1. Oh, my God, you cleaned!
Look at these floors!
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2. You did the windows!
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3. I have been begging for months
and you did, you cleaned!
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4. - And nagging works!
- No, uh, I didn't actually do this.
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5. Oh, no. Was I cleaning
in my sleep again?
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6. No, it wasn't you.
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7. - Well, then, who?
- I got a maid. Yay!
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8. Oh, well, I hope by "maid,"
you mean "mistress"...
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9. because if some other woman
was cleaning...
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10. Now, honey, I know you don't like
to relinquish control.
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11. "Relinquish" is just
a fancy word for "lose."
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12. Look, she's really nice, okay?
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13. And she mentioned that she adored
the way that you arranged the sponges.
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14. Did she really say that?
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15. Yes, I distinctly remember
because I thought it was a joke.
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16. - Now, just give her a chance, okay?
- Fine, I can do it.
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17. Whoo.
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18. - What's the matter?
- Usually when I'm anxious, I clean.
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19. Whose cell phone is that?
It's just so annoying.
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20. - Everywhere you go.
- I think it's coming from your bag.
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21. I never get calls!
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22. Hello?
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23. Hi, it's Eric, from the Halloween
party. Ursula's fiancé.
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24. Oh, my God, Eric, hi!
Wait, how'd you get this number?
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25. I have a friend who's a cop,
and he got it.
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26. Wow. What an incredible violation
and wonderful surprise!
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27. I just... I thought you should know
I broke up with Ursula.
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28. Oh, you did?
He did it, he did it!
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29. - Wow, what did he do?
- Shh! I'm talking.
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30. Anyway, I was wondering...
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31. if you were the sort of person
who eats lunch?
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32. Are you asking me out?
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33. Because it'd be weird since you
just broke up with my sister.
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34. Yeah, um, okay.
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35. I'm sorry. Bye.
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36. No, wait! I was just saying that
so you'd think I was a good person.
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37. Fight for me!
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38. Uh, I won't take no for an answer.
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39. Not great, we can work on it at lunch.
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40. Okay, um, I can be at your apartment
in two hours.
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41. Great. Uh, how do you know where I live?
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42. I've got friends too.
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43. - Okay, bye.
- Bye.
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44. Oh, my God, I'm going out with Eric!
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45. Oh, this day is gonna be much better
than I thought it was gonna be. Heh.
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46. Oh, Ross, I can't make lunch.
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47. So apparently I'm available
for lunch.
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48. Can't, I'm busy. I'm apartment hunting.
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49. You're moving?
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50. I can't live with Joey
once the baby comes.
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51. I don't want my child's first words
to be, "How you doing?"
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52. So does Joey know you're moving?
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53. I haven't discussed it,
but he's gonna be relieved.
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54. Last week he brought this girl over...
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55. and I started talking to her
about morning sickness.
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56. Then I showed her pictures
from my pregnancy book.
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57. - That's not really porn.
- Not so much.
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58. You know what?
If you're looking for a place...
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59. I heard in the elevator this morning
that a woman in my building died.
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60. Oh, my God. Was she old?
Does she have a view?
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61. Well I don't know.
But how great would that be, huh?
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62. You living in my building?
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63. I could take care of the baby,
I could come over whenever I want...
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64. with your permission.
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65. - That really would be great.
- Yeah.
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66. Well, can we see it?
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67. Oh, maybe we shouldn't. If she
just died this morning. Out of respect.
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68. Yeah. No. No, you're right.
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69. - Shall we?
- Yeah.
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70. - Yes?
- Hi. I'm Ross Geller.
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71. I live in the building.
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72. And I'm Rachel,
an admirer of the building.
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73. I heard about Mrs. Verhoeven passing
away, and I am so sorry for your loss.
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74. - She didn't pass away.
- What?
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75. - My mother's still alive.
- Oh, thank God!
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76. It looked like we were gonna lose her
this morning...
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77. but she's a tough old bird.
Aww.
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78. Are you close with her?
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79. Of course. Heh.
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80. Uh, yeah.
She and I would talk all the time...
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81. in the laundry room.
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82. You speak Dutch?
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83. You know, I would,
but it's just too painful.
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84. So she's really not dead.
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85. - No. She's hanging in there.
- Mm.
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86. Do you think...? Could you tell me, is she
hanging in in a one-bedroom or a two?
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87. Mrs. Bing, this tile cleaner is incredible.
Where did you get it?
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88. Oh, well, um, I make it myself.
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89. It's two parts ammonia and one part
lemon juice. The secret ingredient is...
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90. You know what? We just met.
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91. Okay. Uh, I'm gonna get the clothes
from the laundry room now...
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92. and when I come back,
I'll clean behind the fridge.
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93. I love her.
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94. I'll be back in a minute.
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95. Okay.
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96. - See? I told you.
- She stole my jeans!
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97. What?
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98. I have been looking for them all week
and she is wearing them.
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99. So she stole your pants...
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100. and then she came back
and wore them in front of you?
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101. Don't you see? It's the perfect crime.
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102. She must have been
planning this for years.
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103. I will prove it to you.
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104. About a week ago,
I was wearing those jeans.
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105. I dropped a pen in my lap
and it left an ink stain on the crotch.
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106. When she comes back,
I will find it and show you that stain!
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107. Is it possible the company
that sold the jeans...
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108. made more than just the one pair?
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109. I guess.
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110. So shouldn't we give her
the benefit of the doubt before we go...
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111. snooping around her crotch?
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112. Fine. I'm just glad I didn't give
her my secret ingredient.
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113. Heh. Out of curiosity,
what is your secret ingredient?
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114. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.
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115. - Hi.
- Come in. I'm so glad you're here.
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116. Yeah. Me too.
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117. Not in the shaky,
angry way you are, though.
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118. Sorry. I just saw Ursula.
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119. - I had to get the engagement ring back.
- Ugh.
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120. Just seeing her brought it all back.
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121. All the lies, the way she used me.
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122. I just... I get so angry,
just looking at her...
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123. - Face.
- Yeah. Yeah.
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124. I'm sorry. It's just, when I look at you...
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125. I see her.
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126. And when I see her,
I get a little bit angry.
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127. - Maybe this is too weird.
- No, wait.
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128. There's only a problem...
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129. when I look at you.
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130. I got it. I got it.
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131. No, don't tear out your eyes!
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132. - I was just gonna take out my lenses.
- Oh, yeah. Try that.
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133. So is that better?
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134. Not really.
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135. You... Ugh. You're blurry.
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136. But you still look like Ursula.
You're "Blursula."
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137. Okay, wait. Maybe...
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138. If I just don't look at you for a while.
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139. See? It works.
I'm not angry at all anymore.
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140. This is a great date!
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141. Look, Eric, turn around.
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142. Look, I like you, but it shouldn't
be this hard. It's our first date.
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143. First dates are supposed to be
about excitement and electricity.
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144. And "Ooh, he touched my hand,
did he mean touch my hand?"
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145. And, you know, first kisses, and...
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146. second kisses.
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147. Thanks for the coffee, or, uh, ahem:
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148. Yeah, we're done.
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149. "Ezel"? Ezel...
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150. Hey, Ross. Listen.
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151. You wanna go see
that new IMAX movie on tide pools?
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152. - Really?
- No, ha, ha.
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153. But I got Knicks tickets
for you, me, and Chandler.
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154. - Sweet!
- All right, finish your coffee. Let's go.
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155. I have to stop by my place.
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156. To tape the game? You do this every
time. You're not gonna be on TV!
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157. No, no, I have to see
if this apartment became available.
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158. - You're switching apartments?
- Not for me, it's for Rachel.
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159. - Rachel has an apartment.
- When the baby comes, she's gonna move.
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160. - She is?
- Yeah.
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161. You didn't expect her
to live there with a baby, did you?
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162. I guess I didn't really think about it.
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163. Ezel.
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164. Hey, Gunther, you're an ezel. Huh.
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165. Damn it.
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166. - Nice jeans.
- Oh, thanks.
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167. - I like your top.
- Oh. You're not getting it.
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168. - What happened?
- Oh. I fell asleep.
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169. I was thinking about taking
my lunch break.
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170. Will you do the top of the cabinets?
That'll really work up your appetite.
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171. All right.
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172. Hello.
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173. What's going on?
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174. I'm sorry. I've never had a maid
before. Is this not okay?
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175. - Hey.
- Hey.
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176. - How was the game?
- Uh, it was okay. I ate way too much.
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177. - Mm.
- Ooh.
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178. So, um, I was talking to Ross and he said
you were looking for a new place?
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179. Oh, yeah. Hopefully across the street.
If certain Dutch people would just let go.
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180. I was kind of hoping you'd stay.
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181. But Joey, I have to go.
There's no room for a baby here.
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182. No room? It's a baby.
It's, like, this big.
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183. You could put it over here.
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184. Or we could put it right here.
Aw! Cute, right?
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185. Or over here.
You wouldn't even notice it.
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186. "Where's the baby?"
"Oh, it's right over..."
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187. Honey, it's not just a matter
of where you put it.
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188. A baby changes everything.
They cry all the time.
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189. Imagine bringing home some girl...
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190. and trying to score
when there's a screaming baby.
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191. I could use a challenge.
It's getting pretty easy.
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192. It's so sweet that you want me
to stay, but I can't do that to you.
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193. I mean, it would disrupt your entire life.
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194. It's just...
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195. I love living with you so much.
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196. - I wish things didn't have to change.
- I know.
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197. You know, I blame Ross for this.
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198. - I do too, a little bit.
- Yeah.
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199. I'm gonna miss you.
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200. You're the hottest roommate
I ever had.
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201. Mm. Ooh.
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202. Oh, no, I have to go.
Ugh, I have a massage appointment.
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203. No, stay here. We'll keep doing this.
I'll pay you.
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204. No, I've gotten in trouble
for that before.
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205. - I'll see you later?
- Absolutely.
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206. I love the way you kiss.
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207. Really? That's the thing I'm worst at!
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208. Heh, you'll see.
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209. - Hey.
- Hey! Um...
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210. - I think Brenda needs a raise.
- How come?
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211. Because I put my head
between her legs.
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212. - To see her pants?
- They're my pants!
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213. Are you sure? Did you see the stain?
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214. No. I was getting into position,
and everything went dark.
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215. God, she is not stealing from us, okay?
Will you let this go?
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216. Fine.
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217. - She's wearing my bra!
- Oh, dear God.
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218. My pink flowered bra!
I recognize the strap!
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219. And yet you don't recognize
that you're crazy?
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220. Here's the plan, okay?
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221. I'm going to leave,
and you're gonna look at Brenda's bra.
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222. Here's another plan. No.
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223. I would do it, but she thinks
I'm attracted to her.
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224. - Why?
- Did you not hear where my head was?
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225. Come on! We're a team.
We're in this together.
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226. I fear a jury will see it the same way.
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227. Do this for me. I catch you looking
at women's breasts all the time.
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228. You see that?
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229. Do you see this? Unh...
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230. All right. Yes, okay. I get your point.
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231. But if it's not her bra,
will you just let the woman clean?
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232. Yes. Absolutely. Okay?
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233. You'll know it's mine because on
the right cup, the lacy part...
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234. there's very a noticeable rip.
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235. You need new clothes.
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236. - Hi. How is she?
- It's not looking good.
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237. Oh? Oh. Aw.
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238. Well, I, uh, brought her some bloemen.
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239. That's so sweet.
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240. Would you like to say goodbye?
I'm sure it would mean a lot to her.
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241. Oh, I don't know that it would. Heh.
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242. - Well, her memory is pretty much gone.
- All right, then.
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243. - Hey!
- Welcome back.
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244. - Should we pick up from where we left off?
- I don't know.
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245. I'm still tired from this afternoon.
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246. - Why?
- Uh, the sex.
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247. - What sex?
- Our sex.
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248. We didn't have sex.
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249. Well if I didn't have sex with you...
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250. I had sex with somebody
that looked an awful lot like...
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251. - Ew. Ew. Ew, ew!
No, no, no, no!
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252. - You had sex with Ursula?
- A little bit.
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253. She walked in, I thought she was you
and I kissed her and...
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254. You didn't notice different clothes?
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255. - I was just so excited to see you.
- Aw.
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256. Ew! Ew! Ew!
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257. Ugh! You know what? This is too weird.
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258. No. I don't wanna lose you.
It's like I was saying to Ursula...
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259. when I was making love to her
and thought she was you...
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260. Yeah. It's too weird.
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261. So I guess this is it.
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262. Yeah.
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263. Maybe it's for the best.
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264. - You smell just like her.
- Yeah, so do you.
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265. - What are you doing?
- I'm leaning.
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266. This is where I lean.
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267. Okay.
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268. - Brenda, a bee!
- What?
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269. Yes, it's flown into your blouse.
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270. You better undo your buttons
lest it sting you.
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271. - I think I know what's going on here.
- You do?
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272. Look, I know it must be hard
that your wife is a lesbian...
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273. but it's wrong. You're married.
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274. - I totally understand.
- Okay, good. Ha-ha-ha.
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275. Could I just see your bra?
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276. Hi.
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277. - Where'd you get those jeans?
- You gave them to me.
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278. - No, I didn't!
- All right, I took them.
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279. I figured it was okay,
you've got an ink stain on the crotch.
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280. - Oh, no! Did you take my bra too?
- What bra?
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281. - The pink one with the flowers.
- You mean the one you're wearing?
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282. I quit!
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283. Sounds about right.
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284. - What is this?
- Hey.
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285. Uh, this is just to give you an idea.
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286. We can put screens here
so the baby has privacy...
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287. and maybe a mobile,
you know, over the crib...
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288. and, uh, here's a baby monitor which,
until the baby comes...
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289. we can use as walkie-talkies. Eh?
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290. You're so sweet!
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291. Oh, my God!
And you gave the baby Hugsy!
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292. Uh...
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293. That's really just to show
where the baby would go.
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294. Why don't I hold on to him
so there's no confusion?
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295. Joey, the baby is gonna be crying.
It's gonna be loud.
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296. - I'm loud.
- It's gonna be up all night.
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297. - I'm up all night.
- It's gonna poop.
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298. Hello?
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299. What about the women
you wanna bring home?
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300. Look, if I'm bringing home a woman
who can't stand being around a baby...
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301. then maybe I don't wanna
be with that woman.
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302. Or maybe we'll do it
in the bathroom of the club!
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303. - Joey, are you sure?
- Yeah.
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304. Look, I know sometimes
it'll be hard, okay...
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305. but it'll also be really,
really great.
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306. Please, Rachel,
I really want you to stay.
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307. - I want me to stay too. Thank you.
- Aw.
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308. Joey, look at this crib! It's so cute!
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309. I know. I found it on the street.
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310. Are you...? Really?
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311. - This is in such good condition.
- Yeah.
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312. Wow. Whoa, what's under the cover?
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313. - I don't know.
- It's moving.
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314. - Ew.
- Still...
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315. - Aah! It's got a tail! Get it out!
- Oh, aah! Okay!
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316. Well, the old lady died.
And how do I know?
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317. Because her dying wish
was for one last kiss.
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318. But I don't care because
you got the apartment. Yes!
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319. Ew, yeah.
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320. Um, I think I'm gonna stay here.
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321. Isn't that great?
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322. Ezels!
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