Friends 8x6

Directed by

Emily Osment as Lelani Mayolanofavich • Sean Penn as Eric • Daniel Wayne Smith as Boy in the Cape • Bonnie Somerville as Mona • James Michael Tyler as Gunther

Monica and Chandler decide to throw a costumed Halloween party. Meanwhile, Phoebe runs into Ursula, who's preparing to get married soon, and as a courtesy invites her and her fiancé to the party. When they finally meet, Phoebe takes an instant liking to him, but soon she discovers that he knows nothing about the "real" Ursula.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Hey, guys, guess what? - What?

2. I know it's last minute, but we've decided to have a Halloween party.

3. - Oh, good! - Great!

4. - And everybody has to wear costumes. - Oh, I don't know...

5. Come on, it'll be fun.

6. Uh, I'll be there. I mean, I have to wear a costume

7. to all of my classes that day anyway, so...

8. Please tell me you're not going to dress up like a dinosaur.

9. Pfft, heh.

10. Not two years in a row.

11. I'll come to the party, but I'm not dressing up.

12. You have to.

13. No way. Look, Halloween is so stupid.

14. Dressing up and pretending to be someone you're not?

15. You're an actor.

16. So, Ross, are you going to bring Mona?

17. - Yeah, yeah, I think I will. - The hot girl from their wedding?

18. - Yeah. - Wow, hey.

19. If she needs any ideas for costumes, she could be a, uh, bikini model,

20. or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader.

21. Or, ooh, ooh. Leatherface from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

22. No, no, no. Slutty Leatherface.

23. Wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding, too?

24. That's right. He was hitting on her.

25. And I got her. I guess the better man won. Heh.

26. Please don't take her from me.

27. - Oh. Ursula. - Oh. Heh.

28. Wait. It's... it's me... Phoebe.

29. Oh. I thought there was a mirror there. Okay. Bye-bye.

30. Wait a second now.

31. Um, so, what's new with you?

32. Um, nothing. I mean, I'm getting married next week.

33. - What? - Yeah, yeah.

34. It's going to be a small ceremony. Just family.

35. His.

36. Huh.

37. Okay.

38. Well, I'm really happy for you.

39. Wait. If, um... if you want to come, I guess that'd be okay.

40. - Really? - Sure, why not?

41. You could be my "sister" for the day.

42. Yeah, heh, okay.

43. Um, you know, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight

44. at my old apartment, so you could come.

45. Maybe I could meet the guy you're marrying.

46. Huh. Well, I'm supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight.

47. I'm supposed to be working now. So, who cares!

48. - Okay. By the way, it's a costume party. - Oh, okay, so that's why you're...

49. No.

50. But thanks.

51. - Hi. - Wait. You're supposed to wear a costume.

52. I am. I am a woman

53. who spent a lot of money on a dress and she wants to wear it

54. because soon she won't be able to fit into it.

55. - Oh, I'm Catwoman... - Ah.

56. Who wants to borrow the dress when you're too big for it.

57. Okay.

58. - Trick or treat! - Oh, oh, can I give out the candy?

59. I really want to be with the kids right now.

60. Ever since I got pregnant, I have the strongest maternal instincts.

61. - Trick or treat! - Just a minute!

62. We... aah! Look at you guys!

63. - Wow! You are a very scary witch. - Thank you.

64. - And you are a very funny clown. - Thank you.

65. And you...

66. are so in style right now.

67. You know, I work at Ralph Lauren,

68. and the whole fall line has got this, like, equestrian theme going on.

69. I don't suppose you saw the cover of British "Vogue"...?

70. Can I just have a candy?

71. Yeah. Sure.

72. Ah, Catwoman, so we meet again.

73. So we do, Supergirl.

74. It's me, Phoebe.

75. Monica, can I talk to you for a second?

76. Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume.

77. Oh, you did this to him?

78. What? I thought he'd love it.

79. His favorite kids book was "The Velveteen Rabbit."

80. "The Velveteen Rabbit" was brown and white.

81. Well, it was either a pink bunny, or no bunny at all.

82. No bunny at all. Always no bunny at all!

83. - Hey. - You didn't dress up, either?

84. Yes, I did. I'm Chandler.

85. Dude, what happened?

86. - How is that me? - Okay, ahem.

87. I'm Chandler.

88. - Ha, ha! Oh, that is so you! - Ha-ha-ha.

89. - When have I ever done that? - When have I ever done that?

90. - Trick or treat. - Oh!

91. Oh, well, you're just the prettiest ballerina I've ever seen.

92. Thank you.

93. Oh, wow. That deserves another piece of candy.

94. - Thank you. - Ha-ha-ha.

95. Well, I have to say, that earns "tutu" pieces of candy.

96. I love you.

97. Oh, oh! Aw...

98. oh, honey, here, take it all.

99. Monica, we need more candy.

100. - What? There's only been, like, four kids. - Yeah, I know.

101. But one of them just said that she loved me, so I just gave her everything.

102. No wonder you're pregnant.

103. - Hey. - Hey.

104. - What are you supposed to be? - Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik?

105. Well, I'm a potato, or a "spud,"

106. and these are my antenna.

107. So, Sputnik becomes...

108. Spud-nik! Spud-nik.

109. Wow, I don't have the worst costume anymore.

110. Hey, all right! Ross came as Doody.

111. - No, I'm not Doody. - No, Space-Doody.

112. - God! - Hey, sweetie.

113. Oh.

114. - Aren't you going to give me a kiss? - Okay, I will,

115. but right after, you have to tell me who the hell you are.

116. - Ursula? - Ursula's fiancé.

117. - Oh, my God, you're the sister. - Yeah.

118. Okay, I just slapped my future

119. - sister-in-law's ass. - Yeah.

120. I'm an idiot. Is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.

121. - My mother killed herself. - See, and I knew that and...

122. now I'm sweating.

123. Look, look at me... I'm really sweating. I mean, now I'm saying,

124. look at me... I'm getting even sweatier. I think I should probably just go.

125. No, that's okay. We'll just start over.

126. - Okay, hi, I'm Phoebe. - Uh, Eric.

127. - Why are you looking at me like that? - Because the sweat's in my eyes,

128. - and it's burning. - Okay.

129. - Thank you. - There.

130. - So, what are you? - I don't think they have a name for it.

131. I get nervous, and I start sweating like crazy.

132. - No, I meant your costume. - Oh, I'm... I'm a solar system.

133. My students helped me make it. I teach the second grade.

134. - I love the second grade! - Really?

135. Yeah. It's so much better than first grade, where you don't know what's going on,

136. and definitely better than third grade.

137. You know, with all the politics and the mind games and...

138. - So, what do you do? - Um, I'm a masseuse... by day.

139. Good. You don't have to stand here with me.

140. No, I'm having fun.

141. And I'm really, really excited for you and Ursula.

142. I feel very lucky. She's great.

143. I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

144. Thank you.

145. - Hey, Joey? - Yeah?

146. - You read comic books, right? - Exclusively.

147. Who do you think would win in a fight, Catwoman or Supergirl?

148. - Catwoman, hands down. - Yeah.

149. But between you and Phoebe? I'd have to give the edge to Phoebe.

150. - What? Really? - Are you kidding?

151. Phoebe lived on the street, okay? Plus, she's got this crazy temper. She...

152. she's not standing right behind me, is she?

153. - No, you're fine. - Okay.

154. - Do you think I could take Rachel? - I'm not sure.

155. What? Come on! I am tough!

156. Punch right here, as hard as you can!

157. Okay, will you... will you relax?

158. What are you taking this so seriously for? It doesn't matter.

159. Oh, really? Okay. What would you say if I told you

160. that I thought Ross or Chandler could beat you up?

161. I would say, "Woman, please."

162. Hey, Ursula's fiancé is really sweet.

163. He's a teacher; he does all this volunteer work.

164. You know, normally, you know, I don't like really sweaty guys,

165. but this one I could just mop him up.

166. - Oh, my God, Phoebe. - What?

167. You're getting a crush on your sister's fiancé.

168. No, I'm not, you are!

169. Here comes the temper.

170. - Trick or treat. - Hi.

171. Hi. You know what? We're actually out of candy right now,

172. but someone just went to get some,

173. and I... have been giving out money, but I'm out of that, too.

174. - Hey, can I write you a check? - Okay.

175. - Okay. What's your name? - Leilani Mayolanofavich.

176. Okay, I'm just going to write this out to "Cash." Okay?

177. - Hey. - Hi, Mona.

178. - Oh, hey. - Hi.

179. Joey's going to be thrilled. He was hoping you'd come by as a slutty nurse.

180. Um, actually, I'm just a nurse.

181. You'd think that would embarrass me, but, you see, I'm maxed out.

182. - Hey, you made it. - Hi. Wait, wait.

183. - You're, um... you're a potato. - Well, I'm a spud...

184. And the antenna...

185. - Oh, my God, you're Spud-nik! - Yes!

186. Marry her.

187. Okay, here's a good one for you.

188. Who do you think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler?

189. I can't answer that... Chandler is my husband.

190. - So, Ross? - Yeah.

191. - Hey, beautiful. - Hello, handsome.

192. Oh, God.

193. Oh, look at you two. So, when did you guys meet?

194. - Two weeks ago. - Two weeks, that's it?

195. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and it's not like me to do something so impulsive,

196. but she's just so perfect, and we have so much in common.

197. Oh, really?

198. - We're both teachers. - Huh?

199. - And we were both in the Peace Corps. - Peace Corps, really?

200. In fact, when we were building houses in Uruguay,

201. we were just two towns apart and we never met.

202. Yeah. It wasn't a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left.

203. - Shall we get me really drunk? - Sure.

204. Ha, ha. Ugh.

205. Howdy, Doody.

206. That's funny, yeah.

207. You know, you're the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.

208. Relax, man, relax. You're looking a little flushed.

209. Hey, I think we might find out the answer to our question.

210. - What question? - Monica and I were talking

211. about who could kick whose ass in a fight,

212. you or Ross.

213. - There's no question. - So you think Ross, too?

214. - You picked Ross? - Ross is really strong.

215. He's the strongest out of all three of you, except for Joey.

216. I cannot believe you didn't pick me.

217. In her defense, she's right. I am stronger,

218. I would destroy you.

219. Oh, really? You think you're stronger? Why don't you prove it?

220. Oh, I'll prove it! I'll prove it like a theorem!

221. Wait, wait, wait! Okay, stop it! Stop it!

222. Stop! Now, no one's going to fight in this apartment!

223. Hey, Monica, people came to see a fight. Let's give them what they came for.

224. Yeah!

225. - You guys could arm wrestle. - Yeah, listen to the slutty nurse.

226. - You're going down. - Oh, yeah? You're going further down...

227. downtown!

228. Seriously, guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.

229. Oh, Gunther, you brought candy. Thank you so much for picking this up.

230. You are so sweet.

231. - Really? - Yeah.

232. Someday, you are going to make some man the luckiest guy in the world.

233. - Got to go. - Trick or treat.

234. Hi! Wow. There you go.

235. My friend Louis told me you were giving out money.

236. Oh, yeah, well, we were, but, um, now we've got candy.

237. I'd rather have the money.

238. Well, that... that's not your choice. Happy Halloween!

239. This isn't fair.

240. Well, is it fair that all you did was put

241. on a cape and I got to give you free stuff?

242. Shut up.

243. You shut up.

244. - You can't tell me to shut up. - Uh... I think I just did,

245. and, uh-oh, here it comes again. Shut up.

246. - Uh, Rach. - Yeah, I got it. I'm good. I got it.

247. Now, wait a minute, I had one more thing I had to say to you.

248. Oh, right. Shut up.

249. You're a mean old woman.

250. Oh, wait. No. Shut up... I mean, don't cry.

251. Let me get my checkbook.

252. Look, honey, you don't have to do this, okay?

253. It's the strength you have inside that means the most to me.

254. I mean, you're loyal, and you're honest, and you have integrity.

255. That's the kind of strength I want in the man I love.

256. That means nothing to me. Come on!

257. Ugh.

258. - Hi, liar. - Hey.

259. You know... the only reason he's marrying you

260. is because he thinks all the things you were saying about yourself were true.

261. - Well, they could be true. - But they're not.

262. Yeah. It's a fine line, huh?

263. - Why are you lying to him? - I don't know.

264. He said he did all this stuff, and then I said I did it, too,

265. and he got so excited, it was really fun.

266. Honey?

267. It's a filthy, disgusting habit, and I want you to quit now.

268. She's helped so many people quit smoking.

269. You know, we really better get going.

270. - You have a church group meeting tonight. - Right.

271. - Well, it was nice meeting you. - You, too.

272. And, Ursula, it was really nice meeting you tonight!

273. Pheebs, come on. Bunny versus Doody. We're waiting.

274. Okay. Okay, guys. One match, winner take all.

275. Wait, wait. What does the winner get?

276. - Pride. - And dignity.

277. Heh. Okay, if you say so.

278. All right, ready? Set, go.

279. Come on!

280. Doody! Bunny!

281. - Wow, they're both really strong. - Or equally weak.

282. Oh, my God. Chandler's making his sex face.

283. - So, are you getting tired? - Nope. I can do this all day.

284. Yeah, me, too.

285. - I'm getting a little tired, though. - God, I'm exhausted.

286. Look, this is starting to look really bad for me.

287. Okay, Mona... Mona's standing right over there.

288. Oh, God, she's talking to Joey. You've got to let me win.

289. Wait, if anything, you've to let me win. My wife thinks I'm a wimp.

290. Hey, at least you have a wife.

291. I keep getting divorces and knocking people up.

292. And I'm dressed as Doody.

293. - You're Spudnik. - Come on, who are we kidding? I'm Doody.

294. - Please, she's watching. - Ugh.

295. - Fine. - Thanks.

296. - Oh, no. Oh, no. - Oh, yeah!

297. Yay!

298. My hero.

299. You're a weird lady.

300. - Hey, Ursula said she left her purse. - Oh.

301. Oh, what a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in the prayer chain.

302. I'm sure it does. Yeah, yeah.

303. Well, I guess I'll see you at the wedding.

304. Um, listen, I don't think... I don't think I'm going to make it to the wedding, so...

305. I just want to wish you all the luck in the world.

306. I think we'll be okay.

307. Besides, it's so perfect, and...

308. she's been saving herself for me.

309. Okay, I can't let you do this.

310. - She's lying to you. - What?

311. She is lying, and I bet I can prove it. Excuse me.

312. Okay. Okay. Yeah, not a prayer chain,

313. but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan.

314. Okay, here's the name tag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress.

315. Not a teacher, a waitress.

316. All right, here's her driver's license.

317. This ought to be good. She always lies about this.

318. - How old did she say she was? - She told me she was 25.

319. Oh. I almost don't want to show you this.

320. Just remember, I'm a minute younger.

321. I am so stupid.

322. Of course she was lying. She's not a teacher.

323. There's no such thing as the "Top Secret

324. Elementary School for the Children of Spies."

325. No, you're not, you're not stupid.

326. I'm not smart.

327. I just wanted so much to be impulsive for once.

328. - To be romantic. - That's good.

329. You should be impulsive and you should be romantic.

330. Just... you did it with the wrong person.

331. - What? - It's so weird,

332. two people look so much alike...

333. and so different.

334. Eric, let's go!

335. - I better go deal with it. - Yeah, you should.

336. Hurry up! I got to pray!

337. - Hey. - Hey.

338. Well, I had to give the kid 50 bucks to stop crying.

339. Well, that's not so bad.

340. I also had to go to a couple houses with him

341. as his girlfriend.

342. Oh, I'm just awful with children.

343. Come on. You're good with kids. They're just crazy on Halloween.

344. You know, they're all greedy, and hopped up on sugar.

345. - Really? You think that's all it is? - Absolutely.

346. Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas. And their birthdays.

347. - Mm-hmm. - They kind of get

348. a little crazy during the summer, too.

349. And any time they're hungry or sleepy.

350. Yeah, kids are tough. Good luck with that. Pfft.

351. Look, I wanted to tell you, I'm, I'm sorry you lost.

352. Oh. Listen. I got a secret for you. I let him win.

353. - Heh, heh. - Is that a secret, or a lie?

354. - No, I let him... Ross? - Yeah?

355. Would you tell her that I let you win, please?

356. Oh, yeah. Uh, Chandler "let" me win.

357. No, Chandler's really strong. Oh, my arm is so sore. Oh, nurse!

358. I am strong. I'll show you.

359. Chandler, please.

360. Oh, what's the matter? Are you scared?

361. Let's go, big bunny!

362. One, two, three. Go.

363. I'm going to kill myself.