1. Okay, this one's rare.
This one is medium well. Go!
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2. - Hey, Phoebe! How was dinner?
- Hey!
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3. Dinner was good! Just saying hi!
Now I'm gonna go!
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4. All right, okay.
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5. - Oh. Well, hello there.
- Hi.
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6. I didn't see this on the menu.
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7. Phoebe, this is Tim, my new sous chef.
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8. - Oh. So you're Monica's boss?
- Actually, she's my boss.
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9. - "Sous" is French for "under."
- Ah! I "sous-stand." Heh.
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10. Tim, I need a calamari and a caesar salad.
And could you get me the pesto?
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11. - Yeah.
- You made pesto?
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12. Yes, I did.
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13. Would you say your pesto
is the best-o? Heh.
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14. I don't know.
I would say it's pretty good-o.
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15. I still need the calamari and the salad.
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16. - I like your necklace.
- Oh, I made it myself.
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17. - You are so talented.
- Well, it's no pesto.
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18. All right, let's just cut to the chase.
Okay? You're single, you're single.
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19. He gets off work at 11.
She'll be waiting for your call.
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20. I'll give him your number if I could
just get calamari and caesar salad!
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21. I did not yell.
I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
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22. - Wow, Bing! Burning the midnight oil.
- You know me, sir.
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23. Oh, I have a question. Do you know how
can I get around the computer network...
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24. so I can access
the really good Internet porn?
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25. You're a joker, Bing.
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26. What's funny about that?
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27. - Sorry I kept you waiting so long.
- That's okay. Where do you wanna go?
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28. Oh, uh, I think you know
where I wanna go.
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29. - The Hard Rock Cafe?
- Yeah.
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30. - Again?
- Yeah.
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31. - I'm telling you, I like the food.
- You like the Purple Rain display.
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32. - Hey, Bob.
- Hey, Toby. Have a good night.
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33. - Did that guy just call you Toby?
- Yeah, he thinks that's my name.
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34. - Why don't you correct him?
- Oh, it's been way too long now.
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35. The first time, we were passing each other
so I didn't say anything.
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36. The next time he said,
"Hey, Toby, want a doughnut?"
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37. And I wanted the doughnut.
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38. Five years later, the doughnut's gone
and I'm still Toby.
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39. - Five years? Chandler, you have to tell him.
- No, that would be so awkward.
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40. Besides, we work in different departments.
He's on the sixth floor.
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41. So he calls me Toby once in a while.
Big deal. Could be worse.
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42. It's not like he's calling me Muriel.
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43. Muriel.
Why would he call you Muriel?
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44. Oh, my God.
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45. Chandler M. Bing.
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46. It's not just an M.
Your middle name is Muriel!
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47. Shh! It is a family name.
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48. Chandler Muriel Bing.
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49. Your parents never even
gave you a chance, did they?
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50. Drake, I've discovered the reason
for your headaches and memory loss.
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51. What is it?
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52. Apparently, your brain transplant
was not entirely successful.
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53. It seems your body
is rejecting Jessica's brain.
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54. Is it serious?
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55. Not if we extract tissue
from the original body...
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56. synthesize antibodies,
introduce them into your system...
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57. which could stop you
from rejecting the brain.
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58. That sounds simple enough.
Let's just do that.
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59. We would, but when we went
to exhume Jessica's body...
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60. it was gone.
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61. Cut. Very nice, people.
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62. - Let me change and we can go to dinner.
- Wh...? Oh.
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63. - What happened to Jessica's body?
- I'm not telling. You'll have to see it on TV.
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64. - You don't know, do you?
- No. Couldn't care less.
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65. - Hey, good scene, man. All right.
- You too.
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66. - What? You weren't in it.
- Oh...
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67. Oh, sorry. Uh, Kash,
this is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Kash.
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68. - Hi.
- How come I haven't seen you here before?
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69. Well, heh. Joey probably
just thinks I'll embarrass him.
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70. He thinks I'm some kind
of soap opera nut. Ha-ha-ha.
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71. Which I'm not. I'm not. Ha, ha.
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72. Although, I do know your favorite
ice cream flavor is butter pecan.
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73. And, uh... And your dog's name is Wally.
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74. - Look at that, I'm just stroking your arm.
- Here we go.
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75. We're leaving. Bye, Kash.
Say hi to Wally.
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76. - Oh, Monica.
- Hi.
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77. Oh, my God, I had the best time
with Tim last night. He is so sweet.
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78. Ugh! I can't wait to get "sous-neath" him.
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79. - Uh, I... I have to fire him.
- Why?
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80. Because He's terrible.
He's slow. He burns things.
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81. Last night he lit my pastry chef on fire.
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82. He was nervous.
You can be very intimidating.
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83. And I've met your pastry chef.
She can stand to be taken down a peg.
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84. Well, now she has no eyebrows.
Mission accomplished.
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85. But Monica, he loves his job so much.
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86. Can't you just give him
another chance, please?
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87. All right. But if he lights someone
else on fire, he is out of there.
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88. That's fair. Thank you so much. Thanks.
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89. Oops, looks like when he got the pastry
chef, he got you a little bit too.
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90. I paid to have this done.
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91. Love it!
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92. - Hey.
- Hi.
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93. Oh, you know, uh,
Kash really liked you the other day.
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94. - He said he thought you were charming.
- Ha!
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95. - I thought I was an idiot.
- I'm with you.
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96. - He asked if you'd go out with him.
- Oh!
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97. Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up a little.
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98. - What did you say?
- I said, "No." Heh.
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99. What?
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100. I figured since you're pregnant,
you're not gonna be seeing people.
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101. Okay, Joey.
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102. First of all, Kash Ford? Not people.
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103. Second, what did he say
when you told him I was pregnant?
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104. I didn't. I didn't know
if you were telling people.
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105. This was back when I thought Kash
was still "people."
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106. - Good. Don't. Just have him call me.
- I really don't think that's such...
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107. Okay, you go do it.
I'll come back to that set.
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108. - I'll meet more actors. I'll meet them all.
- Yup.
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109. - Hey, Bob.
- Hey! How's my pal Toby doing today?
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110. - If I see him, I'll ask.
- Aah!
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111. Hey, Bing. Was that Bob from six
you were just talking to?
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112. - Yeah.
- You know each other?
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113. We're on a semi-first-name basis.
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114. What do you think
of adding him to our team?
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115. Bob? Ooh.
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116. Working here with us? Every day?
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117. Yeah, I don't know if he has what it takes.
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118. - Really? They love him down on six.
- But this is 11.
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119. It's almost twice as hard up here.
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120. Okay, I hear you loud and clear.
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121. - Bob will stay put.
- I think it's best, sir.
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122. We really do need to find somebody.
Work is starting to pile up.
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123. I've got a stack of documents on my desk
this high.
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124. What you should do,
toss them in the shredder...
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125. and claim you never got them.
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126. That's a good one, Bing.
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127. What does a guy have to do
to be taken seriously around here?
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128. - Hey.
- Okay, I gave him another chance...
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129. but Tim has got to go.
- But...
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130. No! No, no. He's totally incompetent.
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131. I called the chef
who recommended him to me.
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132. He said, "Ha, ha! Gotcha!"
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133. - Okay, but you can't fire him today.
- Why not?
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134. - Because I'm dumping him today.
- What? You said he was sweet.
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135. He is sweet. He's too sweet.
He calls me all the time.
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136. "Did you get home from work okay?
Did you get out of the shower okay?"
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137. - Just don't pick up your phone.
- Then he comes over!
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138. "I was worried about you."
Ugh, be a man!
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139. So now I'm not allowed to fire him?
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140. You can't fire him and dump him
in the same day. He'll kill himself.
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141. I fire him today,
you go out with him another week.
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142. Are you kidding? Another week
with that simp, I'll kill myself.
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143. Then we'll both do it today
and he'll just have to deal with it.
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144. Okay. But the question is,
who's gonna go first?
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145. Whoever goes second is the bitch.
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146. - What do you mean?
- The boss that fires a guy...
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147. that's just been dumped? Bitch!
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148. And the woman who dumps a guy
that's just been fired?
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149. Blond bitch!
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150. I wanted to do this days ago,
so I think I should go first.
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151. Ugh. All right, that makes sense.
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152. Agh, but...
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153. screw you! I'm going first!
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154. - Hey, Toby, you got a sec?
- Sure, what's up?
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155. I just had a meeting.
I was hoping to get transferred up here.
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156. But I found out it's not gonna happen.
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157. Apparently somebody thinks
I'm not "11 th-floor material."
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158. Say, uh, who the hell is this Chandler?
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159. What do you think is the better excuse
for why I'm not drinking on this date?
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160. Um, "I'm a recovering alcoholic,"
"I'm a Mormon"...
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161. or "I got so hammered last night
I'm still a little drunk"?
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162. - Hey.
Hi.
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163. So, what do you want to do tonight?
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164. There's a Ukrainian film at the Angelika
that's supposed to be very powerful.
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165. - Interested?
- No. No.
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166. But I'll go see
a normal-person movie with you.
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167. - Rach, you wanna come?
- Oh, no, I can't. I got a date.
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168. - Heh. A date?
- Yeah. Why, is that weird for you?
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169. Why, no. It's the opposite of weird.
It's, uh... It's regular. It's, uh...
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170. It's mundane. It's actually a little dull.
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171. It's no Ukrainian film, I'll tell you.
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172. Ooh! Earrings!
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173. - A date? She's got a date? With who?
- I set her up with this actor on my show.
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174. - You set her up?
- No.
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175. - Joey, what were you thinking?
- That it would probably be okay...
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176. because Ross hasn't gone out
with Rachel in five years.
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177. Joey, I'm not worried about her.
I'm worried about my baby.
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178. Whoever she dates, my baby dates.
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179. - Where is this "actor" taking them?
- Hey! I'm an "actor" too.
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180. I'm not sure. I think they're taking the ferry
to some Italian place on Staten Island.
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181. A ferry? My baby's going on a ferry?
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182. Do you have any idea
how dangerous those are?
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183. Aren't we talking about those big boats
that go, like, five miles an hour?
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184. Why don't they just jump out
of an airplane? That's a fun date.
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185. Or burn each other with matches?
That's fun too.
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186. Whoo!
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187. - Hey, Joey.
- Hey, Kash.
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188. - Uh, hey, Ross, this is Kash.
- Hey.
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189. - Hey, I hear you're going on a ferry tonight.
- Yeah.
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190. Bit of a daredevil, are we?
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191. Hey, you guys, do you think
this is too slutty? Hi, Kash.
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192. - Hey, Rachel. You ready to go?
- Yeah. See you guys later.
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193. - Okay. Have a great time, you guys.
Thank you.
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194. And yes, it is too slutty!
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195. - Hi.
- Ah!
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196. Hi.
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197. I'm so glad you called.
I feel like it's always me calling you.
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198. So, what's up?
Is everything okay with Phoebe?
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199. It will be in a minute. Listen.
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200. - Tim, you're a really great guy.
- That's because I'm with you.
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201. Aw.
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202. I'm just... I'm in a place in my life
right now where I...
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203. Whoops! So sorry. "This just in." Heh.
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204. It's 911 from the restaurant.
That means Monica needs me.
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205. Oh, no, she doesn't! I know what that is.
You can stay.
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206. Aw...
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207. I'll miss you too, Pheebs.
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208. And I will be holding you right here.
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209. So, what movie do you wanna see?
And not another one I have to read.
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210. I get enough of that from books.
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211. - Books?
- All right, car magazines, cereal boxes...
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212. but it's, like, enough!
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213. I tell you what, why don't we...?
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214. Why don't we stay. Let's not see a movie.
We'll just hang.
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215. Just wait for Rachel
to come back from her date?
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216. Hey, if that's what you wanna do,
I'm not gonna say no.
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217. Dude, what is going on?
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218. - I just... I have to find out how it went.
- Why?
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219. This guy could be my baby's stepfather.
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220. They go on one date and you're worried
about them getting married?
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221. He's not you.
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222. I just, I can't believe she's dating.
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223. - What did you think she was gonna do?
- I don't know.
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224. I guess I can't believe
any of this is happening.
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225. What do you mean?
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226. I always thought when I had another kid,
it'd be different.
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227. I love Ben. But every time
I drop him off at Carol and Susan's...
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228. it breaks my heart a little.
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229. I've always had this picture
of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday.
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230. My kid comes running in, leaps up on
the bed and we all read the paper together.
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231. You know?
Maybe fight over the science section.
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232. That's a nice picture.
Maybe you can still have that.
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233. No, I can't. Rachel's out with some guy.
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234. My baby went with her.
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235. If anything, that picture
keeps moving further away.
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236. Hey, can I ask you something?
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237. In this picture of you and your wife,
is your wife Rachel?
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238. It used to be.
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239. Now she doesn't really have a face.
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240. Smoking body, though.
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241. Good call. But the face, Ross,
the face isn't Rachel.
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242. No. But, ugh, how much easier
would it be if it were?
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243. I know, but I don't think
that's what she wants.
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244. It's not what I want either.
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245. And I can't force myself
to fall in love with her again.
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246. Ross, maybe you need a new picture.
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247. Okay? It's not gonna be what you thought.
But no matter what...
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248. there's gonna be
a brand-new little baby. Your baby.
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249. Who cares what the picture looks like?
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250. Yeah.
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251. Hey, tell you what. Let's you and me
go out and have some fun.
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252. Huh? Whatever you want. Come on.
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253. - We can catch that Ukrainian film.
- No, I said fun.
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254. - Hey, Toby?
- Hey, Bobby.
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255. It's Bob, actually.
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256. You work up here. Can you tell me
where Chandler Bing's office is?
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257. Uh, yeah, it's right...
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258. Right there.
Let me ask you, why?
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259. Ha, ha, I wanna talk to that bastard,
see what his problem is.
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260. Okay, Bob, listen. Uh...
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261. I'm the reason you didn't get the job.
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262. - Toby, don't.
- Bob.
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263. Toby, I'm not gonna let you
cover for him.
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264. Anything you say will just get me
more upset with Chandler.
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265. Well that puts me in a difficult position.
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266. - I got your page. Is everything okay?
- Uh, well, that depends.
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267. - How are things with Phoebe?
- It's great. Thank you for introducing us.
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268. Oh, my pleasure. Okay,
I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
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269. - Phoebe!
- Monica!
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270. - I'm breaking up with you!
- You're fired!
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271. - What?
- I'm breaking up with you.
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272. - You're fired.
- Why?
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273. I'm sorry. I'm not ready
for a relationship right now.
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274. And I'm sorry too. But, well,
I like things done a certain way.
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275. - And the chemistry's just not right.
- Ooh, good. The chemistry thing for us too.
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276. Wow, heh. Um, okay. Um...
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277. I realize I came on a little strong.
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278. But it's only because
I think you're so amazing.
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279. And, uh...
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280. I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate
you giving me an opportunity here...
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281. because you're the most talented chef
I've ever worked for.
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282. Anyway, heh.
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283. - Tim, wait. Wait. Um...
- Yeah?
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284. I think I spoke too quickly.
There's a learning curve with this job.
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285. - Maybe we could try it again.
- Really?
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286. Thank you so much.
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287. - Because I know I can be better.
- Okay.
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288. And Tim, I just want to say
good luck here.
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289. - Hello. Ha, ha.
- Hi.
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290. Uh, how was the date?
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291. Well, I'm alone and I just bought $15
worth of candy bars. What do you think?
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292. - Huh. What happened?
- Made the mistake...
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293. of telling him that I was pregnant.
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294. - He didn't, uh, take it so well?
- Well, better than you.
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295. - But still not what you want.
- Oh?
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296. Yeah. He got all weird and sputtery.
Then he said, uh:
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297. "I hear those hemorrhoids
are a bitch."
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298. - He sounds swell.
- Doesn't he?
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299. Hey, you want a little cheering up?
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300. - Yes. Okay.
- Sit down.
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301. Guess whose middle name is Muriel?
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302. - Chandler M. Bing.
- Yu-huh.
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303. Oh, my God.
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304. - I'm sorry about your date.
- It's all right.
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305. I guess I'm just done
with the whole dating thing.
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306. Just one more thing in my life
that is suddenly completely different.
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307. - This is hard.
- Yeah, I know.
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308. On the other hand, in, um...
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309. In about seven months
you're gonna have something...
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310. that you're gonna love more than
any guy you've ever gone out with.
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311. Just wait. Wait until, uh...
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312. Wait until the first time
your baby grabs your finger.
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313. You have no idea.
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314. Thanks, sweetie.
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315. - You wanna grab some coffee?
- No. I'm gonna go eat 10 candy bars.
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316. - I thought I cheered you up.
- Oh, you did.
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317. - There are 20 in here.
- Right.
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318. - Good night.
- Good night.
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319. - Ross?
- Yeah?
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320. Hey, it's Mona. From the wedding.
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321. - Oh, hi!
- Hi.
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322. Wow, uh...
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323. - How are you?
- I'm good, except, um...
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324. you still owe me a dance.
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325. - Oh, that's right.
- Mm.
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326. Well, uh, would you be interested
in seeing a Ukrainian film?
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327. Oh, you're serious. Sure.
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328. Great. Well, uh...
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329. I think I might need
one more cup of coffee.
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330. - Sure, uh, let me get it for you.
- Okay.
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331. Bob? Bob!
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332. Bob!
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333. - What the hell are you doing?
- I just found out this is Chandler's office.
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334. Come on, Toby. Give me a hand!
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