1. Welcome to the games
of the 3004 Earth Olympiad,Copy !req
2. continuing this network's tradition
of sportscasting excellence.Copy !req
3. Celebrity Ape Fight will return
next week at its regular time.Copy !req
4. So who should I root for?
America? Or one of those countriesCopy !req
5. I learned about at the food court?Copy !req
6. How about those guys?Copy !req
7. No, they're from
the Republic of French Stereotypes.Copy !req
8. Everybody hates them.Copy !req
9. Oh, let's go check on Hermes.Copy !req
10. All this inspiring multiculturalism
is angrying up my blood.Copy !req
11. Sweden?Copy !req
12. I don't think so.Copy !req
13. Go on, stick, touch me.Copy !req
14. Can't do it.Copy !req
15. Husband, you haven't been
an Olympic-class limbo-er for 20 years.Copy !req
16. Quit lying to your pudgy self.Copy !req
17. It does seem like JamaicaCopy !req
18. would be able to field
a strong limbo team without you.Copy !req
19. Yeah. Isn't that basically
all Jamaicans do?Copy !req
20. Jamaicans have other interests.Copy !req
21. Which is why the limbo team
got detained at the airport.Copy !req
22. That's when they begged my husbandCopy !req
23. to step in and make an ass out of himself.Copy !req
24. And I said I'd try my very best.Copy !req
25. But have they seen your, you know,Copy !req
26. physique since the old days?Copy !req
27. I described it to them on the phoneCopy !req
28. using a series of artful euphemisms.Copy !req
29. Don't worry, the fat pig will do fineCopy !req
30. thanks to this flab-o-dynamic
spandex body suit I've designed.Copy !req
31. It redistributes his weightCopy !req
32. shifting his center of gravity
closer to his knees.Copy !req
33. Oh, that's snug.Copy !req
34. Those haven't descended in years.Copy !req
35. Now that's a limbo-er's body.Copy !req
36. Look at that fine Jamaican bacon.Copy !req
37. Shut up, Zoidberg.Copy !req
38. The robot bending events are starting.Copy !req
39. Something tells me I could easily beat
those trained professionals.Copy !req
40. Wow. That guy must be, like
the world's greatest bender.Copy !req
41. My dreams of glory died before they began.Copy !req
42. Welcome to my life.Copy !req
43. Athletes, please take
your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo.Copy !req
44. Hermes Conrad.Copy !req
45. Is that you inside
that dumpy little fat man?Copy !req
46. Barbados Slim!Copy !req
47. What are you doing here?Copy !req
48. Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.Copy !req
49. Yes, and I'll be going back there
with a gold medalCopy !req
50. draped around my elegant
Caribbean shoulders.Copy !req
51. Your body may be as perfectly sculpted
as it was 20 years agoCopy !req
52. when you whupped my fat ass
every time we met,Copy !req
53. but today, I feel lucky.Copy !req
54. I see you're still able
to limbo under the bar of fashion sense.Copy !req
55. That's it, Barbados Slim.Copy !req
56. You've gone one toke over the line.Copy !req
57. Limbo-ers, on your marks.Copy !req
58. Get rubbery.Copy !req
59. Limbo!Copy !req
60. There they go,Copy !req
61. and Barbados Slim takes an early lead.Copy !req
62. God, I hope he wins.Copy !req
63. What's this?Copy !req
64. Hermes Conrad is closing the gap.Copy !req
65. He's limbo'd out of retirement
and straight into my heart.Copy !req
66. I say "Go to hell, Barbados Slim."Copy !req
67. Go, body suit, go!Copy !req
68. Come on, Hermes!Copy !req
69. Beat that mahogany god!Copy !req
70. It's Barbados, then Conrad!Copy !req
71. Conrad pulls ahead.Copy !req
72. And Conrad is disqualified.Copy !req
73. Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold.Copy !req
74. Ah, there, there, Hermes,
you did your best.Copy !req
75. If I'd wanted a human Adonis
for a husband,Copy !req
76. I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.Copy !req
77. Well, enough about Hermes.Copy !req
78. I couldn't win a medal, either,Copy !req
79. even at bending,
the thing I was built to do.Copy !req
80. I'm so embarrassed, I wish
everybody else was dead.Copy !req
81. Up next,
the Fembot bending competition.Copy !req
82. Fembots?Copy !req
83. Methinks a clever Manbot,
suitably disguised,Copy !req
84. might win those events,Copy !req
85. but the charade would require
subtlety, nuance, grace.Copy !req
86. What do you mean, I'm not registered?Copy !req
87. My name is Coilette
and I'm from, uh, Robonia!Copy !req
88. Coilette's a chick's name.Copy !req
89. Yes, but Robonia sounds like something
somebody made up on the spot.Copy !req
90. Ever been beaten up
by a guy dressed like a chick?Copy !req
91. And it's straight!Copy !req
92. Coilette wins!Copy !req
93. Another gold medal for
the spunky maid from Robonia.Copy !req
94. A perfect bend and a flawless entry.Copy !req
95. No splash at all.Copy !req
96. Perfect scores.Copy !req
97. A record five gold medals for Coilette.Copy !req
98. I'm great! Everybody else sucks!Copy !req
99. Except that guy Bender.Copy !req
100. He's really something.Copy !req
101. Whoo!Copy !req
102. All medalists
report for gender testing.Copy !req
103. You actually thought they'd let youCopy !req
104. walk away without an engine oil sex check?Copy !req
105. Oh, God, I'm not going to get my medals.Copy !req
106. They're all I have
to remember my Olympic career.Copy !req
107. Wait! I've got it!Copy !req
108. Professor, make a woman out of me.Copy !req
109. Oh, I think we should just stay friends.Copy !req
110. I don't need friends.Copy !req
111. I need a sex change operation,
and give it to me now.Copy !req
112. Bender, a robot sex change
is a complex and dangerous procedure.Copy !req
113. Replacing your testosteroil
with Fembot lubricantsCopy !req
114. can cause wild mood swingsCopy !req
115. and the effects may be irreversible.Copy !req
116. Well, let's get started.Copy !req
117. No, you can't!Copy !req
118. If you have even the slightest respect
for the dignity of women...Copy !req
119. Pfft.Copy !req
120. I'm sorry, but I must do this.Copy !req
121. Not for you, not for BenderCopy !req
122. but for the proud people of Robonia!Copy !req
123. Come on, guys. Come on.Copy !req
124. I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy
and wrong and sick.Copy !req
125. However, I will watch out of curiosity.Copy !req
126. Quiet! I'm about to begin the processCopy !req
127. of reshaping Bender's body
into a tender, delicate form.Copy !req
128. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
129. Ooh! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
130. Draining male oil.Copy !req
131. Infusing female oil.Copy !req
132. Removing item.Copy !req
133. We can't wait for Coilette
any longer, damn it.Copy !req
134. I have to go home
to watch The Zombie Osbournes.Copy !req
135. I'm ready for my test now, boys.Copy !req
136. Hail, hail, RoboniaCopy !req
137. A land I didn't make up.Copy !req
138. Ooh, yeah, come on, baby. Uh.Copy !req
139. Ooh, goodness.Copy !req
140. Oh, yeah, baby, come on. Work your cans.Copy !req
141. Yeah, shake it out.Copy !req
142. I don't know which I'm more,
enraged or disgusted.Copy !req
143. I'm just out there
making us ladies look good.Copy !req
144. Nuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks
in front of the other genders.Copy !req
145. But you're not really
a lady anyway, right?Copy !req
146. Of course not.Copy !req
147. Dear lord, a coaster.Copy !req
148. The Femmzoil must be sashaying
girlishly into your processor.Copy !req
149. Then change me back.Copy !req
150. My breasts are keeping me
awake at night anyway.Copy !req
151. Ooh!Copy !req
152. Hello?Copy !req
153. What? A guest spot
on Late Night with Humorbot 5.0?Copy !req
154. I'd love to.Copy !req
155. My own limo?Copy !req
156. No, I don't have my own limo.Copy !req
157. You'd better send one.Copy !req
158. I need a rain check on
that nad swap, Professor.Copy !req
159. I'm going on TV.Copy !req
160. Come on, Fry, help me pick out a pantsuit.Copy !req
161. So, Calculon,Copy !req
162. do you want to set up this clip
from All My Circuits?Copy !req
163. No, I think it's self-explanatory.Copy !req
164. No!Copy !req
165. Funny story,Copy !req
166. the script called for me to say "Yes,"
but I gave it a little twist.Copy !req
167. Anecdote accepted.Copy !req
168. Snappy comeback not found.Copy !req
169. Please put your hands together
for my next guest,Copy !req
170. winner of five Olympic medals,Copy !req
171. Coilette, from Robonia.Copy !req
172. So, Coilette, many young Fembots
wish to emulate you.Copy !req
173. Any advice for them?Copy !req
174. Yes, Humorbot, if you ask me,
women today are too stuck upCopy !req
175. to go out and jiggle their Jell-OCopy !req
176. like everybody wants them to.Copy !req
177. In fact, should I do it now?Copy !req
178. All right, then.Copy !req
179. Whoo! Look out, baby. Work it out.Copy !req
180. Oh, shake that thing.Copy !req
181. You got to use it, lady.Copy !req
182. Shake it up a little.Copy !req
183. That's right. Come on.Copy !req
184. Break it out.Copy !req
185. Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.Copy !req
186. Oh, I bet you say that to allCopy !req
187. the five-Olympic-gold-medal-winning
Fembots.Copy !req
188. From this day forth, I shall
do so whenever possible.Copy !req
189. Golly.Copy !req
190. What?Copy !req
191. Coilette, this may be presumptuous...Copy !req
192. That's my favorite kind of "this."Copy !req
193. But I would be honored
if you would join me for dinner sometime.Copy !req
194. Whoo!Copy !req
195. Calculon, you'd be fulfillingCopy !req
196. this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy.Copy !req
197. Of course I would.Copy !req
198. This top makes me look fat.Copy !req
199. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude?Copy !req
200. Yes.Copy !req
201. Perfect.Copy !req
202. You got to tell me.Copy !req
203. You're not actually attracted
to Calculon, right?Copy !req
204. And if you are, don't tell me. Are you?Copy !req
205. Certainly not.Copy !req
206. But just once I'd like to eat dinnerCopy !req
207. with a celebrity
who isn't bound and gagged.Copy !req
208. Is that so much to ask?Copy !req
209. Well, I think you dating
a Manbot is a disgraceCopy !req
210. and I refuse to be involved.Copy !req
211. And you have way too much lipstick on.Copy !req
212. Are you kidding? I need more lipstick!Copy !req
213. Much more.Copy !req
214. Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff.Copy !req
215. Men love it when you really glob it on.Copy !req
216. - No, they don't!
- No way!Copy !req
217. Uh, please. Every man wants a tramp.Copy !req
218. No wonder you girls aren't married.Copy !req
219. I tell you, men are so much
better at being women.Copy !req
220. But what if he wants to...Copy !req
221. I mean, if he tries to...Copy !req
222. Uh, Barry White?Copy !req
223. I'll just tell him
I need a commitment first.Copy !req
224. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.Copy !req
225. Good lord, man!
What kind of temporary woman are you?Copy !req
226. Look, why don't all of you just back off?Copy !req
227. Can't a girl enjoy herself
without being judged?Copy !req
228. Oh, dear, her mood swings
are getting wilder.Copy !req
229. She's becoming a slave to her emotions.Copy !req
230. Just like all women.Copy !req
231. Particularly you, Leela.Copy !req
232. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.Copy !req
233. Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away.Copy !req
234. You saved me a trip to the dump. Bam!Copy !req
235. I'd appreciate it
if you didn't bam the young lady.Copy !req
236. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did.Copy !req
237. So I guess we're even.Copy !req
238. You know, Coilette,Copy !req
239. I've never before met a woman
as fascinating as I am.Copy !req
240. You're such a sweet, soft Fembot,Copy !req
241. yet you have this free spirit about you.Copy !req
242. And there it is.Copy !req
243. It's as if you understand
the male mind better than I.Copy !req
244. I've never met anyone like you.Copy !req
245. Oh, yes, you have.Copy !req
246. Coilette, I'd like to spend
some quality time with you.Copy !req
247. What? Uh-uh! Oh, no way.
Not going to happen.Copy !req
248. What kind of girl do you think I am?Copy !req
249. Have I mentioned that I own the world's
biggest and most elegant yacht?Copy !req
250. She's a ladyCopy !req
251. Whoa, whoa, whoa, she's a ladyCopy !req
252. Ooh!Copy !req
253. Talking about that little ladyCopy !req
254. And the lady is mineCopy !req
255. She's a ladyCopy !req
256. Whoa, whoa, whoa, she's a lady...Copy !req
257. Whoo! I'm a trophy girlfriend.Copy !req
258. No kidding.Copy !req
259. These gifts have been coming nonstop.Copy !req
260. I think Calculon's falling for you.Copy !req
261. Bah! Any day now he'll dump me
for a new wad of arm candy.Copy !req
262. Then I can turn back into a guy
and hock all this stuff.Copy !req
263. It's just a game.Copy !req
264. Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you.Copy !req
265. I can't sleep at night.Copy !req
266. Although, as a robot,
I don't do that anyway.Copy !req
267. But if I did, I couldn't because...Copy !req
268. I love you so.Copy !req
269. Oh, my darling.Copy !req
270. Will you marry me?Copy !req
271. Oh, Calculon, yes, I will!Copy !req
272. Maybe she's right about the lipstick.Copy !req
273. I'll miss you, buddy.Copy !req
274. You've been like a brother,
and then a sister to me.Copy !req
275. And now you're getting married.Copy !req
276. I love you, man.Copy !req
277. The marriage is a scam.Copy !req
278. Cool. What's for dinner?Copy !req
279. What do you mean, a scam?Copy !req
280. I marry Calculon, divorce him,
take half his moneyCopy !req
281. and turn back into a guy.Copy !req
282. It's sort of a two-person pyramid scheme.Copy !req
283. That's marriage, all right.Copy !req
284. That is so unbelievably manipulative.Copy !req
285. Come on. You never went
on a date with a guyCopy !req
286. just 'cause you were hungry?Copy !req
287. Well, I...Copy !req
288. Uh, I thought
I might like him on a full stomach.Copy !req
289. Nice try, sister.Copy !req
290. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to meet with my wedding planner.Copy !req
291. Zoidberg!Copy !req
292. Zoidy-poo, please tell me
frilly is in this year.Copy !req
293. I saw a frilly cake in hereCopy !req
294. you would remember all your life.Copy !req
295. I know I will.Copy !req
296. Late at night it taunts me
with its frosted beauty.Copy !req
297. Order the cake, damn it!Copy !req
298. I have something for you.Copy !req
299. A remote control?Copy !req
300. You got me a TV?Copy !req
301. No, my dearest.Copy !req
302. It's the remote control to my heart.Copy !req
303. It symbolizes the power
you have to sway my emotions.Copy !req
304. Will it work on my TV?Copy !req
305. We don't need TVs.Copy !req
306. We have each other.Copy !req
307. Coilette, if I weren't able
to spend my life with you,Copy !req
308. I would leap from this very balloon.Copy !req
309. Come on with that.Copy !req
310. Really?Copy !req
311. Yes. We were meant to be!Copy !req
312. So, you really and truly love me?Copy !req
313. So much so that I'm preparedCopy !req
314. to give up show business itself
to be with you.Copy !req
315. But you always saidCopy !req
316. you'd rather burn down a convent
than give up show business.Copy !req
317. I always said many thingsCopy !req
318. but now all I want is a peaceful life
in a quiet villa overlooking a vineyardCopy !req
319. with you.Copy !req
320. Would we have donkeys?Copy !req
321. All you could eat.Copy !req
322. Oh, take me in your arms
and compress me!Copy !req
323. Compress me tight!Copy !req
324. Stop. Let us climb to the heavensCopy !req
325. that the gods themselves might envy us.Copy !req
326. I just don't think
I can go through with this scam.Copy !req
327. So now you do want to marry him?Copy !req
328. No. I just don't want
to hurt him or humiliate him.Copy !req
329. Oh, curse this woman's heart!Copy !req
330. Ick.Copy !req
331. You're falling into the final
debilitating stages of womanhood.Copy !req
332. You've waited too long
to switch back, you dingbat.Copy !req
333. Okay, look, if I help you with this,Copy !req
334. do you promise to get out
of my gender and stay out?Copy !req
335. Uh-huh.Copy !req
336. All right. Now, there's no wayCopy !req
337. to stop this marriage
without hurting Calculon,Copy !req
338. but he's an actor.Copy !req
339. If there's one kind of pain he can handle,Copy !req
340. it's soap opera pain.Copy !req
341. Okay, is everyone ready?Copy !req
342. - Yep.
- Sure.Copy !req
343. Basically.Copy !req
344. Dearly beloved actors and casting peopleCopy !req
345. who might be looking for someone
to play a preacher,Copy !req
346. I welcome you.Copy !req
347. The bride has written some vowsCopy !req
348. that we will now all pretend
to be interested in.Copy !req
349. Dearest Calculon,Copy !req
350. forever is not enough timeCopy !req
351. to tell you of the many ways I love you.Copy !req
352. Is there a doctor in the...Copy !req
353. I came as soon as I could.Copy !req
354. Oh, it appears to be a case
of African Hydraulic Fever.Copy !req
355. Dear God, the very illness
my TV character caught in Season 2Copy !req
356. when I was holding out for more money.Copy !req
357. It's often fatal.Copy !req
358. Whatever happens, remember,Copy !req
359. the flame of my eternal love
will burn forever.Copy !req
360. Of course. But smoochy-pops,Copy !req
361. I thought one could only catch
Hydraulic FeverCopy !req
362. deep in the diamond mines of the Congo.Copy !req
363. Coilette, you she-devil!Copy !req
364. You really thought
you could steal those diamondsCopy !req
365. from me and Congo Jack?Copy !req
366. Those gems belong to the natives!Copy !req
367. Hi-ya!Copy !req
368. Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.Copy !req
369. Why?Copy !req
370. Calculon, my darling,Copy !req
371. your loud "why" brought me
partway back to life.Copy !req
372. Congo Jack!Copy !req
373. Another shocking twist!Copy !req
374. Yes, I and have a message
for you from Colonel Mtumbe.Copy !req
375. He says this is from Congo Jack.Copy !req
376. Uh... Um...Copy !req
377. No. No!Copy !req
378. N-O-O-O!Copy !req
379. I won't leave you.Copy !req
380. Not until I'm sure
you understand the thing I said beforeCopy !req
381. about my eternal love for you burning...Copy !req
382. et cetera.Copy !req
383. I do.Copy !req
384. I do.Copy !req
385. Okay, then.Copy !req
386. Mm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.Copy !req
387. She lives no more.Copy !req
388. But let us all find comfort
knowing that she truly loved me.Copy !req
389. To honor my pain,Copy !req
390. I shall star in a film
dedicated to her memoryCopy !req
391. and this time the Academy
will not deny me.Copy !req
392. Not when they see
A Calculon Story.Copy !req
393. Coilette, your death fills me with sorrow,Copy !req
394. anger, fear.Copy !req
395. Every emotion an actor can display.Copy !req
396. Turn off that crap-o-rama.Copy !req
397. One mistake now, and Bender
will be trapped foreverCopy !req
398. between the already
ill-defined robot sexes.Copy !req
399. Oh! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!Copy !req
400. Well, Bender, I hope
this has taught you a lessonCopy !req
401. about changing your sex
to win five gold medals.Copy !req
402. It truly has.Copy !req
403. My romance with Calculon
has shown me a lot about myself.Copy !req
404. Almost done.Copy !req
405. If only somehow, some way, he and I...Copy !req
406. could drive to Vegas,Copy !req
407. pick up some floozy-botsCopy !req
408. and void their warranties
all night long! Whoo!Copy !req
409. Yay, my buddy's home.Copy !req
410. And his respect for women
is back to normal.Copy !req
411. I kind of hoped
this whole experienceCopy !req
412. would have left you a little more open
to your sensitive side.Copy !req
413. Yeah, you'd think, but what ya gonna do?Copy !req
414. Coilette, the skies themselves
weep upon the sweetest flowerCopy !req
415. of all the field.Copy !req
416. - Ew!
- Gross!Copy !req
417. Sentimental drivel poop.Copy !req
418. Come on, Bender, let's go.Copy !req
419. This chick flick is getting me all barfy.Copy !req
420. Yeah, emotions are dumb
and should be hated.Copy !req
421. Good night, forever, my turtle dove.Copy !req
422. Good night, Calculon.Copy !req
423. What did you say?Copy !req
424. I said you two don't dress trampy enough.Copy !req
425. I still got it.Copy !req