Futurama 1x9

Directed by Rich Moore

Adam Horovitz as Ad-Rock / MCA (voice) • Michael Diamond as Mike D's head (voice) • Dan Castellaneta as Robot Devil (voice)

During a Beastie Boys concert, Bender runs into a high school buddy, Fender. He invites him to a party, which turns out to be robots getting high off of electricity, or "jacking on". After one try, Bender is hooked.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. This is awesome!

2. I've been waiting a 1000 years

3. to see a Beastie Boys show.

4. Can I get anybody a beer?

5. Sure.

6. Ah...

7. - Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down

8. some old, old, incredibly old school beats,

9. the Beastie Boys!

10. Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

11. You stick around I'll make it worth your while

12. Like numbers beyond what you can dial

13. Maybe it's because we're so versatile

14. "Style, profile," I said

15. It always brings me back When I hear, "Ooh, child"

16. From the Hudson river...

17. impressive.

18. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate.

19. I believe that qualifies as ill.

20. At least from a technical standpoint.

21. Will you guys shut up?

22. I'm trying to look cool.

23. - Tammy D gets biz on the crops - Crops

24. Beastie Boys known to let the beat...

25. Mm, drop?

26. Ow! How's it going?

27. Ow! Enjoying the show?

28. OOH! OW!

29. Don't forget to pick up a t-shirt.

30. Wow, an old-fashioned mosh pit.

31. Come on, guys.

32. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999...

33. again.

34. Ow! Hey, watch it!

35. Man, these guys rock harder than ever.

36. Oh, my

37. It's a mirage

38. Telling you all it's a...

39. Sabotage

40. Sabotage, yeah

41. Peace! We out!

42. Hey, Bender.

43. Hey, Fender.

44. Man, I haven't seen you since high school.

45. You still working at Jack in The Box?

46. Not anymore, baby.

47. I'm with the band.

48. Oh-oh, yeah.

49. Hey, fellas, hey.

50. I want you to meet my friends, Bender, Fry, and Leela.

51. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

52. Wow, I love you guys.

53. Back in the 20th century,

54. I had all five of your albums.

55. That was a 1000 years ago. Now we got seven.

56. Cool. Can I borrow the new ones?

57. And a couple of blank tapes?

58. Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these organ sacks

59. and hit the real party?

60. Count me in. I'm going to drink till I reboot.

61. Hey, what kind of party is this?

62. There's no booze and only one hooker.

63. Don't be a drag, man.

64. We're jacking on.

65. O-o-o-h, y-y-yeah!

66. Want a jolt?

67. Uh, hey, I'm no square,

68. but isn't that counter-indicated

69. by my operations manual?

70. Come on, Bender. Grab a jack.

71. I told these guys you were cool.

72. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool,

73. I'll do it.

74. Whoa!

75. Mmm!

76. Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff.

77. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

78. Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood?

79. Shut up, Square!

80. I'll just be a minute.

81. Wretched sinner unit.

82. The path to robot heaven lies here,

83. in the good book 3.0.

84. Hey, do I preach to you

85. when you're lying stoned in the gutter?

86. No.

87. So beat it!

88. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

89. Who was that guy?

90. Your mama.

91. Now shut up and drag me to work.

92. Our electric bill is climbing faster

93. than a green snake up a sugarcane.

94. Obviously, someone 'round here

95. been wasting a whole heap of juice.

96. - Probably you. - Me?

97. Good morning, Bender.

98. None of your business! Get off my back!

99. What's his problem?

100. if I didn't know better,

101. I'd almost think he was abusing electricity.

102. Bender? No way.

103. I definitely would have noticed something.

104. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom?

105. Are you jacking on in there?

106. No! Don't come in!

107. Good news, everyone.

108. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas

109. to Sicily 8, the mob planet.

110. All right, let's get to work!

111. I'll be out in a second.

112. I know Big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death,

113. but I still think he was gay.

114. Did he use his tongue?

115. A little.

116. - Are you okay, Bender? - None of your business! Get off my back!

117. Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance

118. in the Coalsack Nebula.

119. - A what kind of a disturbance? - Electrical.

120. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

121. We're out of control!

122. We're heading straight into the electric field.

123. What's happening? I feel weird.

124. Come on, Universe,

125. you big, mostly empty wuss!

126. Give me all the juice you got!

127. Oh, Mama.

128. WHAT?

129. Bender, we didn't mind

130. your drinking or your kleptomania

131. or your pornography ring.

132. in fact, that's why we loved you.

133. But this electricity abuse crossed the line.

134. You almost killed us.

135. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you.

136. Just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs

137. And then he sold me my mom's VCR.

138. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs.

139. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

140. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

141. Maybe there's another way.

142. Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff.

143. What am I doing?

144. What have I become?

145. Huh?

146. I see a lot of fancy robots here today

147. made of real shiny metal.

148. But that don't impress the Robot Devil, no, sir.

149. - No, sir! - 'Cause if you're a sinner,

150. He's going to plug his infernal modem in the wall,

151. belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you

152. straight to robot hell.

153. Straight to hell!

154. So I ask you,

155. "Who will stand up and be saved?"

156. Who? Who?

157. Me.

158. And as a further cost-cutting measure,

159. I have eliminated the saltwater cooler.

160. This is a witch hunt.

161. Oh, what a beautiful morning

162. Oh, what a beautiful day

163. Greetings, friends.

164. Don't we all look nice today?

165. Great. He's whacked out on electricity again.

166. No, I'm whacked out on life.

167. My friends, I found religion.

168. Religion?

169. is this another scam to get free yarmuikes?

170. Give him a break, Fry.

171. if this helps Bender clean up his act,

172. then I think we should be supportive.

173. Wonderful.

174. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long

175. un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony.

176. - Um... Oh, I... - Uh...

177. We are gathered here today to deliver brother Bender

178. From the cold, steel grip of the Robot Devil

179. Unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

180. Tell it, Preacher!

181. That equals true.

182. Brother Bender.

183. Do you accept the principles of Robotology,

184. on pain of eternal damnation in robot hell?

185. Yes, I do.

186. Then I will now baptize you.

187. Press any key to continue.

188. Uh, while you're at it

189. could you touch up this seam?

190. This is unbelievable.

191. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner.

192. The old Bender's gone.

193. He won't trouble you anymore.

194. Would Monsieur care to see the wine list?

195. No poison for us, thanks.

196. I'll stick with good old mineral oil.

197. Ah. Functional.

198. - Mmm. - That's mine here.

199. Man, I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugarcane field.

200. Friends, friends, surely you're not going to eat

201. before we say robot grace.

202. - Oh, man. - Uh...

203. in the name of all that is good and logical

204. we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb.

205. To quote the prophet Jerematic,

206. "One-zero-zero-zero

207. "one-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one...

208. "zero-zero-one

209. "zero-one-one-zero-zero-one... Two."

210. Amen.

211. Does that mean we can eat now?

212. Yes.

213. But first, since I love you all so much

214. I'd like to give everyone hugs.

215. Come here, Fry.

216. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

217. Fry, you're my friend.

218. Come on, everyone line up for a hug.

219. Let's tear down some emotional walls.

220. What are you doing to my ship?

221. Sanctifying it.

222. There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters.

223. Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts.

224. Amen.

225. If only he had joined a mainstream religion

226. like Orpah-ism or voodoo.

227. We've got to get the old Bender back.

228. And I think I know a way to do it.

229. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze.

230. I can't believe somebody hired

231. an interstellar spaceship

232. to deliver a package to Atlantic city.

233. What are we delivering, anyway?

234. Uh... This.

235. Where are we delivering it to?

236. - Uh... Here.

237. Another job well done.

238. Now back to the office

239. for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance.

240. Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender.

241. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing?

242. Hey, great idea.

243. But those girls don't wear cases.

244. You can see their bare circuits.

245. Come on, it'll be fun.

246. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine.

247. WhAt? Drinking wine is a sin...

248. Even if it is deliciously fortified.

249. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse.

250. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand.

251. Thou shalt not snatch.

252. And there's Hookerbot 5000.

253. She's got a heart of solid gold.

254. Hey, Sailing unit.

255. Stop tempting me!

256. For once in my life, I have inner peace.

257. That's for losers.

258. Come on, sin your heart out.

259. - Go nuts. - Live a little.

260. Could you hold my purse for a minute?

261. Go for it, Bender.

262. You know you want to.

263. Well...

264. I'm the greatest! Whoo-hoo!

265. Looks like we got the old Bender back.

266. You know it, Porkpie. Except for one thing...

267. You know, as a major Hollywood director

268. I'll be holding auditions tonight for my next movie.

269. And even though you're all young and naive

270. I think you might just have what it takes.

271. Hey, I'm trying to score here.

272. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

273. No! No!

274. Greetings, Bender.

275. Welcome to Robot Hell.

276. What in hell happened to Bender?

277. Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here.

278. Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil.

279. Go, Boy. Follow that stench.

280. I'm hallucinating this, right?

281. No, Bender.

282. Robot Hell is quite real.

283. Here's our brochure.

284. But I don't belong here.

285. I don't like things that are scary and painful.

286. Sorry, Bender.

287. You agreed to this when you joined our religion.

288. If you sin, you go to robot hell...

289. For all eternity.

290. Aw, hell... I mean heck.

291. It's all right. You can say that here.

292. Wait, I remember this place.

293. They shut it down after all those people

294. caught Salmonella from the flume ride.

295. Hmm.

296. Look.

297. It's the symbol of Bender's old religion.

298. Unbelievable.

299. It's an actual, factual Robot Hell.

300. Who would have thought hell would really exist?

301. And that it would be in New Jersey?

302. Actually...

303. We know all your sins, Bender,

304. and for each one, we've prepared

305. an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen?

306. Aw, crap... Singing.

307. Mind if I smoke?

308. Cigars are evil You won't miss 'em

309. We'll find ways To simulate that smell

310. What a sorry fella.

311. Rolled up and smoked Like a panatela

312. Here on level one of robot hell

313. Gambling's wrong And so is cheating

314. So is forging phony I.O.U.s

315. Let's let Lady Luck decide

316. What type of torture's justified

317. I'm pit boss here On level two

318. Ooh, deep-fried robot.

319. Just tell me why?

320. Please read this 55-page warrant

321. There must be robots worse than I

322. We checked around, There really aren't

323. Then please let me explain

324. My crimes were merely boyish pranks

325. You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks

326. Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing

327. Please stop sinning while I'm singing.

328. Selling bootleg tapes is wrong

329. Musicians need that income to survive

330. Hey, Bender, going to make some noise

331. With the hard drive scratched By the Beastie Boys

332. That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get On level five

333. I don't feel well

334. it's up to us to rescue him

335. Maybe he likes it here in hell

336. It's us who tempted him to sin

337. Maybe he's back at the motel

338. Come on, Fry, don't be scared

339. I'm sure at least One of us will be spared

340. So just sit back Enjoy the ride

341. My ass has blisters from the slide

342. Fencing diamonds Fixing cockfights

343. Publishing indecent magazines

344. You'll pay for every crime

345. Knee-deep in electric slime

346. You'll suffer till The end of time

347. Enduring tortures Most of which rhyme

348. Trapped forever here in Robot Hell.

349. Of course, that's just for starters.

350. Bender, are you all right?

351. No. Oh, they're tormenting me

352. with up-tempo singing and dancing.

353. All right, Beelzebot.

354. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

355. Sorry, but I hold all the cards here.

356. There's nothing you can do.

357. Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver...

358. Wait. What fiddle contest?

359. Uh... The fairness in hell act of 2275

360. requires me to inform you that if you can best me

361. in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul.

362. As well as a solid gold fiddle.

363. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds

364. and sound crummy?

365. Well, it's mostly for show.

366. Do you know how to play the fiddle?

367. No, do you?

368. No, but I used to play the drums.

369. They're sort of similar.

370. What happens if we lose?

371. You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle.

372. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you...

373. Him.

374. We'll do it.

375. Very well, then.

376. Beat this.

377. Well, we're boned.

378. Your turn.

379. Ha!

380. Time for the drum solo.

381. Run!

382. Whoa!

383. Stop them!

384. They cheated!

385. Hallelujah

386. Hallelujah

387. Hallelujah, hallelujah...

388. Hurry, Bender.

389. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin.

390. Oh, sorry.

391. Don't worry, guys.

392. I'll never be too good or too evil again.

393. From now on, I'll just be me.

394. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that?

395. I don't know.

396. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall?

397. Good old bender.

398. Oh, yeah, yeah.

399. This one goes out to my man, Bender.

400. Sending this one out, special dedication.

401. To all my peoples in the robot home world.

402. Yeah, yeah! Big up with the Professor.

403. My man, Dr. Zoidberg. I'd like to shout out...

404. A personal shout out to Leela.

405. Fry! My man, Bender,

406. Nibbler, Nibbler, in the house.

407. Big shout out to all of Futurama!