1. Listen, you know what, sir?
For the last time,
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2. I don't care what
the computer says.
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3. We did not take a bag
of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar,
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4. and we did not watch
"Doctor Do-Me-A-Little."
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5. - Hey.
- Oh.
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6. - Joey, were you in our room last night?
- No.
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7. I was told the name of the movie
would not appear on the bill.
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8. Hi. We're checking out
of the bridal suite.
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9. That's right. I'm
no longer a bride.
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10. I'll never be a bride again.
Now I'm just someone's wife.
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11. And I'm the happiest guy
in the world.
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12. Oh, come on, honey. Don't be upset.
We still have so much to look forward to.
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13. Oh, yeah, right.
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14. - We've got the honeymoon.
- Oh, that's not till Thursday.
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15. - The wedding pictures.
- Those won't be ready for weeks.
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16. Not the disposable
cameras from the tables.
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17. That's true. I knew I
married you for a reason.
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18. I'll tell you what.
I will go get them developed,
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19. - and you can go home.
- Okay.
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20. - What? What did you take a picture of?
- Nothing. It was something, huh?
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21. Okay, Ross has the cameras.
Has he checked out yet?
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22. - Are you joking?
- No.
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23. Checkout is not till noon,
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24. - and he has a good 11 minutes left.
- So?
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25. So, Ross has never checked out of a room
a minute before he had to.
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26. Yeah. One time
when we were dating,
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27. we got a late checkout. He got so excited,
it was the best sex we ever had.
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28. Until, you know, he screamed
out "Radisson" at the end.
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29. Okay, well, I'm going to get Ross, get
the cameras, and get them developed.
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30. Thirty-two, Joe.
You're 32.
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31. - Here's a copy of your bill.
- Oh, thanks.
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32. Champagne, strawberries.
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33. Oh, my God! I can't believe Chandler
ordered porn on our wedding night.
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34. Yeah, that's sad.
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35. Mashuga nut?
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36. - Hi.
- Hi.
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37. Soaps? Shampoos?
Are you really taking all this stuff?
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38. Why not? It's... it's built
into the price of the room.
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39. Yeah, but you don't need...
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40. - what is this?
- Thread.
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41. Score.
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42. - Where are the disposable cameras?
- What disposable cameras?
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43. The cameras. Remember last night
I asked you to take them.
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44. - No, you didn't.
- Yes. Remember?
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45. Right before we cut the cake,
I went up to you and I said...
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46. Oh, yeah. You came up to me
and asked me if I could do you a favor,
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47. and then my Uncle Murray came up to you
and handed you a check,
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48. and then you said, "Why do they call it
a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?"
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49. - Yeah, then you did that.
- So, you don't have the cameras?
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50. - No. Sorry, man.
- So what? What?
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51. They're gone? Monica's
going to freak.
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52. Well, I'm sure they're still
somewhere here in the hotel.
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53. I'll help you look for them.
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54. - Great.
- Yeah, in... in three minutes.
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55. - Hey
- Hey.
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56. Are you going to open
the presents without Chandler?
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57. No.
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58. It's just, you know, that...
well, they're calling out to me.
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59. I mean, this little guy
even crawled up in my lap.
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60. Oh, come on, Chandler wouldn't
mind if I open just one present.
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61. What do you think it is?
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62. A little mirror that when you look into it,
you see yourself as an old woman.
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63. A tiny salt shaker!
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64. Oh! My God, for tiny salt.
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65. Oh, wow. Okay.
Well, that was fun.
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66. - Oh, yeah.
- That was fun.
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67. Okay, I'm just going to wait for Chandler
to open up the rest of them.
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68. - Okay.
- Whew!
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69. Although, you know, this is part
of a... salt and pepper set.
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70. I guess, you know, it may just count as
half a present. What do you think?
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71. Well, I guess it's okay to open
one more if it's part of a set.
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72. You know, it's
probably this one.
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73. Or this one.
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74. Hi.
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75. Hey, how are you feeling?
Do you have any morning sickness?
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76. Shh! The guys don't
know yet, do they?
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77. No. Joey and Ross
don't know anything,
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78. and Chandler still thinks
that Phoebe's pregnant.
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79. - Oh.
That's right.
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80. Chandler does still
think I'm pregnant.
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81. He hasn't asked me how I'm feeling,
or offered to carry my bags.
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82. Oh, I feel bad for the woman
who ends up with him.
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83. After you, of course.
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84. Well, don't worry.
I promise that you will
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85. only have to be pregnant
for a few more hours,
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86. 'cause I'm going to tell
the father today.
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87. Ooh, is it someone in this building?
Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
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88. - Ooh, no!
- What? I think he's cute.
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89. - Well, then, you have his baby.
- Believe me, I'm trying.
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90. Well, you know, it is so weird. I mean,
you're going to tell this guy today,
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91. and he has no idea
what's going to happen.
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92. No.
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93. Yeah. Yeah, you're
just going to knock
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94. on his door and change
his life forever.
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95. You're like Ed McMahon,
except without the big check...
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96. or the raw sexual magnetism.
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97. Yeah, well, I guess
it is pretty big news.
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98. Pretty big? It's huge.
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99. God, this guy doesn't have a clue.
He's just walking down the street thinking,
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100. "I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock."
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101. Then, bam! He's a father,
everything's different.
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102. Well, it's only different
if he wants it to be.
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103. I mean, I'm not going to
ask him for anything.
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104. Okay, then, he still has this huge decision
to make. Now he's walking around thinking,
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105. "Do I want to be a dad?"
And then, bam!
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106. What was that "bam"?
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107. I don't know. He... he's
hit by a bus or something.
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108. - Hey.
Hi.
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109. Hey, Joey, what would
you do if someone that
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110. you slept with told you
that she was pregnant?
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111. Who called here?
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112. Did she sound blonde? Huh? Did she
have an accent? I got to make a call.
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113. I should have never walked
into that Sunglass Hut!
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114. Oh, Joey... Joey, it's not you.
You didn't get anybody pregnant.
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115. Oh. Why would you scare me like that?
What the hell's going on?
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116. Is somebody pregnant?
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117. Oh, yeah, that's me.
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118. Oh, my God, Pheebs!
You're going to have a baby?
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119. Yes, yes, I am.
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120. Oh, my God,
I'm going to have a baby!
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121. - Wait a minute. Who's the father?
- You don't know him.
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122. It's not important. He wants nothing
to do with me or the baby.
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123. Well, who is this guy, huh?
Who is he?
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124. 'Cause I will track him
down and kick his ass.
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125. - David Linn.
- David Linn.
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126. David Linn. David Linn.
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127. Who's David Linn?
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128. Oh, some guy from my gym.
A little annoying.
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129. - Chandler?
- Hey, did you find the cameras?
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130. No. Did you?
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131. Yes. That's why I'm under
the table... celebrating.
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132. Well, I checked in
the lost and found.
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133. I talked to the manager.
No one's turned them in.
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134. Well, this is great. Those
cameras were the only thing that
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135. was going to cheer Monica up
today. She's really depressed.
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136. Now, you guys just got married.
Why is she so depressed?
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137. All my energy is going into
not asking that question.
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138. - I can't believe I screwed this up.
- I'm sorry, man.
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139. Here's a thought.
This is the same ballroom.
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140. There's a band. There's going to
be plenty of dressed up people.
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141. Are you suggesting
we dance our troubles away?
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142. No, no, no. I'm saying we... we
buy more of these at the
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143. gift shop, throw our tuxes back
on and take a few pictures.
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144. All we have to do is make sure
not to get anybody else's faces.
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145. Are you serious?
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146. I'm just thinking about your
new bride at home,
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147. okay? Do you really want to start your
life together by letting her down?
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148. Marriage advice? Really?
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149. I'm telling you, this looks
exactly like your wedding.
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150. Aren't these the same flowers?
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151. I don't know. Monica
picked out the flowers.
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152. - Well, what about the chairs?
- She picked those out, too.
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153. - How about the place settings?
- That was her.
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154. - What did you do?
- I was in charge of the cameras.
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155. - Gift shop?
- Hmm.
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156. Hey.
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157. - Ooh, did you do it yet?
- Not yet.
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158. Oh. Well, then what are you doing here?
Are you about to do it?
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159. - Is it Gunther?
- No.
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160. - Phoebe, it's not Gunther.
- Thank God, 'cause that hair on a baby...
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161. Phoebe, the father is not here, okay?
I haven't told
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162. him yet, and I don't think
I can tell him at all now.
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163. - Why not?
- Well, I don't know. Let me think.
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164. I was walking down
the street, thinking,
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165. "I'm going to tell the father
today," and then, bam!
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166. Bus?
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167. No, you. Phoebe, you freaked me out.
You kept saying how huge this all is.
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168. - Well, but it is huge.
- I know,
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169. but I was just thinking
about how huge it was for me.
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170. I didn't even go to how huge
this is going to be for the father.
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171. You're thinking about this
way too much.
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172. Just tell him and get it over with.
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173. It's like ripping off this Band-Aid.
Quick and painless. Watch.
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174. Ow, mother of...!
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175. See?
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176. Ooh. Are we opening presents?
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177. No, no. I shouldn't
have even opened these.
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178. Joey, I am out of control!
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179. Joey, you have to do me a favor.
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180. No matter what I say, no matter what I do,
please do not let me open another present,
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181. - okay?
- Okay.
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182. - Give me one more.
- Okay.
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183. Hey.
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184. Oh, good. You're here.
Uh, Pheebs, listen, uh,
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185. - sit down. I got something I want to say.
- All right.
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186. Um...
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187. it's a scary world out there...
especially for a single mom.
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188. Now, I've always felt that you
and I have a special bond,
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189. so... Phoebe Buffay,
will you marry me?
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190. Oh, my God.
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191. - Joey...
- Oh, yeah. I'll marry you.
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192. - You can't marry him.
- Hey, lady, your day's over. It's my turn.
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193. - Phoebe...
- What? Why can't she marry me?
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194. I can and I will.
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195. She's not pregnant. It's Rachel.
Rachel's the one who's pregnant, okay.
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196. - Oh, my God.
- Hey!
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197. I think he would notice when you
didn't have a baby in nine months.
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198. It's Joey.
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199. I love you.
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200. I can't believe it.
Rachel's pregnant?
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201. - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
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202. Well, who's the father?
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203. We don't know.
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204. - Oh... I wonder if it's that dude?
- There's a dude?
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205. - Yeah.
- Who? Who is it?
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206. About a month ago, this guy
spent the night with Rachel.
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207. Now, I didn't see
who it was, but...
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208. Was that story over?
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209. - The guy left this.
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210. Oh, my God.
I know who the father is.
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211. People have got
to finish their stories.
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212. Uh, excuse me. Could you
take a picture of us, please?
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213. Oh, of course.
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214. - Uh, would you take one of us?
- Uh, yeah. Sure.
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215. Click.
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216. It didn't click.
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217. - I heard it.
- See?
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218. - But there was no flash.
- Why won't you take our picture?
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219. Oh, yeah, I'll... I'll take,
I'll take your picture.
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220. Um, your finger was
covering the lens.
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221. Who are you, Ansel Adams?
Get out of here!
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222. Look, I feel really bad about
how I freaked you out before,
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223. so, I called the father and asked him to
meet you here so you could tell him. Go!
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224. Wha... hey, wait a minute. Phoebe,
how do you even know who the father is?
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225. I may play the fool at times,
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226. but... I'm a little more than just a pretty
blonde girl with an ass that won't quit.
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227. I believe this belongs to the
father of your baby.
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228. Oh, God.
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229. - Oh, he's in there right now?
- Uh-huh.
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230. Now, you can turn around, or you can
go in there and rip the Band-Aid off.
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231. What do you want to do?
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232. - Uh... let's rip.
- Really? Are you sure?
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233. - Oh, Phoebe.
- Okay, sorry. Yeah.
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234. Hey, Rach.
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235. Why don't you go up on stage. I'll get
a picture of you doing the speech.
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236. Okay, okay.
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237. Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre
please see the front desk?
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238. Your car is about to be towed.
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239. That's my car.
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240. - A '95 LeSabre?
- Yes.
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241. - A green LeSabre?
- Yes.
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242. - I'm sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre.
- Yes, green-blue.
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243. Well, go. Go move it!
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244. - Okay. Ready for the last picture?
- Yeah.
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245. Get ready to run.
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246. Congratulations on your wedding.
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247. So, what's this about?
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248. Rachel has something
that she wants to tell you,
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249. and, um, I believe that
this is your red sweater?
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250. No. This is my red sweater.
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251. Oh, no.
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252. Can I get anyone
a coffee, or...?
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253. poison? No? Just for me? Okay.
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254. What's going on, Rach?
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255. Nothing. Phoebe kind
of made a mistake.
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256. But, you know, you do
wear that sweater a lot.
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257. Are you involved in
some kind of dare?
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258. You know, I'm actually
glad Phoebe called.
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259. I know we broke up 'cause you
thought I wasn't mature enough,
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260. but I've really grown up, and
I think we should get back together.
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261. Oh, it's just not
the right time.
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262. - It is the right time.
- Okay.
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263. - I'm ready for more.
- Tag...
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264. Come on, Rach,
let's give it another try.
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265. - I'm having a baby.
- Oh.
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266. - You can go.
- Thank you.
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267. I don't know how any
of these got opened!
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268. - You opened them all?
- I know, I know! I am a terrible person.
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269. Chandler's never going to trust me
with anything ever again.
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270. - Oh, hey, you got my parents' gift.
- Yeah, what is that?
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271. I don't know. I think
it does something to salami.
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272. - Hey, how did it go?
- Yeah, what did Tag say?
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273. Tag is not the father.
And Joey knows now?
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274. I do, Rach, I do,
and I'm so happy for you.
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275. Oh, wow, you didn't even
try to unhook my bra.
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276. So, are you ever going
to tell whoever it is?
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277. Yeah, I will.
I'm just not up for it tonight.
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278. Hey, Rach, listen, no matter
what this guy says,
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279. I want you to know you're
not going to be alone in this.
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280. - I'm not?
- No.
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281. Listen, I, uh...
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282. it's a scary world out there,
especially for a single mom.
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283. Aww...
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284. Uh, I've always felt like you and I
have this special bond, you know?
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285. - So, Rachel Green, will you marry me?
- What?
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286. - What?
- What?
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287. - Pheebs, give me the ring back.
- No!
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288. Joey, oh, you're so sweet.
You are so, so sweet, honey.
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289. But I'm not looking
for a husband.
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290. I understand.
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291. Now, if you will excuse me,
I'm going to go and lie down.
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292. I can't say that didn't hurt.
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293. - But I'll take you back, Joey Tribbiani.
- Uh, yeah, Pheebs, listen, about that.
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294. - Ohh, a Salami Buddy!
- There you go.
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295. - We're back.
Great!
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296. We're hanging in the kitchen.
Let's stay in the kitchen.
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297. - It's picture time.
- Now, you are going to love these.
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298. Here's a picture of Ross...
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299. and that's me...
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300. and that's me and Ross.
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301. Oh, and here's a picture of our
first kiss as a married couple.
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302. - Wow, that is a great picture.
- Huh?
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303. Yeah. And interesting, because I found
the cameras in one of our bags.
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304. Huh. Didn't see that coming.
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305. Okay, so, this isn't
a picture of our first kiss,
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306. but it is a picture of my first kiss
with, with this lady.
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307. Which, by the look on your
face, I'm sure you'll
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308. remember, so we don't need...
there's no need... if we can just...
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309. How about I take the real pictures
and get them developed right now?
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310. - That would be a good idea.
- Okay.
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311. You opened all the
presents without me?
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312. I thought we were supposed
to do that together.
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313. You kissed another woman?
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314. - Call it even?
- Okay.
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315. Well, I'm going to go
get these in some water.
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316. You stole those from
these people's wedding?
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317. No, I took them from
the hotel lobby.
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318. They think they can charge
me for some dirty movie,
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319. and a bag of Mashuga nuts,
they got another thing coming.
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320. Hey, my sweater.
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321. I've been looking for
this for, like, a month.
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322. Oh, my God!
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323. Oh, my God!
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324. - Hey. How you doing?
- Good. Good. Long time no see.
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325. Yeah.
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326. - I like your sweater.
- Oh, hey, right back at you.
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327. - It's crazy about Rachel, huh?
- Yeah. Well, she's one crazy lady.
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328. - So, whose is it?
- Um, I, I don't know, some Italian guy.
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329. Come on, read your own label.
See you later.
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330. - Okay.
- He is so weird.
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