1. - Hey, guys, guess what?
- What?
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2. I know it's last minute, but we've
decided to have a Halloween party.
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3. - Oh, good!
- Great!
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4. - And everybody has to wear costumes.
- Oh, I don't know...
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5. Come on, it'll be fun.
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6. Uh, I'll be there. I mean,
I have to wear a costume
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7. to all of my classes
that day anyway, so...
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8. Please tell me you're not going
to dress up like a dinosaur.
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9. Pfft, heh.
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10. Not two years in a row.
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11. I'll come to the party,
but I'm not dressing up.
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12. You have to.
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13. No way. Look, Halloween
is so stupid.
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14. Dressing up and pretending
to be someone you're not?
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15. You're an actor.
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16. So, Ross, are you
going to bring Mona?
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17. - Yeah, yeah, I think I will.
- The hot girl from their wedding?
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18. - Yeah.
- Wow, hey.
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19. If she needs any ideas for costumes,
she could be a, uh, bikini model,
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20. or a slutty nurse,
or a sexy cheerleader.
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21. Or, ooh, ooh. Leatherface
from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
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22. No, no, no.
Slutty Leatherface.
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23. Wasn't Joey hitting on
her at the wedding, too?
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24. That's right.
He was hitting on her.
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25. And I got her. I guess
the better man won. Heh.
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26. Please don't take
her from me.
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27. - Oh. Ursula.
- Oh. Heh.
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28. Wait. It's...
it's me... Phoebe.
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29. Oh. I thought there was
a mirror there. Okay. Bye-bye.
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30. Wait a second now.
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31. Um, so, what's new with you?
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32. Um, nothing. I mean,
I'm getting married next week.
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33. - What?
- Yeah, yeah.
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34. It's going to be a small
ceremony. Just family.
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35. His.
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36. Huh.
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37. Okay.
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38. Well, I'm really
happy for you.
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39. Wait. If, um... if you want to come,
I guess that'd be okay.
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40. - Really?
- Sure, why not?
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41. You could be my
"sister" for the day.
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42. Yeah, heh, okay.
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43. Um, you know, my friends are having
a Halloween party tonight
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44. at my old apartment,
so you could come.
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45. Maybe I could meet
the guy you're marrying.
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46. Huh. Well, I'm supposed to
be working at the restaurant tonight.
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47. I'm supposed to be working now.
So, who cares!
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48. - Okay. By the way, it's a costume party.
- Oh, okay, so that's why you're...
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49. No.
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50. But thanks.
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51. - Hi.
- Wait. You're supposed to wear a costume.
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52. I am. I am a woman
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53. who spent a lot of money on a dress
and she wants to wear it
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54. because soon she won't
be able to fit into it.
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55. - Oh, I'm Catwoman...
- Ah.
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56. Who wants to borrow the dress
when you're too big for it.
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57. Okay.
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58. - Trick or treat!
- Oh, oh, can I give out the candy?
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59. I really want to be
with the kids right now.
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60. Ever since I got pregnant,
I have the strongest maternal instincts.
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61. - Trick or treat!
- Just a minute!
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62. We... aah! Look at you guys!
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63. - Wow! You are a very scary witch.
- Thank you.
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64. - And you are a very funny clown.
- Thank you.
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65. And you...
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66. are so in style
right now.
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67. You know,
I work at Ralph Lauren,
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68. and the whole fall line has got
this, like, equestrian theme going on.
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69. I don't suppose you saw the
cover of British "Vogue"...?
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70. Can I just have a candy?
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71. Yeah. Sure.
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72. Ah, Catwoman,
so we meet again.
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73. So we do, Supergirl.
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74. It's me, Phoebe.
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75. Monica, can I talk
to you for a second?
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76. Listen, I appreciate you
getting me the costume.
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77. Oh, you did this to him?
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78. What? I thought he'd love it.
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79. His favorite kids book
was "The Velveteen Rabbit."
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80. "The Velveteen Rabbit"
was brown and white.
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81. Well, it was either a pink bunny,
or no bunny at all.
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82. No bunny at all.
Always no bunny at all!
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83. - Hey.
- You didn't dress up, either?
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84. Yes, I did.
I'm Chandler.
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85. Dude, what happened?
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86. - How is that me?
- Okay, ahem.
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87. I'm Chandler.
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88. - Ha, ha! Oh, that is so you!
- Ha-ha-ha.
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89. - When have I ever done that?
- When have I ever done that?
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90. - Trick or treat.
- Oh!
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91. Oh, well, you're just the prettiest
ballerina I've ever seen.
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92. Thank you.
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93. Oh, wow. That deserves
another piece of candy.
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94. - Thank you.
- Ha-ha-ha.
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95. Well, I have to say, that
earns "tutu" pieces of candy.
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96. I love you.
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97. Oh, oh! Aw...
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98. oh, honey, here,
take it all.
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99. Monica, we need more candy.
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100. - What? There's only been, like, four kids.
- Yeah, I know.
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101. But one of them just said that she
loved me, so I just gave her everything.
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102. No wonder you're pregnant.
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103. - Hey.
- Hey.
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104. - What are you supposed to be?
- Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik?
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105. Well, I'm a potato,
or a "spud,"
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106. and these are my antenna.
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107. So, Sputnik becomes...
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108. Spud-nik! Spud-nik.
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109. Wow, I don't have the
worst costume anymore.
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110. Hey, all right!
Ross came as Doody.
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111. - No, I'm not Doody.
- No, Space-Doody.
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112. - God!
- Hey, sweetie.
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113. Oh.
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114. - Aren't you going to give me a kiss?
- Okay, I will,
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115. but right after, you have to
tell me who the hell you are.
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116. - Ursula?
- Ursula's fiancé.
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117. - Oh, my God, you're the sister.
- Yeah.
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118. Okay, I just slapped my future
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119. - sister-in-law's ass.
- Yeah.
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120. I'm an idiot. Is your mother here? Maybe
I can give her a little slap on the butt.
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121. - My mother killed herself.
- See, and I knew that and...
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122. now I'm sweating.
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123. Look, look at me... I'm really
sweating. I mean, now I'm saying,
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124. look at me... I'm getting even sweatier.
I think I should probably just go.
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125. No, that's okay.
We'll just start over.
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126. - Okay, hi, I'm Phoebe.
- Uh, Eric.
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127. - Why are you looking at me like that?
- Because the sweat's in my eyes,
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128. - and it's burning.
- Okay.
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129. - Thank you.
- There.
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130. - So, what are you?
- I don't think they have a name for it.
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131. I get nervous, and
I start sweating like crazy.
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132. - No, I meant your costume.
- Oh, I'm... I'm a solar system.
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133. My students helped me make it.
I teach the second grade.
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134. - I love the second grade!
- Really?
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135. Yeah. It's so much better than first grade,
where you don't know what's going on,
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136. and definitely better
than third grade.
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137. You know, with all the politics
and the mind games and...
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138. - So, what do you do?
- Um, I'm a masseuse... by day.
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139. Good. You don't have
to stand here with me.
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140. No, I'm having fun.
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141. And I'm really, really
excited for you and Ursula.
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142. I feel very lucky.
She's great.
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143. I think she's the most
beautiful woman I've ever seen.
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144. Thank you.
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145. - Hey, Joey?
- Yeah?
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146. - You read comic books, right?
- Exclusively.
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147. Who do you think would win in a fight,
Catwoman or Supergirl?
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148. - Catwoman, hands down.
- Yeah.
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149. But between you and Phoebe?
I'd have to give the edge to Phoebe.
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150. - What? Really?
- Are you kidding?
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151. Phoebe lived on the street, okay?
Plus, she's got this crazy temper. She...
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152. she's not standing
right behind me, is she?
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153. - No, you're fine.
- Okay.
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154. - Do you think I could take Rachel?
- I'm not sure.
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155. What? Come on! I am tough!
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156. Punch right here,
as hard as you can!
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157. Okay, will you...
will you relax?
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158. What are you taking this so
seriously for? It doesn't matter.
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159. Oh, really? Okay. What would
you say if I told you
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160. that I thought Ross or
Chandler could beat you up?
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161. I would say,
"Woman, please."
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162. Hey, Ursula's fiancé
is really sweet.
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163. He's a teacher;
he does all this volunteer work.
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164. You know, normally, you know,
I don't like really sweaty guys,
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165. but this one I could
just mop him up.
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166. - Oh, my God, Phoebe.
- What?
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167. You're getting a crush
on your sister's fiancé.
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168. No, I'm not, you are!
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169. Here comes the temper.
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170. - Trick or treat.
- Hi.
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171. Hi. You know what? We're
actually out of candy right now,
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172. but someone just
went to get some,
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173. and I... have been giving out
money, but I'm out of that, too.
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174. - Hey, can I write you a check?
- Okay.
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175. - Okay. What's your name?
- Leilani Mayolanofavich.
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176. Okay, I'm just going to
write this out to "Cash." Okay?
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177. - Hey.
- Hi, Mona.
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178. - Oh, hey.
- Hi.
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179. Joey's going to be thrilled. He was hoping
you'd come by as a slutty nurse.
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180. Um, actually,
I'm just a nurse.
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181. You'd think that would embarrass me,
but, you see, I'm maxed out.
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182. - Hey, you made it.
- Hi. Wait, wait.
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183. - You're, um... you're a potato.
- Well, I'm a spud...
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184. And the antenna...
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185. - Oh, my God, you're Spud-nik!
- Yes!
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186. Marry her.
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187. Okay, here's a
good one for you.
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188. Who do you think would win in a fight
between Ross and Chandler?
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189. I can't answer that...
Chandler is my husband.
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190. - So, Ross?
- Yeah.
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191. - Hey, beautiful.
- Hello, handsome.
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192. Oh, God.
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193. Oh, look at you two.
So, when did you guys meet?
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194. - Two weeks ago.
- Two weeks, that's it?
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195. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and it's
not like me to do something so impulsive,
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196. but she's just so perfect,
and we have so much in common.
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197. Oh, really?
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198. - We're both teachers.
- Huh?
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199. - And we were both in the Peace Corps.
- Peace Corps, really?
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200. In fact, when we were
building houses in Uruguay,
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201. we were just two towns apart
and we never met.
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202. Yeah. It wasn't a town when I got
there, but it was a town when I left.
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203. - Shall we get me really drunk?
- Sure.
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204. Ha, ha. Ugh.
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205. Howdy, Doody.
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206. That's funny, yeah.
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207. You know, you're the funniest man here in a
pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
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208. Relax, man, relax.
You're looking a little flushed.
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209. Hey, I think we might find out
the answer to our question.
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210. - What question?
- Monica and I were talking
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211. about who could kick
whose ass in a fight,
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212. you or Ross.
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213. - There's no question.
- So you think Ross, too?
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214. - You picked Ross?
- Ross is really strong.
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215. He's the strongest out of all
three of you, except for Joey.
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216. I cannot believe
you didn't pick me.
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217. In her defense, she's right.
I am stronger,
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218. I would destroy you.
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219. Oh, really? You think you're stronger?
Why don't you prove it?
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220. Oh, I'll prove it!
I'll prove it like a theorem!
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221. Wait, wait, wait!
Okay, stop it! Stop it!
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222. Stop! Now, no one's going
to fight in this apartment!
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223. Hey, Monica, people came to see a fight.
Let's give them what they came for.
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224. Yeah!
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225. - You guys could arm wrestle.
- Yeah, listen to the slutty nurse.
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226. - You're going down.
- Oh, yeah? You're going further down...
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227. downtown!
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228. Seriously, guys,
the trash talk is embarrassing.
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229. Oh, Gunther, you brought candy.
Thank you so much for picking this up.
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230. You are so sweet.
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231. - Really?
- Yeah.
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232. Someday, you are going to make some
man the luckiest guy in the world.
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233. - Got to go.
- Trick or treat.
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234. Hi! Wow.
There you go.
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235. My friend Louis told me
you were giving out money.
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236. Oh, yeah, well, we were,
but, um, now we've got candy.
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237. I'd rather have the money.
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238. Well, that... that's not your choice.
Happy Halloween!
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239. This isn't fair.
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240. Well, is it fair that
all you did was put
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241. on a cape and I got to
give you free stuff?
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242. Shut up.
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243. You shut up.
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244. - You can't tell me to shut up.
- Uh... I think I just did,
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245. and, uh-oh, here it
comes again. Shut up.
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246. - Uh, Rach.
- Yeah, I got it. I'm good. I got it.
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247. Now, wait a minute, I had one
more thing I had to say to you.
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248. Oh, right. Shut up.
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249. You're a mean old woman.
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250. Oh, wait. No. Shut up...
I mean, don't cry.
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251. Let me get my checkbook.
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252. Look, honey, you don't
have to do this, okay?
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253. It's the strength you have inside
that means the most to me.
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254. I mean, you're loyal, and you're honest,
and you have integrity.
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255. That's the kind of strength
I want in the man I love.
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256. That means nothing to me.
Come on!
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257. Ugh.
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258. - Hi, liar.
- Hey.
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259. You know... the only
reason he's marrying you
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260. is because he thinks all the things
you were saying about yourself were true.
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261. - Well, they could be true.
- But they're not.
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262. Yeah. It's a
fine line, huh?
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263. - Why are you lying to him?
- I don't know.
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264. He said he did all this stuff,
and then I said I did it, too,
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265. and he got so excited,
it was really fun.
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266. Honey?
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267. It's a filthy, disgusting habit,
and I want you to quit now.
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268. She's helped so many
people quit smoking.
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269. You know, we
really better get going.
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270. - You have a church group meeting tonight.
- Right.
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271. - Well, it was nice meeting you.
- You, too.
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272. And, Ursula, it was really nice
meeting you tonight!
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273. Pheebs, come on. Bunny versus Doody.
We're waiting.
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274. Okay. Okay, guys.
One match, winner take all.
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275. Wait, wait.
What does the winner get?
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276. - Pride.
- And dignity.
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277. Heh. Okay, if you say so.
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278. All right, ready?
Set, go.
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279. Come on!
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280. Doody! Bunny!
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281. - Wow, they're both really strong.
- Or equally weak.
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282. Oh, my God. Chandler's
making his sex face.
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283. - So, are you getting tired?
- Nope. I can do this all day.
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284. Yeah, me, too.
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285. - I'm getting a little tired, though.
- God, I'm exhausted.
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286. Look, this is starting to
look really bad for me.
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287. Okay, Mona... Mona's
standing right over there.
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288. Oh, God, she's talking to Joey.
You've got to let me win.
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289. Wait, if anything, you've to let me win.
My wife thinks I'm a wimp.
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290. Hey, at least you have a wife.
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291. I keep getting divorces
and knocking people up.
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292. And I'm dressed as Doody.
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293. - You're Spudnik.
- Come on, who are we kidding? I'm Doody.
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294. - Please, she's watching.
- Ugh.
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295. - Fine.
- Thanks.
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296. - Oh, no. Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah!
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297. Yay!
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298. My hero.
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299. You're a weird lady.
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300. - Hey, Ursula said she left her purse.
- Oh.
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301. Oh, what a relief. It has all the numbers
of the people in the prayer chain.
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302. I'm sure it does.
Yeah, yeah.
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303. Well, I guess I'll see
you at the wedding.
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304. Um, listen, I don't think... I don't think
I'm going to make it to the wedding, so...
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305. I just want to wish you
all the luck in the world.
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306. I think we'll be okay.
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307. Besides, it's so perfect, and...
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308. she's been
saving herself for me.
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309. Okay, I can't let you do this.
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310. - She's lying to you.
- What?
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311. She is lying, and I bet
I can prove it. Excuse me.
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312. Okay. Okay. Yeah,
not a prayer chain,
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313. but what looks like a detailed
drawing of a bank floor plan.
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314. Okay, here's the name tag from the
restaurant where she works as a waitress.
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315. Not a teacher,
a waitress.
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316. All right, here's her
driver's license.
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317. This ought to be good.
She always lies about this.
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318. - How old did she say she was?
- She told me she was 25.
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319. Oh. I almost don't
want to show you this.
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320. Just remember,
I'm a minute younger.
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321. I am so stupid.
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322. Of course she was lying.
She's not a teacher.
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323. There's no such thing
as the "Top Secret
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324. Elementary School for
the Children of Spies."
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325. No, you're not,
you're not stupid.
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326. I'm not smart.
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327. I just wanted so much
to be impulsive for once.
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328. - To be romantic.
- That's good.
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329. You should be impulsive
and you should be romantic.
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330. Just... you did it with
the wrong person.
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331. - What?
- It's so weird,
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332. two people look so much alike...
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333. and so different.
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334. Eric, let's go!
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335. - I better go deal with it.
- Yeah, you should.
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336. Hurry up! I got to pray!
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337. - Hey.
- Hey.
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338. Well, I had to give the kid
50 bucks to stop crying.
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339. Well, that's not so bad.
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340. I also had to go to a
couple houses with him
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341. as his girlfriend.
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342. Oh, I'm just awful
with children.
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343. Come on. You're good with kids.
They're just crazy on Halloween.
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344. You know, they're all greedy,
and hopped up on sugar.
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345. - Really? You think that's all it is?
- Absolutely.
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346. Halloween is the worst. Except
for Christmas. And their birthdays.
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347. - Mm-hmm.
- They kind of get
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348. a little crazy during
the summer, too.
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349. And any time they're
hungry or sleepy.
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350. Yeah, kids are tough.
Good luck with that. Pfft.
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351. Look, I wanted to tell you,
I'm, I'm sorry you lost.
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352. Oh. Listen. I got a secret
for you. I let him win.
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353. - Heh, heh.
- Is that a secret, or a lie?
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354. - No, I let him... Ross?
- Yeah?
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355. Would you tell her
that I let you win, please?
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356. Oh, yeah. Uh,
Chandler "let" me win.
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357. No, Chandler's really strong.
Oh, my arm is so sore. Oh, nurse!
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358. I am strong. I'll show you.
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359. Chandler, please.
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360. Oh, what's the matter?
Are you scared?
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361. Let's go, big bunny!
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362. One, two, three. Go.
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363. I'm going to kill myself.
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