Friends 8x14

Richard Penn as Doctor • Amanda Carlin as Dr. Long

Chandler's very curious about a locked closet by the bathroom in their apartment, but Monica won't tell him what is inside. After Phoebe convinces Monica to get a massage from her, she soon finds out that Monica makes sexual noises during the process, which makes Phoebe very uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Rachel feels her baby kick for the first time and Ross is upset when he can't be more involved in Rachel's pregnancy issues.

Request examples:

!req Friends 8x14 [02:32]
!req Friends 8x14 [Friends 8x14]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Friends 8x14 [10-11]; !req Friends 8x14 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. - Hey. What's up? - I left my guitar here again.

2. Oh, okay, no problem.

3. Okay.

4. - Okay. Here you go. - Oh, okay.

5. - Okay. - Okay, uh...

6. - What? - So you want to hang out or something?

7. Phoebe, y-y-you kind of caught me at a bad time.

8. - Oh, are you and Chandler...? - Yes, exactly.

9. Okay. Do you guys want

10. - me to play for you? - No.

11. Hey, Pheebs, what's up?

12. You ask an intriguing question, Chandler Bing.

13. Oh, my God! You're getting a massage? You never let me massage you.

14. - Phoebe, I can explain. - You told me you hate massages.

15. "Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning... don't let Phoebe in."

16. I can't believe this. How long has this been going on?

17. - Well, uh, Alexandra has... - Oh, it has a name.

18. Phoebe, don't get upset.

19. Okay. Oop! Too late. I'm leaving. Come on, Chandler. Let's go.

20. Well, Pheebs, I thought I'd...

21. yeah, what the hell.

22. Oh, okay, okay, come on,

23. - one more push, one more push. - Unh!

24. Come on, honey, we're almost there, almost there.

25. Joey, I'm so happy things worked out for us and we're having this baby together.

26. - I love you so much. - Oh, I love you, too.

27. Mm. And I hope it's not an inappropriate time to say this,

28. but you're the best sex I've ever had.

29. - Oh, that's always appropriate. - Ha, ha.

30. Oh, okay, okay, come on. One more push, one more push.

31. There we go. Oh...

32. Here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations.

33. I hope you are a better father than you are a friend!

34. Whoa! Aah! Whoa!

35. - Joey. Joey. - What, what?

36. - What's going on? Uh... - Come feel this. Come feel my belly.

37. Joey, the baby is kicking for the first time.

38. Will you please come and feel this?

39. - Really? Uh... - Yes.

40. You know what, maybe, uh, you...

41. maybe you should come to me.

42. - I'm not wearing any bottoms, so... - Oh, okay.

43. - Oh, my, oh, my God. - Aah!

44. Oh, it's unbelievable.

45. Wow, she is kicking so much. Oh, she's like, um...

46. oh, who's that kind of annoying girl soccer player?

47. - Mia Hamm? - Mia Hamm!

48. - Wow, it's amazing. - Oh, whoa! One hand on the sheet, Joe.

49. Whoa, eh! Oh, sorry.

50. - Hey, babe. - Hey, honey.

51. So, we just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing. They don't like us, do they?

52. Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks?

53. - Maybe we can take it back. - No. It doesn't say where it came from.

54. Where would we return it?

55. How about to the street? Say, from the balcony?

56. Why don't we just find a place for it?

57. How about in that cabinet?

58. No. That's where we keep the canned goods.

59. Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?

60. How about the closet by the bathroom?

61. - Oh, okay. - Why don't you let me do it.

62. No, no, no, no, no. I will do it.

63. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let

64. your husband take care of things once in a while.

65. It's locked. You have to help me.

66. Why is it locked?

67. No reason. I... I... I keep private things in there.

68. Well, you know, I've been living here for a while,

69. and I've never seen what's inside that closet.

70. What is in there?

71. Feminine stuff.

72. Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!

73. Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you.

74. If you love me, you'll just... you'll let it go.

75. - Fine. - Thank you.

76. Love you.

77. Hello, Chandler. Lovely day, huh? You.

78. Phoebe, if it helps, Alexandra's only been massaging Monica for, like, three years.

79. "If." I said, if it helps.

80. Why won't you let me massage you?

81. Uh, well, it's... I mean, I was just... I'd be self-conscious.

82. I mean, you're my friend; I'd be naked.

83. Monica, we lived together for years. I've seen you naked.

84. That's different. We were roommates... and when?

85. I'm curious about the human body.

86. Hey, come on, Phoebe. You can understand why this would be weird for me.

87. But I'm a professional, and I'm really good.

88. Look, if you're uncomfortable, we can stop. Just give me a chance, okay, please?

89. Okay, if it means that much to you.

90. It does. How would you feel if you couldn't share your cooking?

91. Or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldn't teach us about dragons.

92. - Dinosaurs. - Potato, "potahto."

93. - Hey. - Ross, the baby's kicking.

94. What? It is?

95. It's not kicking right now.

96. Although we would love to see you do that again.

97. When... when was it kicking? What happened?

98. Last night. I just felt it, then I went into Joey's room, and he was sleeping...

99. A dreamless sleep.

100. My God, the baby is kicking. That's great.

101. Although I kind of wish I would have been there

102. to feel the kicking for the first time, you know.

103. I got some stuff going on in here if you want to feel it.

104. Look, I don't want to miss any more baby stuff,

105. so, here... here's my new pager number, okay?

106. Anytime anything pregnancy-related happens, use it. I'll be there, okay?

107. I don't care if it's 3:00 in the morning and all you want is some ice cream.

108. Wow. Can I get a copy of that?

109. - Are you under the sheet? - Yes.

110. Great. Let's begin.

111. - How's the pressure? - Ah...

112. it's nice. Wow, Phoebe, you are good.

113. Stating the obvious, but thank you.

114. - And it's not weird, is it? - No.

115. Oh...

116. That's right, you just enjoy.

117. Oh...

118. oh, yeah!

119. Oh... oh!

120. - Oh, yeah! - Okay.

121. Oh, God, Phoebe!

122. Oh, that's it! That's it, right there! Oh!

123. Oh-ooh...

124. I wasn't trying to open your closet!

125. I wasn't trying to open your closet, I swear!

126. Wow, Monica runs a pretty tight ship around here, doesn't she? What are you doing?

127. Monica has a secret closet, and she won't let me see what's in it.

128. - Why not? - I don't know!

129. What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?

130. I don't know. Ooh...

131. I'll bet it's Richard.

132. Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?

133. Well, off the top of my head, uh...

134. maybe she's having her cake and eating it, too...

135. you being the "cake," Richard being the "too."

136. - Or... - And here we go.

137. I saw this movie once where there was a door,

138. and nobody knew what was behind it.

139. And when they finally got it open, millions and

140. millions and millions of bugs came pouring out

141. and they feasted on human flesh.

142. You know, it wouldn't kill you to respect your wife's privacy!

143. Stupid closet full of bugs, man!

144. Joey... Joey, something feels weird, and not "good weird." I don't know... whoa!

145. Whoa! Do not worry, okay? When my sisters were pregnant,

146. they got every weird feeling in the book. It was always nothing.

147. - Really? - Absolutely.

148. But we're going to stop by the hospital just

149. to be sure, okay? I'll page Ross on the way.

150. Okay. Oh, God! Ow! Ooh!

151. Oh, o-okay, Rach, Rach, look at me. Look at me. Everything's going to be fine.

152. - Okay. - Trust me, okay? Come on.

153. Take my hand. Here we go.

154. I've got... ow! Crushing bones!

155. Okay, good thing we're going to a hospital.

156. - Hey. So? - She's fine.

157. She was experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions...

158. mild discomfort caused by contractions

159. - in the uterine wall. - Hmm.

160. Mild discomfort? I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies?

161. - Everything is normal? - Yes.

162. - And there's no danger to her or the baby? - No.

163. Contractions can be unnerving if you don't know, but she's fine.

164. Thank you, doctor. Aw... and thank you for being so nice and calm.

165. Calm? I wasn't calm. I've never been more scared in my entire life!

166. But, wait. You just said everything was going to be okay.

167. What do I know? I'm not a doctor.

168. But it, oh, but everything is okay;

169. - I'm fine. - You sure?

170. Yes, yes. I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus, though.

171. "Mild discomfort"? What is he talking about?

172. - Is everything okay? - Oh, hey, hey.

173. Yeah, everything is fine.

174. Your page said, "Come to the hospital." What? What was it? What happened?

175. Something called Braxton-Hicks contraction.

176. Ugh, oh. Ha, ha. Oh. Thank God.

177. That's no big deal. Most women don't even feel them.

178. Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

179. Hey, uh, what's with the candy?

180. Oh, when you beeped me, I was in the line at

181. the concession stand at the movie theatre.

182. - Oh, you went to the movies by yourself? - No... Mona!

183. - Oh, I got to go back in there. - Why? What's wrong?

184. Everything's fine, I just got to go back there.

185. No, really, tell me. Wh-What's up?

186. Look, I... I forgot my underwear.

187. So, thanks so much for... for bringing her to the hospital.

188. Oh, hey, don't worry about it, man. Don't worry about it. No big deal.

189. Yeah, but still, I mean, it should have been me. I'm the dad.

190. If you have any questions,

191. - here's some information on Braxton-Hicks. - Oh, thanks.

192. Oh, and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in.

193. - You're going to make a wonderful father. - Oh, uh...

194. Hey, not as good as this guy. He brought Twizzlers.

195. - There's got to be a way! - Easy there, Captain Kirk.

196. - Oh, do you have a bobby pin? - Yeah.

197. Oh, no, wait. I'm not a nine-year-old girl.

198. Then why do you throw like one?

199. - Maybe Monica has a bobby pin. - Oh, sure. "Monica."

200. So how's the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?

201. Really good, really good, yeah. I should be ready to kill myself any day now.

202. Well, you sure found that quick.

203. I just wish I didn't feel this way about Rachel anymore.

204. I wish things could go back to normal.

205. I mean, I love living with her, and, God, helping out with the baby is just amazing.

206. But now I think Ross feels left out,

207. you know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital,

208. the doctor thought I was the father. God, you...

209. you should have seen the look on Ross' face.

210. By the way, I have no idea what I'm doing here.

211. For all I know, I'm just locking it more.

212. Oh, hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?

213. - That's a good idea. Okay. - Yeah.

214. - So, uh, Ross is kind of bummed, huh? - Ugh.

215. - I ju... I feel terrible. - It's not your fault.

216. What are you going to do, not take her to the hospital, you know?

217. You're doing nothing wrong,

218. except for harboring an all-consuming love for the woman that's carrying his baby.

219. Richard, if you're in there, could you pass me my credit card?

220. - Hey. - Hey.

221. I got to tell you, yesterday was amazing. That massage felt so good.

222. No, no, I got that.

223. So, um, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?

224. Okay.

225. You should know, though, I've, um, raised my rates to $200 an hour.

226. - Oh, okay. - I mean $500.

227. - What? - $600.

228. What's going on?

229. Oh, you make sex noises when you get massaged.

230. - Wha...? - Yeah, and it really freaked me out.

231. And, after a while, I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on.

232. What? You're crazy. There's nothing sexual about the noises I make.

233. Really, there's nothing sexual about this?

234. Oh! Oh, God! Oh, oh, oh!

235. What are you looking at?

236. I mean, hi.

237. This is so embarrassing. Oh, my God. I'm never going to get massaged again.

238. No, you can't let this stop you from getting massages.

239. Look, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do.

240. - Really? - Well, not clients. Lovers.

241. Let's just... you know, we'll try it again. Come back, and we'll work through it.

242. - You sure? - Yes.

243. - I guess. - Great.

244. Okay, now, if you'll just excuse me.

245. So, did you hear something you liked?

246. Hey, Ross. Check it out. I learned a new trick. Huh?

247. - Hey, uh, I brought you some lunch. - Oh!

248. - That's so sweet of you. Oh, yum. - Eh.

249. Mm, mm.

250. - Did you put pickles on this? - Well, yeah.

251. Oh, Ross!

252. What? What? Rach, what?

253. - What's going on? - I made her favourite...

254. tuna sandwich with pickle.

255. Pickle? Pickle makes her sick.

256. Giving her pickle is like giving me salad.

257. I'm sorry, Rach. I didn't know. Are you going to be okay?

258. Yeah, I'll be fine.

259. But can someone make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out there?

260. I'm on it!

261. I can't believe this. I shouldn't be the one making her throw up.

262. Relax, Ross. It could happen to anyone.

263. Yeah? Not to you 'cause you know this stuff.

264. I don't know any of it, and I'm the father.

265. I just... I wish I was more involved, you know?

266. Ugh.

267. Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna.

268. Hey, uh, can I talk to you guys for a second?

269. - Yeah. - What's up?

270. Well... sit down. I want to talk about our situation.

271. Are you breaking up with us?

272. The thing is...

273. because I live with Rachel, I'm here for a lot of the stuff.

274. Okay, and Ross...

275. Ross is missing everything. So...

276. Yeah?

277. Maybe you two should live together.

278. Are you asking me to move out? Do you not want me here?

279. No, no, I love living with you. It just seems that...

280. if you're going to have a roommate, you know, it might as well be the father.

281. But, Joey, I don't think Ross wants me to move in to his apartment

282. and disrupt his life like that. I mean...

283. or he does.

284. Well, I would love to be around for you and the baby,

285. and we can just try it, like, on a temporary basis.

286. But, Ross, it's you and me.

287. So? Sure. But it wouldn't be anything romantic,

288. and I'm dating Mona. Damn it! Mona!

289. I was supposed to meet her, like, an hour ago. What is wrong with me?

290. So, what do you think?

291. - I don't know. Is it crazy? - No, no. It's not...

292. Joey, this is a smart idea.

293. Well, I was due.

294. Okay, let's do it. I'll move in.

295. - Really? - Yeah.

296. - Oh, Rach, that's great. That's great. - Mm.

297. Not too shabby. I got this all off myself...

298. using my wife's tools.

299. Oh, my God!

300. How did you get in there?

301. You're messy.

302. - No! You weren't supposed to see this! - I married Fred Sanford!

303. No, Chandler, you don't understand.

304. Okay. Okay, fine. Now you know, okay? I'm sick.

305. No, honey, you're not sick. Look, I don't love you because you're organized.

306. I love you in spite of that.

307. Really?

308. - You promise you won't tell anyone? - Yes.

309. Look, now that I know, if I've got some extra

310. stuff lying around, can we share the closet?

311. Oh. Well, it's just, um...

312. I'm afraid you might mess it up.

313. Hey.

314. - Hey. - What's up?

315. Rachel's all moved out, huh? How you taking it?

316. Well, uh, I wanted to have a few beers,

317. but, uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them.

318. So I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium, though.

319. And, uh, it's a couple weeks past its

320. expiration date, so it's got a bit of a kick.

321. - Are you okay? - You kidding me? Yeah, I'm great.

322. Yeah, I'm, uh... I'm better than great. I am good.

323. And, now that she's gone, I can, uh...

324. I can do all this stuff around here that I couldn't do before, you know?

325. Like, um...

326. I can walk around naked again,

327. you know? I can, uh...

328. I can watch porn in the living room, right?

329. This is, uh... this is good for me, you know?

330. I like being on my own. I'm better off this way.

331. I'm a... I'm a lone wolf...

332. a loner. Alone.

333. All alone... forever.

334. What's a wolf got to do to get a hug around here?

335. Oh!

336. - That's it. Just relax. - Unh!

337. Oh, oh!

338. - Come on, more. - Oh, God!

339. You like that, don't you?

340. Yeah. Right there.

341. You want it there? You take it there, baby.

342. - Uh, Phoebe? - Yeah, say my name. Say it.

343. And now I'm going to cover you back up,

344. and, um, I won't be speaking with you for several weeks.