Futurama 4x9

Directed by Brian Sheesley

With Planet Express in financial trouble, Fry nominates a flashy businessman from the 1980s to replace Professor Farnsworth as CEO of the company. That Guy goes on to sell Planet Express to Mom's Friendly Robot Corporation, putting everyone out of a job.

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1. Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle.

2. I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

3. Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.

4. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There.

5. Uh, maybe I should drive.

6. You? A woman?

7. I'm trying to catch a monster

8. not find the quickest route to the mall!

9. Let me just adjust the seat...

10. Whoa! Oh...!

11. My God, he's going to do it.

12. Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

13. Pazuzu!

14. Oh, Pazuzu...!

15. Hey, grandpa, move your wrinkly old keister!

16. Shut up!

17. For Heaven's Gate, Professor

18. this ship can do 99% light speed.

19. Why are we going 35 miles an hour?

20. Because we're in a hurry, that's why!

21. Plus, you have the high beams on.

22. I can't quite read the sign.

23. Pazuzu!

24. Pazu... zu!

25. Yo, Captain Cataracts.

26. What are we doing here?

27. Oh, it's 2:30.

28. We can still catch the early bird dinner special.

29. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle?

30. My wha...?

31. Hello, Mavis.

32. Surprised to see me back again so soon?

33. Mavis is dead.

34. I expect you'll want to see

35. my Angry, Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card.

36. Sir, this card is expired.

37. But it's good for a lifetime.

38. Well, yours expired.

39. Oh, Lord.

40. Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor.

41. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth.

42. They're nuclear-powered!

43. Ow! It bit my finger!

44. No! No! It's tasted human blood.

45. Mmm...

46. Damn good meat.

47. Professor, we've talked it over

48. and everybody thinks you're too old.

49. Uh-huh. Right on. Yep.

50. We've decided to do the merciful thing

51. and have you youth-a-sized.

52. Dear God, no!

53. Oh, relax, Professor.

54. Youth-a-sizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

55. It's this season's shark cartilage enema.

56. But I like being old.

57. I don't have to talk to my parents

58. no one asks me to help move their stuff

59. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms...

60. Okay, okay. We're not going to force you

61. until I finish this sentence.

62. Get him!

63. Oh... my thong!

64. Hi.

65. I'm Heather, your personal youth-a-sizer.

66. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we?

67. Go to hell, Heather!

68. Oh...

69. In small doses, botulism toxin

70. tightens and tones the facial muscles

71. instead of killing you

72. in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

73. Give me back my floppy face.

74. Oh! Whoo! Ooh!

75. Careful with the giblets!

76. Mmm, your still retaining a lot of grump

77. in these joints.

78. More pressure.

79. Aah...

80. Since this is such a serious case of old

81. we'll have to try our strongest treatment—

82. a soothing, full-body bath

83. in searing hot tar.

84. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.

85. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

86. The tar blisters the age right out of the body

87. in what top scientists suspect is a miracle.

88. Oh, I don't have time for this!

89. I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon

90. and then return it

91. making people wait behind me while I complain!

92. He still sounds sort of old.

93. Sort of real old.

94. Step aside, lady.

95. Like everything else in life

96. pumping is just a primitive, degenerate form of bending.

97. Whoa! Whoo!

98. Oh! Whoa!

99. Come on, Bender, pump harder! Harder!

100. I'm trying as hard as I can.

101. Harder, damn you!

102. Well, that was an utter waste of time.

103. Professor, it worked!

104. You look young enough to be my father.

105. Poodle spit!

106. 53 years old?

107. Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultraporn.

108. This is cool, Professor.

109. We should go out and celebrate.

110. Huh? What?

111. Dear Lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms.

112. Hooray, I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

113. While I try to restore our normal ages

114. I expect you all to go about your jobs

115. like responsible professionals.

116. It wasn't me, Mr. F.

117. It was Amy.

118. Stop it, Amy. You stink!

119. You know you did it.

120. Quiet! Quiet, I say!

121. We're here to take my little stub

122. of a husband home.

123. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth.

124. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth.

125. Hey, this is my chance

126. to spend time with my parents, too.

127. But your parents are gross sewer mutants.

128. Ow!

129. When I was an orphan, I always wished

130. I could grow up with my mom and dad.

131. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time...

132. That's not what happened!

133. Shut up and go live with your parents!

134. It's going to be totally awesome, Mom.

135. You and me can bake

136. and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face.

137. And if some kid picks on me

138. my dad can beat up his dad!

139. Can't I just beat up the kid?

140. Well, okay, Leela.

141. If you think you can put up with your father

142. then welcome home.

143. We'll try to respect your independence

144. and freedom... No!

145. I want the real teen experience.

146. Chores, curfew, the works!

147. Fine, sweetiekins.

148. We'll be the strictest parents ever.

149. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate.

150. Dad! I'm underage!

151. Oh, right.

152. Here's a Silly Straw.

153. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again.

154. This like a mother's dream.

155. Bad dream, that is.

156. At this rate, I'm never going to get a grandchild! Agh!

157. Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out.

158. She fat.

159. Dad, if you're going to make fat jokes till I get cute again

160. I'm just going to stay in my room.

161. Stay in room?

162. You so fat, you going to stay all around room.

163. I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth.

164. Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork

165. every three hours.

166. And those jerks at Social Security

167. stopped sending me checks.

168. Nowhave to pay them!

169. I'm tired of your yapping!

170. All you ever do is complain.

171. You never try to make things better.

172. Well, I'm running away from this dead-end family.

173. I know there's a place for people like me, with new ideas.

174. There has to be!

175. Fine. Get going.

176. Oh, I'm going.

177. And you're going to be all, "Where's Bender?

178. I miss Bender."

179. We won't know that until you leave.

180. Oh, I'm leaving.

181. There's the door.

182. I'll be good.

183. Do you have to shed your skin on the couch?

184. What do we live in, a zoo?

185. I'm getting the doorbell.

186. For me?

187. Oh, hello, sir.

188. It's a lovely evening you have tonight.

189. Um, I'm here to pick up your daughter.

190. Hi, Fry.

191. I like your blazer.

192. Thanks. These aren't pockets, they're just flaps.

193. I put my money in my sock.

194. So, where are you taking my daughter tonight?

195. A movie.

196. A-A movie, ma'am.

197. Well, whatever you're really doing

198. don't wake us if you get in after 12:00.

199. Dad! You're being too lenient again.

200. I have to be back by 11:00.

201. Okay. Okay.

202. You're the boss.

203. No, I'm not!

204. I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces.

205. What, are you on a diet?

206. Duh, Leela, you look hot.

207. Geez, Moose, just dump me

208. right in front of her, why don't you?

209. Moose, Mandy, this is my friend Fry...

210. from the surface?

211. Oh, so this is the famous Fry.

212. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface

213. so he has to hang out in the sewer?

214. They're on to me. Hey, come on.

215. Let's act like grown-ups here. Want to race?

216. Duh... yeah.

217. Huh!

218. Theres.

219. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.

220. Whoas! Cripe!

221. We missed the turn! We'll never catch them!

222. Yes, we will!

223. This sewer goes right under Planet Express

224. and it's 9:00 p.m.!

225. The devil take this predictable colon!

226. Aaaiieeee!

227. Whoo-hoo!

228. Whoo-hoo! All right!

229. Leela, you can stop winning now. We won.

230. I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

231. That's detention.

232. And then, and then a giant tapeworm

233. tried to play us for chumps!

234. But we, like, totally dissed Moose.

235. Yes, I'd like to meet this "Moose."

236. But in the meantime, I have good news.

237. I may have solved our age problem.

238. Yay!

239. It seems the youth-a-sizing tar was saturated

240. with time-altering chronitons.

241. A thin layer is still stuck to our DNA

242. as well as Bender's "Robo," or "RNA."

243. Question?

244. Yes?

245. You stink.

246. Yes, yes.

247. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium

248. that should take the tar right off.

249. Come on, let's go tell Leela

250. so we can grow up together.

251. Thanks, Professor

252. but I don't want the treatment.

253. Don't you understand, you little nitwit?

254. Unless you're treated soon, the only way

255. to restore your true age will be to grow into it...

256. just as God intended!

257. He has a point, honey.

258. What about your job and your friends?

259. Do you really want to abandon your old life?

260. My old life wasn't as glamorous

261. as my web-page made it look.

262. All I ever wanted was to grow up here, with you.

263. Please?

264. Well, if it's what you really want...

265. It is. I know it is.

266. I'll miss you, Leela.

267. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up.

268. Bring beer.

269. No beer till you finish your tequila.

270. The age-restoring microbes

271. are ready— everyone into the Bacterial Spew Chamber.

272. Let's go!

273. Yes, everyone do the same thing.

274. Initiating controlled infection.

275. Aah-choo!

276. I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

277. Aw, poo.

278. We're even younger.

279. Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar

280. and now they're getting freaky-deaky...

281. spreading chronitons throughout our systems.

282. We're getting younger by the minute!

283. No! Yikes!

284. What, I'm going to revert through all my larval stages?

285. Word. We'll all keep getting younger and younger

286. until we suffer a fate worse than death...

287. pre-life!

288. Then, death.

289. I've got to stop this reverse aging

290. before we all shrivel up

291. and suffer the agony of unbirth!

292. Think, you disco duck, think!

293. What's that squirmle under your shirt?

294. Oh, get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

295. Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

296. Woo-woo-woo-woo!

297. Would you all chill?

298. I can't think with you kids cramping my style!

299. Ooh, I need a baby-sitter.

300. Okay, quiet time.

301. I know.

302. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues

303. and I'll read you a story.

304. Ooh, story! A story!

305. I can't see from down here, I can't.

306. There.

307. Today's story is from Muteen magazine.

308. Who would you rather hear about— four-legged Chachi

309. or tentacle Chachi?

310. I wanna hear a space story.

311. It's kind of a baby book, but okay— let's see.

312. "Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs"

313. "Charlotte's Tholian Web"

314. "The Fountain of Aging."

315. The Fountain of Aging?

316. Hmm... it is just a legend.

317. Still, they called the Tooth Fairy a legend

318. and now he's head of the F.B.I.

319. 'Sup? Kids ready?

320. Yay, Professy's back!

321. Eww, you smell like smoking...

322. and drinking.

323. I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

324. I wish I could come with you

325. to say good-bye before you all turn back into grown-ups.

326. But I'm grounded for knocking the school over.

327. Who cares, Leela?

328. It was just a public school.

329. Now, go with your friends, please.

330. No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room!

331. Until she sneaks out.

332. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel.

333. According to this

334. the fountain is located in the darkest

335. most ancient region of space

336. just past Teddy Bear Junction.

337. Teddy Bear Junction—

338. the worst scum hole in the galaxy.

339. This solar system

340. is, like, way old!

341. Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up

342. on that planet. News flash!

343. Everything's getting older

344. the closer we get to that ancient

345. burnt-out sun.

346. Dude!

347. The Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself!

348. Shut up! I was gonna say that.

349. We've got to hurry—

350. the kids have only one change of pants!

351. We gotta be real, real careful to stay in it

352. just long enough to make us our right ages again.

353. Whee!

354. Zoidberg, get out of there!

355. The current! It's too much, already! Help!

356. Jeepers. Zoidberg is dead!

357. No, Zoidberg's brother is dead.

358. Funny story— I just reverted to the age

359. when my siblings budded from me

360. and my brother Norman split off

361. and jumped in the fountain.

362. He always had to be the center of attention!

363. Good riddance! Let him go!

364. Oh, no!

365. Quick!

366. Get them into the fountain!

367. Thanks for the help, Weewa.

368. Once we're growed up, you can go back to your famwy.

369. We'w never bother you again.

370. Well, you could bother me a little.

371. Ooh... oh!

372. It's working! Hooray!

373. I can't hold on!

374. I'm coming in after you!

375. No, Leela!

376. You can't give you up your childhood!

377. You'll never have another chance at it!

378. We did it! We're the right ages again.

379. I think I might be a couple years younger!

380. Oh, me, too!

381. Help!

382. I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

383. He's too far out! We can't reach him!

384. With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

385. Pazuzu!

386. Oh, you came back to me!

387. Are you back to your original age, Professor?

388. Even older!

389. Huzzah!

390. I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela.

391. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes

392. but I worked hard to be the person I am.

393. The fabulous person!

394. With friends like you guys...

395. Fabulous friends!

396. Mm. And I'm really happy I have that life back.

397. And you, my faithful fiend—

398. how can I ever repay you?

399. And that, little one, is how Papa gain his freedom.

400. Now, bon nuit.

401. Bon nuit to you all.