Futurama 4x7

Directed by Mark Ervin

Bender fears that nobody will remember him after he dies, and sees his chance for immortality when the crew is enslaved on the planet Osiris 4. Posing as the planet's new pharaoh, Bender orders a humongous statue built in his honor, and quickly goes mad with power.

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1. For my next trick

2. notice I have nothing up my sleeves

3. and nothing in my head.

4. So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me

5. with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk...

6. Behold— the milk has vanished.

7. Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension.

8. Amazing.

9. That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent.

10. No, it isn't.

11. Whoa.

12. They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria

13. just like the one I used to work at.

14. Interesting.

15. No, wait, the other thing.

16. Tedious.

17. Let's go check it out.

18. You can see how I lived before I met you.

19. You lived before you met me?

20. Sure, lots of people did.

21. Really?

22. Truly, they were as gods, who built this place.

23. Next...

24. we come

25. to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle.

26. Scientists theorize

27. it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

28. Wait a second.

29. This is Panucci's.

30. I used to work in this exact pizzeria.

31. And for your information, lady

32. this was not just used to paddle my butt.

33. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats.

34. I don't know where you get your facts, sir

35. but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation

36. and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists.

37. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me.

38. I recognize all this stuff.

39. Petrified sausages

40. old Mr. Vitelli

41. and that's...

42. Yes?

43. Pizza delivery for a Mr...

44. Seymour Asses.

45. There's no one by that name here.

46. Or anywhere.

47. I hope that in time

48. you'll realize what an idiot you've been.

49. I wouldn't count on that.

50. Aw. Poor little guy.

51. You look like

52. you haven't eaten in a month.

53. Here.

54. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses.

55. I like you, Seymour.

56. You're not constantly judging me

57. like all the other dogs.

58. Are you?

59. Nah.

60. We understand each other.

61. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad

62. can't find a girlfriend and has a crummy job.

63. But you're keeping it real and you call no man "mister."

64. Well, good-bye.

65. Live long and prosper.

66. Blech.

67. That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

68. No, that's my dog in there.

69. It's an outrage, I say.

70. Hey...

71. Ow.

72. I'm taking him home

73. and I'd like to see anyone

74. try and stop me. Uh-oh.

75. And then he was ejected by the guards.

76. Needless to say, I was mortified.

77. Well, it's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit.

78. That's like digging up Lassie

79. and putting her on display in the Louvre.

80. Lassie ison display in the Louvre.

81. I know.

82. I was deliberately describing

83. a similar situation.

84. Why don't you try protesting?

85. Like those native Martians.

86. Always whining that people

87. don't treat their ancestors bones with respect.

88. Eh, protesting never works.

89. You're right.

90. I'll give it a shot.

91. What do you want?

92. Fry's dog!

93. When do you want it?

94. Fry's dog!

95. I will now perform my people's native dance.

96. It says here that this part

97. of the Hustle

98. implores the gods to grant a favor

99. usually a Trans Am.

100. That-a-boy, Seymour.

101. Right here waiting for me as always.

102. Just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

103. Hey, there's our little mascot.

104. Aw, you've been swimming in the sewer again?

105. You rascal.

106. Fry, clean up.

107. Seymour, clean up.

108. Good dog.

109. That's a good Seymour.

110. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice.

111. Nah, that's vermicelli.

112. No fur in here.

113. He's so cute.

114. He can do two things at one time—

115. Eat and swim.

116. Ooh, three things.

117. Fry, it's been three days.

118. You can't keep boogying like this.

119. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

120. Mr. Fry

121. I'm Dr. Ben Beeler

122. the paleontologist who discovered your dog

123. or as some call it, the Beelersaurus.

124. So do I get Seymour back?

125. Are you caving to political pressure?

126. No. We're sorry

127. but there's just too much

128. that fossil can teach us

129. about dogs from your time.

130. His name was Seymour.

131. He was once intimate with the leg

132. of a wandering saxophonist.

133. He had wet dog smell, even when dry.

134. And he was not above chasing the Number 29 bus.

135. The 29... interesting.

136. That's all I needed. Ray?

137. I'm good.

138. Okay, then— here's your dog back.

139. Seymour!

140. Lady and gentleman

141. how about a hand for my temporary replacement assistant!

142. I was all in this part.

143. It's magic.

144. You're! Not! Fit! To wear! Fry's! Leotard!

145. Stop!

146. Good news, everyone.

147. Hooray, he's back!

148. And he's looking

149. for a garbage can to put the rock in.

150. Here you go, buddy.

151. No, actually we've discovered

152. that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized

153. preserving its cellular structure.

154. Which means we can clone it.

155. Seymour will live again!

156. A little land mammal.

157. Can you believe it, Bender?

158. I'm going to have my best friend back.

159. Why the idiot convention?

160. Ah, Cubert, my precious babe.

161. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog

162. using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

163. Ooh, look.

164. There's a smidge of toe still in here.

165. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell

166. there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.

167. So will Seymour remember how to sing

168. "Walking on Sunshine"?

169. Amazingly, yes.

170. In cases of rapid fossilization

171. I can press this brain-scan button

172. retrieving Seymour's memories

173. at the precise instant of doggy death.

174. I'm going to get my puppy back.

175. In your face, Grim Reaper!

176. Crappy, ineffective reaper.

177. I just need to reset the Clone-o-Mat from human mode

178. to dog mode.

179. The dog says...

180. Oh-oh, this may take a while.

181. You stink, loser!

182. Hey, Fry, pizza going out.

183. Come on!

184. But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve.

185. Like you got squat to celebrate.

186. You're a delivery boy this millennium

187. and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

188. What's with Seymour?

189. It's like he don't want you to go

190. or he thinks your pants is too short or something

191. which is crazy, because frankly, you look fabulous.

192. Now get going!

193. I won't be gone long, Seymour.

194. Just wait here till I come back.

195. Hello, pizza delivery for...

196. Aw, crud.

197. Here's to another lousy millennium.

198. Five... four...

199. three... two...

200. What the...?

201. A dog collar for me?

202. You shouldn't have.

203. That's for Seymour.

204. Oh.

205. Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl?

206. That's not a reputable journal of opinion.

207. Oh, that's also for Seymour.

208. I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned.

209. Are you on the junk, Fry?

210. Why are you wasting time

211. on a creature of inferior intelligence?

212. Hey, he was smart.

213. He could fetch.

214. I can fetch.

215. He could dig up bones.

216. Hello. Charlemagne?

217. Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

218. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you.

219. That's impossible!

220. Now, if you'll excuse me

221. I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

222. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live

223. in a tiny little house.

224. Not that I would.

225. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

226. Ow!

227. This is Fry.

228. If you're calling about the used towels for sale

229. they're still available for $45 each.

230. Phil, it's your father.

231. Where are you?

232. You're holding up New Years brunch.

233. Your brother can't wait any longer.

234. Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

235. Ah, here he comes.

236. That's him and Seymour.

237. Well, that's weird.

238. Seymour's here, but...

239. Go! Go! Touchdown!

240. But where's Philip?

241. I'm telling you, the Y2K computer's got him.

242. We'll face burning roads, rivers exploding

243. calculators transformed into Scud missiles.

244. There's nothing we can do.

245. What's that, Seymour?

246. You walking on sunshine?

247. He's trying to tell us something.

248. Maybe he can lead us to Philip.

249. Should we follow him?

250. To our deaths? Negatory.

251. It's the Y2K trying to lure us

252. into an ambush, and I ain't buying it.

253. Pass the bologna.

254. Are you two going to be done soon?

255. Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat

256. in case an enemy knocks the laser guns

257. out of our hands and they slide way across the room.

258. Well, could you do it someplace else?

259. I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

260. Okay.

261. Ow!

262. Heel, boy, heel.

263. Oh, hello, Fry.

264. I guess I didn't notice you there.

265. I'm having such fun with my new best friend

266. Robo-Puppy.

267. That's nice.

268. I was just out walking him.

269. Yes, you can walk him.

270. Of course, after he goes

271. you have to refill the canisters.

272. Come here, boy. Pet. Pet. Pet.

273. Robo-Puppy receiving petting.

274. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy?

275. That's so adorable.

276. Jealous? Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here.

277. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek.

278. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek.

279. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.

280. Licking in progress.

281. Licking complete.

282. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, huh?

283. There, perfect.

284. Good news, everyone.

285. The Clone-o-Mat is ready!

286. Finally.

287. Robo-Puppy commencing two hour yipping session.

288. Shut up.

289. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

290. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

291. Behold once more, the mighty Clone-o-Mat.

292. Requiring such vast amounts of electricity that we must

293. harness the elemental power of nature itself.

294. I speak, of course

295. of molten lava deep within the Earth's core.

296. To the subbasement.

297. Powering up Clone-o-Mat.

298. Placing fossil on the plat-clone-o-form.

299. Initiating dog brain CAT scan.

300. Come on, boy, come back to life.

301. Know ye now what it feels like to be Dog God.

302. Commencing DNA extraction.

303. Fry, come on

304. the talent show.

305. What? I'm in the middle of something.

306. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?

307. Bender, enough. Leave me alone.

308. So that's how it is, huh?

309. I thought you were my friend

310. but if you love your dog so much

311. maybe you'd rather play fetch.

312. No! Oh! No!

313. Now I'm all you got.

314. I hate you!

315. I hate you, you evil metal man!

316. Ow!

317. So anyway, your dog is melted.

318. Now we're friends again.

319. Not necessarily.

320. For the dog may yet survive.

321. May yet? Really?

322. Indeed.

323. You see, that fossil was made of dolomite—

324. the tough black mineral that won't cop out

325. when there's heat all about.

326. By contrast, observe the lava's effect

327. on this ice swan.

328. Of course, that would have melted

329. even at room temperature.

330. I just wanted to get rid of it.

331. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolomite

332. there's a slim chance it might have survived.

333. So Seymour might still exist?

334. Perhaps, for a few minutes.

335. It's dolomite, baby.

336. Then I'm going in after him.

337. He'd come after me.

338. Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back.

339. Then all hope is lost.

340. Good-bye, Seymour.

341. Please stop crying, Fry.

342. Here.

343. I assumed you were just pretending

344. to love the dog

345. to toy with my emotions.

346. Oh, what have I done?

347. You didn't do anything.

348. Don't beat yourself up.

349. Fry, I'm sorry.

350. I should have understood how someone can love

351. an inferior creature, because I love you.

352. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks

353. but the way a robot loves a human—

354. a human loves a dog—

355. and occasionally a gorilla loves a kitty.

356. I'm going in.

357. I'm a professor.

358. Why isn't anyone listening to me?

359. You can't go in because you'll melt.

360. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolomite.

361. I'm 40% dolomite.

362. Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

363. Oh, I am one hung-over cryogenicist.

364. Just throw that mutt in the freezer

365. till his owners get here.

366. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss.

367. I think you're forgetting our motto.

368. Are you the cryogenicist who called about our son's dog?

369. You must be the Frys.

370. Yeah, he's right over there.

371. Sorry we're late.

372. We all got sick from eating bad balogna.

373. Y2K.

374. What's he so worked up about?

375. He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing.

376. Come on, you overgrown rat, lead us to Philip.

377. Bender's been down there too long.

378. I'm going in after him.

379. Professor! Lava! Hot!

380. This is all my fault.

381. I let my best friend risk his life

382. just to get my dead dog back.

383. Bender!

384. And that is why

385. they call me Bender the magnificent.

386. Hey, where'd everybody go?

387. Okay, let's clone us some dog.

388. Yeah!

389. Very well—

390. let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

391. Interesting.

392. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15.

393. Fifteen?

394. You mean, he lived for 12 more years

395. after I got frozen?

396. Indeed.

397. Stop the cloning.

398. Oh, sure, smash the smart guy's machine.

399. Fry, what's wrong?

400. Think about it.

401. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone.

402. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire...

403. But that's a good thing.

404. "Walking on Sunshine" sucks noodles.

405. I had Seymour till he was three.

406. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him.

407. I'll never forget him...

408. but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

409. Ow!