1. Joey? Are you in there?
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2. - Oh, my God, that's Rachel.
- Joey, you have to talk to her.
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3. No, I can't. Not after the other night.
It's just... It's too weird, okay?
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4. Don't tell her I'm here.
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5. Don't eat that.
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6. - Hey.
Rach.
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7. Hey, Rachel.
- Is Joey here?
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8. - I don't see him. You see him?
- I don't see him.
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9. Maybe he's in the sugar bowl.
Joey? Nope.
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10. Well, at least you make
each other laugh.
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11. - What's up?
- Well, I haven't seen him since that night...
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12. that he told me how he, you know...
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13. I don't know,
I think he's avoiding me.
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14. Why is that bagel on the floor?
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15. - We were playing a game.
- Ew, was Chandler naked?
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16. Sort of like a ring-toss
kind of situation?
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17. - Sure.
- What? No. No.
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18. All right, well, listen. If you see Joey,
will you just tell him that, uh?
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19. Tell him I miss him.
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20. - Okay. Did you hear that?
- Yeah. That naked bagel game? Heh.
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21. Dude, I don't know.
That's a pretty small hole.
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22. - Honey, you've gotta talk to her.
- I can't.
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23. You guys don't know what it's like
to put yourself out there like that...
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24. and then just get shot down.
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25. I don't know what that's like?
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26. Up until I was 25, I thought the only
response to "I love you" was "Oh, crap."
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27. Hello. No rejection?
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28. I got shot down at fat camp.
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29. Boy, kids are mean when they're hungry.
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30. All right, so, what do I do?
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31. This is Rachel. What are you gonna do,
never talk to her again?
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32. I know it's weird and it's awkward,
but you gotta at least try.
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33. Yeah, okay.
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34. Whoa. I almost forgot this was on your...
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35. We didn't play it.
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36. Okay, so when you're done with your tea,
I'll look at the leaves and tell your fortune.
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37. - I didn't know you read tea leaves.
- Oh, yeah, I've done it for years.
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38. I actually stopped
because I was so accurate.
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39. You know, and one of the great joys
of life...
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40. is its wondrous unpredictability,
you know?
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41. And also,
tea tends to give me the trots.
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42. - Okay. I'm done. Read mine.
- Okay.
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43. Ooh. I see a ladder.
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44. Which can mean either a promotion
or a violent death.
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45. I'm the head chef.
I can't get promoted.
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46. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Who's next?
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47. Okay, I'm done. Do mine.
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48. Okay.
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49. - Um... Oh. Okay, I see a circle.
- Oh.
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50. Oh, which can either mean
you're having a baby...
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51. or you're gonna make
a scientific discovery.
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52. Well, I have been spending
a lot of time in the lab.
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53. - What does yours say, Pheebs?
- Um... Wow, all right.
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54. Wow. Yay.
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55. Oh, I'm gonna meet a guy.
And really soon.
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56. And he's gonna be
the man of my dreams.
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57. Probably not the guy
I had a dream about last night.
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58. You.
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59. Hey, has anyone seen my shirt?
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60. It's a button-down,
like a faded salmon color?
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61. You mean your pink shirt?
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62. Faded salmon color?
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63. No, I haven't seen your pink shirt.
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64. Great, great. Then I must have
left it at Mona's. I knew it.
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65. I'm sure you can get another one
at Ann Taylor's.
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66. That's my favorite shirt, okay?
I love that shirt.
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67. Well, just ask Mona to give it back.
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68. I don't know. I mean, I guess I could.
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69. It's just, we didn't really end things
on such good terms.
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70. And if I went over there, I'd be ignoring
the one thing she asked me to do...
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71. when we broke up:
Jump up my own ass and die.
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72. Oh, wait a second, you guys.
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73. For the last couple weeks, I've been
seeing that guy everywhere I go.
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74. We take the same bus, we go to
the same bookstore, same dry cleaner.
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75. Maybe he's the tea guy.
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76. Pheebs, did you see that?
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77. He totally checked you out
and he is so cute.
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78. Mine is a picture of the Village People.
What does that mean?
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79. - Hi.
- Hey.
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80. - Hi.
- Hi.
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81. Tea gives Phoebe the trots.
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82. I thought Joey and I would be okay
once we hung out...
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83. but it's like we don't even know
how to be with each other anymore.
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84. - I know it's tough, but things will get better.
- How do you know that?
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85. What if it just gets
worse and worse and worse...
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86. to the point where we can't even
be in the same room with each other?
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87. I'm not great at the advice.
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88. Can I interest you
in a sarcastic comment?
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89. Some cheese?
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90. Honey, why is the Bruce Springsteen CD
in the Cat Stevens case?
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91. Let's just say if I can't find the right
CD case, I just put it in the nearest one.
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92. - Okay, well, where is the Cat Stevens CD?
- In the James Taylor case.
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93. - Where's the James Taylor CD?
- Honey, I'm gonna save you some time.
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94. Two hundred CDs,
not one of them in the right case.
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95. Okay. No need to panic.
Deep breaths, everyone.
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96. Okay, um, we're just gonna have to
spend some time...
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97. and put the CDs in the right cases.
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98. If we're gonna do that,
we should come up with some order.
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99. Like alphabetically, or by genre.
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100. Hmm, I don't know.
We really have to talk this through.
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101. Oh, my God, you guys have such problems.
I feel so terrible for you.
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102. All right. Okay, I'm sorry.
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103. Look, you and Joey, you're both focusing
on this uncomfortable thing.
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104. What you need to do
is change the subject.
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105. Next time you see him, try to get him
talking about something else.
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106. - Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
- Yeah.
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107. I don't know, maybe you have
a work problem you need his advice on.
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108. - Ooh, I could do that. I could do that.
- Good.
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109. Honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack?
Really?
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110. They were just giving those away
at the store.
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111. In exchange for money.
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112. Hey.
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113. Hi.
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114. I really don't know what to tell you, Rach.
I really don't.
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115. Maybe Joey could help you out
with your big work problem.
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116. - What?
- Yeah, Joey, she's...
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117. Rachel's got this really big work problem.
It is a head-scratcher. Heh.
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118. Well, you know what? If we're gonna make
dinner, we're gonna have to leave. Yeah.
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119. So you, uh, have a big work problem?
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120. Yeah. It's, um...
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121. Yeah, it's, uh...
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122. You know, it's nothing.
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123. Oh. Okay.
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124. So, uh, I think I'm gonna take off.
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125. No, wait, Joey, it is.
It's something. It's, um...
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126. It's my boss.
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127. - Yeah?
- Yeah. And, um...
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128. And my baby.
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129. Yeah?
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130. My boss wants to buy my baby.
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131. What? Oh, my... Oh, my God.
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132. I know, I told you,
it's a really big problem.
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133. - He wants to buy your baby?
- Can you believe that?
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134. - That's crazy.
- That's what I told him.
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135. - How did this even happen?
- Well, I'll tell you.
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136. See, uh, my boss and, uh, his wife,
they can't have children, so, um...
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137. And then when we were
at the Christmas party...
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138. and he got drunk and said to me,
"Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
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139. Man. When you said it was a problem
about your boss and the baby...
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140. I figured it was something
about maternity leave.
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141. Oh. Yeah.
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142. Yeah, that would have been
a much simpler problem.
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143. - Oh, hello.
- Oh, it's you. I see you everywhere.
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144. - Mm-hm.
- I'm Jim. Jim Nelson.
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145. Jim-Jim Nelson.
I'm Phoebe-Phoebe Buffay.
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146. We certainly have been seeing
a lot of each other.
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147. We have. Maybe we'll see each other
at dinner tomorrow. Say, around 8:00?
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148. Well, maybe we will.
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149. Oh.
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150. Mona?
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151. Ow.
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152. Okay, if I were a salmon shirt,
where would I be?
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153. I am so sorry I spilled wine
all over your shirt.
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154. - Oh, it's okay.
No, it's still wet.
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155. Let me get it out before it sets.
Oh, I have something you could wear.
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156. - Here.
Oh, uh...
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157. I don't know if I wanna wear
a woman's shirt.
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158. - No, no, that's a man's shirt.
- Awfully pink.
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159. It's not pink.
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160. Oh, my God, honey,
we are so meant to be together.
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161. - Look, we both have the Annie soundtrack.
- Honey, both yours.
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162. Hey, great advice on that Joey thing.
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163. - Yeah, the work problem?
- It was perfect.
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164. It felt like he was my friend again.
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165. - What problem did you tell him you have?
- Oh, that's not important.
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166. The point is,
I really think everything's gonna be okay.
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167. May I help you?
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168. You think you can just buy
my friend's baby?
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169. Isn't it funny how we kept
running into each other?
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170. It's as if someone really wants us
to be together.
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171. Someone does. Me.
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172. Ooh. Witty banter. Well done. Good.
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173. - So tell me a little bit about yourself.
- Oh, okay. Well, I'm a masseuse.
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174. - And I used to work at this place...
- Do you like to party?
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175. I... I like parties.
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176. You're wild, aren't you? Heh.
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177. - Yeah, I guess. A little.
- Ain't no thing. I'm wild too.
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178. So, um, anyway...
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179. I... I've lived in New York,
somewhat wildly, I guess...
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180. for, um... Well, since I was 14.
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181. I'm sorry. I'm staring.
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182. It's just that you have
the most beautiful eyes.
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183. Oh, stop it.
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184. And your breasts. Mm!
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185. Okay. Ahem.
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186. Look, uh, you're coming on
a little strong.
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187. But I'm gonna give you
the benefit of the doubt.
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188. Because it seems the universe
really wants us to be together.
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189. So why don't we start over, okay?
You can just tell me about yourself.
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190. - All right.
- Okay.
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191. I write erotic novels...
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192. for children.
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193. - What?
- They're wildly unpopular.
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194. Oh, my God.
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195. Also, you might be interested to know
that I have a Ph.D.
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196. - Wow, you do?
- Yep. A pretty huge...
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197. All right.
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198. The sun will come out tomorrow
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199. Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
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200. There'll be sun
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201. - Hey.
- Hey, Joey, honey, listen.
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202. Thank you for talking to me yesterday
about that thing with my boss.
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203. - That really meant a lot.
- Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know...
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204. that guy's not gonna be bothering you
about that baby thing anymore.
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205. - What?
- Let's just say I took care of it.
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206. Ooh, let's say more.
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207. Don't worry, don't worry.
I just told him, very nicely:
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208. "You don't go buying people's babies,
so back off."
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209. - What?
- What?
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210. No, no, no.
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211. Joey, he doesn't wanna buy my baby.
I made that up.
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212. What? Why?
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213. So that we would have something
to talk about so it wouldn't be awkward.
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214. And you couldn't think of anything else?
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215. You said your boss
wants to buy your baby?
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216. I can't believe you yelled at my boss.
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217. I'm gonna lose my job.
What am I gonna do?
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218. You could always sell your baby.
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219. Joey, I cannot believe you brought
my boss into this. I'm gonna get fired.
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220. - You lied to me.
- Well, she told me to.
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221. Chandler has two copies of Annie.
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222. Ah.
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223. Oh, my God.
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224. - Ross!
- Hello.
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225. Ross, what are you doing?
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226. Not touching myself, if that makes
anyone less uncomfortable.
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227. Morning. You wanted to see me?
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228. Please, come in. Have a seat.
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229. - Okay, look, Mr. Zelner...
- Oh, I think it's best that I speak first.
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230. Yeah.
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231. I've asked Lee from human resources
to be here as a witness to our conversation.
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232. Oh, God.
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233. If I in any way implied
that I wanted to buy your baby...
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234. I am sorry. Okay?
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235. Last week, when I asked you
when your due date was, uh...
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236. I certainly did not mean that
I felt that I was due your baby.
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237. Yeah, I want to be very clear...
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238. that I understand that it's your baby...
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239. and it is not mine to purchase.
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240. Well, as long as we are clear about that.
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241. Oh, there it is.
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242. - That's not your regular dry cleaners.
- I know.
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243. But that creep I went on that date with
goes there so I had to find a new one.
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244. I also have to find a new video store,
a new bank...
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245. a new adult bookstore,
a new grocery store...
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246. - What?
- A new grocery store.
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247. The universe said I was gonna meet
a nice guy and that's what they gave me?
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248. When I get up there,
I'm gonna kick some ass.
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249. Don't worry, Phoebe,
you're gonna meet someone.
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250. If I can meet a great guy,
so can you.
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251. Yeah, we both can. And we both will.
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252. - Oh, you didn't have to come in with me.
- Are you kidding?
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253. This is where they get out stains.
This is like Disneyland for me.
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254. I'm gonna be over here
watching the dance of the clean shirts.
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255. Oh, excuse me.
I think you, uh, dropped...
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256. - Wow.
- What?
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257. I'm sorry, it's just that
you're so incredibly beautiful.
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258. Oh, yeah, well, I'm sorry about that too.
But what are you gonna do?
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259. I hope you don't think I'm crazy,
but I feel like I was meant to pick this up.
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260. - Do you believe in that kind of thing?
- A little. Heh.
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261. Now you're talking.
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262. - Would you like to go have a cup of coffee?
- I'd love to. Let me just tell my friend.
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263. Ooh. An ink stain.
Hey, can I watch how you get this out?
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264. She must have left.
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265. - Hi.
- So, what happened?
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266. It's all gonna be okay.
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267. They're just so happy
I'm not suing them...
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268. that they gave me one extra month
paid maternity leave.
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269. So long as I understand that the money
should not be construed...
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270. as a down payment on this
or any other child that I may bear.
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271. Wow. Ralph Lauren
is going out of their way...
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272. to show that they're not
in the baby-buying business.
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273. - Chandler, can you give us a minute?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
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274. - You're kicking me out of my living room?
- Yeah.
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275. I'll be in there.
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276. Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you.
I was just trying to make things...
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277. I know. I know.
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278. But it kind of worked.
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279. I mean, you know,
I don't know about you...
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280. but I haven't thought about our thing
since all this.
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281. Yeah, you're right.
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282. Yeah. It's kind of been like us again,
a little bit.
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283. - Yeah, I know. I've missed that.
- Me too.
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284. I mean, I haven't thought at all
about how I put myself out there...
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285. and said that stuff and how
you didn't feel the same way about me...
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286. and how it was really awkward.
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287. My gynecologist tried to kill me.
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288. Item J437-A.
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289. Winterberry.
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290. Hi, um, listen.
Come here. Come...
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291. I'm so, so sorry about yesterday.
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292. I'm really, really sorry. It's just...
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293. Listen, Ross, you don't have to apologize.
I understand why you were there.
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294. - You do?
- Yeah. You still have feelings for me.
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295. And to be honest,
I still have feelings for you too...
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296. and I wish we could work out, Ross,
but we can't.
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297. It's too complicated with you
and Rachel and the baby. I just...
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298. It just wasn't meant to be.
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299. Oh, God. You're right.
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300. - Ross, we have to be strong.
- Mm.
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301. Okay, I'm gonna go.
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302. Can I? To remember you?
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303. No.
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