Futurama 4x8

Directed by Susie Dietter

Bender is accidentally shot out of the ship's torpedo tube and becomes lost in space. Floating through the ethereal darkness, Bender becomes inhabited with tiny alien life forms, but has trouble playing God to their unyielding prayers.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hurry up with the water.

2. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am.

3. It's that hot, it is.

4. Man, it's hot.

5. How hot is it?

6. It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee

7. in my lap to cool off.

8. Johnny Carson said it.

9. No, Nibbler!

10. Don't drink the pool water.

11. It's full of chlorine.

12. Ah.

13. Lightweights.

14. Oh, wait, chlorine.

15. Perhaps this movie

16. will help take our minds off the heat.

17. Focus.

18. You're probably wondering

19. why your ice cream went away.

20. Well, Susie, the culprit isn't foreigners.

21. It's global warming.

22. Gwobu wabu?

23. Y-yeah.

24. Meet Mr. Sunbeam.

25. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth.

26. Hello, Earth.

27. Just popping in to brighten your day.

28. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

29. And now, I'll be on my way.

30. Not so fast, Sunbeam.

31. We're greenhouse gases.

32. You ain't going nowhere.

33. Oh, God, it hurts.

34. Pretty soon, Earth is chockfull of sunbeams

35. their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

36. How do we get wid of the gweenhouse gwases?

37. Fortunately, our handsomest politicians

38. came up with a cheap, last-minute way

39. to combat global warming.

40. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube

41. into the ocean every now and then.

42. Just like Daddy puts in his dwink every morning.

43. And then he gets mad.

44. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up

45. it takes more and more ice each time.

46. Thus, solving the problem once and for all.

47. But...

48. Once and for all!

49. Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes.

50. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it.

51. Hello?

52. President Nixon here.

53. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice.

54. And hurry up.

55. I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover

56. trying to squeeze into a new girdle.

57. You heard the good news, everyone.

58. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera.

59. Bye.

60. Wait, where do we get the ice?

61. The whuh?

62. Oh, Halley's Comet, of course.

63. The only sufficient source of ice cubes

64. that don't have bugs in them.

65. Wow, mining a comet.

66. That sounds fun.

67. Yes, there's no safer occupation than mining.

68. Especially when you're perched on a snowball

69. whipping through space at a million miles an hour.

70. Whoo, whoo, whoo.

71. Safe.

72. Deploying ice drill.

73. Wow, that ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you.

74. Yakov Smirnoff said it.

75. No he didn't.

76. Activating ice drill.

77. Oh, my God.

78. It's out of ice.

79. Like some outer space Motel 6.

80. Completely out of ice?

81. This could mean

82. the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it.

83. Also life.

84. With Halley's Comet out of ice

85. Earth is experiencing the devastating effects

86. of sudden, intense global warming.

87. Morbo is pleased but sticky.

88. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps

89. causing floods of Biblical proportion.

90. They called me crazy for building this ark.

91. You are crazy.

92. You filled it with same-sex animal couples.

93. Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like

94. and parts I don't like.

95. Direct your pity now to the African turtles

96. seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

97. That poor turtle.

98. Bender, are you crying?

99. Uh, no, never.

100. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads

101. peace amongst the Dutch tulips.

102. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

103. Windmills do not work that way!

104. Good night!

105. Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle.

106. What have you done with your lives?

107. You went all the way to Holland already?

108. Bender, a turtle isn't yourself.

109. Why do you care about it?

110. Because, I also care deeply about things

111. that remind me of myself.

112. Like poor little Shelly here.

113. What could you possibly have in common

114. with this walking soup mix?

115. For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell.

116. But lead a rich inner life.

117. And also... well, you know.

118. You're both alcoholic

119. whoremongering chain-smoking gamblers?

120. No, it's just...

121. neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.

122. What?

123. I've seen you get up off your back tons of times.

124. Those times I was slightly on my side.

125. Interesting.

126. Maybe we should test

127. this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

128. Uh, no, that's not necessary, really.

129. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

130. Oh, that's what I get

131. for sharing my vulnerability with you.

132. Calling all scientists, calling all scientists.

133. Be advised, there will be a worldwide conference

134. on global warming in Kyoto, Japan.

135. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine.

136. You've got a degree in baloney.

137. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

138. Forget it. I'm not going.

139. I have my reasons.

140. Shut up, all of you!

141. Strange.

142. You haven't acted this suspicious

143. since I found those "ape" bones in the basement.

144. My hip hurts.

145. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey.

146. I have warranty cards to fill out.

147. I am not just making excuses.

148. All right, I'll go!

149. Oh, oh, oh, it's Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

150. He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks.

151. His wristwatch is a Casio.

152. Thank you all for coming.

153. It is my pleasure to introduce the host

154. of the Kyoto global warming convention.

155. The inventor of the environment, and first Emperor of the Moon

156. Al Gore.

157. I have ridden the mighty Moon worm.

158. Good for him.

159. My fellow Earthicans

160. as I discuss in my book, Earth in the Balance

161. and the much more popular

162. Harry Patter and the Balance of Earth

163. we need to defend our planet against pollution

164. as well as dark wizards.

165. Sure, blame the wizards.

166. That's why I'm offering a bag of Moon sapphires

167. to the first scientist who can solve this problem

168. once and for all.

169. Lovely, aren't they?

170. Sapphires?

171. With those I could open the Gate of Garesh.

172. First up is Professor Ogden Wernstrom.

173. Wernstrom!

174. Ladies and gentlemen

175. I have placed in orbit a giant mirror

176. that will reflect 40% of the sun's rays

177. thus cooling Earth.

178. Observe.

179. Problem solved.

180. Whoa.

181. That's a little bright.

182. All right...

183. what else we got?

184. Professor, you're a professor.

185. You must have some ideas.

186. Absolutely not.

187. I won't speak.

188. I've got nothing to hide!

189. Our next speaker is Professor...

190. I demand the floor!

191. Yes, it's your turn to speak.

192. Well, nuts to me.

193. I'm taking the stage.

194. I know the source of the greenhouse gases.

195. But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years.

196. Oh, it haunts my memories still.

197. Professor, no! Don't do it!

198. Don't do what?

199. Don't use this memory ray

200. so I can remember what happened back then?

201. It was October 17th at 1:54 p.m.

202. and 14 birds were flying by the window.

203. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company.

204. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff

205. and a little on the uptight side.

206. Oh, dear.

207. Might I favor Master with a tender kiss on the forehead?

208. Oh, I failed again.

209. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

210. Oh, dear.

211. The owner of the company pressured me

212. to create a bigger, sportier robot.

213. It wasn't easy

214. but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

215. What was that?

216. A flaming burp.

217. Does it always do that?

218. It's not always a burp.

219. We still have one problem, though.

220. This robot will never meet emissions standards.

221. Crap spackle!

222. We'll just call it a Sport Utility Robot

223. and classify it as a light truck.

224. Well...

225. I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

226. What a fool I was!

227. If only I had made the effort

228. to develop a cleaner-burning robot.

229. But I was tired and in love.

230. Take me now, you stud!

231. Oh, this is all my fault!

232. That's awful, Professor.

233. Especially the making out part.

234. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

235. All modern robots descend

236. from my original smog-blasting designs

237. and that's the cause of global warming today.

238. Ah, so the robots are to blame

239. as I suspected.

240. We are left with only one possible course of action...

241. grim though it be.

242. I got a good feeling about this.

243. We must immediately and permanently

244. shut down, dismantle, and destroy all robots!

245. Wait. Surely there's a better...

246. The conference is over.

247. I must go now to help collect cans on Jupiter.

248. Peace out, y'all.

249. Destroy all robots!

250. Destroy all Robots!

251. Poor Bender.

252. Be brave, my friend.

253. Oh.

254. Come on.

255. You've got to come out of your chest sometime.

256. Would you do it for a Bender snack?

257. Aha!

258. Gotcha! Let me go!

259. I don't even want this stupid beer.

260. Yes!

261. You tried to trick me into coming out of my chest

262. but who has the beer now?

263. I've got mail.

264. Ooh.

265. It's a party, apparently.

266. Do you like to party?

267. To boogie down?

268. Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals.

269. It all goes down this Saturday

270. on the isolated Galapagos Islands

271. where there will no escape...

272. from the fun!

273. All robots must attend.

274. Strange.

275. Why would Nixon— an awkward, uncomfortable man—

276. suddenly throw a party

277. one of the most social events imaginable?

278. It's a trap, is why!

279. They're going to deactivate all the robots.

280. I don't hear any gasping.

281. We all figured that out.

282. Oh.

283. Well, I'm off.

284. Wait, we can hide you.

285. We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl.

286. No.

287. I'm going to the party.

288. I won't let you!

289. Fry, as you know

290. there are lots of things I'm willing to kill for.

291. Jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

292. But at long last

293. I've found something I'm willing to die for.

294. This mindless turtle.

295. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you.

296. Not even close.

297. Good-bye, everybody!

298. Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

299. It's booby-trapped.

300. Poor guy.

301. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink.

302. Crummy keg.

303. It's completely...

304. Oh, you're a robot.

305. Don't stop.

306. Attention, happening robots.

307. Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon?

308. You fellows enjoy yourselves for the next two hours

309. and be sure not to leave the island

310. uh, for at least two hours.

311. I'm going out to pick up some smokes.

312. Really good smokes.

313. Two hours.

314. Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

315. Bah!

316. Do you want to dance?

317. No, I-I'm not really in the...

318. You know you want to.

319. Per your orders, I modified my mirror

320. to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse

321. at the Galapagos.

322. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated.

323. Now, for your part of the bargain?

324. Ah, ooh, very well.

325. Agnew, you belong to Wernstrom now.

326. I'll say good-bye now.

327. There ain't no turtles where daddy's a-goin'.

328. Don't tell anybody

329. but Nixon's about

330. to shut all the robots off, and...

331. What?

332. It's a trap. We're going to die.

333. Oh!

334. Nixon's not bringing the smokes.

335. Shut and pay attention to me, Bender!

336. Look, I love life and its pleasures

337. as much as anyone here

338. except perhaps you, Hedonismbot.

339. But we need to be shut off!

340. Especially you, Hedonismbot.

341. I apologize for nothing!

342. We pollute too much!

343. We're destroying the world and killing the turtles!

344. To hell with the turtles.

345. No one insults the turtles.

346. Get 'em!

347. Why you...

348. Let the games begin!

349. Everyone, listen!

350. Damn!

351. I've devised a way to save you

352. and stop global warming at the same time.

353. Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gases...

354. You're one to talk.

355. Ooh!

356. But we can use those

357. very gases to save the planet.

358. If you all vent your exhaust

359. directly upward in one burst

360. it should thrust the Earth further from the Sun

361. thus cooling it.

362. Ooh.

363. By my calculations

364. we'll need the full force of every last robot.

365. So quickly

366. everyone point your exhaust vents

367. straight upwards.

368. Now, vent.

369. Vent like the wind!

370. Harder! Harder!

371. Yeah.

372. Why isn't this working?

373. Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

374. Help! Help!

375. A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished!

376. Oh, the Jedis are going to feel this one!

377. I'm sorry, buddy.

378. At we'll die on our backs, helpless.

379. Huh?

380. What the hell are you doing?

381. Hey are you trying to make me look bad?

382. Aha!

383. I'm even greater than I thought I was.

384. And now, to fulfill my destiny.

385. Fire!

386. What the... ? We missed!

387. Professor, for saving the Earth

388. and foiling me

389. I proudly, yet angrily present you

390. with Earth's new highest honor—

391. The Polluting Medal of Pollution.

392. Thank you.

393. I deserve this.

394. Hey, Professor

395. now that the Earth's orbit is further

396. from the sun

397. won't that make the year longer?

398. Why, yes.

399. One week longer, to be exact.

400. In that case

401. I hereby declare it

402. Robot Party Week!