1. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
2. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
3. There's no denying it—
the future's crazy.Copy !req
4. Oh, well,
don't want to stand out.Copy !req
5. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
6. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
7. There's nothing
crazy about it.Copy !req
8. It's just
Freedom Day.Copy !req
9. So, what is Freedom Day?Copy !req
10. Sounds like some kind
of feminine hygiene product.Copy !req
11. No. It's a fabulous,
crabulous day!Copy !req
12. If you want to do something,
you do it—Copy !req
13. and to spleck
with the consequences!Copy !req
14. You know, like how
I live every day.Copy !req
15. Happy Freedom Day!Copy !req
16. Oh, I think my wrist is broken.Copy !req
17. Of course, it wouldn't be
Freedom DayCopy !req
18. without the traditional
freedom tub.Copy !req
19. Ooh.
Wow, baby.Copy !req
20. Mmm, that'll feel nice
on my shattered bones.Copy !req
21. Wow, nude
hot-tubbing?Copy !req
22. That's all I need to hear
about Freedom Day.Copy !req
23. Then consider
the following
lecture a bonus.Copy !req
24. On Earth, freedom
is a given.Copy !req
25. But on my planet, we
have to suffer for it.Copy !req
26. Sure, you can
be a comedianCopy !req
27. instead of a doctor—Copy !req
28. if you want
your parentsCopy !req
29. to roll over
in their graves!Copy !req
30. Sure, you can vote
for Shknadel—Copy !req
31. if you want there
should be a recession!Copy !req
32. Sure, you can go
to medical school—Copy !req
33. if you've given upCopy !req
34. on your dream
of being a comedian!Copy !req
35. That's why I love Earth—
you can do what you wantCopy !req
36. and no one makes you feel guilty
because no one cares.Copy !req
37. We're not
listening!Copy !req
38. That's what
I'm talking about.Copy !req
39. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
40. Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!Copy !req
41. Excuse me, coming through!Copy !req
42. Freedom Train
arriving on track one.Copy !req
43. Ow, you broke
my foot!Copy !req
44. Freedom!Copy !req
45. What's this next
float, Linda?Copy !req
46. Representing our
men, women and
children in uniformCopy !req
47. it's Earth's greatest space
hero, Zapp Brannigan.Copy !req
48. Happy Freedom Day, ladies.Copy !req
49. Come on, let loose
and show me something.Copy !req
50. Anything. Seriously,
I'd take an armpit.Copy !req
51. Oh, yeah.
Thank you, Linda.Copy !req
52. You're welcome!Copy !req
53. Okay, Morbo,
now it's your turn.Copy !req
54. If that is your
Freedom Day wish...Copy !req
55. Thank you, Secretary
of Transportation.Copy !req
56. My fellow Earthicans:Copy !req
57. We enjoy so much freedom,
it's almost sickening.Copy !req
58. We're free to choose which handCopy !req
59. our sex-monitoring chip
is implanted in.Copy !req
60. And if we don't want
to pay our taxesCopy !req
61. why, we're free to spend a
weekend with the Pain Monster.Copy !req
62. See you April 15, folks!Copy !req
63. Cue the fireworks guy.Copy !req
64. Ooh...
Ah...Copy !req
65. Incidentally, tonight's
Freedom Day celebrationCopy !req
66. is brought to you by...Copy !req
67. Shankman's Rubbing Compound.Copy !req
68. When something needs rubbing,
think Shankman.Copy !req
69. Yeah, Shankman!Copy !req
70. It costs a little more,
but it's worth it.Copy !req
71. Our planet has been through
so much this past year—Copy !req
72. wars, droughts, impeachments—Copy !req
73. but we've never lost our sense
of what's truly important:Copy !req
74. the great taste
of Charleston Chew.Copy !req
75. And now, let us saluteCopy !req
76. that beloved symbol of freedom,
our flag...Copy !req
77. Ol' Freebie.Copy !req
78. I'm swelling
with patriotic mucus.Copy !req
79. In our darkest hourCopy !req
80. we can stand erect
with proud, upthrust bosoms...Copy !req
81. Anyone who laughs
is a Communist.Copy !req
82. knowing that,
with a shifty glance skywardCopy !req
83. we will see by
the rocket's red glareCopy !req
84. that our flag is still there.Copy !req
85. It's gone!Copy !req
86. Yes, fellow patriots,
I ate your flag!Copy !req
87. And I did it with pride.Copy !req
88. For to express oneself
by doing a thingCopy !req
89. is the very essence
of Freedom Day.Copy !req
90. Bless this planet
and all its wonderful people.Copy !req
91. Kill him!Copy !req
92. Kill the traitor!Copy !req
93. W-w-wooo, w-w-woo!Copy !req
94. Hey, it's the guy
who desecrated our flag!Copy !req
95. Stop that Red menace!Copy !req
96. W-w-wooo, w-w-woo!Copy !req
97. W-w-wooo, w-w-woo!Copy !req
98. Oh, I'm all scuttled out.Copy !req
99. What?Copy !req
100. My planet's embassy?Copy !req
101. They're paid to not kill me.Copy !req
102. I thought
I understood this world.Copy !req
103. I thought I was fitting in.Copy !req
104. But I guess I don't belong here
any more than I doCopy !req
105. on our crappy home planet.Copy !req
106. Ooh, sorry.Copy !req
107. What, sorry?
Our planet stinks.Copy !req
108. We all know it.Copy !req
109. Enough with the
persecution,
I'm saying.Copy !req
110. Zoidberg, as
AmbassadorCopy !req
111. I promise you
the full supportCopy !req
112. of our government,
already.Copy !req
113. Poor boy. You want
maybe a nice
mug cocoa?Copy !req
114. Ambassador Moivin,
you and your staff are so kind.Copy !req
115. I am truly humbled.Copy !req
116. What, no marshmallows?Copy !req
117. Let's storm the place!Copy !req
118. Without my prior knowledge.Copy !req
119. Coming through, Freedom Train,
step aside.Copy !req
120. You, too, Fatso— freedom!Copy !req
121. Cool your
jowls, Nixon.Copy !req
122. You may not like it that
Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag.Copy !req
123. You may even find the image
of it festering in his bowelsCopy !req
124. somehow offensiveCopy !req
125. but the right to
freedom of expressionCopy !req
126. is guaranteed by the
Earth Constitution.Copy !req
127. Maybe so.Copy !req
128. But I know a place where the
Constitution doesn't mean squat.Copy !req
129. The Supreme Court hereby accepts
the case of Earth v. Zoidberg.Copy !req
130. Sock it to 'em!Copy !req
131. ;
Two, four, six, eight,
eating the flag is bad.Copy !req
132. Now, your noose knot
has exactly seven twists.Copy !req
133. ♪ Don't mess with Earth!Copy !req
134. They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.Copy !req
135. Posers. I was hating Zoidberg
before it was cool.Copy !req
136. Where are we ever
going to findCopy !req
137. a lawyer to
take his case?Copy !req
138. I'll ask the head
of the ACLU—Copy !req
139. once he's
done singing.Copy !req
140. Kill Zoidberg!
Good night!Copy !req
141. Howdy there.Copy !req
142. I'm a lawyer,
and I'd likeCopy !req
143. to help your friend
out of this pickle.Copy !req
144. Who are you, old man?Copy !req
145. Name's Old Man WaterfallCopy !req
146. but most folks
just call me "Old Man."Copy !req
147. I'll never remember that.Copy !req
148. I'm a veteran
of three dozen wars.Copy !req
149. Name a body part and a planetCopy !req
150. and I've taken a bullet
in it, on itCopy !req
151. all to keep
our flag flyin' free.Copy !req
152. And y want to
defend Zoidberg?Copy !req
153. Are you familiar
with the old
robot sayingCopy !req
154. "Does not compute"?Copy !req
155. Son, to me, a robot's
just a garbage canCopy !req
156. with sparks
coming out of it.Copy !req
157. The sparks keep me warm.Copy !req
158. I don't condone
what Dr. Zoidberg didCopy !req
159. but I'll fight tooth and nail
for his freedom to do it.Copy !req
160. Or, I would, if I hadn't lost
my teeth and nailsCopy !req
161. on Mars and Saturn,
respectively.Copy !req
162. Wait, y-you're a lawyer?
You're hired!Copy !req
163. You okay there in the
Embassy, Zoidberg?Copy !req
164. No. There's no cocoa
marshmallows.Copy !req
165. And every night, the rats eat
a little more of my foot.Copy !req
166. Oyez, oyez, oyez.Copy !req
167. All rise for the Honorable Chief
Justice Myrtle FuCopy !req
168. and the Associate Justices.Copy !req
169. Counsel, you may address
the court on behalf of EarthCopy !req
170. if you're ready.Copy !req
171. I was hatched ready.Copy !req
172. Honorable Judgeheads, yonder
crawdad done et up our flag.Copy !req
173. I was doing freedom of speech:
Earth's most sacred right.Copy !req
174. Your Honor,
freedom of speechCopy !req
175. applies to what
comes out of a mouthCopy !req
176. not what goes in.Copy !req
177. Can Counsel cite precedent?Copy !req
178. Uh, yes, darlin', I can.Copy !req
179. In State of Alabama
vs. Giant Space IguanaCopy !req
180. chewing the corners
off the ConstitutionCopy !req
181. was deemed nonprotected speech.Copy !req
182. He shut you
up, O'Connor.Copy !req
183. Mr. WaterfallCopy !req
184. you may now present arguments
on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg.Copy !req
185. Oh, God, I'm nervous.Copy !req
186. Two of my three hearts
are having attacks.Copy !req
187. Court's kind of fun when it's
not my ass on the line.Copy !req
188. Nachos?Copy !req
189. Oh, Land O' Goshen.Copy !req
190. Your Honors, I'm not
some slick, big-city lawyerCopy !req
191. like my opponent here...Copy !req
192. but I am a veteran
who has fought for his planet.Copy !req
193. You see this hand of mine?Copy !req
194. Yes, I do.Copy !req
195. No, you don't, 'cause
I lost me real handCopy !req
196. planting the flag
when we took back Haley's Comet.Copy !req
197. Yet it was worth it—
so much do I love that flag.Copy !req
198. Aw...Copy !req
199. I love it even more
than I love my seven wives.Copy !req
200. That's right, I'm a polygamist.Copy !req
201. Yet I would gladly
eat a flag myself—Copy !req
202. had I not used my intestine
as a ropeCopy !req
203. to hoist a flag
made of my own skin—Copy !req
204. if it would protect the freedoms
of the proud peopleCopy !req
205. who salute that flag.Copy !req
206. Freedoms such as polygamy.Copy !req
207. I rest my case.Copy !req
208. Whoa, geez.Copy !req
209. The Justices and I
will now conferCopy !req
210. using high-speed telepathy.Copy !req
211. By a vote of six to three,
we find that flag-eatingCopy !req
212. is no protected
by the Constitution.Copy !req
213. Six to three?
I beat the spread.Copy !req
214. The court orders
an immediate public apology.Copy !req
215. Apology accepted.Copy !req
216. Just don't let it happen again.Copy !req
217. She means you,
you turkey of the sea.Copy !req
218. Me, apologize? Never!Copy !req
219. I came to this planet to learn
the meaning of freedom!Copy !req
220. But I say it's you
who should get a nice lesson!Copy !req
221. So, do your worst, because
no punishment could be biggerCopy !req
222. than denying me my freedom!Copy !req
223. You are hereby sentenced
to death.Copy !req
224. Wait, let me finish!Copy !req
225. Also, in a rare
double-whammy decisionCopy !req
226. the court finds polygamy
constitutional.Copy !req
227. I can't wait to tell my husband.Copy !req
228. Remember, menCopy !req
229. take him alive, so there's
something left to kill.Copy !req
230. Stay back!Copy !req
231. This Embassy is sovereign mud
of the mud planet Decapod 10.Copy !req
232. Invading these mud premises
is an act of war!Copy !req
233. Yeah? Well, what are you going
to do about it, shrimpy?Copy !req
234. You want to see, Mr. Bigshot?Copy !req
235. Attack Earth!Copy !req
236. Yes, I know it's a shlep—
just do it!Copy !req
237. Haha! Now the rubber band's
on the other claw!Copy !req
238. Ready? Retreat!Copy !req
239. Shh!Copy !req
240. DR.
Deny my freedom, will you?Copy !req
241. Well, we'll do to youCopy !req
242. what we did to the Squash Men
of the Squash Planet—Copy !req
243. squish them!Copy !req
244. Charleston Chew?Copy !req
245. You bet.Copy !req
246. All right, KifCopy !req
247. let's show
these freaksCopy !req
248. what a bloated, runaway
military budget can do.Copy !req
249. Bring me the activation codes
for our global defense network.Copy !req
250. Aye, aye, sir.Copy !req
251. Commence lip
identification scan.Copy !req
252. Mmm, mmm, mm.Copy !req
253. No tongue.Copy !req
254. Mmm...Copy !req
255. We can't be too careful
with these codes.Copy !req
256. Rumor has it,
a double agentCopy !req
257. may be aboard
this very ship.Copy !req
258. I'm watching you.Copy !req
259. You, Ensign,
what's your name?Copy !req
260. Hugh Mann, sir.Copy !req
261. Hugh Mann.Copy !req
262. Now, that's a name
I can trust.Copy !req
263. Run down to the central
battle computerCopy !req
264. and enter these codes,
chop-chop.Copy !req
265. Uh, sir, there's something
about that Ensign...Copy !req
266. You're damn right there is.Copy !req
267. That strapping young lad's
gunning for your jobCopy !req
268. and he just might get it.Copy !req
269. The enemy approacheth.Copy !req
270. Lieutenant,
fire missile oneCopy !req
271. and recommend me
for another medal.Copy !req
272. Make it gaudy—
I'm going clubbing later.Copy !req
273. Ticktock.Copy !req
274. Sir, all planetary defenses
have been disabled.Copy !req
275. Perhaps the Decapodians
acquired our secret codes.Copy !req
276. Somehow.Copy !req
277. Well, Kif,
stand by to take the blame.Copy !req
278. Steady... steady...Copy !req
279. Now!Copy !req
280. Dr. ZoidbergCopy !req
281. how can you claim
to love freedomCopy !req
282. and then enslave all of Earth?Copy !req
283. Bah! Your planet
doesn't deserve freedomCopy !req
284. until it learns what it is
to not have freedom.Copy !req
285. It's a lesson, I say.Copy !req
286. Ow!Copy !req
287. What the hell is this dirt pile
we're building, anyhow?Copy !req
288. None of your
beeswax, slave.Copy !req
289. You'll find out
soon enough.Copy !req
290. Just focus on
globbing that mud.Copy !req
291. Glob!Copy !req
292. I'm not good
at being a slave.Copy !req
293. I'm thinking about
graduate school.Copy !req
294. You know,
to become a barber.Copy !req
295. This can't go on.Copy !req
296. Today is the day we fight back!Copy !req
297. It's already 10:00.Copy !req
298. Oh, you're right.Copy !req
299. Tomorrow is the dayCopy !req
300. we fight back.Copy !req
301. Yeah? Well, good luck, sister.Copy !req
302. All our modern technology
is useless.Copy !req
303. I know I am.Copy !req
304. Hey, wait.Copy !req
305. I'm having one
of those things.Copy !req
306. You know, a headache
with pictures.Copy !req
307. An idea?Copy !req
308. Back in my dayCopy !req
309. we didn't have your fancy
all-digital weaponsCopy !req
310. but we still managed
to kill each other just fine.Copy !req
311. Ah, the crossbow.Copy !req
312. A pitiless,
elegant killing machine.Copy !req
313. The Bender of the 15th century.Copy !req
314. Not big enough.Copy !req
315. We need something that can
take out an entire army.Copy !req
316. Something you could commit
a war crime with...Copy !req
317. Ow.Copy !req
318. Earth's slaves, behold
the fruit of your labors:Copy !req
319. The Mobile Oppression Palace!Copy !req
320. Neat.Copy !req
321. I don't need to tell you that
occupation forces are expensive.Copy !req
322. But with the Mobile
Oppression PalaceCopy !req
323. a few dignitaries can
oppress your entire planetCopy !req
324. for pennies a day.Copy !req
325. Warships dismissed!Copy !req
326. Do your worstCopy !req
327. you sea devils!Copy !req
328. I'll make my stand
with Ol' Freebie!Copy !req
329. You can crush me,
but you can't crush my spirit!Copy !req
330. Ah! My spirit!Copy !req
331. Great-Grandpa, no!Copy !req
332. Another victim of
the manocentric male-ocracy.Copy !req
333. Ambassador Moivin,
you killed my lawyer.Copy !req
334. You're welcome.Copy !req
335. He defended my freedom
when no one else would.Copy !req
336. He was a good
and honorable man.Copy !req
337. I request
a satanic funeral.Copy !req
338. Is it possible that all this
slavery and oppressionCopy !req
339. is shmutzing up
our freedom lesson?Copy !req
340. Oh, take a pill,
Zoidberg.Copy !req
341. Begin again
with the crushing!Copy !req
342. You haven't won yet, Moivin.Copy !req
343. You didn't expect us
to even go to a museumCopy !req
344. much less steal this ancient
heat-seeking missile.Copy !req
345. I don't even know you.Copy !req
346. Oh, it's going
to make such a mess.Copy !req
347. This is your secret plan?Copy !req
348. Meh!Copy !req
349. Heat-seeking missiles
are uselessCopy !req
350. against
the Mobile Oppression Palace.Copy !req
351. All Decapodian technology
is cold-blooded, like us.Copy !req
352. All eyes on Zoidberg!Copy !req
353. Eww!Copy !req
354. Hey, I need that
to smoke!Copy !req
355. Zoidberg,
how could you?Copy !req
356. I used to think you were cool.Copy !req
357. Wait, people of Earth, listen.Copy !req
358. Yes, I'm desecrating a flagCopy !req
359. but to preserve the freedom
it represents.Copy !req
360. Zoidberg,
you set us free!Copy !req
361. I feel like I could
stand to hug you.Copy !req
362. I can't, but you know
what I'm trying to say.Copy !req
363. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!Copy !req
364. Ah, if only they appreciated
freedom this muchCopy !req
365. on my home planet.Copy !req
366. Wait a second— they do!Copy !req
367. Because this is my home planet.Copy !req
368. And now, to raise
this beautiful new flagCopy !req
369. a red lobster
that won't ruin your dinnerCopy !req
370. Dr. John Zoidberg!Copy !req
371. You're a nice man, Nixon.Copy !req
372. Dr. Zoidberg,
how's about you take a biteCopy !req
373. of the flag
for tomorrow's papers?Copy !req
374. Oh, I couldn't.Copy !req
375. No, no, go ahead.Copy !req
376. You've earned it.Copy !req
377. Well, maybe just a taste.Copy !req
378. Mmm...Copy !req
379. Now, that's a grand old flag!Copy !req
380. I wonder what
the Shroud of Turin tastes like.Copy !req
381. Freedom.Copy !req