1. Wait. Before we go in, I just
want you to know that I love you.
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2. And I had a great time
on our honeymoon.
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3. I can't wait to go in there and spend
the rest of our life together.
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4. You're sticking with
the shell necklace, huh?
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5. [DOOR OPENS]
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6. - Hey, you're back! Woo-hoo!
- Yay!
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7. [ALL CHATTERING]
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8. - Come on in!
- Yeah, come on!
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9. [PHOEBE LAUGHING]
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10. How was the honeymoon?
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11. So much fun. The best part is, we met
this incredible couple on the flight back.
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12. That was the best part?
Good honeymooning, tiger.
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13. They're cool.
They were on their honeymoon too.
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14. They're terrific. They live here in the city.
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15. Can we go call them? Is it too soon to call?
I wanna call.
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16. Sorry, we're excited. We finally
have a couple to hang out with.
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17. A couple? Like two people?
Like one, two people?
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18. This is different.
Greg and Jenny are in a relationship.
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19. Ugh, Greg and Jenny. Ugh!
"Hi, Greg. I'm Chandler. This is Monica."
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20. "Hi, Monica. This is Jenny."
"Hi, Jenny. Hi, Greg."
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21. [MUTTERS]
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22. - Listen, they're great. If you got a chance...
- You know what?
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23. Why don't you give us our souvenirs
and get the hell out of here.
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24. - We didn't get a chance to...
- You've got to be kidding me!
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25. - We didn't get anything for anyone.
- Mm-hm, yeah. Nice necklace.
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26. That you can have.
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27. - Hi.
MONICA: Hey!
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28. - Hello!
- Welcome home.
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29. So, how was the honeymoon?
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30. Great! How about you?
I mean, you're having a baby!
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31. - Oh, look, I have a sonogram picture.
- Oh, good.
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32. Ross, it's got your wavy, black lines.
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33. So now that Ross knows,
can you tell us how it happened?
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34. When did it happen?
How many times did it happen?
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35. - Monica, that's not right.
- What?
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36. Start with where.
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37. Well, it happened about six weeks ago.
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38. And, uh, I had just got home from work
and Ross was already there.
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39. - I guess he'd been hanging out with Joey.
- You're welcome, buddy.
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40. Yeah, thanks.
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41. And so I had a lot of work, and Ross,
nice guy that he is, offered to help me out.
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42. And then we had wine,
we got to talking.
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43. Next thing you know,
out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
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44. Um, heh. That's...
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45. That's a little misleading.
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46. - What is?
- The lie you just told.
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47. - That you came on to me?
- There's the one!
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48. - But you did. Let's be honest.
- Yes, let's.
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49. You know what? Uh, it's not important.
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50. Heh, what's important is
that we're having a baby.
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51. It doesn't matter who came on to who.
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52. "Whom."
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53. That's right.
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54. - You kissed me first.
- What? You were begging me to kiss you!
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55. You were sending me signals
all over the place.
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56. - I was sending signals? Please.
- Yeah.
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57. Okay, anyone think that
I'd actually send Ross begging signals?
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58. Please, show of hands.
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59. It doesn't matter what people "believe."
What matters is what happened.
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60. These signals, explain this.
Maybe I need to be more careful.
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61. Am I you sending these signals
right now?
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62. - You know what? Just drop it.
- Show me how I begged you.
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63. I can show you!
I have it on videotape.
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64. It's an expression.
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65. I can't believe he taped
the two of them having sex.
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66. Yeah. You gotta tell a girl
before you tape her.
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67. Such a rookie mistake.
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68. - Know who has a great camera?
- Greg and Jenny?
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69. - Do you want to call them? I want to.
- Let's call.
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70. Ask them if they brought
their friends souvenirs.
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71. Hello? 8th Street Deli?
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72. Hey, hang up. You get food poisoning
just talking to that place.
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73. - Sorry, wrong number.
- Here you go, babe.
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74. Hello? It's the deli again!
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75. All right, I'll have a sandwich.
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76. I don't think this number's right.
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77. [CHUCKLING]
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78. - What?
- You got fake-numbered.
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79. - What? People don't do that.
- Oh, I think we do.
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80. - A fake number? Why would they do that?
- I don't know.
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81. You were a delight to talk to.
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82. You asked those insightful,
great questions.
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83. And you've never been funnier.
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84. I mean, joke, joke, joke!
You were a hoot!
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85. Don't worry about it.
You still got me and Phoebe.
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86. Excuse me, I don't want
Greg and Jenny's rejects.
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87. Rachel won't talk to me.
She won't open the door.
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88. Hmm, I wonder why, pervert.
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89. Okay, listen, I am not a pervert.
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90. That's, like, the pervert motto.
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91. Yeah, they have you
raise your right hand...
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92. ...put your left hand down your pants
and repeat that.
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93. Filming Rachel was not
something I planned.
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94. Look, here's what happened.
And Joey can back me up on this.
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95. About a month and a half ago,
remember I came to you with a problem?
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96. Um, a...
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97. The personal thing?
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98. - Pers...? What personal thing?
- About... About sex?
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99. That I hadn't had sex in months?
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100. Yeah, I knew what
you were talking about.
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101. - Hey.
- Hey.
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102. Do you have a minute?
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103. I'd like to talk about something
I'm uncomfortable talking about.
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104. Sure, yeah.
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105. How about, uh,
you showering with your mom?
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106. I actually had a topic in mind.
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107. I'm kind of going through
a dry spell, sex-wise.
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108. - Oh, for, like, months?
- Five, to be...
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109. ...lying. Six.
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110. Six months? That's rough.
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111. Well, it's not all bad. I'm learning to
appreciate the, uh, small things in life.
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112. Like the sound of a bird,
or the color of the sky.
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113. The sky's blue, Ross.
And I had sex yesterday.
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114. Please help me.
I have a date tonight.
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115. It has to go well.
I'm scared for my health.
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116. Okay, okay. Oh! I got something.
It's this story that I came up with.
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117. Very romantic.
Any woman that hears it, they're like putty.
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118. Really? Tell it to me.
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119. Okay. Now, you're gonna want to have sex
with me when you hear it.
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120. But you have to remember,
it is just the story.
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121. - I'll try to control myself.
- Okay. Ahem.
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122. Years ago, when I was backpacking
across Western Europe...
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123. Heh, you were backpacking
across Europe?
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124. - Have a nice six more months, Ross.
- Okay, okay!
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125. I'm sorry. Please, please.
You were in Western Europe, and?
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126. I was outside Barcelona, hiking
in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo.
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127. I was at the end of this path.
I came to a clearing, and there was a lake.
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128. Very secluded.
There were tall trees all around.
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129. It was dead silent. Gorgeous.
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130. And across the lake I saw
a beautiful woman bathing herself.
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131. But she was crying.
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132. Why?
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133. [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
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134. Mm! Mm, this is great wine.
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135. It's from France.
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136. In Europe.
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137. Western Europe.
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138. You know, um, a few years ago
I was backpacking across Western Europe.
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139. - Really?
- Mm-hm. Wait, it gets better.
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140. Um, yeah, I was in, um, Barcelona.
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141. I studied for a year in Barcelona.
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142. - Anyway, um, so I was hiking...
- I love hiking!
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143. Oh, that's great!
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144. I was hiking along the foothills
of Mount Tibidaybo...
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145. - I think it's "Tibidabo."
- Okay, do you want to tell the story?
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146. Whoa, what are you doing here?
How'd your date go?
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147. Great. I'm across the street
having sex right now.
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148. - Your story sucks.
- If it didn't work, you didn't tell it right.
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149. - Show me how you did it.
- No, I don't want to.
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150. - How long since you seen a girl naked?
- I was backpacking across Western Europe.
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151. - I'm not feeling it.
- I was outside Barcelona, hiking...
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152. - No, Ross, I'm not hot. Are you hot?
- It's been six months. I'm always hot.
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153. You're not selling the story.
You don't believe it.
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154. I gotta go, I got a date.
But try this.
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155. Do what I do
when I'm preparing for an audition.
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156. I'll set you up with my video camera.
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157. You can record yourself
and see what you're doing wrong.
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158. I'll try that.
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159. All right. Now, you're all set up.
Good to go.
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160. - Just hit record. Good luck.
- Thanks.
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161. And Joe, listen. If you ever have
any problem with the ladies...
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162. ...you know I'll help you out.
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163. That means a lot to me, man.
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164. Hello.
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165. Can I get you anything?
Lens cleaner? Your battery okay?
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166. - Rachel.
- Oh, Ross.
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167. - Hi.
- Thank God you're here.
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168. You have to help me.
Were you just talking to yourself?
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169. That's less embarrassing.
Yes. Yes, I was.
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170. ROSS: When she came in, I got distracted
and totally forgot about the camera.
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171. It kept rolling and recorded everything.
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172. - Yeah, we're gonna need to see that tape.
- Yeah.
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173. What a great idea!
That'll get Rachel to forgive me.
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174. This is not fair to her.
Let's forget the tape.
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175. Thank you.
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176. [MOUTHS]
You'll show it to me.
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177. - No.
- You're right.
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178. - Joey, no.
- Loud and clear.
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179. I don't get why Greg and Jenny
would give us a fake number.
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180. You know, if they knew
what they were doing...
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181. ...they didn't give you real names either.
- Okay.
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182. Maybe people give out fake numbers,
but they don't give out fake names.
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183. Oh, yeah?
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184. Hi. Ken Adams. Nice to meet you.
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185. Regina Phalange.
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186. - We didn't do anything wrong.
MONICA: I know.
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187. Although you did tell
an awful lot of jokes.
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188. I thought you said those jokes
were funny. Joke, joke, joke!
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189. Joke, joke...
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190. [BABBLES]
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191. - Maybe it was your questions.
- What about my questions?
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192. The sheer volume.
It was like flying with the Riddler.
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193. - Ooh, sorry, was that another joke?
- Was that another question?
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194. - Hey, is Ross still here?
- Uh, no, Rach, he's gone, but listen.
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195. He told us what happened.
It sounds like an honest mistake.
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196. Really? How would you like it if I had sex
with you and I taped it?
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197. Oh, forget it.
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198. Oh, there he is, the father of my child,
the porn king of the West Village.
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199. Look, it was an accident, okay?
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200. I feel bad it happened.
I swear, I didn't even watch it.
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201. Anyway, here.
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202. I thought you might be more comfortable
destroying it yourself.
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203. Thank you.
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204. [ALL SHOUTING]
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205. What?
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206. [ALL SHOUTING]
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207. - You don't want to see this, do you?
- Hell, yeah!
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208. I am not gonna show you this.
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209. Not the sex part.
Just the stuff leading up to it.
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210. Forget it. She's destroying it.
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211. Okay, fine! Fine. We'll just have to think
of some other way...
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212. ...to put the "who came on to who"
thing to rest.
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213. Come on now, think!
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214. Forget it. It's Rachel's tape,
and she can do whatever she wants with it.
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215. And she wants to destroy it,
so end of story.
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216. - I want to see it.
- What?
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217. Clearly you don't want people
to see this tape.
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218. I don't want people
to see this tape either.
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219. But you so badly don't want people to see
it that it makes me want to see it. See?
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220. Are we watching the tape or not?
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221. - I don't want people to see it for your sake.
- Oh, I don't believe you.
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222. I think you don't want them
to see you begging me.
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223. - Rachel, please?
- Oh, a little preview.
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224. Fine. But I want the record to show
that I tried to take the high road.
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225. Because in about five minutes,
I'm gonna be saying:
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226. [LAUGHING]
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227. Okay, here we go.
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228. Hello. Can I can get you anything?
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229. I'm so happy.
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230. RACHEL:
Oh, thank God you're here.
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231. I need you to help me.
Were you talking to yourself?
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232. - Oh, there I am.
- You're gonna get pregnant.
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233. RACHEL:
I screwed up so bad.
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234. I told Monica that I'd stuff and send
those wedding invitations weeks ago.
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235. ROSS:
You didn't do it?
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236. I had put them in...
In my desk at work...
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237. ...and I forgot about them until today.
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238. Sweetie, it's okay.
Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine.
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239. - Kind of hurting my hand though.
- I know.
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240. I can not believe that I did this.
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241. Especially after Monica
just went on and on and on about it.
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242. "Here are the invitations, Rachel.
Be very careful, Rachel.
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243. Please drinking no liquids
around the invitations, Rachel."
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244. Whoa, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
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245. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
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246. Did you do it on our invitations?
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247. Not on the ones we sent out.
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248. So just the ones you gave back to us
and we had framed?
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249. Can you believe this is happening?
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250. - It seems like yesterday they got engaged.
- I know.
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251. Remember the night they got engaged?
How you and I almost...
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252. Oh, I remember how we almost.
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253. You think we would've gone through with it
if we hadn't gotten caught?
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254. You think we would have done it?
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255. I know I wanted to.
I just wasn't sure if you wanted to.
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256. Oh, I wanted to.
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257. So we... We both wanted to.
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258. - Interesting.
- Mm.
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259. Anyway, um,
probably worked out for the best.
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260. Yeah, sure.
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261. In about 10 seconds,
you're gonna see him kiss me.
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262. And in about 5 seconds,
you're gonna see why.
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263. Ross, did I ever tell you about the time...
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264. ...that I went backpacking
through Western Europe?
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265. Okay, get ready to see some begging.
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266. Oh, you came on to Ross!
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267. - What?
- Now I'm so happy.
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268. - What are you talking about?
- You used the Europe story!
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269. That's the magic story you use
when you want to have sex!
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270. - How do you know about that story?
- How do you know about that story?
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271. I heard it from my friend Irene
who heard it from some guy.
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272. Some guy!
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273. No, no, she told me that
his name was Ken Adams.
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274. Ken Adams!
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275. [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
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276. Hi.
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277. So apparently, uh, people are familiar
with the Europe story?
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278. Yeah, listen, about that...
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279. ...the whole "who came on to who"
thing really doesn't matter.
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280. I think it would have happened
either way.
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281. I mean, if you hadn't initiated it,
I know I would have.
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282. - It was an amazing night.
- It was. It was an amazing night.
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283. You think it looked amazing?
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284. I, uh... I don't know.
I honestly didn't watch it.
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285. Yeah, me neither.
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286. Yet.
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287. Uh...
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288. - That... That may be weird.
- Yeah, it would be really weird.
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289. - Good luck.
- Good luck to you.
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290. - Mind if I mute?
- Oh, please.
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291. - Oh, there go the clothes.
- You are undressing awfully quickly.
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292. Six months, Rachel. Six months.
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293. - Huh.
- Huh.
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294. - Huh.
- Hey. Heh.
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295. - We look pretty good.
- I was gonna say.
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296. - Ooh, nice tan.
- Thank you.
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297. - I'd just gone to the beach that weekend.
- Ah.
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298. Ugh.
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299. - Have you been working out?
- I have been working out.
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300. Well, this is so much better than I ever...
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301. - Oh.
- Oh.
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302. - Ew.
- Ew.
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303. - Oh, that's not pretty.
- Oh.
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304. - Oh. Oh, God.
- Oh.
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305. - Oh, no. Oh, no! No!
- Make it stop. Make it stop.
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306. Hello, Greg?
Hi, this is Monica from the plane.
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307. Listen, the number that
you gave me, uh, 8-5-3...
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308. Their old number! Jenny's been
giving it out since they moved!
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309. - Jenny! That is so Jenny!
- I know.
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310. Listen, um, how would you like to
get together next Saturday?
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311. Okay, how about Sunday?
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312. Okay, um, the week after that?
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313. The week after that?
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314. You know what, Greg? Heh.
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315. We are good, interesting,
funny people with good questions.
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316. And if you and your precious Jenny
can't see that, then...
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317. January 15?
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318. We'll see you then! Okay!
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