1. Okay, this one's rare. This one is
medium well. Now, go, go, go!
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2. - Hey, Phoebe! Hey, how was dinner?
- Hey!
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3. Dinner was good! Just saying hi!
Now I'm going to go!
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4. All right, okay.
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5. - Oh. Well, hello there.
- Hi.
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6. I didn't see this on the menu.
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7. Oh, uh, Tim, this is Phoebe,
Phoebe, this is Tim, my new sous-chef.
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8. - Oh, so you're Monica's boss?
- Actually, she's my boss.
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9. - "Sous" is French for "under."
- Ah! I "sous-stand." Heh.
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10. Hey, Tim. I need a
calamari and a Caesar salad,
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11. and could you
give me the pesto?
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12. - Yeah.
- You... you made pesto?
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13. Yes, I did.
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14. Would you say your pesto
is the best-o? Heh.
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15. I don't know, but I would
say it's pretty good-o.
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16. All right, I still need the
calamari and the Caesar salad.
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17. - I like your necklace.
- Oh, I made it myself.
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18. - You are so talented.
- Well, it's no pesto.
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19. All right, all right, let's just cut to the
chase, okay? You're single, you're single.
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20. He gets off work at 11:00.
She'll be waiting for your call.
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21. I'll give him your number if I could just
get one calamari and one Caesar salad!
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22. I did not yell. I am not
putting a dollar in the jar.
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23. - Wow, Bing. Burning the midnight oil.
- You know me, sir.
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24. Oh, uh, I do have a
question for you.
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25. Do you know how I can get around
the office computer network
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26. so I can access the
really good Internet porn?
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27. You're a joker, Bing.
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28. What's funny about that?
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29. Hey, sorry I kept
you waiting so long.
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30. Hey, that's okay. So,
where do you want to go?
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31. Oh, uh, I think you know
where I want to go.
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32. - The Hard Rock Cafe?
- Yeah.
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33. - Again?
- Yeah!
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34. - I'm telling you, I like the food.
- You like the Purple Rain display.
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35. - Hey, Bob.
- Hey, Toby, have a good night.
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36. - Did that guy just call you Toby?
- Yeah, he thinks that's my name.
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37. - Well, why don't you correct him?
- Oh, it's been going on way too long now.
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38. I mean, the first time he
said it, we were just passing
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39. each other in the hallway
so I didn't say anything.
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40. And then the next time he said,
"Hey, Toby, you want a doughnut?"
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41. And, I... I wanted
a doughnut.
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42. And now it's five years later, the
doughnut's gone and I'm still Toby.
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43. Five years? Chandler,
you have to tell him.
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44. No, that would be so awkward.
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45. Look, besides, we work in
different departments.
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46. He's on the sixth
floor, you know.
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47. So he calls me Toby once in a while.
What's the big deal? Could be worse.
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48. It's not like he's
calling me Muriel.
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49. Muriel. Why would
he call you Muriel?
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50. Oh, my God.
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51. Chandler M. Bing.
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52. It's not just an "M."
Your middle name is Muriel!
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53. Shh! It is a family name.
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54. Chandler Muriel Bing.
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55. Boy, your parents never even
gave you a chance, did they?
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56. Drake, I've discovered the reason
for all your headaches and memory loss.
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57. What is it?
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58. Apparently, your brain transplant
was not entirely successful.
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59. It seems your body
is rejecting Jessica's brain.
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60. Is it serious?
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61. Not if we extract tissue
from the original host body,
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62. synthesize antibodies, and
introduce them into your system,
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63. which could stop it
from rejecting the brain.
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64. Well, that sounds simple enough.
Let's just do that.
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65. We would, but when we went
to exhume Jessica's body,
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66. it was gone.
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67. Cut! Very nice, people.
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68. Okay, let me just get changed,
then we can go to dinner.
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69. Wh...? Oh.
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70. Well, what happened
to Jessica's body?
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71. I'm not telling. You'll
have to see it on TV.
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72. - You don't know, do you?
- No. Couldn't care less.
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73. Hey, good scene, man.
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74. - Hey, you, too.
- All right.
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75. - What? You weren't in it.
- Oh!
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76. Oh, sorry. Uh, Kash, this is my friend
Rachel. Rachel, Kash. Kash, Rachel.
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77. - Hi.
- Hi. So, how come
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78. I haven't seen you here before?
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79. Well, heh. Joey probably
just thinks I'll embarrass him.
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80. He thinks I'm some kind
of soap opera nut. Ha-ha-ha.
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81. Which I'm not,
I'm not. Ha, ha.
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82. Although, I do know that your favorite
ice cream flavor is butter pecan.
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83. And, uh... and that
your dog's name is Wally.
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84. Well, look at that, I'm
just stroking your arm.
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85. Here we go! Here we go.
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86. Oh, we're leaving. Bye, Kash.
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87. - Bye.
- Say hi to Wally.
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88. - Ooh, Monica.
- Hi.
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89. Oh, my God. I had the best time
with Tim last night. He is so sweet.
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90. Oh, I can't wait to
get "sous-neath" him.
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91. - Uh... I, I have to fire him.
- But why?
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92. Because he's terrible. Okay?
He's slow, he burns things.
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93. Last night he lit
my pastry chef on fire.
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94. Maybe he was just nervous. You
know, you can be very intimidating.
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95. Besides, I've met your pastry chef, and she
can stand to be taken down a peg or two.
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96. Well, now she has no eyebrows.
Mission accomplished.
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97. But Monica,
he loves his job so much.
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98. Can't you just give him
another chance, please?
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99. All right, but if he lights someone
else on fire, he is out of there!
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100. That's fair.
Thank you so much. Thanks.
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101. Oops. Looks like when he got the pastry
chef, he got you a little bit, too.
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102. I paid to have this done.
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103. Love it!
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104. - Hey.
- Hi.
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105. Oh, you know, uh, Kash
really liked you the other day.
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106. - He said he thought you were charming.
- Oh!
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107. - I thought I was a complete idiot.
- Hey, I'm with you.
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108. He even asked me if I thought
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109. - you'd go out with him.
- Oh,
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110. oh, I think I'm going
to throw up a little bit.
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111. - What did you say?
- I said, "No." Heh.
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112. What?
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113. I just figured since you're pregnant,
you're not going to be seeing people.
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114. Okay, Joey...
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115. first of all, Kash Ford?
Not people.
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116. Second of all, what did he say
when you told him I was pregnant?
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117. I didn't tell him. I didn't know
if you were telling people.
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118. This was back when I thought
Kash was still "people."
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119. Okay, don't tell him, just
have him call me, okay?
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120. I really don't think
that's such a great...
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121. Okay, you go do it!
I'll come back to that set,
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122. and I'll meet more actors.
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123. - I'll meet them all!
- Yup.
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124. - Hey, Bob.
- Hey, how's my pal Toby doing today?
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125. - If I see him, I'll ask.
- Aah! Toby!
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126. - No, no, no, no, no.
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127. Hey, hey, Bing. Was that Bob from
six you were just talking to?
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128. - Yeah, that was him.
- Well, then you know each other.
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129. We're on a semi
first-name basis.
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130. What do you think of
adding him to our team?
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131. Bob? Ooh.
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132. Working here with us?
Every day?
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133. Yeah, I don't know
if he has what it takes.
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134. - Really? They love him down on six.
- But this is 11.
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135. It's almost twice
as hard up here.
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136. Okay, I hear you
loud and clear.
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137. - Bob will stay put.
- I think it's best, sir.
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138. But we really do need to find someone
up here. The work is starting to pile up.
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139. I've got a stack of documents
on my desk this high.
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140. You know what you should do?
Just toss them in the shredder
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141. and claim you never got them.
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142. That's a good one, Bing.
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143. What does a guy have to do
to be taken seriously around here?
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144. - Hey.
- Hey. Okay, I gave him another chance
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145. - but Tim has got to go.
- But...
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146. No. No, no.
He is totally incompetent.
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147. Okay, I called the chef who
recommended him to me.
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148. He said, "Ha, ha! Gotcha!"
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149. - Okay, okay, but you can't fire him today.
- Why not?
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150. - Because I'm dumping him today.
- What? You said he was so sweet.
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151. He is sweet. He's too sweet!
He calls me all the time.
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152. "So, did you get home from work okay?
Did you get out of the shower okay?"
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153. - Well, just don't pick up your phone.
- Then he comes over.
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154. "I'm so worried about you."
Ugh, be a man!
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155. What? So now I'm
not allowed to fire him?
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156. We can't fire him and dump him
in the same day. He'll kill himself.
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157. I'll fire him today and you go
out with him for another week.
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158. Are you kidding? Another week
with that simp, I'll kill myself.
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159. Okay, well, then we'll both do it today
and he'll just have to deal with it.
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160. Okay, but the question is,
who's going to go first?
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161. 'Cause whoever goes second
is the bitch.
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162. - What do you mean?
- Come on. The boss that fires a guy
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163. that's just been dumped? Bitch!
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164. And the woman who dumps a guy
that's just been fired?
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165. Blonde bitch!
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166. I wanted to do this days ago,
so I think I should go first.
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167. Ugh. All right,
that makes sense.
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168. Errgh, but...
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169. screw you, I'm going first!
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170. - Hey, Toby, you got a sec?
- Sure, what's up?
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171. I just had a meeting. I was actually
hoping to get transferred up here.
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172. But I just found out
it's not going to happen.
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173. Apparently somebody thinks
I'm not 11th-floor material.
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174. Say, uh... who the
hell is this Chandler?
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175. Hey, what do you think
is a better excuse for
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176. why I'm not drinking on
this date tonight...
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177. um, "I'm a recovering alcoholic,"
"I'm a Mormon,"
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178. or "I got so hammered last night,
I'm still a little drunk"?
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179. Hey.
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180. Hi.
- Hey.
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181. So, what do you
want to do tonight?
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182. There's a Ukrainian film at the Angelika
that's supposed to be very powerful.
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183. - Interested?
- No. No,
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184. but I'll go see a
normal-person movie with you.
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185. - Rach, you want to come?
- Oh, no, I can't. I got a date.
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186. - Heh. A date?
- Yeah. Why, is that weird for you?
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187. Why, no, it's the opposite of weird.
It's, it's, uh, it's regular. It's, uh...
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188. it's mundane. It's,
it's actually a little dull.
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189. It's no Ukrainian film,
I'll tell you.
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190. Ooh, earrings!
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191. - A date? She's got a date? With who?
- I set her up with this actor on my show.
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192. - You set her up?
- No.
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193. - Joey, what were you thinking?
- I was thinking that it'd probably be okay
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194. because Ross hasn't gone out
with Rachel in five years.
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195. Joey, I'm not worried about her.
I'm worried about my baby.
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196. Whoever she dates,
my baby dates.
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197. Now, now, where is this
"actor" taking them?
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198. Hey! I'm an "actor" too.
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199. I'm not sure. I think
they're taking the ferry
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200. out to some Italian
place on Staten Island.
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201. A ferry?
My baby is going on a ferry.
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202. Do you have any idea
how dangerous those are?
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203. Aren't we talking about those
big boats that carry cars?
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204. They go, like, five
miles an hour?
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205. Why don't they just jump out of
an airplane, huh? That's a fun date.
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206. Or burn each other with matches?
That's fun, too.
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207. Whoo!
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208. - Hey, Joey.
- Hey, Kash.
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209. Uh, hey, this is Ross.
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210. - Ross, this is Kash.
- Hey.
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211. Hey, I hear you're going on
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212. - a ferry tonight.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
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213. Bit of a daredevil, are we?
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214. Hey, you guys. Do you think
this is too slutty? Hi, Kash.
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215. - Hey, Rachel.
- Hi.
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216. - You ready to go?
- Yeah. All right, I'll see you guys later.
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217. Okay. Have a great
time, you guys.
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218. Thank you.
- Thank you.
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219. And yes, it is too slutty!
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220. - Hi.
- Ah!
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221. Hi.
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222. I'm so glad you called. I feel
like it's always me calling you.
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223. So, what's up? Is everything
okay with Phoebe?
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224. It will be, in a minute.
Listen...
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225. - Tim, you're a really great guy.
- That's because I'm with you.
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226. Aww.
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227. I'm just, I'm in a place in
my life right now where I...
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228. Oops! I'm so sorry.
"This just in." Heh.
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229. Oh, it's 911 from the restaurant.
That means Monica needs me right away.
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230. Oh, oh, no, she doesn't! I know
what that is; you can stay.
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231. Aww.
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232. I'll miss you,
too, Pheebs.
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233. And I will be holding you...
right here.
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234. So, what movie do you want to see?
And not another one I have to read, okay?
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235. I get enough of
that from books.
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236. - Books?
- All right, car magazines, cereal boxes...
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237. but it's, like, enough!
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238. Well, I tell you what,
why don't we, uh...?
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239. Why don't we just stay here?
Let's not see a movie; we'll just hang.
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240. And just wait for Rachel
to come back from her date?
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241. Hey, if that's what you want
to do, I'm not going to say no.
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242. Dude, what is going on?
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243. - I just... I have to find out how it went.
- Why?
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244. This guy could be
my baby's stepfather.
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245. They go on one date and you're
worried about them getting married?
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246. He's not you!
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247. I just... I... I can't believe
she's... she's dating.
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248. Well, Ross, what did you
think she was going to do?
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249. I don't know.
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250. I guess I just can't believe
any of this is happening.
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251. Wh-What do you mean?
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252. It's just that I always thought when
I had another kid, it'd be different.
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253. You know, I... I love
Ben, but every time
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254. I have to drop him off
at Carol and Susan's...
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255. it's like, it breaks
my heart a little.
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256. I mean, I... I've always had this picture
of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday,
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257. and my kid comes running
in, and leaps up onto
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258. the bed and we all read
the paper together,
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259. you know? Maybe fight
over the Science section.
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260. That's a nice picture.
Maybe you could still have that.
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261. No, no, I can't. I mean,
Rachel's out with some guy.
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262. My baby went with her.
Copy !req
263. Well, if anything, that picture
keeps moving further away.
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264. Hey, can I ask you something?
Copy !req
265. In this... in this picture of you and
your wife... is your wife Rachel?
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266. It used to be.
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267. Now... now she doesn't
really have a face.
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268. Smokin' body, though.
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269. Yeah, good call. Yeah, but the face,
Ross, the face isn't Rachel.
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270. No, but... aah, how much easier
would it be if it were?
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271. Yeah, I know, but I don't
think that's what she wants.
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272. No, it's not
what I want, either.
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273. I mean, I can't force myself
to fall in love with her again.
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274. Okay, Ross, maybe you
need a new picture.
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275. Okay? It's not going to be what
you thought, but no matter what,
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276. there's going to be a brand
new little baby. Your baby.
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277. Who cares what the
picture looks like?
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278. Yeah.
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279. Hey, tell you what. Let's you and me
go out and have some fun,
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280. huh? Whatever you want.
Come on.
Copy !req
281. - We can still catch that Ukrainian film.
- No, I said fun.
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282. - Hey, Toby?
- Hey, Bobby.
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283. It's "Bob," actually.
Copy !req
284. Hey, you work up here. Can you tell
me where this Chandler Bing's office is?
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285. Uh... yeah. Yeah, it's...
it's right-right-right down...
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286. Yeah.
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287. Right there. Yeah.
Let me ask you, why?
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288. Ha, ha, I want to talk to that
bastard, see what his problem is.
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289. Okay, Bob, listen, uh...
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290. I'm the reason you didn't
get the job up here.
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291. - Toby, don't.
- Bob...
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292. Toby, I'm not going to
let you cover for him.
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293. Anything you say right now will just
get me more upset with Chandler.
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294. Well, that puts me
in a difficult position.
Copy !req
295. - Hey.
- Hey.
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296. - I got your page. Is everything okay?
- Uh, well, th-that depends.
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297. How are things with Phoebe?
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298. Oh, it's great. It's great. Thank
you so much for introducing us.
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299. Oh, my pleasure. Okay, I'm
afraid I've got some bad news.
Copy !req
300. - Phoebe!
- Monica!
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301. I'm...
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302. - I'm breaking up with you!
- You're fired!
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303. - What?
- I'm... I'm breaking up with you.
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304. - You're fired.
- Wh-Why?
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305. I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm... I'm just not
ready for a relationship right now.
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306. An-And I'm sorry, too, but... well,
I just, I like things done a certain way,
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307. and the chemistry's
just not right.
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308. Ooh, that's good. The
chemistry thing for us, too.
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309. Wow, heh.
Um, okay. Um...
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310. I... I... I... I realize
I came on a little strong,
Copy !req
311. but it's only because
I think you're so amazing.
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312. And, uh,
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313. I... I just want to... I
want to tell you how much
Copy !req
314. I appreciate you giving
me an opportunity here
Copy !req
315. because I... you're the most
talented chef I've ever worked for.
Copy !req
316. Anyway, heh...
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317. Tim, wait. Wait.
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318. - Yeah?
- Um...
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319. I think I spoke too quickly. Th-There's
a learning curve with this job, and...
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320. - maybe we could try it again.
- Really?
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321. - Yeah.
- Thank you so much,
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322. - because I know I can be better.
- Okay.
Copy !req
323. And Tim... I just want
to say good luck here.
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324. Hello.
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325. - Hi.
- Ha, ha.
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326. Uh, how was the date?
Copy !req
327. Well, I'm alone and I just bought $15
worth of candy bars. What do you think?
Copy !req
328. - Uh-huh. What happened?
- Made the mistake
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329. of telling him that
I was pregnant.
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330. - Oh, he didn't, uh, take it so well?
- Well, better than you.
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331. - But, you know, still not what you want.
- Oh?
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332. Yeah, he got all weird and
sputtery, and then he said, uh,
Copy !req
333. "Yeah, I hear those
hemorrhoids are a bitch."
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334. - He sounds swell.
- Doesn't he? Mm.
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335. Hey, you want a...
you want a little cheering up?
Copy !req
336. - Yes.
- Sit down.
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337. Okay.
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338. Guess whose middle
name is Muriel?
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339. - Chandler M. Bing.
- Yeah-uh.
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340. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
341. Hmm...
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342. - I'm sorry about your date.
- Aw, it's all right.
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343. I guess I'm just done with
the whole dating thing.
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344. It's just one more thing in my life
that is suddenly completely different.
Copy !req
345. - This is hard.
- Yeah, I know.
Copy !req
346. On the other hand, in, uh...
Copy !req
347. in about seven months
you're going to have something
Copy !req
348. that you're going to love more than
any guy you've ever gone out with.
Copy !req
349. Just wait. Wait until, uh...
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350. wait until the first time
your baby grabs your finger.
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351. You have no idea.
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352. Thanks, sweetie.
Mm-mm.
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353. You, uh, you want
to grab some coffee?
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354. Oh, no. I think I'm going to
go home and eat ten candy bars.
Copy !req
355. - Hey, I... I thought I cheered you up.
- Oh, you did...
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356. - there are 20 in here.
- Right.
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357. - Good night.
- Good night.
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358. - Ross?
- Yeah?
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359. Hey, it's Mona.
From the wedding.
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360. - Oh, hi!
- Hi.
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361. Wow, uh...
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362. - how are you?
- I'm good, except, um,
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363. you still owe me a dance.
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364. - Oh, that's right.
- Mm.
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365. Well, uh, would you be interested
in seeing a Ukrainian film?
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366. Oh, you're serious. Sure.
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367. Great, well, um...
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368. I... I think I might need
one more cup of coffee.
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369. - Sure. Uh, let me get it for you.
- Okay.
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370. Bob. Bob!
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371. Bob!
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372. What the hell are you doing?
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373. I just found out
this is Chandler's office.
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374. Come on, Toby,
give me a hand.
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