1. Hey, Rach, listen.
Did you know that during pregnancy...
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2. your fingers swell up to twice
their size and never go back?
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3. Oh, my God. Let me see that.
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4. You fall for it every time.
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5. Hey. Look, I brought you
my old maternity clothes.
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6. Oh, Pheebs, that's so sweet.
Oh, those are so cute.
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7. And look. See how they expand
as the baby grows?
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8. And then after the baby's born,
they're great for shoplifting melons.
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9. Oh, good, you're all here.
Okay, Thanksgiving tomorrow, 4:00.
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10. Oh. And guess who I invited? Remember
that guy Will Culvert from high school?
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11. - No.
- He was in Ross' class.
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12. Marching band, was kind of overweight.
Well, really overweight.
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13. I mean, I was his thin friend.
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14. Wow, I don't remember him.
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15. Are you sure you're not talking about
your imaginary boyfriend?
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16. No, that was Jared.
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17. Wow. Haven't thought about him
in a long time.
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18. Anyway, um, Will's here on business...
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19. and he didn't have a place to go
so I invited him here.
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20. Oh, that's nice.
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21. Oh, by the way,
he's lost a bunch of weight.
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22. I mean, he looks good.
Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous.
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23. - I still love Chandler.
- Wouldn't hurt you to say it once in a while.
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24. Okay, also, just so you know,
I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.
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25. - What?
- Well, Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.
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26. - Phoebe.
- Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals.
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27. No, they're not.
They're ugly and stupid and delicious.
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28. All right, it's not just Phoebe.
Will's still on a diet...
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29. Chandler doesn't eat
Thanksgiving food...
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30. and Rachel's having
her aversion to poultry.
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31. She is?
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32. Yeah, remember I had to leave
the other day when you had that chicken?
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33. I thought that was just because
I put the whole thing on my hand...
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34. and made it walk across the table.
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35. It just doesn't seem worth it to make
a whole turkey for three people.
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36. It's a lot of work.
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37. But you gotta have turkey
on Thanksgiving.
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38. I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey
is like Fourth of July with no apple pie.
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39. Or Friday with no two pizzas.
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40. All right, fine, if it means that much to you,
but there's gonna be a ton left over.
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41. No, there won't.
I promise I will finish that turkey.
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42. All right, you're telling me you can eat
almost an entire turkey in one sitting?
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43. That's right. Because I'm a Tribbiani.
This is what we do.
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44. We may not be great thinkers
or world leaders.
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45. We don't read a lot or run very fast,
but damn it, we can eat.
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46. Four wide receivers. On third and 18.
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47. Hey, isn't it weird to think about
how next year at this time...
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48. there'll be a little baby at the table?
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49. Rachel's.
But good to know where you're at.
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50. - Hey.
Hey.
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51. - Happy Thanksgiving.
- You too.
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52. - Anything I can do to help?
- Actually, there is.
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53. Chandler usually helps but he's into
the game so I don't wanna bother him.
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54. - Could you help me fold these napkins?
- Sure.
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55. I'm gonna go across the hall
to check on the yams.
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56. - Okay.
- No, no, no, sweetie. No, not like that.
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57. We're not at a barn dance.
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58. You wanna fold them like swans.
Like I showed you at Christmas, remember?
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59. Yeah, it all just came
screaming back to me.
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60. - So how's the game?
- I have no idea.
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61. What?
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62. Yeah, I'm just pretending to watch the game
so I don't have to help out with stuff.
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63. I don't believe you. That is brilliant.
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64. - And Monica has no idea?
- Nope.
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65. Every once in a while
I just yell and scream stuff at the TV.
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66. Hey, what...? Hey!
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67. - Is your team winning, hon?
- Oh, yeah. Anderson just scored again.
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68. There's no Anderson.
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69. Oh, I wanna get in on this. Hey, Mon?
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70. I don't think I can't help you after all.
I didn't realize this game was on.
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71. - Oh. I didn't know you liked football.
- Well, normally, I don't.
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72. But, you know, Green Bay is playing.
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73. - You like Green Bay?
- Well, it's only like my favorite bay.
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74. - Hey.
- Hey.
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75. - Happy Thanksgiving.
- Aw, thanks.
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76. God, Will, I'm so glad that you came.
You just... You look great.
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77. You must've lost like...
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78. A hundred and fifty pounds.
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79. Yeah, I'm gonna be in one of those
Subway sandwich commercials.
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80. - A pie.
- Right. Uh, it's no fat, no sugar, no dairy.
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81. - It's no good. Throw it out.
- You wanna meet some people?
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82. This is, uh, my husband, Chandler.
Chandler, this is Will.
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83. Oh, hey. I'd shake your hand but, uh,
I'm really into the game.
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84. Plus, I think it'd be better for my ego
if we didn't stand right next to each other.
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85. - This is Phoebe.
- Hi.
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86. Hey. Wow.
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87. Well done.
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88. - Wanna give me a hand?
- Sure.
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89. Monica, I can't get over how great
you look. You look stunning.
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90. - You look incredible too. You're just so fit.
- I'm watching the game but I'm not deaf.
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91. Oh, um, I meant to tell you,
Ross is coming.
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92. Ross is coming. Great, I love Ross.
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93. Well, good. And Rachel Green too.
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94. Oh.
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95. - Is there a problem?
- Nope. Uh, it's okay.
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96. It's just, uh...
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97. God, I hated her.
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98. - What?
- I hated her.
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99. She was horrible to me in high school.
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100. But hey, that was a long time ago.
I'm in a good place.
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101. It might be actually fun to see her again.
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102. Got any cakes or cookies or something?
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103. No, Will. No.
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104. You know, it's been a while since we
screamed something. Maybe we should.
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105. - Oh, okay. No!
- Oh, come on!
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106. Damn you, ref. You burn in hell!
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107. Hey, what are you doing?
You gotta save room.
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108. You've got almost an entire turkey to eat.
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109. Let me explain to you
how the human body works.
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110. I have to warm up my stomach first.
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111. - Eating chips is like stretching.
- Okay.
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112. - Don't worry, Tribbianis never get full.
- I actually know what you're talking about.
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113. And I'm here to tell you something.
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114. You can eat and eat and eat,
but nothing will ever fill that void.
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115. - Who the hell is this guy?
- This is Will, from high school.
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116. - Oh, hey.
- Hello.
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117. - Will.
Ross.
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118. Hey, you came.
Man, you look incredible. Hot stuff.
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119. - Hot stuff?
- It's good to see you, man.
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120. Yeah, you too.
Man, so, what are you up to?
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121. - I'm a commodities broker.
- Really? That sounds interesting.
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122. - Yeah, it's not.
- Oh.
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123. - But I'm rich and thin.
- Oh, hey.
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124. Man, I don't think I've seen you since, uh,
Lance Davis' graduation party.
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125. - That was such a fun night.
- Yeah.
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126. Would've been good if we had gotten in,
but still, real fun.
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127. God, we were lame back then. Do you
remember how into dinosaurs we were?
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128. - Yeah.
- So, what do you do now?
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129. So how long are you in town?
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130. - Hi.
Hey, sweetie. Oh, good.
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131. Rachel Green.
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132. Oh, oh, that's right.
Are you gonna be okay?
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133. Oh, I'll be fine. It's just...
God, I hate her, Ross. I hate her.
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134. Will, high school was a long time ago.
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135. Look at her standing there
with those yams.
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136. My two greatest enemies, Ross:
Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.
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137. Oh, my God, Monica. Who is that?
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138. - That's Will, from high school.
- Ah. I do not remember him.
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139. Wow, really got that
sexy smoldering thing going on.
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140. Oh, my God. Look at the way
he's just staring at me.
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141. I think he's trying to mouth something
to me, but I can't make it out.
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142. I hate you.
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143. - Okay, dinner's ready.
- Okay.
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144. - Yeah. Solid effort. Solid effort.
- Oh, so who won?
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145. - Green Bay.
- Detroit.
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146. - What?
- Well, the Lions technically won.
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147. But it was a moral victory
for the Green Bay Mermen.
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148. - Hi. Will, right?
- Right.
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149. Right, hi. I'm Rachel Green.
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150. - Oh, I remember you.
- Really? Aren't you sweet?
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151. I gotta tell you though,
I'm having the hardest time placing you.
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152. Oh, oh, hang on. I think I remember you.
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153. Did we, um...? Did we fool around
at Lance Davis' graduation party?
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154. - You are unbelievable.
- Thank you.
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155. Uh, Rachel? Why don't you sit here?
And, Will, you sit way over there.
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156. That's it? Even if nobody helps me,
I can eat that, no problem.
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157. At least give me a challenge.
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158. This is Chandler's chicken.
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159. This is the turkey.
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160. Oh. How big is that?
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161. - About 19 pounds.
- It's like me when I was born.
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162. All right, who would, uh, like some yams?
Will?
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163. Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
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164. What? Oh, you know what?
Can we please keep the chicken...
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165. and the turkey and everything
on the other side?
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166. - The smell is just... Yuck.
- Typical. Ahem.
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167. - I'm sorry, what?
- I said it was typical.
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168. Typical of you, Rachel Green.
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169. Queen Rachel, does whatever she wants
in her little Rachel-land.
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170. Seriously, who is this guy?
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171. Um, ahem, sorry,
do you have a problem with me?
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172. - I don't know. Do I? Do I?
- I think you do.
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173. Apparently you were a little mean to him
in high school.
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174. - A little mean? You made my life miserable.
- I had no idea. I'm sorry.
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175. Well, you should be.
Screw it. Bring on the yams.
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176. Will, but you've worked so hard.
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177. - Yams!
- Okay.
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178. Uh, Will, I just wanna say that I'm real sorry
for whatever I did to you in high school.
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179. Oh, it wasn't just me. We had a club.
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180. - You had a club?
- That's right.
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181. The "I Hate Rachel Green Club."
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182. Oh, my God. So, what,
you all just joined together to hate me?
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183. - Who else was in this club?
- Me and Ross.
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184. No need to point.
She knows who Ross is.
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185. - So you were in an "I Hate Rachel" club?
- Yes, he was.
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186. No, no.
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187. So who else was in this club?
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188. Uh, actually, there was also that
exchange student from Thailand.
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189. But I don't think he knew what it was.
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190. So, Ross, we went out for two years
and you never told me...
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191. you were in an "I Hate Rachel Club."
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192. You went out with her? We had a pact.
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193. It was in high school.
It's not like it was binding forever.
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194. Then why did it have
the word "eternity" in it?
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195. Okay, Monica, did you know about this?
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196. I swear I didn't. Hey, is that why you guys...
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197. used to go up to your bedroom
and lock the door?
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198. Yeah.
- Huh. A little relieved, I gotta say.
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199. Look, Rach, I'm sorry, okay?
I was a stupid kid, okay?
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200. The only reason I joined...
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201. - Cofounded.
- Cofounded.
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202. Cofounded the club,
was that I was insanely in love with you.
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203. Obviously I didn't handle it very well...
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204. but if you think about it,
the "I Hate Rachel Club"...
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205. was really the "I Love Rachel Club."
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206. Uh, except that it was really
the "I Hate Rachel Club."
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207. Okay, so, what, you guys would just get
together and say mean things about me?
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208. - Well, we did a little more than that.
- No, no. No, no. No, no. Heh.
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209. What? What else did you do?
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210. - We started a rumor.
- What rumor?
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211. Oh, come on, Will.
Just take off your shirt and tell us.
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212. - Ross?
- Ugh, it was no big deal.
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213. Uh, we... We said that...
The rumor was that, um...
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214. you had both male and female
reproductive parts.
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215. Ha!
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216. - What?
- That's right.
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217. We said your parents flipped a coin...
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218. decided to raise you as a girl,
but you still had a hint of a penis.
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219. - Oh, my God.
- You started that?
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220. - What, you heard that?
- Everyone at our school heard it.
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221. Everybody at my school heard it.
You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader?
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222. Oh, no.
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223. Oh, my God, this is all making
so much sense to me now.
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224. This is why Adam Carter
wouldn't go out with me.
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225. This is why Billy Tratt
would just stay in this region.
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226. Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now,
so that one's not really our fault.
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227. - Monica, how come you never told me this?
- I thought it might be true.
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228. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry
and then show it to me.
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229. Joey, stop staring. There's nothing there.
It's not true.
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230. - I'm afraid I'm gonna need proof.
- Oh...
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231. You are my Everest.
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232. - Joey, you don't have to finish that.
- Oh, yes, I do. Otherwise, what's next?
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233. Today I'm just a guy
who can't finish a turkey...
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234. but tomorrow I'm the guy
who eats half a Power Bar...
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235. wraps up the rest and puts it
in the fridge? No.
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236. I just gotta change my pants.
What was I thinking? Jeans have no give.
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237. Okay. Okay. Listen to what Sean McMahon
wrote in my yearbook senior year.
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238. "Dear Rach, you're such a great person."
Not girl, "person."
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239. Rach, I think you're reading
a little too much into it.
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240. "Dear Rach, you're a great person.
Sorry about your teeny weenie."
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241. What do you want me to do...
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242. call everyone in the entire school
and tell them it wasn't true?
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243. - Yes.
- Could you also tell them I'm skinny now?
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244. Oh. Me too.
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245. Now, look, I'm not calling anybody, okay?
It was like a million years ago.
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246. I don't care how long ago it was.
You told people that I was half and half.
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247. You know what? I just wanna point out...
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248. I never did anything to hurt you
in high school.
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249. That's not totally true.
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250. - What?
- What?
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251. Well, you did start that rumor
about Ross...
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252. making out with Mrs. Altmann,
our 50-year-old librarian.
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253. How did you know that?
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254. - It's true?
- No.
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255. Yes, it is. I saw you guys going at it
behind the card catalog.
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256. Mrs. Altmann? She also made out...
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257. with Ta-Taka-Ki-Kek the night
before he went back to Thailand.
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258. I'm sorry, when you were in high school
you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
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259. - Hey, she didn't look 50.
- Did she look 16?
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260. Oh, there's a picture of her
in the yearbook actually.
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261. Oh.
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262. - Wow.
- She didn't photograph well.
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263. She probably wasn't familiar
with the process...
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264. having spent most of her life
sitting for oil paintings.
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265. So how did this happen?
Did she lure you to an early-bird dinner?
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266. I was working late in the library
one afternoon.
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267. It was just the two of us.
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268. She needed some help
with her word jumble.
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269. And one thing led to another.
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270. If you must know,
Anita was very gentle and tender.
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271. May she rest in peace.
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272. - Didn't she walk with a cane?
- Only when it was damp.
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273. I can't believe you told people about this.
Everybody knew?
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274. - You know what? I'm back in the club.
- Yeah!
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275. - I wanna join.
- What...? Phoebe?
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276. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never got to be
in a club. I didn't go to high school.
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277. But three of us would meet
behind a Dumpster to learn French.
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278. All right, you know, fine,
you guys can have your stupid little club.
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279. But I would just like to say what you did
to me is way worse than what I did to you.
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280. - You gave me a teeny weenie.
- Ha, ha, yeah.
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281. All right, listen. You're just being silly.
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282. Rachel, even with that rumor you were
one of the most popular girls in school.
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283. Everyone wanted to be like you.
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284. One girl wanted to be like you so much,
she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll.
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285. Wow.
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286. And, Ross,
if it weren't for Rachel's rumor...
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287. I mean, no one in high school
would have even known who you were.
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288. - She put you on the map.
- As a romancer of the elderly.
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289. Hey, Mrs. Altmann was the kind of woman
you could tell she used to be pretty.
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290. The eyes did still sparkle.
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291. Hey, guys, this stuff is so way in the past.
You've been through so much since then.
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292. And right now, you got so much more
important stuff going on in your lives.
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293. Can't you just let this go?
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294. She's right.
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295. Yeah, I mean,
we are having a baby together.
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296. Hold on.
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297. - You got her pregnant?
- Yeah.
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298. - Are you getting married?
- No.
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299. So you knocked her up
but you're not gonna marry her.
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300. Dude.
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301. - Anybody?
- Okay.
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302. It's exactly how I imagined it would be.
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303. All right, where's that turkey?
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304. - Joey, those are my maternity pants.
- No, these are my Thanksgiving pants.
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305. Well, that's it. I'm done.
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306. Whew.
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307. Here come the meat sweats.
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308. Well, Joey, we're all very proud of you.
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309. Yes, I believe we can expect a call
from the president any moment now.
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310. - Is there anything we can do for you?
- No, just nobody press on my stomach.
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311. You can keep those pants, by the way.
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312. What...? What do you got there?
What is that, pie?
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313. - Heh. Yeah, you want some?
- Just cut me a little sliver.
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314. A little bigger.
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315. Little bigger.
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316. What, are you afraid you're gonna run out?
Cut me a real piece.
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