1. What are you looking at?
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2. A poster for that WWI movie I'm in.
Check it out.
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3. Wow! It looks really violent!
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4. I know. I'm coming soon
to a theater near you.
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5. I'm in THX.
I'm unsuitable for children!
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6. - I cannot wait to see this.
- It's generating Oscar buzz.
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7. - I started that!
- I thought I did!
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8. I just talked to my agent...
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9. and the premiere is next week
and you're all invited!
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10. - Will we take a limo?
- Sure!
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11. I love taking limos
when nobody died.
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12. Well, I won't be able to come.
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13. For those who haven't checked
their calendars, today's my due date.
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14. I want to thank you guys
for how great you've been during this.
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15. I couldn't have done it without you.
I loved these last 9 months.
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16. I'm looking forward
to the next part...
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17. but I am really gonna miss
being pregnant.
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18. That's right. Still no baby.
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19. Come on, people, make some room.
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20. Sweetie, maybe you'd be
more comfortable here.
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21. You.
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22. Like you haven't done enough.
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23. I know you're miserable.
I wish there was something I could do.
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24. I wish I were a sea horse.
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25. Because with sea horses, it's the male.
They carry the babies.
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26. And then also,
I'd be far away in the sea.
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27. God.
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28. I have never been so uncomfortable
in my entire life.
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29. I know. I remember toward the end...
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30. That's a great story. Tell it while
you're getting me some iced tea.
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31. Oh, God, get out!
Get out, get out, get out!
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32. Let's.
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33. The One Where Rachel is Late
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34. Subtitles processed by
Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
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35. Hey, did you have the baby yet?
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36. Do you want me to sit on you?
Because I'll do it.
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37. - What are you doing here?
- They sent me home from work.
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38. They said, "Start your maternity
leave now. Just rest."
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39. You know what? Screw them!
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40. If they don't want me there,
I'll hang out with you guys.
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41. Or you could do volunteer work.
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42. - Hello?
- Joey, it's Estelle.
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43. I was able to get you and one guest
tickets to your premiere.
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44. - You told me I could have six tickets.
- I sold four on eBay.
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45. You'll be sitting next to HotGuy372.
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46. So that's it? I only get
to bring one guest?
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47. Yeah. What time do you
want to pick me up?
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48. Hello?
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49. You hear that?
I only get one extra ticket.
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50. So somehow I have to pick
between you three and Ross.
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51. - What about me?
- You said you didn't want to go.
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52. I would still like
to be acknowledged.
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53. - Because I'm pregnant, I'm invisible?
- Definitely not invisible.
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54. Ross didn't care enough
to be here, so he's out.
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55. - You snooze, you lose.
- He's not snoozing. He's teaching.
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56. Well, then somebody's snoozing.
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57. And, Joey, not that this should affect
you at all, but if you pick me...
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58. I was planning on wearing
a sequin dress cut down to here.
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59. - I haven't seen this dress.
- Star in a movie.
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60. Pick whoever you want. Listen
to your heart. What does it tell you?
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61. Phoebe. Phoebe. Phoebe.
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62. Well...
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63. I think I want to take Chandler.
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64. Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe.
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65. - You want to take me?
- Yeah, I wish I could take everybody.
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66. But Chandler's always
supported my career.
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67. He's paid for acting classes,
headshots and stuff.
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68. This will be my way
of paying you back.
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69. So you're never actually
going to pay me back?
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70. Just because he paid for your
headshots, you're gonna take him?
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71. I don't think you're comprehending
just how slutty this dress is.
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72. It's not just the stuff he paid for.
It's everything, you know?
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73. He read lines with me.
He went with me on auditions.
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74. Then he consoled me
after I didn't get parts.
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75. You always believed in me, man,
even when I didn't.
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76. I always knew you were gonna make it.
I'm so proud of you.
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77. Thanks, that means a lot to me.
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78. Mon, maybe one of these guys
wants to wear your dress.
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79. - I'm gonna go shave.
- Yeah, well, I'm gonna go spit.
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80. I have to pee.
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81. If I don't come out, it's because I've
choked to death on the potpourri stink.
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82. You hold her nose, I'll blow in her
mouth and the kid'll just... out of her.
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83. She's a week late.
She's got to have it today.
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84. I don't know. I think
it's still gonna be a while.
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85. Care to make it interesting?
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86. - I bet you she'll have it tomorrow.
- You're on.
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87. - Okay, how much?
- One hundred thousand dollars.
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88. - How about 50 bucks?
- I'll call Zurich and move some money.
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89. All right, whose turn is it
to help me get up?
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90. No one's here.
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91. Oh, damn it!
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92. This is exciting. So glamorous! People
taking our picture. How do I look?
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93. - A little tall.
- What?
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94. Would you crouch down a bit
so that I look taller?
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95. There you go.
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96. It's just so glamorous.
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97. Oh, hey, Mon? Rach is here.
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98. And you're still pregnant.
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99. I'm sorry. I know
how uncomfortable you are.
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100. You know what? You look great.
Yeah, like 50 bucks.
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101. I have to go pee. Apparently this baby
thinks my bladder is a squeeze toy.
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102. Damn it. Here's your 50 bucks.
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103. That's interesting that you lost.
Now, I forget, do you like to lose?
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104. All right, stop it.
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105. - Double or nothing she has it tomorrow.
- Fine.
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106. Until then, General Grant, why don't
you set up camp... right there?
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107. - Rachel here? We have an appointment.
- In the bathroom.
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108. - Rach, we gotta go.
- In a minute!
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109. People ask why we're not together.
I just don't know what to tell them.
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110. - All right, let's go.
- Do you want to go change first?
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111. The doctor's staying open late for us,
but if you hurry...
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112. - No, I'm fine.
- You don't think that's inappropriate?
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113. - What?
- Good God, man. Don't anger it.
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114. Ross, it is 100 degrees outside.
For the first time in weeks, I am...
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115. Fine. Whatever you want.
You're the mommy.
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116. No! Don't call me "Mommy."
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117. It's bad enough you call
your own mother that.
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118. I'm actually with her on this one.
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119. I thought I knew who the enemy was...
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120. Okay, this is it. This is
my big fight scene coming up.
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121. I'm fighting for every man
in the 82nd Ground Division.
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122. Ross?
Can I ask you something?
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123. When Carol was pregnant with Ben...
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124. were you this irritating?
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125. - Excuse me?
- Nothing. You're just...
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126. You've been a little short with me
lately. I'm not trying to irritate you.
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127. Well, then, you must have
a natural talent for it.
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128. The doctor will be in soon.
Why don't we not speak until then?
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129. Seriously. Breathe louder, Ross.
That's great.
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130. We should ask the doctor
if she even knows...
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131. how to deliver a baby
that's half human, half pure evil!
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132. - Hi, Dr. Long. How are you?
- You're nice to her.
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133. She has the drugs.
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134. We'll do a quick check.
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135. Eight days late, huh?
You must be getting uncomfortable.
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136. Yeah, just a tad.
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137. You're 80%"%" effaced. You're on your way.
It still could last a while.
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138. - There are ways to help things along.
- Do them!
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139. Actually, they're things
you can do. Home remedies.
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140. In my experience, I've found
some are very effective.
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141. - Well, we are ready to try anything.
- There's an herbal tea you can drink.
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142. You can take some castor oil.
There's spicy foods.
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143. We will do all of those.
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144. - Taking a long walk.
- Good. Done.
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145. And there's the one that's
proved most effective: Sex.
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146. You've got to be kidding me!
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147. Good job, Joe! Well done! Top-notch!
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148. - You liked it? You really liked it?
- Oh, yeah!
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149. - Well, which part exactly?
- The whole thing! Here we go!
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150. No, no, no. Give me some specifics.
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151. I loved the specifics.
The specifics were the best part.
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152. Hey, what about the scene with
the kangaroo? Did you like that part?
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153. I was surprised to see a kangaroo
in a World War I epic.
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154. You fell asleep!
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155. There was no kangaroo! They didn't
take any of my suggestions!
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156. - Thanks for coming. See you later.
- Don't go. I'm so sorry.
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157. Look, this guy fell asleep!
He fell asleep too! Be mad at him!
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158. Or call an ambulance!
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159. What did the doctor say?
Any news on when the baby will come?
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160. No. She gave us ideas
on how to induce labor.
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161. We tried them all.
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162. We went for a walk, we tried tea,
castor oil, spicy food. Nothing worked.
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163. There is one thing we didn't try.
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164. But someone thinks that
that will open up a can of worms.
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165. If it's gonna help
bring the baby here, today...
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166. I think you should do it.
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167. - It's sex.
- Do it!
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168. - Monica.
- It's been a really long time for you.
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169. I mean, women have needs.
Do it. Get yours.
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170. Oh, I don't know about that.
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171. I think if the two of you had sex, the
repercussions would be catastrophic.
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172. All right, let's be practical.
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173. If Ross isn't willing, he's not
the only guy you can have sex with.
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174. You could borrow Chandler.
Chandler is good.
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175. Monica, what is the matter with you?
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176. - I just want the baby to be born today.
- Why today?
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177. Okay, fine.
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178. I bet Phoebe that you're gonna have
the baby, and I don't want to lose.
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179. What? While she's been going through
this hell, you've been making money?
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180. You're betting on your friend
staying in this misery?
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181. - I'll take that bet.
- What?
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182. I'm miserable. I may as well
make some money out of it.
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183. Can I get some of that action?
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184. I'm betting against all of you?
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185. I really feel like
tomorrow it's gonna happen.
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186. Okay.
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187. Hey, Sleeping Beauty.
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188. Where have you been?
I want to talk to you. I still feel bad.
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189. Oh, no. Were you upset?
Did you lose sleep?
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190. I'm so sorry.
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191. The reason I came over is
to settle things between us.
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192. I wanted to pay you back
with the premiere, but you missed it.
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193. - So how much do I owe you?
- What?
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194. - I don't want to owe you anything.
- You don't owe me.
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195. - I don't want your...
- We're doing this!
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196. You got me my first headshots.
How much?
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197. - I don't know, $500.
- Okay, $500. What else?
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198. Then there was the second set.
The infamous "booger" headshots.
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199. Okay, so that's another $500.
That's 500 and 500. That's...
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200. - You want a calculator?
- Please.
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201. Here.
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202. All right, what else?
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203. Well, there's acting classes,
stage-combat classes, tap classes...
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204. Which we're still keeping
under our hats.
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205. That dialect coach who helped you
with a Southern accent.
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206. Which, after 20 hours of lessons,
still came out Jamaican.
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207. What the hell are you talking about?
The South will rise again, man.
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208. Yes, money well-spent.
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209. Okay, what else? Rent.
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210. Two, three years of rent,
utilities, food...
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211. Okay, so I'm writing you
a check for...
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212. So you fell asleep during my movie.
Big deal, right?
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213. How do you clear this thing?
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214. Finish your enchilada.
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215. Ross, we've tried all the spicy food.
It's not working.
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216. Okay, here, have one of these peppers.
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217. Oh, God. So hot. Oh, my God.
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218. By the way, you don't want to touch
the pepper and then touch your eye.
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219. I am feeling nothing.
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220. Speaking of hot,
watching you do that...
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221. really makes me want
to have sex with you.
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222. - Stop it.
- Come on! Why are we wasting time?
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223. We know it's gonna work.
It's doctor-recommended.
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224. I'm sorry. But we have to have
some boundaries. My God, I'm dying.
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225. We've done it before.
We'll do it again.
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226. It'll be a nice way
to bookend the pregnancy.
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227. I'm not gonna make love to you
so you'll go into labor.
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228. Make love? What are you, a girl?
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229. Always a great way to get
into a man's pants.
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230. You'll be performing a service.
Think of me as a ketchup bottle.
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231. Sometimes, you have to bang on
the end of it to get it to come out.
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232. I love when you talk dirty to me.
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233. I know it. You're right.
That's not sexy.
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234. Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork.
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235. Let me just bend over and get it.
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236. Oh, God!
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237. Okay, enough.
This is not going to happen.
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238. Come on, Ross. I'm miserable here.
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239. Come on, you started this,
now you finish it!
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240. Come on, wuss. Make love to me.
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241. - You know what?
- What?
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242. Forget it.
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243. What now, Ross,
you're not gonna talk?
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244. How on earth will you ever annoy me?
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245. Oh, wait a minute, I know.
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246. You'd think the jalapeño would
clear up your sinuses, but no!
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247. That's not enough...
What are you doing?
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248. I'm getting that baby out of you!
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249. - Oh, God!
- I know.
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250. Oh, no, no, no.
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251. I think my water just broke.
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252. I am good!
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253. Okay, I got the pillow.
I got the bag.
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254. - You got the keys?
- I got the keys.
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255. We're having a baby.
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256. I didn't have time to read this part
of the books, but do we have time...?
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257. - Not so much.
- Okay, let's go.
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258. - 200.
- Thank you.
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259. That's it. I don't care when
the baby comes. No more betting.
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260. Hello?
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261. I guess we could bet
one more time.
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262. - Is Rachel having the baby?
- How did you know that?
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263. - Joey! Chandler!
- They're at the coffee house.
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264. You know everything!
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265. Wait. I bet you the baby
is over 7 pounds.
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266. I bet you it has hair!
I bet you it's a girl.
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267. - We know it's a girl.
- I'll give you really good odds.
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