Friends 8x22

Directed by

June Gable as Estelle Leonard • Amanda Carlin as Dr. Long • James Michael Tyler as Gunther

Monica and Phoebe bet on when Rachel's baby will be born as the due date comes and goes as Rachel becomes extremely irritable. Meanwhile, Joey invites Chandler to his big movie premiere and he manages to fall asleep during it. Also, Ross attempts to help Rachel speed things along by trying every possible method suggested by the doctor, except one.

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!req Friends 8x22 [02:32]
!req Friends 8x22 [Friends 8x22]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Friends 8x22 [10-11]; !req Friends 8x22 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Hey, what are you guys looking at?

2. Oh, it's a poster for that World War I movie that I'm in.

3. - Check it out. - Yeah?

4. - Wow, it looks really violent! - Uh-huh.

5. I know. I'm coming soon to a theater near you.

6. I'm in THX. I'm unsuitable for children.

7. Man, I cannot wait to see this.

8. Yeah, yeah, it's already generating Oscar buzz.

9. - I started that. - I thought I did.

10. Oh, hey, guess what? I just talked to my agent,

11. and the premiere is next week and you're all invited.

12. - That's great.

13. - Are we going to take a limo? - Sure, why not?

14. I love taking limos when nobody died.

15. Well, obviously, I won't be able to come.

16. For those of you who haven't checked their calendars, today's my due date.

17. Well, you know, I want to take a moment and thank you

18. guys for how great you've been during this time.

19. I really couldn't have done it without you. And I have loved these last nine months.

20. And even though I am so looking forward to the next part,

21. I am really going to miss being pregnant.

22. That's right... still no baby.

23. Come on, people, please make some room.

24. Uh, sweetie, maybe you'd be more comfortable here.

25. You.

26. Like you haven't done enough.

27. Look, I know how miserable you are. I wish there was something I could do.

28. I mean, I wish I were a sea horse.

29. Because with sea horses, it's the male... they carry the babies.

30. And then also, um, I'd be far away in the sea.

31. Oh, God.

32. I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life.

33. Oh, I know, I've been there. I remember toward the end...

34. Oh, Phoebe, that's a great story. Could you tell

35. it to me while you're getting me some iced tea?

36. Oh...

37. Oh, God! Get out! Get out, get out, get out!

38. Let's.

39. Hey, did you have the baby yet?

40. Do you want me to come over there and sit on you? 'Cause I'll do it.

41. - What are you doing here so early? - They sent me home from work.

42. They were, like, "Start your maternity leave now.

43. Just rest. Get ready for the baby."

44. Well, you know what? Screw 'em!

45. If they don't want me there, I'll just hang out with you guys.

46. Or you could do volunteer work.

47. - Hello? - Joey, it's Estelle. Great news.

48. I was able to get you and one guest tickets to your premiere.

49. One guest? You told me I could have six tickets.

50. Well, I sold four of them on eBay.

51. You'll be sitting next to HotGuy372.

52. Oh, my God. So that's it? I only get to bring one guest?

53. Yeah, what time do you want to pick me up?

54. Hello?

55. Did you hear that? I only get one extra ticket to my premiere.

56. So somehow I have to pick between you three and Ross.

57. - Wait. Wh-What about me? - Well, you said you didn't want to go.

58. I don't, but I would still like to be acknowledged.

59. What, just because I'm pregnant, I'm invisible?

60. Definitely not invisible.

61. Well, you know, Ross didn't care enough to be here, so I think he's out.

62. - You know, you snooze, you lose. - He's not snoozing; he's teaching a class.

63. Well, then somebody's snoozing.

64. And, Joey, not that this should, uh, affect

65. you at all, but, um, if you were to pick me,

66. I was planning on wearing a sequin dress cut down to here.

67. - I haven't seen this dress. - Star in a movie.

68. Joey, you pick whoever you want, okay?

69. You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you?

70. Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe.

71. Well, uh...

72. I think I want to take Chandler.

73. Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe...

74. You really want to take me?

75. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry, I wish I could take everybody,

76. but, you know, Chandler's always supported my career.

77. He's paid for acting classes, and headshots and stuff,

78. and, well, this would be my way of paying you back.

79. So you're never actually going to pay me back?

80. Hey, just because he paid for your headshots, you're going to take him?

81. Joey, I don't think you're comprehending just how slutty this dress is.

82. It's not just the stuff he paid for. I mean, it's... it's everything, you know?

83. He... he read lines with me. He went with me on auditions when I was really nervous.

84. And then he consoled me after I didn't get parts that I really wanted.

85. You always believed in me, man.

86. Even... even when I didn't believe in myself.

87. I always knew you were going to make it. I'm so proud of you.

88. Thanks. That... that means a lot to me.

89. Mon, maybe one of these guys wants to wear your dress.

90. All right, I'm going to go shave. Ahem.

91. Yeah, well, I'm going to go, uh, spit.

92. Oh, I have to pee.

93. If I don't come out in five minutes, it's because

94. I've choked to death on the potpourri stink.

95. When she comes out, you hold her nose,

96. I'll blow in her mouth and the kid will just...

97. right out of her.

98. She's over a week late. She's got to have it today, right?

99. I don't know. I think it's still going to be a while.

100. Hmm. Care to make it interesting?

101. I bet you that she'll have it by

102. - this time tomorrow. - You're on.

103. - Okay, how much? - One hundred thousand dollars.

104. How about 50 bucks?

105. Fine. I'll call Zurich and move some money around.

106. All right, whose turn is it to help me get up?

107. Ahem, no one's here!

108. Oh, damn it.

109. This is so exciting. So glamorous... people taking our picture.

110. - Joey! - How do I look?

111. - A little tall. - What?

112. Do you mind crouching down a little bit so I look taller?

113. There you go.

114. It's just so glamorous.

115. I love you, Joey!

116. Oh, hey, Mon, Rach is here.

117. And you're still pregnant.

118. Oh, I'm sorry. I know how uncomfortable you are.

119. - You know what? You look great. - Oh...

120. Yeah, like 50 bucks.

121. Oh, I have to go pee. Apparently, this baby thinks my bladder is a squeeze toy.

122. Oh, damn it. Damn it. Here's your 50 bucks.

123. That's interesting that you lost. Now, I forget, do you like to lose?

124. All right, stop it.

125. Double or nothing that she has it

126. - by tomorrow. - Fine. You're on.

127. Okay.

128. Until then, General Grant, why don't you set up camp right there?

129. Hey, is Rachel here? We have a doctor's appointment.

130. She's in the bathroom.

131. - Rach, we got to go. - In a minute!

132. People ask me why we're not together. I just don't know what to tell them.

133. All right, all right, let's go.

134. Uh, do you want to go change first?

135. The doctor's keeping the office open late for us, but if you hurry...

136. - No. I'm fine. - Really? You don't think

137. that's a little inappropriate?

138. - What? - Good God, man, don't anger it.

139. Ross, it is 100 degrees outside.

140. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.

141. Fine, fine, you know what? Whatever you want, okay? You're the mommy.

142. Uh-uh-uh, pal. Don't call me "Mommy."

143. It's bad enough you call your own mother that.

144. I'm actually with her on this one.

145. [ Joey (on screen) ]: I thought I knew who

146. the enemy was, but it was you all along.

147. Okay, this is it... this is my big fight scene coming up.

148. [ Joey (on screen) ]: But I'm fighting for every man in the 82nd Ground Division.

149. - Ross? - Yeah?

150. - Can I ask you something? - Uh-huh.

151. - When Carol was pregnant with Ben... - Mm-hmm?

152. Were you this irritating?

153. - Wow. - Excuse me?

154. Uh, nothing, nothing. You were just, uh...

155. you've been a little short with me lately. I'm not trying to irritate you.

156. Well, then, you just must have a natural talent for it.

157. You know what? The doctor will be in soon. Why don't we not speak until then?

158. Okay.

159. Seriously, breathe louder, Ross. That's great.

160. You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows

161. how to deliver a baby that's half human, half pure evil.

162. - Hi, Dr. Long, how are you? - Hello.

163. Oh, you're nice to her.

164. She has the drugs.

165. - We'll do a quick check. - Okay.

166. - So, eight days late, huh? - Yeah.

167. You must be getting a little uncomfortable.

168. Yeah, just a tad.

169. Well, you're about 80 percent effaced, so you're on your way.

170. It still could last a little while longer.

171. If you're anxious, there are a few ways

172. - to help things along. - Do them.

173. Actually, they are things that you can do. Just some home remedies.

174. But in my experience, I've found that some of them are very effective.

175. Well, we are ready to try anything.

176. Okay, there's an herbal tea you can drink.

177. Okay.

178. You can take some castor oil. There's eating spicy foods.

179. Great. We will do all of those.

180. - Taking a long walk. - Good. Done.

181. And there's the one that's proved most effective: sex.

182. You've got to be kidding me.

183. Good job, Joe. Well done. Top-notch.

184. - You liked it? You really liked it? - Oh, yeah!

185. - Well, which part exactly? - The whole thing! Can't we go?

186. Oh, no, no, no. Hold it. Give me some specifics.

187. I loved the specifics. The specifics were the best part!

188. Hey, what about the scene with the kangaroo? Did you... did you like that part?

189. I was surprised to see a kangaroo... in a World War I epic.

190. You fell asleep!

191. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions.

192. Thanks a lot for coming, buddy. See you later.

193. Don't go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

194. Look! This guy fell asleep! He fell asleep, too! Be mad at him!

195. Or... call an ambulance.

196. - Hey. - Hey. - Hi!

197. What did the doctor say? Any news on when the baby's going to come?

198. No. But she did give us some ideas on how to induce labor.

199. Yeah. We tried them all.

200. We went for a walk. Uh, we tried special tea,

201. castor oil, spicy food. Nothing has worked.

202. Well, there is one thing that we didn't try,

203. but someone thinks that that will open up a can of worms.

204. Well, what is it? What is it? If it's going to help bring the baby here, like, today,

205. I mean, I think you should do it.

206. - It's sex. - Do it!

207. - Monica... - I'm just saying

208. it's been a really long time for you.

209. I mean, women have needs. Do it. Get yours.

210. Oh, I... I don't know about that.

211. No, I think if the two of you had sex,

212. the, the, the repercussions would be catastrophic.

213. All right, let's be practical.

214. If Ross isn't willing to do it, I mean, he's not

215. the only guy in the world you can have sex with.

216. You could borrow Chandler. Chandler is good!

217. Monica, what is the matter with you?

218. Nothing. I just want the baby

219. - to be born today. - Why? Why today?

220. Okay, fine.

221. I keep betting Phoebe that you're going to have the baby,

222. and... I don't want to lose again.

223. What? While she's been going through this hell, you've been making money?

224. You're betting on your friend staying in this misery?

225. - I'll take that bet. - What?

226. Well, I'm miserable here. I may as well make some money out of it.

227. Can I get some of that action?

228. Wait a minute. Now I'm betting against all three of you?

229. Oh, honey, don't worry... I really do feel like tomorrow it's going to happen.

230. Oh, okay.

231. Hey. Sleeping beauty.

232. Where have you been? I tried to call you. I want to talk to you. I still feel so bad.

233. Oh, no! Were you upset? Did you lose sleep?

234. I'm so sorry.

235. Look, the only reason I came over here is to settle things between us, okay?

236. You've done a lot for me and my career. I wanted to pay you back

237. by taking you to the premiere, but you missed it!

238. - Okay, so, how much do I owe you? - What?

239. Give me a number. I don't want to owe you anything.

240. You don't owe me anything.

241. - I don't want your... - Ah, ah, ah! We're doing this.

242. Okay, now you got me my first set of head shots, right? How much were those?

243. - I don't know. Uh... $500. - Okay, $500. What else?

244. Well, then there was the second set... the infamous "booger" head shots.

245. Okay, so that's another $500. That's $500 and $500... that's...

246. - You want a calculator? - Please.

247. Here.

248. Oh. Okay.

249. All right, what else?

250. Well, uh, there's acting classes, stage-combat classes... tap classes...

251. Which we're still keeping under our hats.

252. Uh, then there was that dialect coach who helped you

253. with the play where you needed a Southern accent.

254. Which, after 20 hours of lessons, still came out Jamaican.

255. What the hell are you talking about?

256. Da South will rise again, mon.

257. - Yes. Money well spent. - Yeah.

258. Okay, what else? Rent.

259. Okay. Uh, two, three years of rent, utilities, food.

260. Okay, okay. So I'm writing you a check for...

261. so you fell asleep during my movie. Big deal, right?

262. How do you clear this thing?

263. Come on. Finish your enchilada.

264. Ah... Ross, we've tried all the spicy food. It's not working.

265. Okay, here. Have one of these peppers.

266. Oh... oh-ha! Oh, God. So hot. Oh, my God...

267. By the way, you don't want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye.

268. - I am feeling nothing. - Oh... oh...

269. Speaking of hot, watching you do that,

270. really makes me want to have sex with you.

271. - Stop it. - Oh, come on, Ross!

272. Why are we wasting our time with all this other stuff?

273. We know it's going to work. It's doctor-recommended!

274. I'm sorry, but we have to have some boundaries. My God, I'm dying.

275. Oh, come on, Ross! I mean, we've done it before, we'll do it again.

276. It'll be a nice way to bookend the pregnancy!

277. This is insane! I'm not going to make love to you just so you'll go into labor.

278. "Make love"? What are you, a girl?

279. Always a great way to get into a man's pants.

280. What? You would be performing a service, okay?

281. Just think of me as, like, a ketchup bottle.

282. You know, sometimes, you have to bang on the

283. end of it just to get something to come out.

284. I love when you talk dirty to me.

285. Ugh. I know it. You're right. That's not sexy.

286. Oh... oh... whoops!

287. Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork.

288. Let me just bend over and get it.

289. Oh, God!

290. Okay, enough! This is not going to happen.

291. Oh, come on, Ross. I'm miserable here.

292. Come on, you started this. Now you finish it.

293. Come on, wuss. Make love to me.

294. - You know what? - What?

295. Forget it.

296. Oh, well, what now, Ross? You're not going to talk?

297. How on earth will you ever annoy me?

298. Oh, wait a minute. I know.

299. I mean, you'd think the damn jalapeño would have cleared up your sinuses, but no!

300. That's not enough... what are you doing?

301. I'm getting that baby out of you!

302. - Oh, God! - Oh, I know...

303. Oh, no, no, no...

304. Oh... I think my water just broke.

305. I am good!

306. Okay, okay, I got the pillow... uh, I got the bag.

307. - You got the keys? - I got the keys. Okay, okay.

308. - Hey... - Yeah?

309. We're having a baby.

310. I didn't, uh, really have time to read this part

311. of the books, but do you think we have time...?

312. - Not so much. - Okay, let's go.

313. - Two hundred. - Thank you.

314. That's it. I'm done. I don't care when the baby comes... no more betting.

315. Okay.

316. Hello?

317. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay.

318. I guess we can bet one more time.

319. - Is Rachel having the baby? - How did you know that?

320. - Joey, Chandler! It's time! - They're at the coffee house.

321. You know everything!

322. Oh, wait... double or nothing. I bet you the baby is over seven pounds.

323. I bet you it has hair! I bet you it's a girl.

324. - We know it's a girl. - I'll give you really good odds.