1. Notify his survivors.Copy !req
2. Mail call!Copy !req
3. Amy, here's your
designer lingerie catalog.Copy !req
4. Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade.Copy !req
5. And, Leela,
Bulk Underpants Outlet.Copy !req
6. You buy one pound
of underwear...Copy !req
7. and you're on
their list forever.Copy !req
8. And for Bender... uh-oh...
a black-bordered envelope.Copy !req
9. Oh, no.
Someone you know must've died.Copy !req
10. I hope it was one of my enemies.Copy !req
11. Those guys suck.Copy !req
12. Oh, no!
My Uncle Vladimir.Copy !req
13. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender.Copy !req
14. When's the funeral?Copy !req
15. Tomorrow at the family castle.Copy !req
16. Followed by
the reading of his will.Copy !req
17. Well, I'm rich.Copy !req
18. Good-bye, losers
whom I've always hated.Copy !req
19. Come on. It'll be fun.Copy !req
20. Ah, pardon me,
my good simpleton...Copy !req
21. could you take us
to yon castle?Copy !req
22. - Castle?Copy !req
23. Some say unholy things
happen up there.Copy !req
24. For example,
all of us say that.Copy !req
25. Superstitious
robot mumbo jumbo.Copy !req
26. Mumbo, perhaps;
jumbo, perhaps not.Copy !req
27. With all your
modern science...Copy !req
28. are you any closer
to understanding...Copy !req
29. the mystery of how
a robot walks or talks?Copy !req
30. Yes, you idiot.Copy !req
31. The circuit diagram is...Copy !req
32. right here on the inside
of your case.Copy !req
33. I choose to believe...Copy !req
34. what I was programmed
to believe.Copy !req
35. I will go this far
and no further.Copy !req
36. And, so, we commend
Vladimir's remains to the earth.Copy !req
37. Filings to filings,
rust to rust.Copy !req
38. To my loyal butler...Copy !req
39. "You there," for
his decades of service...Copy !req
40. I leave a pittance...Copy !req
41. to be paid
in 20 equal installments...Copy !req
42. of 1/20th of a pittance each.Copy !req
43. To my lazy,
spoiled son Tandy...Copy !req
44. who never learned
the value of a dollar...Copy !req
45. I leave my entire
$10 million fortune.Copy !req
46. Is that a lot?Copy !req
47. And to my
loving nephew Bender...Copy !req
48. assuming he's not responsible
for my death...Copy !req
49. I leave my castle...Copy !req
50. Yes!
Let's stay there tonight.Copy !req
51. On condition that he spend
one night within its walls.Copy !req
52. Oh, man, there's always a catch!Copy !req
53. I get a good vibe
from this place...Copy !req
54. nice, long, dinner table...Copy !req
55. quiet, well-behaved spiders...Copy !req
56. graveyard adjacent.Copy !req
57. Yep, it's going to be...Copy !req
58. - What is it?Copy !req
59. That painting.Copy !req
60. The eyes are watching me.Copy !req
61. Hmm.Copy !req
62. It has motor eye sensors
attached to motion detectors.Copy !req
63. So does my butt...Copy !req
64. but I don't frame it
and put it on the wall.Copy !req
65. Although...Copy !req
66. What's that?Copy !req
67. I don't know,
but it's infectious.Copy !req
68. No doubt about it,
this place is haunted.Copy !req
69. Don't be silly, mon.Copy !req
70. The last ghost died
over 200 years ago.Copy !req
71. The last human ghost,
but robot ghosts...Copy !req
72. 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1.Copy !req
73. What does it mean?Copy !req
74. It's just gibberish.Copy !req
75. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?Copy !req
76. Uncle Vladimir!Copy !req
77. Come, Bender.Copy !req
78. You'll like being dead.Copy !req
79. That's what they said
about being alive.Copy !req
80. - Join us.
- Join us.Copy !req
81. Join us, Bender.Copy !req
82. Oh, oh, my God!Copy !req
83. Just as I suspected.Copy !req
84. These robots were buried
in improperly shielded coffins.Copy !req
85. Their programming leaked
into the castle's wiring...Copy !req
86. through this old abandoned modem...Copy !req
87. allowing them to project
themselves as holograms.Copy !req
88. Of course!Copy !req
89. It was so obvious.Copy !req
90. Yes, that sequence of words
I said made perfect sense.Copy !req
91. We really should tell Bender...Copy !req
92. there's nothing
to be afraid of.Copy !req
93. Huh?Copy !req
94. No!Copy !req
95. Honk! Honk!Copy !req
96. Bender, wake up.Copy !req
97. Oh.Copy !req
98. He's okay. Quick,
does anyone have any liquor?Copy !req
99. Bender, what happened?Copy !req
100. Somebody tried to run me over...Copy !req
101. and not with a normal hover car.Copy !req
102. It crept along the ground
on round rubber feet...Copy !req
103. like a wolf.Copy !req
104. Poor Bender,
you're seeing things.Copy !req
105. You've been drinking
too much, or too little.Copy !req
106. I forget how it
works with you.Copy !req
107. Anyway, you haven't drunk
exactly the right amount.Copy !req
108. Maybe he has.Copy !req
109. Look at these tracks.Copy !req
110. I think Bender may
be telling the truth.Copy !req
111. Bender, you look awful.Copy !req
112. I prescribe makeup.Copy !req
113. Here. It just so happens
I have my Mary Kay sample case.Copy !req
114. Ah, I just need sleep.Copy !req
115. I had nightmares all night
about cars running people over.Copy !req
116. Many people dream
of a fresh new look...Copy !req
117. and Mary Kay can make
those dreams come true.Copy !req
118. Look at this! They found
those same rubbery tracks...Copy !req
119. right here in New New York.Copy !req
120. There was a hit-and-run by
the Robot Porno Theater.Copy !req
121. Robot Porno Theater?Copy !req
122. I was in that...
general area last night.Copy !req
123. Whoever ran me down
out on the moors...Copy !req
124. must've followed me back here.Copy !req
125. Bender, mon, no one's
trying to run you over.Copy !req
126. Stop being a big
hallucinating baby.Copy !req
127. Yeah?Copy !req
128. Well, could a big...Copy !req
129. hallucinating
baby do this?Copy !req
130. I'm scared.Copy !req
131. I don't know
which I like more...Copy !req
132. smashing cars
or smashing faces.Copy !req
133. Well, lucky you don't
got to decide tonight.Copy !req
134. Now, come on, we got
church tomorrow.Copy !req
135. Did you hear something?Copy !req
136. Nah, it was probably
just a golden marmoset.Copy !req
137. That don't sound like...Copy !req
138. no golden marmoset
I ever heard.Copy !req
139. - Aah!
- Whoo!Copy !req
140. Made it.Copy !req
141. So, anyway, uh,
what are you wearing tomorrow?Copy !req
142. Honk, honk, honk!Copy !req
143. What the...Copy !req
144. Transmission fluid?Copy !req
145. Where have I been?Copy !req
146. What happened?Copy !req
147. Gets out of here,
youse lousy bum.Copy !req
148. Please, I'm scared.Copy !req
149. We're all scared.Copy !req
150. It's the human condition.Copy !req
151. Why do you thinks I put
on this tough-guy facade?Copy !req
152. Now, beat it!Copy !req
153. I passed out around midnight...Copy !req
154. which is much earlier
than usual...Copy !req
155. and when I woke up...Copy !req
156. I found these
in my chest cabinet.Copy !req
157. Aw, relax, buddy.Copy !req
158. You were probably just shooting
some big, fuzzy craps.Copy !req
159. No!Copy !req
160. I think
I may have hurt someone.Copy !req
161. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge
of a nervous meltdown.Copy !req
162. Geez, Bender,
you're scaring me.Copy !req
163. You're going wacko.Copy !req
164. You're right.Copy !req
165. I need professional help...Copy !req
166. and damn the expense.Copy !req
167. Damn the expense!Copy !req
168. My friend, you have
nothing to worry about...Copy !req
169. except a nightmarish life
of unremitting horror.Copy !req
170. Phew.Copy !req
171. For, you see,
you are a were-car.Copy !req
172. - A were-car?Copy !req
173. The car that ran you down
on the moors...Copy !req
174. was also a were-car.Copy !req
175. It beamed the virus to you
through its demonic headlights.Copy !req
176. That's crazy.Copy !req
177. Yes. So crazy
that it must be true.Copy !req
178. Each midnight,
when your clock resets to zero...Copy !req
179. your hardware reconfigures into
a murderous four-wheeled car.Copy !req
180. I can't keep
running people over.Copy !req
181. I'm not famous enough
to get away with it.Copy !req
182. Can't you help me?Copy !req
183. Yes, but you must be willing
to pay a terrible price.Copy !req
184. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
185. Follow me.Copy !req
186. According to this ancient
"read me" file...Copy !req
187. your only hope is to destroy
the original were-car.Copy !req
188. I'm with you.Copy !req
189. In its death throes...Copy !req
190. the dread car will beam out
the virus's uninstall program...Copy !req
191. thus, ridding you of the curse.Copy !req
192. And, otherwise, I can never die?Copy !req
193. Who said that?
Sure you can die.Copy !req
194. You want to die?Copy !req
195. No! I want to live.Copy !req
196. There's still too many things
I don't own.Copy !req
197. Then live on,
forever cursed.Copy !req
198. Each night, your attacks
will become more gruesome...Copy !req
199. until one dark night...Copy !req
200. you are doomed to kill
your dearest friend.Copy !req
201. I wouldn't want
to be me right now.Copy !req
202. Now, go! Go!Copy !req
203. Uh, could one of you just...Copy !req
204. aw, forget it.Copy !req
205. I'll just sleep here.Copy !req
206. There!Copy !req
207. No rampaging for
you tonight.Copy !req
208. Wouldn't it make more sense...Copy !req
209. to weld everyone except me
to the wall?Copy !req
210. Just relax, Bender.Copy !req
211. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down,
have a nice breakfast...Copy !req
212. and then go hunt down
and slaughter that ancient evil.Copy !req
213. It will be a
rich, full day.Copy !req
214. Well, good night.Copy !req
215. I'm going to go make my dinners
for the next month...Copy !req
216. and freeze them.Copy !req
217. Oh!Copy !req
218. Honk! Honk!Copy !req
219. Honk! Honk!Copy !req
220. Honk!Copy !req
221. Honk!Copy !req
222. Bender, no!Copy !req
223. Fry, stay back!Copy !req
224. You jerk!Copy !req
225. I thought I was
your best friend.Copy !req
226. What kind of two-timing
killmobile are you?Copy !req
227. Huh?Copy !req
228. I can't believe this.Copy !req
229. Bender's supposed to
murder his closest friend...Copy !req
230. which I thought was me, but
he went straight for you.Copy !req
231. He didn't even try
to second-degree murder me.Copy !req
232. Could you give
me some help?Copy !req
233. I think Bender
crushed my foot.Copy !req
234. Stop rubbing it in.Copy !req
235. Oh, God.Copy !req
236. Fry, I'm so glad to see you.Copy !req
237. I didn't hurt
you, did I?Copy !req
238. Not physically...Copy !req
239. but why don't you ask
your new best friend, Leela?Copy !req
240. I tried to run
you over?Copy !req
241. It was very sweet
of you, Bender.Copy !req
242. Fry, it doesn't
mean anything.Copy !req
243. I have love
enough for two.Copy !req
244. Words, nothing but
sweet, sweet words...Copy !req
245. that turn into bitter,
orange wax in my ears.Copy !req
246. Enough with the feelings,
you two.Copy !req
247. If we're going to cure Bender,
we've got to go...Copy !req
248. back to the castle and hunt down
the original were-car.Copy !req
249. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
250. - Cursed, got it.
- Whatever.Copy !req
251. - The tracks lead here.
- Thanks, eagle eye.Copy !req
252. Now it's daylight.
So, he should be in robot form...Copy !req
253. but be careful.Copy !req
254. Many robots are stupid
and violent.Copy !req
255. I wish I was stupid and violent.Copy !req
256. Then we'd see what's what.Copy !req
257. I'd pound him till l... oh!Copy !req
258. Get ye to your houses,
ye ignorant villagers.Copy !req
259. Hey!Copy !req
260. We are not
ignorant villagers.Copy !req
261. We're sophisticated
New New Yorkers.Copy !req
262. Whup his butt!Copy !req
263. Stop! What are ye doing?Copy !req
264. We're whaling on
the original were-car...Copy !req
265. which is you, you jerk.Copy !req
266. Ye think me be he?Copy !req
267. Sí!Copy !req
268. Nee. I mean, no.Copy !req
269. I was given the curse
many a year ago...Copy !req
270. while on a bird-watching trip
to the Arctic.Copy !req
271. I was attacked
by a vicious motorized sled.Copy !req
272. The natives called it...Copy !req
273. the Abominable Snowmobile.Copy !req
274. Yes, it's true.Copy !req
275. I ran over that bird-watching
jerk and a hundred others...Copy !req
276. even my best friend
from aromatherapy school.Copy !req
277. I once had a best friend...Copy !req
278. who liked to smell things
with me.Copy !req
279. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not
the original were-car.Copy !req
280. I received the curse...Copy !req
281. while taking a Learning Annex
class from a famous robot actor.Copy !req
282. You know him as...Copy !req
283. Calculon!Copy !req
284. Oh, fate most cruel!Copy !req
285. Would that my boundless acting
skills might avail me a sword...Copy !req
286. with which to slay
this wretched curse.Copy !req
287. Let's kick him
some more!Copy !req
288. No, wait, let me explain.Copy !req
289. It all began one fateful night
a thousand years ago.Copy !req
290. Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
291. You're 1,000
years old?Copy !req
292. Your bio says
you're 27.Copy !req
293. Lies! I change my identity
and upgrade my appearance...Copy !req
294. every few decades
to avoid suspicion.Copy !req
295. I was all of history's great
acting robots:Copy !req
296. Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat,
David Duchovny.Copy !req
297. Look, are you
the original were-car or not?Copy !req
298. No, but you are nearing the end
of your search...Copy !req
299. for, you see, I was attacked
by the original were-car.Copy !req
300. Give us a name, MacButt!Copy !req
301. The year was 2019...Copy !req
302. and I was just a lowly robot arm...Copy !req
303. working in
an automotive research lab.Copy !req
304. I was working on Project Satan...Copy !req
305. a savage,
intelligent military vehicle...Copy !req
306. built from the most evil parts...Copy !req
307. of the most evil cars
in all the world...Copy !req
308. the steering wheel
from Hitler's staff car...Copy !req
309. the left turn signal
from Charles Manson's VW...Copy !req
310. the windshield wipers...Copy !req
311. from that car
that played Knight Rider.Copy !req
312. Knight Rider wasn't evil.Copy !req
313. His windshield
wipers were.Copy !req
314. It didn't come up much
in the show, though.Copy !req
315. Anyway, only after bringing
Project Satan to life...Copy !req
316. did they discover they
had made a horrible mistake.Copy !req
317. For you see...Copy !req
318. it was pure evil.Copy !req
319. Honk! Honk!Copy !req
320. So what happened
to Project Satan?Copy !req
321. It's either in Paris,
or, much more likely...Copy !req
322. still in the abandoned
automotive lab.Copy !req
323. You guys distract
the were-car...Copy !req
324. and I'll kill it
by plugging its exhaust pipe...Copy !req
325. with this silver potato.Copy !req
326. Psst! There it is.Copy !req
327. It looks so unhappy.Copy !req
328. Excuse me, are you
Project Satan?Copy !req
329. Don't be afraid.Copy !req
330. We know what you are.Copy !req
331. You do?Copy !req
332. Would you like us to...
put you out of your misery?Copy !req
333. Misery, what misery?Copy !req
334. I love killing people...Copy !req
335. squishing them till their organs
squirt out like chunky mustard.Copy !req
336. Look, everyone loves
killing people...Copy !req
337. but I don't want
to hurt my friends.Copy !req
338. Humph!Copy !req
339. Ooh!Copy !req
340. Oh, no! It's midnight!Copy !req
341. Hey, this is starting
to feel pretty good.Copy !req
342. Fry, distract him!Copy !req
343. Hey, Project Satan,
over here!Copy !req
344. I'm a blind pedestrian!Copy !req
345. 20 points!Copy !req
346. Oh, no!Copy !req
347. There's no exhaust pipe.Copy !req
348. That's right, thanks to
Ed Begley, Jr.'s electric motor...Copy !req
349. the most evil propulsion system
ever conceived!Copy !req
350. Take whichever
one you want.Copy !req
351. Oh, boy, I feel like
a car in a candy store.Copy !req
352. Yes! He chose me.Copy !req
353. He's trying to kill me.Copy !req
354. Leela, I'm so happy.Copy !req
355. Oh, thanks, Bender.Copy !req
356. Hey, too tight, too tight!Copy !req
357. Whoa!Copy !req
358. Whoa!Copy !req
359. No! No! No! No!Copy !req
360. Uh-oh!Copy !req
361. Oh!Copy !req
362. Bender, you're cured!Copy !req
363. But what happened to Fry?Copy !req
364. I must have killed him.Copy !req
365. He was my best friend, and I killed him.Copy !req
366. Oh!Copy !req
367. I never felt so empty inside.Copy !req
368. Bender, I'm alive!Copy !req
369. You didn't hurt me at all...Copy !req
370. but I know you wanted to,
and that's what matters.Copy !req
371. Here's to you.Copy !req
372. Hey, that's my last beer,
you bastard!Copy !req
373. I'll kill you!Copy !req
374. I'll kill you, too, buddy.Copy !req
375. I'll kill you, too.Copy !req
376. Hey!Copy !req