Futurama 1x2

Directed by Peter Avanzino

For the crew's first mission, they must deliver a crate full of toys for an arcade game to the moon. Fry is very excited, while it is not really a big deal in the year 3000. Fry tries to persuade Leela to go exploring on the moon, while Amy tries to recover the keys to the Planet Express Ship.

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1. As new employees, I'd like your opinion on our commercial.

2. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl.

3. - Wow. - Not on the same channel, of course.

4. Interplanetary deliveries... What a headache.

5. Evans, where is that package from earth?

6. Uh...

7. I'm not Evans!

8. He should have used Planet Express.

9. When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go,

10. trust Planet Express for reliable, on-time delivery.

11. Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob.

12. Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here.

13. Thank you, sir.

14. Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable,

15. your package isn't.

16. Are there really giant birds like that?

17. No, no, that was all just special effects.

18. Now, let's have breakfast.

19. I hope everyone likes eggs.

20. I'm never going to get used to the 31st century.

21. Caffeinated bacon?

22. Baconated grapefruit?

23. Admiral Crunch?

24. Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

25. Ah, Hermes.

26. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad.

27. He manages my delivery business.

28. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.

29. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night.

30. Now, which one of you is the captain?

31. Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet.

32. It's always so hard to choose.

33. Ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh!

34. Mmm... You.

35. Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release

36. protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen.

37. - "Death by airlock failure." - Mm-hmm.

38. - "Death by brain parasite." - Ya.

39. "Death by sonic diarrhea."

40. Oh, you don't want that.

41. Look, I don't know about your previous captains,

42. but I intend to do as little dying as possible.

43. Sign the paper.

44. And now, Fry, before you go into space

45. you'll need to see our staff doctor.

46. I should warn you, though, he's a little unusual.

47. He wears sandals.

48. Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy.

49. He needs a physical.

50. Excellent, excellent.

51. You'll be fine.

52. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain.

53. No, no, no, not that mouth.

54. I only have one.

55. Really?

56. Uh... Is there a human doctor around?

57. Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

58. Now pick a mouth, open it, and say...

59. Uh...

60. What? My mother was a saint!

61. Get out!

62. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.

63. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck.

64. Amy, why don't you give his body

65. a going-over with the cleaning pick?

66. Okay.

67. Does it hurt when I go like this?

68. Ow!

69. A little.

70. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab.

71. Can I go into space now?

72. As soon as we finish cleaning Bender.

73. Oh, and Fry...

74. This is our intern, Amy Wong.

75. She's an engineering student of mine.

76. I like having her around

77. because she has the same blood type as me.

78. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right?

79. Last time I checked.

80. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs?

81. Look, we're not as rich as everybody says.

82. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to?

83. Kappa Kappa Wong.

84. Hey, rich girl!

85. Look over here. It's me, Bender.

86. I'm being entertaining.

87. La-la-la, look at my head

88. It's okay to look at my head

89. I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

90. All right, show's over. I'm tired.

91. Ah, to be young again...

92. And also a robot.

93. Oh! Now, as I recall,

94. you youngsters have a package to deliver.

95. Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey.

96. Nice catch, idiot.

97. So, where are we going anyway?

98. Nowhere special, the moon.

99. The moo... The moon?

100. The moon moon?

101. Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong

102. and those other brave guys no one ever heard of.

103. Oh! I love stuff like the moon.

104. Can I come, Leela?

105. Well... I guess so.

106. Just be careful.

107. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups

108. until at least my second day as captain.

109. Nothing will go wrong.

110. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

111. Can I do the countdown?

112. Huh? Oh, sure.

113. Knock yourself out.

114. Ten, nine...

115. Okay, we're here.

116. eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

117. Hurry up. I want to see the moon.

118. Relax, it's open till 9:00.

119. That's one small step for Fry...

120. And one giant line for admission.

121. Wow!

122. Um... Can I have cuts?

123. Hmm... Mmm...

124. No!

125. You're not going to believe this,

126. but they landed an amusement park on the moon.

127. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting earth.

128. Let's go already.

129. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

130. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.

131. Too much work.

132. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

133. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid...

134. I had more, but you go ahead.

135. We'll deliver that crate like professionals

136. and then we'll go home.

137. But I've never been to the moon before.

138. Oh, all right.

139. We'll deliver that crate like professionals

140. And then we'll go ride the bumper cars.

141. Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate?

142. Then lock up when you're done.

143. Just be careful.

144. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye.

145. I mean, yes, sir... um, ma'am.

146. - Clear? - Clear.

147. - Ready to hoist? - Ready.

148. Ow!

149. My first space delivery.

150. Greetings, moon man.

151. We come in peace.

152. I am Fry, from the planet Earth.

153. Wise guy, huh?

154. If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

155. But you are lazy, right?

156. Oh, don't get me started.

157. Hi! I'm Craterface.

158. Welcome to Luna Park.

159. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir.

160. Better mascots than you have tried.

161. At least I still have my self-respect.

162. - Ugh, who buys this trash?

163. Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

164. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets.

165. Get it off. Get it off!

166. Get it... Uh-oh.

167. How many roads must a man walk down

168. Before you...

169. Keep those things off of me.

170. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

171. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?

172. Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy

173. to want to be a folk singer.

174. We're whalers on the moon, we carry a harpoon

175. But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales

176. And sing our whaling tune

177. Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

178. Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

179. Monsanto presents...

180. The Goophy Gopher Revue.

181. Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?

182. Because it's a little "meteor."

183. This is weak.

184. Address all complaints to the Monsanto corporation.

185. What's wrong, Fry?

186. I don't know.

187. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial.

188. The gravity, the air, the gophers.

189. You might as well stay on earth.

190. That's what I came to see.

191. I want to go out there and jump around like an astronaut.

192. Screw this phony stuff.

193. But the phony stuff is what's fun.

194. It's boring out there.

195. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits Jerusalem

196. and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

197. Maybe I should take Fry on the Lunar Rover Ride.

198. You get to wear a space suit and drive around on the surface

199. And the line's short because it's educational.

200. I don't care how educational it is.

201. Let's do it!

202. Next year in Jerusalem!

203. Two adults, please.

204. Finally, get ready for some serious moon action.

205. The story of lunar exploration

206. started with one man... A man with a dream.

207. One of these days, Alice.

208. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon!

209. Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.

210. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian.

211. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

212. Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball.

213. - Hmm? - Look, it's that crate

214. we were going to throw in the sewer.

215. The keys to the ship!

216. They must have fallen into the crate.

217. Leela's going to kill me.

218. Nah. She'll probably make me do it.

219. Mister, could you please get those keys out for me?

220. What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

221. No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the moon.

222. - I do. - But our fungineers think

223. It might have happened something like this.

224. We're whalers on the moon

225. We carry a harpoon

226. But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales

227. And sing a whaling tune

228. That's not how it happened.

229. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

230. This is stupid.

231. I'm taking this thing out to the real moon.

232. Fry, no. This is my first mission

233. and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble.

234. Besides, the car's on a track.

235. Not for long.

236. We're whalers...

237. Oh! Ow!

238. I died doing what I loved.

239. Okay, you're on the surface.

240. Now, I'll give you ten minutes.

241. then you'll get bored, turn around

242. and apologize for being such a jerk.

243. - Agreed? - Agreed.

244. Yee-ha!

245. Yeah! Crank up the radio!

246. - We're whalers on the...

247. Yee-ha!

248. Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater.

249. No, not yet.

250. How about we go look for the original moon landing site?

251. That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries.

252. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

253. Ooh.

254. Uh... I'm ready to go back now.

255. We're going to die! It's every man for himself!

256. Help me, Leela!

257. Whoo!

258. You did it.

259. We're safe.

260. No. Now we're going to die.

261. It's every man for himself!

262. Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket.

263. Shut up. You're distracting me.

264. Come on, it's just like making love.

265. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees

266. Engage rotor.

267. I know how to make love.

268. Here, let me do it.

269. Oh, lousy arm must be rigged.

270. That's her, officers.

271. That's the woman who programmed me for evil.

272. Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park

273. With blackjack and hookers.

274. In fact, forget the park.

275. I'm sorry, Leela.

276. I can't go on any further.

277. Just leave me to die in that barn over there.

278. Oh, thank God.

279. Trespassers, eh?

280. No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.

281. Ooh, that's a wicked, sinful place.

282. Tilt-a-whirl's okay, but the rest is mighty wicked.

283. Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen.

284. Can we borrow some?

285. "Borry?" Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees.

286. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm.

287. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup.

288. I guess we could do chores for a few hours.

289. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon.

290. Yep. Drops down to minus 173.

291. Fahrenheit or Celsius?

292. First one, then the other.

293. And them space suits ain't a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

294. You can sleep in the barn.

295. Just don't be a-touchin'

296. my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear?

297. Robot daughters?

298. This here's Lulabelle 7...

299. Yoo-hoo.

300. Daisy Mae 128-K...

301. Yoo-hoo.

302. And the Crushinator.

303. Yoo-hoo.

304. Whoa!

305. I told you to turn around and go back to the park.

306. But, oh, no. The park was too phony.

307. We had to see the real moon.

308. And it was great.

309. We got to see craters and rocks

310. and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater

311. And... And these fellas.

312. Fry, face it, the moon is a dump.

313. It's a boring dried-up wasteland.

314. And the only reason anybody ever comes here

315. is for the tacky little amusement park.

316. Can't you just accept that?

317. I guess I can't.

318. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

319. He'll never find me in here.

320. Bender?

321. Ugh. Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you?

322. Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

323. Oh, no, you don't.

324. Come here, Crushinator.

325. Yes, Pa.

326. - It's too low! - Hang on.

327. Hang on. Jump!

328. Hold on to your helmet.

329. Whoa!

330. - Yes! - Oh, boy.

331. Goldurn it, Crushinator, jump!

332. No, Pa. I love him.

333. Oh!

334. Hey, cool. Dark side of the moon.

335. Nightfall's coming.

336. Hurry, before we freeze.

337. What do you mean we, mammal?

338. Oh, dear.

339. I really ought to do something.

340. But I'm already in my pajamas.

341. We can't outrun it forever.

342. Over there. Look!

343. It's the moon landing site.

344. We found it.

345. Quick, get in.

346. It's that flag from MTV.

347. And Neil Armstrong's footprint.

348. Hey, my foot's bigger.

349. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen?

350. Fry, look around.

351. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

352. Now, get in here before you freeze.

353. Oh, no room for Bender, huh?

354. Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander

355. With blackjack and hookers.

356. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack.

357. Ah, screw the whole thing.

358. Well, if the oxygen holds out,

359. we might live long enough to starve to death.

360. Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here.

361. That's right. You shouldn't have.

362. I still don't get what the big attraction is.

363. I never told anybody this

364. but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the moon

365. and dream about being an astronaut.

366. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance.

367. Plus, I threw up a lot

368. and nobody likes spending a week with me.

369. A week would be a little much.

370. The moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing

371. hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it

372. no matter how much you wanted to.

373. But you're right.

374. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock.

375. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes

376. The way I used to.

377. Fry, look.

378. It really is beautiful.

379. I don't know why I never noticed before.

380. Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot?

381. Well, I got you this time.

382. It's Amy. We're saved.

383. Amy?

384. Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

385. Not the magnet.

386. No! No! No!

387. Uh-oh.

388. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes

389. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes

390. I'll kill you, Amy!

391. She'll be coming around the mountain

392. She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be...

393. Ah, dang it.

394. She'll be riding six white horses when she comes

395. She'll be riding six whitehorses when she comes

396. Hey, I'm pretty good.

397. She'll be riding six white horses

398. So, Fry, was the real moon

399. anything like the moon you used to dream about?

400. - Uh... Close enough.

401. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

402. Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

403. Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun Oh, I'llshoot her with my ray-gun

404. Yes, I'll shoot her withmy ray-gun when she comes, when she comes

405. I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

406. I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

407. I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans

408. I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

409. In the world

410. One more time!