1. - Hey, guys. I got some bad news.
- What?Copy !req
2. That's no way to sell newspapers.
Try, "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!"Copy !req
3. No. Monica's restaurant got a horrible
review in the Post.Copy !req
4. Oh, no!Copy !req
5. I didn't want her to see it, so I ran around
and bought all the copies I could find.Copy !req
6. Man, this is bad.
And I've had my share of bad reviews.Copy !req
7. I still remember my first good one:Copy !req
8. "Everything else in this production
of Our Town was simply terrible.Copy !req
9. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal. "Copy !req
10. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
11. Oh, my God!
Look at all the newspapers.Copy !req
12. It must be a good review. Is it great?Copy !req
13. Um...Copy !req
14. Oh, dear God.Copy !req
15. But the good news is, no one
in a two-block radius will ever know.Copy !req
16. - What about the rest of Manhattan?
- Yeah, they all know.Copy !req
17. - Oh, my God, this is horrible.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
18. I'm so humiliated.Copy !req
19. But you know what they say,
there is no such thing as bad press.Copy !req
20. You don't think that, um, "the chef's
mahi-mahi was awful-awful" is bad press?Copy !req
21. I didn't write it.Copy !req
22. - God, is he right? Am I awful?
- Oh, no!Copy !req
23. Hey, Monica, listen to me, okay?Copy !req
24. I'm not saying this because I'm your friend,
I say it because it's true.Copy !req
25. Your food is abysmal!Copy !req
26. - Ross?
- What? What?Copy !req
27. - I am freaking out!
- Are you?Copy !req
28. My due date is in one week!Copy !req
29. - What are you doing up?
- That is seven days.Copy !req
30. Look, I had a lot of water.
Can we do this after...?Copy !req
31. No, no, no, no, Ross!Copy !req
32. Please, come on.
We do not have any big stuff we need.Copy !req
33. We don't have a changing table.
We do not have a crib.Copy !req
34. - We do not have a diaper service.
- Funny you should mention diapers.Copy !req
35. - I'm serious.
- Look. There's nothing to worry about.Copy !req
36. We have plenty of time.
There's a baby furniture store on West 10th.Copy !req
37. Tomorrow, we'll go there...Copy !req
38. - ... and we'll get everything we need. Okay?
- Okay. Thank you. That's great.Copy !req
39. Wait, where on West 10th?
There's a really cute shoe store...Copy !req
40. Okay. If, uh... If you're gonna do this...Copy !req
41. then I'm gonna go do that, so...Copy !req
42. - Wait, Ross! I'm sorry, one more thing.
- Yeah.Copy !req
43. Um, our situation, you know, um,
what we mean to each other...Copy !req
44. and, I mean, we're having this baby
together and we live together...Copy !req
45. Isn't that...? Isn't that weird?Copy !req
46. Well, uh...Copy !req
47. - I'm just kidding. You can go pee. Ha, ha.
- Oh...!Copy !req
48. Hey, I can't remember.
Did we say we were gonna meet here...Copy !req
49. - ... or at the movie?
- At the movies...Copy !req
50. - I'll see you there.
- Joey. Now that you're here...?Copy !req
51. Sure, I can hang out
till I have to meet you.Copy !req
52. - How come you're not going?
- I've got a job interview to get ready for.Copy !req
53. - I thought you already have a job.
- And people say you don't pay attention.Copy !req
54. This is a much better job.
It's vice president of the company...Copy !req
55. that does data reconfiguration...Copy !req
56. and statistical factoring
and for other companies.Copy !req
57. - Wow. How do you know how to do that?
- That's what I do now.Copy !req
58. - Joey? Come taste this.
- What is it?Copy !req
59. Remember the guy that gave me
a bad review? Well...Copy !req
60. I'm getting my revenge.Copy !req
61. You cooked him?Copy !req
62. No. He teaches a course on food criticism
at The New School.Copy !req
63. Before we go to the movies, I want
to make him try my bouillabaisse again.Copy !req
64. Ugh, I can't wait to read the front
page tomorrow:Copy !req
65. "Restaurant reviewer admits:
I was wrong about Monica. "Copy !req
66. The front page?Copy !req
67. You really do live in your own
little world, don't you?Copy !req
68. Do you want these delivered,
Mr. and Mrs. Geller?Copy !req
69. - Oh, no, no, no. No, no.
- Heh. No, no.Copy !req
70. - We're not married.
- We are having a baby together...Copy !req
71. but we're not involved.Copy !req
72. I mean, uh, we... We were seeing
each other a while ago...Copy !req
73. but then we were just friends,
and then there was one drunken night...Copy !req
74. Or, yes, stranger,
we'd like this delivered, please.Copy !req
75. - Why don't you fill out this address card?
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
76. - I noticed you picked out
a lot of dinosaurs. -Oh, yeah.Copy !req
77. That's one of the reasons
why we are not a couple.Copy !req
78. I chose those. I'm a paleontologist.Copy !req
79. Really? That is so cool.Copy !req
80. Oh, don't get too worked up over it.
It sounds like he's a doctor, but he's not.Copy !req
81. Oh, no. I'm fascinated by paleontology.Copy !req
82. - Have you read the Walter Alvarez book?
- Yeah, heh, I teach it in class.Copy !req
83. Oh, my God. Standing at a cash register,
I'm holding a credit card, and I'm bored.Copy !req
84. I love your neighborhood. There's a great
gym around the corner from your building.Copy !req
85. - That's my gym.
- I could tell you work out.Copy !req
86. A paleontologist who works out.
You're like Indiana Jones.Copy !req
87. I am like Indiana Jones.Copy !req
88. Hi, Pheebs.Copy !req
89. Hey! Oh, how did baby shopping go?Copy !req
90. It was great!
We got everything we needed.Copy !req
91. Oh, and Ross almost got
something that wasn't on the list.Copy !req
92. Ahem, a whore.Copy !req
93. - What?
- We were paying for our stuff...Copy !req
94. and this sales woman
just started flirting with him.Copy !req
95. Can you believe that?Copy !req
96. - Did she know you two weren't married?
- Yeah.Copy !req
97. Oh, my God. Well, the idea...
A woman flirting with a single man?Copy !req
98. - We must alert the church elders.
- No.Copy !req
99. You don't understand.
You didn't see how brazen she was.Copy !req
100. - Sounds like you're a little jealous.
- No, I'm not.Copy !req
101. I just think it's wrong.
I mean, here I am, about to pop...Copy !req
102. and he's out picking up
some shopgirl at Sluts-R-Us?Copy !req
103. Is that a real place?Copy !req
104. Are they hiring?Copy !req
105. - Hey, Phoebe. Fatty.
- Wha...?Copy !req
106. Hey, Chandler, why so fancy?Copy !req
107. Well, I got a job interview.
Big deal, too.Copy !req
108. It's more money. I'd be doing data
reconfiguration and statistical factoring.Copy !req
109. - I think I know someone who does that.
- Me. I do that.Copy !req
110. So seriously, do I look okay? I'm nervous.Copy !req
111. Oh, yeah. You... Really, you look great.Copy !req
112. You know, just don't get your hopes up.Copy !req
113. - Why not?
- Well, the interview.Copy !req
114. - What about it?
- You know.Copy !req
115. You don't make a very good
first impression.Copy !req
116. - What?
- Oh, you don't know.Copy !req
117. - Are you serious?
- Yes. When I first met you, you were like:Copy !req
118. I was like:Copy !req
119. Shh!Copy !req
120. What is it that I do?Copy !req
121. It's just, like, you're trying too hard,
always making jokes.Copy !req
122. You just... You come off a little needy.Copy !req
123. Did you like me when we first met?Copy !req
124. Chandler, I'm not gonna lie to you.Copy !req
125. But I am gonna run away from you.Copy !req
126. Hi. I'm Monica Geller,
chef at Allessandro's.Copy !req
127. Still?Copy !req
128. I think the things you said were unfair...Copy !req
129. and I would like you to give
my bouillabaisse another chance.Copy !req
130. I don't see any reason
why I'd do that to myself again.Copy !req
131. Either eat it or be in it.Copy !req
132. SPOon?Copy !req
133. - So, what do you think?
- I'm torn...Copy !req
134. between my integrity
and my desire to avoid a beating.Copy !req
135. But I must be honest.
Your soup is abysmal.Copy !req
136. Thattagirll Eh? We should get out of here,
there's a new class coming in.Copy !req
137. Welcome to Introduction to Cooking.
Before we start...Copy !req
138. can anyone tell me the difference
between hollandaise and béarnaise sauce?Copy !req
139. - I can.
- Okay, go ahead.Copy !req
140. Well, um, they both have a egg yolk
and butter base.Copy !req
141. But a béarnaise, um, has shallots,
chervil, and most importantly, tarragon.Copy !req
142. - Ha, ha, very good. What's your name?
- Monica.Copy !req
143. - Monica, you go to the head of the class!
- Okay!Copy !req
144. All this stuff takes up a lot of room.Copy !req
145. Hey, how, uh, serious are you
about keeping Ben in your life?Copy !req
146. My son? Pretty serious.Copy !req
147. Oh, hey, Katie.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
148. The delivery went out
and I realized they forgot this.Copy !req
149. Ah, it must have been obvious, since it
was the only thing left in your store.Copy !req
150. Listen, to be honest, home deliveries
aren't really part of my job description.Copy !req
151. Oh.Copy !req
152. Oh, um, I actually came here
to ask you out.Copy !req
153. Oh. Wow. Uh, yeah, that sounds great.Copy !req
154. I'm just gonna put this back in my
pocket and pretend that didn't happen.Copy !req
155. Uh, I'm free now.
You want to grab some coffee...?Copy !req
156. - Sure.
- Horny bitch.Copy !req
157. No, you're a horny bitch!
No, you're a horny bitch!Copy !req
158. No, you're a horny bitch!Copy !req
159. So you guys go, have a really good time.Copy !req
160. I'm just gonna grab my coat.
And, uh, my whip.Copy !req
161. You know, because of Indiana Jones.Copy !req
162. Not because I'm into S&M.Copy !req
163. I'm not into anything weird,
you know? Heh.Copy !req
164. Just normal sex.Copy !req
165. So I'm gonna grab my coat.Copy !req
166. So you had a good day, huh?
Big commission, picked up a daddy.Copy !req
167. Are you okay with this?Copy !req
168. Oh, yeah. Yeah, please.
You guys have fun.Copy !req
169. - Okay. Heh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
170. It was nice to see you.Copy !req
171. Oh, and it was great to see you too.
And you look fantastic.Copy !req
172. - Ah, heh.
- Although you missed a button.Copy !req
173. Oh, actually, I, um...Copy !req
174. Oh, okay, I see
what you're doing there.Copy !req
175. I can't even believe this.
I really come off that badly?Copy !req
176. Ugh, it's okay. You calm down
after a while...Copy !req
177. and then people can see
how sweet and wonderful you are.Copy !req
178. Good. Because I'm sure this
interview's gonna last a couple of weeks.Copy !req
179. All right, don't freak out, okay?
I will help you.Copy !req
180. - How long before you have to leave?
- An hour.Copy !req
181. - I can't help you.
- Phoebe...Copy !req
182. We'll do our best. I'm the interviewer
and I'm meeting you for the first time.Copy !req
183. - Okay.
- Hi. Come on in. I'm Regina Phalanges.Copy !req
184. - Chandler Bing.
- Oh, Bing.Copy !req
185. - What an unusual name.
- Well, you should meet my Uncle Bada.Copy !req
186. I'll let myself out.Copy !req
187. H93'-Copy !req
188. Your alfredo's dry.
Did you use your cheese?Copy !req
189. When you say "use," do you mean
"eat as a pre-cooking snack"?Copy !req
190. - And the cream?
- Cheese makes me thirsty.Copy !req
191. - Okay. Let's move on.
- All right.Copy !req
192. Oh. Something smells good
over at Monica's station.Copy !req
193. My God! This is absolutely amazing!
You've never made this before?Copy !req
194. Oh, no. I don't know anything
about cooking.Copy !req
195. I had to ask what it was called
when the water makes those bubbles.Copy !req
196. Wow. Hats off to the chef.Copy !req
197. I'm sorry, your mouth was full.
I didn't hear what you said.Copy !req
198. - Hats off to who now?
- The chef!Copy !req
199. Heh, that's right!Copy !req
200. I think you'll find if I work here
that I don't micromanage.Copy !req
201. I don't shy away from delegating.Copy !req
202. Mm-hm. That's good to know. But let's
stop focusing on what you don't do...Copy !req
203. and focus on what you do do.Copy !req
204. What I do do...Copy !req
205. is manage to, uh,
create an atmosphere of support...Copy !req
206. for the people working with me.Copy !req
207. I see. Nice sidestep on the "do do" thing.Copy !req
208. - Hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
- Oh, you gotta go!Copy !req
209. - Okay, don't worry. You're ready.
- Really?Copy !req
210. Absolutely! Just fight all your
natural instincts, and you'll be great.Copy !req
211. Ah, Monica, my star student.Copy !req
212. Heh. You called me that before...Copy !req
213. so I took the liberty of
fashioning a star out of foil.Copy !req
214. Now, no pressure. If you like my
cookies, you give me the star.Copy !req
215. Mm. Mm-mm-mm.Copy !req
216. Wow, a star!Copy !req
217. I know you all hate me,
and I'm sorry, but I don't care.Copy !req
218. - Okay, Joey, you're up next.
- Yeah.Copy !req
219. Oh, my God! This is amazing!Copy !req
220. You get an A.Copy !req
221. I got an A? In school?
Hey, I'm a dork!Copy !req
222. Joey, I'm so proud of you.Copy !req
223. - I think you should give him your star.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
224. - He doesn't even know what he's doing.
- We're all beginners.Copy !req
225. - Nobody knows what they're doing.
- I do. I'm a professional chef!Copy !req
226. Oh, relax. It's not a courtroom drama.Copy !req
227. What are you doing
taking Introduction to Cooking?Copy !req
228. Yeah!Copy !req
229. I'm sorry. It's just that, um,
I cook at this restaurant, Allessandrds...Copy !req
230. and, um, I just got
a really bad review.Copy !req
231. - Oh, Allessandro's? I love that place!
- You do?Copy !req
232. Yes, you're an excellent chef.
As a person you're a little...Copy !req
233. - Oh, totally crazy, but you liked the food?
- Ha, ha. Very much.Copy !req
234. Okay, then. I don't stink.
I'm a good chef! Okay.Copy !req
235. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
I don't want to go. I'm having fun.Copy !req
236. Actually, did either of you
pay for this class?Copy !req
237. Hey, if my friend says
it's time to go, it's time to go!Copy !req
238. Also, I was the point person
on my company's transition...Copy !req
239. from the KL5 to GR6 systems.Copy !req
240. - You must have had your hands full.
- That I did. That I did.Copy !req
241. So let's talk a little bit
about your duties.Copy !req
242. My duties?Copy !req
243. All right.Copy !req
244. You'll be heading a whole division,
so you'll have a lot of duties.Copy !req
245. - I see.
- But there'll be 30 people under you...Copy !req
246. so you can dump
a certain amount on them.Copy !req
247. - Good to know.
- We could go into detail...Copy !req
248. No, don't, I beg of you.Copy !req
249. All right, then. We'll have a definite
answer for you on Monday.Copy !req
250. But I can say with some
confidence, you'll fit in well here.Copy !req
251. - Really?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
252. - You can relax. You did great.
- I gotta say, thank you.Copy !req
253. I was really nervous. I'm told I come on
too strongly, too many jokes.Copy !req
254. And then it was really hard
to side step that "duty" thing.Copy !req
255. Duties?Copy !req
256. Doodies?Copy !req
257. Poo?Copy !req
258. Poo?Copy !req
259. Oh, my God. This doesn't count. Okay?
The interview was over.Copy !req
260. That was the real Chandler Bing.
This is some crazy guy in the hall.Copy !req
261. Call security! There's a crazy guy
out in the hall!Copy !req
262. Poo?Copy !req
263. I'll look forward to your call.Copy !req
264. - Hey!
- Hey!Copy !req
265. - You're back from your date.
- How are you?Copy !req
266. I'm fine. But that's not important.
What's important is how was she?Copy !req
267. Uh, it was fun. We just had coffee.Copy !req
268. Oh, uh-huh, uh-huh, coffee,
a little rub-rub-rub under the table?Copy !req
269. Heh, what's going on?
Do you not like Katie?Copy !req
270. No. No, she was nice.Copy !req
271. I mean, she was a little slutty,
but who isn't?Copy !req
272. Well, I liked her.Copy !req
273. Of course you did. You'd date a gorilla
if it called you Indiana Jones.Copy !req
274. Did you get a fresh batch
of pregnancy hormones today?Copy !req
275. No. It's just that... Katie bothered me.Copy !req
276. Why? What was wrong with her?Copy !req
277. Ugh, there was nothing wrong with her.
All right? She was perfectly lovely.Copy !req
278. - Okay. So, what's the matter?
- I don't want you to date her.Copy !req
279. Heh, what? Why? What, are you jealous?Copy !req
280. Yes. And not because
I want you to go out with me.Copy !req
281. Because I don't want you
to go out with anybody.Copy !req
282. I know it's a terrible thing to even
think this and it's inappropriate...Copy !req
283. but I want you to be at my constant
beck and call, 24 hours a day.Copy !req
284. I'm very sorry, but that is
just the way that I feel.Copy !req
285. - Okay.
- What?Copy !req
286. I won't date. I'll, uh...Copy !req
287. I'll be here with you all the time.Copy !req
288. Really?Copy !req
289. But I'm being so unreasonable.Copy !req
290. True, but you're allowed to be
unreasonable. You're having our baby.Copy !req
291. Oh...Copy !req
292. Oh, Ross, thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
293. You feel better?Copy !req
294. No, not really. You're pressing
the baby into my bladder...Copy !req
295. and now I have to pee. Sorry.Copy !req
296. - Okay.
- Rash?Copy !req
297. - Yeah?
- Just one thing. Um...Copy !req
298. We live together. You're having our
baby. I'm not gonna see anybody else.Copy !req
299. Are you sure you don't want
something more?Copy !req
300. Wow. I don't know, maybe...Copy !req
301. Oh, Rach,
I was just messing around. Heh.Copy !req
302. - Like you did when I had to pee?
- Oh! Ha! I knew that.Copy !req
303. I knew that!
I was just messing with you too!Copy !req
304. Okay. Because for a minute
you seemed...Copy !req
305. - No, no, no, no. No! It's just... Ha!
- ... like you actually...Copy !req
306. That's just because
I'm such a good messer!Copy !req
307. Ah! Ah, heh.Copy !req
308. - Rash?
- Yeah?Copy !req
309. - The bathroom?
- Right.Copy !req
310. I had a great time. I learned how to bake,
ate great food.Copy !req
311. The first A I've gotten since 7th grade
and I didn't have to sleep with the teacher.Copy !req
312. - Oh, look. Acting for Beginners.
- Yeah.Copy !req
313. Wanna feel good about yourself?Copy !req
314. - What the hell!
- Okay.Copy !req
315. All right, let's start with some basics.Copy !req
316. Can anybody tell me what the difference
between upstage and downstage is?Copy !req
317. Yeah, this was a stupid idea.Copy !req