1. Oh, Lordy Lou! Help!Copy !req
2. Ooh! Ah!Copy !req
3. I know you've rejected me
a lot before,Copy !req
4. but frankly, I wasn't sure
we were right for each other, either.Copy !req
5. But now I am, so how about a date tonight?Copy !req
6. Sorry, I think I, uh,
I think I left my toaster on.Copy !req
7. Buddha! Zeus!Copy !req
8. God! One of you guys, do something!Copy !req
9. Come on, Leela.Copy !req
10. What's the real reason
you won't go out with me?Copy !req
11. Help, Satan, you owe me!Copy !req
12. Look, um, I'm embarrassed to admit this,Copy !req
13. but you've forced me to.Copy !req
14. I can't go out tonight because...Copy !req
15. I have sweaty boot rash!Copy !req
16. No spluh. Why do you thinkCopy !req
17. I'm sitting over here
in the stink-free zone?Copy !req
18. So, will you go out with me?Copy !req
19. Good news, everyone.Copy !req
20. I'm still technically alive. Yes.Copy !req
21. But I need you to dispose
of this crazy-ass experimentCopy !req
22. that almost killed me.Copy !req
23. You'll have to throw it
into the sun itselfCopy !req
24. for only the thermonuclear
inferno of the sunCopy !req
25. has enough energy to ensure
its total destruction.Copy !req
26. I could hit it with a shovel.Copy !req
27. That's not good enough.Copy !req
28. This one time, I pounded a guyCopy !req
29. into the ground
like a stake with a shovel.Copy !req
30. Yes, yes.Copy !req
31. So what's in the box already?Copy !req
32. No peeking!Copy !req
33. I don't know what's in there,Copy !req
34. but I'm sure our minds
would be unable to comprehend it.Copy !req
35. Oh! You hurt my collator!Copy !req
36. I don't care.Copy !req
37. Listen well.Copy !req
38. No matter what happens,
no matter how great your curiosity,Copy !req
39. you are forbidden to look in this box.Copy !req
40. Forbidden!Copy !req
41. Pretty tantalizing, though.Copy !req
42. Whatever's in there,
it's the only thing I've ever wanted.Copy !req
43. In my experience, boxes are usually empty,Copy !req
44. or maybe with a little cheese
stuck to the top,Copy !req
45. and one time, pepperoni.Copy !req
46. What a day that was!Copy !req
47. Give me the box!Copy !req
48. Scram, you lousy green snakes!Copy !req
49. Here, Leela, take this
and use it to shoot those guys.Copy !req
50. Right. If they try to look in the box.Copy !req
51. Whatever.Copy !req
52. Let's just forget about the box.Copy !req
53. The professor said to stay away.Copy !req
54. Fry, how can you be so naive?Copy !req
55. He was joking. Get it?Copy !req
56. No.Copy !req
57. That's what makes it so funny.Copy !req
58. Okay, he wasn't joking.Copy !req
59. Now shut up and follow me.Copy !req
60. Ow, it's hot.Copy !req
61. The butter in my pocket is melting.Copy !req
62. Yup.Copy !req
63. We thank you, Bender,
for the gift we are about to receive.Copy !req
64. Tangled-up Christmas lights.Copy !req
65. We can take shifts untangling them.Copy !req
66. And unlabeled booze.Copy !req
67. Wide mouth, too.Copy !req
68. That ought to keep those dopes occupied.Copy !req
69. I can guard the real box in peace
now that no one's curious about it.Copy !req
70. Well, I got through the night
and no one looked in the box,Copy !req
71. not even me, the person
who gave up her whole eveningCopy !req
72. to watch it.Copy !req
73. A whole evening of TV gone.Copy !req
74. What a mockery of justice
that I can't take even a little tiny peek.Copy !req
75. I need coffee.Copy !req
76. Okay, heads, I look. Tails, I don't.Copy !req
77. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Heads!Copy !req
78. I mean, all right, then.Copy !req
79. No. I have a duty not to look.Copy !req
80. Then again, I promised the coin I would.Copy !req
81. Oh, it's deep.Copy !req
82. Deeper than a small box should be.Copy !req
83. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this.Copy !req
84. Leela, what have you done?Copy !req
85. Nothing. What do you mean,
why was I looking in the box?Copy !req
86. I meant you hair. It's all differenty.Copy !req
87. Bender, is that you?Copy !req
88. You know it. Large and in charge.Copy !req
89. Leela? Oh...Copy !req
90. There's a woman for you.Copy !req
91. Always dyeing her hair
instead of not looking in a box.Copy !req
92. I didn't dye my hair.Copy !req
93. This is how I always look.Copy !req
94. No, that's how you always look.Copy !req
95. This throws my entire perception
of reality into question.Copy !req
96. Clone, robot or long-lost twin?Copy !req
97. Taking all bets.Copy !req
98. I also offer video poker.Copy !req
99. It's some guy wearing a Leela costume.Copy !req
100. Get him.Copy !req
101. Hold it. You have this all wrong.Copy !req
102. I just fell into the box
and then I fell out somehow.Copy !req
103. You shut up, sir.Copy !req
104. No, wait. I've got it.Copy !req
105. I know what's in the box.Copy !req
106. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry.Copy !req
107. Am not.Copy !req
108. It contains a parallel universe!Copy !req
109. And when you create a parallel universe,Copy !req
110. it's almost always
populated by evil twins.Copy !req
111. Now, look, I am not evil.Copy !req
112. My loan officer said so.Copy !req
113. Oh, you'd like us to believe that
wouldn't you, Leela?Copy !req
114. Or should I say, Evilla?Copy !req
115. Aw, this is awful.Copy !req
116. Somewhere there's
a more evil Bender than me.Copy !req
117. I do my best, damn it!Copy !req
118. Leela, the good Leela,Copy !req
119. I want you
to snoop around the other universeCopy !req
120. and find out how evil they are.Copy !req
121. Here.Copy !req
122. I tell you, they're not evil.
But don't be confused, they are jerks.Copy !req
123. Hello.Copy !req
124. - Hi-ya!
- Ow!Copy !req
125. Come out of your universe
with your hands up.Copy !req
126. Oh, wow, it's like that drug trip
I saw in that movieCopy !req
127. when I was on that drug trip.Copy !req
128. Astonishing!Copy !req
129. I must have created a parallel universe.Copy !req
130. Baldercrap! I created your universe.Copy !req
131. All you created was my fist
parallel to your face.Copy !req
132. Ow.Copy !req
133. Look, it doesn't matter who created what.Copy !req
134. The important thing is...Copy !req
135. Hi-ya!Copy !req
136. We're exactly the same.Copy !req
137. I know all her moves.Copy !req
138. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.Copy !req
139. Hi-ya! Ow!Copy !req
140. Now, now, perfectly symmetrical violence
never solved anything.Copy !req
141. Let's recap what's happened so far.Copy !req
142. As you can see, I accidentally created
a box containing your universe.Copy !req
143. While I, in a simultaneous blunder,Copy !req
144. created a box containing your universe.Copy !req
145. This is getting confusing.Copy !req
146. Why don't we call
our universe "Universe A"Copy !req
147. and this universe "Universe B"?Copy !req
148. Hey, why can't we be "Universe A"?Copy !req
149. Yeah!Copy !req
150. - Yeah!
- It's the best letter!Copy !req
151. We called it first.Copy !req
152. Besides, this place kind of feels
like a "B," you know?Copy !req
153. All right, you can be crummy "Universe A"Copy !req
154. and we'll be "Universe One."Copy !req
155. Or "The Mongooses."
That's a cool team name.Copy !req
156. "The Fighting Mongooses."Copy !req
157. Wait a second.Copy !req
158. If everyone is identical
why did our Leela look into the boxCopy !req
159. and your Leela didn't?Copy !req
160. Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin.Copy !req
161. It came up tails, so I didn't look.Copy !req
162. That's weird.Copy !req
163. Mine came up heads, so I did.Copy !req
164. Interesting.Copy !req
165. Apparently, the key difference
between our universesCopy !req
166. is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.Copy !req
167. That explains Fruity here.Copy !req
168. I tossed a coin to pick my finish.Copy !req
169. Foghat Gray.Copy !req
170. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass.Copy !req
171. You people and your
slight differences disgust me.Copy !req
172. I'm going home.Copy !req
173. Where's that blue box
with our universe in it?Copy !req
174. Oh, you'd like to get back
to your evil universe, wouldn't you,Copy !req
175. and destroy your box
with our universe inside it?Copy !req
176. Nonsense.Copy !req
177. I would never do such a thingCopy !req
178. unless you were already having
been going to do that.Copy !req
179. Wha...Copy !req
180. You heard me.Copy !req
181. In any case, I've hidden the box,Copy !req
182. and it will remain hidden
until I'm convinced you're not evil.Copy !req
183. Everyone, keep an eye
on your evil counterpart.Copy !req
184. And you all do the same.Copy !req
185. Um, can Fry and I watch
our parallel selves together?Copy !req
186. We have plans tonight.Copy !req
187. You guys are dating?Copy !req
188. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
189. We're married.Copy !req
190. I got my eye on you, boy.Copy !req
191. Don't even think about it, lunch pail.Copy !req
192. You'd be dead before you hit the ground.Copy !req
193. Good point.Copy !req
194. What do you say we just hit a strip joint?Copy !req
195. I was waiting for one of us to say that.Copy !req
196. Bender A, you're a prince among robots.Copy !req
197. Can you forgive me for distrusting you?Copy !req
198. Aw, I can't stay mad at
what is essentially me.Copy !req
199. I love me.Copy !req
200. This is so great!Copy !req
201. I always wanted an imaginary friend.Copy !req
202. I'm not imaginary, I'm parallel.Copy !req
203. We're exactly the same,
right down to the...Copy !req
204. Splech! Is that pink nail polish?Copy !req
205. Is that not pink nail polish?Copy !req
206. The professor's right, you are evil,Copy !req
207. and shallow.Copy !req
208. I am not evil.Copy !req
209. So, Fry, Leela,
how'd you two get together?Copy !req
210. Funny story.Copy !req
211. I asked Leela out a million times
but she just kept rejecting me.Copy !req
212. I'd make up stuff like
"I have sweaty boot rash"Copy !req
213. or "I have to meet the president."Copy !req
214. Oh, man, you never heard such excuses.Copy !req
215. But, like a dope, I believed her.Copy !req
216. Looking back on it now,
it's kind of funny.Copy !req
217. It sure is.Copy !req
218. Right, Leela? Funny. Ha, ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
219. Then one night, when Fry asked me out,Copy !req
220. the only excuse I could think of
involved ghosts.Copy !req
221. I knew he wouldn't buy it.Copy !req
222. So, I did what I always do
in those situations.Copy !req
223. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
224. I flipped a coin.Copy !req
225. It came up heads and we went out.Copy !req
226. You mean, you flipped a coin, too,
and it was tails?Copy !req
227. So, that's why you said
you had to meet that ghost.Copy !req
228. You really missed out on something, Leela.Copy !req
229. That date was magical.Copy !req
230. One year later, I gave Leela
a diamond scrunchyCopy !req
231. and we were married.Copy !req
232. Ooh...Copy !req
233. One year later, I got beat up
at a Neil Diamond concertCopy !req
234. by a guy named Scrunchy.Copy !req
235. Well, that was pointless.Copy !req
236. Say, I hope you won't
think it "evil" of meCopy !req
237. to ask how you got
that stylish head wound.Copy !req
238. Oh, this old thing?Copy !req
239. I was experimenting to see
if I could remove my own brain.Copy !req
240. Of course. I had the same idea.Copy !req
241. I flipped a coin to decide
if I should proceedCopy !req
242. but it came up tails.Copy !req
243. So, I didn't.Copy !req
244. How'd it go?Copy !req
245. Well, getting the brain out
was the easy part.Copy !req
246. The hard part was getting the brain out.Copy !req
247. Oh, you.Copy !req
248. So, tell me about yourself.Copy !req
249. Well, don't look into it,Copy !req
250. but I'm a respected
internal medicine doctor.Copy !req
251. Ooh, a can!Copy !req
252. As for me, I design mansions,
then live in them.Copy !req
253. I'm lying.Copy !req
254. I'm an appalling failure.Copy !req
255. Me, too.Copy !req
256. A big fat one.Copy !req
257. And those coworkers,Copy !req
258. always looking down on us Zoidbergs.Copy !req
259. What are they, from Nob Hill?Copy !req
260. They're all like,
"Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg.Copy !req
261. "Put on pants, Zoidberg.Copy !req
262. "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."Copy !req
263. Ooh, that box!Copy !req
264. Too good for us, is it?Copy !req
265. Bah! Someday they'll watch
from down in the gutter, they will,Copy !req
266. as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box.Copy !req
267. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster
saw where Professor hid the box.Copy !req
268. Good news, everyones.Copy !req
269. After carefully reading the scriptures,Copy !req
270. we've concluded that none of us are evil.Copy !req
271. Yes, the Bible is the real "good news."Copy !req
272. Anyhow, you're all free
to go back to your own universe.Copy !req
273. What's going on here?Copy !req
274. Why aren't you all out
destroying the professor's box?Copy !req
275. Hermes, aren't you curiousCopy !req
276. about the fact
that there's two of everybody?Copy !req
277. No. Now, like my granny used to sayCopy !req
278. back in her tarpaper shack on Montego Bay,Copy !req
279. "If you want a box hurled into the sun,Copy !req
280. "you got to do it yourself."Copy !req
281. Your granny can go to hell.Copy !req
282. I've hidden the box so no one can destroyCopy !req
283. the home universe
of my handsome friend here.Copy !req
284. Oh, go on.Copy !req
285. Wait a second.Copy !req
286. If your Hermes wasCopy !req
287. about to destroy the box
containing our universe...Copy !req
288. Then your Hermes...Copy !req
289. Oh, my.Copy !req
290. And sure enough...Copy !req
291. Like Granny said,Copy !req
292. "If you want a box hurled into the sun,Copy !req
293. "you got to do it yourself."Copy !req
294. God rest her zombie bones.Copy !req
295. So we go back through the box
and stop Hermes.Copy !req
296. Right. Good thing Professor B there
hid it in the coelacanth tank.Copy !req
297. No one but a crazy lobster
would look there.Copy !req
298. It's gone!Copy !req
299. All hail Zoidberg,Copy !req
300. the king with the box.Copy !req
301. Now it's my turn maybe?Copy !req
302. The box says no.Copy !req
303. Meanwhile, in Universe A,Copy !req
304. Hermes A heads toward the sun... A.Copy !req
305. "Item one, box."Copy !req
306. Check.Copy !req
307. "Item two, sun."Copy !req
308. Ooh, that's a big check.Copy !req
309. Ooh!Copy !req
310. If I know parallel Hermes,
he's at the sun by now.Copy !req
311. Our universe is doomed!Copy !req
312. Doomed!Copy !req
313. Now, don't give up yet, you crybabies.Copy !req
314. The box is gone, but we still have
one preposterously slim hope.Copy !req
315. Is it a kind of hair spray?Copy !req
316. No! We must attempt to makeCopy !req
317. another box containing our universe. Doy.Copy !req
318. Well, is that your universes in there?Copy !req
319. Nope. Too cold.Copy !req
320. Hmm. All women.Copy !req
321. I'll put this one aside for later.Copy !req
322. Oh, mon, it's hopeless.Copy !req
323. We'll never find your universe in time.Copy !req
324. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.Copy !req
325. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.Copy !req
326. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.Copy !req
327. I'm not sad,Copy !req
328. because I finally found
someone as great as me.Copy !req
329. It's like I always say,Copy !req
330. "Make new friends, but keep the old.Copy !req
331. "One is silver..."Copy !req
332. "And the other's gold."Copy !req
333. Why with the long faces?Copy !req
334. The idiots have the box!Copy !req
335. I think she means you.Copy !req
336. Grab them!Copy !req
337. You coward! Wait for me!Copy !req
338. Blug! Which one did they go into?Copy !req
339. Oh, let's all ask each other!Copy !req
340. That'll solve this problem!Copy !req
341. We'll each have to search a universe.Copy !req
342. Everyone grab a length of wire first
so you can find your way back.Copy !req
343. Hello?Copy !req
344. Did you see two smelly lobsters?Copy !req
345. We didn't see anything...Copy !req
346. Ever.Copy !req
347. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by?Copy !req
348. - Hell, no.
- Shut up.Copy !req
349. Beat it, jerk!Copy !req
350. Uh, have you robot versions of you guysCopy !req
351. seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?Copy !req
352. Negative.
Will you go out with me?Copy !req
353. Uh, access denied.Copy !req
354. Hey, pal, look what I snagged
from the leprechaun universe.Copy !req
355. Yeah, leprechaun universe is fine,Copy !req
356. if you haven't seen pirate universe.Copy !req
357. Faith and Begorra!Copy !req
358. Que?Copy !req
359. Quick! Into another box!Copy !req
360. There aren't any in this universe,
there aren't.Copy !req
361. Hey, you, what with the no boxes?Copy !req
362. Baby, they're somewhere.Copy !req
363. Everything's, like, somewhere.Copy !req
364. Place is kind of au naturel right now.Copy !req
365. There they are!Copy !req
366. Gotcha!Copy !req
367. Dig it, all of you fitting in this box
is, like, seriously freaked up.Copy !req
368. Nonsense! Why, there's
a whole universe in there.Copy !req
369. Dude, there's a universe in all of us.Copy !req
370. Right on, Professor Freaksworth!Copy !req
371. Get a job!Copy !req
372. We've got the box!Copy !req
373. Everyone pull your wires!Copy !req
374. Hurry! Back to Universe A!Copy !req
375. Hermes! Don't press that button!Copy !req
376. Okay.Copy !req
377. - Bye, Leela.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
378. - So long.
- So long, Your Majesty.Copy !req
379. There but for the flip of a coin go we.Copy !req
380. So, um, Leela, seeing how
the universe wasn't destroyed,Copy !req
381. uh, you want to catch an ape fight?Copy !req
382. You know, together?Copy !req
383. Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.Copy !req
384. So? Heads or tails?Copy !req
385. You know, let's just say it's heads.Copy !req
386. Ready?Copy !req
387. One, two, three, pull!Copy !req
388. There.Copy !req
389. That space-time eversion
has given us their box, and vice versa.Copy !req
390. So what you think you just
explained to us is that...Copy !req
391. Correct! This box contains
our own universe!Copy !req
392. Sweet honeybee of infinity!Copy !req
393. Bender, quit destroying the universe.Copy !req
394. But... Oh!Copy !req
395. Yes, all that is and ever shall be
is in that box.Copy !req
396. And the box itself
is probably worth something, too.Copy !req
397. We must cherish itCopy !req
398. as we cherish every moment of our lives.Copy !req