1. What do you think of the view, Fry?Copy !req
2. It really puts things in perspective.Copy !req
3. I mean, from up here, an entire world
can seem utterly insignificant.Copy !req
4. Hey, nice seats.Copy !req
5. We're close enough that when youCopy !req
6. knock a player down with a beer bottle,
he stays down.Copy !req
7. I don't get this.Copy !req
8. Is Blernsball exactly
the same as baseball?Copy !req
9. Baseball? God forbid.Copy !req
10. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring
as mom and apple pie.Copy !req
11. That's why they jazzed it up.Copy !req
12. Boring? Baseball wasn't...Copy !req
13. Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.Copy !req
14. Home run!Copy !req
15. Yay, yay!Copy !req
16. Right?Copy !req
17. Ugh.Copy !req
18. Out.Copy !req
19. - Yeah! Yay!Copy !req
20. What just happened?
Why is the ball on that sproingy thing?Copy !req
21. It's traditional, just like aluminum bats
and the seventh-inning grope.Copy !req
22. Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
23. I got me a souvenir.Copy !req
24. Aw, here you go, kid.Copy !req
25. I'd like a jumbo squid log, please.Copy !req
26. We don't sell those.Copy !req
27. All right, all right.Copy !req
28. Let me have one of your young on a roll.Copy !req
29. We're out of rolls.Copy !req
30. Fine. Just give me something
crawling with parasites.Copy !req
31. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed.Copy !req
32. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn?Copy !req
33. - Oh, I'll have some.
- Oh, yeah. Popcorn.Copy !req
34. Anyone want butter on that?Copy !req
35. Hey, I'm starting to get
the hang of this game.Copy !req
36. The blerns are loaded,Copy !req
37. the count's three blerns
and two anti-blernsCopy !req
38. and the infield blern rule
is in effect. Right?Copy !req
39. Except for the word "blern,"
that was complete gibberish.Copy !req
40. Multi-ball!Copy !req
41. Multi-ball!Copy !req
42. Blern!Copy !req
43. Blern!Copy !req
44. All right! Yes!Copy !req
45. Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns.Copy !req
46. He's good all right,
but he's no Clem Johnson.Copy !req
47. And Johnson played back in the daysCopy !req
48. before steroid injections were mandatory.Copy !req
49. Clem Johnson?Copy !req
50. That sack of skin
wouldn't have lasted one pitchCopy !req
51. in the old robot leagues.Copy !req
52. Now, Wireless Joe Jackson—Copy !req
53. There was a blern-hitting machine.Copy !req
54. Exactly, he was a machine
designed to hit blerns.Copy !req
55. I mean, come on, Wireless Joe was nothingCopy !req
56. but a programmable bat on wheels.Copy !req
57. Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000
was just a modified howitzer.Copy !req
58. - Yep.
- You know, you humans are so scaredCopy !req
59. of a little robot competition,
you won't even let us on the field.Copy !req
60. What are you talking about?
There's all kinds of robots down there.Copy !req
61. Yeah. Doing crap work.Copy !req
62. They're bat boys, ball polishers,
sprinkler systems,Copy !req
63. but how many robot managers are there?Copy !req
64. - Eleven?
- Zero!Copy !req
65. And what a surprise.Copy !req
66. Look who's scraping up the filth.Copy !req
67. Is it a human child?Copy !req
68. I wish.Copy !req
69. Whoa! Dear Lord!Copy !req
70. - What's wrong?
- Oh, uh, it's... My... New pager.Copy !req
71. This is Hermes.Copy !req
72. A package just came in.Copy !req
73. Everyone needs to return
to the office immediately.Copy !req
74. Get away, you filthy bird.Copy !req
75. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick.Copy !req
76. I'm sorry. What?Copy !req
77. See you at the office.Copy !req
78. Admit it.Copy !req
79. You all think robots are just machinesCopy !req
80. built by humans
to make their lives easier.Copy !req
81. Well, aren't they?Copy !req
82. I've never made anyone's life easier
and you know it.Copy !req
83. Great news, everyone.Copy !req
84. You'll be delivering
a package to Chapek 9.Copy !req
85. A world where humans are killed on sight.Copy !req
86. Why is that great news?Copy !req
87. I'm glad you asked that question, Fry.Copy !req
88. You see, Chapek 9
was colonized centuries agoCopy !req
89. by a murderous crew
of radical robot separatists.Copy !req
90. Oh, so just 'cause a robot
wants to kill humans,Copy !req
91. that makes him a "radical."Copy !req
92. Hey, hold on.
I understand these robots hate humans,Copy !req
93. but how do they feel
about humanoid aliens?Copy !req
94. They're not fans.Copy !req
95. That's why Bender
will have to make the actual delivery.Copy !req
96. Oh, I get it,
make the robot do all the work.Copy !req
97. This is the first actual work
you've ever had to do around here.Copy !req
98. Well, I'm not doing it.Copy !req
99. It's a robot holiday.Copy !req
100. Really? Which one?Copy !req
101. Only Robanukah—Copy !req
102. The holiest two weeks
on the robot calendar.Copy !req
103. Oh, come on, Bender.Copy !req
104. Last month it was Robamadan,
and before that Robanzaa.Copy !req
105. Man, that one was a blast.Copy !req
106. It wasn't just a blast.Copy !req
107. It was a sacred tribute
to my ancestral prototypesCopy !req
108. which happened to take the form
of a drinking contest.Copy !req
109. Now, look here, Bender,
I respect your diversityCopy !req
110. to the extent the law requires,Copy !req
111. but you used up all your days off
when you had that bout with roberculosis.Copy !req
112. Aw, all right, I'll go.Copy !req
113. But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against
every last stinking one of youCopy !req
114. for the rest of your lives.Copy !req
115. Well, then it's settled.Copy !req
116. So long, everyone.Copy !req
117. So, let me get this straight.
This planet is completely uninhabited?Copy !req
118. No. It's inhabited by robots.Copy !req
119. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse
is inhabited by boxes.Copy !req
120. Okay, Bender, we're here.Copy !req
121. It's time to get to work.Copy !req
122. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge,Copy !req
123. lift that space bale.Copy !req
124. Now, we can't land on the surfaceCopy !req
125. because those robots
would kill Fry and me.Copy !req
126. So, we'll have to stay up here
and lower you with the winch.Copy !req
127. And remember, you don't know humans,Copy !req
128. you don't work for humans,Copy !req
129. and above all, you don't like humans.Copy !req
130. I'll try to keep that in mind.Copy !req
131. Hmm, he seems pretty angry.Copy !req
132. Yeah, but I guess
I'd be kind of angry, tooCopy !req
133. if I had to go to some uninhabited planet.Copy !req
134. Maybe we ought to do
something nice for him.Copy !req
135. There, this oughta show that stupid robot
we care about him.Copy !req
136. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery.Copy !req
137. I... I'm in trouble.Copy !req
138. They found out I work with humans, and—Copy !req
139. Oh, no. Oh, no!Copy !req
140. Oh, my God.Copy !req
141. - We have to go down and rescue him.
- No, we can't.Copy !req
142. They'll kill us on sight.Copy !req
143. What are we going to do?Copy !req
144. I don't know. I don't know.
It's not an easy decision.Copy !req
145. If only I had two or three minutes
to think about it.Copy !req
146. Okay. If we're going to save BenderCopy !req
147. we've got to look and act
exactly like robots.Copy !req
148. I am fully operational, Captain.Copy !req
149. We'll have to walk like robots,
talk like robots,Copy !req
150. and if necessary solve complex
differential equations like robots.Copy !req
151. I can sort of dance like a robot.
Will that help?Copy !req
152. Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious.Copy !req
153. And second of all—Copy !req
154. Man, we look stupid.Copy !req
155. We should have gotten
store-bought costumes.Copy !req
156. Yeah, but there wasn't
a Woolworth's in this quadrant.Copy !req
157. Halt!Copy !req
158. Be you robot or human?Copy !req
159. Robot... We be.Copy !req
160. Uh, yep.Copy !req
161. Just two robots out roboting it up.Copy !req
162. Eh?Copy !req
163. Administer the test.Copy !req
164. Which of the following
would you most prefer:Copy !req
165. A, a puppy,Copy !req
166. B, a pretty flower from your sweetie,Copy !req
167. or C, a large
properly formatted data file?Copy !req
168. Choose!Copy !req
169. Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?Copy !req
170. No, it is the bad kind of puppy.Copy !req
171. Then we'll go with that data file.Copy !req
172. Correct.Copy !req
173. The flower would also
have been acceptable.Copy !req
174. You may pass.Copy !req
175. Now, if you see any robots
just stay out of their way.Copy !req
176. So far, so good.Copy !req
177. Little to the right... There you go.Copy !req
178. Have you seen this robot?Copy !req
179. Sorry, can't help you.Copy !req
180. Hey, watch it!Copy !req
181. Don't drop that there.Copy !req
182. Oh...Copy !req
183. Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.Copy !req
184. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
185. Robots don't have bathrooms.Copy !req
186. Oh, right.Copy !req
187. I wonder where they smoke in high school?Copy !req
188. Listen, just go behind those garbage cans.Copy !req
189. I'll stand guard.Copy !req
190. Hurry up, Fry.Copy !req
191. Sir, are you aware
that you're leaking coolantCopy !req
192. - at an alarming rate?
- Uh...Copy !req
193. Let me just patch you up
with some hot resin.Copy !req
194. I think the leak's stopping itself.Copy !req
195. Wait... Wait.Copy !req
196. Yeah... There we go.Copy !req
197. Wait... Yeah.Copy !req
198. What sort of robotCopy !req
199. turns down a free blast
of searing hot resin?Copy !req
200. - Uh...
- I'm sorry, uh, my friend and ICopy !req
201. have to go perform
some mindless repetitive tasks.Copy !req
202. Oh.
Sounds like a romantic evening.Copy !req
203. I won't keep you.Copy !req
204. - Get the humanoid.
- Get the intruder.Copy !req
205. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!Copy !req
206. Quick, let's duck in here.Copy !req
207. We interrupt this sound fileCopy !req
208. to bring you a terrifying announcement.Copy !req
209. A non-metallic being has been sightedCopy !req
210. in the vicinity of make-out point.Copy !req
211. Say, Wendy, your chassis
is a little scuffed.Copy !req
212. Mind if I polish it for you?Copy !req
213. Did you hear that, Rusty?Copy !req
214. It sounded like a human.Copy !req
215. Relax, Wendy.Copy !req
216. Humans will never come
to our defenseless little town.Copy !req
217. It's perfectly safe
to let our guard down—Copy !req
218. Even for a second.Copy !req
219. I will eat and digest you all
with my system of mighty organs.Copy !req
220. Behold!Copy !req
221. Wow! The 3-D's great!Copy !req
222. Mine's not working.Copy !req
223. Funny, isn't it?Copy !req
224. The human was impervious
to our most powerful magnetic fields.Copy !req
225. Yet in the end, he succumbed
to a harmless sharpened stick.Copy !req
226. I'm just glad the nightmare is over.Copy !req
227. It'll never be over, Wendy.Copy !req
228. Even now, humans are lurking
in our playgroundsCopy !req
229. our breezeways...Copy !req
230. Perhaps even... our movie theaters.Copy !req
231. God help us!Copy !req
232. Okay, keep an eye out for Bender.Copy !req
233. So what did you think of the movie?Copy !req
234. Uh... Too much romance.Copy !req
235. Not enough human killing.Copy !req
236. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.Copy !req
237. What's that?Copy !req
238. What do you mean, what's that?Copy !req
239. It's 5:00.Copy !req
240. Time for the daily human hunt.Copy !req
241. Try to stay with the crowd
so no one notices how crummy you look.Copy !req
242. Aw, that was uncalled for.Copy !req
243. I'm over here.Copy !req
244. I heard a human was draining coolant
behind garbage can 738.Copy !req
245. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at nightCopy !req
246. and eat them at their human brunches.Copy !req
247. Welcome to a very special human hunt.Copy !req
248. We have with us today a guestCopy !req
249. whose irrational hatred for humansCopy !req
250. makes me look like a human sympathizer.Copy !req
251. A newly arrived refugee from Earth...Copy !req
252. Let's hear it for Bender!Copy !req
253. It's him. He's okay.Copy !req
254. Death to humans!Copy !req
255. Ah, it's good to hear his voice.Copy !req
256. Many said I was too extreme
when I first calledCopy !req
257. for the annihilation of the human speciesCopy !req
258. as well as some
of the more cunning monkeys.Copy !req
259. But after living on Earth,Copy !req
260. I can tell you that I am,
if anything, too merciful.Copy !req
261. My God, he's become evil.Copy !req
262. I mean, eviler.Copy !req
263. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
264. And if you enjoyed that diatribeCopy !req
265. then you'll want to purchase
my spoken-word album.Copy !req
266. Just $18.95.Copy !req
267. Act now and you'll get
this Bender action figurine.Copy !req
268. Bite my shiny metal ass.Copy !req
269. Got to have it! Right here!Copy !req
270. Over here!Copy !req
271. Let the hunt begin!Copy !req
272. Now, your basic human
is between three and 25 feet tallCopy !req
273. and is made of a hairy,
oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt.Copy !req
274. Is it true they bite your neck
and suck your transmission fluidCopy !req
275. and then you become a human?Copy !req
276. Sure, why not.Copy !req
277. Anything in the trap?Copy !req
278. Nothing.Copy !req
279. Today's active humans
prefer a low-calorie bait.Copy !req
280. Well, that makes 146,000
unsuccessful hunts in a rowCopy !req
281. but I've got a good feeling
about tomorrow.Copy !req
282. Wait. What's that?Copy !req
283. Oh, that's the old,
abandoned adult bookstore.Copy !req
284. Nothing in there, except maybeCopy !req
285. a few shreds of moldy,
old robot pornography.Copy !req
286. Hmm.Copy !req
287. Sounds like a breeding ground for humans.Copy !req
288. I better check it out.Copy !req
289. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
290. You're a bad girl, aren't you?Copy !req
291. - Psst! Bender.
- Wha-what?Copy !req
292. Oh, you?Copy !req
293. What the hell are you doing here?Copy !req
294. We've been looking for you.Copy !req
295. Last we heard, you were
under arrest as a human sympathizer.Copy !req
296. I was, but they let me go when I told them
I killed a million billion humans.Copy !req
297. Good for you.Copy !req
298. Now, let's all get back to the ship.Copy !req
299. - What for?
- We're rescuing you.Copy !req
300. I don't want to be rescued.Copy !req
301. - Say what?
- I love this planet.Copy !req
302. I've got wealth, fame and accessCopy !req
303. to the depths of sleaze
that those things bring.Copy !req
304. But, Bender, we're your friends.Copy !req
305. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit.Copy !req
306. I'm just a machine to you.Copy !req
307. You're no more friends with me
than you are with the toaster,Copy !req
308. or the phonograph, or the electric chair.Copy !req
309. That's not true.Copy !req
310. Well, that's how it feels to me.Copy !req
311. Bye, Bender. I'll miss you.Copy !req
312. Oh, go on.Copy !req
313. Get out of here before you get caught.Copy !req
314. Bender, good news.
Your album just went gold.Copy !req
315. - What the...
- It's the humans!Copy !req
316. Bender, do something!Copy !req
317. Uh, got you, you murderous flesh-piles.Copy !req
318. Your honor, I intend to demonstrateCopy !req
319. beyond 0.5 percent of a doubtCopy !req
320. that these humans before us
are guilty of the crime of being humans.Copy !req
321. Come to think of it, I rest my case.Copy !req
322. Thank you, prosecutor.Copy !req
323. I will now consider the evidence.Copy !req
324. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
325. Isn't anyone going to defend us?Copy !req
326. Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case
but I'm genuinely not a human.Copy !req
327. Quiet, human!Copy !req
328. Uh-oh. He froze up again.Copy !req
329. Try control-alt-delete.Copy !req
330. Jiggle the cord.Copy !req
331. Turn him off and on.Copy !req
332. Clean the gunk out of the mouse.Copy !req
333. Call technical support.Copy !req
334. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.Copy !req
335. I find the defendants guilty.Copy !req
336. No! Look, one eye.Copy !req
337. Count them. One. Not human.Copy !req
338. The humans are hereby sentenced
to live as robots live on Earth.Copy !req
339. They will perform tedious calculationsCopy !req
340. and spot-weld automobiles
until they become obsoleteCopy !req
341. and are given away
to an inner-city middle school.Copy !req
342. Great work, Bender.Copy !req
343. You've taught us to hate humans
all over again.Copy !req
344. - Are you all right?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
345. Who are you?Copy !req
346. We are the robot elders.Copy !req
347. You don't look very old.Copy !req
348. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves.Copy !req
349. - What's going on here?
- Silence! Bring in Bender.Copy !req
350. Uh, let's make this quick.Copy !req
351. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall.Copy !req
352. Hey! What is this?Copy !req
353. Silence.
It is time to put the humans to death.Copy !req
354. But the judge already sentenced us
at the trial.Copy !req
355. Silence.
That was just a show for the public.Copy !req
356. We are the true rulers of this planet.Copy !req
357. Hand-carved from meteorites
by the robot foundersCopy !req
358. over four centuries ago.Copy !req
359. Silence! Come forward, Bender.Copy !req
360. You will have the honor
of executing the prisoners.Copy !req
361. Silence! I concur.Copy !req
362. Here... Use the ceremonial killamajig.Copy !req
363. Uh... I'm a little tired right now.Copy !req
364. Would it be all right
if I just gave them a savage beating?Copy !req
365. No! The elders have spoken.Copy !req
366. Show us the killing skillsCopy !req
367. that have made you a media darling.Copy !req
368. Do it now. Kill them
before they bring down our whole society.Copy !req
369. Do it. Do it. Do it.Copy !req
370. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.Copy !req
371. Do it. Do it. Do it.Copy !req
372. Do it. Do it. Do it.Copy !req
373. Oh...Copy !req
374. I can't kill them.Copy !req
375. Plenty of humans have mistreated robotsCopy !req
376. but not these two.Copy !req
377. They're my friends.Copy !req
378. Humans are no threat to us.Copy !req
379. They're stupid, putrid cowards.Copy !req
380. Damn right!Copy !req
381. The fact is,
humans are completely harmless.Copy !req
382. We're well aware of that.Copy !req
383. - You are?
- Of course.Copy !req
384. But they're useful to us as a scapegoatCopy !req
385. to distract the public
from their real problems.Copy !req
386. Like our crippling lug nut shortage.Copy !req
387. And a corrupt government
of incompetent robot elders.Copy !req
388. Duh... That's for sure.Copy !req
389. Quiet, Jimmy.Copy !req
390. Well, I'm glad we got all that out
in the open.Copy !req
391. We'll just let ourselves out.Copy !req
392. Silence! You all know too much.Copy !req
393. Elders, execute function
control-shift-kill.Copy !req
394. Stop!Copy !req
395. Take one more step
and I'll breathe fire on you!Copy !req
396. He'll do it. He's crazy.Copy !req
397. Can they really breathe fire
or did we make that up?Copy !req
398. Gee, I can't remember anymore.Copy !req
399. It might just be from that stupid movie.Copy !req
400. Was that original or the remake?Copy !req
401. I don't... Hey! They're getting away!Copy !req
402. Yep.Copy !req
403. So long, suckers.Copy !req
404. Uh... Hello, suckers.Copy !req
405. Hey, hold on a second.
I forgot to deliver the package.Copy !req
406. Whoa!Copy !req
407. Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!Copy !req
408. Hooray for the humans!Copy !req
409. Wow, I can't believe
you guys did all this for me.Copy !req
410. This is the best Robanukah ever.Copy !req
411. We wanted to show you that
we really do respect your robot heritage.Copy !req
412. Aw, thanks.Copy !req
413. You do know that I made Robanukah up
to get out of work, right?Copy !req
414. Of course.Copy !req
415. But that doesn't make it
any less meaningful.Copy !req
416. In that case...Copy !req
417. Let the dancing begin!Copy !req
418. Hey, you guys are good.Copy !req
419. How the hell do you do that?Copy !req