1. Fourscore and 1,145 years ago...Copy !req
2. our forefathers' foreheads
conceived a new nation.Copy !req
3. And this Presidents' Day,
we honoreth those values...Copy !req
4. that my body fought and died for.Copy !req
5. Values like this
brand-new Plymouth V'ger.Copy !req
6. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie,
and I'm malfunctioning so badly...Copy !req
7. I'm practically
giving these cars away.Copy !req
8. Hey, let's go car shopping.Copy !req
9. My parents promised if I got all Bs,
they'd buy me a bar...Copy !req
10. and I got all Cs.Copy !req
11. Mind if I tag along?Copy !req
12. I've got to bring
my ass in for servicing.Copy !req
13. The recall notice says
it could burst...Copy !req
14. into flame in
a low-speed collision.Copy !req
15. No wonder you've been staying...Copy !req
16. at the back of conga lines lately.Copy !req
17. I'll get my coat.Copy !req
18. Let's go, Bender.Copy !req
19. Hello.Copy !req
20. I am Victor.Copy !req
21. And I know many things...Copy !req
22. about the art of unloading...Copy !req
23. fine cars on beautiful women.Copy !req
24. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's
witty and sophisticated.Copy !req
25. Uh-uh-uh.Copy !req
26. A gentlemen always sells
a lady a car first.Copy !req
27. This is the Beta Romeo.Copy !req
28. Yes, the Beta Romeo.Copy !req
29. Note the cross-your-heart seat belt...Copy !req
30. which protects,
lifts and separates.Copy !req
31. Spotted her the minute...Copy !req
32. you walked in, didn't you, sir?Copy !req
33. She's a real beauty.Copy !req
34. Yep, she's beautiful
coffee all right.Copy !req
35. No, the Ford Thundercougarfalconbird.Copy !req
36. Nothing makes you
feel more like a man...Copy !req
37. than a Thundercougarfalconbird.Copy !req
38. So how much were you
thinking of spending...Copy !req
39. on this Thundercougarfalconbird?Copy !req
40. Sorry. I'm not here to buy.Copy !req
41. I understand.Copy !req
42. It's wonderful you don't care...Copy !req
43. if anyone questions
your sexual orientation.Copy !req
44. I care plenty.Copy !req
45. I don't know how to make them stop.Copy !req
46. One word... Thundercougarfalconbird.Copy !req
47. The luxurious seats
are stuffed with eagle down.Copy !req
48. And the dashboard inlaid with
the beaks of a thousand eagles.Copy !req
49. Also, there are some eagles
under the floorboards.Copy !req
50. That's an awful lot of eagle.Copy !req
51. Yes, and yet...Copy !req
52. What's wrong?Copy !req
53. It is just that
the luxury edition...Copy !req
54. has so much more eagle.Copy !req
55. It saddens me to think of you
missing out.Copy !req
56. Oh, don't be sad.Copy !req
57. My parents are paying...Copy !req
58. and they're incredibly rich.Copy !req
59. I installed
shock-absorbing bumpers...Copy !req
60. to reduce the risk
of catastrophic butt failure.Copy !req
61. You, sir, have defaced
a national treasure.Copy !req
62. I demand you restore my buttocks...Copy !req
63. to their former glory!Copy !req
64. All right, but sooner or later
that ass is going to blow...Copy !req
65. and when it does, I just pray...Copy !req
66. you're not mooning
someone you care about.Copy !req
67. Smeesh, Leela.Copy !req
68. This car has everything...Copy !req
69. a beautiful woman like me needs.Copy !req
70. Victor said so.Copy !req
71. No dog food for Victor tonight.Copy !req
72. Okay.Copy !req
73. The sticker says $55,000.Copy !req
74. But we'll only go as high as...Copy !req
75. say...Copy !req
76. $60,000.Copy !req
77. Oh, I will have to ask my manager.Copy !req
78. Amy, you don't go up
from the sticker price.Copy !req
79. I thought it was an auction.Copy !req
80. He is not too happy.Copy !req
81. I'm sorry.Copy !req
82. $80,000?Copy !req
83. Uh-oh.Copy !req
84. I'm terrible at parallel parking.Copy !req
85. And now you're asking for a day off?Copy !req
86. Get out of my and my sight.Copy !req
87. You're bogarting my patience.Copy !req
88. Hermes, who were you yelling at?Copy !req
89. Meself.Copy !req
90. I asked meself
for Valentine's Day off...Copy !req
91. but I was in no mood
for any of my shenanigans.Copy !req
92. Valentine's Day is coming.Copy !req
93. Oh, crap.Copy !req
94. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.Copy !req
95. Well, since neither
of us has a date...Copy !req
96. why don't we...Copy !req
97. You just assume I can't get
a Valentine's date?Copy !req
98. Shall we say 8:00?Copy !req
99. Hey, I'm taking my new car out...Copy !req
100. for a spin to Mercury.Copy !req
101. Anybody want to come?Copy !req
102. Yeah, okay.
What's the weather like?Copy !req
103. The usual.Copy !req
104. Boiling lead, oceans of lava.Copy !req
105. So what? Shorts?Copy !req
106. Boy, this A/C is incredible.Copy !req
107. Ooh-ooh.Copy !req
108. I'd better turn on the heater, too.Copy !req
109. Boy, this heater is incredible.Copy !req
110. I'd better turn up
the A/C some more.Copy !req
111. Hey, how about some icy margaritas?Copy !req
112. Yeah.Copy !req
113. We're slowing down.Copy !req
114. Don't worry.Copy !req
115. I'll hit the fuel guzzler.Copy !req
116. Who wants Pop-Tarts?Copy !req
117. Ah.Copy !req
118. Uh-oh.Copy !req
119. It's okay.
I have an emergency phone.Copy !req
120. What are you doing?Copy !req
121. Spluh, it's a video-phone.Copy !req
122. Lucky I'm a member...Copy !req
123. of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico-Amerasian
Auto Association.Copy !req
124. Hello. Septuple-A?Copy !req
125. Whew.Copy !req
126. Oh, it'll be a couple hours.Copy !req
127. Oh, I'm going to get
sweat on my sweat suit.Copy !req
128. Hey, tell me something.Copy !req
129. You've got all this money.Copy !req
130. How come you always dress
like you're doing your laundry?Copy !req
131. I guess 'cause my parents keep...Copy !req
132. telling me to be more ladylike.Copy !req
133. As though.Copy !req
134. I've been there.Copy !req
135. My folks were always
on me to groom myself...Copy !req
136. and wear underpants.Copy !req
137. What am I, the pope?Copy !req
138. Yeah, and if you were the pope...Copy !req
139. they'd be all,
"Straighten your pope hat."Copy !req
140. And "Put on your good vestments."Copy !req
141. You know, Fry, it's nice to find...Copy !req
142. someone I can talk
to about stuff and junk.Copy !req
143. It's like we feel the same way
about junk and stuff...Copy !req
144. or whatever.Copy !req
145. Oh-ho!Copy !req
146. Oh.Copy !req
147. So while they're towing us...Copy !req
148. you want to do it?Copy !req
149. Yeah.Copy !req
150. Yo-ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
151. Which concludes the summary
of the movie I saw last night.Copy !req
152. Now, any old business?Copy !req
153. No.Copy !req
154. Any new business?Copy !req
155. No.Copy !req
156. Anyone spend the night together?Copy !req
157. - No.
- No.
- No.Copy !req
158. - Yep.
- Kind of.Copy !req
159. What?Copy !req
160. Oh, my God.Copy !req
161. We ran out of fuel on Mercury
and one thing led to another.Copy !req
162. And it led there again
when we got home.Copy !req
163. Congratulations, Fry.Copy !req
164. You snagged the perfect girlfriend.Copy !req
165. Amy's rich.Copy !req
166. She's probably got
other characteristics.Copy !req
167. Bender!Copy !req
168. Romance isn't about money.Copy !req
169. Oh, so it's just coincidence...Copy !req
170. that Zoidberg here
is desperately poor...Copy !req
171. and miserably lonely?Copy !req
172. Puh-lease.Copy !req
173. For your information,
it's because he's hideous.Copy !req
174. Mmm.Copy !req
175. Well, I think Fry and Amy
go together...Copy !req
176. like a lime and a coconut.Copy !req
177. Do I hear wedding bells?Copy !req
178. What?Copy !req
179. No!Copy !req
180. Really. Oh, dear.Copy !req
181. Oh, you're both very lucky.Copy !req
182. I'd pay anything to end
my miserable loneliness.Copy !req
183. If only I weren't
so desperately poor.Copy !req
184. Wait. You mean people...Copy !req
185. will pay good money for romance?Copy !req
186. I think I have a scheme
so deviously clever that l...Copy !req
187. $500 and time served.Copy !req
188. Stupid anti-pimping laws.Copy !req
189. Well, pay the man.Copy !req
190. Bender, honey, we love you.Copy !req
191. Sure, baby, I know it.Copy !req
192. Ah, computer dating...
It's like pimping...Copy !req
193. but you rarely have to use
the phrase "upside your head."Copy !req
194. Bender, this is stupid.Copy !req
195. Why would anyone come to you
for romantic help?Copy !req
196. Hey! Don't make me
go upside your head.Copy !req
197. Fry! Amy!Copy !req
198. Put your pants back on.Copy !req
199. I need a stapler!Copy !req
200. Stop. Stop.Copy !req
201. If you interrupt the mating dance...Copy !req
202. the male will become enraged...Copy !req
203. and maul us with
his fearsome gonad.Copy !req
204. It's working.Copy !req
205. They think we're making out.Copy !req
206. Wait.Copy !req
207. Why aren't we making out?Copy !req
208. I don't know.Copy !req
209. Okay, Mr...Copy !req
210. Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan.Copy !req
211. Just check off the things...Copy !req
212. you're looking for
in a love partner.Copy !req
213. Let's see.Copy !req
214. Oh, yes.Copy !req
215. Yes, definitely.Copy !req
216. Mmm, I'd like some of that.Copy !req
217. Mmm.Copy !req
218. I'll just have
everything on the menu.Copy !req
219. Now, to run it...Copy !req
220. through our high-speed
romance-alogical datafier.Copy !req
221. Beep-bee-de-beep-beep.Copy !req
222. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep.Copy !req
223. Beep.Copy !req
224. Say hello to Miss Right.Copy !req
225. Hello.Copy !req
226. Mmm.Copy !req
227. Wow.Copy !req
228. We're great kissers.Copy !req
229. Yeah.Copy !req
230. Hey, later, you want
to drive out to Europa?Copy !req
231. We could have a picnic...Copy !req
232. and spit watermelon seeds
atJupiter.Copy !req
233. Hey, yeah.Copy !req
234. I used to spit at stuff
back in the 20th century.Copy !req
235. Ah, it's cool how we
sort of think exactly alike...Copy !req
236. and junk.Copy !req
237. Yeah.Copy !req
238. You know, Fry, I really
like hanging out with you.Copy !req
239. Everything was going great.Copy !req
240. Then all of a sudden,
she's talking about hanging out.Copy !req
241. Hanging out?Copy !req
242. She's getting way too serious.Copy !req
243. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela.Copy !req
244. You'll be back to zero soon enough.Copy !req
245. Don't you get it?
She's smothering me.Copy !req
246. Hi.Copy !req
247. You see? You see?Copy !req
248. Now she's bothering me
when I'm at work.Copy !req
249. Fry...Copy !req
250. I'm doing my job... There's Amy.Copy !req
251. I spend a few hours selecting
a candy from the machine...Copy !req
252. There's Amy.Copy !req
253. I wake up the morning
after sleeping with Amy...Copy !req
254. There's Amy.Copy !req
255. I think you're overreacting.Copy !req
256. Am I?Copy !req
257. Am I?Copy !req
258. Face it. I'm a prize catch.Copy !req
259. I mean, I'm pulling down
delivery-boy money.Copy !req
260. Fry, she's pulling down
billionaire trust-fund money.Copy !req
261. Then she wants me
as a trophy husband.Copy !req
262. Leela, you gotta come
to Europa with us.Copy !req
263. I can't be alone with her.Copy !req
264. So, ready for a secluded picnic...Copy !req
265. with just you and me?Copy !req
266. Hey, you know who loves...Copy !req
267. secluded picnics
with just you and me?Copy !req
268. Uh...Copy !req
269. Dr. Zoidberg.Copy !req
270. Did someone say something
about a free hot meal?Copy !req
271. Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday.Copy !req
272. Bird eggs... animal slices...Copy !req
273. dry woven reeds.Copy !req
274. All gone.Copy !req
275. Can I drive?Copy !req
276. No.Copy !req
277. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow?Copy !req
278. I got two tickets
to the big ape fight.Copy !req
279. Geez, we're already planning to
spend Valentine's Day together.Copy !req
280. Isn't that enough?Copy !req
281. Okay. Sure.Copy !req
282. What do you want to do
for Valentine's Day?Copy !req
283. Oh, so all of a sudden...Copy !req
284. we're spending
Valentine's Day together?Copy !req
285. You just said...Copy !req
286. That's it, Amy.Copy !req
287. We have to talk.Copy !req
288. Zoidberg, you drive.Copy !req
289. Wa-hoo.Copy !req
290. Pardon me. Excuse me.Copy !req
291. Ah, I'll just turn the wheel
to maximum fastness.Copy !req
292. Amy, you know how, at first,
you like chocolate...Copy !req
293. but then you start
to get tired of it...Copy !req
294. 'cause it always wants
to hang out with you?Copy !req
295. Huh? You don't like chocolate?Copy !req
296. Look, could chocolate
just let me finish?Copy !req
297. Vroom, vroom.Copy !req
298. And the winner of the big car race
is Hot Rod Zoidberg!Copy !req
299. Ahh.Copy !req
300. Amy, what I'm trying to say is...Copy !req
301. I think maybe you and I
should stop...Copy !req
302. Oh-oh.Copy !req
303. Here, you drive.Copy !req
304. Fry, are you all right?Copy !req
305. Oh, my head is killing me.Copy !req
306. What happened?Copy !req
307. Was anybody hurt?Copy !req
308. No, no, no, no, no, of course not.Copy !req
309. Nobody but you.Copy !req
310. I'm afraid your body
was badly damaged in the crash.Copy !req
311. How badly?Copy !req
312. That's it over there.Copy !req
313. Don't worry.Copy !req
314. I managed to keep your head
alive with some quick surgery.Copy !req
315. Where is it?Copy !req
316. There.Copy !req
317. Looks like we'll be spending...Copy !req
318. a lot more time together, Fry.Copy !req
319. This sort of thing
always happens...Copy !req
320. with office romances.Copy !req
321. Don't worry, Fry.Copy !req
322. We'll have your body
all fixed up...Copy !req
323. in a few days.Copy !req
324. Oops-a-daisy.Copy !req
325. Well, Amy,
I'll try not to interfere...Copy !req
326. with your life too much.Copy !req
327. Fry!Copy !req
328. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
329. I guess I control that arm.Copy !req
330. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!Copy !req
331. So, what was it
you wanted to talk about...Copy !req
332. before we crashed, anyway?Copy !req
333. Oh, that.Copy !req
334. Maybe we'd better talk in private.Copy !req
335. I'll meet you in the closet.Copy !req
336. Amy, I really like you...Copy !req
337. as a friend...Copy !req
338. but I think we're spending...Copy !req
339. too much time together.Copy !req
340. You're breaking up with me?Copy !req
341. I just think...Copy !req
342. we should start
seeing other people.Copy !req
343. But I was really having fun.Copy !req
344. If that's how you feel...Copy !req
345. I'm sorry, but it is.Copy !req
346. Well, whatever.Copy !req
347. Hey, listen, as long as
we're not seeing each other...Copy !req
348. you mind if I ask someone else
out for Valentine's Day?Copy !req
349. Huh?Copy !req
350. I mean, unless it'd
make you feel bad...Copy !req
351. being a third wheel.Copy !req
352. Hey, I can get a date, too.Copy !req
353. Now that I'm single...Copy !req
354. I'll attract all sorts of women.Copy !req
355. With my body...Copy !req
356. I think you might only attract...Copy !req
357. one sort of woman.Copy !req
358. Oh!Copy !req
359. Oh.Copy !req
360. So... how's business?Copy !req
361. Are you familiar with my friend...Copy !req
362. Al Gore?Copy !req
363. I'm telling you...Copy !req
364. Iosers get really desperate
around Valentine's Day.Copy !req
365. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right.Copy !req
366. How much?Copy !req
367. - 500 bucks.
- Done.Copy !req
368. Zapp Brannigan okay?Copy !req
369. - No.
- 600.Copy !req
370. Oh, hey, Leela...Copy !req
371. um, can I talk to you
for a minute...Copy !req
372. in private?Copy !req
373. Oh, no problem.Copy !req
374. This is an emergency.Copy !req
375. Amy made Valentine's plans
with some goon...Copy !req
376. and I'm going to be stuck there...Copy !req
377. Ionely and miserable.Copy !req
378. Will you be my date?Copy !req
379. Please?Copy !req
380. You're too late, Fry.Copy !req
381. I'm sharing Valentine's Day
with a very special man.Copy !req
382. He's not Zapp Brannigan
or anything.Copy !req
383. Then I have no choice
but to do something...Copy !req
384. so pitiful and embarrassing...Copy !req
385. that I'm ashamed
to tell you about it.Copy !req
386. - Bender's in his office.
- Thanks.Copy !req
387. I got your hookup, Fry.Copy !req
388. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks,
but seeing as how it's you...Copy !req
389. I'll need it in advance.Copy !req
390. Okay, Fry.Copy !req
391. We're done putting on the bra.Copy !req
392. Why exactly did you
shave your legs, anyway?Copy !req
393. Are you expecting
something to happen...Copy !req
394. with your Valentine's date?Copy !req
395. What business is it of yours?Copy !req
396. You're using an awful lot
of makeup there.Copy !req
397. This is deodorant.Copy !req
398. What does it do?Copy !req
399. Come on in, Gary.Copy !req
400. I'll just be another 20 minutes.Copy !req
401. I'll be waiting.Copy !req
402. 20 minutes?Copy !req
403. You're practically ready now.Copy !req
404. Yeah, but it's good
to make them wait a little.Copy !req
405. Oh, God, it's true!Copy !req
406. That dress looks great on you.Copy !req
407. - Thanks.
- Thanks.Copy !req
408. Where is she?Copy !req
409. I must say, Amy,
you're all made up.Copy !req
410. Just like Fry's date.Copy !req
411. Get it?Copy !req
412. Uh-uh.Copy !req
413. I've got a date.Copy !req
414. She'll be along any minute.Copy !req
415. Fry! Look who I found.Copy !req
416. It's Petunia, your dream girl.Copy !req
417. How's them eats?Copy !req
418. Uh...Copy !req
419. Don't mind if I do.Copy !req
420. Kids'll be hungry.Copy !req
421. She seems a little old for me.Copy !req
422. She is well-traveled...Copy !req
423. and I don't mean she travels a lot.Copy !req
424. Wheels fell off my house.Copy !req
425. Now, how about a rose for the lady?Copy !req
426. Five bucks a pop.Copy !req
427. I'll take one.Copy !req
428. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too.Copy !req
429. Eight bucks.Copy !req
430. You just said...Copy !req
431. Demand suddenly skyrocketed.Copy !req
432. You all saw it!Copy !req
433. Leela, meet your
future husband, Sal.Copy !req
434. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball.Copy !req
435. Nice ass, ass.Copy !req
436. Ooh, sparks.Copy !req
437. Buy her a rose.Copy !req
438. I guarantee she'll put out.Copy !req
439. Ah, I'll take my chances.Copy !req
440. Cheers.Copy !req
441. Cheers.Copy !req
442. So, tell me about your prospects.Copy !req
443. You a good gambler?Copy !req
444. Well, ma'am, l...Copy !req
445. What's your game?Copy !req
446. Bingo? Keno?Copy !req
447. Wait a minute.Copy !req
448. You don't have your own body.Copy !req
449. No, but I control this arm.Copy !req
450. Slots player, huh?Copy !req
451. Sorry, but I think I can do better.Copy !req
452. Wait! Come back, uh, darling.Copy !req
453. Can't, hon.Copy !req
454. I got to catch my bus
back to Nutley.Copy !req
455. I'd kiss you good night...Copy !req
456. but I lost my teeth
pulling out a stump.Copy !req
457. So anyways, Leela...Copy !req
458. I'd love to take a whack at you...Copy !req
459. but that 10:15 to Nutley
ain't going nowheres...Copy !req
460. without yours truly
behind the wheel.Copy !req
461. Excuse me.Copy !req
462. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"?Copy !req
463. Why, yes, I did.Copy !req
464. Bender, did you just
round up our dates...Copy !req
465. at the bus station?Copy !req
466. Of course not.Copy !req
467. Anybody's else for Nutley?Copy !req
468. Baby, wait.Copy !req
469. You didn't show me your surprise.Copy !req
470. Oh, geez, get a room.Copy !req
471. Maybe later.Copy !req
472. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea.Copy !req
473. Let's all go out for ice cream.Copy !req
474. Actually, I thought Amy
might like...Copy !req
475. to come back to my place
for coffee.Copy !req
476. I don't really like coffee.Copy !req
477. Neither do I.Copy !req
478. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.Copy !req
479. Let me pick up the check.Copy !req
480. No!Copy !req
481. That's it!
I'm getting the hell out of here!Copy !req
482. Why, if it isn't
my favorite head...Copy !req
483. on Amy's body: Fry.Copy !req
484. Ah! Leela!Copy !req
485. We were just on our way out.Copy !req
486. Nonsense.Copy !req
487. The evening's young.Copy !req
488. So, Gary, what do you do
for a living?Copy !req
489. I'm a banking industry regulator.Copy !req
490. Really?Copy !req
491. You know, I heard that
banking industry regulations...Copy !req
492. are really very simple.Copy !req
493. Oh, no. That's not true.Copy !req
494. You see,
modern banking regulations...Copy !req
495. are a product of five different
regulatory traditions.Copy !req
496. Six if you want to get technical.Copy !req
497. Oh, I do.Copy !req
498. It all began in 1410,
when a number of noblemen...Copy !req
499. convened...Copy !req
500. Thank you.Copy !req
501. There you are.Copy !req
502. Good as new,
except for your dorsal fin.Copy !req
503. I'm afraid I couldn't find it...Copy !req
504. after the crash.Copy !req
505. Can I live without it?Copy !req
506. If you call that living.Copy !req
507. I still don't understand...Copy !req
508. why you wouldn't let me...Copy !req
509. graft a laser cannon
onto your chest...Copy !req
510. to crush those who disobey you.Copy !req
511. Oh, but I guess...Copy !req
512. we're just two different people.Copy !req
513. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy...Copy !req
514. and I hope there are
no hard feelings...Copy !req
515. about your date... or stuff.Copy !req
516. It's okay.Copy !req
517. I had fun,
and if I ever feel lonely...Copy !req
518. I can just look over
at this disfiguring scar...Copy !req
519. and think of you.Copy !req
520. Well, anyway,
it's nice to have my own body back.Copy !req
521. Ahh!Copy !req
522. Oh.Copy !req
523. So, how's the old corpse?Copy !req
524. Everything hooked up okay?Copy !req
525. Seems to be.Copy !req
526. My neck's just a little tender.Copy !req
527. Ow! Cool.Copy !req
528. Ow!Copy !req
529. Listen, Leela...Copy !req
530. thanks for rescuing me last night.Copy !req
531. Anytime. I actually enjoyed
hanging out with you.Copy !req
532. Yep. Everything worked out great...Copy !req
533. thanks to good old Bender.Copy !req
534. Come on.Copy !req
535. It's not like you intentionally
set us up with bad dates...Copy !req
536. so we'd spend
Valentine's Day together.Copy !req
537. Didn't I, Leela?Copy !req
538. Didn't I?Copy !req
539. No! You didn't!Copy !req
540. You just corralled a bunch
of stiffs at the bus station...Copy !req
541. and pocketed our money.Copy !req
542. True, but in the end...Copy !req
543. isn't that what Valentine's Day
is really all about?Copy !req
544. Yeah.Copy !req
545. I guess so.Copy !req
546. Watch the neck. Watch the neck!Copy !req
547. My ass!Copy !req
548. My beautiful...Copy !req