1. Futurama is brought to you by:Copy !req
2. I hate the planet
of the Moochers.Copy !req
3. They take you out for a drink,
but when the check comes...Copy !req
4. their wallet's always
in their other pants...Copy !req
5. which they
borrowed from me.Copy !req
6. Dinner ready?Copy !req
7. Those lousy Moochers
cleaned out our pantry.Copy !req
8. All they left was
baking soda and capers...Copy !req
9. and here it is.Copy !req
10. Great.Copy !req
11. We're two days from Earth
with no food.Copy !req
12. Problem solved.
You two fight to the death...Copy !req
13. and I'll cook the loser.Copy !req
14. Work his gut.
I like it tender.Copy !req
15. Maybe that planet over there
has a drive-thru.Copy !req
16. A BurgerJerk or a FishyJoe's
or a Chiseler or something.Copy !req
17. Don't get your hopes up.Copy !req
18. We're a billion miles
from nowhere.Copy !req
19. Yeah, it's probably
only got a Howard Johnson's.Copy !req
20. Well, it's a Type M planet...Copy !req
21. so it should at least
have roddenberries.Copy !req
22. I'm experienced at foraging.Copy !req
23. I used to find edible mushrooms
on my bath mat.Copy !req
24. I found some rocks.Copy !req
25. - You guys eat rocks, right?
- No.Copy !req
26. Not even if they're
sauteed in a little mud?Copy !req
27. Here's something.Copy !req
28. It looks like a ditch
full of fried shrimp.Copy !req
29. What are you? Blind?Copy !req
30. It looks more like a hole
full of fried prawns.Copy !req
31. Hmm, this thing
I wear on my wrist...Copy !req
32. says they're not poisonous.Copy !req
33. Well, how are they?Copy !req
34. Oh, they're great.Copy !req
35. They're like sex,
except I'm having them.Copy !req
36. You know what these
would go great with? Rocks.Copy !req
37. Look, here's more.Copy !req
38. The planet's
covered with them.Copy !req
39. Let's bring back
a couple of pocketfuls.Copy !req
40. No, a whole Bender-ful.Copy !req
41. No, only what we need.
Stuff the ship.Copy !req
42. Planet Express ship,
you are cleared to land.Copy !req
43. Roger.Copy !req
44. Oh, man...Copy !req
45. I'm inhaling these things.Copy !req
46. You guys scored
some primo stuff here.Copy !req
47. They're tastier
than an unguarded penguin nest.Copy !req
48. What do you call them?Copy !req
49. We haven't thought
of a name yet.Copy !req
50. They're tasty, right?Copy !req
51. Let's call them Tasticles.Copy !req
52. - We can't call them that.
- Why not?Copy !req
53. It sounds too much like those frozen
Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick.Copy !req
54. You know, Testsicles.Copy !req
55. According to government records...Copy !req
56. the only names
not yet trademarked...Copy !req
57. are Popplers and Zitsels.Copy !req
58. I know...
We'll call them Popplers.Copy !req
59. - You sure picked it.Copy !req
60. Swish.Copy !req
61. Call them what you want.Copy !req
62. I call them a free meal.Copy !req
63. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down there, Sigmund.Copy !req
64. I can't stand idly by
while poor people get free food.Copy !req
65. We gotta sell
these things.Copy !req
66. - Yeah!
- Good idea.Copy !req
67. Bender's a genius!Copy !req
68. Hey.
Business is great.Copy !req
69. Great is okay,
but amazing would be great.Copy !req
70. Please, don't push.Copy !req
71. There's hot dogs
for everyone.Copy !req
72. Hey, Mac, where do you want
those rat droppings you ordered?Copy !req
73. Wait a minute.
You're not the guy...Copy !req
74. who delivers
the rat droppings.Copy !req
75. What are you selling?
Popplers?Copy !req
76. Never heard of'em.Copy !req
77. Eat it or beat it.Copy !req
78. Mmm, mmm.Copy !req
79. These are great.Copy !req
80. Boys, this is your lucky day.Copy !req
81. I'm Joe Gillman.Copy !req
82. Wow.Copy !req
83. You're some guy
who eats at FishyJoe's?Copy !req
84. Hell, no.
I am FishyJoe.Copy !req
85. I've got
a fast-food franchise...Copy !req
86. on every planet
in the known universe...Copy !req
87. except McPluto.Copy !req
88. Hey, Fishy, I've been
meaning to write you...Copy !req
89. about your in-store
kiddie parks.Copy !req
90. The slides won't support
an adult robot.Copy !req
91. Good point.
Not interested.Copy !req
92. But these Popplers,
these are great.Copy !req
93. - How much you sell them for?
- A dollar a dozen.Copy !req
94. You'll never make money
that way.Copy !req
95. You supply them to me and I'll
sell them for two bucks a dozen...Copy !req
96. at my restaurants.Copy !req
97. I'll even pay you
a dollar a dozen.Copy !req
98. Yes! I'm going to be rich!Copy !req
99. You, too, but it's hard
to get excited about that.Copy !req
100. How do we sign?Copy !req
101. I can't pay.Copy !req
102. Leela, that's the second billboard
you crashed into this week.Copy !req
103. Sorry. I was distracted
by those protesters...Copy !req
104. outside our building.Copy !req
105. Hey, unless this
is a nude love-in...Copy !req
106. get the hell off my property.Copy !req
107. You can't own
property, man.Copy !req
108. I can, but that's because
I'm not a penniless hippie.Copy !req
109. What do you people want?Copy !req
110. We're with Mankind
for Ethical Animal Treatment.Copy !req
111. Popplers are living creatures.Copy !req
112. You've got to stop
harvesting them for food.Copy !req
113. - Or what?
- Or we'll boycott FishyJoe's.Copy !req
114. You're vegetarians.Copy !req
115. Who cares what you do?Copy !req
116. Uh... Shut up!Copy !req
117. Animals eat other animals.
It's nature.Copy !req
118. No, it isn't.Copy !req
119. We taught a lion to eat tofu.Copy !req
120. The point is, you shouldn't
eat things that feel pain.Copy !req
121. Okay, we won't eat you.Copy !req
122. I'll go get
some more bricks.Copy !req
123. Fry, I wish you'd throw out
these week-old Popplers.Copy !req
124. They're getting big and scaly.Copy !req
125. Ooh, there's one left.Copy !req
126. Mama.Copy !req
127. Stop!Copy !req
128. Stop eating Popplers.Copy !req
129. Why?Copy !req
130. My booze!Copy !req
131. Popplers are intelligent.Copy !req
132. This one called me "Mama."Copy !req
133. Congratulations.Copy !req
134. I assume Amy is the father.Copy !req
135. Popplers can't talk.Copy !req
136. Leela must be
hallucinating...Copy !req
137. from not eating
enough Popplers.Copy !req
138. Here, eat some now.Copy !req
139. No!Copy !req
140. I said eat!Copy !req
141. Come on! Mangia!Copy !req
142. Sorry, babies.Copy !req
143. Leela, maybe you
should lie down.Copy !req
144. Yes, listen to the father.Copy !req
145. I'm telling you it spoke to me.Copy !req
146. Come on, little Poppler.Copy !req
147. Say "Mama."Copy !req
148. Look, Leela,
even if you heard one talk...Copy !req
149. that doesn't mean
it's intelligent.Copy !req
150. I mean, parrots talk,
and we eat them, right?Copy !req
151. Yeah, maybe
it just learned...Copy !req
152. to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry.Copy !req
153. [Parrot-like]
Like Fry, like Fry.Copy !req
154. There's one way,
and only one way...Copy !req
155. to determine if an animal
is intelligent...Copy !req
156. Dissect its brain.Copy !req
157. No! Mama!Copy !req
158. Stop Grandpa!Copy !req
159. Enough chitchat.Copy !req
160. Restrain the specimen.Copy !req
161. Some of that special sauce.Copy !req
162. Stop eating Popplers!
They can talk!Copy !req
163. Don't stop to talk.
Eat Popplers!Copy !req
164. Hey, cut it out.Copy !req
165. Take a coupon.Copy !req
166. Cut it out.Copy !req
167. Ow! Ooh! Ow!Copy !req
168. People, I won't let you enter.Copy !req
169. Popplers are as intelligent
as you or me.Copy !req
170. You, maybe.Copy !req
171. - Hear me! Hear me!Copy !req
172. Stop eating Popplers!Copy !req
173. Stop eating them
with honey mustard sauce!Copy !req
174. Stop eating them with tangy
sweet-and-sour sauce.Copy !req
175. Stop eating the new
Fiesta Poppler Salad.Copy !req
176. Stop taking advantage
of the money-saving 12-pack.Copy !req
177. Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio,
in the car, or on the boat...Copy !req
178. wherever good times are had.Copy !req
179. Ow!Copy !req
180. Tonight, on Date Night:Copy !req
181. Popplers... eating them.Copy !req
182. Is it all right to?Copy !req
183. We have with us
the C.E.O. Of FishyJoe's...Copy !req
184. Mr. FishyJoseph Gillman...Copy !req
185. noted anti-eating activist,
Free Waterfall, Jr...Copy !req
186. and the discoverer of Popplers,
Captain Taranga Leela.Copy !req
187. Taranga?Copy !req
188. That's her name, Phillip.Copy !req
189. Phillip?Copy !req
190. FishyJoe, is it wrong
to eat intelligent animals?Copy !req
191. Absolutely not, Linda.Copy !req
192. I don't think anyone's here
to make that claim.Copy !req
193. I am.Copy !req
194. Me, too.Copy !req
195. - Listen...
- Shut up.Copy !req
196. We're talking about a snack...Copy !req
197. - Shut up.
- That's low in fat...Copy !req
198. - Shut up.
- And high in profit.Copy !req
199. You're crazy, man.
He is crazy.Copy !req
200. There's not even
any strong evidence...Copy !req
201. that these Popplers
are intelligent.Copy !req
202. - Shut up, shut up.
- That's not true.Copy !req
203. I have one right here
that can talk.Copy !req
204. Shut up.Copy !req
205. Come on. Say "Mama."Copy !req
206. Caca.Copy !req
207. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.Copy !req
208. Look, I'm not saying
eating meat is wrong.Copy !req
209. Shut up.Copy !req
210. I don't think anyone's
here to make that claim.Copy !req
211. - I am.
- But eating an intelligent animal
is different.Copy !req
212. Shut up, shut up,
shut up.Copy !req
213. Oh, don't force
your tired philosophy on us.Copy !req
214. I mean, the only reason
we don't eat people...Copy !req
215. is because it tastes lousy.Copy !req
216. You're all nuts.Copy !req
217. Shut up. Let me talk.Copy !req
218. You shut up, please.Copy !req
219. No, you shut up, please.Copy !req
220. Popplers are no smarter than
any other animal I've served...Copy !req
221. and that includes cats.Copy !req
222. Caca-head.Copy !req
223. Mean old caca-head.Copy !req
224. Sir, I'm making a point.Copy !req
225. If these gutter-mouth creatures
are so smart...Copy !req
226. why don't they
defend themselves, huh?Copy !req
227. Stop it.Copy !req
228. I call murder on that.Copy !req
229. Look, I'm willing to grant
that it's murder.Copy !req
230. The real issue is...Copy !req
231. Who's going to stop me?Copy !req
232. We seem to be experiencing
technical difficulties...Copy !req
233. and crap like I've never seen.Copy !req
234. People of Earth, I am Lurr...Copy !req
235. of the planet
Omicron Persei I Eight.Copy !req
236. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.Copy !req
237. Dear Lord, they're back.Copy !req
238. We're doomed.Copy !req
239. Doomed!Copy !req
240. Doooooooooooooooo...Copy !req
241. Now then, the creatures
you call Popplers...Copy !req
242. come from a nursery planet
in our sector.Copy !req
243. You monsters have been eating
our babies.Copy !req
244. We demand justice.Copy !req
245. As you ate our children,
so shall you be eaten by us.Copy !req
246. We will begin with the firemen,
then the math teachers...Copy !req
247. and so on in that fashion
until everyone is eaten.Copy !req
248. Transmission over.Copy !req
249. Well, that went okay.Copy !req
250. I tell you...
When you know you can't scratch...Copy !req
251. that's when you
really have to, huh?Copy !req
252. Oh... Oh, yeah,
that feels a lot better.Copy !req
253. What?
It's still on?Copy !req
254. Oh!Copy !req
255. As chief negotiator,
I speak for all of Earth...Copy !req
256. when I mourn the regrettable
loss of the Omicronian young.Copy !req
257. We share your pain.Copy !req
258. Mmm, if we could
undo the damage...Copy !req
259. Mmm. These would be great
with gwack-a-mole.Copy !req
260. Stop eating our young!Copy !req
261. And it's pronounced guacamole!Copy !req
262. Mmm. All right.
I'm putting them away.Copy !req
263. Now, uh, what is it you want?Copy !req
264. We demand...Copy !req
265. We demand to eat...Copy !req
266. one human for each Omicronian
that was eaten.Copy !req
267. Fair enough. How many is that?Copy !req
268. 198 billion, sir.Copy !req
269. Very well.Copy !req
270. You will provide us
with 198 billion humans...Copy !req
271. and, uh, small fries.Copy !req
272. Lurr!Copy !req
273. Oh, all right, cottage cheese.Copy !req
274. Sir, there aren't
that many human beings.Copy !req
275. A thought occurs...Copy !req
276. There aren't
that many humans.Copy !req
277. We'll wait a few weeks
while you shore up the numbers.Copy !req
278. Hmm? 198 billion babies
in a few weeks.Copy !req
279. We'll need an army
of super-virile men...Copy !req
280. scoring 'round the clock!Copy !req
281. I'll do my part.Copy !req
282. Kiff, clear my schedule.Copy !req
283. I wish they'd just
wipe out humanity...Copy !req
284. and get it over with.Copy !req
285. It's the waiting I can't stand.Copy !req
286. That's stupid.Copy !req
287. My fellow Earthlings,
we have reached an agreement.Copy !req
288. Using the twin guns
of grace and tact...Copy !req
289. I blasted our worthless enemies
with a fair compromise.Copy !req
290. They will not eat everyone
on Earth.Copy !req
291. I filled up on nuts
at the negotiation.Copy !req
292. Instead, they will eat only
a single human of their choice.Copy !req
293. We choose to eat the first Earthling
who ate our offspring.Copy !req
294. Here is the culprit...Copy !req
295. as photographed
by our nanny-cam satellite.Copy !req
296. She must be sacrificed...Copy !req
297. but the rest of you
shall be spared.Copy !req
298. Boo!Copy !req
299. Boo!Copy !req
300. Tonight...Copy !req
301. the world watches in horror
as an Earthling is eaten alive...Copy !req
302. on network television.Copy !req
303. This grim scene
of unimaginable carnage...Copy !req
304. is brought to you
by FishyJoe's.Copy !req
305. Try our new
extreme walrus juice.Copy !req
306. 100% fresh-squeezed walrus.Copy !req
307. Ride the walrus.Copy !req
308. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
309. the Omicronians!Copy !req
310. Greetings, Earth morsels.Copy !req
311. You suck!Copy !req
312. Get a job!Copy !req
313. I'll miss you, Leela.Copy !req
314. I know you're just
a carbon-based life-form...Copy !req
315. but I'll always think of you
as a big pile of titanium.Copy !req
316. What Bender means is,
you're really brave...Copy !req
317. and smart and beautiful
and a great friend.Copy !req
318. Just like titanium.Copy !req
319. This is all a big load.Copy !req
320. I was the one trying
to save the Popplers.Copy !req
321. You were sucking them down
like the fat hog you are...Copy !req
322. and you were
stepping on them for fun.Copy !req
323. You both should be in here
instead of me.Copy !req
324. Someone's acting
awfully aluminum.Copy !req
325. Leela, my sweet,
I've come to save you.Copy !req
326. I have a devious plan.Copy !req
327. Oh, great.
Captain Moron has a plan.Copy !req
328. Why don't you tell it
to Wingus and Dingus here.Copy !req
329. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.Copy !req
330. We're going to give the aliens
the old switcheroo.Copy !req
331. - You mean?
- Correct.Copy !req
332. I found a giant, hideous ape
that looks exactly like Leela.Copy !req
333. It doesn't look
anything like me.Copy !req
334. The hair is all wrong.Copy !req
335. Don't worry,
Kiff is an expert stylist...Copy !req
336. as you can plainly see.Copy !req
337. Mmm!Copy !req
338. You know,
this might actually work.Copy !req
339. The Omicronians seem
to have trouble...Copy !req
340. telling one person from another.Copy !req
341. True. At the negotiations,
they thought Kiff here...Copy !req
342. was the statesman and I was
a jabbering mental patient.Copy !req
343. Isn't that right, Kiff?Copy !req
344. Please, I'm creating.Copy !req
345. Voila!Copy !req
346. Bingo!Copy !req
347. That's Leela.Copy !req
348. I'm seeing double.Copy !req
349. I grow hungry.Copy !req
350. Bring on the one
called "Leela."Copy !req
351. That comes
with salad or soup.Copy !req
352. Uh, salad.Copy !req
353. Ranch or vinaigrette?Copy !req
354. Vinaigrette.Copy !req
355. Balsamic or raspberry?Copy !req
356. People of Earth...Copy !req
357. Shh!Copy !req
358. Hmm.Copy !req
359. Hmm.Copy !req
360. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
361. Yes, this is the one,
definitely.Copy !req
362. I recognize her slumping posture
and hairy knuckles.Copy !req
363. Would you like some human
with your salt?Copy !req
364. This is it.Copy !req
365. If the aliens fall
for Zapp's ploy...Copy !req
366. the earth will be saved.Copy !req
367. Brought to you by FishyJoe's.Copy !req
368. Ride the walrus.Copy !req
369. Wait! Stop!Copy !req
370. It's a trick!
That's not Leela!Copy !req
371. - Wha-What's happening?Copy !req
372. I'm losing the crowd.Copy !req
373. It's an orangutan...Copy !req
374. one of Mother Earth's
most precious creatures.Copy !req
375. Hmm.Copy !req
376. Why'd you open your bonghole,
you smelly hippie?Copy !req
377. You'd sacrifice
a beautiful woman...Copy !req
378. to save a moderately attractive
monkey?Copy !req
379. You must've smoked
some bad granola.Copy !req
380. The one called
"Smelly Hippie" is right.Copy !req
381. This is a monkey.Copy !req
382. Yes, definitely.Copy !req
383. Where is the real female?Copy !req
384. I'll never tell.Copy !req
385. Where is the real female?Copy !req
386. I'll get her for you.Copy !req
387. I realize
this may hurt our chances...Copy !req
388. of consummating our
relationship again.Copy !req
389. Go consummate yourself.Copy !req
390. Stop talking!Copy !req
391. You're getting cold!Copy !req
392. Please!Copy !req
393. I just paid off my car!Copy !req
394. No!Copy !req
395. I can't look.Copy !req
396. Stop!Copy !req
397. People of Earth...Copy !req
398. I am Jurr of the planet
Omicron Persei I Eight.Copy !req
399. Could someone lower
this thing for me?Copy !req
400. Now, then,
if Leela gets eaten...Copy !req
401. I get eaten!Copy !req
402. Little one,
get out of there!Copy !req
403. I'm going to count to blarks.Copy !req
404. But elder one...Copy !req
405. Flingle, glorg,
glorg-and-a-gloob...Copy !req
406. Hear me out!Copy !req
407. There are many
good reasons to eat:Copy !req
408. Hunger, boredom...Copy !req
409. wanting to be
the world's fattest man...Copy !req
410. but not revenge.Copy !req
411. Are we no better than they?Copy !req
412. Besides, Leela's my friend.Copy !req
413. Is this true, Earthling?Copy !req
414. Leela's garbled words
have opened my eyes.Copy !req
415. Okay, that's a start.Copy !req
416. That's very Earth-friendly.Copy !req
417. Now, everyone join hands!Copy !req
418. Join hands, please!Copy !req
419. I'd like to lead you all
in some swaying.Copy !req
420. Come on. Pay attention.Copy !req
421. I said do it!Copy !req
422. - Yeah.
- Is he your friend, too?Copy !req
423. No.Copy !req
424. Aah!Copy !req
425. This is not happening.Copy !req
426. Ooh, I think there was
something funny in that hippie.Copy !req
427. Thank you, Jurr.Copy !req
428. I hope you'll always
think of me as your mom.Copy !req
429. When my species grows up,
we eat our moms.Copy !req
430. Whoop!Copy !req
431. People of Earth...Copy !req
432. Ooh, that hippie's starting
to kick in.Copy !req
433. We've all learned
an important lesson today.Copy !req
434. I realize now that...Copy !req
435. Dude, my hands are huge.Copy !req
436. They can touch anything
but themselves.Copy !req
437. Oh, wait.Copy !req
438. Let's go.Copy !req
439. Ooh.Copy !req
440. Hmm?Copy !req
441. Whoa-ho-ho.Copy !req
442. Whoo.Copy !req
443. Yeah...Copy !req
444. Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.Copy !req
445. A toast to Leela.Copy !req
446. She showed us it's wrong
to eat certain things.Copy !req
447. - Hear, hear!
- Let's get drunk!Copy !req
448. Aw, thanks, guys.Copy !req
449. Pass the veal, please.Copy !req
450. Mmm, let me get some...Copy !req
451. of that suckling pig.Copy !req
452. Who wants dolphin?Copy !req
453. - Dolphin?Copy !req
454. But dolphins are intelligent.Copy !req
455. Not this one.Copy !req
456. He blew all his money
on instant lottery tickets.Copy !req
457. - Oh.
- That's different.Copy !req
458. Pass the blowhole.Copy !req
459. Can I have a fluke?Copy !req
460. Hey, quite hoggin'
the bottlenose.Copy !req
461. Toss me
the speech center of the brain.Copy !req