Futurama 2x9

Directed by Gregg Vanzo • Brian Sheesley

When Dr. Zoidberg runs amok during the Decapodian mating season, Fry sets out to teach him how to woo a mate. Things backfire when Zoidberg's desired mate falls for Fry instead, and Zoidberg challenges Fry to a battle to the death.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE.

2. SEVERAL YEARS AGO, I TRIED TO LOG ON

3. TO A.O.L., AND IT JUST WENT THROUGH.

4. WHEE!

5. WE'RE ON-LINE.

6. GO AHEAD, GET INTO THESE NET SUITS.

7. I DESIGNED AND TESTED THEM MYSELF.

8. THEY SMELL LIKE BURNING RHESUS MONKEY.

9. REALLY? I GUESS WHEN YOU'RE AROUND IT ALL DAY

10. YOU STOP NOTICING.

11. OFF YOU GO.

12. BEHOLD!

13. THE INTERNET!

14. MY GOD.

15. IT'S FULL OF ADS.

16. WHOO!

17. FOLLOW ME.

18. IT'S IMMENSE.

19. IT'S GOT EVERY PIECE OF INFORMATION

20. ANYONE COULD EVER WANT.

21. SO I SEE.

22. WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

23. WOW!

24. HEY, THAT'S ME.

25. NO, IT ISN'T.

26. I JUST TOOK SOME PICTURES OF YOUR FACE

27. AND STUCK THEM ON SOMEONE ELSE'S BODY.

28. HEY...

29. ARE YOU OVER 18?

30. YES.

31. YES.

32. HI.

33. I'M TELLING YOU, FRY

34. THEY'VE GOT A CHAT ROOM FOR EVERYBODY.

35. AND HERE IT IS.

36. EWW. THAT IS SO GROSS.

37. YEAH.

38. I'LL STICK WITH THIS ONE, THANK YOU.

39. YEAH.

40. HI.

41. I'M A NAUGHTY NURSE

42. AND I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

43. $9.95 A MINUTE.

44. OH. YOU'RE A DOLLAR NAUGHTIER THAN MOST.

45. SO, HOW ABOUT THEM KNICKS?

46. HELLO? ARE THERE ANY GIRLS IN THIS ROOM AT ALL?

47. YEAH. BRING ON THE HOT CHICKS

48. 'CAUSE I'M A HOT STUD.

49. YEAH.

50. SO ARE WE.

51. I'M A WOMAN IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.

52. I DON'T LIKE TO PLAY GAMES, SO I'LL JUST SAY I'M A CYCLOPS.

53. I'M A SPACESHIP CAPTAIN; I'M THE ONLY ONE OF MY SPECIES,

54. AND I'M INTERESTED IN MEETING A MAN.

55. A WOMAN?

56. I'M SCARED.

57. WELL, THANKS TO THE INTERNET, I'M NOW BORED WITH SEX.

58. IS THERE A PLACE ON THE WEB THAT PANDERS TO MY LUST FOR VIOLENCE?

59. IS THE SPACE POPE REPTILIAN?

60. GET READY FOR FUN, FRY.

61. NOWADAYS WE HAVE A TYPE OF GAME PLAYED ENTIRELY ON VIDEO.

62. WE CALL IT A VIDEO GAME.

63. A VIDEO GAME, YOU SAY?

64. WELL, GOLLY GEE.

65. YOU MIGHTY SPACEMEN OF THE FUTURE

66. WILL HAVE TO SHOW ME HOW IT WORKS.

67. THE DOCTOR IS IN.

68. THE DOCTOR IS OUT.

69. EVERYONE, PLEASE SIGN OFF.

70. WE HAVE A DELIVERY.

71. PLUS I HAVE TO USE THE PHONE TO...

72. LEELA, PLEASE TELL THE OTHERS THAT...

73. WHOA.

74. WHO ARE YOU?

75. I SAW YOU IN THE CHAT ROOM

76. BUT YOU LEFT BEFORE I HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU.

77. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF SEARCHING FOR ANOTHER CYCLOPS.

78. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

79. I'VE DREAMED OF THIS MOMENT ALL MY LIFE.

80. DO YOU THINK PERHAPS, YOU AND I...

81. HA-HA!

82. FRY, YOU IDIOT.

83. EVER SINCE I WAS ABANDONED ON EARTH

84. I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR WHO MY PEOPLE ARE

85. AND WHERE THEY COME FROM.

86. THEN I FINALLY MEET ANOTHER CYCLOPS AND YOU BLAST HIM.

87. YOU WRECKED MY ONE CHANCE TO LEARN WHO I AM.

88. OH, LEELA, I FEEL TERRIBLE.

89. IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN EVER DO...

90. GOTCHA.

91. I WON!

92. I'M THE GREATEST!

93. COME ON. WE HAVE WORK TO DO.

94. ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME FOR WRECKING

95. YOUR ONCE-IN-A- LIFETIME CHANCE

96. TO LEARN THE MEANING OF YOUR EXISTENCE?

97. NO. I'M JUST HAPPY YOU WERE ABLE TO WIN A VIDEO GAME.

98. NOW LET'S CONCENTRATE ON GETTING THIS DESPERATELY NEEDED POPCORN

99. TO THE PEOPLE OF CINEPLEX FOURTEEN, OKAY?

100. Leela, you've got mail.

101. It's not spam.

102. HUH?

103. IT'S HIM.

104. To Leela.

105. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar.

106. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name

107. before I was dispatched by that oafish moron.

108. KICKED YOUR ASS.

109. Leela, we have much to discuss.

110. Please come join me on the planet of your birth.

111. Coordinates follow.

112. WELL, TOO BAD WE'VE GOT

113. TO MAKE THAT URGENT POPCORN DELIVERY.

114. IT'LL GET THERE.

115. AFTER A WHOLE LIFE OF SEARCHING

116. I MAY FINALLY HAVE FOUND WHERE I BELONG.

117. TOO BAD IT'S A DUMP.

118. LOOK AT THAT STATUE.

119. IT'S ONLY GOT ONE EYE.

120. LAZY SCULPTOR.

121. WELCOME HOME, LEELA.

122. ALCAZAR?

123. ARE YOU REAL

124. OR AM I SEEING SINGLE?

125. OW.

126. OF COURSE, I'M REAL.

127. AFTER ALL THIS TIME, SOMEBODY ELSE WITH ONE EYE

128. WHO ISN'T A CLUMSY CARPENTER OR A KID WITH A B.B. GUN.

129. IT'S ALL RIGHT, LEELA.

130. YOU'LL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN.

131. COME.

132. LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO YOURSELF.

133. DO YOU MIND IF YOUR SERVANTS WALK?

134. NOT AT ALL.

135. WE ARE THE LAST REMAINING CYCLOPES.

136. OUR PLANET IS CYCLOPIA.

137. THIS IS THE CAPITOL, CYCLOPS CITY.

138. STOP ME IF I'M GOING TOO FAST FOR YOU.

139. SO MUCH INFORMATION, AND YET, SOMEHOW

140. I FEEL AS IF I KNOW IT ALL ALREADY.

141. THIS SACRED MOSAIC DEPICTS OUR GODDESS OF BEAUTY.

142. HMM. YOU GOT ANY SACRED ARTWORK OF HER FROM THE BACK?

143. HER PERFECT EYE REMINDS ME OF YOURS, LEELA.

144. HAD OUR RACE SURVIVED

145. YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN A TEMPLE PRIESTESS

146. OR A SUPERMODEL.

147. OH, PLEASE. REALLY?

148. AND THERE'S THE INFAMOUS PIRATE PURPLE BEARD,

149. SCOURGE OF THE SIX SEAS.

150. WHAT'S OVER THAT HILL?

151. THE FORBIDDEN VALLEY—

152. A HOLY SANCTUARY WHERE NO ONE MAY TREAD.

153. IS THAT ANYTHING LIKE A CEMETERY?

154. 'CAUSE I GOT TO TAKE A LEAK. OW!

155. FRY, THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO OUR PEOPLE.

156. ISN'T IT?

157. OW.

158. THIS IS MY HOME.

159. I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK LESS OF ME

160. BECAUSE I LIVE IN A GIANT CASTLE.

161. OH, NO, NOT AT ALL.

162. IF ANYTHING, I'M MORE IMPRESSED.

163. OOH. I'M GOING TO NEED TO MAKE SOME ROOM.

164. AND HERE IS WHERE I DREAM MY LONELY DREAMS

165. AND COOK MY SIMPLE MEALS.

166. IT'S ALL SO SAD.

167. WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR PEOPLE?

168. THAT'S TOO PAINFUL TO SPEAK OF NOW.

169. COME. I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR QUARTERS.

170. OW. OW. OW.

171. I HEARD YOU FROM MY ROOM.

172. WHAT'S WRONG?

173. NOTHING.

174. IT'S JUST...

175. NO, LEELA.

176. I DON'T WANT TO SEE TEARS IN YOUR PERFECT EYE.

177. PLEASE. IS IT ABOUT THE FATE OF OUR PEOPLE?

178. BECAUSE I'M VERY INTERESTED IN THAT.

179. WELL, OKAY

180. BUT IT'S CHILLY

181. AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE ALL WET FROM THE TEARS.

182. LET'S GO INTO MY CHAMBER.

183. IT WASN'T LONG AGO

184. OUR PEOPLE WERE HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS

185. BUT THE EYELESS MOLE PEOPLE OF SUB-TERRA THREE

186. GREW JEALOUS OF OUR VISUAL PROWESS.

187. THEY FIRED MISSILES IN ALL DIRECTIONS

188. HOPING TO HIT CYCLOPIA.

189. UNFORTUNATELY, ONE OF THE 40 PLANETS HIT WAS OURS.

190. HOW FAR AWAY DO YOU THINK IT IS?

191. A TRILLION MILES?

192. THINGS GOT HOT.

193. YOU LOOK A LITTLE HOT, ACTUALLY.

194. YOU COULD TAKE OFF THAT JACKET.

195. OUR PEOPLE DON'T LIKE TO BE HOT.

196. ANYWAY, JUST BEFORE THE IMPACT

197. OUR SMARTEST SCIENTIST MANAGED TO SAVE ONE BABY.

198. ALCAZAR, I USED TO BE A BABY.

199. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ME.

200. FORTUNATELY, I WAS EMPLOYED AS A POOL CLEANER AT THE TIME

201. AND, WHEN I EMERGED FROM RETRIEVING A DEAD POSSUM

202. I FOUND I WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT.

203. IT'S SO TRAGIC.

204. YES, BUT THE REAL TRAGEDY

205. IS THAT OUR RACE ENDS WITH US.

206. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO.

207. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

208. YOU'RE A MALE.

209. AND I'M A FEMALE.

210. I'M STILL NOT FOLLOWING YOU.

211. WAKE UP, MY KING.

212. OH, GEEZ, WHAT A NIGHT.

213. MAKE ME SOME COFFEE, WOULD YA?

214. UH, SURE. OKAY.

215. WHAT DO YOU TAKE WITH THAT?

216. PANCAKES AND SAUSAGE.

217. KITCHEN'S IN THE BASEMENT; PANS ARE IN THE ATTIC.

218. MAYBE AFTER BREAKFAST

219. WE CAN TALK ABOUT REBUILDING OUR CIVILIZATION.

220. MMM. GREAT PANCAKES, LEELA.

221. YEAH, THEY'LL COME IN HANDY

222. IF I NEED TO COVER ANY TINY MANHOLES.

223. LISTEN, HON

224. WE DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE SLOBS

225. IN FRONT OF THE OTHER SPECIES, DO WE?

226. NO.

227. SO GET TO WORK ON THESE DISHES.

228. THEN ORGANIZE MY COLLECTION

229. OF NAKED CELEBRITY PHOTOS BY WHAT YOU CAN SEE.

230. LOOK, ALCAZAR...

231. CALL ME AL.

232. LOOK, AL

233. I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN LIVING ALONE A LONG TIME

234. AND I CAN SYMPATHIZE

235. BUT I'M NOT YOUR MAID.

236. YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

237. I GUESS THE RELATIONSHIP ISN'T GOING TO WORK OUT.

238. SO MUCH FOR THE CYCLOPS RACE.

239. I THOUGHT IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD RACE BUT...

240. OKAY, OKAY.

241. I'LL DO THE DISHES.

242. HEY, WHERE'D THEY GO?

243. AH. LEELA IS EXPERIENCING

244. THE GREATEST JOY A WOMAN CAN FEEL—

245. WORSHIPPING SOME LOWLIFE JERK.

246. HE MAY BE SOME LOWLIFE JERK

247. BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM.

248. I THINK HE'S HIDING SOMETHING

249. AND I'M GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS.

250. TRY AND STOP ME.

251. AL?

252. I DID MY HAIR THE WAY YOU WANTED IT.

253. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

254. FRIENDS.

255. HEY, WHERE'D YOU GET THIS COUCH

256. AND THAT TV SET AND ALL THIS STUFF?

257. THEY WERE GIVING IT AWAY ON THE STREET CORNER

258. JUST LIKE YOU, LEELA.

259. TOO BAD THEY WEREN'T GIVING AWAY

260. THE THREE THINGS YOU ACTUALLY NEED—

261. MOUTHWASH, A BACK WAX, AND STAIN-PROOF UNDERWEAR.

262. YOU GO, GIRL!

263. BY THE WAY, YOUR PAL FRY FELL INTO THE DUNGEON.

264. TAKE HIM A TACO SO HE DOESN'T DIE AND STINK UP THE PLACE.

265. COME ON, AL.

266. CAN'T YOU LET THE LITTLE GUY OUT?

267. GEEZ, LEELA, TWICE IN ONE DAY?

268. I'M NOT SUPERMAN.

269. WHY WERE YOU SNEAKING

270. INTO MY PEOPLE'S FORBIDDEN VALLEY?

271. 'CAUSE I THINK ALCAZAR'S HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU.

272. LISTEN, LEELA, YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT.

273. YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE IT. YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR IT.

274. BUT ALCAZAR'S A JERK. HE'S BAD FOR YOU. HE—

275. I KNOW.

276. YOU DO?

277. FRY, IF IT'S OBVIOUS TO YOU

278. WITH YOUR LEARNING DISABILITY

279. THEN, OF COURSE, IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME.

280. HE'S CRUDE AND GROSS, AND HE TREATS ME LIKE A SLAVE.

281. THEN DUMP HIS ONE-EYED ASS.

282. I CAN'T.

283. IF I LEAVE ALCAZAR

284. THAT'S THE END OF THE CYCLOPS RACE

285. AND I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN

286. EVEN IF IT MEANS A LIFETIME OF UNHAPPINESS.

287. LEELA, MOP UP IN AISLE NUMBER TWO.

288. I'LL BREAK UP WITH HIM AT DINNER.

289. I'LL BE THERE.

290. YO, LEELA, WHAT GIVES?

291. PIG SAYS YOUR SLOP TASTES LIKE CRAP.

292. YEAH, LIKE CRAP.

293. COME ON, LEELA.

294. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS GUY.

295. DUMP HIM ALREADY.

296. I'M TRYING.

297. HEY, EVERYONE, JAM A SOCK IN YOUR SPIT FAUCETS.

298. NOT LONG AGO, I SPENT MY LONELY NIGHTS

299. RENTING SLASHER FLICKS WITH RAT MAN

300. AND HIS GIRLFRIEND.

301. BUT THEN A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ARRIVED...

302. STOP EATING, PIG!

303. AND SHE BROUGHT NEW HOPE FOR ME

304. AND OUR ONCE-GREAT CIVILIZATION.

305. NOW, A MILLION CENTURIES OF CYCLOPS DESTINY

306. DEPEND ON THE ANSWER TO ONE QUESTION.

307. LEELA, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

308. NO. NO.

309. YES, I WILL!

310. OH!

311. THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED.

312. CONGRATULATIONS, LEELA.

313. GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

314. IT'S A MAGICAL DAY.

315. WELCOME!

316. PSST! LEELA!

317. YOU'VE GOT TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.

318. IT'S HORRIBLE— EATING SCRAPS

319. LETTING MY WASTE DROP WHEREVER IT FALLS

320. LIKE AN ANIMAL IN A ZOO.

321. ANIMALS GO IN THE CORNER.

322. THE CORNER.

323. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

324. LOOK, FRY, I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU

325. BUT IT'S MY WEDDING, AND I'M KIND OF BUSY.

326. HERE. TRY TO BE HAPPY FOR ME.

327. THAT WAY, AT LEAST ONE OF US WILL BE.

328. THAT'S IT.

329. IT'S TIME FOR THIS BIRD TO WALK.

330. OW!

331. BENDER!

332. COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO GET SOME DIRT ON ALCAZAR.

333. LET'S GO FIND OUT WHAT MAKES THE FORBIDDEN VALLEY SO FORBIDDEN.

334. EH, NO THANKS. I'M GOOD.

335. BUT THERE'S PROBABLY SOME COOL FORBIDDEN STUFF YOU CAN STEAL.

336. I DON'T KNOW, FRY.

337. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I FEEL LIKE...

338. I'VE STOLEN ENOUGH.

339. BENDER, SNAP OUT OF IT.

340. SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME.

341. LET'S GO!

342. THAT PIG OVER THERE IS WEARING THE SAME SANDALS AS ME.

343. COME ON, BOY, JUMP!

344. GOOD BOY.

345. WHOA, MITTENS.

346. MY GOD!

347. FOUR IDENTICAL CASTLES.

348. EACH MORE IDENTICAL THAN THE LAST.

349. THAT'S WEIRD.

350. IT'S ANOTHER CYCLOPS.

351. ONLY THIS ONE HAS FIVE EYES.

352. AND HERE'S ANOTHER ONE WITH NO EYES.

353. DOES ANYONE HAVE A REASON WHY THIS COUPLE

354. SHALL NOT BE JOINED

355. IN THE IRREVOCABLE SHACKLES OF HOLY BLISS?

356. SAVING A RACE OF ONE-EYED MONSTERS?

357. WHO COULD OBJECT TO THAT?

358. CUT TO THE CHASE, PREACH.

359. DO YOU, ALCAZAR, TAKE THIS WOMAN...

360. POORER, IN SICKNESS, TO LOVE, DEATH, PART?

361. YEAH, SURE, I DO. COME ON— FASTER!

362. DO YOU, LEELA, COPY AND PASTE HIS RESPONSE

363. TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?

364. I... D—

365. OH, MY GOD.

366. WHAT THE...?

367. HEY, ALCAZAR,

368. YOU LEFT SOMEBODY OFF THE GUEST LIST.

369. ALCAZAR!

370. WHY YOU ARE SO LATE

371. FOR OUR WEDDING?

372. AND WHY YOU HAVE ONLY ONE EYE?

373. IT'S...

374. OOH.

375. UH, HEY, SWEETIE.

376. JUST GO BACK TO THE CASTLE AND WAIT FOR ME.

377. SHE... SHE'S NUTS.

378. I CAN MORPH INTO A FIVE-EYED ALIEN

379. AND I KIND OF SAID I'D MARRY HER.

380. BUT I'M REALLY A CYCLOPS

381. AND I'M REALLY GOING TO MARRY YOU.

382. OH, YEAH? THEN WHAT ABOUT THIS?

383. UH...

384. UH... THIS IS A BIT AWKWARD.

385. WHO'S A-SHE?

386. WHO'S SHE?

387. WHO ARE THEY?

388. GO BACK TO THE CASTLE, SANDY.

389. AND MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO MEET HER

390. AND HER.

391. UH, EH, UH...

392. THIS, UM...

393. LEELA...

394. THIS MUST ALL BE VERY CONFUSING.

395. A LITTLE.

396. THAT'S WHY I'VE DECIDED TO HURT YOU

397. UNTIL YOU EXPLAIN IT.

398. SHOW US YOUR REAL FORM.

399. YEAH!

400. DO IT!

401. WELL, THIS IS THE REAL ME, BUT I CAN EXPLAIN.

402. WE ALL HAVE NEEDS.

403. MINE WAS TO MAKE IT WITH FIVE WEIRDOS

404. AND HAVE THEM SCRUB MY FIVE CASTLES.

405. I GAVE YOU ALL WHAT YOU WANTED

406. AND, OF COURSE, I MADE A FEW BUCKS LETTING PIG

407. WATCH THROUGH THE TWO-WAY MIRROR.

408. CAN ANY OF YOU SAY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE

409. THE EXACT SAME THING IN MY POSITION?

410. HE'S A SAINT.

411. BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE ALL FIVE WEDDINGS ON THE SAME DAY?

412. HEY, LADY, YOU GOT ANY IDEA WHAT IT COSTS

413. TO RENT A TUX THAT CHANGES SHAPE?

414. ALL RIGHT, ALCAZAR.

415. I JUST HAVE ONE LAST QUESTION FOR YOU.

416. WHAT'S THAT?

417. IF YOU COULD CHANGE FORM

418. WHY DIDN'T YOU CHANGE IT IN THE ONE PLACE THAT COUNTS?

419. THANKS FOR SAVING ME FROM THAT CREEP, FRY.

420. HEY, THAT'S WHAT I DO.

421. I GUESS I WAS SO DESPERATE TO FIND OUT WHO I REALLY WAS

422. I FORGOT WHO I REALLY WAS.

423. NO HARM DONE.

424. IN THE MANY DECADES YOU'LL WORK TO REPAY ME

425. FOR THAT SHIPMENT OF POPCORN YOU DESTROYED

426. YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO SEARCH FOR YOUR TRUE HOME.

427. YEAH.

428. I MEAN, HOW MANY PLANETS CAN THERE BE?