1. Futurama is brought
to you by...Copy !req
2. Arachno Spores, the fatal spore
with the funny name.Copy !req
3. Cop Department is real.Copy !req
4. The people you see are not actors.Copy !req
5. Most of them aren't even people.Copy !req
6. Come on, man.Copy !req
7. I didn't fire off no laser.Copy !req
8. Then why is there a smoking hole...Copy !req
9. in your ceiling, sir?Copy !req
10. What?Copy !req
11. Crazy upstairs lady
must have been shooting down.Copy !req
12. Sir, you're on the top floor
of this particular domicile.Copy !req
13. You get that camera
out of my house.Copy !req
14. Just relax, ma'am.Copy !req
15. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.Copy !req
16. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating.Copy !req
17. - That's it. Now put up your hands.
- Nice and slow.Copy !req
18. Aw, yeah.Copy !req
19. And while you're at it,
un-blur your face.Copy !req
20. Oh, man.Copy !req
21. Hey, Bender.Copy !req
22. I thought you said you
were in this episode.Copy !req
23. Nah, this week
I'm on Caught On Tape 3...Copy !req
24. 'cause of what I did
in the coffeepot.Copy !req
25. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
26. I'm just going through
some things.Copy !req
27. Ooh!Copy !req
28. I'm going in.Copy !req
29. Cop Department
will return after these messages.Copy !req
30. Is today's hectic lifestyle
making you tense and impatient?Copy !req
31. Shut up and get to the point!Copy !req
32. Then come relive the carefree
days of yore at Past-O-Rama...Copy !req
33. where old New York comes alive.Copy !req
34. It's like stepping back
into the year 2000.Copy !req
35. Time for
the mammoth hunt, dudes.Copy !req
36. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi.Copy !req
37. Dyn-o-mite!Copy !req
38. - Sounds like your kind of place,
Fry. Want to go?
- Nah.Copy !req
39. If I ever want to go back
to the year 2000...Copy !req
40. I'll just freeze myself again.Copy !req
41. Come on, Fry.
I really wanna see it.Copy !req
42. You know how I yearn
for a simpler time...Copy !req
43. a time of barn dances
and buggy rides...Copy !req
44. before life was cheapened by
heartless, high-tech machines.Copy !req
45. But, Bender, you are a...Copy !req
46. Cool. It's just like
the good old days.Copy !req
47. Give me your wallet
or I'll cut you!Copy !req
48. Leela, get a picture
of me being "mugged."Copy !req
49. I'll take the camera, too.Copy !req
50. Learning is fun.Copy !req
51. Ooh, ancient Wall Street.Copy !req
52. I direct your attention...Copy !req
53. to this ancient
and mysterious tablet...Copy !req
54. which has yet to be deciphered.Copy !req
55. Do you know what it means?Copy !req
56. Yeah, I asked a cop once.Copy !req
57. It means, "Up yours, kid."Copy !req
58. I got to say...Copy !req
59. I'm really enjoying the day out
with you people.Copy !req
60. Hey, hey! A suicide booth.Copy !req
61. So long, suckers.Copy !req
62. Uh, sorry, Bender.Copy !req
63. - That's just a phone booth.
- Oh.Copy !req
64. What were they used for?Copy !req
65. In New York? Bathrooms.Copy !req
66. Oh.Copy !req
67. L-I'll be out in a sec.Copy !req
68. "Tokens only."
How does this work?Copy !req
69. I'll show you.Copy !req
70. Oh, it's a turnstile.Copy !req
71. What's this?Copy !req
72. Another bathroom?Copy !req
73. No, it's a mobile apartment
with no rent.Copy !req
74. Come on, Fry. Get up.Copy !req
75. Ah.Copy !req
76. Wow.Copy !req
77. The burial chamber
of the 20th century's...Copy !req
78. greatest spiritual leader...Copy !req
79. Al Sharpton.Copy !req
80. Ooh.Copy !req
81. Now, this guy had taste.Copy !req
82. It says he was mummified
in ceremonial vestments.Copy !req
83. We sometimes called it
a jogging suit.Copy !req
84. The traffic jams
of old New York were a public forum...Copy !req
85. for the free interchange
of opinion.Copy !req
86. Move it, crap-for-brains!Copy !req
87. - Bug off!
- Get home, bastard man!Copy !req
88. It all started with
Gerald Ford's famous invention...Copy !req
89. the automo-car, which was powered
by a tank of burning fossils.Copy !req
90. Here we see
a 20th-century assembly line...Copy !req
91. where cars were constructed
by primitive robots.Copy !req
92. Ooh-gah, ooh-gah,
ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah!Copy !req
93. We've come a long way, baby.Copy !req
94. The fruit
of the robots' labor was this...Copy !req
95. the stately 1992 LaToura.Copy !req
96. Hey, my girlfriend
had one of those.Copy !req
97. Actually, it wasn't hers.
It was her dad's.Copy !req
98. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend.Copy !req
99. She just lived next door
and never closed her curtains.Copy !req
100. Fry, remember when I told you...Copy !req
101. about always ending your stories
a sentence earlier?Copy !req
102. Come on, let's sneak in
for a closer look.Copy !req
103. Sir, we don't touch
the antiques, sir.Copy !req
104. You don't... Uh, I'm sorry,
you work here.Copy !req
105. I should have realized from that
ridiculous getup you're wearing.Copy !req
106. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos...Copy !req
107. I mean, yeah,
l-I work here all right.Copy !req
108. Here. Move this rust bucket...Copy !req
109. out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.Copy !req
110. Did you drive much
in the 20th century, Fry?Copy !req
111. No. No one in New York drove.Copy !req
112. There was too much traffic.Copy !req
113. Nice. Listen to that baby purr.Copy !req
114. There's a baby in there, huh?Copy !req
115. It's just like riding
a bicycle... Ay-yi-yi!Copy !req
116. Oh, I think I got whiplash.Copy !req
117. You can't have whiplash.
You don't have a neck.Copy !req
118. I meant ass whiplash.Copy !req
119. I'm just glad we hit something.
I thought we'd never stop.Copy !req
120. I think I got whiplash.Copy !req
121. How's that robot I ran over?Copy !req
122. We did all we could.Copy !req
123. You mean he's...Copy !req
124. Good as new? Yes.Copy !req
125. Leela, Zoidberg, the rest
of you, this is Flexo.Copy !req
126. Sweet llamas of the Bahamas!Copy !req
127. Except for that stylish beard...Copy !req
128. he look just like Bender.Copy !req
129. No duh, dreadlock.Copy !req
130. We're both bending units.Copy !req
131. Hey, bro-bot, what's
your serial number?Copy !req
132. 3370318.Copy !req
133. No way. Mine's 2716057.Copy !req
134. I don't get it.Copy !req
135. - We're both expressible
as the sum of two cubes.
- Whoo!Copy !req
136. So, uh, Flexo...Copy !req
137. sorry about crushing
your body like that.Copy !req
138. You okay now?Copy !req
139. Well, I don't feel
as bad as you look.Copy !req
140. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid.Copy !req
141. You're all right.Copy !req
142. That's some face you got, though.Copy !req
143. I think they got a cream for that.Copy !req
144. - No, you're great.
- Well, just let me know...Copy !req
145. if there's anything I can do
to make it up to you.Copy !req
146. Actually, your little stunt
did a number on my back.Copy !req
147. - You mind rubbing it for me?
- Uh, sure.Copy !req
148. Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower.Copy !req
149. - How's that?
- Lower.Copy !req
150. Yeah, that's getting it.
Little lower, though.Copy !req
151. I can't get any lower than this.Copy !req
152. I'll say. You're rubbing my ass.Copy !req
153. Hey, uh, check it out here.Copy !req
154. Six beautiful devices.Copy !req
155. They know what you like
and they'll do it...Copy !req
156. to within a tolerance
of one micron.Copy !req
157. Spin those fans, baby!Copy !req
158. All right, mama!Copy !req
159. Spin it, baby.Copy !req
160. I don't like this place.Copy !req
161. It's 120 degrees
and there's very little oxygen.Copy !req
162. Shut up and hoot.Copy !req
163. Hubba, hubba. She is built...Copy !req
164. In Mexico, I believe.Copy !req
165. And that ain't silicon.Copy !req
166. It's tungsten, and plenty of it.Copy !req
167. Uh, yeah.
Look at that exhaust fan.Copy !req
168. Pervert.Copy !req
169. Yoo-hoo!Copy !req
170. Oh.Copy !req
171. Thanks, moderate spender.Copy !req
172. Please select erotic transaction.Copy !req
173. Yeah. How about a lap dance
for my pal here?Copy !req
174. Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-chong.Copy !req
175. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really.Copy !req
176. L... Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
177. I'm telling you.Copy !req
178. There's something
about Flexo I don't like.Copy !req
179. Hey, Fry, think fast.Copy !req
180. Get it? It's chlorine.Copy !req
181. It's funny because it's poisonous.Copy !req
182. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp,
but he's bad news.Copy !req
183. I regret ever running him over.Copy !req
184. Take a rage dump, mon.Copy !req
185. He's no worse than Bender.Copy !req
186. He's much worse.
He drinks and smokes...Copy !req
187. and he posts naked pictures
of me on the Internet.Copy !req
188. - That's Bender all right.
- I'm talking about Flexo.Copy !req
189. Oh, I get it. This is cute.Copy !req
190. You're jealous
of Bender's new friend.Copy !req
191. No, I'm not.Copy !req
192. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.Copy !req
193. He's the evil Bender.Copy !req
194. Rage dump.Copy !req
195. Good news, everyone.Copy !req
196. Report to my bedroom
for a private exhibition.Copy !req
197. Hmm.Copy !req
198. Everyone get in bed with me.Copy !req
199. I have something to show you.Copy !req
200. Feast your eyes on this!Copy !req
201. It's beautiful.Copy !req
202. - And huge.
- Can I touch it?Copy !req
203. So what is it already?Copy !req
204. It's a single atom
of jumbonium.Copy !req
205. An element so rare...Copy !req
206. the nucleus alone is worth
more than $50,000.Copy !req
207. - How much more?
- 100,000.Copy !req
208. That's why I hid it here,
under my mattress.Copy !req
209. Uh, Professor, can we
discuss this somewhere else?Copy !req
210. Why, certainly.Copy !req
211. The atom sits atop
this dime-store tiara...Copy !req
212. which will be awarded
to the winner...Copy !req
213. of this year's
Miss Universe Pageant...Copy !req
214. on the planet Tova Nine.Copy !req
215. Your job is to deliver it
safe and sound.Copy !req
216. Wow. When I was
a little girl on Mars...Copy !req
217. I dreamed of being Miss Universe.Copy !req
218. - That's kind of pathetic.
- Oh, come on, Leela.Copy !req
219. Deep down, all girls
want to be Miss Universe.Copy !req
220. - Not me.
- Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.Copy !req
221. Due to the atom's
tremendous value...Copy !req
222. Planet Express would go bankrupt
if it were stolen.Copy !req
223. Therefore, we'll need to hire on
additional security for the mission.Copy !req
224. Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here!Copy !req
225. Maybe we should stick with
people we know and trust.Copy !req
226. I mean, Flexo's great, but...Copy !req
227. Flexo's great, you say?Copy !req
228. Oh, well,
that's good enough for me.Copy !req
229. Welcome aboard, lad.Copy !req
230. Space banditos have been
operating in this quadrant...Copy !req
231. so you'll each take eight-hour shifts
guarding the safe.Copy !req
232. First Bender, then Flexo,
then Fry.Copy !req
233. Wait, hold on.
I don't like the sound of that.Copy !req
234. Let's just go alphabetically.Copy !req
235. Okay. First Bender,
then Flexo, then Fry.Copy !req
236. Wait, let's go by rank.Copy !req
237. Okay. First Bender,
then Flexo, then Fry.Copy !req
238. Flexo outranks me?Copy !req
239. That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."Copy !req
240. - Halt! Who goes there?
- Don't point that at me.Copy !req
241. Fry who?Copy !req
242. Look, I know Flexo's your friend...Copy !req
243. but I don't trust him alone
with the atom.Copy !req
244. My God, Fry.Copy !req
245. Just 'cause the guy's got
a beard, you label him as evil?Copy !req
246. Well, I got a label for you, pal...Copy !req
247. an ugly little word
called "prejudice."Copy !req
248. I'm not prejudiced.Copy !req
249. Aw, save it for the
cross burning, Adolf.Copy !req
250. - Keeping an eye on the safe?
- You know it.Copy !req
251. Well, looks like it's my shift.Copy !req
252. You lie down and go
off-line for a while.Copy !req
253. All right.Copy !req
254. Caught you!Copy !req
255. I saw you looking at the atom.Copy !req
256. So? I look at lots of atoms.Copy !req
257. Shouldn't you be resting up
for your shift?Copy !req
258. Oh, you'd like it if I went
to sleep, wouldn't you?Copy !req
259. Whatever it takes
to shut your yapper.Copy !req
260. No, I'm just kidding.
You're a joker.Copy !req
261. Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke...Copy !req
262. I'm going to sit right here
till it's my shift.Copy !req
263. - Suit yourself, skinbag.
- That I will.Copy !req
264. - Good.
- Good.Copy !req
265. - Good.
- Good.Copy !req
266. - Good.
- Good.Copy !req
267. Good.Copy !req
268. Well, that's eight hours.Copy !req
269. Yeah, eight hours
of solid boredom.Copy !req
270. Nah, I'm kidding.Copy !req
271. You're a wonderful man.Copy !req
272. Finally, the atom is safe.Copy !req
273. Huh?Copy !req
274. What is it?
My God!Copy !req
275. - Did you hear maracas?
- No.Copy !req
276. Then it wasn't space banditos.Copy !req
277. Bender, lock down the ship.Copy !req
278. Don't let Flexo escape.Copy !req
279. Aye, aye, Captain.Copy !req
280. It appears that Flexo
has outwitted us all...Copy !req
281. especially me... Bender.Copy !req
282. How could Flexo have
stolen the atom?Copy !req
283. He must have used
a sleep ray on me.Copy !req
284. Sleep rays exist
in the future, right?Copy !req
285. - No.
- Mmm. Then I must have fallen asleep.Copy !req
286. Well, you were sure right
about Flexo being evil.Copy !req
287. I locked down the exits, but he
may have already gotten away.Copy !req
288. Okay, thanks, Bender.
Let's fan out and look for him.Copy !req
289. Roger that. I got a map
of the ship right here.Copy !req
290. Keep an eye on Fry.Copy !req
291. We can't rule out the possibility
that he did it.Copy !req
292. Aha!Copy !req
293. Aha!Copy !req
294. Uh, searching. Hmm.Copy !req
295. Fry, why are you
looking for Flexo...Copy !req
296. in my underpants drawer?Copy !req
297. I didn't find him here
ten minutes ago...Copy !req
298. so I thought it was time
to check again.Copy !req
299. Ow!Copy !req
300. Well, he wasn't
in the, uh, kitchen room.Copy !req
301. Say, Bender, can I hold
that map for a second?Copy !req
302. And leave me high and dry
in case of a scavenger hunt?Copy !req
303. I think not.Copy !req
304. Give it up!Copy !req
305. All right! Take it. Sheesh.Copy !req
306. Well, looks like Flexo
got away clean.Copy !req
307. It's a darn shame.Copy !req
308. He must have jumped ship with
the atom the second we landed.Copy !req
309. Or maybe...
he never left at all!Copy !req
310. Wait a minute. You're Bender.Copy !req
311. Of course. Who said I wasn't?Copy !req
312. But why were you wearing
that scarf and the turtleneck...Copy !req
313. and this fruity number?Copy !req
314. It's a little thing called style.Copy !req
315. Look it up sometime.Copy !req
316. Our ninth finalist,
Miss Methane Planet...Copy !req
317. Halatina Smogmeyer.Copy !req
318. And our tenth
and final finalist...Copy !req
319. Miss Earth's Moon...
The Crushinator.Copy !req
320. Thank you, Bob Barker.Copy !req
321. I'm as happy as a girl can be.
End statement.Copy !req
322. Which one
of these lovely womanoids...Copy !req
323. will take home
the atomic tiara?Copy !req
324. Downplay the tiara.Copy !req
325. Uh, we'll find out...Copy !req
326. after these subliminal messages.Copy !req
327. So you lost the atom, huh?Copy !req
328. You're garbage, human garbage!Copy !req
329. Do you brain-dead
space jockeys have any idea...Copy !req
330. how much that thing is worth?Copy !req
331. - 100,000?
- 200,000?Copy !req
332. 200,001?Copy !req
333. You're closest without going over.Copy !req
334. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now.Copy !req
335. If you could just sign this form
saying you received the atom.Copy !req
336. I'm not signing squat.Copy !req
337. You find me that damn tiara
before the pageant ends.Copy !req
338. - But, Mr. Barker...
- Enough out of you!Copy !req
339. I may be against the fur industry...Copy !req
340. but that won't stop me
from skinning you alive...Copy !req
341. as long as no one wears the skin.Copy !req
342. Well, gentlemen,
it appears we're boned.Copy !req
343. - Hey!
- Flexo!Copy !req
344. Get him!Copy !req
345. Next up, in what is generously
called "the talent competition..."Copy !req
346. performing a traditional
gangster rap, Miss... What the...Copy !req
347. Got ya!Copy !req
348. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!Copy !req
349. Shoot him! He's choking me!Copy !req
350. No, shoot him!
He's choking me!Copy !req
351. I don't know which one to shoot.Copy !req
352. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.Copy !req
353. Women only room!Copy !req
354. All right, enough of this.Copy !req
355. There's the atom!Copy !req
356. Aw, geez.Copy !req
357. Bender? You stole the atom?Copy !req
358. Yeah, but I can explain.
It's very valuable.Copy !req
359. I saw him snatch it
while Fry was asleep.Copy !req
360. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.Copy !req
361. Whoa, whoa, wait a second.Copy !req
362. You mean Bender
is the evil Bender?Copy !req
363. I am shocked, shocked!Copy !req
364. Well, not that shocked.Copy !req
365. I'm sorry
we suspected you, Flexo.Copy !req
366. It's just,
what with the beard and all...Copy !req
367. Don't even bother.
You people sicken me.Copy !req
368. I put my life on the line to guard that
atom and this is how you repay me?Copy !req
369. Well, you can go rot
for all I care.Copy !req
370. Nah, I'm just kidding.
You guys are all right.Copy !req
371. I'm so confused.Copy !req
372. The Bender I liked
turned out to be evil...Copy !req
373. and the Bender
I hated was good.Copy !req
374. How can I live my life when I can't
tell good from evil?Copy !req
375. Ah, they're both fine choices...
whatever floats your boat.Copy !req
376. - Is this the guy?
- Huh? Oh, yeah.Copy !req
377. That looks like him, whatever.Copy !req
378. - Wait! But...
- Take him away.Copy !req
379. Okay, let's put an end
to this pathetic hoedown.Copy !req
380. Brannigan, read the thing.Copy !req
381. - And the winner is...Copy !req
382. It figures.Copy !req
383. Who else but Zapp Brannigan
would be judging...Copy !req
384. the most chauvinistic,
degrading, dehumanizing...Copy !req
385. "Leela"?Copy !req
386. Wait, you're making a...Copy !req
387. Oh, look at that.Copy !req
388. I feel like a princess!Copy !req
389. Wait, what are you people...
idiots?Copy !req
390. I'm still going mano a mano
with this envelope.Copy !req
391. And the winner is...Copy !req
392. Miss Vega Four.Copy !req
393. I almost had that tiara.Copy !req
394. Me, too.Copy !req
395. Well, you guys might both
be losers, but I just made out...Copy !req
396. with that radiator woman
from the radiator planet.Copy !req
397. Fry, that's a radiator.Copy !req
398. Oh.Copy !req
399. Is there a burn ward
within ten feet of here?Copy !req