1. All right!
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2. Yes! From home to the hospital
in seven minutes!
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3. Yes. The hard part is truly over.
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4. We're off to a great start, aren't we?
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5. I knew I'd get here fast,
but this has to be a record!
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6. - Oh, you made it!
- Hi.
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7. - How the hell did you beat us here?
- We took a cab. Did you walk?
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8. No, we took a cab too.
But I did test runs—
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9. - Hi.
- Hey, you made it!
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10. Okay, is there some kind of magic
tunnel to this hospital?
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11. Ross, you stay here and talk.
I'm gonna go have a baby.
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12. Okay. Hi, this is Rachel Green.
I'm Ross Geller. We called from the car.
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13. We have a semi-private
labor room waiting—
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14. Oh, whoa! I'm sorry. Semi-private?
We asked for a private room.
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15. Yes, I see that here.
We can't guarantee a private room.
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16. - Currently, they're all unavailable.
- Man, if only you'd gotten here sooner.
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17. I'm sorry. Semi-private rooms
are all we have.
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18. Okay. Just give us a second. Ross?
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19. Yeah?
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20. - Give her some money.
- I really think they're out of rooms.
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21. They're saving them for important
people! What if I was the president?
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22. We'd be in a lot of trouble.
You don't know where any countries are.
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23. Okay.
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24. Say, would you mind checking again?
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25. See if any, uh, private rooms
may have opened up?
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26. This is a hospital.
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27. You know what?
I don't really care for your tone.
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28. This is not the only hospital in the city.
We have no problem— Whoa. Oh, gosh!
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29. - What, what?
- Contraction! Ow! Ow!
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30. - Oh!
- Ow, ow, ow, ow. Ooh, ooh.
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31. - Like to see a semi-private room?
- Yeah, it couldn't hurt to look.
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32. You're 2 centimeters dilated.
We need to get to 10.
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33. - It will be a while.
- Oh, okay.
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34. - I'll be back in an hour to check on you.
Thank you.
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35. - I guess we have some time to kill.
- Yeah, guess so.
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36. - Oh, check these out.
- Oh.
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37. Never done this before.
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38. Yeah, well, it looks great.
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39. Thank you very much.
I think we're ready to...
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40. Hi, I'm Ross. I'm here to ruin
this magical day for you.
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41. - Not at all. Marc Horger. My wife, Julie.
- Don't worry about it.
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42. - Hi, Julie. This is Rachel.
Oh, hi, Rachel.
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43. Is this your first?
- It is.
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44. - Well, little Jamie here is our third.
- Wow.
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45. So if you have any questions,
just holler.
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46. - That's so sweet.
- Yeah.
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47. - Let me give you guys some privacy.
- Nonsense. We're all in this together.
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48. We are gonna share every
moment of this with you.
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49. - I think we're gonna have some fun.
- Yeah.
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50. - Oh, okay, I guess.
- Hey, smile!
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51. - No.
- I really don't want any—
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52. Oh, thank you.
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53. Oh, Ross.
Here comes another contraction.
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54. - Ooh, ooh, ooh...
- Okay, just breathe...
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55. - Oh, honey, I think I'm having one too!
- Oh, my God!
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56. - Ow, ow, ow, ow.
- Oh, oh, oh.
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57. Hey, look at this. Here you go!
- Oh, no!
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58. Oh, wow. Three hours and still no baby.
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59. Ugh, the miracle of birth
sure is a snooze-fest.
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60. - Hey, you wanna see something?
- Sure. What?
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61. This will be fun.
Watch me freak out Chandler.
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62. - Honey?
- Yeah?
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63. Listen, uh, I've been doing
some thinking...
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64. and I don't know whether
it's because we're here...
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65. or Rachel's giving birth...
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66. but, um, I think we should
try to have a baby.
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67. Okay.
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68. What's that now?
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69. Okay. I've been thinking about it too.
I think we're ready.
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70. Are you kidding? You think
we're ready to have a baby?
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71. Oh, this is fun.
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72. You're ready to have a baby?
My boy's all grown up!
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73. You said you were ready.
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74. I was screwing with you to get
your voice high and weird...
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75. like mine is now!
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76. Yes, but haven't you
wanted a kid forever?
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77. Okay, just back oh', mister!
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78. Because I am ready to have a baby.
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79. I just want Joey to be the father.
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80. - What? Are you crazy?
- Right there! That's all I wanted!
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81. I'm sorry. The doctor insisted
on closing the curtain for the exam.
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82. Oh, that's very—
Really, very, very okay.
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83. Julie's cervix is dilated 7 centimeters.
That's about four fingers!
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84. - Doctor let me feel it.
- Have you felt Rachel's?
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85. - No, I don't—
- We won't be doing that.
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86. Well, you could feel Rachel's,
then feel mine to compare.
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87. - Am I interrupting?
- Yes! Thank you!
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88. - No, no...
- Later.
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89. - You can't leave me with them.
- Sorry.
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90. No, Ross, Ross? Ross?
My child has no father!
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91. I'm so glad you're here, but it's gonna
be a while. I wish you'd called first.
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92. - I'm coming back later with your father.
- Oh, good.
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93. - I need to talk to you before the birth.
- Okay. What's up?
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94. I brought something
that I want to give you.
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95. Assuming, of course, that you want it.
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96. Ma, you're asking me to marry you?
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97. Your grandma's engagement ring,
I want you to give it to Rachel.
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98. - Mom, no. Come on. Thank you...
- Just hear me out—
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99. No! Okay? We're not getting
married because she's pregnant.
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100. Honestly, this isn't just some girl
you picked up in a bar and humped.
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101. A child should have a family.
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102. I can't deal with this now. I'm sorry.
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103. Think about it. If you don't,
I'll talk more about humping.
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104. Give me that.
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105. - Hi, dear.
- Hi. Thank you so much for coming.
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106. Ross, get in here!
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107. She dragged me out of the labor room
to ask me why I'm not with Rachel.
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108. Yeah.
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109. - Why aren't you with Rachel?
- Are you kidding?
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110. We're not gonna be together
because we're having a baby.
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111. It seems you belong together.
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112. I can't deal with this right now.
I have to go have a baby.
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113. Right. And with who again?
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114. He's crazy. Why doesn't
he wanna be with Rachel?
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115. I know.
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116. She's like the perfect woman.
I know she turned me down...
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117. but if she wanted to be with me,
I would take her in my arms and...
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118. I haven't bummed you guys out
like this in a while.
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119. Hey.
Hey.
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120. - Who's that?
- New people.
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121. What happened to the Disgustingtons?
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122. They're having their baby.
It's not fair, Ross. I got here first!
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123. After you left, they wheeled her off.
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124. Not before she gave me a nice, juicy
shot of little Jamie, crowning away.
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125. - Wow. Sorry.
- Ugh.
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126. So, uh, how are the new people?
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127. Well, they have some unusual
pet names for each other.
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128. Including, um, "Evil Bitch"
and, uh, "Sick Bastard."
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129. - Oh, gosh, a contraction. Ooh, ow!
- Yeah? Okay, okay. Just breathe.
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130. Are you looking at her?
- No!
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131. - Don't look at her, you sick bastard!
- I swear I wasn't looking at her!
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132. She's in labor. You like that,
you sick son of a bitch?
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133. I'm just gonna—
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134. See? It's because you were looking,
you fat pervert.
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135. No, no. I'm sure no one was looking.
Just want some privacy.
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136. You miss your girlfriend?
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137. - Just ignore them.
- Ugh.
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138. - You okay?
- Yeah.
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139. - Ross.
- What?
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140. - He's looking at me.
Hey!
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141. Wanna live to see your baby?
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142. Don't you talk to my husband like that,
you stupid bastard!
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143. Oh, good God! If you want
a baby so bad, just go steal it!
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144. Since when are you
so crazy about babies?
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145. I'm not crazy about babies.
I'm crazy about us.
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146. What?
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147. We talk about having
babies someday, not now...
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148. but I'm starting to think that we
can handle it. We're good.
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149. We're really good.
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150. We are pretty good.
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151. But nothing has to happen
until you're ready.
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152. Well, maybe I'm ready now.
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153. I mean, it's a little scary,
but maybe it's right.
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154. It's not right!
We're not ready for a kid!
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155. - What?
- I'm kidding. This is gonna be fun.
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156. So we're gonna try?
I mean, we're trying?
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157. We're trying to get pregnant.
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158. Mm.
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159. I'm not comfortable doing
this in front of the babies.
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160. - So when do you want to start trying?
- All right, hold on a sec.
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161. - Period math?
- Yeah.
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162. Well, we could start trying now.
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163. - Right here?
- No, not here.
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164. Maybe here.
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165. We got time to kill.
We're in a building that's full of beds!
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166. And it's so clean!
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167. Come on, you stupid machine! Come on!
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168. - Aw, it ate your money?
- No.
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169. - I'll see you downstairs then.
- All right.
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170. All right.
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171. Hey, I got one! I got one!
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172. Hi.
- Hi.
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173. - Oh, up or down'?
- Oh. Down, please.
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174. I hate to be a ball-buster,
but can I just do it?
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175. - Could you press up too?
- Sure.
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176. - I feel bad. I broke my leg once too.
- How did yours happen?
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177. It's a long, embarrassing story.
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178. Let's just say, there was a
typographical error with a sex manual.
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179. - How about you?
- Car accident.
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180. - Idiot on a cell not paying attention?
- Yeah. Me.
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181. - Oh, hey, that's me.
- Okay.
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182. Hey, uh, I take it you're
just visiting someone.
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183. Uh-huh. Yeah.
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184. Well, um, if you have some time,
and you wanna visit someone else...
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185. Yeah. I would like that.
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186. - Great. I'm in room—
- Wait! What? No! Elevator! No!
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187. You gotta press the button.
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188. They're bringing in another woman.
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189. Ugh. Is she pregnant yet?
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190. She doesn't need to be.
She'll still have the baby before I do.
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191. - Oh, Ross! Another contraction.
- Oh, okay. Here, here.
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192. - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ow, ooh, ow!
That's it.
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193. - Oh, that sounded like a bad one.
- Yeah, it was.
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194. Mine haven't been so bad.
Oh, here comes one now.
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195. Mm, mm.
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196. Oh, that was a big one.
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197. Could you help me'? The patient
I'm looking for has a broken leg.
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198. He's in a wheelchair.
He's early to mid-30$, very attractive.
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199. - I know who you're talking about.
- Yay! Great! What room is he in?
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200. Sorry. That information is restricted.
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201. - She's with me. Dr. Drake Ramoray.
- Dr. Drake who?
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202. Ramoray. It's Portuguese.
We need that information. I'm a doctor.
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203. - At this hospital?
- Damn it! We're losing precious time.
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204. You want this man's blood
on your head—
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205. - Hands.
- Hands.
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206. It is essential that you tell me
what room he is staying in.
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207. He's a patient of mine.
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208. - He's in room 816.
- 816. Thank you.
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209. - And what is his name?
- No.
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210. - I think we found a place.
- Okay.
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211. - Wait. Wanna set the mood a little?
- Okay.
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212. - We'll dim the lights.
- Okay.
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213. Or turn them out altogether.
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214. Uh, no scented candles.
Okay, here. There we go.
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215. Okay, okay.
Making me sterile, but okay.
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216. Okay. I'm sorry. Oh, wait.
Do we have a condom?
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217. Oh, right! Ha, ha.
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218. Yes, 98.6. You're gonna be fine.
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219. Ooh, this is it!
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220. - That's him!
- Great. Go get him!
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221. Wait a second.
Or maybe you could go in first.
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222. He's not really my type.
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223. Not you. Dr. Ramoray.
Ask him questions and see what he's like.
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224. - People tell doctors everything.
- You said he's great.
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225. Guys I meet seem nice at first,
then turn out to be big jerks.
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226. - You do attract some stinkers.
- I know.
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227. Dr. Long, I've been at this for 17 hours.
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228. Three women have had their babies.
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229. Give me good news. How many
centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
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230. - Three.
- Just 3?
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231. I'm dilated 3!
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232. We are moving along slowly.
Don't worry, you're doing great.
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233. - I'll be back soon.
- Thank you.
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234. I'm not waiting.
I'm gonna push this baby out.
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235. I'm doing it. Three centimeters.
That's gotta be like this, right?
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236. - Actually, it's more like this.
- Oh, stupid metric system.
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237. Oh! Oh! Oh!
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238. We'll take you straight
to the delivery room.
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239. Oh, for the love of God!
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240. I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray. I have a few
routine questions I need to ask you.
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241. I've been dealing with Dr. Wells.
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242. I know. I'm a neurologist.
To be safe...
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243. Dr. Wells wanted a more
comprehensive overview. So he sent me.
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244. Dr. Wells is a woman.
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245. That was a test. Good response.
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246. - All right. Uh, full name?
- Clifford Burnett.
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247. - Date of birth?
- November 16, 1968.
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248. Age?
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249. - Can't you figure that out?
- I'm a doctor, not a mathematician.
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250. - I'm 33.
- Okay.
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251. - And, uh, are you married?
- No.
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252. Oh, really? So 33 and single? Would
you say you have commitment issues?
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253. Are all the questions this personal?
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254. Yes.
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255. Well, if you must know, I'm a widower.
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256. - Oh, that's terrible. I'm really sorry.
- Yeah.
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257. Do you sleep with women
and never call them again?
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258. - No.
- Excellent. Excellent.
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259. And, uh, finally, are you into any weird
stuff, you know, sexually?
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260. - No!
- Ooh. Wrong answer.
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261. - What else? What else?
- Uh, he's 33.
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262. Uh-huh.
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263. - A widower.
- Oh.
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264. He seemed like a standup guy.
And he's not into anything weird sexually.
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265. Enter Pheebs.
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266. - This room's available.
- Okay! Wait, listen to me!
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267. Since I've been waiting,
four women...
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268. one higher than the centimeters
I'm dilated...
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269. have come and gone with their babies.
I'm next. My turn. It's only fair.
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270. If you bring in one more woman who has
her baby before me, I will sue you.
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271. Not this hospital. I'm gonna sue you.
My husband is a lawyer.
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272. - Uh, Rach?
- You get back on that case, honey!
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273. I don't think the next
patient is far along.
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274. Okay. Well, then bring her in.
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275. Oh, my God!
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276. I can't believe this!
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277. And yet, somehow, it's true.
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278. I mean, this is so great.
We're gonna be baby buddies!
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279. Squeeze your legs together,
cover the baby's ears.
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280. - Hi, sweetie!
- Hi, sweetheart.
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281. This is my husband, Sid. I don't think
you've met. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid.
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282. I nabbed him at the dermatologist's.
Thank God for adult acne!
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283. I can't believe it.
I'm the luckiest guy in the world.
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284. Really?
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285. What did he say?
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286. You have to speak loudly,
he's almost completely deaf.
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287. - Oh, there you go.
- Of course he is.
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288. Congratulations.
I didn't even know you got married.
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289. - Oh, no. We didn't.
- No, no, we—
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290. What?
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291. We're just having this baby together,
but, uh, that's all. You know?
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292. Why?
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293. Uh, we're just not in that place, you know?
But we're very excited about this.
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294. Oh. Well, then shut me up.
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295. Just tell me how.
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296. Uh-oh. Oh, I feel another one coming.
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297. Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!
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