's that robot child actorCopy !req
124. who grew up and robbed
the convenience store.Copy !req
125. And there's that robot child actorCopy !req
126. who grew up and became
a convenience store.Copy !req
127. Lottery ticket, please.Copy !req
128. We're ready for the first audition.Copy !req
129. Emotitron, Jr.Copy !req
130. Hold on, precious.Copy !req
131. Let's make you look nice for the lady.Copy !req
132. What's this? What did I tell you?Copy !req
133. No more hanging wires!Copy !req
134. In this scene,Copy !req
135. you've just found out your real fatherCopy !req
136. is Calculon's fourth
evil identical septuplet, Sleazy Martinez.Copy !req
137. Okay, take us there.Copy !req
138. "Now that I know the truth,
Father, I must ride southCopy !req
139. "and join the robo-bandidos
at Veracruz..."Copy !req
140. Boo! Boo!
This kid sucks!Copy !req
141. We want Bender!Copy !req
142. Boo!Copy !req
143. Well, I thought he was goodCopy !req
144. but the audience seems
to have turned on him.Copy !req
145. - But I don't think...
- Next!Copy !req
146. "... at Veracruz.Copy !req
147. "So, if you'll kindly
hand me my poncho..."Copy !req
148. Boo! Bring on Bender!Copy !req
149. Boo! Bender's the greatest!Copy !req
150. Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there.Copy !req
151. Oh!Copy !req
152. Ninety actors and they all got booed.Copy !req
153. I just wish we could get this "Bender"
I keep hearing about.Copy !req
154. They say he's the greatest.Copy !req
155. Well, there is a robot named Bender hereCopy !req
156. but he's much too old...Copy !req
157. Send him in forthwith!Copy !req
158. Boo! Not as good as Bender!Copy !req
159. Boo!Copy !req
160. Mr. Bender?Copy !req
161. Have you ever been on TV before?Copy !req
162. Once, when I took those hostages.Copy !req
163. I saw that. You were good.Copy !req
164. Let's hear you audition.Copy !req
165. Bandidos, eh?Copy !req
166. Ah, this is great,Copy !req
167. 'cause I happen to have
a flawless Spanish accent.Copy !req
168. "I will say a-dee-os, Pad-ray.Copy !req
169. "Come, Jesus, my faithful chi-hew-a-hew-a.Copy !req
170. "Tonight, we eat gyoo-a-ca-moleCopy !req
171. "by the el rio."Copy !req
172. That was so terrible,
I think you gave me cancer.Copy !req
173. I don't care how popular you are,Copy !req
174. you will never work on my show!Copy !req
175. Yay, Bender!Copy !req
176. We demand Bender!Copy !req
177. However, you've got the job.Copy !req
178. Welcome aboard, "son."Copy !req
179. Fathero!Copy !req
180. Bender, I'd like you to meet our director
whose name I never learned.Copy !req
181. Yo.Copy !req
182. I read the script and I thinkCopy !req
183. it would help my character's motivation
if he was on fire.Copy !req
184. Uh, don't worry about the script, baby.Copy !req
185. We rewrote your part to better
suit your acting abilities.Copy !req
186. So, now my character has a British accent?Copy !req
187. No, now your character's in a coma.Copy !req
188. Get in bed and don't move.Copy !req
189. And, action!Copy !req
190. Stupid, dumb coma.Copy !req
191. Could have been British.Copy !req
192. Alas, that mine only sonCopy !req
193. should sink into an
irreversible, permanent...Copy !req
194. coma.Copy !req
195. Permanent? That's completely
out of character for Antonio.Copy !req
196. I'm getting up.Copy !req
197. Curse the tragic wildebeest
accident that...Copy !req
198. Hey, everyone!Copy !req
199. Antonio here, but you can call me Bender.Copy !req
200. I got ants in my butt
and I needs to strut.Copy !req
201. Come on, baby, do, ah, do.Copy !req
202. Dee, dah, doda, booba
Dah, boo, come onCopy !req
203. Do, dee, bee, bah, boo...Copy !req
204. I'm not familiar with
the type of thing I'm seeing.Copy !req
205. Bite my shiny metal ass.Copy !req
206. Ooh, yeah, come on, baby, yeahCopy !req
207. Ooh, uh, come on, yeah...Copy !req
208. Cut!Copy !req
209. That's the worst coma acting
I've ever seen!Copy !req
210. We'll have to shoot it again.Copy !req
211. No. No, no, no, I don't do two takes.Copy !req
212. But this guy was...Copy !req
213. Amateurs like you do two takes.Copy !req
214. I do one take.Copy !req
215. Print it.
I'll be in my three-story trailer.Copy !req
216. Bite my shiny metal ass.Copy !req
217. Ooh, yeah, come on, baby, yeahCopy !req
218. Ooh, uh, come on, yeah...Copy !req
219. Now that's hospital dancing.Copy !req
220. Pretty good, eh, Calcy?Copy !req
221. Good?Copy !req
222. I've seen better acting from
extras in Godzilla movies.Copy !req
223. I don't even remember shooting this scene.Copy !req
224. We didn't.Copy !req
225. That's security camera footage
from your dressing room.Copy !req
226. He stole the scene and my money?Copy !req
227. That's it!Copy !req
228. I demand you fire this felonious ham!Copy !req
229. The network execubots are coming!Copy !req
230. Oh, dear God!Copy !req
231. Presenting the president of the network.Copy !req
232. Greetings, gentlemen.Copy !req
233. You already know my execubots.Copy !req
234. Executive Alpha, programmed
to like things it has seen before.Copy !req
235. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
236. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice
to determine the fall schedule.Copy !req
237. More reality shows.Copy !req
238. And Executive Gamma,Copy !req
239. programmed to underestimate
middle America.Copy !req
240. It's funny, but is it going to
get them off their tractors?Copy !req
241. Now, who put this obnoxious
dancing robot on my network?Copy !req
242. We were about to fire him, sir.Copy !req
243. Silence, hack!Copy !req
244. We've been monitoring our
Nielsen families carefully,Copy !req
245. and during the 12 seconds Bender
was onscreen,Copy !req
246. viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.Copy !req
247. But, sir, children watch this show.Copy !req
248. Bender's no role model.
He's a filth monger.Copy !req
249. At our network, we love filth.Copy !req
250. Filthy rich, that is.Copy !req
251. Being filthy rich, that is.Copy !req
252. "Bite my shiny metal ass"
could be a catchphrase.Copy !req
253. 80% likely.Copy !req
254. It will play in Peoria.Copy !req
255. Game shows are back.Copy !req
256. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready
robot on our network.Copy !req
257. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke
and steal things on TV?Copy !req
258. Yes, I can.Copy !req
259. We're gonna have a TV party tonightCopy !req
260. All rightCopy !req
261. We're gonna have a TV party, all right!Copy !req
262. All right!Copy !req
263. We've got nothing better to doCopy !req
264. Than watch TV and have a couple of brewsCopy !req
265. Gonna shoot things.Copy !req
266. All our friends are gonna
hang out here tonightCopy !req
267. All right!Copy !req
268. We'll pass out on the couch, all right!Copy !req
269. Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad.Copy !req
270. A cigar?Copy !req
271. Ripping.Copy !req
272. Look, I'm Bender.Copy !req
273. Ras H. Tafari, what's going on here?Copy !req
274. The ruffians smoked one of your cigars.Copy !req
275. That's not a cigar!Copy !req
276. Uh, and it's not mine.Copy !req
277. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass!Copy !req
278. What? Such an act would be
most uncomfortable for both of us.Copy !req
279. Where did you learn such language?Copy !req
280. From Bender, my good jerkwad.Copy !req
281. Bender, eh?Copy !req
282. That guy's really
starting to twist my dreads.Copy !req
283. Okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
284. Get ready for this part.Copy !req
285. Quiet, robot. Bender's on TV.Copy !req
286. Oh, Calculon,Copy !req
287. it's so good to get away from the cityCopy !req
288. and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.Copy !req
289. Whoo!Copy !req
290. And try this, kids at home.Copy !req
291. Is television sensation BenderCopy !req
292. a bad role model for Earth's children?Copy !req
293. That's crazy.Copy !req
294. A new protest group,
Father's Against Rude Television,Copy !req
295. says, "Hell, yes."Copy !req
296. What kind of bozos
would start a Bender protest group?Copy !req
297. Good news, everyone.Copy !req
298. Hermes and I have started
a Bender protest group.Copy !req
299. That was uncanny.Copy !req
300. Fathers Against Rude TelevisionCopy !req
301. don't want our kids watching
Bender's high-definition filth.Copy !req
302. And for what?Copy !req
303. Some kind of cheap laugh?Copy !req
304. That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about.Copy !req
305. No, sir. Not us FARTers.Copy !req
306. Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor meCopy !req
307. just 'cause
I'm an obscenely bad role model.Copy !req
308. As unclean as it makes me feel,
I agree with Bender.Copy !req
309. Kids don't turn rotten
just from watching TV.Copy !req
310. Yeah, give a little credit
to our public schools.Copy !req
311. Our dads are all pumped up
on dorkosterone.Copy !req
312. We're just trying to be cool, like Bender.Copy !req
313. Yeah, and it's not even working.Copy !req
314. Smoking and drinking make us barf.Copy !req
315. Gentle jerkwads, I know how to
emulate Bender without barfing.Copy !req
316. We could commit a burglary.Copy !req
317. Hey, yeah!Copy !req
318. Bender loves to burgle.Copy !req
319. Hold up, though. Who could we rob?Copy !req
320. We don't even know anyone with cool stuff.Copy !req
321. Duh! We know someone who runs on
pure cool fuel... Bender.Copy !req
322. - Whoa!
- We'll rob Bender.Copy !req
323. TV gave us the idea.Copy !req
324. You're watching Futurama,Copy !req
325. the show that does not advocate
the cool crime of robbery.Copy !req
326. Okay, it's crime time.Copy !req
327. Hey, Bender.Copy !req
328. Hey, Bender.Copy !req
329. Hey, Bender.Copy !req
330. Hey, Bender.Copy !req
331. Bust itCopy !req
332. Okay, smarty, go to a partyCopy !req
333. Girls are scantily clad and showin' bodyCopy !req
334. A chick walks by...Copy !req
335. What's going on in here?Copy !req
336. Oh, now I'm really outraged.Copy !req
337. Where did you requisition this party?Copy !req
338. And Zoidberg, what are you doing here?Copy !req
339. I'm networking.Copy !req
340. Let me give you my card.Copy !req
341. Relax, Dad, we just invited
a few friends over.Copy !req
342. Hmm...Copy !req
343. There's something wrong with your story
but I can't put my finger on it.Copy !req
344. Of course!
You don't have any friends!Copy !req
345. Yeah, why do these popular kids
consider you cool all of a sudden?Copy !req
346. Um, we're just cool is all.Copy !req
347. Balderdash!Copy !req
348. I'll be the judge of who's cool,
using the Coolometer.Copy !req
349. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
350. Good Lord, I'm getting a reading
of over 40 megafonzies.Copy !req
351. Everybody out!Copy !req
352. So, do you guys know about
anything else going on?Copy !req
353. Because I'm totally still ready to party.Copy !req
354. There's enough cool stuff here
to furnish a happening pad.Copy !req
355. Where did it all come from?Copy !req
356. Don't tell, comrades.Copy !req
357. All for one and one for all!Copy !req
358. We stole it!Copy !req
359. Oh, crumb.Copy !req
360. What? What's going on?Copy !req
361. I'll tell you what.Copy !req
362. Our boys have taken up stealing!Copy !req
363. One of the worst and coolest of crimes.Copy !req
364. And all from watching you on TV,
you cool jerk.Copy !req
365. Hey, lay off me.Copy !req
366. TV would stink if everyone on it
was a positive role model.Copy !req
367. Bender is about entertainment, baby.Copy !req
368. You can't hold me responsible
for what kids do when...Copy !req
369. Hey, this is my stuff they stole!Copy !req
370. That's the last straw!Copy !req
371. Bender should not be
allowed on television!Copy !req
372. Bender must be stopped.Copy !req
373. I've gone too far.Copy !req
374. Who does that guy think I am?Copy !req
375. Come on, we're going to march
all the way to HollywoodCopy !req
376. and make them stop forcing
their filthy me down our throats.Copy !req
377. Down with Bender!
Down with Bender!Copy !req
378. Down with Bender!Copy !req
379. Down with Bender!Copy !req
380. This mob's with me.Copy !req
381. Go ahead.Copy !req
382. Down with Bender! Down with Bender!Copy !req
383. Down with Bender!Copy !req
384. Down with...Copy !req
385. Bender!Copy !req
386. Down with Bender!Copy !req
387. As a doctor and captain
of this hospital ship,Copy !req
388. I now pronounce you man and wifeCopy !req
389. with six months to live.Copy !req
390. Listen up, Hollywood.Copy !req
391. We're an exciting new mob.Copy !req
392. You better believe it.Copy !req
393. Great Shatner's ghost!Copy !req
394. We demand that all TV
be equipped with a B-chipCopy !req
395. that blocks Bender
from appearing on the screen.Copy !req
396. Boo-yah!Copy !req
397. I'm afraid the answer
is a gritty, in-your-face no.Copy !req
398. Then I quit.Copy !req
399. Then you don't quit.Copy !req
400. I think you'll be finishing
the scene now, Mr. Bender,Copy !req
401. and don't skimp on the nasty.Copy !req
402. There'll be no further nasty.Copy !req
403. We still have the option
of resorting to violence.Copy !req
404. What makes you think that will work?Copy !req
405. I saw it on TV in that episode
where Bender shot Calculon.Copy !req
406. How cool was that.Copy !req
407. Ooh, yeah, come on...Copy !req
408. Quit the show.Copy !req
409. Do the scene.Copy !req
410. I'm a cold-blooded punk.Copy !req
411. I once put a laugh track
on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.Copy !req
412. Hey, look, the prop guy has a lamp.Copy !req
413. Wha...Copy !req
414. A-ha!Copy !req
415. I was using that.Copy !req
416. Listen up,
'cause I've got a climatic speech.Copy !req
417. You, cameraman, keep the camera rolling.Copy !req
418. You, director, give me my motivation.Copy !req
419. You're angry.Copy !req
420. Perfect.Copy !req
421. Viewers of the world,Copy !req
422. do smoking and drinking on TV
really make me cool?Copy !req
423. Of course they do.Copy !req
424. How about committing crimes and violence?Copy !req
425. Again, the answer is yes.Copy !req
426. But do we really want our kids exposedCopy !req
427. to that kind of trash on TV?Copy !req
428. I say absolutely not.Copy !req
429. Ooh!Copy !req
430. Uh, on the other hand, most,
perhaps all the blameCopy !req
431. rests with the parents.Copy !req
432. That's right, you.Copy !req
433. And so I ask you this one question...Copy !req
434. Have you ever tried simply
turning off the TV,Copy !req
435. sitting down with your childrenCopy !req
436. and hitting them?Copy !req
437. We're just so busy.Copy !req
438. Well, make time.Copy !req
439. And, cut.Copy !req
440. Good enough.Copy !req
441. Splice in some reaction shots of me
and shove it on the air.Copy !req
442. Have you ever tried
simply turning off the TVCopy !req
443. sitting down with your children
and hitting them?Copy !req
444. Well, I'd say we all
learned a valuable lessonCopy !req
445. about TV there.Copy !req
446. What was it?Copy !req
447. Uh, that we should all take TV
a little less seriously.Copy !req
448. And more importantly,
turn it off once in a while.Copy !req
449. - Hear! Hear!
- Darn right.Copy !req
450. So, should we turn it off now?Copy !req
451. Well, uh, that depends what's on.Copy !req
452. Nothing good.Copy !req
453. Eh, let's just keep watching.Copy !req
454. TV party tonightCopy !req
455. Wha...Copy !req
456. TV party tonightCopy !req
457. We've got nothing better to doCopy !req
458. Than watch TV and have a couple of brewsCopy !req
459. Don't want to talk
about anything elseCopy !req
460. We don't want to knowCopy !req
461. We're dedicated, yesCopy !req
462. To our favorite showsCopy !req
463. All My CircuitsCopy !req
464. Everybody Loves HypnotoadCopy !req
465. Scary DoorCopy !req
466. Thursday Night BlernsballCopy !req
467. FuturamaCopy !req