1. Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone
to your parents' anniversary party?
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2. - Sure.
- Yeah.
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3. - Who's the guy?
- Parker, I met him at the dry cleaners.
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4. Did he put a little starch
in your bloomers?
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5. Who said that?
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6. No, he's really great, though.
He has this incredible zest for life.
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7. And he treats me like a queen.
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8. Except at night, when he treats me
like the naughty girl I am.
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9. Oh, by the way, would it be okay
if I give the toast this year?
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10. Are you sure you want to
after what happened at their 20th?
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11. - Yeah, I'd really like to.
- Hopefully this time Mom won't boo you.
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12. Yes. Every year Ross makes the toast,
and it always makes them cry.
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13. - This year, I'm gonna make them cry.
- You wonder why Ross is their favorite?
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14. No, really, any time Ross makes a toast,
everyone cries and pats him on the back.
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15. And they all come up to me and say,
"God, your brother."
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16. You know what they're gonna say
this year? "God, you."
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17. Well, I can promise you,
at least one person will be crying.
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18. I'm an actor, and any actor
worth his salt can cry on cue.
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19. - Really? You can do that?
- Oh, you kidding me? Watch.
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20. Well, I can't do it
with you guys watching me.
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21. - What are you doing?
- I'm working on my toast for the party.
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22. Or as I like to call it:
"Sob-fest 2002."
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23. - Hey, check this out.
- It's a dog.
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24. It's a dead dog.
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25. That's Chi-Chi.
She died when I was in high school.
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26. - You're gonna talk about their dead pet?
- It's good stuff, huh?
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27. - Hi.
Hey.
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28. Joey? You got a present for my parents?
That's so sweet.
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29. Yeah. In honor of their 35th anniversary,
I had a star named after them.
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30. Aw.
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31. - That is so cool.
- And I got them Kama Sutra for the Elderly.
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32. - Do you guys have any extra ribbon?
- Oh, yeah, sure.
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33. What do you need? We got, uh, lace,
satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt—
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34. And I think my testicles
may be in here too.
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35. AW. Chi-Chi. Oh, I loved this dog.
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36. You know, uh, Monica couldn't get braces
because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery.
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37. - What?
- You were the 200-pounder who rode her.
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38. Hey. Everybody, this is Parker.
Parker, this is—
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39. No, wait, don't tell me. Let me guess:
Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel...
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40. and I'm sorry,
Phoebe didn't mention you.
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41. Chandler, I'm kidding.
Already you're my favorite.
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42. - Tell me a little about yourselves.
- Uh, actually, we should get going.
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43. Classic Ross.
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44. Rachel, Rachel, look how you glow.
May I?
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45. I think you already are.
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46. Rachel, you have life
growing inside you.
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47. Is there anything more miraculous—
Ooh, a picture of a dog. Whose is this?
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48. That's my old dog.
He passed away years ago.
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49. Well, at least you were lucky to have him.
Bow-wow, old friend. Bow-wow.
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50. - So where's the party?
- Out on the island. It's in Massapequa.
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51. Massapequa, it sounds magical.
Is it steeped in Native American history?
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52. Well, there is an Arby's
in the shape of a tepee.
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53. - I've got my notes. You got the presents?
Yeah.
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54. - I've got the car keys.
- We're driving?
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55. - Yeah.
- Aces.
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56. - So, uh, he seems like a nice guy.
- Yeah. Yeah, I like him a lot.
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57. - You want to hang back and take a cab?
- Okay, otherwise I'm not going.
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58. Oh.
Hey.
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59. - Hey, Mom.
- This is such a great party.
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60. Thirty-five years. Very impressive.
Do you guys have any pearls of wisdom?
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61. - Jack?
- Why serve food on such a sharp stick?
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62. It's a good question, Dad.
It's a good question.
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63. - Congratulations, you two.
- Thank you, we're so excited.
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64. And also, congratulations
on your wedding.
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65. What?
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66. - Can we talk to you for just a moment?
Yeah.
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67. It's just a little thing.
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68. While we think it's simply marvelous that
you're having this baby out of wedlock...
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69. some of our friends
are less open-minded.
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70. - Which is why we told them you're married.
- What?
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71. Thanks for going along with this.
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72. - We have to pretend that we're married?
- Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight.
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73. You can do this.
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74. - Can you believe that?
- I know.
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75. If you're gonna do the ears, you may
as well take a pass at the nose area.
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76. No, no, I don't want to have to lie
about us being married.
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77. I know. I don't either.
But it's their party, and it's one night.
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78. We don't even have to lie.
We just won't say anything.
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79. If it comes up, we'll smile,
we'll nod along...
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80. - Ross?
- Rachel?
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81. Hi, Aunt Lisa. Uncle Dan.
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82. Congratulations on the baby
and on the wedding.
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83. - Here's something to get you started.
- So how's marriage treating you?
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84. - Unbelievable. It's great.
- I love marriage.
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85. We'll see you later.
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86. Hey.
Hi.
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87. What a beautiful place.
What a great night.
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88. I have to tell you, being here
with all of you in Event Room C...
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89. I feel so lucky. To think of all the
good times that have happened here.
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90. The birthdays, the proms,
the mitzvahs, both bar and bat.
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91. But none of it will compare with tonight.
My God, I don't want to forget this moment.
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92. It's like I want to take a mental
picture of you all. Click.
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93. I don't think the flash went off.
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94. - I'm gonna go find the men's room.
- I'll go with you.
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95. Somewhere, there is someone
with a tranquilizer gun...
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96. and a huge butterfly net
looking for that man.
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97. I have to go too, but I don't
want him complimenting my thing.
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98. I'm so glad we weren't in the car.
Did he ever let up?
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99. He called the Long Island Expressway
a concrete miracle.
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100. This room. This night.
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101. That waiter. His shoes.
I must take a mental picture.
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102. Sorry.
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103. Were you guys making fun of Parker?
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104. That depends, how much did you hear?
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105. Well, he's a little enthusiastic.
What's wrong with that?
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106. - It's just— It's so much.
- Well, so what? I like him.
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107. Do I make fun of the people you've dated?
Tag, Janice, Mona.
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108. No, because friends don't do that.
But do you want my opinion?
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109. In my opinion, your collective dating record
reads like a who's who of human crap.
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110. - I feel terrible.
- I know.
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111. What was wrong with Mona?
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112. - Open it, open it, open it.
- Yeah, baby.
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113. So we never got to hear
about your wedding.
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114. - We were surprised we weren't invited.
- Oh, no, it was just our parents.
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115. It was a small wedding.
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116. But it was beautiful.
It was small, but kind of spectacular.
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117. - Where did you have it?
- On a cliff in Barbados, at sunset.
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118. And Stevie Wonder sang "isn't She Lovely"
as I walked down the aisle.
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119. - Really?
- Yeah.
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120. - Stevie's an old family friend.
- Oh, my God. That sounds amazing.
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121. - I'd love to see pictures.
- Yeah, so would I.
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122. You wouldn't think that Annie Leibovitz
would forget to put film in the camera.
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123. Would you excuse us for a second?
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124. - Um, what are you doing?
- What? I'm not you.
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125. This may be the only wedding
leverhave.
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126. - And I want it to be amazing.
- Okay. Okay. Ooh. Ooh.
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127. - Maybe I rode in on a Harley.
- Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.
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128. Say, uh, ahem, are you okay?
You seem kind of quiet.
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129. - No, I'm fine. I'm great. I'm with you.
- And I'm with you.
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130. What a great time to be alive.
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131. Look at this plate bouncy thing.
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132. What an inspired solution to man's
plate-dispensing problems.
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133. Mm-hm. Yeah.
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134. - Ah. Oysters. Let me feed you one.
- That's not necessary.
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135. - Please?
- No, actually, I don't eat—
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136. - I won't quit until you try one.
- Okay, fine, fine.
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137. - Mm. Mm-hm. Good.
- What're they like? I've never had one.
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138. - Why don't you just try one?
- Nah, they look too weird.
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139. - What are you doing?
- Just going over my toast.
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140. Ah, those two will never know
what hit them.
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141. I can't wait. They're gonna cry so hard,
they'll be fighting for breath.
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142. You know, if you want to, I could just
hold them down and you could just:
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143. And my veil was lace,
made by blind Belgian nuns.
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144. - Blind?
- Well, not at first, but it was intricate work.
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145. And they said even though they lost
their sight, it was all worth it.
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146. - I bet you looked beautiful.
- Oh, well, I don't know about that.
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147. But there were some people that said
I looked like a floating angel.
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148. - How did you propose?
- Oh, yeah, that's a great story.
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149. Well, um, actually,
I took her to the planetarium.
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150. That's where we had our first date.
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151. Um, she walked in, and I had the room
filled with, uh, lilies, her favorite flower.
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152. That is so sweet.
- Shh. I want to hear the rest.
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153. Then Fred Astaire singing, uh,
"The Way You Look Tonight"...
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154. came on the sound system
and the lights came down...
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155. and I got on one knee...
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156. and written across the dome,
in the stars, were the words:
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157. "Will you marry me?"
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158. Aw.
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159. And the ring was the size of my fist.
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160. Hey, uh, Phoebe? Look, uh...
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161. I want to apologize about before, okay?
We were being jerks.
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162. Parker's a nice guy,
and I'd like to get to know him.
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163. Then you better do it now.
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164. - Why?
- Because I'm gonna kill him.
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165. - What?
- You guys were right.
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166. He's just too excited
about everything.
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167. I mean, I'm all for living life, but this is
the Gellers' 35th anniversary.
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168. Let's call a spade a spade.
This party stinks.
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169. I know. I'm having the worst time.
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170. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet,
and when I finally got up to the plates...
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171. I slipped on a giant booger.
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172. Are you sure it wasn't an oyster?
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173. I guess it could've been.
I didn't really look at it.
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174. I just wiped it on Chandler's coat
and got the hell out of there.
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175. I just thought he was such a great guy.
I was so excited about him.
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176. Well, hey, you should
be excited about him.
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177. There's nothing wrong with him.
He's a good guy.
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178. - You think?
- Yeah, know what I think?
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179. - We were all just being too negative.
- You're right.
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180. You're right. He's just embracing life.
We could all stand to be more like Parker.
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181. You know what? I am like him.
I'm a sunny, positive person.
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182. - Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.
- What's that now?
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183. - Oh, it's Parker.
- Look, the Bunny Hop.
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184. - Oh, I love it.
- You do?
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185. Are you kidding? People acting
like animals to music? Come on.
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186. Okay, it's time for the toast.
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187. I know that normally Ross gives the toast,
but this year I'm gonna do it.
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188. No, it's gonna be great. Really.
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189. Okay, um...
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190. Mom, Dad, when I got married...
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191. one of the things
that made me sure that I could do it...
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192. was the amazing example
the two of you set for me.
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193. For that, and for so many other things,
I wanna say thank you.
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194. I know I probably don't
say it enough...
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195. but I love you.
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196. When I look around this room...
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197. I'm saddened by the thought
of those who could not be with us.
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198. Nana, my beloved grandmother,
who would so want to be here.
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199. But she can't...
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200. because she's dead.
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201. As is our dog, Chi-Chi.
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202. I mean, look how cute she is— Was.
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203. Do me a favor,
pass this to my parents.
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204. Remember, um, she's dead, okay?
Her and Nana, gone.
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205. Wow.
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206. Um...
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207. Hey, does anybody remember when...
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208. Debra Winger had to say goodbye
to her children in Terms of Endearment?
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209. Didn't see that?
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210. No movie fans?
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211. You want to hear something sad?
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212. Um, the other day
I was watching 60 Minutes...
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213. and there was this piece
on these orphans in Romania...
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214. who have been so neglected
that they were incapable of love.
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215. You people are made of stone.
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216. Here's to Mom and Dad. Whatever.
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217. Thank you, Monica.
That was, uh, interesting.
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218. - Wasn't it interesting, Jack?
- Why don't I remember this dog?
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219. Ross? Why don't you give us
your toast now?
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220. Oh, no, Mom.
It's just Monica this year.
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221. You're not gonna say anything?
On our 35th wedding anniversary?
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222. No, of course, um...
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223. Um, everybody?
Um, ahem, I just wanted to say...
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224. uh, on behalf of my new bride,
Rachel...
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225. and myself, um, that if...
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226. If in 35 years,
we're half as happy as you guys are...
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227. we'll count ourselves
the luckiest people in the world.
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228. Oh, Ross.
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229. I just wish Nana were alive
to hear Ross' toast.
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230. My God, what a fantastically
well-lit hallway.
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231. Can I, um, get you something to drink,
like a water and Valium?
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232. I must say, this apartment,
it's... there are no words.
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233. - Oh, thank God.
- It's a haven.
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234. - A third-floor paradise, a modern-day Eden.
- Yeah, I know, I know. Uh-huh. Gotcha.
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235. Listen, why don't we just, um, sit and relax,
you know, just be with each other quietly.
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236. - That sounds great.
- Uh-huh.
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237. My God, this is the most comfortable couch
I've ever sat on in my entire life.
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238. Let's try something else.
Let's play a game.
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239. - I love games.
- Shocking.
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240. Um, let's play the game of...
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241. who can stay quiet the longest.
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242. Or Jenga.
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243. Let's play this one first, and remember,
whoever talks first loses.
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244. - I lose, now Jenga.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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245. - Is something wrong?
- Wrong? You know the word "wrong"?
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246. Everything isn't perfect?
Everything isn't magical?
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247. Everything isn't aglow
with the light of a million fairies?
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248. They were just brake lights, Parker.
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249. Well, excuse me for putting
a good spin on a traffic jam.
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250. But you don't have to put
a good spin on everything.
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251. I'm sorry. That's who I am.
I'm a positive person.
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252. No, I'm a positive person.
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253. You are like Santa Claus on Prozac.
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254. At Disneyland, getting laid.
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255. So, what do you want me to do?
You want me to be more negative?
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256. - You want me to be less happy?
- Much less happy.
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257. Fine. Well, then to quote Ross,
"I better be going."
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258. So long.
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259. Hey. Don't let the best door in the world
hit you in the ass on your way out.
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260. Isn't this the most incredible fight
you've ever had in your entire life?
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261. We could've gone from the ceremony
to the reception with you in the sidecar.
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262. Ross, it just wouldn't have been feasible.
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263. But having a dove place the ring
on your finger would've been no problem.
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264. It was really fun
being married to you tonight.
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265. Yeah, and it was the easiest 400 bucks
I ever made.
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266. - Okay, Ross, can I, um, ask you something?
- Yeah.
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267. - That proposal at the planetarium?
- I know, I know. It was stupid.
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268. Are you kidding? With the lilies,
and the song and the stars?
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269. It was really wonderful.
Did you just make that up?
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270. Uh, no, actually, I thought about it
when we were going out.
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271. That's how I imagined
I, uh, would ask you to marry me.
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272. Wow.
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273. Well, that would've been, uh,
very hard to say no to.
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274. Well, it's a good thing I didn't do it...
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275. because it sounds like it would have been
a very expensive wedding.
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276. - Okay, good night.
- Good night.
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277. Uh, even if the sidecar had a windscreen
so your hair wouldn't get messed up?
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278. - I will think about it.
- That's all I'm asking.
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279. Okay, that's it. I give up.
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280. At Mom and Dad's 40th anniversary,
you're the one giving the speech.
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281. You know, I don't understand why
they didn't cry. It was a beautiful speech.
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282. - Oh, come on.
- Hey. That stuff you said about true love?
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283. You were right. I mean,
we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad.
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284. And that picture of Chi-Chi
with her mischievous grin.
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285. And what you said about Nana?
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286. Oh, yeah, she really would've
wanted to be there.
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287. And you know what?
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288. I think she was.
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289. Oh, good God, Ross,
how the hell do you do it'?
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