1. Prepare for
the stereophonic experience.Copy !req
2. Oh, New New York City!Copy !req
3. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
4. Do the Robot, baby!Copy !req
5. Oh, Lord, hiking is always
such a strain on the buttocks.Copy !req
6. Shh. What was that sound?Copy !req
7. It wasn't a bird's nest falling.Copy !req
8. That sounds like this.Copy !req
9. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared.Copy !req
10. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made.Copy !req
11. He's been sighted a lot
in this area recently.Copy !req
12. Just last week, a blind hiker felt him.Copy !req
13. Don't tell me you
actually believe in Bigfoot,Copy !req
14. you blathering ninnyhammer.Copy !req
15. Of course I do.Copy !req
16. Bigfoot's my hero.Copy !req
17. Growing up, he was the celebrity
I most identified with.Copy !req
18. Why?Copy !req
19. 'Cause he was a loner
who hated the popular monsters,Copy !req
20. yet longed to be one.Copy !req
21. I can so relate to that.Copy !req
22. Ugh, enough emotions.Copy !req
23. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake.Copy !req
24. Although you wouldn't know it
from looking.Copy !req
25. Bender, if you want to sleep
in a tent tonight,Copy !req
26. you're welcome to join me and Hermes
for a little "just friends" spooning.Copy !req
27. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars.Copy !req
28. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
29. Real comfy.Copy !req
30. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger.Copy !req
31. I get it.Copy !req
32. Now, since this area's
a national Bigfoot preserve,Copy !req
33. we'll start with a short film
about BigfootCopy !req
34. while I make a few phone calls.Copy !req
35. In the dense forests
of the Pacific NorthwestCopy !req
36. dwells the strange and beautiful creature
known as Bigfoot, perhaps.Copy !req
37. That proves it.Copy !req
38. Sadly, logging and human settlementCopy !req
39. today threaten what might
possibly be his habitat,Copy !req
40. although if it's not, they don't.Copy !req
41. Bigfoot populations require
vast amounts of landCopy !req
42. to remain elusive in.Copy !req
43. They typically dwell just behind rocks,Copy !req
44. but are also sometimes playful,Copy !req
45. bounding into thick fogs
and out-of-focus areas.Copy !req
46. It should say "top quality
exercycle for sale."Copy !req
47. And could you put "top quality" in bold?Copy !req
48. You can't? Okay, whatever.Copy !req
49. Remember, it's up to us.Copy !req
50. Bigfoot is a crucial part
of the ecosystem, if he exists.Copy !req
51. So, let's all help
keep Bigfoot possibly aliveCopy !req
52. for future generations to enjoy,
unless he doesn't exist.Copy !req
53. All right, I got to call you back.Copy !req
54. All right, questions?Copy !req
55. Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet?Copy !req
56. Technically, no.Copy !req
57. But I do see him each night in my dreamsCopy !req
58. and each day in the smiling
faces of hairy children.Copy !req
59. Bunk! Bunk, I say.Copy !req
60. Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's
droppings or shut up!Copy !req
61. I have the droppings
of someone who saw Bigfoot.Copy !req
62. Shut up!Copy !req
63. Oh, my God. Look, it's Bigfoot!Copy !req
64. Where?Copy !req
65. Ah, he's gone.Copy !req
66. He said you should keep
wasting your life, though.Copy !req
67. Oh, I saw Bigfoot crushing cars
at the county fair.Copy !req
68. What you saw was Bigfoot
the monster truck.Copy !req
69. But thanks for a great question.Copy !req
70. Oh...Copy !req
71. Sir, if I may?Copy !req
72. Why don't you just set up,
like, a billion video camerasCopy !req
73. in the woods and see if he walks by one.Copy !req
74. Ah, that would be very expensive,Copy !req
75. and most people who believe
in Bigfoot are broke.Copy !req
76. Hey, look, Bigfoot, he's back!Copy !req
77. Where?Copy !req
78. Up your face.Copy !req
79. Everybody do the Bender.Copy !req
80. The sky out here is amazing.Copy !req
81. Look at all the satellites.Copy !req
82. Good night, employees.Copy !req
83. Good night.Copy !req
84. Good night, Hubert.Copy !req
85. You doing all right out there, buddy?Copy !req
86. Better than these gnats.Copy !req
87. That guy won't be going home to his kids.Copy !req
88. What's that? A wolf?Copy !req
89. Or some kind of boogen?Copy !req
90. Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.Copy !req
91. Fry! Fry, wake up.Copy !req
92. It's me, Bigface.Copy !req
93. Come out and groom my mangy fur.Copy !req
94. Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?Copy !req
95. Bigfoot?Copy !req
96. Bigfoot?Copy !req
97. Bigfoot, is that you?Copy !req
98. I'm not like the others, Bigfoot.Copy !req
99. I see through your monster coating
to the gentle loner inside.Copy !req
100. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friendCopy !req
101. that you tenderly nurse back
to health while you go...Copy !req
102. But in the end they shoot you,
but you teach us about things.Copy !req
103. Oh, just a flying saucer.Copy !req
104. Excuse me. You can't park here.Copy !req
105. The parking area is over there.Copy !req
106. Wow, nice tube.Copy !req
107. Hey, hey, what's the big idea?Copy !req
108. Stop abducting me!Copy !req
109. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?Copy !req
110. Help!Copy !req
111. There's nothing so refreshingCopy !req
112. as the clean, crisp taste
of this bold, Canadian beer.Copy !req
113. Well, see you in an hour.Copy !req
114. I got to go do some business
behind that tree.Copy !req
115. Come on, you!Copy !req
116. Bender, wasn't that Fry's tent?Copy !req
117. Bender raises a good point.Copy !req
118. Where is Fry?Copy !req
119. Amy, you won't believe what happened!Copy !req
120. It was so scary that you wouldn't...Copy !req
121. I know, but listen, it gets even scarier.Copy !req
122. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you?Copy !req
123. That's what I'm trying to tell you. See...Copy !req
124. Why are you all staring at me like that?Copy !req
125. Is there something on my face?Copy !req
126. Uh, no.Copy !req
127. Someone should tell him.Copy !req
128. - Tell me what?
- Nothing.Copy !req
129. Well, I have a lot of experience
telling patients bad newsCopy !req
130. so let me break it to him gently.Copy !req
131. Fry, you have no nose!Copy !req
132. Your nose is gone!Copy !req
133. You have no nose on your face!Copy !req
134. Where it is, I can't say,
but on your face it's not.Copy !req
135. What?Copy !req
136. Aw, I think it's sweet.Copy !req
137. You chopped off your noseCopy !req
138. so you could look more like
your hero, me, Bender.Copy !req
139. My God, they must have
taken it last night.Copy !req
140. Which last night?Copy !req
141. In the woods. I was walking.Copy !req
142. For Bigfoot, looking.Copy !req
143. And then aliens beamed me up.Copy !req
144. Were they little gray dudes
with the big oval heads?Copy !req
145. I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong?Copy !req
146. Cheer up, friend.Copy !req
147. When we get home,
a high-quality prosthesisCopy !req
148. will have you looking good as new.Copy !req
149. I'm a pathetic freak.Copy !req
150. My life is ruined.Copy !req
151. Man, you are such a jokester.Copy !req
152. I'll never have another moment
of happiness.Copy !req
153. I know you're trying
to mask your pain with humor,Copy !req
154. but don't worry.Copy !req
155. I'm sure the professor
can clone you a new nose.Copy !req
156. It wouldn't be the same. I want my nose.Copy !req
157. I don't want to have to teach a new one
how to shoot milk when I laugh.Copy !req
158. Well, there's no sense fretting.Copy !req
159. Good Lord, you're ugly.Copy !req
160. The fact is, your nose is goneCopy !req
161. and we'll never find out
who did it or why.Copy !req
162. Guys, guys,
there's something on television!Copy !req
163. Alien abductions,
until now a harmless nuisanceCopy !req
164. but recently they've taken on
a sinister dimensionCopy !req
165. as unsuspecting victims
are returned without noses.Copy !req
166. Like me.Copy !req
167. The culprits, shameless poachers
hunting humans without a permit.Copy !req
168. The valuable nose, or "human horn,"Copy !req
169. fetches a high price on alien worlds
as an aphrodisiac.Copy !req
170. My nose is an aphrodisiac?Copy !req
171. I'm gonna drop a barf!Copy !req
172. Demand for human horn is greatCopy !req
173. due in part to titillating scenesCopy !req
174. from depraved alien TV programs
too filthy for Earth broadcast.Copy !req
175. Let's watch.Copy !req
176. Human horn? But it is forbidden.Copy !req
177. So is our love.Copy !req
178. Blech!Copy !req
179. We have to track down my nose
before some aliens snarfs itCopy !req
180. and does the Worm. Who's in?Copy !req
181. Me and Bender and maybe Zoidberg
if he feels like it.Copy !req
182. Nah, I'm good.Copy !req
183. Let's see.
I'll take a pancreas, two sphinctersCopy !req
184. and a large Coke.Copy !req
185. One number three combo.Copy !req
186. It's no use.Copy !req
187. We've been to every
scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy,Copy !req
188. including Pottery Barn.Copy !req
189. Wait. What's that?Copy !req
190. Welcome, friends.Copy !req
191. How may I pervert you?Copy !req
192. Uh, I'm looking for human horn.Copy !req
193. Shh. You're not cops, right?Copy !req
194. Of course not.Copy !req
195. In fact, he's a crook.Copy !req
196. Yep. Stolen Pez, anyone?Copy !req
197. Right this way.Copy !req
198. Human horn, so fresh
you can still see the eyeglass marks.Copy !req
199. Nope. Uh-uh.Copy !req
200. Ooh!Copy !req
201. Now, look, this is the nose we want.Copy !req
202. Did you sell it to somebody?Copy !req
203. I'm sorry, sir,Copy !req
204. but due to the perverted
nature of our business,Copy !req
205. customer records
are strictly confidential.Copy !req
206. Right this way.Copy !req
207. I videotape everyone who comes in here
so I can blackmail them later.Copy !req
208. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster.Copy !req
209. What do I care what you think?Copy !req
210. Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.Copy !req
211. That's Lrrr, ruler of the planet
Omicron Persei 8.Copy !req
212. You got any... You know...Copy !req
213. Speak up. You're muttering.Copy !req
214. I said... Human horn?Copy !req
215. You're not a cop, right?Copy !req
216. Oh, no, no. I'm just some guy,Copy !req
217. ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!Copy !req
218. So let me get this straight.Copy !req
219. If I buy eight Caramello bars,
you all get to go to some camp?Copy !req
220. Yep. That's exactly the lie we used
to get past your guards.Copy !req
221. Oh, great space king,Copy !req
222. I humbly beg you to return my human horn.Copy !req
223. What... Human horn?Copy !req
224. How ridiculous.Copy !req
225. Why would a virile male
like Lrrr need human horn?Copy !req
226. I don't even know what it's for.Copy !req
227. What is it?
Something you put in salad dressing?Copy !req
228. Like you've ever seen a salad.Copy !req
229. My weight is appropriate and attractive.Copy !req
230. Whoa, you guys have issues.Copy !req
231. She has issues. I'm fine.Copy !req
232. But there's no human horn around here
so make friends with the door.Copy !req
233. All right, I give up.Copy !req
234. I guess I'll just go home
and marry a skunk.Copy !req
235. Oh, let's just give it to him.Copy !req
236. Here.Copy !req
237. My nose! Light of my face!Copy !req
238. Uh, what is that?Copy !req
239. How do you have that, Ndnd?Copy !req
240. I've never seen it before.Copy !req
241. My friend left it here.Copy !req
242. Hold still, Fry.Copy !req
243. I can reattach it
with my emergency face laser.Copy !req
244. Hey, you burned my cheek!Copy !req
245. Yeah, sorry.
I wasn't really concentrating.Copy !req
246. No, I mean the singed flesh,
I can smell it.Copy !req
247. And those lilacs on the table.Copy !req
248. At least someone noticed.Copy !req
249. For the last time, I don't like lilacs!Copy !req
250. Your first wife was the one
who liked lilacs.Copy !req
251. She also liked to shut up.Copy !req
252. Well, great seeing you.
I guess we'll be on our...Copy !req
253. Yo, Highness! Just out of robo curiosity,Copy !req
254. why would you use a guy's nose
for an aphrodisiacCopy !req
255. instead of his, you know,
wing-dang doodle?Copy !req
256. But I thought the horn
was the human wing-dang doodle.Copy !req
257. No, sir, Chief.Copy !req
258. The main event, so to speak,
is downstairs, near the wallet.Copy !req
259. You ever see soccer players
line up to block a free kick?Copy !req
260. They ain't covering their noses,
I'll tell you that much.Copy !req
261. Well, see you.Copy !req
262. Interesting.Copy !req
263. The trousers conceal a tiny,
secondary horn.Copy !req
264. Hey, what've you heard?Copy !req
265. Guards, seize him!Copy !req
266. Prepare to harvest the lower horn.Copy !req
267. Okay, you can have my nose.Copy !req
268. - Guards!
- Yeah?Copy !req
269. Remove the human's lower horn
and prepare it to be eaten by me.Copy !req
270. In other words,
slop a lot of ketchup and salt on it.Copy !req
271. Then bring it to our royal bed chamberCopy !req
272. and put it in a sock drawer
with all the other thingsCopy !req
273. that have failed to arouse
my passion for this woman.Copy !req
274. Remove pants.Copy !req
275. Wait, listen.Copy !req
276. I'm usually the first guy to
toot my own lower horn, but...Copy !req
277. I'll say. Whoo!Copy !req
278. But in this case, I just don't think
it's going to do any good.Copy !req
279. That's what she said. Whoo!Copy !req
280. Let's face it, you two have
deep relationship problemsCopy !req
281. that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac.Copy !req
282. However huge it might be.Copy !req
283. So what do you suggest,
painfully single human?Copy !req
284. Well, why don't you think backCopy !req
285. to what brought you together
in the first place.Copy !req
286. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
287. Lrrr used to be so tender.Copy !req
288. Oh, I only wrote that poem
to test my printer.Copy !req
289. We'd go walking in the woodsCopy !req
290. and Lrrr would find
injured little tinklebunniesCopy !req
291. and nurse them back to health.Copy !req
292. Yes, but I'm the one who injured them.Copy !req
293. Oh, shush.Copy !req
294. You stepped on them by accident
and then you cried all night.Copy !req
295. That's the kind of sensitive man
you used to be.Copy !req
296. And you used to wear a size three cape,
but not anymore!Copy !req
297. Now bring me that lower horn
while I'm still in the mood.Copy !req
298. But what if we
helped you get your passion backCopy !req
299. without the hassle of mutilating me?Copy !req
300. Yeah. We know a great place
in the mountains.Copy !req
301. We could take you there
for a romantic dinner under the stars.Copy !req
302. Hmm. Sounds interesting.Copy !req
303. But he would never do it.Copy !req
304. Oh, like hell I wouldn't.Copy !req
305. I'm not going to be blamed for not going.Copy !req
306. Then it's a deal. We get one night.Copy !req
307. I keep my horn as long as you two
end up doing the horizontal Monster Mash.Copy !req
308. Oh... I don't get it.Copy !req
309. Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine
for the edge of the table?Copy !req
310. No, thanks. Just water, please.Copy !req
311. Tap water.Copy !req
312. Oh, big spender.Copy !req
313. That's it! This date is over!Copy !req
314. Waiter!Copy !req
315. So, what can I get you this evening?Copy !req
316. Your lower horn!Copy !req
317. Uh, I'll just start you off
with some bread,Copy !req
318. some sexy, arousing bread.Copy !req
319. Fine, but none of that
whole-grain goat food.Copy !req
320. And bring plenty of melted butter!Copy !req
321. Ugh. Why don't you just inject
some fat straight into your assCopy !req
322. and cut out the middleman?Copy !req
323. One of these days, Ndnd... Bang! Zoom!Copy !req
324. Straight to the third moon
of Omicron Persei 8!Copy !req
325. Mm. This jerked chicken is good.Copy !req
326. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.Copy !req
327. It's used to it! Whoo!Copy !req
328. So, uh, how are you two
snoogie-pookums doing?Copy !req
329. Poorly!Copy !req
330. My wife is right, for once.Copy !req
331. There's very little magic in the air.Copy !req
332. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.Copy !req
333. Boy, who knew a cooler
could also make a handy wang coffin.Copy !req
334. Mind if I stick these in here?Copy !req
335. Go for it.Copy !req
336. Don't worry, Fry.Copy !req
337. Things look bad,
but I still have a trump card...Copy !req
338. The most beautiful love song ever written.Copy !req
339. And I will always love you, ooh...Copy !req
340. The humans are attacking!Copy !req
341. Pluck the lower horn
and let's get out of here!Copy !req
342. Quick, Fry, run for it.Copy !req
343. Come on, freedom cage, roll me to safety.Copy !req
344. Ow, ow, ow.Copy !req
345. Yes! I never thought
I'd escape with my doodleCopy !req
346. but I pulled it out.Copy !req
347. Just like
at the movie theater. Whoo!Copy !req
348. Give me that.Copy !req
349. Bigfoot! He's real. I knew it!Copy !req
350. The Loch Ness monster's book was right.Copy !req
351. Well, hello there, my furry friend.Copy !req
352. Look at his adorable little feet.Copy !req
353. Yes, you are a cutie pie.Copy !req
354. Holy macaroni!Copy !req
355. I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot.Copy !req
356. And he's in focus.Copy !req
357. Oh, I've waited my entire life
for this moment.Copy !req
358. Huh? What?Copy !req
359. Hey, what are you doing with that?Copy !req
360. You're going to kill
this innocent giganto?Copy !req
361. Of course not.Copy !req
362. I'm just going to tranquilize himCopy !req
363. so I can chop off his feet
as proof he exists,Copy !req
364. then dump him back in the wild.Copy !req
365. He'll do fine.Copy !req
366. You'll have to get through me first.Copy !req
367. Okay. Nightie-night.Copy !req
368. Ah...Copy !req
369. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch,
or wood ape, in peace,Copy !req
370. so I can finally, and at long last,Copy !req
371. harvest this pathetic human's lower horn.Copy !req
372. Yeah!Copy !req
373. Wait, what am I saying?Copy !req
374. If I poach this beast's lower horn,Copy !req
375. am I any better than that ranger
with his demented foot lust?Copy !req
376. Yes, but not by enough.Copy !req
377. Score.Copy !req
378. This human's lower horn
is one of God's creatures,Copy !req
379. a living thing.Copy !req
380. And all living things, large and small...Copy !req
381. In this case, small. Whoo!Copy !req
382. have dignity and a spark of the divine.Copy !req
383. That's the gentle, sensitive poet warlord
I fell in love with.Copy !req
384. Uh, you'll want to retreat
to a safe 500-meter radius!Copy !req
385. Well, Fry, it looks like you get
to hold on to your lower horn.Copy !req
386. As usual. Whoo!Copy !req
387. Run away!Copy !req
388. Oh, yeah...Copy !req
389. You're on a scenic routeCopy !req
390. through a state recreation area
known as the human mind.Copy !req
391. You ask a passerby for directions,Copy !req
392. only to find he has no face, or something.Copy !req
393. Suddenly, up ahead, a door in the road.Copy !req
394. You swerve, narrowly avoiding
The Scary Door.Copy !req
395. I have combined the DNA
of the world's most evil animalsCopy !req
396. to make the most evil creature
of them all.Copy !req
397. It turns out it's man.Copy !req