1. Good news, everyone.Copy !req
2. I've taught the toaster
to feel love.Copy !req
3. And Hermes returns
from his vacation today.Copy !req
4. Good morning, people.Copy !req
5. Hey, Hermes.
Good to see you.Copy !req
6. - Yo.
- My man.Copy !req
7. So, how was the Spleef Nebula?Copy !req
8. The flight had a stopover
on the brain slug planet.Copy !req
9. Hermes liked it so much...Copy !req
10. he decided to stay
of his own free will.Copy !req
11. Hermes has all the fun.Copy !req
12. Wait a second!Copy !req
13. He's got a brain slug
on his head.Copy !req
14. Shh. You're going
to get us all assimilated.Copy !req
15. Just act normal...Copy !req
16. and switch to a garlic shampoo.Copy !req
17. On to new business.
Today's mission...Copy !req
18. is for you all to go
to the brain slug planet.Copy !req
19. What are we going
to do there?Copy !req
20. Just walk around,
not wearing a helmet.Copy !req
21. Sounds great, Hermes!Copy !req
22. Oh, whatever you say.Copy !req
23. Wha... Hey, let's ditch him
and go to the movies.Copy !req
24. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea.Copy !req
25. I'm seeing a movie with friends.Copy !req
26. Uhhhhh.Copy !req
27. Cool! Let's see this one.Copy !req
28. Nah, I'm not in the mood...Copy !req
29. for a historical documentary.Copy !req
30. I've heard good things
about Quizblorg, Quizblorg.Copy !req
31. Guck!Copy !req
32. I hate subtitles.Copy !req
33. Alien films are so pretentious.Copy !req
34. Fellows, fellows...Copy !req
35. how about a film
we can all enjoy?Copy !req
36. Planet of the Clams.Copy !req
37. It's about an upside-down world...Copy !req
38. where lobster is slave to clam.Copy !req
39. Who invited you?Copy !req
40. Let's just see
All My Circuits: The Movie.Copy !req
41. Good point, Bender.Copy !req
42. I'll take a small Slurm.Copy !req
43. For only 25 cents less,
you can get a super-small.Copy !req
44. Uh, okay.Copy !req
45. Oh, man!Copy !req
46. Hey, give me a large
diet malt liquor...Copy !req
47. and a popcorn
with extra motor oil.Copy !req
48. Down in front!Copy !req
49. Ooh, this is real futuristic.Copy !req
50. Shh. Don't talk
during the movie.Copy !req
51. New New York Mayor
C. Randall Poopenmeyer...Copy !req
52. opens a new tube line
to alleviate rush hour traffic.Copy !req
53. Paramecium Homeworld.Copy !req
54. Newly crowned Miss Universe,
Gladys Lennox...Copy !req
55. entertains troops fighting
to wipe out the human race.Copy !req
56. Go get 'em, boys!Copy !req
57. And in the world
of ultimate robot fighting...Copy !req
58. The Masked Unit
wins his championship bout...Copy !req
59. against Gorgeous Gonks
by technical melting.Copy !req
60. Go, Masked Unit!Copy !req
61. Hey, buddy. Yo!Copy !req
62. You mind taking your head off?Copy !req
63. I'm sorry, sir...Copy !req
64. but I need it
to watch the movie.Copy !req
65. Just ask flabby over here
to describe it to you later.Copy !req
66. Sir, she is as the factory made her.Copy !req
67. Well, they should have
stopped making her...Copy !req
68. about halfway through.Copy !req
69. Well, that finishes this paperwork.Copy !req
70. Calculon Enterprises.Copy !req
71. Calculon, a fight scene
has broken out...Copy !req
72. at the special effects warehouse.Copy !req
73. Come quickly...Copy !req
74. before a fiery explosion
chases someone down a hallway.Copy !req
75. I have no choice but to...Copy !req
76. If you want Calculon...Copy !req
77. to race to the lasergun battle...Copy !req
78. in his Hover Ferrari, press one.Copy !req
79. If you want Calculon...Copy !req
80. to double-check his paperwork,
press two.Copy !req
81. Enter now.Copy !req
82. - You have pressed two.
- No, I didn't.Copy !req
83. I'm almost positive you did.Copy !req
84. Add in the carryover from form 16-A,
then deduct line 2-B.Copy !req
85. Pardon me, sir...Copy !req
86. but you seem to be
inadvertently kicking my seat.Copy !req
87. Pardon me, sir...Copy !req
88. Yes, that's the gist of what I said.Copy !req
89. Would you mind?Copy !req
90. Sure thing, pal.Copy !req
91. Uh, sir...Copy !req
92. Who threw that?Copy !req
93. That's it!Copy !req
94. Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.Copy !req
95. Oh, I'm boned.Copy !req
96. Let's all go to the lobby.Copy !req
97. Oh... uh!Copy !req
98. I'm going to open
a file of whoop-ass on you!Copy !req
99. Bender, do you know
who that was?Copy !req
100. Cripes! The Masked Unit!Copy !req
101. You knocked him out cold.Copy !req
102. I'm impressed.Copy !req
103. Son, I'm the commissioner
of ultimate robot fighting.Copy !req
104. I'm a connoisseur of
jerks who pick fights...Copy !req
105. in movie theaters...Copy !req
106. and you're the biggest
I've ever seen.Copy !req
107. You should see me at funerals.Copy !req
108. Kid, I want you...Copy !req
109. in the Ultimate Robot Fighting League.Copy !req
110. Ultimate robot fighting?Copy !req
111. Sounds pleasant. I'll do it.Copy !req
112. My hero.Copy !req
113. Ah, they don't make movies
like this anymore.Copy !req
114. I'm going to be the greatest
ultimate robot fighter ever.Copy !req
115. Float like a float-bot...Copy !req
116. sting like an automatic
stinging machine.Copy !req
117. Bender, you can't be
an ultimate robot fighter.Copy !req
118. It's the most brutal form
of competition in the galaxy.Copy !req
119. It is?Copy !req
120. There are no rules.Copy !req
121. Two robots enter.
One robot leaves.Copy !req
122. Then, later,
the other robot leaves...Copy !req
123. after being declared the winner.Copy !req
124. That doesn't sound so bad.Copy !req
125. Oh, did I mention the crippling,
agonizing pain?Copy !req
126. I'm pretty sure I did.Copy !req
127. Oh, ah, yes, definitely.Copy !req
128. Crippling pain?Copy !req
129. That's not covered
by my insurance fraud.Copy !req
130. Count me out.Copy !req
131. No, you've got to do it.Copy !req
132. I don't care how suicidal it is.Copy !req
133. Hey, how come when I want...Copy !req
134. to do fun stuff that will kill me,
you're against it?Copy !req
135. This is more important than that...Copy !req
136. marble-eating contest, Fry.Copy !req
137. It's about pride.Copy !req
138. Let me tell you a story
from my childhood.Copy !req
139. Ah, again with the orphanarium.Copy !req
140. When I was growing up
at the orphanarium...Copy !req
141. I got picked on a lot.Copy !req
142. My only outlet
was Octouran kung fu.Copy !req
143. Yi-ah!Copy !req
144. Ye-ah!Copy !req
145. Yee!Copy !req
146. Excellent.Copy !req
147. Bill, Keith, you will go
to junior championships.Copy !req
148. Bill, congratulate Keith
when he regains consciousness.Copy !req
149. But Master Funog, I can beat
these dorks with one eye closed.Copy !req
150. Perhaps, but there is more
to winning...Copy !req
151. than beating your opponent.Copy !req
152. You lack the will of a warrior.Copy !req
153. What do you mean?
Watch this.Copy !req
154. Yah!Copy !req
155. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow!Copy !req
156. No girl has the will of a warrior.Copy !req
157. You have the will of a housewife...Copy !req
158. or at best, the schoolmarm.Copy !req
159. That's it.
I'll take you on right now.Copy !req
160. Very well, but you see,
I have the will of the warrior.Copy !req
161. Therefore, the battle is already over.Copy !req
162. The winner? Me. Ha, ha!Copy !req
163. Rematch? You lose again.Copy !req
164. Had enough? I thought so.Copy !req
165. I lost my chance to be a champion.Copy !req
166. I won't let you throw away yours.Copy !req
167. Leela is right.Copy !req
168. I don't want to end up
a loser like her.Copy !req
169. Count me back in.Copy !req
170. Let's see what you got.Copy !req
171. Touch your toes.Copy !req
172. Still... can't... reach.Copy !req
173. Hi-yah!Copy !req
174. Hi-yah!Copy !req
175. Let's commence
preparations for rumbling!Copy !req
176. Ladies and gentlemen
and Smizmars...Copy !req
177. welcome to tonight's main event.Copy !req
178. In this corner, from
Mom's Friendly Robot Factory...Copy !req
179. in America's heartland,
Mexico... Bender!Copy !req
180. And, in this corner,
from and made of parts unknown...Copy !req
181. The Clear-Cutter.Copy !req
182. Bender rules!Copy !req
183. I got you an official Bender hat.Copy !req
184. Wow! Thanks, Hermes.Copy !req
185. L... Hey, cut that out!Copy !req
186. You can't hit
what you can't see.Copy !req
187. Ow!Copy !req
188. Get up, Bender.Copy !req
189. You can't quit every time
you get an axe in the back.Copy !req
190. Or a drill through your face.Copy !req
191. Now, quit scratching
your axe hole and get out there.Copy !req
192. Ow-ow-ow!Copy !req
193. Huh?Copy !req
194. And the winner is...Copy !req
195. Bender!Copy !req
196. Nice work out there, kid.Copy !req
197. You know, I think
he might be dead.Copy !req
198. I took a life!Copy !req
199. Hi, boss. Yo, dude.Copy !req
200. Hey! He's not dead.
What's up with that?Copy !req
201. What, you didn't read
the pamphlet?Copy !req
202. Ultimate robot fighting's
a scam, kid. It's rigged.Copy !req
203. It's a secret, so keep it...Copy !req
204. under your head...Copy !req
205. but the most popular
robot always wins.Copy !req
206. You mean I'm not a great fighter?Copy !req
207. I just won 'cause I'm popular?Copy !req
208. Bingo.Copy !req
209. Woo-hoo! I'm popular!Copy !req
210. In fact, you're more than popular.Copy !req
211. You're pure lowest
common denominator.Copy !req
212. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.
Go, Bender.Copy !req
213. Presenting... Bender...Copy !req
214. the Offender.Copy !req
215. I'm just an ex-con trying to go
straight and get my kids back.Copy !req
216. I love you, Bender.Copy !req
217. Versus Billionaire-bot!Copy !req
218. Yay!Copy !req
219. Versus The Foreigner.Copy !req
220. I'm not from here.
I have my own customs.Copy !req
221. Look at my crazy passport.Copy !req
222. Versus The Chain Smoker.Copy !req
223. I love smoking,
and after I win the fight...Copy !req
224. I'm headed straight
to your favorite restaurant.Copy !req
225. Ow!Copy !req
226. You know, I'm also
an ultimate robot lover.Copy !req
227. Bender, you're three hours late.Copy !req
228. You can't give up
on your training now...Copy !req
229. after both of us worked so hard.Copy !req
230. What do you mean, "we"?Copy !req
231. I said "us."Copy !req
232. Hey, Bender the Offender
doesn't need you.Copy !req
233. Bender the Offender
doesn't need anybody.Copy !req
234. What about us, Mr. The Offender?Copy !req
235. Well, obviously, I need floozies.Copy !req
236. Let's roll.Copy !req
237. Howdy, chief.Copy !req
238. For my next bout,
what do you say I fight...Copy !req
239. these two bimbos in some mud?Copy !req
240. Actually, we've decided to go
in a different direction.Copy !req
241. What if I told you...Copy !req
242. we wouldn't be fighting
in the conventional sense?Copy !req
243. Bender, your popularity is slipping.Copy !req
244. Sales of your Bender-brand...Copy !req
245. French-milled bath soaps
are down 20%.Copy !req
246. Those morons.Copy !req
247. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.Copy !req
248. If you can't move sandalwood...Copy !req
249. you don't belong in this league!Copy !req
250. That's why you're going
to lose next week's title match.Copy !req
251. But the crowd loves me.Copy !req
252. Perhaps, but let's see
how they feel...Copy !req
253. about your new persona...
The Gender Bender.Copy !req
254. You'll be the most
unpopular robot fighter...Copy !req
255. since Sergeant Feces Processor.Copy !req
256. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
257. Well, what if I don't
let the new guy win?Copy !req
258. Then, he'll just have to beat you...Copy !req
259. the old-fashioned way... to death!Copy !req
260. Melissa, send in the new kid.Copy !req
261. I... am... Destructor!Copy !req
262. See you at the fight.Copy !req
263. So then I said,
"See you at the fight..."Copy !req
264. and that's the story.Copy !req
265. Man, I thought ultimate robot
fighting was real...Copy !req
266. like pro wrestling, but
it turns out it's fixed like boxing.Copy !req
267. It's one thing to win a fixed fight...Copy !req
268. there's dignity in that...Copy !req
269. but to lose, and in this atrocity...Copy !req
270. I can't do it.Copy !req
271. Leela, you've got to train me to win.Copy !req
272. No way! If you wouldn't take
my help when you didn't need it...Copy !req
273. why should I give it to you now
when you do need it?Copy !req
274. What the hell are you talking about?Copy !req
275. I don't know, but I'm not helping.Copy !req
276. You loved him
as Bender the Offender.Copy !req
277. Now, get ready to hate him
as he threatens your sexuality...Copy !req
278. in his new persona...
The Gender Bender.Copy !req
279. I'm a real toughie.Copy !req
280. Squaring off this Sunday,
versus... Destructor.Copy !req
281. I will destroy you!Copy !req
282. And stop calling me.Copy !req
283. I am Destructor's trainer,
Master Funog.Copy !req
284. My pupil will be victorious...Copy !req
285. for he has the will of a warrior.Copy !req
286. Not Funog!Copy !req
287. Bender, let's hit the gym.Copy !req
288. I'm going to teach you
to fight like a girl.Copy !req
289. I'll put on my tutu.Copy !req
290. Hello and welcome...Copy !req
291. to a remarkable championship bout...Copy !req
292. Destructor, a robotic armored tank...Copy !req
293. whose very use in battle
has been ruled a war crime...Copy !req
294. versus Gender Bender,
who wears a pink tutu.Copy !req
295. This is Rich Little
imitating Howard Cosell...Copy !req
296. here at ringside with George Foreman.Copy !req
297. George, a word in edgewise.Copy !req
298. This could be the most
one-sided fight since 1973...Copy !req
299. when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall,
mechanicalJoe Frazier.Copy !req
300. M-My memory's
not what it used to be...Copy !req
301. but I think the entire Earth
was destroyed.Copy !req
302. Interesting, if true.Copy !req
303. The Vegas odds tonight stand
at an unprecedented 1,000:0.Copy !req
304. A bet of zero dollars on Bender
pays $1,000 if he wins.Copy !req
305. Still, very few takers.Copy !req
306. It's not-not a smart bet.Copy !req
307. According to the script...Copy !req
308. you're supposed to prance out...Copy !req
309. and tickle him with your fairy wand.Copy !req
310. Instead, I want you to prance out...Copy !req
311. and kick his head off.Copy !req
312. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle.Copy !req
313. Thank God,
I'm free of that nightmare!Copy !req
314. Sorry, buddy. Here you go.Copy !req
315. Thank you.Copy !req
316. It was cold on the floor.Copy !req
317. Here, Professor,
I got you a program.Copy !req
318. Oh, good.Copy !req
319. Just let me put on
my reading glasses.Copy !req
320. Why, Zoidberg...Copy !req
321. there's a lovely photo of you in here.Copy !req
322. In this corner,
the confused young robot...Copy !req
323. with the golden curls,
weighing 525 pounds...Copy !req
324. The Gender Bender!Copy !req
325. Boo!Copy !req
326. Get that hippie out of the ring!Copy !req
327. And in these two corners,
weighing 400 tons...Copy !req
328. the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach...Copy !req
329. Destructor!Copy !req
330. So, we meet again.Copy !req
331. Most amusing.Copy !req
332. Girl who acts like fighter...Copy !req
333. training fighter who acts like girl.Copy !req
334. Keep laughing, Funog.Copy !req
335. Ready, Bender?Copy !req
336. I was built ready.
Give me the bell.Copy !req
337. Did you hear a noise?Copy !req
338. Final boarding call for flight 406...Copy !req
339. nonstop service to pain.Copy !req
340. Now boarding stand-by passengers...Copy !req
341. This seems as good a time as any...Copy !req
342. to bring up my new grill
for no reason.Copy !req
343. With its patented design...Copy !req
344. the fat drains directly into my mouth.Copy !req
345. Mmm...Copy !req
346. mmm...Copy !req
347. Fry, throw in the towel.Copy !req
348. For God sakes, Fry!Copy !req
349. That's exactly
what I was thinking.Copy !req
350. Nooooo!Copy !req
351. Mommy.Copy !req
352. Okay, Funog, that's enough.Copy !req
353. Call him off.Copy !req
354. Funog?Copy !req
355. Hmm.Copy !req
356. Why won't anyone help me?Copy !req
357. So... once more, we meet again.Copy !req
358. Huh?Copy !req
359. You didn't train Destructor.Copy !req
360. You're just controlling him
like a puppet.Copy !req
361. I mean, cheating in a fake fight...Copy !req
362. That's low.Copy !req
363. Better than being a girl... like you.Copy !req
364. You're a girl.Copy !req
365. Oh, right.Copy !req
366. Girls lack the will of the warrior.Copy !req
367. Huh?Copy !req
368. It's Benderin' time.Copy !req
369. Take this...Copy !req
370. and this.Copy !req
371. You were an excellent student.Copy !req
372. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.Copy !req
373. Ow!Copy !req
374. I think you misunderstood
the concept of Bendering time.Copy !req
375. See you in girl hell.Copy !req
376. I'll be in boy hell... much nicer.Copy !req
377. Yes!Copy !req
378. Yes!Copy !req
379. Ow.Copy !req
380. And the winner is...Copy !req
381. Destructor!Copy !req
382. I've not seen a spectacle
of this nature...Copy !req
383. in all my years
impersonating a sportscaster.Copy !req
384. It sure was some fight.Copy !req
385. Interesting side note...Copy !req
386. As a head without a body,
I envy the dead.Copy !req
387. No argument here.Copy !req
388. Bender, how did the fight go?Copy !req
389. I heard somebody got flattened.Copy !req
390. Fry, where's your brain slug?Copy !req
391. Poor little guy starved to death.Copy !req
392. I'm proud of you, Bender.Copy !req
393. Sure, you lost...
you lost bad...Copy !req
394. but the important thing is...Copy !req
395. I beat up someone who hurt
my feelings in high school.Copy !req
396. I'm in tremendous pain here.Copy !req
397. Great job, kid.Copy !req
398. You lost, and you made it look
almost half-real.Copy !req
399. I want you to have this card...Copy !req
400. good for ten percent off
at Bed, Bath and Beyond.Copy !req
401. Yes...Copy !req
402. I'm the greatest...Copy !req
403. the greatest!Copy !req
404. And so ends the chronicle...Copy !req
405. of one of the greatest
ever to play the sport.Copy !req
406. An-and he didn't look
half-bad in a tutu.Copy !req
407. That he did surely not.Copy !req
408. What?Copy !req